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upworthy

Mark Shrayber

Health

How to be an ally to someone dealing with PTSD

An estimated 8 percent of the population will experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in their lifetime.

Helping those affected by PTSD.

Up to 8% of the American population will experience post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in their lifetime, according to the National Center for PTSD.

As much as people might not want to discuss it, traumatic experiences are not rare. In fact, recent data suggests that 60% of men and 50% of women will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime.


For a long time, it was believed that only those who had served in the military could develop PTSD, but that's simply not true.

The reality is that, while it may be more prevalent among certain groups,PTSD can affect anyone who's experienced a traumatic event. It's important to be able to speak about it clearly and openly, without fear or condemnation, in order to promote understanding and healing.

Virtual Reality, therapy, reliving trauma

Cognitive behavioral therapy is one piece of the puzzle.

Photo by Lucrezia Carnelos on Unsplash

Today, more treatments exist for PTSD than ever before.

The medical and psychological communities are finding new and effective ways of treating the disorder. For example, therapies involving virtual reality and paintball have shown to be promising in treating veterans. Both are methods where an individual is exposed to the triggers of their symptoms in a safe and controllable way.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (where one learns to think more realistically and logically) and eye movement desensitization reprocessing (in which an individual relives the traumatic experience in small doses and while remaining firmly in reality) can also be effective in treating the disorder. But therapy, no matter how effective, is only one piece of the puzzle.

Helping those with PTSD must also include compassion. Here's how to be an ally.

It's likely that you know someone who's experienced PTSD. It's also likely that you didn't know how to think or react to the disorder.

Confusion (and even judgment) are normal responses. After all, most of us aren't trained therapists. But you don't have to be a mental health professional to help a friend or loved one who's experiencing PTSD.

There's no one right thing to say to someone who's experiencing the disorder. The best thing you can do is just be there. While it may seem helpful to offer wisdom or offer suggestions for how your loved ones can "move on" or "get over it," that's actually counter-intuitive.

Friendship, respecting boundaries, PTSD

Helpful therapy is important.

Photo by Omar Lopez on Unsplash

Those living with PTSD are already under a great deal of pressure. Suggesting therapy is helpful, but trying to make your loved one see "the good side of things" or "remember that this is all part of a bigger plan" is likely to create even more guilt and stress rather than prompt action. PTSD is painful and it's serious, but it's never a sign of weakness.

Respecting boundaries is also important. It's up to the individual when they choose to talk about their trauma. Nobody should force it or take it personally if they don't.

Show up, listen, care. These things are enough. More importantly, they're important steps toward ending stigma and helping our loved ones heal.

This article originally appeared on 06.27.18

Image by Gate Skidmore/Wikemedia Commons.

Lin-Manuel Miranda at the San Diego Comic Con, 2019.

Lin-Manuel Miranda is a ray of light in a world that can sometimes (OK, often) feel like it's shrouded in darkness.

The award-winning multi-hyphenate — He sings! He acts! He writes! He directs! He inspires you to do better while reminding you that you're good enough! — is always there to wish you a good morning and a good night.


Miranda uses his tweets to share inspiration, kindness, and encouragement to the masses.

If you haven't heard of the person, let me introduce you to some good vibes and positive mojo.

It's nice to wake up to a message designed to help you feel better. He encourages us to put aside those unproductive thoughts and get into a good day.

Having a restless night? Miranda will inspire you to dream big as you sleep — and then turn those dreams into reality upon waking.

He always wants you to be yourself.

And to be kind to yourself.

He helps us remember to recognize that anxiety, sadness, and difficult feelings are normal and valid.

He reminds us to work hard, never give up, and recognize how far we've come.

He knows the value of taking a break to enjoy life ...

... investing time in others ...

... and supporting causes that matter.

He recognizes that life can be fleeting ...

... and that the world is full of possibilities!

Remember that no matter how it feels, you're never ever alone.

You are loved. You matter.

You know what? Sometime you just need to hear that.

And if you need to hear it on a daily basis (probably! I do!), you're going to want to follow Lin-Manuel Miranda on Twitter. It'll make your morning, post-lunch slump, and night.

This article originally appeared on 06.08.18

Health

Beloved gamer icon has perfect analogy explaining why people stay in abusive relationships

When people learn of an abusive relationship, the common question that surfaces is "If it was so bad, why didn't you just leave?"

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Cosplay star Chloe Dykstra says she endured 'long-term abuse' from ex-boyfriend

Chloe Dykstra has spoken out about the painful reality of being in an abusive relationship.

In a post on Medium in June 2018, beloved gamer, actress, model, and cosplayer Dykstra wrote about the harrowing experience of being in a long-term abusive relationship.



"One day, I met someone at a convention and ended up falling for a man almost 20 years my senior," Dykstra wrote. "It wasn't the first time I'd found myself in a relationship with an older man; I've always joked about my daddy issues, and thought that with age came stability and wisdom. Welp."

From there, Dykstra details the horrors of that relationship. Within the first two weeks, she was isolated from her friends, given a curfew, and told not to speak in public.

Quickly, the relationship turned into one of fear — "I was terrified to piss him off — so I did what he said," she wrote — and then became assaultive. Dykstra revealed she developed an eating disorder. Then, when she suffered an ectopic pregnancy and either had to have surgery or risk death, she said her fear of having to tell her partner she was pregnant was stronger than her fear of death.

domestic abuse, celebrity, allegations, shockingCosplay star Chloe Dykstra says she endured 'long-term abuse' from ex-boyfriend

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Dykstra is shining an important light on why people stay in abusive relationships.

When people learn of an abusive relationship, the common question that surfaces is "If it was so bad, why didn't you just leave?" The answer to this question is complex in general and often has nothing to do with a person's strength. Often, it doesn't even seem like there's a choice.

Dykstra's answer to this question paints a painful picture of why escaping an abusive relationship can feel impossible:

"I believed that, to borrow an analogy from a friend, if I kept digging I would find water. And sometimes I did. Just enough to sustain me. And when you're dying of thirst, that water is the best water you'll ever drink. When you're alienated from your friends, there's no one to tell you that there's a drinking fountain 20 feet away. And when your self-worth reaches such depths after years of being treated like you're worthless, you might find you think you deserve that sort of treatment, and no one else will love you."

Her story has clearly resonated with people far and wide.

Dykstra's main goals were to create closure and warn others about how surprisingly common abuse can be. According to The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, more than 10 million people are abused by an intimate partner annually. On an average day, approximately 20,000 calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines.

The stigma of being trapped in an abusive relationship is slowly disappearing. The overwhelming support Dykstra has been shown is a sign that progress is moving in the right direction — but there's so much work yet to to be done.

You can reach the NCADV in the link below:

domestic violence, NCADV, public coalition, survivors, victimsNCADV | National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

ncadv.org

NCADV is the voice of victims and survivors. We are the catalyst for changing society to have zero tolerance for domestic violence. We do this by affecting public policy, increasing understanding of the impact of domestic violence, and providing programs and education that drive that change.

This article originally appeared on 06.15.18

Joy

Watch the heartwarming moment two BFFs who had only ever FaceTimed finally meet each other

"You ever see a hug that long? I gotta take off early and go sit in a park and contemplate life or something."

Never miss out on a pinky swear :)

Goodness, have our views on the internet changed!

When I first got dial-up, I was 14, it was 1998, and AOL was all about taking over the world (if not with connectivity then at least with the 700 CDs they sent to your house each month). My parents had two rules: Don't tie up the phone lines (broken immediately), and never meet someone from online that you don't already know.

Years later, as an adult with a cable modem, their advice seems pretty dated. In fact, society's gone from never meeting strangers online to doing all our dating on Tinder and asking people we've never known to give us rides from one place to another. Our only requirements? That they be nearby and have at least a 4.7 driver rating. (This is only for adults, though! Don't let your kids meet strangers from Minecraft!)


Friendships have changed as well.

For years, everyone debated whether the people you talk to online — in chat, in games, on Skype — were actual friends or just people behind a computer screen. Now, some of our best pals are those we know from online, proving that humans can connect across states, countries, and oceans.

Want more (very adorable) proof? Here's a video of two lifelong friends who are meeting in person for the first time.

This story, which started on Reddit and has now gone viral nearly everywhere, goes something like this: Reddit user Core330 (Corey Walker) and his best friend live hours and hours away from each other. So they Skype. And since they both have daughters, they've introduced the kids — Kylie and Jalyssa — via internet as well. The result? A four-year friendship that's been screen-only.

Then something amazing happened. After years of trying to make a real-life meeting happen, Walker and Jalyssa drove down to meet Kylie for her birthday. The twist? Neither Jalyssa nor Kylie knew it was happening. What followed was an adorable surprise that — well, just have some tissues handy.

Look what happened:

Just kidding: Here's the real, heart-warming video. Note how it starts with the most important question: "Are you real?" (Always ask that! You never know when it's just a lizard person trying to fool you into a state of false security!)

You ever see a hug that long? I gotta take off early and go sit in a park and contemplate life or something."

Kylie and Jalyssa got to spend the night together, and it appears that their friendship has only grown stronger. They found (nice, friendly, platonic) love in an online place, and it seems like the recipe for a lifelong friendship. They even wore matching pajamas!

Never underestimate the power of friendship.

Of course, the internet loves Kylie and Jalyssa. They've made it onto "Today" and both regular folks and luminaries have been loving it (Marc. A Cherry said it was the best thing any of us would see today). One Reddit user even talked about how they'd been questioning how hard their life had been before they saw the video. Watching two little girls have their dreams come true, though? It made it all worth it. "I needed this," the user wrote. Didn't we all?

In the spirit of this adorable video, maybe take a second to reach out to a friend you haven't talked to in a while today. Or call up someone who you love. After all, if there's anything these best friends should inspire, it's a reminder to tell the people in your life how wonderful and important they are. Now if you'll excuse me, I have something in my eye. (It's tears, OK? It's tears.)

This article originally appeared on 04.30.18