Why women envy men's "carefree lives" and men envy women's "emotional freedom"
A new study shows that envy between genders reflects deeper societal pressures—but also how we can rise above them.
We have different gifts and burdens but we can rise above them.
What do men and women envy about each other? It’s a deceptively simple question, but the answers, as explored in a recent study from the University of Ostrava, dive deep into societal expectations, biological realities, and cultural stereotypes. Researchers surveyed 1,769 people, asking what they envied about the opposite gender. Their findings? A mixture of relatable, surprising, and thought-provoking insights that reveal how society shapes our perceptions of freedom and privilege. The study also uncovered a new type of envy, aptly named "ablative envy," in which we envy the absence of challenges we face.
Women envy freedom from physical and emotional burdens
When asked what they envied about men, women overwhelmingly pointed to what can be summed up as a less complicated, lower-stress existence. Respondents cited freedom from societal double standards, the ability to age without judgment, and even men’s tendency to "just fall asleep without overthinking."
“I think that kind of freedom, to do whatever you want, men are just bohemians.”
— Survey respondent
Many women envied men's perceived ability to "take everything lightly" and "not make a big deal out of anything." This sense of ease extended into professional realms. Women expressed frustration over pay gaps and career obstacles linked to motherhood, noting that men often enjoy "higher salaries" and "more favorable financial rewards at work."
The envy also touched on societal expectations around appearance. Women appreciated that men don't face the same scrutiny over aging and physical appearance. As the study notes, women envied "the ability to age into beauty" and not having to "spend an hour in front of a mirror before leaving the house." The freedom from stringent beauty standards was a recurring theme.
Physical strength and practical advantages were also points of envy. Women highlighted men's greater ability to perform physically demanding tasks, like "opening a jar without difficulty." Additionally, they envied men's convenience in everyday situations, such as urinating standing up.
Men envy women's emotional expressiveness and multifaceted abilities
Conversely, men’s envy centered on aspects of emotional life, relational depth, and domestic skills often associated with femininity. Many men admired women's ability to openly express emotions, form deep connections, and embrace nurturing roles without societal judgment.
The study found that men "envy women’s emotionality," noting that women are "permitted to express emotions at any time." In contrast, men often feel constrained by societal expectations to "earn and provide for their families." This emotional freedom allows women to build strong interpersonal relationships and support networks.
Men employed endearing terms such as "bringing new life into the world" and "a woman as a giver of life."
— Study findings
This envy extended to women's roles in nurturing and caregiving. Several men expressed admiration—and even envy—for women's capacity for motherhood.
Men's envy also encompassed women's multitasking abilities. They noted that women can "do multiple things at once" and "keep up with multiple tasks," managing both professional responsibilities and family life with apparent ease. One respondent admired that his wife is "adept at cooking, cleaning, washing, and handling various tasks in a playful manner."
Men also recognized women's "physical attractiveness" and the social advantages it can confer, thought perhaps not in the way you might expect. Researchers found that these replies were less about superficial qualities and more about the ease that women can "utilize charm to one's advantage" and the "capacity to influence and control others" through social interactions.
The emergence of "ablative envy"
One of the study’s most groundbreaking insights was the identification of "ablative envy." This form of envy is about wanting the absence of a burden, rather than a possession or trait. Women envied men for their lack of menstruation, childbirth, and menopause—biological processes that can be physically and emotionally taxing.
Men, on the other hand, envied women for being less pressured by societal expectations to suppress emotions or constantly "prove" their worth through stoicism and achievement. This concept of ablative envy highlights the deep emotional weight of societal expectations and biological realities, opening new avenues for understanding envy as more than just desire—it’s a longing for relief.
Bridging envy into empathy
Despite these differences, the study also showed that over 40% of women and more than half of men reported not envying the opposite gender at all. This suggests that while envy exists, it doesn’t define how people see each other—it’s just one layer of a complex relationship between genders.
Understanding these dynamics isn’t about fostering division but rather empathy. By recognizing the pressures each gender faces—whether it’s societal expectations, emotional labor, or physical challenges—we can work toward dismantling stereotypes and building a more equitable society.
The study points to actionable steps, like addressing pay inequality, supporting men’s mental health initiatives, and normalizing shared responsibility in caregiving roles. For individuals, it’s about stepping back from assumptions and celebrating the unique contributions of each person, regardless of gender.
What this study says about society
Ultimately, the study highlights how envy reflects societal imbalances. As long as one gender carries heavier burdens in certain domains, envy will persist. But it also shows a path forward—one where we move beyond envy to understanding and collaboration.
By tackling these underlying inequalities, we don’t just start to resolve envy. We create a society where everyone feels valued and supported—and that’s something worth striving for.
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