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'SAHMs Listen up!': Texas UPS driver has pointed message about stay-at-home moms and entitlement

“You are so privileged to have a person who is willing to provide such a carefree life for you.”

via J.R. Minton (used with permission)

A Texas UPS driver has a strong opinion on stay-at-home moms.

J.R. Minton, a 33-year-old UPS driver from the Dallas, Texas area, ruffled some feathers recently with a viral TikTok video titled “SAHMs Listen up!” that begins with him asking, “I mean, how entitled could you be?” At first, Minton appears to fail to appreciate the enormous amount of emotional, mental, and physical labor that stay-at-home moms provide.

“I truly cannot imagine the amount of arrogance you must have to sit there and complain when you are so privileged to have a person who is willing to provide such a carefree life for you,” Minton continues. “Let’s get real! What do you do all day? Your spouse is taking care of everything so you can take care of one thing. How complicated could it be: all you do is go to work?”

At this point, legions of stay-at-home mothers and those who love them considered trucking themselves to Dallas to find this unappreciative UPS driver. However, it was soon apparent that Minton was referring to himself.

@minton__jr

Grow tf up—You should be doing more. #sahm #sahmlife #momlife #mom #momsoftiktok #sahmsoftiktok #sahmtok #momtok

“For 10 hours a day, you get to live the life of a single, childless, carefree man because your wife was willing to take the financial risk of allowing you to be successful in your career while she takes care of everything else,” he continues. “She provides childcare services, home cleaning services, medical services, food services, scheduling services, and a list that goes on and on. And you provide... a paycheck? And you have the nerve to call yourself the provider! What is it going to take for you to realize that, bro, everything you have in your life is because of a stay-at-home mom.”

The commenters on the video breathed sighs of relief and then praised Minton, a father of 4, for publicly appreciating his wife’s work.



"My sleeves were rolled up, earrings were off, hair tied up.... I was so ready...." one commenter joked. "I thought I landed in enemy territory for a min..." another added. "You have just made me realize after all these years that *I* am the freaking provider and that feels amazing,” a stay-at-home mother wrote.

People appreciate Minton’spost because he praised stay-at-home mothers and placed his wife’s work above his, which he characterized as merely bringing home a paycheck. Minton has one job, delivering packages, but as he noted, his wife is an expert in over five different professions. In a world where stay-at-home moms are fighting to be seen as equals to their working spouses, Minton places them on a pedestal and owes his “carefree life” to them.

"Married life, with children, is bound to be chaotic," Minton told Upworthy. "It’s bound to have its ups and downs; It’s made me question myself a thousand times. However, the marriage my wife and I share has given me the space to find peace."

Minton may be sharing an opinion we don't hear often enough, but he doesn't think he's the only one who thinks that way. "The last thing I am is rare or unique. There’s nothing special about the way that I feel or the things that I say. I have the same thoughts, feelings, frustrations and problems that any other husband or father might be struggling with," he told Upworthy. "The only difference that might be apparent is how I choose to react to the same situations any other man might encounter."

This post isn’t the first time Minton has pulled the bait and switch on his followers. Last year, he made a video where he appeared to take pride in the fact that he never “helps” his wife with chores.

The twist in this video was that he doesn’t “help” his wife with chores because they are also his responsibility. "Because I do what I am supposed to do as a father and a husband. I cook. I clean. I do the laundry. I take care of the kids. I can't help my wife do those things because they are my job, too,” he reveals.

He then urged men to change their perspectives on how they view stay-at-home moms. “Change the way you speak, change the way you think, and grow the f*** up and be a man," he added.

This article originally appeared in January

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Body Image

News anchor has the ultimate response to a man who told her to dress ‘like a normal woman’

"These are my pants. I like them. I bought them."

via KGW-TV / YouTube

NBC correspondent Maggie Vespa

One of the major differences between women and men is that women are often judged based on their looks rather than their character or abilities. "Men as well as women tend to establish the worth of individual women primarily by the way their body looks, research shows. We do not do this when we evaluate men," Naomi Ellemers Ph.D. wrote in Psychology Today.

Dr. Ellers believes that this tendency to judge a woman solely on her looks causes them to be seen as an object rather than a person. "As a result of focusing on their outwardly visible features, we are tempted to overlook their inner states, ignore markers of their intentions, beliefs, and desires, and less likely to empathize with their plight," Ellers continued.

Women in the spotlight are constantly being judged based on their looks rather than their performance in a given field. Serena Williams once won the French Open but all the press was about what she wore on the court.

For example, Hillary Clinton has been constantly being criticized throughout her political life for what she wore or her hair style rather than her accomplishments.

Maggie Vespa, a news anchor at KGW-TV in Portland, was criticized for how she dresses by a male viewer, so she brilliantly took the incident and used it as a way to talk about the double standards women face.

Maggie Vespa, Portland, NBC, Chicago, sexism, twitter, XThe sexist message Maggie Vespa receivedTwitter

"Just wanted to let you know that the clothes you've been wearing, especially those crazy pants that ride half way up your torso, are not cool looking, in any way!," Jeffrey, a male viewer, wrote to Vespa on Facebook. You're way too pretty to look so foolish."

The next day, he sent her another message. "OMG, you really looked uncomfortably tonight. Try dressing like a normal woman. Doesn't KGW pay you enough for a wardrobe makeover?" Jeffrey wrote.

Maggie Vespa, Portland, Chicago, sexism, twitter, XAnother sexist message sent to Maggie VespaTwitter

Vespa posted about the emails on social media and received hundreds of responses, so she carved out a few minutes to discuss the situation on the news.

"Let's just get this out of the way at the top. This is dumb," Vespa responded.

There was no way she was going to start dressing for the male gaze.

"These are my pants. I like them. I bought them."

Maggie went on to show photos of five different pairs of high-waisted pants that she wore in the week following Jeffrey's messages. Maggie's colleagues also got in on it, donning high-waisted pants to show their support.

Maggie Vespa, NBC, Portland, Chicago, Twitter, sexismMaggie Vespa in her previous newsroom via KGW-TV / YouTube

Vespa said the harassment "hit a nerve" with people on social media who used it as an opportunity to discuss "the pressure women obviously face, especially those in the public eye to embody the epitome of physical attractiveness at all times."

"If we don't, it's somehow seen as a sign that we're less credible or less capable and, by and large, guys don't have to deal with this," Vespa continued. " As my awesome male coworkers can and have attested to."

Vespa then brilliantly spun the harassment into an empowering message for women.

"Our goal here is to send a message, to women, to girls, to everyone: Dress how you want, look how you want, and if anybody tries to make you feel less than because of that, that's their problem, not yours," Vespa said.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

maggie vespa
Popular

Female doctors share bikini pics after group of mostly male researchers deemed them 'inappropriate'

"I am good at my job, I am a professional. I am a doctor. I am also a human."

via Emily Casey / Twitter

It's no surprise that employers often look at job applicants' social media profiles before hiring them. According to CareerBuilder, 70% of employers "use social media to screen candidates before hiring."

It makes sense because social media profiles can reveal a lot about someone's true personality and employers don't want to take any unnecessary risks.

The Journal of Vascular Surgery did a study where it viewed the social media profiles of 235 medical residents to see if they had "unprofessional or potentially unprofessional content."

The study found that "One-half of recent and soon to be graduating vascular surgery trainees had an identifiable social media account with more than one-quarter of these containing unprofessional content."

The paper with a warning: "Young surgeons should be aware of the permanent public exposure of unprofessional content that can be accessed by peers, patients, and current/future employers."

via Science Direct

At first glance, this study seemed like it was helping graduates with their careers by warning them against social media posts that could get them into trouble. But the study created in a backlash from the medical community because it shamed female doctors.

The major bone of contention that medical professionals had with the study is that the team of predominantly male researchers said that "provocative posing in bikinis/swimwear," "provocative Halloween costumes," and "holding/ consuming alcohol" are all inappropriate.

via Dr M / Twitter

There's nothing wrong with a woman wearing a bikini or anyone having a beer in public, why did the study deem them inappropriate?

The paper inspired female medical professionals to push back against the study by posting shots of themselves in swimwear and imbibing adult beverages under #MedBikini.







Some male allies got in on the hashtag, too.

The backlash prompted one of the authors of the study, Dr. Jeff Siracuse, to apologize for the paper's framing.

"Our intent was to empower surgeons to be aware and then personally decide what may be easily available for our patients and colleagues to see about us social media," Siracuse wrote on Twitter.

"However, this was clearly not the result. We realize that the definition of professionalism is rapidly changing in medicine and that we need to support our trainees and surgeons as our society changes without the appearance of judgment."


This article originally appeared five years ago.

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Humor

A comedian sparked a fierce debate when she exploded with rage at a male heckler

After the guy got kicked out, Natalie Cuomo read his texts to his friend live on stage.

Unsplash

I once had tickets to see the late, great Mitch Hedberg at a comedy club in Baltimore. I was unimaginably excited about seeing my hero live. A few days before the show, Mitch sadly passed away. The venue got another comic to fill in and my friends and I went anyway, not really knowing what else to do. The new comic was... a lot different from Mitch. We unwisely sat in the very front and that led to me getting brutally roasted for a good portion of the show.

I understood even then that that's how comedy works sometimes, but I admit, it did feel a little mean-spirited at times, and I can't say it was the greatest experience. Comedians, especially in smaller clubs, are known to dish out some good-natured abuse. Sometimes the abuse isn't so good natured. But one of the big questions when it comes to "crowd work" is — if they dish it out, they should be able to take it, right? A viral encounter between a comedian and a heckler is raising questions about proper etiquette at a comedy show — both from the performer and people in the crowd.


Giphy

Comedian Natalie Cuomo was doing crowd work during her set at the DC Comedy Loft when she began interacting with a guy who wasn't willing to play along. Heckling is part of the life of a comedian, especially when they start ribbing the audience. After all, the spectators are real live people -- you never can be sure how they'll react or what they might say back!

But this guy seemed to get genuinely offended at a little jab, and Cuomo called him out on being a little overly sensitive.

"It's not my fault you don't have material," the man shot back. "I can roast you, too. You can't just roast all of us and get nothing." Shortly after, he offered, or maybe threatened, to take the mic from her.

And that's when, in the clip posted by Cuomo to her TikTok page, she went off:

"It's such a hard time in this world right now. There's so many people that came together to be supportive and fucking amazing, and you're putting..." She then knealt down to the guy's eye level. "Look me in the eyes!" she screamed at him. "you're putting negative freaking energy out here! ... You wanna say mean shit to me? OK, so don't fucking do that."

Not long after that interaction, the guy was removed by security, and Cuomo's set continued on.


@nataliecuomo

Right after I said how grateful I was for everyone being there and selling out the show, this little man in the front row decided to let his true colors shine ✨ Always stand up for yourself!! And if you’re going to be rude, at least have the decency to LOOK ME IN THE EYES 👀 ❤️


Generally, comedians are expected to keep their cool and win these battles with wit and not rage. But not always.

Female comics have to put up with an awful lot just to get on stage. There's the being expected to work for free or less pay than male peers, being harassed by other comics and audience members, and being cat-called by people in the crowd. They're judged by their looks in bizarre ways. They have to be pretty but not too pretty so as not to be funny. Guys like the heckler in question sometimes go out of their way to give women comics a rough time.

Maybe Natalie Cuomo had just had enough that night and didn't have the energy to hide her anger with whip-smart jokes — who knows?

"i worked in comedy clubs for two years and saw so many female comics in this position who felt like they had to be funny and not angry. endorse this," one commenter wrote. Others applauded Cuomo's "female rage" and the way she stood up for herself. The live audience was also on her side, chanting her name after the awkward encounter.

But some folks weren't so thrilled with Cuomo's response. "She literally chucked a tantrum on stage," one user wrote under the video.

"a [comedian's] one job is to be funny, so crashing out at your own show over a bad interaction really rubs me the wrong way," said another.

It begs the question: Was the guy's heckling fair game for a comedy show, or was he really out of line? There might be a clue in the conclusion to Cuomo's video: After the heckler was tossed out of the venue, Cuomo noticed that the man's friend was sending texts... so she grabbed his phone.

"Lol, what a fucking clown, I did warn you I would get kicked out," the heckler's had told his friend in a text — which Cuomo kindly shared with the live audience. "Man, she is sensitive, especially for a comedian." Then she texted him back a selfie of her holding up the middle finger.

Sounds like maybe he came prepared to raise a stink with whatever comic was on stage. Whether Cuomo handled the situation perfectly or not, I think we can all agree that's in pretty poor taste.

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