There’s nothing more wonderful than being in the throes of falling in love with someone new. It feels like your senses are constantly heightened. Your stomach aches when they’re not around and you hope they’re thinking about you every moment of the day.
Falling in love is a truly wonderful feeling. However, that feeling of euphoria is temporary. The key is being able to take that exciting beginning and turn it into a loving relationship.
Unfortunately, not everyone who sparks those incredible feelings, in the beginning, winds up being a healthy partner long-term.
Therapist Jeff Guenther believes that a lot of the behaviors that will take a relationship from the beginning infatuation phase to something lasting are pretty counter-intuitive.
Guenther is the co-founder of TherapyDen, a platform where people can find therapists for a wide variety of counseling needs.
Guenther shared three important things people shouldn’t do when they feel that they’re falling in love on TikTok recently. His thoughts must have really connected with people because the video has been seen over 2.8 million times.
1. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re actually in love
Guenther believes that even though the feelings are there, true love comes after you’ve seen all of the person’s foibles and still care enough to stick around. “Once you see how dumb and annoying they are, and you still think that you’re head over heels in love, then you’re more likely actually in love,” he says.
The therapist has a great point here. How many times do two people appear to be deeply in love only to have things blow up overnight after the first fight?
2. Don’t move fast
Even though you want to see this person every day of your life, Guenther thinks you should dial it back a bit. “See them up to two or three times during the week,” he says. He believes that by taking it easy in the beginning, you put yourself in a better position for things to work out long-term.
“Relationships start out hot and heavy, you have a tendency to crash and burn if you say ‘fuck it’ and spend every day with them,” he says.
3. Don’t make any big decisions
“You think you’re in love, you think they’re the one. And you decide to move in or quit school or follow their band,” he says. “Please don’t make big decisions at the start.”
Guenther makes a great point here as well. At the beginning of a relationship, we are so amped up on hormones and chemicals that we’re bound to make some bad decisions. A new relationship means a lot of new opportunities, but it’s best not to make any drastic decisions until the relationship has matured to the point where both people are level-headed.
The bigger point that Guenther appears to make in his video is that love is more of an action than a feeling. Sure, in the beginning, we can get overwhelmed by the feelings we have for a new love interest. However, everyone that’s been in a relationship that’s lasted over a decade knows that true love is more about paying attention, anticipating people’s needs, enjoying the simple things, and putting the other person first than being overwhelmed by passion.
