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mental illness

Man recognizes homeless cousin while feeding stray dogs

Many people who find themselves homeless for extended periods of time are often also living with a severe mental health condition. This can make it harder for them to find a job, keep up with bills and maintain familiar connections especially if they're unmedicated which often occurs due to loss of insurance connected to employment.

Homelessness doesn't mean a person is unworthy of love or that their family and friends aren't concerned for their safety. Sometimes their loved ones simply don't know where to look for them once they're no longer in the vicinity. Jeff Benardi runs the YouTube channel The Furry Pilot Diner where he goes around caring for stray dogs and making sure the dogs of houseless individuals have food.

On one of his recent missions to feed dogs, he ran across Michael J., a homeless man that recognized Benardi as his cousin. Michael's reaction took Benardi by surprise at first as the man was so excited that he recognized someone from his past that he had difficulty verbalizing what he was trying to say.

a man pushing a cart full of bags down a street Photo by Etienne Girardet on Unsplash

After introducing himself as Jeff, the man excitedly says, "Jeff Benardi," and begins shouting and jumping in place as Benardi asks how he knows his name. That's when Michael breaks the news, "we're cousins," which clearly confused the good samaritan. You can hear the confusion in his voice as he clarifies. Suddenly it was like Michael remembered everything at once as he tries to explain their connection.

"Oh my God! We went to Reed High School," he shouts before Benardi confirms he went to the school in 1986. "Listen, we used to go fishing, we used to drink Bud...no not Bud. No it's the other one. It's a cheap beer. Name another one...Keystone. We used to go fishing. I...we...we worked at the Clarkson Company."


It's then you can hear the recognition hit Benardi's voice when he confirms he worked at Clarkson as well. Michael continued to stumble over his words trying to get out more information to prove they knew each other but Bernardi cuts him off to ask for a hug. The moving video is cut short, presumably due to overwhelming emotions as you can hear Benardi's voice cracking towards the end of the exchange. But that wasn't the end, Benardi has been staying in touch with Michael trying to get him off the streets.

In one of his first update videos, he thought he had lost Michael after the police cleared out the encampment where the man was sleeping. After some searching, he was able to locate him sleeping on a couch outside. Michael became emotional when Benardi asks if he's tried homeless shelters saying, "yeah, I don't want to go to a shelter I just want my family."


In another update Benardi writes, "Today I am trying to locate family for Michael. We were childhood friends and my family loved him so we always called ourselves cousins. I love this guy! I tried bringing him to my house and he mentally was not prepared and melted down insisting I brought him back to this location until his family showed up."

Benardi admits he's out of his depth with trying to help his friend but is determined to help him and will keep showing up for as long as he needs to. It seems as though Michael may be struggling with a mental health condition as he appears to drift in and out of reality, but that doesn't stop his cousin from trying to help. Benardi's followers were able to donate enough money to get Michael a phone so he could stay in touch and hopefully reach his family, which is exactly what can now happen.


According to a commenter, they're Michael's brother and after seeing the video are actively trying to help him as well, writing in part, "I found my Brother today. Unfortunately he did not want my help. He was staying near my cousins house and they would check in on him everyday. His mind is pretty messed up. He is on his way back to our mother's house. So hopefully he will chill out for a few days."

All of that from a chance encounter with someone that jogged a 25 year plus memory. Sometimes the power of social media can feel surreal. Michael says he hasn't seen his family in years and is obviously seeking familial connection. Hopefully once he is reacclimated to interacting with others he will be able to get the help he needs to come back around fully, until that time Benardi and Michael's family will continue to look out for him to make sure he's safe and knows that he is loved.

"Run the dishwasher twice" might sound like strange mental health advice, but a viral post is proving that it's actually quite helpful.

Danielle Wunker, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Supervisor, shared a story on her Facebook page that is resonating with people who struggle with mental health issues. It originally came from an answer from Katie Scott on Quora to the question "Has a therapist ever told you something completely unexpected?"

It reads:

"When I was at one of my lowest (mental) points in life, I couldn't get out of bed some days. I had no energy or motivation and was barely getting by.

I had therapy once per week, and on this particular week I didn't have much to 'bring' to the session. He asked how my week was and I really had nothing to say.

'What are you struggling with?' he asked.

I gestured around me and said 'I dunno man. Life.'

Not satisfied with my answer, he said 'No, what exactly are you worried about right now? What feels overwhelming? When you go home after this session, what issue will be staring at you?'




man sitting on chair covering his eyes Photo by christopher lemercier on Unsplash



I knew the answer, but it was so ridiculous that I didn't want to say it. I wanted to have something more substantial.
Something more profound.

But I didn't.

So I told him, 'Honestly? The dishes. It's stupid, I know, but the more I look at them the more I CAN'T do them because I'll have to scrub them before I put them in the dishwasher, because the dishwasher sucks, and I just can't stand and scrub the dishes.'

I felt like an idiot even saying it.

What kind of grown ass woman is undone by a stack of dishes? There are people out there with *actual* problems, and I'm whining to my therapist about dishes?

But he nodded in understanding and then said:

'Run the dishwasher twice.'



File:Dishwasher with dishes.JPG - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

I began to tell him that you're not supposed to, but he stopped me.

'Why the hell aren't you supposed to? If you don't want to scrub the dishes and your dishwasher sucks, run it twice. Run it three times, who cares?! Rules do not exist.'

It blew my mind in a way that I don't think I can properly express.

That day, I went home and tossed my smelly dishes haphazardly into the dishwasher and ran it three times.

I felt like I had conquered a dragon.

The next day, I took a shower lying down.

A few days later. I folded my laundry and put them wherever the fuck they fit.

There were no longer arbitrary rules I had to follow, and it gave me the freedom to make accomplishments again.

Now that I'm in a healthier place, I rinse off my dishes and put them in the dishwasher properly. I shower standing up. I sort my laundry.

But at a time when living was a struggle instead of a blessing, I learned an incredibly important lesson:

There are no rules.

Run the dishwasher twice."



Anyone who has been in a mental or emotional place where even just the most basic, mundane tasks seem overwhelming understands the wisdom in this lesson. Dishes might seem like such a minor detail of life, but those kinds of minor details can be the straw that breaks the camel's back mentally. If you've never stared at a basket of laundry that would take three minutes to fold and thought, "Nope, can't do it. Not now. Maybe not ever..." then you may not need this lesson, but there are millions of people who appreciate the express permission to let go of the rules in our heads about how things have to be done.

Adjusting expectations and arbitrary ideas about how something works is incredibly freeing and can provide a seemingly temporary fix for a seemingly insurmountable problem. Oddly enough, though, that temporary fix can be the necessary bridge that gets someone from unable-to-cope-with-daily-life-things to functioning on a somewhat normal level.

Mental health is such a tricky thing to manage, and many of the tools for managing it run counter to what we might expect. That's what therapists are for—to help us step outside the box of our own brains, adjust our thoughts and behaviors to create greater possibilities for ourselves, and give us permission to reject the negative voices in our head try to keep us locked in unhelpful or unhealthy patterns.

Even when that unhelpful pattern is as simple as letting the dishes pile up instead of running the dishwasher twice.


This article originally appeared on 11.20.20

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Self-aware, diagnosed narcissist uses TikTok to share insider view of how narcissists function

Lee Hammock is on a mission to help people who have been victimized by people like himself.

Lee Hammock explains narcissism to help validate victims of narcissistic abuse.

Anyone who has found themselves in a relationship with a narcissist knows how confusing, disorienting or downright terrifying it can be.

There are conflicting statistics on what percent of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but it ranges anywhere from 1% to 6%. The average American knows 600 people, which means we all know at least a small handful of pathological narcissists personally.

But it's people who are in close relationships with narcissists who bear the brunt of their pathology. Whether you were raised by a narcissistic parent or fell in love with a narcissist, it's likely you've been abused by someone to feed their narcissistic needs.

NPD can be particularly challenging to treat because most narcissists will nor or cannot admit that anything is wrong with them. Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that most narcissists are actually aware that they are narcissists, but rather than see it as a problem, they embrace it and take pride in it. (Of course.)

However, a self-aware narcissist can get help through psychotherapy, if they are willing to do it. Since most don't see the problem, many won't. But many or even most isn't all, and one man is on a mission to use his Narcissistic Personality Disorder diagnosis for good.


Lee Hammock has been diagnosed with NPD and has been in psychotherapy for it since 2017. He calls himself a "self-aware" narcissist and uses social media—particularly TikTok—to share insider insights into a narcissist's brain. Hammock describes why he decided to share the ins and outs of his disorder:

"The point of these videos is to help bring awareness from the other side of the narcissistic abuse spectrum. All my videos give perspective on why many narcissists do what they do and the possible different reasons behind them. The victims and survivors get validation and the narcissists (those that are willing) get to see that you can get help and that you are not alone."

He explained how he ended up here:

@mentalhealness

Reply to @dubyuhbee hope this helps. I’m on a mission.

Hammock's videos speak for themselves. There are tons of them, and they give amazing insight into a narcissist's perspective from the point of view of a narcissist who actually works to understand and manage his own disorder. Here's a sampling:

@mentalhealness

Narcissists and toxic people move fast. Slow down and stop ignoring the red flags

@mentalhealness

Reply to @balushijam narcissist don’t want to see you happy with anyone else. They think they are the best you’re going to get #narcavengers

@mentalhealness

Narcissistic people would rather you leave than to work on any of their issues

@mentalhealness

Collab with @Nia Renee Narcissists like to play games with you in order to start arguments, throw you off or in order to play the hero. #narcavengers

@mentalhealness

Reply to @donna28c narcissist see any discussions about your feelings as criticism #narcavengers

@mentalhealness

Reply to @meowmeow2342 narcissist have limited emotional capacity and the people closest to us get treated the worst #narcissist #ITriedItIPrimedIt

@mentalhealness

Sometimes we are the issue. Therapy helps #npd #narcissism #narctok #narcs #narc #narcissist

@mentalhealness

It’s never a good time to finish a conversation or argument with a narcissist. Leaving things unfinished causes them buildup #ShowUsYourDrawers #narcs #npd

He even weighed in on the Kanye West situation, not diagnosing West with NPD, but explaining how his actions are right out of the narcissistic playbook.

@mentalhealness

I’m not saying he’s a narcissist, but if he isssssss Kayne is definitely taking things to a narcissistic obsessive level #kayne #kanyewest #kimkardashian

Hammock has been honest about the fact that that making and sharing these videos and getting likes on them actually feeds his narcissistic ego, but it's a healthy turning of the tables on the disorder.

And it really is serving a need. If you read through the comments on Hammock's videos, the most common response is recognition. So many people have interacted with narcissists and see those interactions in these videos, which is both validating and relieving. People who have been victims of narcissistic abuse are not alone, and Hammock helps them see that. He even helps people who might be narcissists themselves maybe—maybe—become more self-aware that their personality disorder is something that needs management.

You can find Hammock's videos on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube.


This article originally appeared on 3.23.22

Mental Health

The danger of high-functioning depression as told by a college student

Overachievers can struggle with mental health issues, too.


I first saw a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression as a junior in high school.

During her evaluation, she asked about my coursework. I told her that I had a 4.0 GPA and had filled my schedule with pre-AP and AP classes. A puzzled look crossed her face. She asked about my involvement in extracurricular activities. As I rattled off the long list of groups and organizations I was a part of, her frown creased further.


Finally, she set down her pen and looked at me, saying something along the lines of "You seem to be pretty high-functioning, but your anxiety and depression seem pretty severe. Actually, it's teens like you who scare me a lot."


Now I was confused. What was scary about my condition? From the outside, I was functioning like a perfectly "normal" teenager. In fact, I was somewhat of an overachiever.

I was working through my mental illnesses and I was succeeding, so what was the problem?

I left that appointment with a prescription for Lexapro and a question that I would continue to think about for years. The answer didn't hit me all at once.

Instead, it came to me every time I heard a suicide story on the news saying, "By all accounts, they were living the perfect life."

It came to me as I crumbled under pressure over and over again, doing the bare minimum I could to still meet my definition of success.

It came to me as I began to share my story and my illness with others, and I was met with reactions of "I had no idea" and "I never would have known." It's easy to put depression into a box of symptoms.

lighted candles on man's hand lying on the floorPhoto by Fernando @cferdophotography on Unsplash

Even though we're often told that mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes, I think we're still stuck with certain "stock images" of mental health in our heads.

When we see depression and anxiety in adolescents, we see teens struggling to get by in their day-to-day lives. We see grades dropping, and we see involvement replaced by isolation. But it doesn't always look like this.

And when we limit our idea of mental illness, at-risk people slip through the cracks.

We don't see the student with the 4.0 GPA or the student who's active in choir and theater or a member of the National Honor Society or the ambitious teen who takes on leadership roles in a religious youth group.

person holding white printer paperPhoto by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

No matter how many times we are reminded that mental illness doesn't discriminate, we revert back to a narrow idea of how it should manifest, and that is dangerous.

Recognizing this danger is what helped me find the answer to my question.

Watching person after person — myself included — slip under the radar of the "depression detector" made me realize where that fear comes from. My psychiatrist knew the list of symptoms, and she knew I didn't necessarily fit them. She understood it was the reason that, though my struggles with mental illness began at age 12, I didn't come to see her until I was 16.

If we keep allowing our perception of what mental illness looks like to dictate how we go about recognizing and treating it, we will continue to overlook people who don't fit the mold.

We cannot keep forgetting that there are people out there who, though they may not be able to check off every symptom on the list, are heavily and negatively affected by their mental illness. If we forget, we allow their struggle to continue unnoticed, and that is pretty scary.


This article was written by Amanda Leventhal and originally appeared on 06.03.16