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Five Gen X values from the ’90s that can save today’s world

We're bringing "whatever" back.

1990s, gen x, '90s values
via Unsplash

A mix tape from 1992.

A few weeks ago I came across an article about a kid who watches television at 1.5x speed so he can cram as much viewing in as he can. It seemed that his unquenchable desire to get through shows in the Golden Age of television meant he’d sacrifice the entertainment value of the show just to get to the end.

“Man, this guy would have been crucified in 1993,” I thought.

As a 45-year-old card-carrying member of Generation X (those born between 1965 and 1979), I remembered a time when nobody bragged about the amount of TV they watched. In fact, they bragged about not owning a TV. “I don't watch TV, man,” people would say. “It only exists to sell you stuff.”

This complete reversal on the social acceptance of gluttonous TV viewing made me wonder what happened to the values we were raised on as Gen Xers? We were taught that sincerity was for simpletons, everything corporate is evil, old school is always better than the latest and greatest, authenticity is king, conformity is death and there is nothing worse than being a sell-out or a poser.

Nobody would have ever referred to themselves as an “influencer” in 1991—that’s the definition of a sell-out.

“After writing this book, I’m back in the mindset of ’90s thinking, which is that nothing is worse than selling out,” Chuck Klosterman, author of “The Nineties: A Book,” told Esquire. “Nothing was more embarrassing in the ’90s than trying to convince people to like the thing you made."

Deep inside the heart of almost every Gen Xer is a deep-seated feeling of nihilism. We didn’t trust the corporations that laid off our parents or gutted their pensions in the ’80s. In fact, everything corporate was predatory. We didn’t have a lot of faith in family values because we were the first generation raised by single parents or in daycare. We didn’t care much about politics either. Back in the ’90s, Gen X’s aversion to politics was historic.

Of course, these are all generalities about a generation of nearly about 65 million people, but studies show that there are some definite hallmarks of being a Gen Xer.


According to a generational differences document circulated through the business community, Gen X’s core values are “skepticism,” “fun” and “informality.” They’re described as “self-reliant,” “independent,” “unimpressed with authority” and motivated by “freedom.”

In the young Gen Xer, the culture of the era “instilled a wariness and skepticism, and a kind of ‘figure it out for yourself’ mindset,” Paul Taylor, author of “The Next America: Boomers, Millennials, and the Looming Generational Showdown” told The Washington Post. And with that came a sense “that you don’t have to shine a light on yourself. You’re not the center of the universe.”

But things have changed since the ’90s when Gen X was coming of age. We live in an American culture that is fractured by political partisanship, fueled by a constant culture of outrage, crippled by a preoccupation with technology, plundered by greedy boomers and annoyed by overly sensitive millennials. All of this is happening while we face the greatest challenge of our times, climate change.

The answer to all of these problems is simple: admit that Gen X at one point had it right and if we followed its lead, we could reverse these terrible trends. OK, it might not fix all of our woes, but the way things are going now surely aren’t working. Plus, weren’t the ’90s great?

Also, with hat in hand, I must admit that this message is for Gen Xers as well. Many of us have lost our way by forgetting our disdain for authority and skepticism toward institutions. This is a call for us to remember what we once stood for and to fight back by doing what we do best—staying above the fray.

Gen X, it’s time to strap on your Dr. Martens boots and get back to fighting the “Battle of Who Could Care Less.” It’s time we collectively got our “whatever” back and showed the other generations how powerful dismissiveness can be.

Here are the top five Gen X values that we need to embrace again.

5.  Buying vintage items

Nothing was less hip in the early ’90s than wearing mall clothes. If you had any style you shopped at a thrift store and bought used duds from the ’70s and early ’80s and remixed them into something awesome. If you were into hip-hop or skating you shopped at the surplus store and rocked some super-durable Dickies or Carhartt gear. The mood of the times was totally anti-fashion. These days, we live in a world where fast fashion is killing the environment. By embracing the Gen X value of old-school cool, we can help the planet while looking much more fashionable in the process.

4. Corporate skepticism

In the early 2000s, people fell head-over-heels in love with smartphone technology and social media so quickly that nobody stopped and said, “Hey, wait a minute!” Now, we have a world where kids are depressed, the culture has become divided and nobody talks to each other in public anymore, they just stare at their phones. I can totally understand why young millennials and Luddite boomers would fall for the big-tech ruse, but sadly, Gen X was asleep at the wheel and fell victim, too. The generation that embraced the notion that TV rotted your brain needs to remind everyone to go outside and play in the sunshine or read a book. And if you read a book it should be by Bret Easton Ellis.

3. Just say “whatever”

Two of the most popular Gen X phrases were “whatever” and “talk to the hand (because the face don’t give a damn).” These may seem to be flippant responses but they are the correct way to deal with other people’s nonsense and in 2022, we have to deal with a constant barrage of it.

Somewhere along the way, people forgot that it’s even more powerful to ignore someone than to admit they got under your skin. In the world of social media, we unintentionally amplify the most wretched voices by subtweeting, commenting and liking the posts from the army of grifters fighting for our attention.

We also live in an era where many seem to be addicted to outrage. The quickest way to stop fanning the flames of outrage is with a simple, “whatever.” Like dogs distracted by squirrels, we’ve got our heads on outrage swivels these days. Throwing around the occasional “whatever” gives us the time and energy to focus on the problems that really matter and take action.

These days “whatever” matters more than ever.

2. Bring back snobbery

Good taste used to matter. In the 2000s, millennials decided that people have the right to like what they like and that it’s worse to judge someone’s personal taste than to have bad taste. Gen Xers based their entire personalities on taste and demanded integrity from artists and were rewarded by living in a time of superior films and music. These days, no one listens to new music and we’re stuck in a world dominated by comic book movies because no one stood up and shamed people for liking low-effort culture.

1. ​Political apathy

America’s political divide has calcified over the past decade because more and more people are basing their personal identities on their politics. This has created a culture where the dialog between liberals and conservatives has become a shouting match that only makes people dig their heels in further. It’s also created a culture in Washington, D.C. that has attracted a more debased form of politician and led to the gridlock that has halted any sense of progress. Sadly, Gen X has also been sucked into this vortex.

Things were a lot different in the ’90s. Back in 1999, Ted Halstead at The Atlantic noted that Xers “appear to have enshrined political apathy as a way of life.” He added that Gen Xers “exhibit less social trust or confidence in government, have a weaker allegiance to their country or to either political party.”

Compared to what’s going on in America in 2022, this type of apathy seems welcome. Back in the ’90s, taking a “chill pill” could solve everything. Wouldn’t it be great if everyone took one, and then we could open our ears and hearts and have some constructive discussions?

There was a common lament in the 1980s that the boomer hippies had sold out and became boomer yuppies. They went from being concerned with peace, love and the planet to stocks, bonds and conspicuous consumption. Gen X is now in its 40s and 50s and it’s fair to say that we've moved from being the outsiders to creating technological and political machines that are generating the type of conformity that we once railed against.

Now that Xers are at the age where we get to run the world for a few decades, it’s time to recommit to the core values that make us well … us. The great news is that as Gen Xers, it’ll be easy to get back to our roots because we were raised to ironically love the past.


This article originally appeared on 03.10.22

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Family

Want your home to be 'the house' for your teens? Mom shares her 4 tips to make it happen.

Don't mistake being "the house" with being the "cool house."

parenting, teens, raising teens, teen hangout, high school, game night for teens, activities for teens, parenthood
hi.im.amywhite/Instagram

Amy White explains how her house became "the house" for her teens.

I grew up in "the house." In high school, my home was the designated place where my friends gathered, sometimes in big groups, sometimes just my small core squad. My three best friends spent the night there almost every Friday and/or Saturday night for four years straight. We devoured Totino's frozen pizzas by the dozen, inhaled soda, and laid waste to any snacks or leftovers that were brave enough to survive in the kitchen. Not only that, but my house was pretty small — four teenage boys took up a lot of space in the living room (the whole thing) and made a lot of noise playing video games deep into the night. It must have driven my parents and older brothers crazy. It's a wonder anyone put up with it.

Or so I thought when I was younger. When I became a parent myself, I started to understand a little more why my mom and dad were so willing to host and feed all my friends and me every single weekend. Why the outrageous grocery bill and constant chaos in the house were probably a small price to pay.

Mom explains how to make your house 'the house' where teenagers hang

One mom has perfectly encapsulated the value of turning your home into "the house" for your kids and their friends, and exactly how she did it for her family.

teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teens hanging out in a living room.via Canva/Photos

Amy White shared a reel on Instagram showing her college-aged son hanging in her dining room with a group of friends playing cards. The text overlay reads "What makes your kids' high school friends want to come over, play cards & spend the night on their College Christmas Break." I think most parents can agree that we want our kids to keep coming home as long as possible! So how exactly did White pull this off?

Her explanation in the caption was spot-on.

First, White says that you have to start early. Become "the hang out house" in high school or even earlier. Then you have a better chance of holding onto the mantle into your kid's college years.


Next, be ready to stock the house with snacks and drinks, and don't make a fuss when your kid's friends have at it. "The kids knew we had food," she writes, "BUT they also knew I didn't care what they had. They knew they could eat anything in my pantry and fridge."

Third, and this is a big one, don't mistake being the "cool house" for being "the house." Some parents choose to allow their underage kids and friends to drink alcohol under their supervision, but you don't have to bend your morals and the law to lure the squad over to your place. Pizza and Coke is plenty to keep most teens happy. "We were not the house that served alcohol or even allowed the kids to bring alcohol to our house. And Guess What?? The kids still came and wanted to hang at our house!"

teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teenagers eating pizza.via Canva/Photos

Fourth, always say Yes (as often as possible, anyway) when your kids want to have friends over. "They know my answer is 99% of the time YES," White writes. "You have to have your kids take the leadership of offering your home and if your home was 'open' to their friends in high school, they know it will be 'open' to their friends in college."

As a bonus tip, White pleas with parents not to worry about the mess having friends over makes. "I love a clean house and organization, BUT I would much rather have a crazy messy house for the kids where memories are made than a quiet house with nothing going on just to keep my house 'clean.'"

Should parents allow teens to drink at home?

There's an age-old debate over whether parents should allow teens to drink at home because it's better than if they do is unsupervised or keep their home dry as a bone. A recent study out of the University of Buffalo found that kids who grew up drinking at home had a greater chance of having addiction problems when they got older. "A robust relationship was found between parental permission to use alcohol during adolescence and increased alcohol use frequency and quantity, alcohol use disorder symptoms, and alcohol-related harms in young adulthood," the study says.

White writes, "It's worth being 'the house', so let go of control & get to know your kids friends." Commenters agreed.

White's video went viral to the tune of 8.5 million views and hundreds of comments. Parents shared their own experiences of what it's like being the default hang out house.

"Our house was the high school hangout for my son and friends... every weekend... I loved it!! Miss it now that they are all college graduates and have moved away. I love seeing them when they do come home for the holidays"

"A wise man once said don't be the house with the alcohol. Be the house with the food."

"Amy 1000% agree!!! My house is full of teenagers on the weekends and I love every bit of it. Even though I wake up to a kitchen that looked much different from when I left it"


teens, teen house, teens hanging out, teens having fun, teenagers Teenagers eating pizza.via Canva/Photos

"We never allowed alcohol, drugs, bad language, always respectful, and guess what, our house was always the house where the kids hung out. First my daughter, then my son. Through grade school, high school, then when my kids went out of state for college their college friends would come spend a couple weeks during the summer. I always thought of it this way, I loved knowing my kids friends and, who knows, maybe some of those kids, especially during the younger years, just maybe those kids just needed an adult to care. Anyway, it was always fun to have them here!"

"It used to crack me up when my daughter would bring over a bunch of her friends (girls and boys) in high school and instead of hanging out in the family room they all wanted to crowd into either the kitchen with me or our tiny office and happily share all the gossip with me."

Experts say that knowing your kids' friends, and their parents, can have huge benefits. Not only will it bring you the peace of mind of knowing where your kid is and who they're with when they get to those crucial high school years, it has been shown to tangibly improve kids ability to create positive relationships and problem-solve collaboratively. Plus, it can actually be really fun! Kids and teens are the funniest, silliest, most interesting people on the planet. Having a house full of them is messy and loud, but it's always a good time.

One caveat: "don’t feel bad if your house isn’t the chosen house," one commenter reminds us. "Just be happy your kid has a good group of friends and be thankful they have somewhere safe to hang out."

This article originally appeared last year.

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Golden Years

'Boomer panic' is a real phenomenon, and the reason for it is heartbreaking

This isn't just young generations bashing the old.

baby boomer, older generation, old people, boomer panic, generations
Photo credit: Canva

Boomer panic is real.

If you have Boomers in your life, you may have noticed a tendency that seems a bit baffling. Despite being older and theoretically wiser, our elders can sometimes become anxious over seemingly small things.

In a video posted in September 2023, TikToker @myexistentialdread used the phrase “Boomer panic” to explain how Baby Boomers (1946 to 1964) can quickly become unhinged when faced with the most minor problems. It all started when she visited a Lowe’s hardware store and encountered a Boomer-aged woman working at the check-out stand.

“I had a dowel that didn’t have a price tag on it, whatever, so I ran back and took a photo of the price tag. And as I was walking back towards her, I was holding up my phone… because I had multiple dowels and that was the one that didn’t have the price tag on it,” she said in the video. “And she looks at me and she goes, ‘I don’t know which one that is,’ and she starts like, panicking.” The TikToker said that the woman was “screechy, panicking for no reason.”

boomers, baby boomers, aging, getting older, emotional regulation Older people can become frustrated over seemingly small things.Photo credit: Canva

Many people raised by Boomers understood what she meant by "Boomer panic." "Boomer panic is such a good phrase for this! Minor inconvenience straight to panic," the most popular commenter wrote. And while there was some unfortunate boomer-bashing in the comments, some younger people tried to explain why the older folks have such a hard time regulating their emotions: “From conversations with my mother, they weren’t allowed to make mistakes and were harshly punished if they did.” The TikToker responded, “A lot of people mentioned this, and it breaks my heart. I think you’re right,” Myexistentialdread responded.

A follow-up video by YourTango Editor Brian Sundholm tried to explain Boomer panic in an empathetic way.

“Well, it's likely that there actually was a reason the woman started panicking about a seemingly meaningless problem,” Sundholm said. “Most of us nowadays know the importance of recognizing and feeling our emotions.” Sundholm then quoted therapist Mitzi Bachman, who says that when people bottle up their emotions and refuse to express them, it can result in an "unhinged" reaction.

TikToker Gabi Day shared a similar phenomenon she noticed with her Boomer mom; she called the behavior “anxiety-at-you.”

Day’s Boomer mother was “reactive,” “nervous,” and “anxious” throughout her childhood. Now, she is still on edge with Day’s children. “She's immediately like gasping and just really like exaggerated physical reactions, and then, of course, that kind of startles my kid,” Day said. “Again, I know that this comes from a place of care. It's just a lot,” she continued.

@itsgabiday It comes from a place of love but it is exhausting 🫠😬 #millennialmomsoftiktok #boomergrandma #reparenting #gentleparenting ♬ original sound - Bright Body

There is a significant difference in emotional intelligence and regulation between how Boomers were raised and how younger generations, such as Gen X, millennials, and Gen Z, were brought up. Boomers grew up when they had to bottle up their feelings to show their resilience. This can lead to growing anger, frustration with situations and people, chronic stress, and anxiety—all conditions that can lead to panicky, unhinged behavior.

Ultimately, Sundholm says that we should sympathize with Boomers who have difficulty regulating their emotions and see it as an example of the great strides subsequent generations have made in managing their mental health. “It may seem a little harsh to call something 'Boomer panic,' but in the context of how many of them were raised, it makes a lot of sense,” Sundholm says. “It also underlines the importance of emotional regulation skills and teaching them to future generations. And maybe most important, having compassion for those who never had a chance to learn them.”

boomers, baby boomer, genreations, compassion, emotional regulation Having compassion for older generations can go a long way. Photo credit: Canva

Psychotherapist Jennifer Gerlach LCSW writes about the emotional reality of how Boomers were brought up and why they deserve our compassion:

"The progeny of the Greatest Generation. Their youth was a time of prosperity where appearances, 'keeping up with the Joneses,' was quite important. Although many of the years following are graced by stereotypes of openness and expression, parenting practices reflected more of a 'toughness' than most used today. Phrases like 'quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about' reflected negative reactions to emotional expression. The concept of trauma only reached some 'capital T' traumas—sexual assault and war. Many things that we know can be traumatic today were not treated as such. Psychotherapy was stigmatized and kept secret."

When we know more about where people from other generations came from, it's easier to understand and find compassion for them.

This article originally appeared in March.


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Golden YearsIdentity
Joy

People from around the globe share 15 signs that someone is obviously an American

"An Italian told me that Americans walk confidently in the wrong direction."

tourists, american tourists, us tourists, vacation, american style
via Tarnie/Flickr, Paul Duncan/Flickr, tAlex Bikes/Flickr

Americans on vacation.

One of the fun things about traveling to different countries is that you not only get to learn about other cultures, but you also learn some things about your own. Americans who travel abroad often learn that people around the world appreciate them for being open, friendly, and good at spreading hope and optimism.

On the other hand, people in other countries can often tell when an American is coming from a mile away because they speak loudly, whether indoors or outdoors. Americans also have a very peculiar body language and are known to lean on things when they have to stand for an extended period.


A Reddit user posed a question in the AskReddit subforum to learn more about how Americans stand out abroad: What's an "obvious" sign that someone is American? The post received more than 35,000 responses, with an overwhelming number of commenters noting that Americans are all smiles and love to make small talk, something most people appreciate.

According to Redditors, here are 15 "obvious" signs that someone is American:

1. They have a unique confidence

"An Italian told me that Americans walk confidently in the wrong direction."

"Been taught to walk fast, and look worried.. People think you know what you're doing."

2. They're friendly

"I worked as a cashier in a tourist place in Paris, I always recognised Americans because they were kinda friendly to me and they always left tips."

"I guess there are worse things than friendly and generous."


3. Time = distance

"If someone asks how far away something is, an American will tell how you long it takes to get there as opposed to a physical distance."

"It actually pisses off some Americans to give a distance in miles, unless they're calculating gas mileage. In some places, you have to give with and without traffic options. I think it's more valuable info in time than in distance."

4. Grinning at strangers

"The gentle grins you give to strangers if you make eye contact with them as you pass by, at least in the Midwest. was not well received in Germany."

"I dated a European man here in the US. When we walked together, every time I made eye contact with someone on our path I would smile at them, and they would always smile back. Boyfriend was so confused at all these strangers smiling at me. Kept asking if I knew all these people. It was hilarious."


5. They like personal space

"How much personal space they give themselves. Americans like at LEAST an arm's length."

"We're conditioned to fill spaces evenly. I noticed when i worked delivery, spending lots of quality time on elevators that for every new person that enters, everybody shuffles to even things out. Similar thing plays out in social gatherings and bars. Not sure if that's universal or not, but I find it interesting. I think the size of our personal bubbles is because our spaces are generally much larger because we've got the space (heh) to build bigger buildings, sidewalks, roads etc. Might also explain why we're louder. Used to filling larger spaces with volume."

Body language expert Joe Navarro says that among Americans, the social zone for acquaintances and casual interactions is four to 12 feet, while family and close friends stand 1.5 to four feet apart. The intimate zone, for those closest to us, ranges from the skin to about 18 inches.


6. They lean

"According to the CIA, when training to be a spy, you have to unlearn how to lean. Americans tend to lean on things when standing still."

All of this is true, according to Jonna Mendez, the former chief of disguise at the CIA, who has shared some of her tips and tricks for making Americans seem more European. "So we would de-Americanize you," Mendez told NPR. "They think that we are slouchy, a little sloppy. And they think that they can almost see that in our demeanor on the street because they stand up straight. They don't lean on things."


7. They don't have an indoor voice

"I've lived in America for 25 years, and it still irritates me that instead of lowering their voices in restaurants so everyone can hear, Americans just scream over each other and make their restaurants as loud as clubs."

"For some reason, my otherwise smart and wonderful American friends will speak in the same volume, diction, and speed regardless of any outside factor unless specifically asked."

8. Dessert for breakfast

"In my homestay in London, I was told that I was 'so American' for enjoying a piece of cake for breakfast (not frosted cake, but like a nuts and dried fruit spiced coffeecake kind of thing). Apparently, that's exclusively for like a 4 pm snack, and breakfast is more of a savory meal."

"A lot of American breakfast items in my mind are desserts (pancakes, muffins, waffles, etc.). It doesn't mean I won't eat them, but it's kinda weird to do so."

9. They wear their clothes differently

"A British man once told me he knew I was American because I was wearing a baseball cap backwards."

"An Italian told me they could tell I was American because I wore my sunglasses on the top of my head when I wasn't using them."


10. Exposed soles

"While visiting Turkey, I was told that I looked American because I was sitting with one leg across the other, and the bottom of my shoe was exposed. Apparently, it's rude idk."

"In a lot of places outside of the US, showing the bottom of your shoe is rude."

11. Tactical gear

"Tactical sunglasses."

"I'm in the US, and virtually anything marketed towards men has the word 'tactical' in front of it."

12. They love small talk

"I'm from California (though a smallish town), and we wave to neighbors on our road, even if we haven't met, and start conversations in the grocery line with people if the opportunity presents itself. Also, smiling and saying hello to someone you happen to walk by and make eye contact with is quite normal. We are a social species, it would be so weird not to be friendly, even to strangers, for me, and I'm not even that social of a person."

"What really gets me to it is not that Americans do small talk constantly, but the fact that they are so good and fast at it. I mean, I say 'yeah, it's hot,' and they reply with some interesting fact or make a connection to their hometown. I feel less of myself after this. They must have some small talk class in school or some sh*t."

13. They like to point

"I've always observed my US friends like to point at stuff while walking and say what it is…. We were out walking around Amsterdam recently and they were like 'hey look it's a smoke shop'…. 'Oh look a sex shop'…. 'Oh hey, it's a prostitute' …. 'Look at the canal'…. 'Wow it's another prostitute'….. 'another canal' etc etc. It was like watching Netflix with Audio Descriptions turned on."

"You know that little voice inside your head, your internal monologue? Americans seem to monologue their thoughts."


14. Optimism and enthusiasm

"Dunno in all context, but Americans in Europe stand out with their ceaseless optimism and enthusiasm."

"I'm reminded a lot of Ted Lasso. Everyone I know (all Americans) loves the show. I wonder what kind of European fan base it has."

"Americans are so positive and have such a thirst for life. It sickens me."

15. They eat while walking

"When I lived in Europe, people said only Americans eat while walking. I'd be eating a bagel or something on the way to work or class, and multiple people asked if I was American lol."

"Jay Leno said on Top Gear, I think it was, that Americans are also the only people who eat while driving. I don't do this, but I constantly see people who do, haha, especially in LA, where people spend a lot of time in their cars."

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30 things frugal people have completely stopped buying to save tons of money

You'd never miss most of these.

frugal living, frugal reddit, reddit, ask reddit, money, saving money, frugal tips, money saving tips
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Getting rid of some unnecessary purchases can pay off big time.

Saving money is never a bad thing, but now seems a particularly good time to get better at it with the cost of living having increased by over 25% in the last five years. For those looking for economical solutions for how to cut back on spending, a smart place to start is taking an inventory of your spending habits and what you buy. And, more importantly, what you don't.

In an online forum of frugal people, member TS1664 posed the question to fellow savvy financial members: "What’s something you stopped buying completely and don’t miss at all?"

They continued, "For me it’s paper towels. Switched to rags and microfiber cloths a year ago and haven’t looked back. I used to go through a roll a week without thinking, now I just toss the cloths in with regular laundry. Saves money and space."

And they ended the post with some more insight. "It made me realize how many things I was buying out of habit, not need. What things others have cut out completely that turned out to be no big deal or even better without. Could use some inspiration!"

frugal living, frugal reddit, reddit, ask reddit, money, saving money, frugal tips, money saving tips One Redditor saved big by switching from paper towels to cloths. Photo by Brian Patrick Tagalog on Unsplash

The callout garnered some excellent real-life advice from frugal people. These are 30 things that thrifty people shared they stopped buying completely that helped save them money.

"Dryer sheets." Super-Examination594

"Starbucks - bought an espresso machine, took some time to learn how to dial it in and pull a proper shot. It’s been 4+ Years and don’t miss it one bit." Fox_137

(Making coffee at home is a great tip. You can even copycat many of Starbucks' recipes at home, if you have an espresso maker. If you don't, it'll pay for itself quickly.)

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Makeup! Used to wear it every day and buy tons of it to try new products and such. Now I only wear it for special occasions. It works great — even just a little bit of makeup really pops when you hardly ever wear any." VerschwendeMeineZeit

"Soda. Too expensive now. Pre-pandemic, sometimes Kroger would have a sale (4) 12-packs for $10." NotJimIrsay

"Cigarettes 😊." rickety_picket

"Bottled water." WorriedPermission872

Good news for anyone struggling to give up bottled water: Tap water is often just as good for you.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

"Most fast food but especially McDonald's and bk. When I paid $20 for two adults' meals, it stopped making sense, and I'll cook better burgers and better sides fries at home for less." diegothengineer

"Cable tv subscription." nombreusuario

"Pizza delivery service. Frozen meals are just as unhealthy, but much cheaper." The_Keri2

"We started our pizza making journey by buying dough (under $2) at trader joe's. it really lowered the barrier to entry. once we kind of perfected the bake etc, we started playing with dough recipes until we found one we loved. it sounds painful but it was a good learning experience and fun to do together." suddenlymary

"I stopped buying scented candles. I used to grab them all the time on impulse, but they’re expensive, don’t last that long, and honestly gave me headaches half the time. Now I just open a window or boil some citrus peels with cloves if I want the place to smell nice." HollisWhitten

frugal living, frugal reddit, reddit, ask reddit, money, saving money, frugal tips, money saving tips Candles smell great, but are a totally unnecessary purchase for most people. Photo by No Revisions on Unsplash

"Cigarettes and nicotine pouches! Been smoke free since august 2021 and pouch free since July 2024 :)." HueLord3000

"Amazon Prime. We stopped paying for the privilege of shopping and making money for Bozo. Now, we just put stuff in the cart until there is enough for free shipping. I don’t miss Prime, I never found anything on Prime video I wanted to watch once that wasn’t a rental. We live in a rural village, so online is cheaper than driving 25 to 50 miles to a store." cwsjr2323

"Lottery tickets." evissamnoisis

"Hair color. I’ve embraced the gray!" phishinfordory

"I’ll add sandwich bread. I started making my own. It costs just over $1 for me to make a small loaf that’s just enough for the 2 of us for a week. Plus no additives or preservatives." BeerWench13TheOrig

"Books. I go to the library." Significant-Emu1855

"Broth. Have an ongoing 'broth bag' going in the freezer. Once I run out of frozen broth cubes, I make another round." Colorfulplaid123

"New clothes from shops! I'm now a charity shop and Vinted gal, my clothes are so much better quality and I spend less." CorinaPhoto

"Bidet toilet seat is cheap, easy to install, much easier and faster to use, and most importantly will keep you far cleaner while not wasting any toilet paper." hopopo

frugal living, frugal reddit, reddit, ask reddit, money, saving money, frugal tips, money saving tips A bidet toilet seat might be an investment, but it'll save you tons on toilet paper. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

"Menstrual products. Bought a menstrual cup back in 2016 and have not looked back." simply-misc

"Chip clips. I buy cheap old wooden clothespins! Works great and if they break, no biggie. It’s $2 for 24. I also use clear shower caps for dishes I have no lids for or it’s something that can’t have a lid, like deviled eggs. I use the shower caps. Much cheaper than those bowl covers they sell 8-12 in a pack for $1.25. Those bowl covers are kind of pricey and you get 1 large and 2 mediums and a bunch of tiny ones!!" Florida1974

"Alcohol." Fit_Artichoke_523

"Baked beans in the can, I literally keep everything on hand to make it so it was an excess purchase. Instant rice packs, I make regular rice, 20 minutes is not that long 😆 We keep getting gifted napkins but we don’t purchase them." Miss_Pouncealot

"Soap in a pump bottle. Switched to bars (Costco). So much value, less trash and plastic, and a better experience. Why did we invent pump bottle soap??" thebiglebowskiisfine

This article originally appeared two months ago. It has been updated.

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19 life hacks that are 'so good' these people swore they'd never share them

They've been keeping these to themselves for years, until now.

life hacks, secrets, advice, tips, tricks, life advice, life tips, productivity tips, small talk tips
via Canva/Photo

People are finally sharing the "life hacks" they've been keeping to themselves for years.

Some life hacks are so good, they should be called "cheat codes." Some cheat codes are so powerful, the people who know them are hesitant to share them.

Everyone has their own favorite tricks and tips. A bunch of them were very kind and shared those secret life hacks on a recent social media post where someone asked, “What’s a life hack so good you almost don’t want to share it?” The thread received over 3500 responses, and we culled the best from them to make our readers’ lives easier.

The advice covers everything from how to win an argument to finding precious metals at your local second-hand store. The life hacks that are “so good” also include ways to prevent potentially aggravating people from getting in your face and the power of learning how to smile.

Here are 19 life hacks that are “so good” people almost didn’t want to share them. (Thankfully, they did.)

1. That's where it goes

"If you look for something and it's not in the first place you look, THAT IS THE PLACE WHERE IT GOES. So when you find it, put it in the first place you looked for it."

2. How to argue (from a lawyer)

"When arguing about something, ask what their interests ('why' they want/don’t want something) are rather than their position. Usually, it’s easier to come to an agreement if you approach a conflict from this angle. Also, conceding a minor point during the argument 'you’re right about x' and 'I don’t disagree with y' tends to lessen the guard of your opposition and thus making it easier to get what you want out of them."

"I just saw something similar to this. If you and another person are arguing over who gets a lemon, you’ll eventually agree to just cut it in half. But if you ask why they want the lemon, you’ll find out one person wants to juice it and one person wants the skin for zest for a recipe, so each party can have 100% of what they want if they just take the time to see the 'why' of the other person."

"Whenever arguing with someone and it's going round and round trying to come up with a compromise, ask 'what does a solution look like to you?' Half the time they got no clue the other half is something you willing to compromise. It has cut down every single argument in my relationship."


- YouTube www.youtube.com

3. How to stop a 'Karen' in their tracks

"I work as a receptionist, and my supervisor always asks me how our guests like me even if they are rude to other staff. My trick is when someone is checking in that looks like a typical Karen I always give them a compliment like 'where did you get your nails done? They are so pretty!' It usually works."

"I used be in maintenance for a huge school district. Whenever I was sent to a school where the office staff had a reputation for being cranky complainy crabby pants, I had a whole song and dance I'd run through when I got there. I'd walk into the office with a big smile, acting like the nicest person in the world, just a big dumb puppy who has no idea this is a "crabby admin" school. Then, when the timing is right, I'd let slip the casual comment of 'I really like coming to this school, everyone is so nice!' It's like a magic spell. The grumpuses always tried to live up to my unrealistic view of them, and were always at least reasonable, if not downright pleasant. It always felt like cheating, but really all I was doing was setting an example they wanted to follow."

4. Buy the same socks

"Find a pair of socks you really like. Buy like.... 40 pairs. Throw out your other socks. Now you can just grab any two socks and have a pair. Get a hole in one? Throw it out. You still have tons of others of the same."


life hacks, secrets, advice, tips, tricks, life advice, life tips, productivity tips, small talk tips Buy dozens of pairs of the same socks. Photo by Anna Evans on Unsplash

5. The 3 hobbies rules

"I was thinking about what I need to be happy, and came to the conclusion that I need 3 hobbies: one creative, one physical, and one social. For social, I do board game nights weekly. This ensures I have something planned for the week to look forward to. For physical, I go to the gym, which, to be honest, I hate and have always hated, so I took up bouldering too. This is a great hobby because it can also be very social, and it's also just fun. And for creative, I dabble in things like drawing, knitting, and other needlework. I also throw in reading here too, because it can make you think and imagine. If you play D&D, this can also combine with social. I've been extremely happy since figuring out for myself. I've always had a list of hobbies I want to try, but this helps me organize them."

6. Learn how to smile

"A genuine looking— and I say looking because it doesn’t need to actually be genuine, smile. It will disarm people making them more comfortable around you, you’ll be more likely to get dates, you’ll be more likely to get jobs, you’ll be more likely to make friends, your dating profile will look better, your wedding pics will look better, hell your social media will look better. Learn how to smile. Look it up on YouTube."


- YouTube www.youtube.com

7. The bathroom test

"Being in the restaurant business for over 20 years now, if you go into a restaurant and their bathrooms are dirty, then get out of there. It means most likely, of course, not always, that their kitchen is just as dirty. If the general manager doesn’t care about what the guests can see, he’s definitely not caring about what the guest can’t see and that gets you such a higher chance of food poisoning."

8. Wake up a little earlier

"Getting up consistently to start your day at a reasonable hour - regardless of intent to go anywhere or do anything - really does give you extra time in the week to get sh*t done."

9. How to make someone like you

"To get someone to like you, ask them two questions, then after the second one, validate their response. Repeat. That's it. It's alarmingly effective. Just ask them any question about something they seem like they might want to talk about. hobbies or job or whatever. if you dont know anything about them, ask about the best place they've traveled, or would like to go if they haven't traveled. then, whatever they say, just ask a follow-up question about it. Then whatever they say to that, just say something positive that supports their opinion. it can be as simple as 'that seems really cool' or something more specific that shows you've been listening and agree/support them."

10. Visualize your life

"Ask yourself what your ideal happy life would look like, and then isolate each aspect as an objective to work towards, always breaking down larger goals into smaller doable steps. Makes things seem less daunting and gives you feasable objectives to work towards."

11. Know the goal of the conversation

"Before entering any difficult conversation, conflict, apology, request, etc, you should know what your goal of the conversation for yourself is. What do you want the outcome to be? How do you want this interaction to end? How do you want both parties to be left feeling? Know this first, then practice running both sides in your head a few times. Crucially, this prepares you direct the conversation for the outcome you want, instead of just saying what you really want say. Know your goal, and you’re way more likely to reach it."

12. Thrift store jewelry

"Second-hand shops—check the jewelry because, funnily enough, the volunteers working there probably don't know much about gold. I make a fair good chunk of cash a year going through jewelry at thrift stores."

Social media is overflowing with people eagerly sharing their best thrift store finds.


@ashlee_384

The biggest thrift score find! #thrift #thrifting #thrifted #vintagejewelry #vintage

13. Bake bacon

"Piece of parchment paper over any type of pan. Bam, no mess. People boiling it in skillets on the stove are living in the stone age."

14. How to talk to new people

"When the conversation starts to die or needs a pick me up, ask what the people around you did that day. It sounds really simple, but not a lot of people get asked this question regularly, so it’s likely you’ll get a genuine answer and make the person feel like you’re interested and invested. This is my hack for work events, family you haven’t seen in ages, or a friend of a friend you just met and your mutual friend just left you two alone. I think it’s safe to assume it would be a good icebreaker on a first date as well."

15. Self-control through pain

"The only thing in control of your mind and body is you. Go stand out in the rain and fight the instinct to flee inside. Find your zen. Overcome your base instincts and then figure out how to apply them to the rest of your life. Hunger, anxiety, self-esteem issues, etc, all things to overcome, master, and control."

16. Easy investment

"Invest (a portion of ) every paycheck into an S&P 500 index fund. It’s easy, the fees are incredibly low (nobody seems to understand mutual funds that are not index charge a fee! and if you do it consistently you will end up with money. Proven through depressions, recessions, and large-scale wars. That is all."


life hacks, secrets, advice, tips, tricks, life advice, life tips, productivity tips, small talk tips The most stable, reliable investment you could make. Photo by Nicholas Cappello on Unsplash

17. Know their name

"When a customer service person (finally) answers the phone and says 'my name is [NAME], [something something] how can I help you?' I make a note of their name and say, "Hi [NAME], how's it going/how are you doing?" in a friendly, conversational tone before introducing myself & my issue. Customer service is a soulless job and involves dealing with a lot of belligerent people, so setting the tone and establishing a rapport by mentioning their names makes it a little more personal and tends to lead to better outcomes. Can probably expand this to all interactions, tbh."

18. Cook like a French chef

"For cooking: The idea of ”Mise en place“ it‘s a French phrase that means ”Put in place“ before you start any cooking you set up and put all your ingredients to side: spices, sauces, all your veggies are cut and ready to put in the bowl or pan before you cook. Makes cooking 100% less stressful when you have everything ready and on hand."

19. Hack your phone's autocorrect

"Set your phone to autocorrect 'qaz' to your email address"


This article originally appeared in January. It has been updated.

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