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People in their 40s share the best life advice that they wish they had known in their 30s

"Trying to maintain friendships with people that are on separate paths is difficult."

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People in their 40s share life advice with people in their 30s.

Wisdom is accrued with years lived. Every generation has advice to pass down, and people in their 40s have a lot of life advice to share with those a decade behind them in age.

In an online forum, this question was posed to people in their 40s, asking, "For those in their 40s, what's something people in their 30s don’t realize will impact them as they get older?"

People in their 40s generously shared their best life advice and aging tips with those in their 30s. These are 16 of their most impactful pieces of wisdom on getting older.

old, getting old, aging, getting older, oldAging Jamie Lee Curtis GIFGiphy

"You wish you’d been more prepared for your family and friends to start dying or getting sick." —@G-base

"How well you took care of your teeth." —@aggieraisin

"Open a Roth IRA. Start small, but don't stop and don't take anything out. I didn't have a decent paying job until I was 39 years old. It's never to old to start saving. I did it and am now retired comfortably." —@FritzTheCat_1

stretch, stretching, stretch routine, stretching routine, doing stretchingGym Stretch GIF by Chance The RapperGiphy

"Stretching." —@SillyDistractions

"For those in their 30s, you need to know this. 40 is not old. Neither is 50." —@Mattynice75

"Posture." —@Prior-Force1068

"Your friendships will shift if you grow and change as a person." —@theprostateprophet

friends, friendship, changing friendships, relationships, friendTv Show No GIF by HelloGigglesGiphy

"It was around 40 that I started to realize that most people you meet are in your life for only a certain period of time, and even though it sucks, it’s actually normal. When I moved to a new city at 30, I had a pretty nice new group of friends. Now that I’m 40, I rarely talk to any of them. But they were perfect for that particular period in time. I think the same thing will continue to happen in your 40s, 50s, etc. Perhaps some will become lifelong friends, but the majority will just be rentals." —@_Toaster_Baths

"Find a life partner. Stop being part of toxic relationships. You are not going to fix anyone. Don't waste time with someone who can't be a good life partner. It's time to grow up and understand that if you are having serious relationship problems, it's because you are with the wrong person and you need to find the right person, not try to fix the relationship." —@RonGoBongo111

"Your childhood traumas." —@Skydreamer6

do it, just do it, motivation, dont wait, take a riskjust do it GIFGiphy

"There are no grownups, and there is no someday. Do it now, or stop saying you will 'eventually'; and stop waiting for the answers to come. Sometimes you need to gamble." —@Bitter_Pilot5086

"When I asked my mom what really changes after forty, she gave it to me straight — no sugarcoating. There’s no magical transformation. Things that used to work quietly start creaking. Fatigue becomes a background noise that doesn’t go away with one good night’s sleep. She said that in your thirties, it feels like you’ve got endless energy, plenty of time, and unshakable health. But then you realize — one bad night’s sleep can ruin your whole day. Your back isn’t 'just sore,' it’s 'this is how it is now.' And everything that once felt automatic — stamina, resilience, even friendship — starts to require intention, care, and effort. The hardest part? You start to feel that 'everything’s ahead' doesn’t quite apply anymore. Some things are already behind you, and you have to learn to let go. Not cling to the past, not drag it with you. Because if you do, you’ll miss how strange and beautiful the now can actually be. And most importantly, she said — stop postponing things. Love, change, taking care of yourself. 'Later' isn’t a guaranteed destination." —@Inevitable-Rice-702

"I think this goes well for any age in all honesty; it is never too late! You are never too young, if you love something and have a passion for it do it! If you love someone , love them so hard! Most importantly be you, I know a lot of people my age (46) who also have come out it’s never too late to live and love fully you will never regret following your heart!" —@UnknownUser

go for it, never too late, soar, never too old, get after itInspire Follow Your Dreams GIF by Positive ProgrammingGiphy

"Wasting time. On jobs, on money, on looks. Instead of living free, focusing on being present, and spending quality time with their family." —@Shiasugar

"Deepen your close friendships now. You’ll see them less as time goes by, but their presence is equally as important." —@Single-Major2055

"I'm bit more mature now so i don't judge people on appearances or face value. Trust is a valuable commodity don't give it loosely. Let people earn it." —@saransh000

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Grown-ups are saying this 'Bluey' episode might be the best 8 minutes of TV ever made

"Bluey" is made for kids, but adults might love it even more.

Bluey/YouTube

Bluey's little sister Bingo learns to wake up in her own bed in "Sleepytime."

If you're reading this article as an adult who keeps hearing people talk about "Bluey" and are wondering what all the fuss is about, hi there. I used to be you. I'd heard people recommend "Bluey" over and over, but I had no inclination to watch a children's show after already paying my dues in that department. My youngest is a teenager. Why on Earth would I want to watch "Bluey?"

I was wrong. So very wrong. It took my teen checking it out and getting hooked for me to finally cave and watch a few episodes. Initial intrigue morphed into sheer delight, and now I'm a totally unapologetic "Bluey" evangelist.

And I'm not alone. More and more adults are falling for the family of Australian Blue Heeler dogs and comparing their favorite episodes. One fan favorite that comes up frequently is "Sleepytime." Many adults find themselves in a puddle by the end of it. But why?

Blue does a lot of things beautifully, but one of them is creatively highlighting child development milestones. In "Sleepytime," Bingo, the youngest, wants to "do a big girl sleep" and wake up in her own bed in the morning. The episode follows the family through the night, alternating between Bingo's dream world and the "musical beds" happening in the real world.

Really, it's a short tale about growing up, letting go in your own time, knowing Mom is always there even if you can't see her and the reality of sleep in families with young children.

X user Justin Dubin, MD, a first-time "Bluey" watcher, shared his thoughts on "Sleepytime" after seeing that it was ranked as one of the best episodes of TV ever on IMDB.

"Good god, it’s perfect," Dubin wrote. "Rarely do you see such a simple idea considered in such a complex and relatable way. In just 8 minutes it tackles parenthood, growing up, independence, and family dynamics- all with very little dialogue."

While there's much less dialogue in "Sleepytime" than there is in a normal "Bluey" episode, the music (Holst's "Jupiter" from "The Planets") creates a sense of magic as Bingo floats around in space, gravitating toward the warmth of her mother, getting help from her stuffed bunny, Floppy, and friends, and ultimately finding comfort without Mom. And all of that magic is interspersed with real life in which kids are asking for water, climbing into Mom and Dad's bed, kicking in their sleep, sleepwalking, and more.

First of all, a kids' show acknowledging that children end up in parents' or siblings' beds frequently is refreshing to see. So real. Second of all, the tenderness with which Bingo's budding independence is handled is just lovely. People often praise "Bluey" as a show that depicts good parenting examples, and it does. But it does that while being real—there's one episode where Chili, Bluey and Bingo's mom, says, "I JUST NEED 20 MINUTES WHERE NO ONE COMES NEAR ME," and moms everywhere felt it in their bones.

The beginning of the "Sleepytime" episode is shown at the beginning of this video on Bluey's YouTube channel if you want a taste:

But to see more than the first couple of minutes, you'll have to watch the entire episode on Disney + (Season 2, Episode 26). It honestly might be worth the subscription price for a month just to watch all the Bluey episodes.

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Sweet video shows dad get emotional after taking his 3-year-old to the dentist

"She's just sitting there…and the water works start coming..."

Image pulled from Youtube video.

Parenting is full of surprises

True
What Dads Do

Parenting can be a little stressful. There's no checklist for how to do it perfectly.

As the father of two young daughters, Doyin Richards has a lot of experience in that department. Like most parents, he hopes he's doing it right. And like most parents, he has a little voice in his head that sometimes makes him second-guess his choices.

What if he's doing it wrong?

On his 3-year-old daughter's first trip to the dentist, Doyin was pretty worried she would freak out about the treatment. Of course, it turns out that the only person who lost their composure that day was him — when he realized she was totally fine and able to handle things herself.

Which made him realize that despite all his fears, he might actually be OK at this whole dad thing.

Watch Doyin try to hold it together while his daughter is totally chill at the dentist in this episode of "What Dads Do":

This article originally appeared on 08.23.16

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As an adult with a less-than-normal childhood, here's what Christmas means to me now

Photo by Thandy Yung on Unsplash

Not every child experiences the perfect Christmas.

As Christmas fast approaches (literally eight days away, holy cow) I relish the opportunity to do all those wholesome holiday things.

I love filling my cats’ stockings with tuna treats and springy toys. I’m thrilled to top our tree with a sparkling glowy star and sneak away to wrap my boyfriend’s present. And boy, do I look forward to his authentic Puerto Rican coquito.

The apartment smells of cinnamon and gingerbread, and it fills me with a comfort that’s both so welcomed and yet so foreign.

It hadn’t really dawned on me before, that perhaps why I now wholeheartedly embrace the tradition of Christmas, though I am in no way religious, is because it’s a way to cultivate what I never really had in childhood: a sense of peace.

In other words: Christmas provides a sense of normality. And for someone with a less-than-normal childhood, that feeling matters. A lot.

I hadn’t always given Christmas the same thought. When I was little, all I knew was Christmas meant getting one of those cheap kiddy art sets from Angel Tree.

If you don’t know what that is, Angel Tree is an organization that provides gifts to children of parents who are incarcerated. It comes with a note from the parent, written in prison. That way there’s at least some semblance of connection during the holiday.

My mother knew I liked art, and therefore always asked for it.

Unwrapping the gift was … fine. Reading the letter from my mom, on the other hand, was outright numbing. It just didn’t compare to the real thing. To talking. To seeing her react to my surprise. To hugging.

“Little me” didn’t realize that all I wanted for Christmas was the one thing I couldn’t have, and to ease the pain of longing, I would feel nothing instead. All I understood was art set + mom’s letter = Christmas.

This is by no means a complaint against Angel Tree; I think what they do is an amazing contribution. I certainly used the hell out of those watercolor paints and oil pastels, and it most definitely made a positive impact on my life.

And my mom did her best. This is not a judgment of her character nor a degradation of her parenting. It just is me saying: I didn’t feel what I think I was supposed to feel, as a little kid at Christmas time.

Having this holiday apathy, I spent my teens being “too cool” for Christmas, and looked down on it as some kind of capitalist conspiracy. Then as an adult working at amusement parks, Christmas simply became “holiday pay day.” Yes, I suppose you could say I leaned into that same capitalism I fought so hard against during my formative years. What a sellout.

I spent the holiday wearing a prosthetic “Who nose,” stilt walking, entertaining the crowds. And when that fat check came in, I would always wonder if the 12+ hours were worth it.

It wasn’t.

(Again, no ill intentions toward my former place of employment. Plenty of my coworkers loved spending Christmas this way. I just did it for the wrong reasons.)

Knowing what I do now, it makes perfect sense that I allowed the holidays to fuel my raging workaholism. It was a way to avoid difficult feelings. And many experts note that it is a symptom of parentification, when a child has to take on the adult role, thereby suppressing their own needs.

Miriam Njoku, a certified Trauma Recovery Coach, sums it up best:

"When a child suffers from prolonged trauma, they live in a perpetual state of stress with no control over their life, work can become something they have control over or a means to escape their reality. They might come to believe that if they work hard enough it will bring peace in their home.”

My previous life as an amusement park entertainer.

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Yep, that was me. As someone who grew up mostly without a mother, mostly without a father, in poverty, bouncing between relatives' houses and changing schools multiple times, I sought out sovereignty in the only way I knew how. Through making money.

But after a while, I couldn’t take it anymore.

Having my own Great Resignation, I slowly started to embrace Christmas as a way to wean off my workaholic tendencies. If most of the world was going to take a day off, then why shouldn’t I?

Did I decorate? No. But did I splurge on a Starbucks White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha and do some serious Netflix binging? Yes I did.

As I coated my mouth with the sweet, creamy treat and bundled up in a blanket, new sensations washed over me. It was like my spirit finally exhaled. It was so rare for me to not feel hypervigilant, goal oriented, anxious. But in that moment I was inexplicably, undeniably … safe.

And that was when my attitude started to shift.

I think for most people that come from a troubled home, there comes a point where you realize that in order to heal, you can’t simply work for a better tomorrow. The better tomorrow is already here. Instead, the priority should be giving yourself what you never had, today.

Kelly McDaniel, author of Mother Hunger, stresses that mothers provide daughters with three important developmental needs: nurturing, protection and guidance. And if any of the three is missing, an achy loneliness permeates the self-image. That loneliness is what she calls “Mother Hunger.”

This book was a real eye-opener for me. Look, I knew that my childhood was not that great. But I had no idea just how much my inner compass was warped. No wonder I didn’t know how to have those warm fuzzy holiday feelings. I didn’t know how to have warm fuzzy feelings, period.

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McDaniel shares in her book that healing “Mother Hunger” involves “thawing the frozen, innate healing process.” In my case, that meant a warm blanket and learning how to simply be comfortable doing nothing.

Though I am focusing on the mother-daughter relationship, a similar principle can be said for father-daughter, mother-son, father-son. Bottom line, when we don’t get an example of safety as children, it affects our lives until we choose to teach it to ourselves. That’s my take, anyway.

The sweet taste of coquito and normalcy.

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Now when I think of Christmas, I think of warmth. I think of rest. I think of gratitude. I also think about how nice it would have been to feel this way as a kid, and it can trigger a bit of sadness. And yet, with every holiday tradition, both big and small, I find comfort knowing that it’s never too late to reclaim those lost parts.

To me, Christmas means celebrating a recovery from numbness. And sipping coquito with my boyfriend while watching my kitties play with their toys. And I feel joy in every minute of it.

Whether or not this story resonates with you, I’m wishing you a very Merry Christmas. In these sometimes stressful, often less-than-normal times, may you find your own special way to exhale.

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