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Flight attendant tired of seeing moms do all the work on flights asks dads to do better

"You do not have to do all the work. I hate to see it."

via Rahul Singh/Pexels and Electrosolar/Flickr

A flight attendant helping a mother and baby.

There is a significant trend happening right now on social media where women are calling out men for using “weaponized incompetence” as a way to avoid taking responsibility for their families.

Weaponized incompetence is when someone pretends they can't do a task correctly, so someone else ends up doing it instead. In families, this can create an unfair workload and reinforce traditional gender roles, leaving one person with more responsibility than they should have.

Obviously, there are many men out there who are pulling their own weight in their families, but those who live in the past and have no problem having their wives take on unnecessary burdens deserve to be called out.

Recently, a flight attendant on Reddit pointed out the unfair distribution of labor she sees when families take summer vacations. According to Yunghazel, she sees women doing all of the work with children on planes while the dads relax and enjoy the flight.

Some fathers even stay in first class while mom and the kids sit in coach.

“I am sick and tired of seeing the women doing all the work when she travels with her family,” she writes. “She is the one with the boarding passes, knows the seats, wrangles the children, and sits with them. Meanwhile, the husband/dad is sitting in a different row, kid-free, having the time of his life watching a movie.”

“The mom is taking care of the kids, has activities, snacks and does bathroom trips,” she continues. “Oh, and don’t even get me started on the ones who sit in First Class and leave their family in the back.”

She added that when she sees a father allowing his wife to relax on a flight, she will point it out. “I actually complimented one father who was amazing with his 3 kids and the mom was able to relax with a drink and assist as needed,” she wrote. “He was shocked when I told him it was a rare case and lovely to see. He said, ‘I’m just being a dad.’”

She finished the post by asking women to demand to be treated as equals when flying with their families. “Ladies, I am begging you. If you are going on a family vacation this summer, set some travel expectations on how you can tackle the plane ride with your partner so it’s an enjoyable experience. You do not have to do all the work. I hate to see it,” she concluded her post.

The post resonated with many women whose husbands who didn’t pull their own weight on trips.

“I hated trips when I was married and had young kids for this very reason. It was vacation for everyone but me. I spent the entire time minding kids, managing everything, making sure things were figured out, managing a man-baby's emotions and being denied enough sleep to function,” whoinvitedthesepeopl wrote.

“I had a mini meltdown a few years ago because my husband checked us in and sat both kids with me and himself in the aisle seat across,” Treelakerockcloud added. “So while he would be close the bulk of the plane parenting would fall on me. He said that’s because we ‘always did it this way.’”

Many gendered double standards are so deeply ingrained into American society that we have a difficult time noticing them, whether we’re the man hiding behind weaponized incompetence or the woman behaving as mothers have traditionally.

Only when people speak up and point out these forms of inequality will we begin to see some change. That’s why posts like Yunghazel’s are important. Sometimes, someone must point out the obvious to start a conversation that we’ve been waiting too long to have.

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Woman goes off on why nerdy men make the 'best husbands' and other women agree

"If he owns a light saber—green flag."

Canva, @theisabelbrown/TikTok

Get yourself a nerd!

Historically, guys with a passion for comic books, Star Wars, or anything else that might have a fandom, haven’t exactly been the poster boys for the ideal love interest. But nowadays, it looks like nerds really do get revenge.

Because apparently, everything that makes a great nerd, also happened to make a great husband. At least, according to thousands of women on social media.

Married podcaster Isabel Brown recently went viral on TikTok for attesting that “nerds make the best husbands,” and that society just gives them a bad rep.

Brown made her appeal as part of a stitch with another woman asking how to find a man that are thoughtful, attentive, good fathers, and know how to “spoil” their wives.

Brown’s response? “They’re nerds.”

“It honestly blows my mind how we have this entire trope in American literature and movies and TV shows about the nerdy girl who gets the glow up when she grows up,” ranted Brown of the common theme features in famed rom-com classics like “She’s All That” and “Never Been Kissed, but we don’t say that for men!” Brown says in her video.

In her opinion, we should be taking those nerdy traits as “green flags.”

“Hear me loud and clear, if he owns a lightsaber — green flag,” says Brown. “If he has purchased a wand from the wizarding world of Harry Potter — greenest possible flag. If he has an unhealthy obsession with Ashoka Tano, you better run to the altar.”

Brown even allots “bonus points” to a guy obsessed with monopoly.

@theisabelbrown

Nerds make the best husbands. It’s a fact.

♬ original sound - Isabel Brown

But why does she think these traits translate into being good husbands? Because from her perspective, it means these men will appreciate their partner’s inner drives more, and understand heartfelt passions.

“Those little underestimated nerd boys grow up to be men who see what’s on here,” she says, while placing a hand on her heart.

Brown clearly wasn’t alone in her opinion. Several married women who had nerdy husbands of their own chimed in to agree.

“Mine has a LOTR sword and I knew he was the one after that,” wrote fellow TikTok creator Elyse Myers.

Another woman commented “I married the anime loving, nerdy gamer boy. Wouldn’t change it for the world.”

One even created her own stitch video showing snapshots of her husband as a kid (read: nerdy kid) and adult while singing his praises.

“She’s right. It’s the nerds…[My husband] is amazing. He’s sweet, kind, loving and an amazing father. It’s the nerds,” she insisted.

According to a male relationship influencer who goes by @urdivorcesurvivalguide, it’s being chronic outsiders that make nerdy men good partners.

@urdivorcesurvivalguide #stitch with @Isabel Brown ♬ original sound - UrDivorceSurvivalGuide

“Watching those beautiful girls [they’ve] always been attracted to” receive less-than-stellar treatment from other guys that are typically seen as more attractive provides a curriculum for “what not to do [in relationships],” he says.

According to some, however, this isn’t a foolproof dating plan.

As self-described nerd Justin explains, if a woman simply dates a nerdy man in hopes that it will make him a more loyal and dedicated partner, but doesn’t have any nerdy qualities herself and isn’t “willing to become part of that culture in some way,” then they won’t actually be able to build anything meaningful.

@ramblinglifter #stitch with @Isabel Brown ♬ original sound - Justin

While it’s true that shared interests can create deep bonds, many experts agree that it isn’t vital to having a fulfilling relationship. In fact, having a partner with opposite interests can help us grow into more well rounded individuals. What really matters in the long run is having similar values and ethics.

Still, to Justin’s point, it probably isn’t best to date someone simply for what they can do for you. You need to actually appreciate who they are.

All this to say—aside from general personal improvement, it probably isn’t necessary for you to change key aspects of who you are in order to become more desirable by potential partners. What really matters is being authentic and actually being ready to be a partner.

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Husband brilliantly sneaks his dog into the hospital to say goodbye to his wife

A sweet story and and amazing gesture.

Anyone who owns a dog can attest to the amazing comfort they provide during times of stress or discomfort. Research shows that dogs have a biological effect on us that elevates our levels of oxytocin, which is known as the “love hormone."

Unfortunately, most of the time, dogs aren't allowed in the place where people need comfort the most: hospitals. Even though evidence suggests that that visiting with a pet while hospitalized improves a patient's mood while reducing their anxiety.

A story shared by Reddit user Mellifluous_Username on the online forum went viral because of the lengths he and his dog went to to visit his sick wife.

For brevity's sake, we'll refer to Mellifluous_Username as "Mel."

“My wife was in the hospital after a very invasive surgery, which after a few days, looked like it did not produce ideal results," Mel wrote. "The prognosis was not good. She was able to speak, but was not eating or drinking, and relied completely on her IV and hard pain pills. In one rare instance of cogent speech, she convinced me to sneak our dog into her private room, so she could see her 'one more time.'"

Mel decided he could sneak their 50-pound Austrian Shepherd into her hospital room by hiding it in a suitcase.

“I packed her in, with the lid unzipped, and placed her in the car until we arrived at the hospital," Mel wrote. “When we arrived, I 'explained' to her that I would open the zipper in a few minutes and that she could see her Mommy."

As they slipped their way through the s hospital wings, the dog was quiet as a cat burglar. When asked about the suitcase, Mel told the nurses that he was bringing “items to make my wife more comfortable."

“When we entered the room, my wife was asleep," Mel wrote. “I unzipped the suitcase, and the dog immediately jumped on the bed, and gingerly laid across her chest, somehow avoiding the wires and IV. She positioned herself to where she could look directly into my wife's eyes, and laid completely still, until about twenty minutes later, when my wife woke up, and started moaning in pain."

“The dog immediately started licking her, and quietly moaned, as if knowing that barking would definitely blow our cover," Mel wrote.

“My wife hugged her for almost an hour, smiling the whole time," he continued. "We were busted by one nurse who was so touched that she promised not to tell. When my wife finally went back to sleep, I loaded the dog back in the suitcase, and she somewhat sheepishly obliged."

Mel's wife passed away a few days later, but his dog has yet to learn the sad truth. “Now, whenever I grab the suitcase, the dog thinks we are doing to see her again," he wrote.

This article originally appeared on 02.07.19

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5 important things men can learn from Jack of 'This Is Us.'

It's the story of "the big three," a set of triplets (a biological brother and sister, and their adopted brother), and the two parents, Jack and Rebecca, who shaped their adult lives.

"This Is Us" is the shamefully, unapologetically tear-jerking NBC hit that has millions tuning in every week to ugly-cry together, and it just wrapped its first season.

The show isn't always perfect, but is thoughtful in its portrayal of characters we're not used to seeing — maybe none more so than Jack Pearson, the dutiful and selfless dad of the family.

Milo Ventimiglia plays Jack. Photo by NBCUniversal Media, LLC.

"This Is Us" — though good at sprinkling in humor here and there — is not a comedy. Jack is not obligated to be funny, which likely is part of the reason he's been spared from becoming the buffoonish dad we're used to seeing in TV and movies.

It's not just that (and the fact his mustache/beard are #goals) that makes Jack such a compelling character. There are (at least) five things that make Jack a pretty damn good model of masculinity in an age where being a blustering, blathering "alpha male" can get you pretty far.

By the way, no spoilers for the season finale here. (But if you don't already know that Jack does not live to grow old with Rebecca, where have you even been for the last three months?)

1. He doesn't apologize for showing a full range of human emotions.

When we first meet Jack in the series' pilot episode, he is a man in total control. When he and a pregnant Rebecca arrive at the hospital, the babies on their way, the doctor warns them the risks during delivery will be high.

"We're walking out of this hospital with three healthy babies and a healthy wife," Jack reassures the doctor while also supporting Rebecca during contractions.

Unfortunately, the third baby, a little boy, is stillborn. When Jack gets the news, he breaks down in tears in the waiting room, before ultimately deciding to bring home Randall, an abandoned baby being treated at the same hospital.

It's not the last time we see Jack's emotional vulnerability. Because, you know what? It's OK for dudes to cry.

2. He's fiercely loyal to his family.

Yes, Jack is the main breadwinner for the family, but it's not what makes him a man. It's dedication that goes far beyond just working long hours.

For example, there’s a secretary at work constantly batting her eyes at him, and in one episode, she finally makes a move. He turns her down with ease, and frankly, the show doesn't make a big deal of it. Jack doesn’t get any hero points for remaining faithful, as he shouldn’t. Jack proves real men can be complex beings with morals and values that aren't based around sex.

It also becomes clear later in the series Jack was the one who pushed for marriage and children with Rebecca, a nice change of pace from the commitment-allergic men we're used to seeing on TV.

"To me, you are every part my son." GIF from "This Is Us"/YouTube.

3. He's a great, great, great dad.

A lot of TV dads love their kids and will show it through goofy hijinks, roughhousing, or gruffly bonding over sports. But not Jack. He handles the tough stuff too.

Like who could forget the time he stayed up all night sewing Madonna gloves for his daughter's birthday party and, when things didn't go as planned, tried to cheer her up by asking her to teach him how to "vogue"?

In one of his best moments, though, Jack realizes he as a white man can't be the only role model in his black son's life, so he takes him to an all-black karate class where he can learn how to face the difficulties that come with being a man of color.

4. He's a true romantic.

TV and movies are rife with dunderheaded men forgetting birthdays and anniversaries, scrambling around to cover their tracks with thoughtless, last-minute gestures. Not Jack. In one episode, he rents his and Rebecca's now-vacant first apartment for a night, fills it with candles and champagne, and challenges the both of them to never forget the things they love about each other.

He constantly finds time and energy to make his wife (and his kids, for that matter) feel special, loved, and appreciated.

Doesn't get much more manly than that.

"Rebecca, you have changed the way I think about love." GIF from "This Is Us"/YouTube

5. Despite all of these things, Jack is a flawed man.

Throughout much of the series, Jack seems perfect. Rebecca even describes him as a "superhero" more than once.

But Jack battles with a drinking problem. Later, he has trouble reigning in his jealousy of another man in Rebecca's life. He occasionally crumbles under the weight of being the family’s rock.

Through it all, Jack needs his wife, and he knows it. In these moments, it's Rebecca who picks him up and helps him be a better man.

Because no matter how "manly" you are, no one can do it all alone.

"From now on, I'm going to be an 11 [out of 10] for you, baby." GIF from "This Is Us"/YouTube.

We know Jack dies before his kids are grown, but with the show's jump-around timeline, let's hope he shows up plenty in season two.

After all, he still has a lot more to teach us dudes about what it really means to be a man.

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