'Marriage: A Story of Love in 28 Parts' has long-time couples rolling
As someone who's been married to the same human for 22 years, I can say with confidence that a big key to marital bliss is to come at it with a sense of humor. Living with and loving someone for life (hopefully) is a shared journey with ups and downs and unexpected detours. The story of that journey is filled with big life events and mundane daily details, and with moments both precious and perturbing.
If you've been married a while, this collection of funny tweets about marriage will hit home. Shared by Joshua Johnson on Facebook, this "Marriage: A Story of Love in 28 Parts" compilation includes universal sentiments, classic spouse conundrums, and pandemic-specific realities for people in long-term love
Here they are, linked to the original tweets so you can follow the creators if you wish, and written out in text for our friends with audio aids. Grab your partner and have a good chuckle at your own expense:
"DATING: can't wait to see you again
MARRIAGE: part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night"
(BTW, you also pulled the covers off me every time you rolled over. Thanks for that. Love you.)
"Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach, is not." –@maryfairybobrry
(Have done this. Can attest it's a mistake.)
"My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it's called "Why Are You Doing It That Way?" and there are no winners" –@ericspiegelman
(Pandemic togetherness is so fun, isn't it?)
"Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing because that's the soundtrack to the rest of your life." –@LizerReal
(This is legit advice, young people.)
"There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other." –@dadmann_walking
(And the early packer spends six days panicked over the last-minute packer not being packed. Ain't love grand?)
"Marriage is having separate tubes of toothpaste because your spouse squeezes it wrong" –@mom_tho
(Always from the bottom, rolling as you go. This is the way.)
"I told my husband I wanted to buy an expensive blender, he said we don't need an expensive blender. Long story short, how long should I wait before I tell him it arrives tomorrow?" –@3sunzzz
(Pssst. Don't tell him at all. He might not even notice.)
"Wife: You're doing it wrong.
Me: What?
Wife: *motions vaguely in the direction of my entire life*"
(Ouch.)
"My wife said she'd buy her own birthday cake this is a test right" –@DadBroDad1
(Yes. Yes it is.)
"Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I can't listen to your problems right now." –@thearibradford
(This is just psychopathic behavior, honestly.)
"In 34 years on this planet I've learned one very important lesson that I'm going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You cannot eat her fries." –@CrockettForReal
(It's funny because it's true.)
"-commercial break-
Husband: *silent*
-fight scene-
Husband: *completely and utterly silent*
-quiet dialogue scene-
Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets"
(SHUSSSHHHH.)
"Me:
My wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me: (stands up)
Wife: While you're up...."
(This one hits a little too close to home. I LIKE SITTING, OKAY?)
"My wife and I are both working from home.
She microwaved fish.
Time to alert HR."
(Or a divorce lawyer. Honestly, woman.)
"Me, giving my husband's eulogy: It's so hard
Husband, from coffin: ᵀʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ˢʰᵉ ˢᵃᶦᵈ."
(Even when he's stiff. That's what she said.)
"I miss how my wife would say "he's a rescue" whenever I misbehaved at parties." –@SladeWentworth
(The pandemic has ruined everything.)
"This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize I'm not out of his league." –@RachelNoise
(Seriously. COVID ruins every darn thing.)
"MIL: You have to teach them really young to pick up after themselves
Me: *watching my husband take off his socks and leave them in the middle of the living room*"
(Ahem. Thanks for the advice, "mom.")
"I have a cold and it's pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that's way worse." –@simoncholland
(I believe the Latin term for this is spousus patheticus.)
"[my husband has the man flu. After 3 days]:M: will you please just take medicine??
H: *pouts* fine, what flavor is it??
M: what flav...it's ADULT FLAVORED!"
–@jaxwax04
(Case in point.)
"Welcome to marriage. Here's the new way you fold towels." –@HenpeckedHal
(And you're pretty much guaranteed to never do it quite right, so don't bother trying.)
"Made it to that level of marriage where you get in trouble for being able to fall asleep so fast." –@simoncholland
(Oh, but wait until you find out what you did to piss her off in her dream...)
"My husband: We were way over on groceries last month.
Me: How did THAT happen?
Him: Well we spent like $100 on ice cream sandwiches...
Me: ...
Him: ...babe, that's bad.
Me: I HATE THIS PLACE IT SUCKS HERE"
(Seriously. I'm a grownup, I do what I want.)
"My wife managed to open a jar of pickles herself and I am now nonessential." –thedadvocate01
(It's okay. If you keep on taking out the garbage that she could take out herself, she'll probably keep you around.)
"Husband, "I'm going to the store, do you need anything?"
Me, "A bottle of champagne."
Husband, "Oh, I got you one yesterday.
"Me, "I said what I said.""
(And I meant what I meant.)
"My wife asked me if she had any 'annoying' habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation." –@BattyMclain
(Hey now. Two can play at this game, buddy.)
"Husband: Does it bother you when I —
Me: Yes."
(Ouch again.)
"Wife: Are you just going to walk around all day without a shirt on?
Me: Just giving you a show.
Wife: Can I change the channel?"
(And they lived happily ever after.)
If I've learned anything in two decades of marriage, it's that there are few things a good belly laugh together can't fix. Here's to taking care of one another and finding the humor in marital bliss.
- Husband-wife pastor team built a network of support across Houston ... ›
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- Woman impersonates her husband who wants praise for doing what he's supposed to do - Upworthy ›
- 15 tweets you'll love if you're married - Upworthy ›
- Mom rips into husbands who expect their wives to do housework in crazy viral Facebook post. - Upworthy ›
- Woman pleads for men to start doing their chores - Upworthy ›
- Man shares the premarital counseling he wishes he'd had - Upworthy ›
- Man has the best reaction to wife trying on a wig after chemo - Upworthy ›
- Mom's '50 Christmases' rule can help you choose the best life partner - Upworthy ›
The Frenchman's monologue was absolutely spot on 
A court reporter taking notes.via
Depiction of Jesus Christ in Heaven.via
A photo of Santa Claus.via
A man sweating in his car.via
Many people—including 
If not for that darn silver....
Sadly, Lake Tahoe's proposals were overruled. 
National parks are the ultimate tourism magnets. 
Entire economies depend on a local national park. 
Dinosaur National Monument looks like a national park, but is it?
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."
This article originally appeared in May.