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Kevin Spacey chose a pretty terrible moment to come out as a gay man.

There's never a bad time to start living your truth as an LGBTQ person. But, as actor Kevin Spacey's watershed coming-out moment shows, there are certainly some not great times to share that news with the public — like, for instance, when you're protecting yourself against allegations you molested a teenager.

Photo by Christopher Polk/Getty Images.

On Oct. 29, actor Anthony Rapp alleged Spacey had made unwanted sexual advances toward him when Rapp was a minor.

More than three decades ago, when Rapp and Spacey were both working on Broadway productions, Spacey had invited Rapp over to his apartment for a party. After the other guests had left, "[Spacey] picked Rapp up, placed him on his bed, and climbed on top of him, making a sexual advance," Rapp told BuzzFeed News.

Spacey would have been 26 years old at the time. Rapp was just 14.

Anthony Rapp. Photo by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images.

Spacey, who didn't dispute Rapp's recollection of the incident, apologized in a statement Sunday night.

"I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago," Spacey wrote, blaming any misconduct on "drunken behavior."

https://t.co/X6ybi5atr5
— Kevin Spacey (@Kevin Spacey) 1509336019

Spacey also chose to come out as gay in the very same statement — a move the LGBTQ community is not thrilled about.

"As the closest to me know, in my life I have had relationships with both men and women," Spacey wrote. "I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man."

Normally, yes, coming out should be celebrated. But Spacey's decision to note he's part of the LGBTQ community in the same breath as he was deflecting allegations of sexual misconduct toward a minor was, as actor and comedian Billy Eichner wrote, "a bad time to come out."

— (@)

Intentional or not, Spacey's statement could conflate being LGBTQ with being a sexual predator.

Many queer activists, like comedian Cameron Esposito, felt the need to make it crystal clear: Those two things are not the same.

Just wanna be really fucking clear that being gay has nothing to do w/ going after underage folks
— Cameron Esposito (@Cameron Esposito) 1509337536

The LGBTQ community has been fighting the myth that queer people are a danger to kids for decades.

According to the Southern Poverty Law Center, the idea that gay men are more likely to prey on children is one of the most pervasive and harmful myths associated with queer men. Leaning heavily on debunked "science," anti-LGBTQ advocates have (often successfully) pushed this backward narrative into the forays of public debate and politics. The late singer turned activist Anita Bryant, for instance, fought to overturn a Dade County, Florida, ordinance barring discrimination of gay people in 1977 by asserting LGBTQ people were a threat to children. She won.

As film critic Richard Lawson alluded, it's shameful political victories like Bryant's that illustrate why conflating queerness with predatory behavior is so dangerous.

Coming out as a gay man is not the same thing as coming out as someone who preyed on a 14-year-old. Conflating those things is disgusting
— Richard Lawson (@Richard Lawson) 1509337386

This exposes the gay community to a million tired old criticisms and conspiracies.
— Richard Lawson (@Richard Lawson) 1509337625

Spacey's statement, muddying the waters between his life as a gay man, drunken behavior, and sexual predation, adds fuel to the fire for homophobes hungry for any anecdote that could be twisted to prove their point.

If you want to celebrate Spacey for finally coming out of the closet — just remember he could've done so at any time, in any way. He chose to do so now, in response to these allegations, and in a way that risks massive negative repercussions for the rest of the LGBTQ community. This story should be one about sexual assault and how to prevent it — not a famous actor's sexual orientation.

Connections Academy

Parenting

Finding hope, healing and help to support youth mental health

Connections Academy

Wylee Mitchell is a senior at Nevada Connections Academy who started a t-shirt company to raise awareness for mental health.

True

Teens of today live in a totally different world than the one their parents grew up in. Not only do young people have access to technologies that previous generations barely dreamed of, but they're also constantly bombarded with information from the news and media.

Today’s youth are also living through a pandemic that has created an extra layer of difficulty to an already challenging age—and it has taken a toll on their mental health.

According to Mental Health America, nearly 14% of youths ages 12 to 17 experienced a major depressive episode in the past year. In a September 2020 survey of high schoolers by Active Minds, nearly 75% of respondents reported an increase in stress, anxiety, sadness and isolation during the first six months of the pandemic. And in a Pearson and Connections Academy survey of US parents, 66% said their child felt anxious or depressed during the pandemic.

However, the pandemic has only exacerbated youth mental health issues that were already happening before COVID-19.

“Many people associate our current mental health crisis with the pandemic,” says Morgan Champion, the head of counseling services for Connections Academy Schools. “In fact, the youth mental health crisis was alarming and on the rise before the pandemic. Today, the alarm continues.”

Mental Health America reports that most people who take the organization’s online mental health screening test are under 18. According to the American Psychiatric Association, about 50% of cases of mental illness begin by age 14, and the tendency to develop depression and bipolar disorder nearly doubles from age 13 to age 18.

Such statistics demand attention and action, which is why experts say destigmatizing mental health and talking about it is so important.

“Today we see more people talking about mental health openly—in a way that is more akin to physical health,” says Champion. She adds that mental health support for young people is being more widely promoted, and kids and teens have greater access to resources, from their school counselors to support organizations.

Parents are encouraging this support too. More than two-thirds of American parents believe children should be introduced to wellness and mental health awareness in primary or middle school, according to a new Global Learner Survey from Pearson. Since early intervention is key to helping young people manage their mental health, these changes are positive developments.

In addition, more and more people in the public eye are sharing their personal mental health experiences as well, which can help inspire young people to open up and seek out the help they need.

“Many celebrities and influencers have come forward with their mental health stories, which can normalize the conversation, and is helpful for younger generations to understand that they are not alone,” says Champion.

That’s one reason Connections Academy is hosting a series of virtual Emotional Fitness talks with Olympic athletes who are alums of the virtual school during Mental Health Awareness Month. These talks are free, open to the public and include relatable topics such as success and failure, leadership, empowerment and authenticity. For instance, on May 18, Olympic women’s ice hockey player Lyndsey Fry will speak on finding your own style of confidence, and on May 25, Olympic figure skater Karen Chen will share advice for keeping calm under pressure.

Family support plays a huge role as well. While the pandemic has been challenging in and of itself, it has actually helped families identify mental health struggles as they’ve spent more time together.

“Parents gained greater insight into their child’s behavior and moods, how they interact with peers and teachers,” says Champion. “For many parents this was eye-opening and revealed the need to focus on mental health.”

It’s not always easy to tell if a teen is dealing with normal emotional ups and downs or if they need extra help, but there are some warning signs caregivers can watch for.

“Being attuned to your child’s mood, affect, school performance, and relationships with friends or significant others can help you gauge whether you are dealing with teenage normalcy or something bigger,” Champion says. Depending on a child’s age, parents should be looking for the following signs, which may be co-occurring:

Perpetual depressed mood
Rocky friend relationships
Spending a lot of time alone and refusing to participate in daily activities
Too much or not enough sleep
Not eating a regular diet
Intense fear or anxiety
Drug or alcohol use
Suicidal ideation (talking about being a burden or giving away possessions) or plans

“You know your child best. If you are unsure if your child is having a rough time or if there is something more serious going on, it is best to reach out to a counselor or doctor to be sure,” says Champion. “Always err on the side of caution.”

If it appears a student does need help, what next? Talking to a school counselor can be a good first step, since they are easily accessible and free to visit.

“Just getting students to talk about their struggles with a trusted adult is huge,” says Champion. “When I meet with students and/or their families, I work with them to help identify the issues they are facing. I listen and recommend next steps, such as referring families to mental health resources in their local areas.”

Just as parents would take their child to a doctor for a sprained ankle, they shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help if a child is struggling mentally or emotionally. Parents also need to realize that they may not be able to help them on their own, no matter how much love and support they have to offer.

“That is a hard concept to accept when parents can feel solely responsible for their child’s welfare and well-being,” says Champion. “The adage still stands—it takes a village to raise a child. Be sure you are surrounding yourself and your child with a great support system to help tackle life’s many challenges.”

That village can include everyone from close family to local community members to public figures. Helping young people learn to manage their mental health is a gift we can all contribute to, one that will serve them for a lifetime.

Join athletes, Connections Academy and Upworthy for candid discussions on mental health during Mental Health Awareness Month. Learn more and find resources here.

From Your Site Articles

Jimmy Fallon had people share their worst car stories and they are hilariously relatable

Whatever gets us from A to B, right?

That first car is a rite of passage into adulthood. Specifically, the hard-earned lesson of expectations versus reality. Though some of us are blessed with Teslas at 17, most teenagers receive a car that’s been … let’s say previously loved. And that’s probably a good thing, considering nearly half of first-year drivers end up in wrecks. Might as well get the dings on the lemon, right?

Of course, wrecks aside, buying a used car might end up costing more in the long run after needing repairs, breaking down and just a general slew of unexpected surprises. But hey, at least we can all look back and laugh.

My first car, for example, was a hand-me-down Toyota of some sort from my mother. I don’t recall the specific model, but I definitely remember getting into a fender bender within the first week of having it. She had forgotten to get the brakes fixed … isn’t that a fun story?

Jimmy Fallon recently asked his “Tonight Show” audience on Twitter to share their own worst car experiences. Some of them make my brake fiasco look like cakewalk (or cakedrive, in this case). Either way, these responses might make us all feel a little less alone. Or at the very least, give us a chuckle.

Here are 22 responses with the most horsepower:

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smile worthy

Democracy

Starbucks joins growing list of employers covering travel expenses for reproductive care

Photo by TR on Unsplash

Companies and organizations are on the side of their employees in light of stricter abortion laws.

The leak from the Supreme Court about overturning Roe v. Wade caused many people with uteruses to go into a tailspin. People began scheduling appointments for long-term birth control. Some opted for permanent birth control. Others stocked up on Plan B or called in preemptive prescriptions for the abortion pill mifepristone. In addition to making tangible plans for what the future might hold in some of these trigger states, people took to the streets to make their voices heard. Protests were held across America against the proposed overturning of Roe v. Wade, which protects people’s right to abortion under the 14th Amendment.

People are also organizing over social media. They’re helping locate nonprofits that will help cover the cost of travel from a restricted state to states where abortion will remain legal. Secret Facebook groups are popping up to help arrange transportation and accommodations for those who need access to safe reproductive care. People are coming together in ways you see in movies, all in an effort to prevent inevitable deaths that would occur if people attempt home abortions. It’s both heartwarming and heart-wrenching that this is something that needs to be done at all. It doesn’t stop with determined activists and housewives across the country, this fiery spirit has reached corporations as well.