upworthy
Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button
More

Let's break down 15 terrible excuses from accused sexual harassers and predators.

The world is currently being treated to a slow-rolling reveal of the alleged bad behavior of some of its most powerful men.

And inevitably, with bad behavior comes excuses.

It's no surprise that prominent accused harassers and predators, once cornered, would try to wriggle out of accusations of sexual conduct and abuse. What is surprising is the variety in their attempts to justify their alleged behavior. Excuses by way of apology. Excuses by way of confession. Excuses by way of firm, uncompromising denial. All attempting to convey how they didn't do what they've been accused of or that what they did do made sense to them in the moment. In some way, they're the most revealing window into the personal, social, and cultural forces that enable their alleged misdeeds.


Excuses, ultimately, reflect our beliefs about what's just and fair. Which raises some questions: Do any of them actually put the behavior in a context that makes it, in some distressing way, understandable? Do they ever work? And what does it say about us if we believe them?

Here are just some of the excuses we know they've tried:

1. I'm from a different era, and this strange, new culture is confusing to me.

To date, more than 50 women have accused Hollywood mega-producer Harvey Weinstein of engaging in a decades-long pattern of abusive behavior ranging from harassment to sexual coercion to rape. But lest "what he supposedly did" is coloring your impression of him, Weinstein wants you to remember he's not an evil man: He's just a recovering hippie!

"I came of age in the '60s and '70s when all the rules about behavior and workplaces were different," Weinstein wrote in a statement. "That was the culture then."

Harvey Weinstein. Photo by Rich Polk/Getty Images.

Of course. Who doesn't remember the '60s and '70s? Flower power! Free love! Cornering women in a hotel room and trying to force them to watch you shower! Though the millions of other people who made it through those turbulent decades without harassing or abusing anyone — or threatening them if they told anyone and then hiring ex-spies to help cover it up — might remember those decades slightly differently, Weinstein simply refuses to let the swingin' spirit die. No matter the decade, his behavior is less "groovy" and more "galling."

Weinstein's excuse depends on eliding two wildly different notions: (1) That America failed to take workplace harassment and sexual abuse seriously in the '60s and '70s, and (2) that it was OK back then — or perpetrated by anyone reared back then — as a result. While the first assertion is undeniable, the second is self-serving nonsense. Just because a behavior was ignored, tolerated, or even encouraged doesn't make it remotely close to excusable.

2. Hey, it's not like I didn't ask!

Thus wrote comedian Louis C.K. in a widely praised (and widely derided) statement confirming a New York Times report that he had masturbated in front of almost half a dozen unwilling women.

"At the time, I said to myself that what I did was O.K. because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is ... true. But what I learned later in life, too late, is that when you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn’t a question. It’s a predicament for them."

Some might argue C.K.'s approach forgoes the most critical part of consent: waiting for a response. Still others might assert that without getting a "yes" or a "no" back, there's no point in asking at all. Viewed that way, C.K.'s logic is baffling at best, and it's both miraculous and frightening that he somehow got to the age of 50 believing the world works like this.

More frightening still, scattered segments from C.K.'s TV show and various stand-up specials in which the comedian acknowledges viewing masturbation as a form of control or tool of revenge suggest that he did indeed know the effect his behavior had on others — and simply didn't care.

3. The closet made me do it. Also, I was drunk.

Ah, alcohol. Absolver of all responsibility. Whether knocking over a glass vase, texting your roommates at 4 a.m., or sexually assaulting teenagers, some men apparently believe that acknowledging that you were blasted when it happened is a one-way express ticket to Forgiveness Town. That reportedly includes Kevin Spacey, who actor Anthony Rapp says drunkenly attempted to force himself on him when Rapp was 14.

"If I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior, and I am sorry for the feelings he describes having carried with him all these years," Spacey wrote in a statement responding contritely to the alleged incident. Since the story of Rapp's accusation broke, over a dozen more accusers have come forward.

Kevin Spacey. Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images.

To make matters worse for everyone but himself, Spacey used the space of his response to come out as a gay man — all but implying a connection between his alleged predation and his closeted sexuality. It reads as a desperate attempt to buy a modicum of sympathy at the cost of casting suspicion on millions of innocent LGBTQ Americans.

4. It's just what guys do.

Donald Trump's now-infamous comments about sexually assaulting women — "Grab 'em by the pussy" and "I moved on her like a bitch" — have largely disappeared down the memory hole, thanks to the steadily strengthening storm of scandals swirling around the now-president. Still, it's tough to forget how the former reality show host became president in the first place: by managing to convince a depressing percentage of Americans that his unscripted admission was just a case of "boys being boys."

"This was locker-room banter, a private conversation that took place many years ago," Trump said in a statement following the revelations.

Was it, though? On one hand, you've got the producers of "Access Hollywood," who fired Billy Bush for merely participating in that very discussion; dozens professional athletes asserting that, no, that's not at all what locker rooms are like; not to mention the dozens of women who have come forward and accused Trump of doing pretty much exactly what he described. On the other hand, you have the word of Donald Trump, a dude who lies constantly.

Tough call, I guess.  

5. I knew it was wrong, but no one complained, so how wrong could it have been?

"Toward the end of my time at ABC News, I recognized I had a problem," journalist Mark Halperin said in a statement responding to allegations he had sexually harassed multiple women during his tenure at the network. "No one had sued me, no one had filed a human resources complaint against me, no colleague had confronted me. But I didn’t need a call from HR to know that I was a selfish, immature person who was behaving in a manner that had to stop."

Of course, Halperin "knew" that what he was doing was wrong in the same way that his victims likely "knew" that going to human resources to complain about their boss would get them sidelined, fired, or branded as a troublemaker. That power imbalance allows Halperin to attempt to have it both ways: pretending to take full responsibility of the allegations while slyly implying that the women he harassed share the blame for not speaking up sooner or louder.

6. I'm too old and infirm to be a threat, and it was a joke anyway.

George H.W. Bush. Photo by David J. Phillip - Pool/Getty Images.

After multiple women came forward to accuse former President George H.W. Bush of groping them while posing for photos, the elder statesman did something few accused predators have the integrity to do: He admitted it.

Still, as drafted by his spokesperson, his statement-slash-confession seemed to carry more than a whiff of an implication that his victims were needlessly slandering a harmless, disabled, old American hero:

"To try to put people at ease, the president routinely tells the same joke — and on occasion, he has patted women’s rears in what he intended to be a good-natured manner."

And while it's true that Bush is in his 90s and his arms aren't as flexible as they used to be, a pat is different than a squeeze — and if someone squeezes your ass, you know. Not to mention, this explanation would appear to be contradicted by new reports that a less old and less infirm Bush was, apparently, no less inclined to grope the women (and girls, in some cases) standing next to him in photos.

7. I made them stars, and this is how they repay me?!

For some serial abusers, getting a woman her dream job apparently means assuming sexual ownership over her forever and always in exchange. Consider Roger Ailes, who reportedly made a series of unwelcome overtures to former Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly, even repeatedly attempting to kiss her in his office. The excuse he gave, framed as a furious denial, attempts to marshal other, generous actions as evidence to why he couldn't or wouldn't have engaged in misconduct.

"I worked tirelessly to promote and advance [Megyn Kelly’s] career, as Megyn herself admitted to Charlie Rose. Watch that interview and then decide for yourself," Ailes said. As is commonly the case, Kelly wasn't close to alone in her accusations among the women hired by Ailes. Since former Fox anchor Gretchen Carlson launched her lawsuit against her ex-boss, more than 20 women have come forward with similar allegations.

For others, that imagined control extends to merely pretending to get women jobs. That was, allegedly, the longtime MO of director James Toback, who is accused of inviting over 200 women to professional meetings only to proposition and, occasionally, assault them once in private. Toback put his denial even more aggressively:

"The idea that I would offer a part to anyone for any other reason than that he or she was gonna be the best of anyone I could find is so disgusting to me. And anyone who says it is a lying c*cksucker or c*nt or both."

8. I'm trying to be a good guy now, and I respect the hell out of women, so let's just wipe the slate clean.

A popular excuse, especially among various left-of-center men of Hollywood and the media, mixes a nod to contrition with a subtle appeal to tribal loyalty: "I may have been a jerk once," the argument goes, "But I'm on the right side of the issues that you care about."

Here's Casey Affleck's response, who reportedly harassed multiple women on the set of "I'm Still Here":  

"There’s really nothing I can do about [the allegations] other than live my life the way I know I live it and to speak to what my own values are and how I try to live by them all the time."

Casey Affleck. Photo by Leon Bennett/Getty Images.

And here's what Dustin Hoffman had to say after he was accused of making inappropriate and lewd comments to a production assistant during "Death of a Salesman":

"I have the utmost respect for women and feel terrible that anything I might have done could have put her in an uncomfortable situation. I am sorry. It is not reflective of who I am."

And here are Leon Weiseltier's words, who allegedly harassed multiple women of a series of years as editor-in-chief of The New Republic:

"The women with whom I worked are smart and good people. I am ashamed to know that I made any of them feel demeaned and disrespected. I assure them that I will not waste this reckoning."

Whether that "reckoning" ever comes is often irrelevant to the alleged abuser. What matters is that enough people believe he's an asset to whatever fight they're fighting, leaving open the possibility that he'll be rehabilitated by his community without having to lift a finger.

9. This is a political ploy by my enemies to ruin me.

Bill O'Reilly. Photo by Ilya S. Savenok/Getty Images.

When in doubt, blame those bastards in the opposition party for trying to tear you down.

"If you look at the totality, this was a hit job — a political and financial hit job," argued Bill O'Reilly, after reports surfaced that he settled an unknown sexual harassment claim for $32 million in addition to allegations that he harassed or abused a string of coworkers during his decade-plus at Fox News.

As a naked appeal to tribal loyalty, it's a nefarious tactic but potentially a good deal more effective than, say, trying to shame your accusers by sharing the thank you notes they wrote you for some unrelated thing or outright blaming God — two things O'Reilly for real tried to do in the wake of allegations against him.

10. This is a political ploy by the media to get clicks and sell papers.

When in even more doubt, blame the fake news for whipping up people's anger and impairing their "objectivity."  

"Brett Ratner vehemently denies the outrageous derogatory allegations that have been reported about him, and we are confident that his name will be cleared once the current media frenzy dies down and people can objectively evaluate the nature of these claims," said the director's spokesperson in a statement responding to allegations that Ratner had engaged in sexual misconduct on set.

Despite Ratner's denial, actor Ellen Page followed up days later with a blistering Facebook post, accusing the director of outing her against her will with an unwelcome, sexually tinged comment. Ratner as of yet hasn't respond to her claim, unmediated by the media such as it was.

11. It was the Russians!

George Takei. Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images.

When in the most doubt, blame Vladimir Putin. As if the allegations against George Takei (which eerily paralleled a story Takei himself told Howard Stern several weeks earlier) weren't upsetting enough, especially given Takei's history of speaking out about the serious issue of sexual harassment, his response could not have been more bizarre:

"A friend sent me this. It is a chart of what Russian bots have been doing to amplify stories containing the allegations against me," Takei wrote, after allegations that he had groped a fellow actor without his consent surfaced. "It’s clear they want to cow me into silence, but do not fear friends. I won’t succumb to that."

12. But what about all the men who are falsely accused?

Of course, not all of those accused of harassment or abuse are guilty, though recent studies peg the incidence of false reports at between a mere 2% to 8%. But while the guilty category is larger by leaps and bounds, that inkling of doubt too often allows alleged harassers and predators to weasel their way into the former.

"No one wants to discourage abuse victims from speaking out, but one must bear in mind that sometimes there are people who are falsely accused and that is also a terribly destructive thing," Woody Allen wrote in The New York Times after his daughter, Dylan Farrow, accused him of sexually assaulting her in the pages of the same paper a week earlier.

When reached for comment on the on the Harvey Weinstein allegations, Allen told the BBC he wished to avoid "a witch-hunt atmosphere" where "every guy in an office who winks at a woman is suddenly having to call a lawyer to defend himself." It's a frame that conflates workplace flirting (potentially harassing behavior in its own right) with Weinstein's alleged pattern of coercion and assault or, perhaps, his own by association.

13. No comment, through a lawyer.

Rather than offer an excuse, which can be its own form of admission, some alleged abusers simply choose to say nothing and hope the accusation goes away. That's what Bill Clinton did in response to claims that he raped then-nursing home operator Juanita Brodderick in a hotel after luring her there with the promise of a professional meeting. First, Clinton's attorney called the allegations "absolutely false." Later, Clinton himself doubled down.

"My counsel has made a statement about the ... issue, and I have nothing to add to it," the then-president told the Washington Post.

14. I'm a sick man.

Anthony Weiner. Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images.

Of course, when the allegations become impossible to deny, some abusers see no option beyond making a full-throated, self-abasing confession. Anthony Weiner did this after pleading guilty to "transferring obscene material to a minor."

"This fall, I came to grips for the first time with the depths of my sickness. I had hit bottom," he said in court. "I entered intensive treatment, found the courage to take a moral inventory of my defects, and began a program of recovery and mental health treatment that I continue to follow every day."

"I accept full responsibility for my conduct," he continued. "I have a sickness, but I do not have an excuse. I apologize to everyone I have hurt. I apologize to the teenage girl, whom I mistreated so badly. I am committed to making amends to all those I have harmed. Thank you."

Weiner certainly isn't the first prominent accused predator to claim to be broken. Harvey Weinstein checked himself into rehab for sex addiction after allegations against him surfaced. Kevin Spacey did the same some weeks later. Weiner himself previously had done a stint at rehab. But while Weiner's statement completely acknowledges the scope of his wrongdoing, it nonetheless contains an excuse. In some way, it implies that the former congressman's sickness mitigates the harm his actions caused or, at the very least, absolves him of some of the blame.

It's evidence that even the best, most clinical excuse is substandard at best.

Which is why the most reasonable excuse might just be:

15. I have no excuse.

On Nov. 1, former NPR news chief Michael Oreskes stepped down in the wake of allegations that he had harassed multiple women on the job. His acknowledgement was direct and, notably, didn't offer an explanation for his behavior.

"I am deeply sorry to the people I hurt. My behavior was wrong and inexcusable, and I accept full responsibility."

Apologizing unconditionally doesn't make it all better. It doesn't restore the careers of the women Oreskes' behavior likely sidelined, marginalized, or ended. And it doesn't provide a quicker, smoother path to forgiveness. Doing so merely acknowledges what should by now be obvious.

When it comes to harassing or abusing the people who work for you, depend on you, admire you, or simply those who are around you, there is no excuse.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
True

In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.


“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

cats, olympics, luge, winter olympics, cat hunting instincts

Some cats just can't resist a luger.

Cats are famously among the most efficient hunters on Earth, total ambush experts with keen hearing, excellent night vision, lightning-fast reflexes, and the ability to stalk in silence. The fact that humans domesticated these carnivorous predators to keep as cuddly pets is pretty wild when you think about it, especially knowing they could do some real damage to us if they wanted to.

Thankfully, they generally don't want to. Pet cats want to pretend-stalk squirrels from the sofa, go wild with a laser pointer, and do their best to catch Olympic lugers on the TV as they whizz by.


Wait, catch lugers? Yep. Watch:

The comment section on the video is filled with images of cats trying to catch not only lugers but skiiers, figure skaters, hockey players, and even curling stones. And people just loved seeing the tiny hunters pawing at the screen:

"Watching cats watch the Olympics is the best way to watch the Olympics."

"Wow she almost caught that guy."

"The ear flick in confusion after not catching it is so damn cute lol."

"Do the athletes even know they're up against such a terrifying foe?"

"Hey so actually this is bad for the cats because they can get overly invested and join the Jamaican bobsled team."

Others shared their cats' love of luge and other Olympic sports as well:


@lagatitalunalollipop

Lunas is loving the Winter Olympics #luge #winterolympics #cats #funnycat #olympics

@kristiinawilson

Our CH kitten is OBSESSED with watching Olympic luge #olympics #luge #funnycat #chcat #olympics2026

@micaela_bona

Ci sarà anche lei alle prossime olimpiadi !!! 🐈⛸️ #iceskating #cat #olympics #milanocortina2026 #iliamalinin

What triggers a cat's hunting instincts?

Whether cats were first domesticated to be our furry little friends or to keep rodents away from our food stores is debatable, but there's no question that their penchant for catching mice was a perk for humans throughout history. Most modern housecats aren't kept for that purpose, but they still act like they're hunters-in-training.

Cats' predatory instincts don't go away just because they lead a cushy indoor life, as every cat owner cat attest. How often do we see a seemingly bored cat suddenly come to attention, eyes wide, ears engaged, back hunched, locked in on a bird or squirrel out the window? Those instincts are triggered by sudden movements, which is why the luge and other quick-moving sports have so many kitties pawing at the screen.

Horizon Animal Hospital shares some tips for playing with your cat in a way that honors their predatory nature:

- Provide views of the great outdoors

Be sure they can look out windows to see the wildlife. Just be aware that some cats may find their inability to catch the prey they see frustrating and become aggressive because of it.

cat, kitten, cat harness, cat on a leash, indoor cat Indoor cats can enjoy the outdoors safely with a harness and leash.Photo credit: Canva

- Let them explore outside safely

Veterinarians and wildlife experts recommend keeping pet cats indoors, but there are ways for cats to enjoy outdoor time in ways that are safe for them and other animals. Setting up an outdoor enclosure, or a "catio," for them is one option. Taking them outside on a harness and leash is another.

- Prioritize interactive play

Cats quickly become bored with toys that don't simulate prey, so finding interactive toys for them is vital. Catnip mice, feathers on a string, and other things they can attack or toss around are great choices. Puzzle toys and interactive feeders can also keep them busy while you're away.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

- Try a laser pointer

Laser pointers really are the ideal way to play with a cat. They can't seem to help themselves when the laser light starts darting around the room, and it's great entertainment for them and for their humans. Avoid shining it in their eyes, and it's helpful to end a laser play session by pointing the laser dot on a toy they can "kill," like a toy mouse, to avoid frustration.



Pop Culture

People share their favorite 'non-tech' hobbies that keep them sane in a digital world

Some inspo for those craving a bit of simplicity and a break from the screens.

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies

Working with your hands is medicine for the soul.

Digital fatigue is brutal. It robs us of our focus, productivity, and most importantly, our joy. Thankfully, there is a way to escape the never-ending flurry of notifications, emails, and pings and reclaim our inner peace in a way that’s not only effective but fun as well.

Cue: analog hobbies.


The health benefits of analog hobbies are well-documented. Whether they be artistic pursuits like painting or drawing, which help ease racing thoughts and anxiety, or physical activities like gardening or dancing, which get us more active, or some combination of both, like cooking or woodworking, which enlists both the practical and creative sides of our brains.

During the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us found out firsthand just how soothing tech-free hobbies could be. According to one survey, nearly two-thirds of Americans picked up a new hobby during this time. And even though we are more or less back to the regular hustle and bustle of pre-COVID times, the need to unplug is just as important now as ever.

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Do any of us still make sourdough? media2.giphy.com

If you’re looking for inspiration for your next low-to-no tech hobby, keep reading.

Recently, a Reddit user shared that they had been “craving a bit of simplicity and a break from screens,” and in the process rediscovered former analog passions like sketching and playing vinyl records.

“Personally, I’ve found that stepping away from tech even for just an hour or two really helps with mental clarity and stress relief," they wrote. "Also, there’s something so satisfying about making something with your hands, right?"

“It made me wonder: what non-tech hobbies have you all picked up or returned to recently?" they added. "Whether it’s knitting, gardening, brewing your own coffee, or something else that doesn’t require a charger or Wifi.”

Boy, did people respond in kind. Be it with classics like cross-stitching, or some out-of-the-box ideas like sending postcards to German princes (more on that later). Many even shared samples of their WIPS (works in progress), which was doubly inspiring.

Take a look at some of our favorites:

Fused glass is my current hobby. I just enjoy doing it and don't look at my phone for hours when I'm cutting glass. Unfortunately, I do have a lot of cuts on my hands.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A fused glass bowl. Reddit

“Solo board games. There are tons of different mechanics, difficulties and themes…My favorites are Tiny Epic Dungeons, Nemo’s War, Zombicide Black Plague, Threetale, Grove, Valor and Villainy, Ludwig’s Labyrinth.”

Aquascaping is such a good break from tech. I have all the time I spend fiddling with rocks and plants, and once that’s done and I stock the tank with fish and shrimp and whatever else, I have a living piece of art that is 100% custom and always changing.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies An example of aquascaping. Reddit

“Volunteering at the animal shelter.”

“Journaling! My thoughts feel so much clearer after writing everything down. :-)”

“I've fallen in love with whittling.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Whittled Halloween figures. Reddit

“Gardening has probably become the one that’s changed my life the most, it gets me more active, I spend and enjoy hours outside now. It’s taken a big bite out of my grocery bill, it also forces me to cook more. I extend the season by growing cool season crops, keeping a small hydro grow indoors and starting seeds in March. I also vermicompost indoors which is oddly fun and comforting — digging in dirt in the middle of winter and anticipating spring. I find having year round gardening activities helps with SAD and it’s done a ton for my overall mental health and sense of wellbeing.”

“Water coloring bookmarks.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A water color painted bookmark. Reddit

“I’ve been doing film photography since 1973 and am still at it in my home darkroom.”

“Repairing old electric toy trains. I find myself looking forward to unplugging and taking these things apart to fix or replace a part or two and bring them back to life. The smell of oil, soldering a wire or two, working through a fairly simple mechanical problem - these are the only things keeping me sane these days!”

“Counted cross-stitch work in progress”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A cross-stitched pattern of a goddess-like woman. Reddit

“I have gotten back into writing letters to pen pals but most of them are what I call fictional pen pals. That's where I create a character and that character writes a pen pal letter to another created character. It's a lot of fun and makes me slow down to actually write a letter and I can live a more exciting life through my character.”

Latte-art for me :)”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Latte art.Reddit

“I write letters to royals and nobles world wide and collect their responses. It makes going to the mailbox a lot of fun! I always send birthday, anniversary, and coronation day greetings. Other times it might be commenting on an event they attended or appearance they made. Other times letters of condolence if they've experienced a recent death of a loved one. You'd be surprised how many respond personally, particularly minor royals or nobles (the German princes have been particularly gracious with their time to write back).”

“Been a woodworker since I was a wee lad. It’s just super relaxing and mentally rewarding to dive into a project… Here's one of my latest…Most of the work was done with muscle powered hand tools…”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A handmade wood cabinet.Reddit

“Making collages from old magazines. It’s somewhat mindless and cheap to get started. People give away free old magazines on Facebook marketplace or you can buy cheap ones on eBay.”

“Making my own stencils from cardboard and using them on my gelli plate. I’m into surface design at the moment.”

Watercolor painting

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A watercolor butterfly.Reddit

“I’m getting back into art welding. Last week, I found myself in a flow state and forgot to eat. I’m also stunned at how encouraging different old dudes have been to me at supply shops. It was not like that 13 years ago when I learned.”

“Knitting socks.”

“Dollhouse miniature modeling.”

“Getting back into pottery. I get into my zen zone when my hands get dirty.”

“After dabbling before, I’m now taking up bookbinding! Despite the latest trend in doing up fancy versions of paperbacks, you can actually start with stuff you have at home and would otherwise throw away. The first book we’re making in my coptic class uses cardboard packaging and regular printer paper.”

“Camping and backpacking are the most fulfilling for me. I enjoy hiking, birding, tying knots, chilling in a hammock, reading, and photography. I get to do all those things in one hobby.”

“Mandolin and tenor guitar.”

“I paint portraits in oils - mostly of family, or pets. Here is my latest piece. It’s a very rewarding hobby and I’ve met some amazing people along the way.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies An oil portrait of a baby. Reddit

“My all-time favourite analog hobbies are dirt biking, snowmobiling, skiing at 2-3 years old, and they certainly do not need WiFi. Why are they such a great escape from the digital world? Cause you literally leave your home, go where theres no cell service, and you only focus on the machine/skis and never the phone while doing them. Perfect, best escape from the digital world.”

“I go on walks looking for 4 leaf clovers and lay them out in a photo album and think of it kind of like art meets meditation meets scavenger hunting.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies Pressed four leaf clovers. Reddit

“Penmanship. Specifically: writing cursive with a fountain pen. I've started collecting some pens, improved my handwriting, started journaling a little, and even ground some of my own nibs.”

“Public lectures, author meet-and-greets, book clubs, meetups in general- local colleges often have special interest groups open to the public, public libraries usually have some event going on, farmer's markets and local festivals frequently have interesting people who love to talk about what they do.”

“I love air dry clay, particularly the brand Das.”

hobbies, analog hobbies, making art, exercise, digital detox, ask reddit, creativity, art, dance, hobbies A clay pumpkin.Reddit

“Rockhounding, because it literally gets me out of the house and going places.”

For those wondering, rockhounding is searching for and collecting rocks, minerals, fossils, gems, etc. Some folks get specific on what types of colors or shapes they aim to find. And while rockhounding itself involves no tech, you might need to hop online to make sure you're allowed to take items from the spot you're in.

“I love fishing! It's so peaceful!”

“I danced as a kid and recently got back into it through a dance fitness class. Now I'm choreographing my own dances. It's fun, active, and creative.”

Let this be your sign to carve out some time for joy today, in whatever way feels best. Your mind, body, and spirit will thank you for it.

This article originally appeared last year.

Family

Mom explains the 'dishonest' Boomer parenting style that hurts adults to this day

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T."

boomer parents, parenting styles, dishonest harmony, parents, older parents, '70s and '80s parents,

“What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict.”

There are certainly many things the Boomer parents generally did right when raising their kids. Teaching them the importance of manners and respect. That actions do, in fact, have consequences. That a little manners go a long way…all of these things are truly good values to instill in kids.

But, and we are speaking in broad strokes here, being able to openly discuss difficult feelings was not one of the skills passed down by this generation. And many Gen X and Millennial kids can sadly attest to this. This is why the term “dishonest harmony” is giving many folks of this age group some relief. They finally have a term to describe the lack of emotional validation they needed throughout childhood to save face.


Psychologists define the "dishonest harmony" approach as maintaining a façade of peace and harmony at the expense of addressing underlying issues. Parents who practice disharmony prioritize appearance over authenticity and are known to avoid conflict and sweep problems under the rug.

In a video posted to TikTok, a woman named Angela Baker begins by saying, “Fellow Gen X and Millennials, let's talk about our parents and their need for dishonest harmony.”

@parkrosepermaculture

Replying to @Joe Namath #boomerparents #toxicparent #harmony #genx #millennial #badparenting #conflict #nocontact

Barker, who thankfully did not experience this phenomenon growing up, but says her husband “certainly” did, shared that when she’s tried to discuss this topic, the typical response she’d get from Boomers would be to “Stop talking about it. We don't need to hear about it. Move on. Be quiet.” And it’s this attitude that’s at the core of dishonest harmony.

What the experts say about 'dishonest harmony'

"Research supports what many therapists witness daily: families that avoid conflict tend to experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and relational dissatisfaction," writes Dr. Rachel White, LMFT, at Restoration Psychological Services. "According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), families who suppress conflict are more likely to develop covert communication patterns, where body language and tone carry more weight than actual words. This leads to confusion, emotional misattunement, and a cycle of disconnection.

How 'dishonest harmony' works in families

“What that’s showing is their lack of ability to handle the distress that they feel when we talk openly about uncomfortable things,” she says. “What they want is dishonest harmony rather than honest conflict. Keep quiet about these hard issues. Suppress your pain, suppress your trauma. Definitely don't talk openly about it so that you can learn to heal and break the cycle,” she continues. “What matters most is that we have the appearance of harmony, even if there's nothing harmonious under the surface.”

baby boomers, boomer parents, boomer couple, couple 60s, grandparents, A Baby Boomer couple.via Canva/Photos


Barker concludes that this need to maintain a certain facade led to most of the toxic parenting choices of that period. “The desire of Boomer parents to have this perception that everything was sweet and hunky dory, rather than prioritizing the needs of their kids, is what drove a lot of the toxic parenting we experienced.”

Barker’s video made others feel seen

“How did I not hear about dishonest harmony until now? This describes my family dynamic to a T. And if you disrespect that illusion, you are automatically labeled as the problem. It’s frustrating,” one person wrote in the comments.

“THANK YOU SO MUCH! I'm a 49 yo biker sitting in my bedroom crying right now. You just put a name to my darkness!” added another.

baby boomers, boomer parents, boomer couple, couple 60s, grandparents, A Baby Boomer couple.via Canva/Photos


Many shared how they were refusing to repeat the cycle

One wrote, “This is EXACTLY my family dynamic. I’m the problem because I won’t remain quiet. Not anymore. Not again.”

“I love when my kids tell me what I did wrong. It gives me a chance to acknowledge and apologize. Everyone wants to be heard,” said another.

Of course, no parenting style is perfect. And all parents are working with the current ideals of the time, their own inner programming, and their inherent need to course-correct child-rearing problems of the previous generation. Gen Alpha parents will probably cringe at certain parenting styles currently considered in vogue. It’s all part of the process.

But hopefully, one thing we have learned as a collective is that true change happens when we summon the courage to have difficult conversations.

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

otter, lion, dog, golden retriever, beaver
Phtoo Credit: https://www.canva.com/photos

An otter, a lion, a golden retriever, a beaver

In the never-ending quest to understand ourselves better, or at least have just one more distraction from whatever it is we should be doing, here comes the animal personality test. And the craziest part is (at least for me), it's kind of accurate.

The truth is, these days anyone can create their own personality tests. (And they do… and I've taken them.) Which Sex and the City character are you? Who is your inner Marvel superhero? What color is your heart? (Carrie, Ant Man, and black respectively.)


But this particular animal archetype quiz, in actuality, is a model developed in the late 90s by Gary Smalley, an author with a psychology background and a PhD in counseling. Co-created by author John Trent, the two wrote a book called The Two Sides of Love: The Secret to Valuing Differences. The idea is to strike a balance between the tender, "soft" side of love and the "hard," more direct side. After taking the quiz provided in the book (and now online), one can find out if their temperament is the lion, the beaver, the otter, or the golden retriever.

Even though it was written as a love-based tool, this personality test is often mentioned in the corporate world as a way to find out how people relate in the workforce. Jasper Rose, a financial recruiting agency, shared the quiz on their website, but notes, "This model should be taken with a pinch of salt. These animal categories describe the natural leaning of your temperament. In other words, they aren’t entirely fixed, as personalities are flexible and change over time, and people are complex." (So something an otter would say.)

Without further ado, the personality test can be taken (among many places) through this Michigan State University worksheet here:

personality test, lion, beaver, otter, golden retriever Gary Smalley and John Trent's personality testPhoto Credit: Michigan State University

As with most personality tests, these questions can be tricky, as many times more than one answer will apply. For example, one question asks that you rank what best describes you from the following: "likes authority, enthusiastic, sensitive feelings, likes instructions." Another: "Takes charge, takes risks, loyal, accurate." It's possible to relate to all four statements equally, making this a flawed test.

But if you're in it for a lighthearted look at something that may vaguely describe you, here's a breakdown of the results:

THE LION

lion, personality, fierce, strong, animal A lion roams. Giphy GIF by Savage Kingdom, Nat Geo

These, according to the test, are the natural-born leaders. They are confident, take-charge, strong, and independent. From the Jasper Rose website:

"Strengths: visionary, persistent, practical, productive, initiates change and projects, communicates directly, enjoys being challenged, strong-willed, independent, decisive, leader.

Weaknesses: Insensitive/cold, sarcastic, self-sufficient, impatient, stubborn, overlooks risks, controlling at times, can be too direct."

An educational worksheet on the Community Engaged Learning website (Michigan State University) adds that lions, "are great at initiating communication, but not great at listening." They add their natural desires are "freedom, authority, variety, difficult assignments, opportunity for advancement."

THE OTTER

otter, personality, silly, cute, animal An otter is surprised. Giphy GIF by Nashville Tour Stop

These are our happy social types. "They are often energetic and enthusiastic, with a tendency to be playful and enjoy humor. Otters are generally creative and enjoy trying new things but may struggle with follow-through. They value relationships and are often empathetic and compassionate towards others."

"Strengths: Outgoing, optimistic, personable, communicator, dreamer, responsive, warm, friendly, talkative, enthusiastic, compassionate.

Weaknesses: Undisciplined, unproductive, exaggerative, egocentric, unstable, struggle with follow-through, impulsive, needs social approval, easily offended."

The Center for Relationship Education adds, "Otters find it easy to be soft on people. It is also easy for them to be soft on problems. Otters need to learn to say ‘No’ and provide the hard-side balance of healthy boundary setting."

THE BEAVER

beaver, animal, personality type, snacks, cute Beaver enjoying a snack. Giphy GIF by San Diego Zoo Wildlife Alliance

These are our go-tos for decisive, detail-oriented people who actually enjoy structure and routine. "Beavers tend to be cautious and risk-averse, preferring to follow established procedures rather than taking chances. They are also known for their analytical skills and ability to organize complex information. However, they may struggle with flexibility and creativity, and may sometimes be perceived as overly critical."

"Strengths: Analytical, thorough, decision-maker, deliberate, self-disciplined, industrious, organized, aesthetic, sacrificing.

Weaknesses: Moody, self-centered, touchy, negative, unsociable, critical, revengeful."

The educational handout adds that in terms of relationships, "Beavers are good listeners, communicate details, and are usually diplomatic."

THE GOLDEN RETRIEVER

dog, golden retriever, personality quiz, loyalty Golden Retriever adorably looks up. Giphy GIF by WoofWaggers

These are our loyal, dependable friends/lovers. "They also tend to avoid conflict and prioritize maintaining harmony in their relationships. However, they may struggle with making decisions and taking action, and may sometimes come across as passive or indifferent."

"Strengths: Calm, supportive, agreeable, easy-going, loyal, dependable, quiet, objective, diplomatic, humorous, values relationships, stable and consistent.

Weaknesses: Selfish, stingy, indirect with others, resists change, procrastinator, unmotivated, lacks initiative, indecisive, fearful, worrier, can be co-dependent."

The Center for Relationship Education notes, "Goldens’ strong tendency toward the soft-side of love can lead to issues of co-dependence and enabling. Goldens need to learn to balance their natural soft-side with some hard-side qualities."

As with most quizzes like these, most of us are a combination of traits not easily put into labeled boxes. If nothing else, it's a creative way to get people thinking about how they interact with one another in a variety of situations. (Which is totally something a golden retriever like me would say.)

This article originally appeared last year

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names
@sarahwithscrubs/TikTok, used with permission

Honestly, most of us would have reacted this way.

It started like any ordinary pharmacy errand. A Michigan woman named Sarah was waiting at CVS to pick up a prescription for her “son.” When another woman waiting in line overheard the name of her “son,” she apparently couldn’t help but let out an unsolicited opinion.

“You’ll really name your son anything, huh?” the woman said with a sigh.


The name in question? Whiskey.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names At least it wasn't Bubbles. Photo credit: Canva

Now, if you’re picturing a tiny human in a onesie named after your dad’s favorite Friday-night drink, and feeling a little baffled in the process, don’t worry. So was everyone else.

Except Whiskey isn’t a little boy. He’s a red golden retriever.

Yep. Sarah’s “son” is of the four-legged variety, currently undergoing cancer treatments and racking up a pharmacy bill that could rival a small country’s GDP. She and her husband get his prescriptions filled at their local CVS because (fun fact) many human and animal meds are the same, just at different doses.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this. media4.giphy.com

As Sarah explained to Newsweek, this strategy saves them a few bucks, but can certainly lead to some incredible misunderstandings.

In her TikTok video, which has now been watched over 3 million times, Sarah retold this CVS name-shaming incident, and viewers collectively lost it.

@sarahwithscrubs I should’ve thrown in I was picking up his cancer meds too lol 🤭😂 #fyp #foryoupage #storytime #dogs #smallcreator ♬ original sound - sarah renee

One commenter shared, “I was shaming you too until you said dog!” Another wrote, “I mean, Whiskey is a horrible name for a child 😂 But for a dog? Okay lol.”

However, a few folks came to Sarah’s defense. One person noted, “There are women named Brandi—what’s wrong with Whiskey?” Another admitted, “in my 49 years I didn't know CVS filled pet meds!"

It’s the kind of mix-up that reminds us how funny life can be when the human and animal worlds collide. Because let’s face it: Whiskey the dog? Adorable. Whiskey the toddler? Maybe… less so. It might be a mostly unspoken rule, but a rule nonetheless.

As for what became of that misunderstanding, Sarah shared that when the other woman called Whiskey a "horrible" name for a child to grow up with that could lead to getting bullied in school, Sarah quipped back with "Well, he's a dog. So I don't think so." Upon that realization, Sarah told Newsweek that she “apologized very nicely” once she learned that Whiskey was, in fact, a dog.

As Sarah put it, the stranger “just left in a hurry, probably to think about her actions later.”

Meanwhile, TikTok is still chuckling, and celebrating one very good boy with a name that fits him perfectly.

Moral of the story: some names are meant for baby humans, like Zach or Emma. Others are for the fur babies who greet you at the door with a wagging tail and oodles of love…like Whiskey. 🐾🥃

This article originally appeared last year