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Man says his wife asked him to 'pick up' perfectly tidy house and asks the Internet to translate

Theories abound on what she's really asking him.

Canva Photos

A guy needed some help and advice on how to 'pick up' a clean house

One thing you learn in marriage is that different people have different definitions of "clean." To one person, clean means your home is decluttered, everything in its proper place. Others might be OK with a few neat stacks of stuff or an odd pile or two. Others aren't happy until the baseboards are wiped down and the floor's sparkling. Some people are just content if there are no roaches or rats scurrying around.

Partnership is all about navigating these different expectations and coming together to make and keep your home. But that doesn't mean it's always easy to communicate about this stuff with your partner, or to meet their expectations. Throw in the fact that men and women are socialized from birth to have completely different ideas of their role in a household, and things can get complicated fast.

One guy recently took to social media with a conundrum. His wife had asked him to clean the house while she was out, the only problem was...it was already clean.

"My wife asked me to pick up the house while she was out. [Here's] the condition of house before she left," he wrote on Reddit along with a few pictures showcasing a pretty spotless (and quite beautiful) home. Now if you're nitpicking, you could spot a few clean cups in the dish drying rack and a small pile of papers on the kitchen table. But honestly, most people would be thrilled if their house looked like this!

What do you think, can you spot the mess? The man needed the Internet's help in translating his wife's expectations.

from pics

Experienced married people didn't fall for the trap, and laid some incredible wisdom on the man that can only be gained through many years of partnership.The easy answer might be, "She's nuts, the house is already clean!" But people who have been with their partner for a long time know better.

Some theorized that the husband might have a reputation for not cleaning up after himself:

"She's asking him to not mess it up while she gone. I.e. Clean up after himself."

"maybe that was a nice way of her asking you to clean up after yourself..."

"And to also get his cup that has been sitting on that nightstand for a week. Wife doesn't want to put it in the sink because it feels disrespectful to her that he would leave it there so long when the rest of the house is clean. She's cleaned up literally all his other trash and cups, but this is THE ONE he needs to do himself. She's wondering if he even has eyes or self awareness."

They gleaned all of that from just three photos! This is what years of marital intuition can do.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWe love a guy who remembers to clean the inside of the oven.Canva Photos

Others with a keen eye were adamant that, upon closer inspection, there are tons of signs in the photos that certain people might not be pulling their weight:

"I can see that some of the fruit isn't in the fruit basket, just near it, and there is paperwork and a stapler on the table, and little things on the island. ... It seems like the wife is giving him the easiest possible clean up task. He just has to put a few items away. If he wanted, he could also wipe down the counters, vacuum, clean the dog bed, spray some air freshener and put fresh flowers out. But I'm guessing he won't even put the few items and pieces of fruit away. Clearly his wife is doing a lot to keep the place clean, but he'll act like putting a few things away isn't worth his time and leave it for her to do when she gets back."

"There's probably grit on the floors, dirt on the baseboards, stains on the carpets and upholstery, dust on every horizontal surface, window smudges, etc. so the house looks tidy, but a detail-oriented person will notice and be bothered by all those less visible things"

"I’m seeing a used paper towel roll right next to the fresh one that is also almost out. I’m guessing there are other instances of that around the house, too."

"Definitely the items on the dining table.."

"Clear all the surfaces and put away the clutter. My woman brain doesn't understand why her request was confusing."

Others insisted the request wasn't really about the current state of the house, but more a general plea to start taking some ownership.

"When my house is in this condition, and I asked the same thing of my husband, I think it’s sort of coming from a place of resentment. I’ll notice that he spends his free time doing a hobby or something for himself, whereas I feel like even all my free time is still spent keeping up with chores. My love language is acts of service, so when I come home and he has tackled a project without me asking or something like that, it means a lot that he spent his free time doing something for the betterment of the household unit."

The OP responded to this one: "So far I think your response is the most nuanced and accurate. Thanks for giving me something to consider!"

The photos serve as a fascinating Rorschach test. It's incredibly easy for some to see someone nitpicking a clean and beautiful home. It's also easy to see the usually-invisible mental load one partner carries.

men, women, marriage, relationships, household, love, family, cleaning, emotional labor, invisible load, gender rolesWiping down surfaces: Someone's gotta remember to do it.Canva Photos

No one knows the history of this guy and this couple, but there is a well-known story lurking in these photos if you're willing to interpret and read into things a little bit. It goes by many names including the Invisible Load and Emotional Labor, etc. in reference to one partner (usually the woman) being the Project Manager of the house.

Couples Therapy Inc. lists out some of the responsibilities of the house Project Manager:

  • Anticipating needs before they become problems
  • Managing social relationships and obligations
  • Coordinating schedules and appointments
  • Remembering important dates and details
  • Sacrificing personal needs for family harmony
And that also includes making sure the house is tidy and cleaned, and enlisting help in doing so by explicitly telling other people in the household exactly what needs to be done, what supplies and groceries need to be purchase, etc. As others in the thread pointed out, maybe the exhausted wife is really saying, "Dude, can you just figure it out for yourself for once?"

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Family

The 50/50 method marriage hack will help you solve your biggest fight: What's for dinner?

How much do you really want it?

via Canva/Photos

A couple debates over what to eat for dinner.

Sometimes, being married can feel like being one-half of a two-headed monster. You have to discuss and, often, debate every decision you make with the other person. This can get exhausting, especially when it involves small things such as what to eat for dinner, what color to paint the bathroom, or what movie to watch.

Oftentimes, these decisions can take forever because one person has an idea, such as, “Let’s go get Italian food tonight.” However, the other person says no without having any suggestions. This can result in a stalemate that lasts for far too long, all the while your belly begins to groan louder and louder.

What's the 50/50 method marriage hack?

Kira Kosarin, an actress and musician best known for starring in Nickelodeon’sThe Thundermans (2013-2018) and as Betsy Kelso on That ‘90s Show, has figured out a fun way to solve this marriage problem with her husband, actor-musician, Max Chester. They call it the 50/50 method.

@kirakosarin

What’s your 50?

“My husband and I have a really great method for negotiating small things, like whether we wanna go out or stay in, or what we want for dinner, in a way that doesn't get you stuck in that awful loop where it's like, well, what do you wanna do?” Kosarin opens her video. “And it basically takes that conversation, and it turns it into numbers so that you can articulate what you would want selfishly and then also find common ground and make the decision based on what you now know truly the other person wants.”

kira kosarin, kira kosarin music, guitars, thundermans actress, moroccan lounge, live musicKira Kosarin at Moroccan Lounge in August 2022.via Justin Higuchi/Wikimedia Commons

How do married people choose what to eat for dinner?

Kosarin uses the example of a conversation about where to go for dinner. “One of us will go, ‘Hey, I can’t decide. What’s your 50?’ And I’ll go, ‘I’m leaning, like, 60% Thai, 40% Indian.’ And then maybe Max will go, ‘Ooh. I’m leaning, like, 10% Thai and 90% Indian.’”

Max would win in this scenario because he passionately wants Indian food. “Because even though I want Thai a little more, I now know you want Indian a lot more,” she says.

The 50/50 method is effective because it allows people to quantify their desire. In this case, Chester made it known that he wanted Indian food instead of just kind of wanting it, as Kira did with Thai food.

couple eating dinner, wine, romantic dinner, cheers, couple drinking wine, wine glassesA couple having a romantic dinner.via Canva/Photos

Kosarin shared another scenario where the two debated how much they wanted to go out on a Saturday night. “He’ll go, ‘Well, honestly, I'm like 60 in, 40 out.’ Then I can go, ‘Hmm. I'm like 20 in, 80 out.’ He'll go, ‘Okay, you really wanna go out. I don't really mind. My percentages are pretty close. Let's go out and do what you want.’”

Ultimately, the lesson of the 50/50 method is that communication is key when it comes to having a healthy marriage. That means getting into details about how much something does or doesn’t mean to you. It’s also a lesson in compromise; if someone feels 90/10 about something, give them their way, and they’ll probably oblige when you feel as passionate on another day. Finally, the 50/50 method turns agonizing discussions into a game, and the couple that plays together, stays together.

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Health

Craig Ferguson's '3-Question Rule' saved his marriage. It can help you improve any relationship.

Say goodbye to regrets.

via Mogiczar/YouTube

Craig Ferguson explains his '3 Question Rule.'

“Three things cannot be retrieved: The arrow once sped from the bow. The word spoken in haste. The missed opportunity,” Idries Shah writes in “Caravan of Dreams.” We all have moments when it is best to keep our mouths shut, but unfortunately, we said something careless and hurt someone’s feelings. Unfortunately, as Shah writes, it's impossible to take it back once we utter something regrettable.

Comedian Craig Ferguson, who hosted the CBS late-night talk show “The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson” from 2005 to 2014, learned to stop saying regrettable things the hard way. By sharing how he solved his problem in his stand-up act, he prevented many people from putting themselves in the same situation. In his 2011 EPIX comedy special, “Does This Need To Be Said?,” he shared how he overcame his habit of making regrettable remarks.

“The three things you must ask yourself before you say anything: Does this need to be said? Does this need to be said by me? Does this need to be said by me, now?” Ferguson joked that it took him three marriages before he learned this lesson. In 2008, he married his third wife, art dealer Megan Wallace-Cunningham, and 3 years later, they had a son.

Warning: Strong language.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Ferguson shared the observation as part of a segment about how people constantly post regrettable things without thinking on the internet. This problem was not present in the Medieval ages when people couldn’t write, had nothing to write with, and had no internet.

The advice, now known by some as the “3-Question Rule,” has caught on beyond the world of stand-up comedy. Justin Bariso, an emotional intelligence expert and the author of "EQ Applied: The Real-World Guide to Emotional Intelligence," explained it recently on The Culture Crush podcast.

Here’s how we can put the rule into practice in our everyday lives.

You go to Starbucks in the morning, and they accidentally forget to toast your bagel, and you want to give them a piece of your mind.

Does this need to be said? Nope, just move on with your day.

You notice that a co-worker is coming back from lunch looking intoxicated every day, and it’s beginning to become a problem. You want to let them know that being at work intoxicated is unacceptable.

Does this need to be said? Yes.

Does this need to be said by me? Nope. It is probably best to talk to your manager or HR.

You go out to dinner with some friends, and your spouse shares an embarrassing story about you that you'd rather she didn't share. You want to tell her that she upset you.

Does this need to be said? Yeah, for sure.

Does this need to be said by me? 100%.

Do I need to say this now? No. You can wait until you get home or tomorrow morning so you won’t fight in front of your friends.


The 3-Question Rule is a great way to pause and reflect before putting ourselves in an uncomfortable situation or hurting someone’s feelings. When you start stacking moments where you refrain from giving someone a piece of your mind or making a snide remark, you’ll build an even better inner strength that allows you to respond to situations versus mindlessly reacting. With that comes confidence, assertiveness, and fewer sleepless nights.

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Family

People are sharing the marriage advice that 'sounded absurd' but is actually really helpful

Here are 19 of the best responses.

via Pexels

Work at it every single day, folks.


The best advice isn’t always obvious, or else we would have thought of it ourselves. It often comes out of left field and can be counterintuitive at the time, but it eventually sinks in. When it comes to marriage, the best advice tends to be centered around keeping a focus on the long game.

One of the best pieces of marriage advice I ever received was, “Buy her a bottle of shampoo from time to time without her asking.” Now, that doesn’t mean to get shampoo specifically, but just pick up something here and there to show you care and are thinking about her.

Marriage, if done right, is forever, so that often means taking a loss in the short-term to enjoy the long-term benefits of a happy life with someone. This is great as a concept, but as a practice it can be pretty darn hard day in and day out. Hence why about 50% of American marriages end in divorce.

Reddit user thecountnotthesaint put out a call to the AskMen forum for some of the best marriage advice that “sounded absurd” but was actually helpful.

The question was inspired by some advice the Reddit user had received from their father, who claimed that a king-sized bed is the key to a happy marriage. "I'll be damned if that wasn't one of the best decisions we made aside from getting married and having kids," they wrote.

A lot of the advice was about being careful not to escalate small disagreements into larger arguments that could turn personal and ugly. A lot of people think that to have a successful marriage means being able to compromise and to let things go quickly.

Here are some of the best responses to the question, “What random marriage advice sounded absurd but was actually spot on helpful?”

1.

"Dad said 'Be kind even if you’re not feeling it. Maybe especially if you’re not feeling it.'” — semantician

2. 

"At my wedding, my wife's Grandmother offered so[me] funny, weird, solid advice. She said, 'If you get angry with each other, go to bed naked and see if you can resolve it before you go to sleep.' So far, so good. Anniversary on Monday!" — drizzyjdracco

3. 

"The advice I’ve given people is this: if you can go grocery shopping with your person and have the best time ever, you have yourself a keeper. It’s all about making the best of the mundane things, because after years of being together, life becomes predictable. You’ll need to keep the spice going, regardless of what you’re doing. Source: married 15 years." — LemonFizzy0000

4. 

"My grandfather told me 'Never go to bed with dirty dishes in the sink.' What I learned is that he would always help my grandma and that is when they did their most talking." — t480

5. 

"When our kid was about to be born, someone told me to change the first diaper. If you can handle the first one, the others will be easy.' So I did. I didn't know what I was doing, so I asked the nurse at the hospital to teach me, and I changed the first several few diapers while my wife recovered from a difficult labor. The advice was correct, no other diaper was as disgusting as the first one. It got very easy and I never minded doing it, and my wife was really really grateful. And I loved that I could take on some of the parenting chores, since there was so much that she was the only one... equipped to provide." — wordserious

6. 

"Focus on tackling the problem, not each other." — bobbobbobbobbob123

7. 


"Don’t have too high of expectations. My dad told us that, but we found most of our early fights were when one or the other had unspoken expectations of the other or marriage. It is positively life changing to be married, and an amazing experience, but still life goes on."— nopants_ranchdance

8. 

"Marry him for who he is. Not his potential." — There-is-No-beyond

9. 


"My stepmom just passed away, and dad said something that has profoundly changed my attitude: 'The little things that annoyed me are the things I now miss.' So, like, yea for some reason she squeezes a massive glob of toothpaste which mostly falls into the sink basin and she doesn't wash away the toothpaste spit. If/when she's gone, that little constant annoyance that reminds me she's there will be gone too. Don't nag on the little things, rather, embrace them. (still, let her know she has made progress on other things I've pointed out, as I try to adapt to her wishes)." — drewkungfu

10. 

"Say thank you for day to day things, even taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, or folding laundry. Audibly hearing thank you reinforces the feeling of being appreciated." — BVolatte

11. 

"Randomly give your partner a cold beverage on a hot day. It's the little things that show you care." — Purple12Inchruler

12. 


"You don't just marry her, you marry her whole damn family." — crazypersn

13. 

"One of my colonels told me: 'Just buy two damn pizzas, instead of arguing over the toppings.'"— MgoBlue702

14. 

"Be honest. Don't lie to your partner." — Mikeydeeluxe

15. 

"Don’t marry a woman whose dad calls her 'princess,' because she probably believes it. Much to his regret, my brother ignored this advice from our dad." — Toadie9622

16. 

"My fiance always says that 'just because' flowers are the best kind of flowers." — agaribay1010

17. 

"My Gramps who was married for over 50 yrs said: 'tell her you love her every single day.' Kind of obvious, but I definitely took it to heart." — sorellk

18. 

"Love isn’t about having 'nice feelings for each other.' It’s about acting for the betterment of someone else, even if you don’t feel like it. Emotions will change. Your willingness to treat your spouse a certain way doesn’t have to." — sirplaind

19. 


"Bill Maher said "The three most important words in a relationship aren't 'I love you', they're 'let it go.' Oddly, this has proven to be some of the best relationship advice I've ever heard." — KrssCom


This article originally appeared three years ago.

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