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Making friends in adulthood can be hard. 19 real people share how to make friends as an adult.

"Most because they were stubborn enough to persist 🤣."

Image via Canva

People who made friends as adults share how they did it.

Making friends as an adult is one of the most difficult parts of growing up. Having a healthy social life outside of work, marriage and family commitments can not only be a challenge, but one hard to even find.

In an online forum, member Spirited-Falcon-5102 posed the question to fellow adults trying to make friends: "How did you become friends with the friends you made as an adult?"

And people who have successfully made friends as adults spilled their experience to help others struggling. These are 19 real-life examples of how adults made friends as adults.

"A few through work, but almost all through hobbies." bossoline

"You have to go to a place where you can see potential friend candidates REGULARLY. Then strike up regular conversations with people there. Learn their names and their stories. Bring what I like to call PIE: Positivity, Interest in others and ENTHUSIASM. After you develop a rapport, invite them to do something with you OUTSIDE THE PLACE WHERE YOU KNOW THEM. That's how friendships begin." FL-Irish

"I’m made good acquaintances at bars, but we mostly stick to that environment. Volunteer work, on the other hand, has lead to some really solid friendships. Even though I’ve moved to a different state, I’m still in touch with many people I met because we valued the same cause and found other things in common." Emtreidy

"I wrote on a local facebook page for my area. 'Looking for a gym partner 4 days/week at nordic wellness. It's always easier to keep routine with friends right' A married woman about me age responded. I'm married too, 1 month later we are best friends tbh and they are coming over for dinner at our place." Accomplished_Tart832

"I wanted to have female friends that lived close to me because proximity is very important to me when it comes to friendship so I went on the nextdoor app in 2022 and I posted to my specific subdivision. I kept hosting things like bonfires, potluck taco Tuesday, morning walking groups, clothing swaps, dressed up brunches. Just whatever. Here we are in 2025 and we're still doing this. Some of the other women are hosting stuff now too- so it's not just me. The youngest in our group is 23 and the oldest is 61. And I would say at least three of the women in the group are actual friends now. As in, we hang out one-on-one sometimes and text each other regularly." blabber_jabber

"I bought a trailer in an RV park and I have made friends there. I also winter in Mexico , stay at the same place every year and I have made friends there. I’m am a 65 year old single woman." Landingonmyfeet

"Bumble BFF!" Mistress0fScience

"Join clubs. But not just any clubs. Join a club that has different levels of skill, where beginners will be thrown into one class. I joined a Krav Maga club in April and now I have a solid social circle, two of them I would already consider good friends, not 'just' friends. The other beginners didn't know too many people either, which made it quite easy to connect to them. But this didn't just happen. I went out of my way to get to know people. I introduced myself to everyone, which was weird at first, but less so later. I make sure to either pick up a topic we've been talking about last time or ask them how they're doing when I see them. Since then, for whatever reason, I also got to know other people. Mostly by joining other events. I volunteer at a sanctuary, but this is not as productive from a social networking standpoint. Clubs. That's where it's at. Make sure to be likeable though. Being shy and competent can easily look like arrogance. I know, it's weird, but that's what it can feel like from the outside." lookingforPatchie

"I started a family hiking group in the area about 10 years ago. At one point, my entire social network was made up of those families!" anniemaxine

"Work, local coffee shop, dog park, hobbies." Ok-Kick4060

"Oh, so so many. Quilting circles, crochet, cross stitch, book clubs, DnD, LARPing, community theater, church choir, fencing, board game groups, marathon conditioning groups, yoga, meditation, street racing, motorcycle gangs (not that I'm recommending those), cycling groups...Really just all sports. You wanna make friends fast? Go to the park with a basketball and see how many dudes in their 20s and 30s flock to you." Gamma_The_Guardian

"Through animal-related hobbies. Dogs, horses, cats… and politics." Difficult-Second3519

"I make new friends seemingly every few months. I just talk to people, am interested in them and I'm generous when I can be. There's no real common thread. Some are people I meet walking my neighborhood, others while I'm out in the world doing whatever." NemeanMiniLion

"They are the parents of my kids’ friends. We sat on the parent-bench for swim lessons or music class or whatever and chatted and became friends." North_Artichoke_6721

"Completely accidentally. Most because they were stubborn enough to persist 🤣." PuzzleheadedCat9986

"Bible studies!" Dede_dawn311

"We were both putting other people's carts back in the corral. We started talking about how lazy people are." SgtRudy0311Ret

"Oddly and humorously enough, my friends are a lot of relationships or fwbs that didn't work out in that way but we remained friends." Dapper-Lie-446

"Just last night I met up with someone I was chatting on Reddit with for a couple of days. We are both relatively new to our town. Exchanged numbers and it hit off. Met at a bar thought I’d be there for an hour maybe 90 minutes. Ended up spending 3 hours with him." AggressivePatience56

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Internet

Woman's math on when someone should be considered an adult makes a lot of sense

"Pretending that 18 year olds are adults is the biggest disservice to all of us collectively."

Photo credit: Canva

Woman argues that you're not an adult until 36. It makes sense.

In America, 18 is the magic number that makes you an official adult. Seventeen year olds go to bed as a teenager still in need of adequate supervision and guidance only to wake up eight hours later a full blown adult ready to make all of their decisions unassisted. Of course this isn't developmentally true, most 18 year olds are still in high school and need just as much guidance as they did the day prior to this magical change. But this developmental reality isn't always respected by the law, some parents, or other adults.

The teens themselves consider themselves adults since that's the age everyone tells them means adulthood and most don't have the life experience to know any different. TikTok user Sam Kochman recently explained why she doesn't believe 18 year olds should be considered adults, and she makes some really valid points. The woman advocates for raising the age of what is considered "grown up" to 36, and while that might sound ridiculous, people agree with her reasoning.

"Pretending that eighteen year olds are adults is like the biggest disservice to all of us collectively, because 18 is zero," the woman argues.

gif of Andy Samberg saying "I'm an adult" in an SNL skit.Saturday Night Live Snl GIF by SeesoGiphy

The logic being that when you turn 18, you've had 18 years of childhood with zero years of adulthood so at 19 you're a one year old adult. According to Kochman, she wouldn't even start counting adult years until 22, likely due to the legal age to consume alcohol being 21. But for the sake of the national "congratulations you're an adult age," she starts with 18 as year zero of adulthood.

Whether you start adult years at 18 or 22, developmentally, a person's prefrontal cortex doesn't stop developing until they're between 25 to 26 years old. This means their decision making will likely be much more impulsive, less informed, and they'll take more risks, have difficulty planning, stronger emotional responses, and act without fully considering the consequences.

Kochman says, "At 36, then you're 18. Then...then you're what we all pretend you are at 18. Then you're an 18 year old adult. Do you know what I'm saying?"

gif of an older woman saying, "Welcome to being an adult. It sucks." Sucks Annie Potts GIF by CBSGiphy

People overwhelmingly agree with that logic, with one person writing, "This is such a good take. I’m 36 and I finally feel like a fully formed adult. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. My head is exploding rn."

One person says, "Being 25 you realize how young college kids are."

"6 months after I turned 18 I lost a (very toxic) friend who got mad at me for making a mistake because 'I'm a fully grown adult and I should know better' bro I was in high school 2 weeks ago what," someone shares.

Another person explains, "Literally!!! All we’ve known is school and then they just act like you’re ready for life and to be on your own cause you’re 18?!?!"

 
 @samkochman 36 is 18. 36 is start of adult.
 ♬ original sound - sam 
 
 

"This makes perfect sense. I had my daughter when I was biologically 19 and thought I was grown. Now she’s biologically 19 but she’s actually a baby - I couldn’t imagine her having a baby," one mom exclaims.

Someone else suggests, "18-25 should be called periadulthood like the phase pre-adulthood."

Of course, there were a few people who disagree with the take. But, of the ones who disagreed, there seemed to be a misunderstanding that doing adult things constituted adulthood. The commenters that agree, which is an overwhelming majority, are focused on brain development and the general feeling of being an adult without having to defer to others. The general consensus seems to be that treating an 18 year old like someone in their 30s isn't helpful and more grace should be extended to those just entering adulthood. What do you think? Should 18 year old teenagers be expected to be just as adult as someone much older?

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Education

8 classes that should be required for all students before they hit adulthood

If we want to prepare kids for adult life, we've got some glaring gaps to fill.

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

Why aren't we teaching students the things they really need to know as adults?

I remember sitting in advanced algebra and trigonometry class in high school wondering if I was really ever going to use any of what I was learning. Math at that level meant nothing to me in a practical sense. I planned to study English and education to become an English teacher, so I couldn't imagine why I'd need to learn the ins and outs of trig.

As it turned out, some of what I learned came in handy in the functions class I was required to take to fulfill my math requirement in college. But again, I found myself sitting in class with zero idea of why I was learning this level of math and suspecting that I was never going to actually use that knowledge in my adult life.

Now I'm a middle-aged adult and I can say with absolute certainty that I was right. In 27 years, I have not used anything I learned in functions. Not once. Not even a little bit. I agonized my way through that class to eek out a B-minus and to promptly forget everything I'd learned because it was utterly useless to me.

To be clear, higher math isn't useless—it's amazing. It was just completely useless to me.

You know what would have been useful? Learning about financing a car or a mortgage or understanding how and why and where to invest money. In all that time I was doing trigonometric proofs and calculating polynomial functions, I could have been learning all the various real-life math-related decisions I'd have to make as an adult.

I see the same thing happening with my kids in high school and college. It totally makes sense for students who are interested in going into math and science fields to take math beyond basic algebra and geometry, but for those who aren't—why bother? There are so many more valuable things for them to take the time to learn—things that every single person really needs a basic knowledge of, such as:

Basic Psychology/Mental Health Maintenance

Every one of us has a brain and mental health is an issue for a huge percentage of people. According to the World Health Organization, 1 in 4 people globally will be affected by a mental health disorder at some point in their lives. Even those of us who don't struggle with mental illness benefit from learning about how our minds work, gaining strategies for managing our thoughts, emotions and behaviors, and understanding why people do the things they do.

How many people would have been saved by learning how to spot a narcissist before getting into a relationship with one? How many people could mitigate an anxiety spiral right when it starts because they learned to recognize the signs earlier? How many people would appreciate the support and understanding of everyone having a basic understanding of their mental health disorders?

Basic Sociology/Human Behavior

Similarly, every one of us lives in a society. Understanding social connections, relationships, and group behavior might just come in handy. If we don't understand the causes and consequences of human behavior, we're going to be confused by society at best and allow or enable atrocities to occur at worst.

From learning how cults and conspiracy theories work to recognizing how our prejudices can blind us to reality, sociology has useful knowledge we all need to internalize.

Media Literacy

If we're going to be bombarded with media 24/7, we'd better know how to process it. Understanding how journalism works, what makes a source credible, how information can be skewed and how to recognize misinformation and disinformation is vital. What is bias and how can it be mitigated? How can we recognize when an outlet values accuracy?

So many of the problems the U.S. is facing currently are due to people watching or listening to dubious news sources. Mandatory media literacy courses would (hopefully) go a long way toward changing that.

The Stock Market and Other Investments

I underestimated how much I'd need to know about the stock market when I was younger. None of that economic stuff interested me, but I wish I understood it better now.

But really, it's investing in general that we need to understand more about when we're younger, especially since starting young is the No. 1 best advice any financial advisor will give you.

How Banking, Credit, and Credit Cards Work

Every single one of us uses a bank or credit union and credit is a huge part of adult life. And yet, most people I know have had to piece together how credit and credit cards actually work through advice from friends and family and good old trial and error, sometimes with devastating consequences.

Taxes

Good gracious, right? Not just how to do taxes, but what taxes get used for.

Financial literacy is what I'm saying. We need mandatory financial literacy classes. (In 2022, Florida became the first state to require personal finance education to graduate, so yay Florida.) I think I was required to take economics in high school, but it was much more high-level economic theory than personal finance. We need personal finance first, then the bigger picture.

First Aid/Safety/Self-Defense

Most of us probably got some first aid and/or CPR training in health class, but how comprehensive was it? Did it include infant CPR? Do we know how to recognize if someone is having a stroke? Signs of infection?

What about basic everyday safety, like why you shouldn't leave a car running in a garage or common household fire dangers or how to spot asbestos?

Self-defense seems like a no-brainer. Basically, a "How to Stay Alive and Keep Others Alive" course that includes most everything you need to know to protect yourself and your loved ones on a daily basis.

Navigating our Healthcare and Health Insurance System

Ugh. I've been an adult for almost three decades and everything about our healthcare system confuses and frustrates me. Maybe if we required schools to teach young people how it works, it would shine a big spotlight on how ridiculously and unnecessarily complicated it is because no one could possibly explain it in a way that's understandable. Maybe that would push lawmakers to actually do something about it, because honestly, it's just a gigantic mess.

There are surely others, but those are the major subjects that come to mind as vital after being an adult for a long while and seeing what my own kids need to have a decent grasp on as they make their way into the world. And honestly, there are some classes that adults should be required to take well into adulthood. Parenting classes, for example. Or local government and voting.

All subjects and courses have value to some people, but if we want students to be prepared for adulthood, we should make sure they are given the vital knowledge and skills every person actually needs and will use.


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Health

Health experts agree that adults should have recess, too

Giving grown-ups time to play boosts physical, mental, and social health. Plus, it’s fun!

Photo credit: Canva

Playtime is beneficial at any age.

Have you ever wished you could just stop at your desk for thirty minutes and go outside to play a game, jump around a bit, or even just play with play dough for a while? Well, what’s stopping you? Experts say that taking a recess period isn’t just good for kids, but is good for adults, too.

The National Library Medicine has a 2022 study showing how “playtime” and recess helps the physical and mental well-being of adults along with a 2018 study showing how playing helps improve the lives of mentally ill seniors, too. But doesn’t it seem childish? Is it just nostalgia? Is it just… Well, needless fun?

In an interview with CNN, Dr. Bowen White, a physician and head of the National Institute of Play, a non-profit group that researches the benefits and history of recreation, provided some insight:

“Play is essential to our health,” he says. “Your blood pressure goes down. You release dopamine.”

Woman making large bubbles and smiling.Laughing and making bubbles is good for you!Photo credit: Canva

He’s not wrong. Play isn’t just fun, it’s healthy. Many activities that you used to play as a kid require you to go outside, which is both physically and mentally healthy. While it’s important to exercise, working out is part of the job of being an adult. The word “work” is in it. Playing in a dodgeball league or a game of double-dutch as an adult adds in some extra physical activity that can benefit you. Also, playing in general leads to laughter, which can reduce stress, lower blood pressure, and provide cardiovascular benefits like physical games do.

Men playing dodgeballDodgeball is a good way to get some playful aggression out.Photo credit: Canva

If you’re more in the mood for some less physical activity, doing more relaxing forms of play like playing board games, coloring in a coloring book, or sculpting with play dough can also release endorphins like those other recess activities while also stimulating your brain, improving your problem solving skills and increasing your imagination. Through fun!

Because of these benefits, many employees get better ideas, collaborate better with coworkers, and just plain work better when given time away from their desk to play around a little. There’s a reason why the “office foosball table” has become a popular trope in corporate America.

Office workers playing foosball in a high rise buildingSee? Photo credit: Canva

And the desire and instinct to play isn’t a human invention, it’s evolution.

“Play is so deeply ingrained in terms of our own evolutionary drive to survive,” said Bowen. “We all come into the world knowing how to play.”

Playtime is just a part of our evolution according to Scientific American. It’s also in nature. You’ve seen animals play with one another, likely from your own pets or certain articles here on Upworthy, and it’s not taught to them from human behavior. It’s an instinctual way for young animals to learn certain hunting or gathering skills, find mates, and create allies through social interaction to ensure better survival and lives in the world. Same with humans.

So to recap: Having some form of recess isn’t childish, is beneficial to your overall health in all aspects, is a part of human evolution, and is a part of nature itself. Oh, and it’s fun, too. So how can you incorporate more of it in your life, especially since we’re all so busy all of the time?

Well, it’s best to carve out some time for yourself to play each day, much like you had done at school. When you have a lunch break, take it. Use that time to not just eat, but to play. Go to a nearby park and shoot some hoops, on your own or in a pick-up game. Don’t worry if you suck, that’s not the point. After work, carve out time to go to a batting cage to hit some balls or a barcade to play games. Look into any clubs or intramural sports in your area, maybe join a dodgeball team or bar trivia night. Even if you’re so busy that you can’t make time outside of work or have too short of a lunch break, play a game with a coworker while you both eat. At the least, you can get some benefit from playing a game on your phone against other people online while you have lunch.

If you have young children that need your attention, you can indulge in play with them! Playing with your child in games or activities they enjoy gives you the aforementioned playtime benefits plus better bonding with them. It doesn’t mean you always have to play at their level all of the time either. For example, if your kid likes to color, you and your little one can color in your own separate coloring books, you with your adult coloring book and them with their less complex one while you share crayons. If they like to jump rope, jump along with them and see if you can keep up with their energy.

Woman coloring with two boysColoring with your kids can be a great bonding experience while also artistically therapeutic.Photo credit: Canva

There’s another reason why adults need recess that should be reiterated: It’s fun.

Life goes by fast and can sometimes end abruptly, unexpectedly. It’s not to scare anyone, it’s just a fact. So isn’t it best to grab as much fun as you’re able to get when it’s accessible? Based on the data here, fun is far from a waste of time as it appears on the surface. Hope you all have a fun life.

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