Mom makes teen son's bed and picks up his clothes after he goes to school.
Parenting is difficult, not only because raising unique human beings through childhood and beyond is complex on every level, but because it's hard to know if you're doing it right. And the internet definitely doesn't help on that front, as everyone has an opinion on what constitutes good parenting.
Case in point: A mom who makes her teen son's bed and picks up his clothes for him after she drops him off at school every morning.
Shannon Tarkey a mother of five (including triplets), shared a video on Instagram and Facebook showing how she makes her son's bed and picks up his clothes, and people had feelings about it. The text overlay on the video as she's tidying up reads:
"I started doing this every morning for my teenager. Not because he won't do it. Not because I do everything for him. But because teenagers are now growing up in a very strange and complicated world and I want him to feel at peace when he comes home.
People disagreed on whether tidying up for a teen was kindness or enabling.
People's reactions to the video were sometimes drastically different, with some believing she was setting him up to be an entitled husband.
For instance, one commenter on Instagram wrote, "Ooooh he gonna make his wife so furious one day expecting a clean house but not helping."
Another added, "Although this is very kind and sweet of you, when he gets married he will think this is also what his wife should do for him. I married a man who thought I was supposed to be just like his mom. It took many years for my husband to learn to serve in the home."
However, others shared that they do similar things for their own kids or that their moms did those things for them and are grateful for the loving-kindness being expressed through such acts of service.
"My baby is 15 and after she leaves for school I clean her room," shared one mom. "I plug up her iPad/Mac etc so they are charged and ready for when she comes home. I make breakfast, lunch, iron outfits, comb hair, and anything else I think she needs from me. She has years as an adult but her time as a child is limited."
Another person added, "My Mother used to do that for me and said the same thing. I tried to do the same. There is plenty of time to be an adult..."
The comments go back and forth between people praising Tarkey for showing her son what kindness and caring for others looks like and people saying she was teaching her son that a woman will always clean up after him.
In the caption of the photo, Tarkey explained in more detail why she does this for her son after dropping him off at school:
"He has his own chores and has been taught his entire life to clean up after himself. But when he's getting himself up early in the mornings and rushing off to school this is something I've come to enjoy doing for him. This way when he gets home he can get his homework done in his room and just relax. There's plenty of other things Austin helps with around the house, and I can only imagine what it's like being a teenager in today's world. It is my job to make my children feel at peace so if it's picking up a few pieces of clothes or making his bed then I am more than happy to do it for him."
In the comments she shared that her son also helps with cooking and gardening, cares for the family animals, vacuums and organizes his room and has developed all kinds of life skills—fishing, hunting, car repair—most kids don't have. She clarified that he does make his own bed some days and on weekends. "But when he's rushed out for school I am not going to harp on him when he gets home when he's incredibly responsible as it is," she wrote. "He has plenty of chores and he's also GRATEFUL I do this for him."
The differing opinions in the comments are fascinating in that they offer an insight into how people view the balance between having expectations for our kids and being an example of caring and kindness. Naturally, people brought their own backgrounds and experiences into their opinions, sometimes without having all the information about this particular home and parenting dynamic, so it's not all about this one mom and her son. But what one person sees as kindness, another might see as enabling. And in reality, they might be right or they might be wrong, depending on the circumstances.
Whether this teenage boy grows up to expect his wife to clean up after him or grows up to follow his mother's example of caring for our loved ones depends on lots of factors—how such things are talked about in the home, the values instilled in him, the kid's personality, how other responsibilities are handled and more.
What do you think? Does her reasoning make sense?
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There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
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Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."