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Single guy asks married men their biggest marriage regrets and they delivered

"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her."

Photo credit: Canva

Man asks married men their biggest marriage regret, they deliver.

Marriage is a big step in a relationship. It's something that people think about from the time they can grasp the concept of relationships. When you factor that in with the high divorce rate, it makes sense that people want to ensure they're getting it right before taking the leap.

Typically, people ask their close inner circle for relationship advice. Leaning on people like their parents, siblings or friends who have been married to fill in the gaps of knowledge. However, with the world becoming smaller than ever due to social media, it takes little effort to gather collective knowledge from thousands of people within your target audience.

Surprisingly, people are pretty forthcoming to strangers on the internet looking for support and help. One man who goes by the name King Boiza decided to ask his internet advisors, "Married men, what is your greatest regret about marriage? Advise the single boys. It could be about anything." The married men didn't hesitate to answer the call in the most genuinely wholesome way.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, married couple, married man, marriageA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

Gleaning collective wisdom from those more experienced than you is a common practice, but being able to do it in such a significant way is relatively new. Different life experiences lead to different perspectives that can be invaluable to someone still learning.

The advice provided ranged from warnings to what could be seen as universal truths about marriage.

"Your wife becomes the words you speak upon her, I regret not speaking life and good upon her," one man shares.

"In times of trouble, remember...It's not you against her but the both of you, against the problem...," someone writes.

"Listen when she speaks from the heart, once she feels unheard, she will be closed off for a long time if not forever," another advises.

"Not all women age gracefully with all their good looks and physique. Marry her for more reasons beyond her body and beauty. Seek a FOREVER," one commenter says.

"The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. NEVER," a man wrote.

"Don’t let the family you come from destroy the family you create," a commenter added.

"Be the partner you're looking for!" a man wrote.

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together," a married man wrote.

"Remember that you are not married to your idea of your wife but to who your wife is. Love her for who is she is not who you want her to be," one man commented.

"No regrets, just advice I’ve adhered to for 15+years of marriage. Lead by example. Create the emotional space for her that you want mirrored. Set boundaries and always keep your word above all else!" a commenter wrote.

"Sometimes all you have to do is listen to her," a man wrote.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, wedding, pastor, reverend, marriage vowsA couple getting married.via Canva/Photos

Forbes reports that 43% of first marriages end in divorce with the number significantly increasing with each subsequent marriage. Finding out the regrets, struggles and triumphs of other marriages may help others feel more prepared to commit to marriage with a bit of a roadmap laid in front of them.

It's clear from the comments under the post that marriage takes work and while some of the men admittedly misstepped, they seem eager to share with others so they avoid the same mistakes.

"My biggest regret in marriage was to cheat, and I'm telling you...my wife was never the same...so my advice is never cheat, never ever," one guy confesses.


divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, marriage advice, single men, marriage questionsKingboiza asks men about marriage.www.tiktok.com


"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her. You won't regret it and she'll know that you really see her," one man shares.

But it wasn't only men who dropped by the comment section. Women stopped to share their appreciation for the wisdom being left for all to see.

"After reading this comment section, my faith in the institution of marriage is restored. Relationships are not perfect, but we gotta try with people who want to try," one woman writes.

"I don't know why I'm crying...I guess I never knew men like these existed...Your wives must be blessed," another woman shares.

If you need a dose of healthy masculinity and wholesome advice for lasting partnerships, look no further than that comment section. They're saving some future couple from heartache by simply showing up to answer a stranger's question on the internet.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Joy

How the 'magic' 5:1 ratio can be the key to marital bliss

It was developed by famed psychologist Dr. John Gottman.

via Canva/Photos

A happily married couple.

Have you ever wondered whether you fight too much or are snippy too often with your significant other? Conflict is normal in long-term relationships, but when do too many negative interactions become harmful?

The interesting (and helpful) thing is that a ratio reveals the number of negative versus positive interactions one should have with one's spouse. The ratio was created by Dr. John Gottman, who known for conducting studies in which he and his team could predict whether a couple would get divorced with 94% accuracy.

What is the 5:1 ratio for relationships?

Gottman says that in healthy couples, there should be, at minimum, 5 positive interactions for every negative one. "The difference between happy and unhappy couples is the balance between positive and negative interactions during conflict,” Gottman said. “There is a very specific ratio that makes love last. That ‘magic ratio’ is 5 to 1. This means that for every negative interaction during conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions."

The underlying message is that unhappy couples tend to engage in fewer positive interactions and if their positive-to-negative ratio drops to 1-to-1 or less, they may be headed for divorce.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of negative interactions with your spouse?

  • Invalidating them
  • Not doing a task you told your partner you would do
  • Failing to listen
  • Rejecting a bid for connection, such as a hug or a conversation
  • Raising your voice
  • Rolling your eyes
  • Forgetting events or milestones that are important to your partner

Gottman also stresses in his research that when couples communicate negatively using the “Four Horsemen,” the relationship may be headed for divorce. The Four Horsemen are Defensiveness, Criticism, Contempt, or Stonewalling. “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament,” Gottman’s website reads. “They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death, respectively. We use this metaphor to describe communication styles that, according to our research, can predict the end of a relationship.

The 5:1 ratio provides married people with a good baseline on what constitutes a healthy relationship and a good idea of when the relationship has become too negative. After all, none of us are perfect, and we all deserve grace. But how much is too much?

The ratio reminds us that we can all improve our relationships by striving to have more positive interactions than negative ones. Even if your ratio is high and healthy, there’s nothing wrong with trying your best to do better for your and your partner.

marriage, dr. john gottman, 5:1 ratioA happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

What are some examples of positive interactions you can have with your spouse?

  • Be affectionate
  • Show appreciation
  • Actively listen when they speak
  • Do something that relieves their stress level, whether it’s a chore or helping with the kids
  • Be thoughtful through small gestures that let you know you’re thinking of them.
  • Validate their feelings
  • Be empathetic, especially during conflict

Remember, just because you disagree with your spouse doesn’t mean it has to be a negative experience. “When the masters of marriage are talking about something important,” Dr. Gottman says, “they may be arguing, but they are also laughing and teasing and there are signs of affection because they have made emotional connections.”

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