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getting older

Time is really all about perception.

You're scrolling along, minding your own business on the internet, when this little chestnut comes across your timeline: "1980 and 2023 are as far apart as 1937 and 1980. Sleep tight, old fogies!"

Wait, what? Your first reaction is, "That can't be right," so you pull out the calculator and do the math yourself—several times because you're sure you must've missed a number somewhere each time. You remember how long ago 1937 seemed in 1980, and there's absolutely no way that much time passed between 1980 and 2023. Buy you're wrong. As the warped reality of time washes over you, you sit in stunned silence, contemplating the existential crisis you've just been thrown into.

Why does time work this way? Why does it seem to get faster and faster and condense to make decades seem shorter and shorter as we age? And perhaps more importantly, how the heck do we stop time from feeling like a runaway freight train?

Here are a few theories about what creates the freight train phenomenon and what to do about it.

Time perception is relative—and kids perceive it differently

"Time flies when you're having fun" is a saying for a reason. Time also drags when you're doing drudgery work and feels like it stands still in moments of significance. And yet the ticking of seconds as they go by doesn't change tempo. We measure it with steady, unchanging beats, but how it feels changes constantly.

kids playing, time passing, perception of timeTime moves more slowly for kids.Photo credit: Canva

This relativity exists in every passing moment, but it also exists in the bigger picture as well. The years felt like they passed by much more slowly when we were children, and by middle age, they feel like they pass in the blink of an eye. The pandemic gave us an even greater sense of this relativity as disruptions to our normal routines and the stress associated with the COVID-19 years messed with our sense of time. (On an odd side note, surveys show that our time perception during the pandemic varied a lot from place to place—people in some parts of the world felt that time moved more slowly, while others felt time moved more quickly.)

According to a 2023 Hungarian study published in Nature Scientific Reports, very young children perceive time differently than older children and adults. Researchers split 138 people into three age groups—pre-kindergarten, school-age and adults 18 and over—and showed them two videos of the same duration, one that was "eventful" and one that was "uneventful." Interestingly, the pre-K group perceived the eventful video to be longer, while the older children and adults saw the uneventful video as longer.

The way the study participants described the length of the videos in gestures was also telling. Young children were much more likely to use vertical hand gestures, connoting volume or magnitude, to indicate a length of time than the other two age groups. School-aged kids and adults tended to use horizontal gestures, indicating time as linear, increasing with age.

Our neural processing slows down as we age

Professor Adrian Bejan has a theory based on how neurons process signals. As we age, our neural networks increase in size and complexity and, as a result, process visual information at a slower rate. That slower processing means we create fewer mental images each second than we did when we were younger, thereby making time seem to slow down.

time, time perception, science of time, aging, neural processing, youth, lifespans, female aging, woman's face over the yearsA woman slowly ages over about 15 years.assets.rebelmouse.io

“People are often amazed at how much they remember from days that seemed to last forever in their youth, Bejan shared with Harvard University. "It’s not that their experiences were much deeper or more meaningful; it’s just that they were being processed in rapid fire.”

In other words, processing the same number of mental images we did in our youth takes longer now, somewhat counterintuitively making time seem to pass more quickly. So goes the theory, anyway.

It might simply be about time-to-life ratios

Another popular theory about why time feels different as a child than it does as an adult is the ratio of any given day, week or year to the amount of time we've been alive. To a 5-year-old, a year is 20% of their entire life. For a 50-year-old, a year only is 0.2% of their life, so it feels like it went by much more quickly.

hands, clocks, passage of time, age aging, old age, time perception, time fliesAn elderly person's hands holding a small clock.Photo credit: Canva

It's also a matter of how much change has happened in that year. A year in the life of a 5-year-old is full of rapid growth and change and learning and development. A year in the life of a 50-year-old probably isn't a whole lot different than when they were 48 or 49. Even if there are major life changes, the middle-aged brain isn't evolving at nearly the same rate as a child. A 50-year-old looking back at the past year will have a lot fewer changes to process than a 5-year-old, therefore the year will seems like it went by a lot faster.

“Our perception of days, weeks, years and that kind of time seems to be especially influenced by our perspective: Are we in the moment experiencing it, or are we looking backward on time?” psychology professor Cindy Lustig told the University of Michigan.

The key to slowing it all down? Be mindful of the present moment.

Lustig has a point. When we are in the moment, our perception of time is much different than when we look back. So, being fully conscious in the present moment can help us rein in the freight train effect.

One way to do that is to be mindful of your physical existence in this moment. Feel your heart beating. Feel your breath going in and out. Cornell University psychology professor Adam Anderson, Ph.D., conducted a study that found our perception of time may be linked with the length of our heartbeats. (Study participants were fitted with electrocardiograms and asked to listen to a brief audio tone. They perceived the tone as longer after a longer heartbeat and shorter after a shorter one.) He suggests starting a stopwatch, closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing for what you think feels like a minute. Then, check your time to see how accurate your estimation was.

Breathe World Series GIF by MLBGiphy

“This can give you a sense of how much your experience of your body is related to your experience of time,” Anderson told WebMD. “It will help teach you to enjoy the pure experience of time.”

You can also use focused breathing to purposely slow down your heart rate, and thus slow down your time perception. “We show that slow heart rates—that is, a longer duration between heartbeats—dilates time, slowing it down," Anderson said.

We can also alter our perception of time by taking in novel experiences, such as traveling to new places. According to Steve Taylor, author of Making Time: Why Time Seems To Pass at Different Speeds and How to Control It, people who go on adventurous trips report that their vacations feel longer than those who choose a predictable destination. You can also make small changes to your daily routine, such as trying new foods or taking a new route home from work to take in some new stimuli and slow your perception of time.

A study in 2024 found that people who do intense exercise experience a time warp, feeling like they exercised longer than they really did, so if you want to temporarily slow down time, you can push your body hard during a workout.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Finally, try to take in the world the way you did as a small child. Take note of life's wonders. Engage fully in whatever you're doing. Notice details and take mental pictures as much as you can. Time goes by fast when we're distracted, so training our attention on the here and now can help. Ultimately, we can strive to perceive time more like we did when we were little, in its full depth and magnitude instead of a narrow, straight line.

This article originally appeared last year.

Surface beauty comes with its own down sides.

Humans have long made much ado about beauty, so much so that the word has become loaded with pressures, especially for women. In addition to inspiring painters and poets, beauty is now a billion-dollar industry filled with countless beauty products peddled by beauty influencers that we have to contend with.

Who's considered "beautiful" is quite subjective, but some people are just universally attractive. Women in particular may spend a lot of time and money to enhance or create their beauty and some simply have naturally beautiful features. But regardless of how they got there, we've all known (and often envied) women who turn heads when they walk into a room.

We also know that kind of beauty comes with a certain kind of power to attract and influence. But what about when that surface beauty starts fading with age? What happens when the supple skin starts shriveling, full pouts thin out, perimenopause weight hits and women who were once considered young and beautiful no longer turn heads?


Someone asked the AskOldPeople Reddit group, "If you were beautiful when you were younger, what has it been like to lose its power?" and many of the answers were unexpectedly empowering. Rather than being sad about losing their looks, so many women have found being not young and beautiful anymore freeing. Here are some of the most popular responses:

"Better to lose my looks than my brains, or my compassion, or my curiosity. I had my 'hot girl' phase. It was fun but it was nothing to build a life around."

"I’ve likened it to driving a fancy car. Fun, but hardly life changing. And TBH there’s a certain comfort to the anonymity of late-middle-age. I don’t miss the leers and the low-grade-ever-present-threat associated with being young and beautiful."

"48 year old woman here and completely invisible to the majority of society. I love it! It's been the most freeing thing in the world!!"

"Yes! Freedom is the first word I think of about this."

"Yes!! Totally agree! I used to get a lot of attention and couldn't even have conversations with men without them thinking it was some sort of invitation. I was that combo of good looking but not too good looking and a friendly personality. Now I get very little attention from men and dang is it nice. It's less about losing looks I think and more about losing youth. I am now in my early 40s and by far the happiest, most comfortable I've ever been."

"And the sheer confidence that comes with the years and not giving a rip anymore is just 🤌chef’s kiss*. I love my 40’s. You put an obstacle in front of a group of 40 year old women, get back cause we’re tearing it apart. We get shit done and don’t give a an f who’s in our way. It feels a bit like a super power to be honest. Give that back for the youthful beauty of my 20’s? Pffffttrtttt hail nah."

"Another middle aged woman here, chiming in to agree that it's awesome to be invisible to the type of men that can't leave young, attractive women alone."

"Well said! It's been wonderful to just slowly disappear into the background."

"Omg I love being invisible! It is like a superpower. I was very pretty when younger, and now I don’t have to be self conscious bc no one is staring."

"Truth! It’s been like gaining a superpower for me!"

"Yes, while some of my peers were complaining about becoming invisible, I have found it very freeing."

"I still feel great and I no longer have to make conversation with random dudes who feel entitled to my time."

"Exactly! I joke that now that I look like an older mom or grandma, I can be friendly and nice without having to worry about the result. No more weird stalker responses, no more harassment for my phone number and then being called a bitch. I can just respond how I want….use the term honey….whatever….get that extra service because everyone likes mommy love….with no ick to worry about."

"Liberating! Yeah sure now and then it’s … I’m trying to think of a word but honestly it doesn’t bother me. I love it in fact. I like blending in with the crowd. I like not being singled out and hassled and burdened with other people's desires or being accused of being in love with someone’s boyfriend just because perhaps I was a bit too vivacious."

"I once sat next to a beautiful girl after dancing at EDC and asked her if she ever thought her beauty at times was a burden. She told me that she felt like she lost female friendships because some of her friends thought that she was trying to sleep with their boyfriends. She said she felt lonely and just wanted to be friends — and that part of it was very unfair to her."

"I think with age the focus moves from external validation to internal validation from the self. A kind of inner beauty radiates outward from that deep self acceptance. When I was young and aesthetically pleasing to the world, I enhanced my youthful beauty, unnecessarily with all the cosmetic accoutrements I was brainwashed into believing were needed to feel worthy of the male gaze. Now, in my wizened self I feel a confidence in my beauty that transcends aesthetics. I no longer care for the male gaze, nor do I seek it. I have become worthy of more than that, even without enhancement."

"It’s a slow process. You don’t notice day to day. When it finally happens you’re old enough to understand that beauty is just a creation. You’ll always be beautiful to those who love you."

"Back it up with knowledge, skills, experience, wisdom so when your beauty fades, you will have a soft cushion to land on. That's what I did, and it works."

"I am still a good looking person. But I've noticed that...

1) the people my age who will be attracted to me are also older and they learned a long time ago that certain things ain't gonna fly like they did 20 or 30 years ago.
2) the power of being pretty is dependent on other people being brainlessly susceptible to pretty. Older, wiser people place value on things beyond just a pretty face so it's going to take more than that to get any special treatment.
3) my personality and confidence have always yielded the most power."

"There’s a whole bunch of power in knowing who you are what you’ve accomplished and being happy with yourself and your life. That’s 100 times more powerful than turning a few heads. Everyone grows older, everyone has their looks fade to a certain extent, but what’s inside you is what makes you powerful. This you never lose.

Be a good person of character and you will always have the power."

"I think with age the focus moves from external validation to internal validation from the self. A kind of inner beauty radiates outward from that deep self acceptance. When I was young and aesthetically pleasing to the world, I enhanced my youthful beauty, unnecessarily with all the cosmetic accoutrements I was brainwashed into believing were needed to feel worthy of the male gaze. Now, in my wizened self I feel a confidence in my beauty that transcends aesthetics. I no longer care for the male gaze, nor do I seek it. I have become worthy of more than that, even without enhancement."

Of course, some people have had a harder time with losing their surface beauty than others, for various reasons. But everyone learns at some point that looks aren't something to create your personality around or rely on for attention or connection with people. As one woman wrote:

"I was sad to become invisible in my 40s. In my 50s, I upped my game (clothes, shoes, got an actual haircut) and became visible again. I didn’t regain the power of beauty, but at least I was visible. I was a bit sad about it. People didn’t think I was so fascinating anymore. I realized that maybe I never was, but people wanted to talk to me because of how I looked. Oh well. It was nice while it lasted. But it’s ultimately superficial."

It may sound cliche, but true beauty really does comes from within. "Pretty privilege" has both its benefits and its pitfalls, but one of the life lessons that comes with age is that inner beauty only has upsides and gets better as you age. If you focus on enhancing your true self instead of being overly concerned about how you look, aging out of youthful beauty can be liberating and empowering.

Internet

Millennials bond over these 16 'old people hills' they'd gladly die on

Long live skinny jeans, laptops for big purchases and using your blinker!

Maybe we're getting old, but that doesn't mean we're wrong.

There comes a point in every adult’s life when suddenly everything younger generations are doing seems baffling, if not downright annoying. You’re convinced that the ways things were done back in your day were better, and, of course, you’re gonna complain a bit.

And that’s when the harsher reality sets in—you’re old.

But don’t fret. After all, getting older is a gift not given to everyone. Plus, you won’t be alone in your grumblings. Especially when we’ve got the internet.

Recently, someone by the username @Thel200ster recently asked millennials on Reddit to name their “old person hill” they’d gladly die on.

The OP started with text message “reactions,” which have apparently ”gotten so out of hand.”


They continued, “Younger people I text seem to think you have to attach a reaction to every text message, be it a haha, a heart, a thumbs up, a !!, or what have you. It’s gotten to the point that I’m worried about people thinking I’m rude for not using them.

But they suck. My ‘reaction’ to your text message is my reply. It feels so reductive and Orwellian and I hate how limiting and canned these responses are. Back in my day we used words to communicate our feelings!”

Is this resonating just a bit? Congrats, you’re old! And there’s even more “old people hills” to die on where that came from.

Here are some of our faves:

1.“No, you cannot listen to music / videos / calls / whatever in public without headphones.” -u/Yman_j

u/ZelnormWow added:

“I so get why boomers hated GenX and their boom boxes now. Our lord and savior Sony Walkman did not come to earth and give his life so I have to listen to you watch the same 45 second TikTok on loop for 15 minutes.”




2. “Social media was better when it only showed you relevant content from friends/followed pages, and allowed you to sort by most recent so your longest scrolling session would last 10-20 minutes.” -u/ Zonda1996

3. “New car headlights are too damn bright” -u/pnwerewolf

“My astigmatisms agree!!!” quipped u/Tiny_Independence761

On the subject of cars…

4. A car’s turn signal should ALWAYS be used to signal a turn. Yes, I’m talking about you Steve when you say ‘well I don’t see anyone around’ YOU DON’T KNOW THAT FOR SURE, STEVE.” -u/falconwolverine

5. “STOP SPEEDING IN NEIGHBORHOODS AND PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE DOWN!” -u/Typical80sKid



6. “I hate downloading an ap for every frickin’ thing. I ain’t clogging up my phone just for 1 baseball game ticket. Email to me a PDF of my ticket yo.” -u/beekaybeegirl

u/BrokenLink100 added:

“I went to a restaurant once where they had the QR codes for menus. That doesn’t bother me as long as the online menu has been properly formatted for mobile devices. But this QR code took you to the Apple Store to download the restaurant’s app just so you could view the menu. I asked for a physical menu, and the waitress said “oh our menu is on our app!” Like it was a totally acceptable thing. We ended up going someplace else anyway.”

7. “Not everything needs to be recorded/photographed and posted online. Whether it’s for good, taking excessive vacation pictures or for bad, like recording arguments between strangers.” -u/Li-IonClub

“Your lips to God’s ears. I also feel passionately about this one. People need to come to grips with the fact that driving is BY FAR the most dangerous thing people do on a regular basis,” the OP commented.

8. “If I say something to you, I'd like an acknowledgement that you heard me.” -u/pie_12th



9. “Manners. Manners go a long way. Having and using manners make you feel good. It is about respecting other humans beings and showing them that you do. It feels good to be polite, respectful, and generous. Manners are not disingenuous. They help others feel welcome, comfortable, appreciated, and at ease. Always use ‘please,’ ‘thank you,’ hold doors open for people. Acknowledge others, be considerate of other people. Wish others well. Don’t be afraid to smile first. Think of how your actions impact others. Think of the next person. Be kind. Help others feel appreciated for sharing this existence with you.” -u/Jocelyn_Jade

10. “I am not instantly available at any waking moment just because it is technically possible for me to see your message immediately on my electronic device. If we didn't have prior plans to be in contact, please allow 24-48 hours for response to all non-emergency communications.” -u/KuriousKhemicals

11. “I hate dealing with touchscreen keyboards. I don't think I'll ever be able to type on them nearly as fast as I can on a physical keyboard.” -u/lahdetaan_tutkimaan

Speaking of tech…

12. “Important stuff is reserved for laptops and computers. Booking a flight, studying for an exam, etc.” -u/ThatEmoNumbersNerd

13. “We do not need to follow every single trend we see on the internet.Just because it's a trend does not mean you must do it.No, you DON'T need the new expensive super big gulp metal cup that comes in an array of colors.No, you DON'T need to buy a bunch of clear plastic/glass containers to restock your fridge/pantry when food ALREADY comes in containers.No, you DON'T need make your home look like it came from a magazine or sad beige channel.No, you DON'T need a 100 step skincare routine.No, you DON'T need to get filler just because your face is maturing out of teen hood.Trends come and go, and thanks to our ever shortening attention spans, they go almost as soon as they come.Pretty soon, people will regret spending all their time and money on those trends and then move on to the next big trend that will leave them equally, if not more, unfulfilled.Just be happy with what you have.” -u/Spookybeagle

With similar gusto, u/Archeressrabbit wrote:

"Kiddo, you can't change your style every two weeks and attach core to a random buzzword. You need to look into your soul, your lifestyle, your likes and dislikes, and make boundaries about what goes on your body. I hate to go back in my day, but back in my day when we were goth, we only had the power of our imaginations and our DIY skills to create a look. We ripped fishnets, shredded jeans, raided Halloween stores army surplus and thrift stores, learned to sew, forgot to hem, held our clothes together with safety pins and hot glue, used white out on our combat boots, made our jewelry, used copious amounts of eyeliner and dyed our hair with kool-aid and splat. We made our styles ourselves. If we did buy something, we either had to save up for docs and Tripp pants, and God forbid you were Lolita because those dresses started at 500 dollars in those days."

Of course, millennial folks felt differently about their own clothing trends. -u/Notaninterestingcat declared “My black leggings will have to be pulled from my cold dead hands.”



14. “Tips should be for sit down meals in restaurants only. I should not be asked to tip at random places like a clothing store or when I get my oil changed.” -u/New_Ad_7170

15. “Kids need to stop ‘diagnosing’ themselves with all sorts of mental health conditions…There is a reason why we have diagnostic criteria…So many kids I meet are self-diagnosing based on a 30-second TikTok they saw. Many 20-somethings I know are doing it as well.On a related note, the overuse and misuse of ‘therapy language’ also needs to stop…Like, come on.” - u/dribdrib

Lastly, but perhaps most important of all…

16. “The way that Gen Z makes hearts with their hands makes me deeply unsettled.” -u/TheRainbowConnection

It's math that's simple enough for a third grader, but it seems wrong no matter how you calculate it.

Time is a strange phenomenon. It speeds up when we want it to slow down and drags when we wish it would go by faster. Sometimes it feels like we blink and a decade has gone by. Cue "the days are long, but the years are short," "time flies when you're having fun," and all the other time cliches that feel 100% true.

Of course, those truisms are all about our perception of time, not time itself. Time ticks by in a never-changing rhythm of seconds, minutes, hours, days and years, perfectly metered and measured. But it sure doesn't feel that way, which is why a simple math equation an average third grader can do has grown adults pulling out their calculators to make sure it's correct.


The equation in question comes from meme that reads "1981 and 2024 are as far apart as 1981 and 1938."

Yep, it's correct. The math checks out, no matter how many times you plug the numbers into the calculator. So why does it feel so wrong?

Again, time is a tricky thing. Those of us who were alive in 1981 remember how far back 1938 seemed to us at that time, and there's simply no way that distance is what 1981 is to us now. It seems impossible.

Part of the problem is that, at least for the middle-agers among us, the 80s still feels like they happened 20 years ago, not 43. That's simply how time perception works as we age.

But that's not all of it. As some people have pointed out, there were certainly major changes in both time periods, but the hugely significant cultural changes from 1938 to 1981 were more visible in many ways than most changes we've seen since then. Yes, technology exploded near the turn of the millennium, but once the internet and laptops and smartphones hit the scene, tech advancements have mostly been a matter of degree—better, smaller, lighter, faster, more efficient, more intuitive—in fairly steady increments and not so much dramatic jumps.

From 1938 to 1981, we saw huge leaps, from tiny black-and-white television to full-color cable television, from the first transatlantic passenger flight to sending humans to the moon on space shuttles, from switchboards and party lines to cell phone technology, from human computers to PCs.

We also saw clothing styles change drastically from one decade to the next during that time period in a way that we haven’t really seen in the past 40 years. Same with architecture and home designs. The mid-20th century saw the birth of rock n' roll, the Civil Rights Movement and the shift to women into the workforce. Again, huge leaps.

Wars also defined generations more in the mid-20th century than in the decades since, from WWII to the Vietnam War to the Cold War. It’s not that we haven’t had wars since 1981, but the direct impact of those wars on American life has not been as notable as those previous wars were.

Then again, it’s possible that much of the difference in feel is simply our perception of life now vs. then. Do the years since 1981 seem shorter simply because we’ve lived them, whereas most of us weren’t alive for a good chunk of the 1938 to 1981 time period and only learned it as “history”?

Hard to say, but one thing that’s clear is that people do not like the way this math feels, as evidenced by the comments people left on the post.

“Fitz is cancelled. Feeling triggered here. Lol”

“I did the math too many times because I don’t want to believe this.”

“As someone born in 1981 I really dislike this.”

“Shut your mouth. Those are fighting words! “

“I honestly did nothing to you! Like why?”

“They're not far apart. You're far apart."

It certainly will be interesting to see how the next 43 years feel for the people who live through it vs. 1981 until now.