+
upworthy
Recommended

Would you stay in a relationship with someone after learning they had a toxic political belief?

Would you stay in a relationship with someone after learning they had a toxic political belief?
Photo by T. Chick McClure on Unsplash.

You think you know someone pretty well when you spend years with them, but, as we've seen time and again, that's not always the case. And though many relationships don't get to a point where the producers of "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" start calling every day just to chat, the reality is that sometimes partners will reveal shocking things even after you thought you'd been all shocked out.

That's the case for one woman whose Reddit thread has recently gone viral. The 25-year-old, who's been with her boyfriend for five years, took to a forum for relationship advice to ask if it was normal that her seemingly cool and loving boyfriend recently revealed women shouldn't have a fundamental right. (And no, it's not abortion — although there are a lot of "otherwise best ever boyfriends" out there who want to deny women the rights to bodily autonomy, too.)


The post opens with the anonymous woman expressing that she's feeling a lot of confusion before moving into the fact that her boyfriend has gone full Gilead on her:

"In the time I have known him, my boyfriend has always fell politically independent, or so I thought," she writes. "Politics was never an issue between us at all. However he just admitted to me that over the past year he's grown more and more extreme in his views, to the point that he believes women have ruined the country (we are American) and that they should not be allowed to vote... He says he did not feel comfortable telling me about this sooner because he thought he would lose me."

Megan Rapinoe says the best way to support equal pay is by putting your money where your mouth is.

Of course, there's a caveat: The poster's boyfriend thinks she should have a right to vote. It's just all the other women that are bad. Okay. Cool. Got it.

Though some people might immediately scream "fake news," it's worth noting that men wanting to repeal women's right to vote isn't a new sentiment. In the run-up to the 2016 election, the hashtag #repealthe19th (first coined in 2011) trended with anti-women remarks and insults after FitveThirtyEight.com posted graphics showing Trump would win the election without contest if only men were allowed to vote.

But back to the Reddit post: After the anonymous woman laid out the glaring problem in her relationship, she asked whether her upset was an over-reaction. "Am I wrong to be questioning our relationship over his new beliefs? As his girlfriend am I supposed to be tolerant and respectful of his views even though I may (strongly) disagree?" she wrote.

Fortunately, other users were quick to point out it was her boyfriend that was the problem. Not just because of his views (which are gross and will likely lead to problems in the future), but because he's sexist and manipulative. Especially with that whole "Oh, honey, you can vote. You're fine. Just not your mother or sisters or aunts or friends or literally any other woman in America" business.

"My ex boyfriend who I dated for 3 years said the same thing to me. He believed women having the right to vote ruined the USA, and that he believed that women shouldn't have the right to vote (except me)," one user wrote.

"He ended up getting more misogynistic (or showing it more) as we dated and even publicly shamed me for not being able to wash dishes (I can btw, I'm Chinese and my parents didn't allow the use of dish washers so he was unnecessarily just being an asshole) when we were shopping at a supermarket and came upon a pair of gloves."

"I dated someone for 3 years who at the end of our relationship casually mentioned he didn't think the holocaust happened. I. WAS. SHOCKED," wrote another. "I too had the same feelings you are having and wasn't sure what to do. In the coming weeks though he became more and more open with his radical viewpoints and it became abundantly clear that we would never work out. It was so weird though to have someone I knew SO we'll become a stranger in a matter of weeks. If I could go back in time to when he first told me that I would have left him then and there. It would have been a lot less ugly in the long run that way."

A viral post helps explain what to say - and what not to say - to a parent who has lost a child.

Other users made it clear that this was about much more than just voting. "He doesn't feel that you deserve a vote in your country's elections. Doesn't seem like much of a leap to assume he doesn't think you deserve a say in much else. I'd be out of there so fast," wrote one commenter.

Another pointed out that while the original poster might have thought this came out of the blue, it probably wasn't: "It's sudden for you, but it's not sudden for him. He's been exploring these ideas, considering them. He was aware that you would not approve, so he waited until he was completely convinced," they wrote.

"Not to mention what other things he could be keeping secret right now as well in order to avoid her judgement/ending the relationship. Thoughts like this one are rarely isolated," someone added.

"He waited until he knew she was really on the hook and would have this debate about 'losing him' and not being able to imagine him not in her life," one more user pointed out.

In the end, the woman who posted the call for advice decided that she would confront her boyfriend about his new-found viewpoints, but it's disheartening to see that the views her man's spouting are so common. Here's hoping for the best for everyone who's experienced this — and a lot of growth and reflection for those who are trying to send us back into the dark ages of civil rights.

Identity

Celebrate International Women's Day with these stunning photos of female leaders changing the world

The portraits, taken by acclaimed photographer Nigel Barker, are part of CARE's "She Leads the World" campaign.

Images provided by CARE

Kadiatu (left), Zainab (right)

True

Women are breaking down barriers every day. They are transforming the world into a more equitable place with every scientific discovery, athletic feat, social justice reform, artistic endeavor, leadership role, and community outreach project.

And while these breakthroughs are happening all the time, International Women’s Day (Mar 8) is when we can all take time to acknowledge the collective progress, and celebrate how “She Leads the World.

This year, CARE, a leading global humanitarian organization dedicated to empowering women and girls, is celebrating International Women’s Day through the power of portraiture. CARE partnered with high-profile photographer Nigel Barker, best known for his work on “America’s Next Top Model,” to capture breathtaking images of seven remarkable women who have prevailed over countless obstacles to become leaders within their communities.

“Mabinty, Isatu, Adama, and Kadiatu represent so many women around the world overcoming incredible obstacles to lead their communities,” said Michelle Nunn, President and CEO of CARE USA.

Barker’s bold portraits, as part of CARE’s “She Leads The World” campaign, not only elevate each woman’s story, but also shine a spotlight on how CARE programs helped them get to where they are today.

About the women:

Mabinty

international womens day, care.org

Mabinty is a businesswoman and a member of a CARE savings circle along with a group of other women. She buys and sells groundnuts, rice, and fuel. She and her husband have created such a successful enterprise that Mabinty volunteers her time as a teacher in the local school. She was the first woman to teach there, prompting a second woman to do so. Her fellow teachers and students look up to Mabinty as the leader and educator she is.

Kadiatu

international womens day, care.org

Kadiatu supports herself through a small business selling food. She also volunteers at a health clinic in the neighboring village where she is a nursing student. She tests for malaria, works with infants, and joins her fellow staff in dancing and singing with the women who visit the clinic. She aspires to become a full-time nurse so she can treat and cure people. Today, she leads by example and with ambition.

Isatu

international womens day, care.org

When Isatu was three months pregnant, her husband left her, seeking his fortune in the gold mines. Now Isatu makes her own way, buying and selling food to support her four children. It is a struggle, but Isatu is determined to be a part of her community and a provider for her kids. A single mother of four is nothing if not a leader.

Zainab

international womens day, care.org

Zainab is the Nurse in Charge at the Maternal Child Health Outpost in her community. She is the only nurse in the surrounding area, and so she is responsible for the pre-natal health of the community’s mothers-to-be and for the safe delivery of their babies. In a country with one of the world’s worst maternal death rates, Zainab has not lost a single mother. The community rallies around Zainab and the work she does. She describes the women who visit the clinic as sisters. That feeling is clearly mutual.

Adama

international womens day, care.org

Adama is something few women are - a kehkeh driver. A kehkeh is a three-wheeled motorcycle taxi, known elsewhere as a tuktuk. Working in the Kissy neighborhood of Freetown, Adama is the primary breadwinner for her family, including her son. She keeps her riders safe in other ways, too, by selling condoms. With HIV threatening to increase its spread, this is a vital service to the community.

Ya Yaebo

international womens day, care.org

“Ya” is a term of respect for older, accomplished women. Ya Yaebo has earned that title as head of her local farmers group. But there is much more than that. She started as a Village Savings and Loan Association member and began putting money into her business. There is the groundnut farm, her team buys and sells rice, and own their own oil processing machine. They even supply seeds to the Ministry of Agriculture. She has used her success to the benefit of people in need in her community and is a vocal advocate for educating girls, not having gone beyond grade seven herself.

On Monday, March 4, CARE will host an exhibition of photography in New York City featuring these portraits, kicking off the multi-day “She Leads the World Campaign.

Learn more, view the portraits, and join CARE’s International Women's Day "She Leads the World" celebration at CARE.org/sheleads.


Health

Over or under? Surprisingly, there actually is a 'correct' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

Let's settle this silly-but-surprisingly-heated debate once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?



Upworthy book

Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from the democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets.

But perhaps the most silly-yet-surprisingly-heated household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.

The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. There is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper, according to health experts as well as the man who invented the toilet paper roll in the first place.

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

A recently-deceased mom became a celebrity after her kids' published stunningly clever obituary

“I finally have the smoking hot body I have always wanted… having been cremated.”

The Hamilton Spectator

RIP Sybil Marie Hicks

It's said that everyone dies twice. The first is your physical death, the second is the last time anyone utters your name.

Sybil Marie Hicks, from Baysville, Ontario, died on February 2, at the age of 81, but it'll be a long time before her name is forgotten. Her children have turned her into a posthumous celebrity after writing a hilarious first-person obituary for her that was published in The Hamilton Spectator on February 5, 2019.

According to her daughter, it was fitting tribute.

Keep ReadingShow less

Brielle Asero lost her job after 2 months.

TikTokker Brielle Asero, 21, a recent college graduate, went viral on TikTok in October for her emotional reaction to the first day at a 9-to-5 job. The video, which received 3.4 million views, captured the public’s attention because it was like a cultural Rorschach test.

Some who saw the video thought that Asero came off as entitled and exemplified the younger generation’s lack of work ethic. In contrast, others sympathized with the young woman who is just beginning to understand how hard it is to find work-life balance in modern-day America.

“I’m so upset,” she says in the video. "I get on the train at 7:30 a.m., and I don't get home until 6:15 p.m. [at the] earliest. I don't have time to do anything!" Asero said in a video.

Keep ReadingShow less

Gordon Ramsay at play... work.


Gordon Ramsay is not exactly known for being nice.

Or patient.

Or nurturing.

On his competition show "Hell's Kitchen," he belittles cooks who can't keep up. If people come to him with their problems, he berates them. If someone is struggling to get something right in the kitchen, he curses them out.

Keep ReadingShow less
Family

I told a kid a riddle my dad told me when I was 7. His answer proves how far we've come.

This classic riddle takes on new meaning as our world changes for the better.




When I was 7, my dad told me a riddle.

"A man and his son are driving in their car when they are hit by a tractor-trailer.

Photo via iStock.

(We were driving at the time, so of course this was the riddle he decided to tell.)

The father dies instantly.

The son is badly injured. Paramedics rush him to the hospital.

Photo via iStock.

As he is being wheeled into the operating room, the surgeon takes one look the boy and says:

'I can't operate on him. He's my son.'

How is that possible?!"

Without missing a beat, I answered:

Keep ReadingShow less

Know the signs of a domestic abuser.

Most abusers don't start their relationships by hitting their partners. That's why early warning signs are vital to recognize.

I know two women who recently left abusive partners. Both men seemed sweet and likable—even gentle—each time I saw them. Both had some lovely qualities as people and even as partners. And both turned out to be controlling, increasingly abusive partners behind closed doors.


Keep ReadingShow less