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Mom shares how being actively parented as a full-grown adult makes all the difference

“I think this is what people mean when they say ‘It takes a village.’”

woman relaxing while her mom takes care of her child and cooks soup
@hannahwiththelipstick/Instagram (used with permission)

We need our parents after we leave the nest, just in different ways.

When we think of "parenting" we usually think of the years from birth to college age, when kids become legal adults and many start fleeing the nest. It's not like there's a magic switch that gets flipped at 18 that suddenly makes kids not need their parents anymore, but the young adult years are a time when people grow into their independence, taking on the responsibilities and challenges of adulthood gradually but surely.

But what happens after that? Once kids are grown and flown, what role to parents play? They're not rulemakers or final authorities anymore, and they certainly aren't having to make sure basic needs are being met, but that doesn't mean their parenting years are over.

A video from a mom named Hannah shows what supportie, active parenting looks like with fully adult children, and it's a beautiful example of the way parent-child relationships ideally shift over time.

"My parents could write a manual on how to practically love your adult children," wrote Hannah Cases of @hannahwiththelipstick. "I was feeling overwhelmed and this was their response."

As she sits outside with a blanket around her shoulders and a warm mug in her hand, Hannah's parents are shown playing with her child, cooking some soup, organizing and cleaning and otherwise taking some of the load off her shoulders.

"Your adult children still need you," she wrote.

@hannahwiththelipstick

I think this is what people mean when they say “it takes a village”. 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say “I’m fine” or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words “I love you”. I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻 #ittakesavillage #myvillage #familyiseverything #ittakesavillagetoraiseachild #grandparentgoals #parentgoals #loveyouradultchildren #grandparentslove #parentslove


In the caption of the video, she expanded her thoughts:

"I think this is what people mean when they say 'it takes a village.' 🤍 If your kids are all grown up just remember, they still need you. We might say 'I’m fine' or struggle to ask for what we need but the truth is everyone needs help sometimes and the support of loving parents / grandparents has the power to change everything. My parents are a constant reminder of what it looks like to practically love the people around you and put action behind the words 'I love you.' I love differently because of having parents like them and living three minutes away from each other has been the biggest blessing. I know a lot of people don’t have parents who are able to help or the relationship might be strained but blood isn’t what makes someone family and I encourage you to seek out a village and remember that it’s okay to ask for help sometimes. 🫶🏻"

It's true that not everyone has parents or a relationship with their parents that would give them this kind of support, but that doesn't mean people aren't desperate for it.

"Honestly seeing this inspires me to be this parent… I pray one day I can create a space this loving for my daughter. I wish every family had this. The world would be such a better, more healthy place."

"Such a gift. I wish we all had parents like this. 🥺"

"100000000x this!!!
Arguably we need you more than ever, now!
We crave independence when we are young, and family/support as we grow our own. ❤️❤️❤️❤️"

"I really wish my mother was capable of this kind of love and support, but unfortunately many of us don’t have this… count yourself blessed if you do!! ❤️"

"You are very blessed to have them ❤️ myself and my husband’s parents don’t ever come around for us or our 2 kiddos and it’s very sad. We have no village except our good friends."

"All I get when I tell my mom I’m struggling is ‘I remember those days.’ Happy for people who have this support but also jealous 😅 But someday I will be there for my grown kids with whatever they need."

"I hope I get the opportunity to show up for my adult babies and their babies like this someday."

"My parents are like this and I’m SO thankful. My mom showed up Monday with a coffee for me. Today both kids have swim class. My dad tags along, and every Wednesday he brings us breakfast. Little things like that, that just make it a little easier on me. My parents live 6 minutes away and I tell them all the time I couldn’t do it without them!"

"We live 15 away from my in-laws. Once a week, my Mother-in-law does one on one time with my two kids. Since the kiddos will nap during the time it’s not their turn with their mimi, it really ends up being such a wonderful break for me. It really does take a village!"

"I tell my parents all the time that I still need my mommy and daddy lol it sounds silly, but it’s so true! I’m so thankful they live one street over and are always available at the drop of a hat! ❤️"

Though it's sad to see in the comments how many people don't have this kind of support, it's also a good reminder to be there for one another when and how we can be. There's no substitute for loving and supportive parents, but any friend or family member who has the time and inclination can help fill that role when they see there's a need.

It's always good to see positive examples of healthy relationships, both to know what's possible and to inspire us to be the people—the village—we want someone to be for us.

You can follow Hannah Cases on Instagram and TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pets

Four guys asked their new neighbor if they could walk her dog. Then the dog wrote back.

"If you ever get bored, we are more than happy to look after him/her."

via Stevieticks / Instagram

A black dog and a note form "the boys from number 23."

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.

"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.


"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)


"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie. "Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

black labrador, dogs, dog-walkers, kind nieghbors, stevieticks, bristol, ukA black labrador (representative image).via Canva/Photos

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed in the past 6 years since this story warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still doing well. Her keeper and Sarah's partner, Chris Bowley, shared an update on Instagram. "[The boys] sadly moved out of Bristol. However, we have always tried to keep the ethos going of Stevie having as many friends and meetups as possible," Bowley wrote.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Family

A dad's steamy shower door photo represents a sweet recognition of his wife's work

"I literally just sat there and stared at the glass and smiled. I could see it, I imagined it."

Photo credit: Canva

A little recognition goes a long way.

Anyone who has been a stay-at-home mom knows that it's not easy. But many people who haven't been one assume that it can't be that hard. What's so difficult about taking care of a baby or a toddler or two? Don't babies basically just lie there? Don't you have all kinds of free time while they nap?

It's hard to describe what it's like to those who haven't experienced the near-constant demands of hands-on, full-time mothering. There's no job description that compares to being a mom. It's wonderful in a million ways, but it's friggin' hard, and it's normal in those early years of staying home with wee ones to feel totally and completely spent by the end of the day.

Many moms lament that their husbands don't seem to understand why they are so exhausted when "all they do" is "just stay home" with the kids all day, which is probably why this dad's photo of a steamy shower door has resonated with so many.

It reads:

"I came home yesterday evening after working 12 hours. I went into the bathroom to get cleaned up and ready for dinner. I noticed my daughter's bassinet in the bathroom.

I asked my wife if she had put her in there, and how she did in it. She said she put her in it as she had showered during the day. We continued to talk about how good she had been and how much she's growing up and so forth.

This morning I came home from the gym and turned the shower on to get cleaned up for work. I turned to the door and saw where my wife wiped away the steam from the glass, so she could see our baby girl in the bassinet.

baby, baby in bassinet, parenting, motherhood, family lifeBabies are adorable, but they take a lot of work.Photo credit: Canva

I literally just sat there and stared at the glass and smiled. I could see it, I imagined it, it was like I was there in the room with them. I could see Heather just looking through the glass and making faces at Lottie as she smiled and played in her bassinet! I just melted!

It's so crazy to me, how the smallest things can make me so appreciative of my wife. It's the little sacrifices my wife makes for this family, that would normally go unnoticed. From caring for our daughter 24/7, to caring for me, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the animals, and taking care of herself (yeah right, there's no time for that.)

It just makes me stop and think.

I work hard. I work long 10-12 hours days, I get tired, I have stressful days and that's my right, as the working member in the household. I have the right to be catered to hand and foot when I get off?!?

All she does is have to take care of a baby.

So, it should be that she cooks, and keeps the house clean, dishes washed, laundry clean and put up, animals tended to... and I'm a man, have I mentioned my needs yet?!?

mom, laundry, stay at home mom, toddler, housworkThe work of a stay at home mom never ends.Photo credit: Canva

I mean seriously, she's at home all day after all!

Mannnnn... I can't tell you how much this fogged up glass means to me!

The fact that my wife can't even shower without caring for someone else; tending to someone else's needs. She doesn't get a second to herself to relax.

My wife doesn't get to clock out, my wife doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing a check deposited in the bank in return for her hard work, my wife doesn't get to eat lunch with coworkers, my wife doesn't get to just walk outside and just take a deep breath.

This may be just a fogged-up piece of glass to some, but to me it means so much more. It's the little things like this that don't go unnoticed. it's the little things like this that constantly remind me how badass she is. it's the little things like this that make me fall in love with her all over again, Heather Williams!

Thank you for being the amazing woman you are... it doesn't go unnoticed!

I love you My Queen. 👑 ❤️"

woman in shower, moms, motherhood, childcare, family lifeShowers can feel like a luxury when you have little ones.Photo credit: Canva

The fact that he saw in this smeared glass the sacrifices his wife makes being home with their baby is wonderful.

Some will say this dad doesn't deserve a cookie simply for seeing his wife, but so many stay-at-moms would love to receive this kind of acknowledgement from their partners.

The reality is when you are taking care of a baby, you are "on" all the time. When the baby is asleep, you might get a chance to do some housework. Or you maybe get to close your eyes for a few moments to try to make up for the lack of sleep you got the night before from the baby waking you up to eat. Sometimes the kiddo won't stop crying and your nerves get fried by noon. Sometimes it's 2:00 in the afternoon, you're covered in breastmilk and spit up, you haven't showered, and you can't figure out where the time has gone. Once your baby is crawling or toddling, you can't take your eyes off them or they might literally die. There's pee and poop and every other bodily fluid you can think of, all day, every day. It's non-stop attention, non-stop need-meeting, non-stop love, but also non-stop work.

And then people ask you what you do all day.

More shower door recognition please, partners. The mother of your children will most definitely appreciate it.

This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Motherhood

People are in disbelief learning how many moms literally daydream about being hospitalized

It's a real phenomenon.

Canva, @emilykmay/X

woman lying in a hospital bed looking out the window

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll. In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.

moms, motherhood, exhaustion, parenting, parentingAn exhausted mom looks at her laptop while kids play in the backgroundImage via Canva

In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days."

In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror."

Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:

"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom.

"I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.


motherhood, moms, babies, exhaustion, mental healthAn exhausted mom holds her newborn babyImage via Canva

Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post.


They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest.

Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.

Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring.

"When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom."

moms, motherhood, mental health, exhaustion, relaxing, relaxation A mom relaxing in a chairImage via Canva

When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please."

Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate.

This article originally appeared three years ago.

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Pop Culture

TikTok star Jordan the Stallion shares new ‘Batman’ role and the secret to his addictive videos

He also explains Jason Bateman's unique charisma.

via Jordan the Stallion/TikTok (used with permission) and State Farm Insurance (used with permission)

Jordan Howlett (aka Jordan the Stallion) in his new role as Chief Gordon.

Jordan Howlett, 27, is known by his 26 million-plus followers on TikTok and Instagram as Jordan the Stallion (a play on singer Megan Thee Stallion). He’s attracted a massive following for his fast food recipes, life hacks, smooth voice, deep research, kind heart, and iconic “come here” camera zoom. Not bad for a guy who shoots most of his work staring into his bathroom mirror.

Now that he’s reached the pinnacle of TikTok popularity, he’s branching out as an actor. Specifically, he's taken a role as Commissioner Gordon in State Farm Insurance's new Batman-inspired commercial. Upworthy talked to Howlett about his new role and how he creates his incredibly popular videos.

The new State Farm commercials feature actor Jason Bateman as “Bateman,” the last person you want at a crime scene when you could have had the real thing, Batman, show up. In the spot's opening, Bateman meets Commissioner Gordon, played by Howlett, who closely resembles Jeffery Wright, who played the role in 2022’s The Batman.

“As I began to fill out, I started to resemble Jeffrey Wright, and I think it was just a perfect pairing. I love the work that Jeffrey does,” he told Upworthy. He also channeled Wright’s gritty performance for the State Farm spot. “My mind immediately went to Jeffrey Wright's version of Commissioner Gordon, where he talked with a grungy whisper.”

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Even though TikTok videos made him famous, Howlett couldn’t avoid catching the acting bug after this role. “I have been fully immersed and infected with the acting bug,” he told Upworthy. “I'm the embodiment of a fan and a student of acting and film and TV, and I have such tremendous respect for that art. And as much as I love having these opportunities, they’re due to the work I've done in the bathroom. I'm happy that those created these opportunities, and I don’t take them lightly.”

Howlett felt the “aura” surrounding his co-star Jason Bateman and tried to define that type of rare charisma. “I think it stems from people feeling as though they're represented by that person on screen,” he said. “If you watch people that you really admire, it’s like they speak to you in a certain way, right? Their art embodies something that really speaks to me. It's almost surreal because it's like you feel you know them on a molecular level.”

@jordan_the_stallion8

Dedication is important for big roles #StateFarmPartner @Jake from State Farm

In his videos, Howlett just tries to be himself. “It really is me,” he shared. “I don't have the bandwidth to try to put a mask on in any way. It really just is authentically myself. And I'm just happy that people can relate to that.” He also works quickly so that his videos feel natural. He records most of them in one take, but spontaneity has drawbacks. “The one downside is, after you posted, you think, like, ‘Oh, would have been funny if I said this.’ But, sorry, it’s too late because I was just doing it one time,” he said. That authenticity comes from a life where he has battled homelessness and depression and started a new life after being a Division 1 college baseball player.

Because of his ability to overcome his struggles, Jordan is seen as a role model or big-brother figure by some of his Gen Z followers. It’s a big responsibility that he takes seriously. ”I feel like there's a responsibility to people who see me in that way, to make sure that I do the best I possibly can to make them proud,” he told Upworthy. “I don't tell people to do something or use something that I wouldn't do or use myself, and make sure that I stay true to who I am and continue to do that out of respect for them. I'm honored.”

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Family

Why Gen X—'the forgotten generation'—might just make the best grandparents

Those latchkey kid qualities will come in clutch as we enter this stage of life.

Photo credit: Canva

Gen Xers will be the coolest grandparents ever.

Generation X came of age with The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, fought our way through the young adult years with Reality Bites and Friends, and managed the madness of middle age with Modern Family and The Office.

Now the "MTV generation" (yes, we really have been defined by our entertainment as much as anything else) is hitting a new life milestone as our kids start having babies. That's right, Gen Xers are becoming grandparents. The Brat Pack are turning into "The Golden Girls." Seems unreal, yet here we are.

pretty in pink, 80s, john hughes, coming of age, film, breakfast clubThe Breakfast Club is having grandbabies.Giphy

But no need to fret too much, slackers, because Gen X is not destined to be typical grandparents. We've already begun to establish that fact with our resistance to being called Grandma or Grandpa or any variation thereof. Gen X wants its own nicknames to match our unconventional, non-conformist vibe. Call us Bubs and Gigi. Popo and Yaya. Skipper and Queenie. Anything but Gramps and Gran, please.

We need cool nicknames because Gen Xers will inevitably be the coolest grandparents ever. After all, we're the coolest generation. It's just a fact. Everyone knows it.

cool, genx, generation x, grandparents, cool kidsEveryone knows it.Giphy

But for those who doubt, here's what makes "the forgotten generation" custom-made for grandparenthood:

Gen X is practical and resourceful

Grandkid got a bean stuck up their nose? Gen X won't panic. We've seen it all and we're excellent problem solvers. There's no grandkid shenanigan we can't handle. Think of all the stuff we had to figure out by ourselves when we were growing up and how we can pass those skills down to the grandkids. They're going to be shocked by what we're able to do.

Gen X is resilient but caring

We hear a lot about pendulum swings when it comes to parenting, and Gen X hasn't been immune to that phenomenon. The benign (and sometimes not-so-benign) neglect many Gen Xers experienced as kids may have led to some overprotectiveness and hovering in our own parenting styles, but we've learned a lot from both methods. We know that hardship builds character, but so do hugs. We've learned the balance of toughness and tenderness, so when the grandkid falls down, we'll encourage them to dust themselves off, give them a quick squeeze, and send them right back to the playground.

ferris bueller, dance, genx, generations, grandparentsMatthew Broderick Dancing GIFGiphy

Gen X is in tune with our inner child

If any generation has done the work of healing our inner child, it's Gen X. At least, let's hope most have. We've had a lot of decades now to come to terms with our upbringing, to heal the hurt parts, and to remember the joy and wonder of those 70s and 80s childhoods. Who better to hang out with the grandkids? We'll take them to the park and show them how to jump off the swing. We'll take them exploring in nature, make a picnic under a tree, and feel the grass between our toes. And we will thoroughly love it as it reminds us of our own childhoods.

Gen X is adaptable and tech-savvy

As the generation that didn't grow up with the Internet but raised kids who did, Gen X has had to adapt to all kinds of new, wonderful, and terrifying technologies in our parenting journeys. As a result, we can help out when the grandkids have some newfangled devices with unforeseen issues that their parents have no clue about. We've been there and done that and have the scars to prove it. Hopefully our adaptability will rub off on the younger set.

genx, say anything, tech, savvy, grandparentsGIF by moodmanGiphy

Gen X values work-life balance

We may not really be at retirement age yet, but Gen X is dialed in on work-life balance. We've got time for the grandkids because we make time for the grandkids. The rat race always got a cynical side eye from Gen X, and even those who've found success in the professional world aren't willing to sacrifice family for the company's bottom line. We'll make some sacrifices to give the grandkids some valuable real-life experiences, and we can teach them what really matters in life in the process.

In other words, Gen X is going to rock grandparenthood, shedding the stereotypes of older generations. We haven't done any other part of life according to the standard rules, and we're definitely not going to start now. We'll be writing our own grandparent playbook as we go, and our grandkids will be all the better for it.

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