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These men bravely shared their own harrowing abusive-relationship stories

This is what being a real man looks like.

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Grzegorz Walczak/Unsplash & Reddit

Many of us are familiar with the signs of an abusive relationship.

Physical violence is only one of many. Extreme jealousy, verbal insults, controlling behavior, and victim blaming are all hallmark signs that someone is an abusive partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

What we rarely talk about, though, is that for as often as men are the perpetrators of abuse, they can just as easily be victims.


Hundreds of men recently took to Reddit to share their own harrowing stories of abusive relationships.

As many as 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical abuse by a partner. For women, it's as many as 1 in 3.

That's a staggering percentage of people.

The grim and heartbreaking thread helped shed some light on an under-recognized reality: Abuse is abuse, and it has no gender.

Here are some of the main takeaways from the powerful thread, which is worth a full-read.

Note: Last names have been left out to protect victims of abuse.

1. The support system for men who are victims of abuse is extremely poor.

Robert, who shared his story of an abusive relationship in the thread, wrote that his ex would threaten him and lash out physically, but no one would ever take his complaints seriously.

"She would throw knives at stuff and wreck the house," he wrote. "I went through 16 police calls before one of them finally gave her a charge for assault."

When the two were finally separated (he writes that she was arrested on a separate charge), he had to turn to information meant for battered women for help putting his life back together.

The sad truth is that the shelters and groups out there dedicated to helping men in abusive relationships are depressingly scarce.

2. Men can be victims of physical abuse too. Often at the detriment of their "manhood."

a man looking at his cell phone in the dark

Photo by Richard Stachmann on Unsplash

It's hard enough for many men being abused to find people who'll believe them. It's made even tougher that they might be made out to look like less of a man if they come clean.

"It's like I was supposed to just take it because I was a man," Robert wrote.

Tom, another man who shared his story, wrote that he was "embarrassed" when his ex would hit him during arguments, in public, but that he never even considered it abuse until long after they broke up.

Research supports the idea that men might be even less likely than women to report physical abuse. And we wonder why phrases like, "Man up!" are so harmful.

3. The patterns of abusive behavior are consistent whether abusers are men or women.

Another Reddit user, William, said he wasn't allowed to hang out with certain people his partner didn't like, and the controlling and manipulative behavior took a heavy toll on him.

"I knew deep down no matter what I did to try and make her happy it was never good enough. I never felt so useless," he wrote.

Many men in the thread, like Richie, wrote that the psychological trauma from their abusive relationship was the most difficult thing to reconcile and recover from.

Mood swings, illogical fights, and suicidal threats from Richie's partner pushed him to a breaking point.

"It wore me down to the bone," he wrote. "I was a shell of myself at one point."

The original thread on Reddit makes one thing abundantly clear: The problem of partner violence and abuse is likely much bigger than many people realize.

Over 10 million men and women in the United States are victims of physical domestic abuse every year; a number that doesn't include behaviors like lying, threats, and manipulation.

Toxic concepts of masculinity can sometimes lead to men becoming abusers, but as this thread shows, they can also paralyze men who need help.

Fixing our culture's broken idea of what makes a man could be a crucial step toward ending domestic violence and abuse for both men and women.

In the meantime, we can listen to the victims' stories. Everyone, man or woman, deserves to be heard.

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship and wants to seek help, start by contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which offers support for men, women, and children.


This article originally appeared on 4.12.17
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Four guys write a letter asking to walk their new neighbor's dog. The dog writes back.

"I am very friendly and full of beans."

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Photo credit: Canva, Stevieticks /Instagram

black lab (left. Handwritten letter (right)

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.

"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.

"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)

"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie.

"Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed since this story first warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still living her best life. Recently, she even made it to the doggie wall of fame at her local coffee shop.

In the years since this story first went viral, pet-sharing and neighbor dog borrowing have actually become more common, especially in cities where landlords restrict pets. Several platforms (like BorrowMyDoggy) and community groups now exist to pair dog owners with trusted neighbors who want occasional playtime, walks, or dog-sitting without having to own a pet. It’s a small but growing trend that reflects how deeply animal companionship is needed—even for people who can’t adopt a dog full-time. In many apartment buildings, these kinds of informal arrangements help reduce loneliness, build community, and give non-owners the emotional benefits of living with pets.

Just goes to show the power of a dog's love…even if that dog isn't your own.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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A stunned Ricki Lake learns that boxes of her lost photos were sitting in a local flea market ​

The beloved talk show host thought the photos had been destroyed in a fire.

Ricki Lake, Palisades Wildfire, fires, flea market
Photo Credit: Canva, Wikicommons, Mingle Media TV

A box of photos, Ricki Lake.

On January 7, actress and TV personality Ricki Lake was one of the thousands of people who tragically lost their homes in the wildfires that swept across Los Angeles. Nestled near the Pacific Palisades, her beautiful home was completely destroyed by ravaging flames.

Writing about it on Instagram, Lake shared a terrifying timeline, marking it "The day we lost our home."

"Timeline of our efforts to save our beloved home in Malibu.
11:24 am early signs of smoke in Temescal Canyon
11:54 am setting up our fire defense system
4:10 pm Ross hosing down our neighbor’s palm tree (baller move)
6:17 pm Ross attempting to siphon gas for the fire defense system motor. (Even bigger baller move, though it didn’t work.) 😩
6:55 do we stay or do we go?"

Cut to nearly one year later. Artist Patricia "Patty" Scanlon just happened to be at the Pasadena City College Flea Market when she came across a box of photos. One woman in the pictures struck her as oddly familiar, and she soon realized it was Ricki Lake.

On an Instagram/Threads post, she wrote, "Anybody know how to contact Ricki Lake? I picked up some 'found photos' at Pasadena City College Flea Market and the box seems to be full of a LOT of photos of Ricki Lake. I think she may WANT these. She may not have copies. Thank you!"

The post went viral almost immediately. One commenter explained, "Her home was destroyed in a fire. I'm sure Ricki Lake would love to have these." From there, the clock began ticking and the hunt to get a hold of Lake was on.

Others had similar experiences in their own lives. "Lost my house to a flood years ago and lost everything except a tiny four-inch mustard seed plant in a resin magnet. Years later, someone found a box of precious photos. A miracle!"

Just a few hours later, Scanlon updated social media with excellent news. "Found Ricki! Will be getting photos to her! Thank you, everyone!"

Many were completely moved by the serendipity. One person wrote, "Every time I wanna give up on the Internet/social media, I come across something like this." Another shared, "This is astounding. Finally Instagram proves its worth. Well done Patty and so happy for you Ricki Lake."

Lake chimed in on Scanlon's thread, writing, "I'm still in complete disbelief."

On her own Instagram post, Lake wrote, "I'm speechless. Here is a happy story for your holiday season! It's been almost one year since the fire and I made peace with the fact that my photographs and memorabilia were gone. But turns out they were at the Pasadena Flea Market!!! @patty_scanlon I cannot say thank you enough for your generosity and kindness in protecting these images. It’s seriously a miracle!!!"

In the video, Lake (who incidentally had another house fire 15 years ago) enthusiastically shares, "I can’t even process. Those of you who are new here, you know I lost my house in the fires in the Palisades in January. I lost everything. My phone started blowing up late last night in New York. The first people that reached out were my friends Romy Rosemont and Brooks Smith. And they're like 'Hey did you see this?' And it was a screenshot of someone on Instagram or Facebook trying to find me. 'Does anyone have a way to get in touch with Ricki Lake? I found these photos at a freaking flea market!' I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Because all of it was gone in the fire."

Then the video cuts to a chat split screen of Lake with Scanlon. Ricki asks, "I want you to tell me how you happened upon these pictures in the first place."

"I needed to get out of the house and it was like the universe drove me to get your pictures," Scanlon said. "I'm an artist and I look to pictures for inspiration. The first guy I stumbled upon, I was looking through a box and he goes 'you want that whole box for 15 bucks?' And I said, 'I'll give you 20!' I opened the pictures and the first one I saw was this one…" She then flashes to a young Ricki with a baby. Lake interjects, "Yep, that's me with Milo. My kid who's now 28."

Scanlon continues, "So I saw that and I thought, 'Oh I love that woman's face!' And then I looked through and I saw more."

She continues to share photos, one after another, which Lake immediately recognizes and gives descriptions. Lake shares, "These pictures are so priceless to me. They would be anyway, Patty, but the fact that I lost all of these images in the fire in January. I mean, I thought they were gone forever. I had peace. It was such a heartache and such a painful thing to come to terms with, that all of these memories are no longer in front of me. They're just in my mind and heart now. But the fact that you found these is unbelievable."

Lake, so earnestly, adds, "I really cannot thank you enough for your generosity. Making the effort to find me, and the fact that I'm gonna get something back that I thought I had lost forever, it makes me so happy. It's really such a cool story and I'm so happy to share it. We all need good news these days and I feel like this is leaving me with such a beautiful feeling about the human race."

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Women's Health

Forensics student reveals the two types of women predators target based on how they walk

It's chilling that they all have the same "type."

predators, forensics, crime, women, awareness
via Екатерина Шумских/Pexels, Vladimir Konoplev/Pexels and Teona Swift/Pexels

Three women walking down city streets.

A forensics student named Alexandria recently shared vital information on TikTok that all women should know. She detailed the specific signs male predators are looking for when they choose a victim.

Her video is based on a 2013 study entitled “Psychopathy and Victim Selection: The Use of Gait as a Cue to Vulnerability.” For the study, researchers interviewed violent criminals in prison and asked them the type of women they’d be most likely to victimize.

The study found that the criminals all agreed that how the woman walked was a deciding factor.

“What the selected women all had in common was the way that they walked and how they generally held themselves in public,” Alexandria says in the video she later deleted but has been shared broadly across the platform.

@_alf_90_

How to walk for your safety! #women #safety #tips #walking #kidnapping #murder #attacks #fyp

“The selected women all had a similar ‘awkwardness’ to the way that they walked and carried themselves,” she continued. “The first part of the woman had a gait that was a little bit too small for their body, which resulted in smaller steps, slower speed and their arms more typically to their sides, or crossed, as well as their heads being down and not really taking in their general surroundings, which indicated three different things to these potential attackers.”

The woman’s body language signaled to attackers that she was fearful and anxious and because her head was down, she'd be easier to surprise. Alex then described the second type of woman the criminals said they’d target.

“On the other hand, the other part of the women that were selected had a gait that seemed a bit too big for their body and their arms tended to flail to the sides and seemed just overly awkward,” Alexandria continued.

The woman with the bigger gait signaled to potential attackers that she may be clumsy and won’t put up a good fight. “Because their arms were out and flailing to the side, it left the lower body open to, again, come around and grab them,” she said.

women, walking, predators, crime, body language Women walking down a street.Image via Canva Photos.

The video was helpful because Alexandria also discussed the types of women the attackers wouldn’t pursue. Alex says these women “walked with a gait that tended to be more natural to their body.” She adds they moved at the same pace as those in the immediate area, with their shoulders back and chins up and asserting a general sense of confidence.

“Essentially, the women that were not selected gave off an energy that said, ‘Don’t mess with me. I will put up a good fight.’ And that’s why they weren’t selected,” Alex said. “I know that it sounds silly, but something as simple as the way you walk or the way that you carry yourself in public could determine the likelihood that you become a target of a predator.”

According to the Center for Violence Prevention and Self Defense Training, detecting vulnerability is the biggest factor in who predators choose to victimize. Confusion, isolation, appearing insecure, unaware, unassertive, or distracted all play a part in who predators target, but being aware of these factors can increase safety considerably. They also note that access plays a part in being targeted, stating that, "Attackers tend to target people positioned near entrances, exits, or secluded areas where they can quickly grab and escape without arousing suspicion."

woman, crime, predator, safety, awareness Woman aware of her surroundings in a parking garage. Image via Canva Photos.

Alexandria concluded her video by sharing an acronym that can help prevent women from being victimized while in public: STAAR.

S(tride): Walk with a natural stride to your body with steps that are not too far apart or short.

T(all): Stand tall. Keep your shoulders back and your chin up. Assert a natural confidence and dominance to those around you.

A(rms): Swing your arms naturally by your sides, avoiding keeping them too close to your body or flailing out of your natural range of motion.

A(wareness): Stay aware of your surroundings. Take notice if something feels or looks off.

R(elax): Stay cool, calm, and collected and don’t indicate to a potential attacker that you feel or see something is wrong.


This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Man's unique gift for naming cats has strangers asking him to name their kittens

Hersberry, O'dis, Nuffin—watch how "Unc" comes up with his adorable names.

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Photo credit: Canva

What would Unc name these kitties?

"The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter, it isn't just one of your holiday games…" – T.S. Eliot

One of the best parts of getting a new pet is choosing a name for them. Unlike children, who have conscious feelings about their names and may object to off-the-wall choices at some point, a pet presumably couldn't care less what the humans in their lives call them. A dog could be named Fred, Red, or Potatohead and be none the wiser. We've seen cats with names that go far beyond the norm even for pet names, like Parking Lot, Crunchwrap Supreme, and Missile Launcher (Missy for short) among other creative monikers.

But if any animals were going to care about what we name them, surely it would be our finicky feline friends. And one man, whom we'll call Unc (for his @UncGotThaMunchies handle), seems to have a gift for giving kitties very special (or rather, "pecial") names. Unc has become the father of 13 kitties, and his naming of cats has become a bit of a viral phenomenon.

@uncgotthamunchies

#cat #cats #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittensoftiktok

First, there's Blackaroni and Cheese, a black and orange kitten pair that people are just gaga over. But Unc has begun a whole movement of naming kitties in a "berry pecial" way, with Hersberry leading the way. Why Hersberry? Because her's berry pecial to Unc, of course.

@uncgotthamunchies

#cats #cat #kitten #kittens #catsoftiktok

Among the other kittens, we have another pair named Thor and Lowkey (yes, spelled Lowkey) and another orange kitty that Unc named Midas, "because there Midas well be no other kitties on the whole planet."

@uncgotthamunchies

#cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittens #kittensoftiktok

People have become so enamored with these cute and clever kitty names that some have started asking Unc to help them name their own kittens. One person shared a photo of their adorable orange kitten and asked if Unc could name him because they couldn't think of a good name. Unc didn't disappoint.

"When people see dis kitty right here," he said in a response video. "They will say, 'Oh, dis kitty is so beautiful. Oh, dis kitty is so pecial.' So I think his name should be O'dis." Then he explained all the nickname benefits of the name O'dis and how special this name would make the kitty feel.

@uncgotthamunchies

Replying to @glitterdiamondsparkles #greenscreen #cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittens

Someone else shared a photo of their fuzzy little tabby kitten, writing, "First I saw your Hersberry video then Midas and now the universe sent us a kitten and we can't think of a name for her. Can you help name her??" Unc responded with a video saying that he'd had a premonition as he was laying around looking at kitties on TikTok that a beautiful little girl kitty was going to come to him needing a name, and he should have the name ready for her when he saw her. Watch how that played out:

@uncgotthamunchies

Replying to @megan_elizabeth__ #greenscreen #cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittensoftiktok

Did he choose a perfect name or what? The kitten's owner responded in the comments and said, "Won’Da it is!! 🥰 Thank you!!"

Unc got another orange kitten sent to him with a name request. This one got the name Nuffin:

@uncgotthamunchies

Replying to @Raegan Schafer #greenscreen #cats #cat #kittens #kittensoftiktok

"Because there is nuffin on dis Earf more cuter than this kitty. And there is nuffin on dis Earf that I would not do for this kitty. And there is nuffin on this whole Earf that could keep me from loving this kitty," explained Unc. Of course.

People are loving watching Unc name other people's kitties, with multiple people calling him a walking green flag.

"There is nuffin on this earf as precious as you naming kitties 😍😂🫶🏼," wrote one commenter.

"There is nuffin I love more than a man who loves his kitties as much as you do!!"

"Another perfect name!!! My sister is adopting a kitty today and I’ve been telling her about your names and how you come up with them. It’s great. 🥰"

Ultimately, the way Unc interacts with his kitties is what keeps people coming back. There's something so endearing about the mutual affection between him and the whole lot of them. Not all cats are sweet and snuggly, but Unc's kitties seem to be quite affectionate. People with more standoffish cats may be wondering why this man's cats and kittens are so loving. Well, here you go:

@uncgotthamunchies

#cat #catsoftiktok #kitten #kittensoftiktok #kittens

So berry, berry pecial. You can follow Unc on TikTok.

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Woman's speedy shoe tying trick using only her pinky fingers looks magical but here's how it's done

Her short video is absolutely mind-blowing.

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Photo credit: Canva

Woman is blowing people's minds tying her shoes in a split second with her pinkies.

Teaching children how to tie their shoes can be frustrating for both parent and child. Usually, adults try to turn it into a fun game that uses the imagination to convert the laces into bunny ears, roller coasters, or rocket ships. But what if tying your shoes could be as entertaining as a magic trick? This one isn't just for parents teaching kids to tie their laces. This bow-making trick just might change the way everyone ties their laces.

A woman who goes by the name Alet on social media recently uploaded a video of herself tying her shoe. It was so quick that viewers thought it was fake or done with savvy editing, but it's real. She introduces the lace tying trick as "your next party trick to impress a drunk person or a surgeon equally." But to be fair, you don't have to be drunk to be impressed by this speedy sorcery.

To prove that she didn't splice the video in anyway, Alet slows down the process to show viewers how it's done after sharing how tying her scrub pants resulted in an impromptu cheering session. While standing in the operating room hallway with surgeons and others crowded around her excitedly shouting at her to "do it again," she explains before spilling the secret of the neat trick.

shoe tying; tying shoes; how to teach tying shoes; shoe tying trick; Ian's Knot; tying shoes with pinkies Mom ties kid's shoe.Photo credit: Canva

"I worked in an orthopedic hospital, so it was all men, and so all of a sudden it was just like eight or ten men standing around me in a hallway, staring at my crotch, periodically going 'WAHHHH!!!' I was doing this," Alet says before quickly tying her laces.

In an effort to show the viewers how to tie their laces as quickly as she does, she explains it using fun terms that can also be used when teaching small kids. She explains that you have to start by using "fancy pinkies" to hold the laces. Then Alet says the next step is to make little finger guns, complete with laser shooting sounds, before turning those finger guns into crab claws. The next step will make or break this shoe-tying experiment: the two crab claws have to kiss in a very specific way to make a bow. It's something you have to see to understand.

Watch the clip here:

@dr.mrs.knits Introducing your next party trick to impress a drunk person or a surgeon equally. #tutorial #howto #knots #surgery #medstudent #partytrick ♬ original sound - Alet

One person in the comments summarized the steps to make it clear for others, though unless you watch the process slowed down, the steps will seem nonsensical: "fancy pinkies - pew pew - lobster claws - eff you, no eff me - train tracks, make them kiss - tighten."

Another person shares that her autistic child picked up the steps in no time, writing, "Uhhhhhhh my autistic son figured it out the second you turned the phone around… no explanation needed. He’s 10 and COULD NOT tie his shoes before this… haha he is also making the noises too. Apparently they are a must."

shoe tying; tying shoes; how to teach tying shoes; shoe tying trick; Ian's Knot; tying shoes with pinkies Girl helping tie shoelaces on the trail.Photo credit: Canva

The video is clearly tickling the brain of neurodivergent people. Another person says, "I do believe the sound effects helped my ADHD brain better understand it."

"Girl, nevermind the insane party trick power, I have dyspraxia and never learnt to tie my shoes "normally". I'm 31 and I've been doing double knotted loop bows my entire life. I just managed this first try. It's a miracle!" someone else shares.

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