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Dad sparks fascinating debate when he asks if he should stop dressing 'goth' for his kids' sake

"It's not always about you anymore."

young shirtless "goth" man with eye makeup, tattoos, a spiked collar, plugs, and frosted hair; a little boy looking sad
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It's not a phase.

One of the best lessons you can teach your kids is that they have the right to be who they are and who they want to be. One of the best ways to teach that lesson is to embody it yourself. Kids need your presence and your wisdom, but they also need your example. Be your truest self! Chase your dreams! Live without fear! It's the best possible way to show them that they can do it, too.

However, like all things in parenting, this lesson doesn't come without its own caveats. What if you embracing your truest self is, like, totally embarrassing? What if it causes other kids to bully your children, or gets them banned from playdates? That doesn't mean it's right for people to judge you, but it will probably happen if you're a loud or controversial dresser. As a parent, what are you going to do about it?

One dad recently found himself facing a conundrum: As a self-described "goth," and a larger guy to boot, he began to wonder if his unique style of dress might be having a negative impact on his kids.

"I'm a father of a 2 year old and 6 year old," the man wrote in a post on r/Daddit. "I dress like a [punk]/goth. It's nothing insanely extreme, just a lotta skulls and arm bands, couple chains on legs, rings. Stuff like that. ... I'm a rather large guy, 6' 7", so I already stand out."

gif of a man in white and black goth makeupGoths tend to stand out. Giphy

He says due to his size and dress, he's more than a little used to getting looks everywhere he goes. But then the dad of two recalls an incident at the playground that had him rethinking everything.

"Today at the park, I don't know, it felt like this lady was afraid of me? I keep to myself, smile a lot because I know I'm intimidating, and actively play with my kids, so I think it's kind of strange. After playing a while my daughter comes up crying. I ask her what's wrong, and she tells me 'my friend's mom said I can't play with you.' I look over and it's that same lady and she hurries and looks away.

"Later on, I'm holding my 2 year olds hand, walking him to the swings, and I overhear another kid ... go, 'ooh stay away from that guy. Stay away. My mom says he's bad'"

The user than asked the dad community for advice: Should he tone it down for his kids' sake? Ditch the skulls and chains to help them fit in and make friends more easily? Or would that be setting the wrong example?

The community was split on whether this dad should stop dressing goth. Great arguments emerged on both sides of a terrific debate.

Lots of parents encouraged the OP to stay true to himself, as the long-term lesson he'd be teaching his kids would be worth a little short-term discomfort.

goth teen walking through school halls and flipping his hairWhat's the price of staying true to you?Giphy

"Please never change your style. As your kids and your kids friends get older, you're going to be the 'cool dad.' Also, please consider the message you'd be sending to your children in changing yourself and being less authentic for the sake of making other people feel comfortable. It's not a healthy message to send."

"No you should model the behavior you want to see -- positive self expression, acceptance of differences, and kindness."

Others felt it was selfish of OP to continue dressing and behaving the same way he did before he was a father.

"It's not about you anymore, it's about your kids and the children they will interact with."

"OP should do what he feels is right, but those choices come with consequences. Personally, I can't imagine being so tied to how I dress that I would keep dressing that way even if caused distress for my daughter. Like, for what? They're just clothes. ... I get that some people are really attached to how they dress, like it's part of their identity. I can't personally relate, and fundamentally don't believe that how I dress defines who I am."

"I'm gonna be honest with you, and with love as a metalhead, that's kinda cringe my dude. Your clothes don't define you, and it sounds like your choice to dress like not-a-dad is going to force your kids to be outcasts. It's fine for us to be weirdo outcasts, we're adults, but you live in Mormon country and your kids don't get to choose who they see day to day at school. I dunno, swallow your pride, tone it down."

Some challenged this dad to dig deep. Was punk or goth clothing really essential to his identity? Or was it just something he was used to, or maybe something he used as a shield in social situations? These are big and important questions to answer before you decide if the way you dress is something you're willing to sacrifice. Others still suggested this dad find some kind of a compromise:

"Yeah I think finding a compromise is the best way forward, you can still be yourself but are also not scaring others around you (as unwarranted as it might be). And, remember you don’t always have to cut back. Probably 80% of the time you’re fine as you usually are, like at kids birthdays or something when you can get to know people etc. But if you’re gonna be around and potentially interacting with strangers’ children, it’s probably good to tone it down just a bit, just for your kids sake if anything."

Experts agree that when it comes to personal identity preferences that might embarrass your kids, compromise is key.

Rather than inflexibly insisting on "fully expressing yourself at all times," you may have to pick and choose a little more when you become a parent.

"It's important to maintain your authentic styles for most occasions. But the dad could think about toning it down in certain circumstances like school functions or when meeting new parents. That's because the focus is on the kid, about the kid, rather than himself," says Cory Reid-Vanas, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Rocky Mountain Counseling Collective. Reid-Vanas adds that kids often don't want to stand out, so extra attention may make them feel embarrassed. Though, these moments of conflict make for good conversation and teaching moments.

Ciara Bogdanovic, Licensed Psychotherapist at Sagebrush Psychotherapy,, says: "More important than how the parent dresses is their social relationships and how they handle situations. Children model their behavior after their parents. So it is important to model healthy friendships and how to deal with difficult social situations like rejection. Is the parent showing appropriate social skills on the playground? For example, is the parent greeting people and making friendly conversation?" In other words, a little extra smiling and proactive friendly behavior might help disarm judgmental bystanders.

Whatever the right answer is, the fact that this father is grappling with it so heavily said a lot about the love he has for his kids. In the very long run, that is definitely what they'll end up remembering most about him.

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Teachers

Florida teacher fired for giving zeros to students who didn't turn in assignments

The lowest grade that teachers are allowed to give students is a 50.

Diane Tirado/Facebook

Left: Teacher Diane Tirado. Right: The note she left for students after being fired.

If you're of the mind that kids today are being coddled and not properly prepared for the real world, well, you might want to buckle up for this one. The story out of a public school in Florida has parents and teachers alike up in arms.

A Florida teacher was fired for giving her students zeros for missing assignments. Diane Tirado has been a teacher for years. Most recently, she was an eighth-grade history teacher at Westgate K-8 School in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Diane recently gave her students two weeks to complete an Explorer notebook project, but several students simply didn't hand it in. Since there was zero work done, Diane gave them zeros.

She got fired for it.

schools, teachers, education, grades, students, parentsMichael Scott from The Office saying "What?"Giphy

The elementary school has a rule called the “no zero policy."

The lowest possible grade that teachers can give students is a 50, even if they don't turn anything in. That means that an extremely poor completed assignment is worth the same number of points as no assignment at all.

Hardly seems fair, right? Westgate is far from the only school that has such a policy, however.

whiteboard, education, classroom, teacher, middle school, 8th grade A message written on the whiteboard for her students after Diane Tirado was firedDiane Tirado/Facebook

It's a rule that Diane, unsurprisingly, does not agree with. After she was fired for disobeying, she left her students a charming goodbye message on the whiteboard.

"Bye kids. Mrs. Tirado loves you and wishes you the best in life. I have been fired for refusing to give you a 50 percent for not handing anything in. Love, Mrs. Tirado"

The scale, as outlined by the school, reads as follows:

A = 90 to 100
B = 80 to 89
C = 70-79
D = 60-69
F = 50-59

Diane later shared the story on Facebook, hoping to spread awareness about the school's policy.

“A grade in Mrs. Tirado's class is earned," she said.

“I'm so upset because we have a nation of kids that are expecting to get paid and live their life just for showing up and it's not real."

Diane's post has gone viral, and most commenters agree with her position – it's not fair to hand out grades for work that doesn't exist.

No zero policies are common in many schools, and teachers notoriouslyhate them. But it's at least worth considering why they exist. Some educators say it's because when a student earns a zero, it's very difficult for them to ever recover their grade in that class. In other words, it may be too harsh. Others argue that, if you don't want a zero, don't turn in nothing! Getting an earned-zero is a great way to learn to at least try.

A follow up statement from the school stated: "Ms. Tirado was released from her duties as an instructor because her performance was deemed sub-standard and her interactions with students, staff, and parents lacked professionalism and created a toxic culture on the school’s campus. ... During her brief time of employment at West Gate, the school fielded numerous student and parent complaints as well as concerns from colleagues. Based on new information shared with school administrators, an investigation of possible physical abuse is underway."

However, school representatives did not deny the existence of the no zero policy, and Tirado claims the school engaged in a smear campaign after she became a "whistleblower" on their policies. She's currently considering legal action against the district.

Still, the debate over the grading policy rages on.

“The reason I took on this fight was because it was ridiculous. Teaching should not be this hard," Diane said.

This article originally appeared 6 years ago.

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Identity

Oprah's controversial 1992 secret racism experiment on her audience is still matters today

People turned on each other quickly.

via BrightBeagles/YouTube

A woman gets angry on an episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show."

On an old episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" in July 1992, Oprah put her audience through a social experiment that puts racism in a new light. Despite being over three decades old, it's as relevant today as ever. She split the audience members into two groups based on their eye color. Those with brown eyes were given preferential treatment by getting to cut the line and offered refreshments while they waited to be seated. Those with blue eyes were made to put on a green collar and wait in a crowd for two hours.

Staff were instructed to be extra polite to brown-eyed people and to discriminate against blue-eyed people. Her guest for that day's show was diversity expert Jane Elliott, who helped set up the experiment and played along, explaining that brown-eyed people were smarter than blue-eyed people.

Elliott is an internationally known teacher, lecturer, and diversity trainer who, in 1968, after the assignation of Martin Luther King, Jr., performed the controversial and startling "Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes Exercise" in her third-grade classroom.

What is the Brown Eyes/Blue Eyes Exercise?

Watch the video to see how this experiment plays out.

oprah, racism, oprah wingrey, blue eyed/brown eye, jane elliott, oprah controversywww.youtube.com


One of the most interesting parts of the video is when, even though the blue- and brown-eyed people were segregated by Oprah's staff, they became angry with one another. One woman with brown eyes began to chastise the blue-eyed people, remembering the blue-eyed friend she had in the past. "I had a girlfriend in school who was blue-eyed," the brown-eyed audience member said. "She was so stupid. She was always copying off of my papers. These people were so rude and so noisy today. We couldn't hear any ourselves, not even talk; it was ridiculous."

From the stage, Eliott, pretending to be a brown-eyed supremacist, sternly talked about how brown-eyed people were superior but were called out for having blue eyes. She defended her position by saying she's learned to act like a brown-eyed person. "I've learned to act brown-eyed. I have a brownie husband and three brown-eyed children," Eliott told the audience. "Why did you get the message in this room is? It's to act brown-eyed, and you, too, can take off your collar. Act intelligently, and you, too, won't need your collar. None of you have acted intelligently yet."


Eventually, the audience realized that the experiment was about race, and Eliott stopped the brown-eyed supremacist posturing and began explaining how this experiment plays out in everyday America, but it's about skin, not eye color. That didn't stop one of the audience members from trotting out an old racist trope. "We can see where this is going. She's saying that everybody has racism in them. It's not really about the eye. She's trying to teach about racism," the male audience member said. "But she can't get away from the fact that God created the races, and you are going to be different. You can't help it."

Elliott had the perfect retort to the man who claimed that racism was divinely internet: "God created one race, the human race, and human beings created racism."

Watch the entire segment here:


- YouTubewww.youtube.com


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Pets

Four guys asked their new neighbor if they could walk her dog. Then the dog wrote back.

"If you ever get bored, we are more than happy to look after him/her."

via Stevieticks / Instagram

A black dog and a note form "the boys from number 23."

If you've lived your whole life with a dog, a home has to feel pretty empty without one. Your heart has to feel like there's something missing as well. When Jack McCrossan, originally from Scotland, moved to Bristol, England with his three friends, they were bummed out to learn that their landlord didn't allow dogs.

So when they saw a beautiful black Sheprador (a German Sheppard Lab mix) in their neighbor's window, they knew that had to become buddies with her. They wrote the dog's owner, Sarah Tolman, a letter asking to arrange a play date with the dog. "If you ever need someone to walk him/her, we will gladly do so," they wrote.

"If you ever get bored (we know you never will, but we can dream), we are more than happy to look after him/her. If you want to come over and bring him/her to brighten our day, you are more than welcome. If you want to walk past our balcony windows so we can see him/her, please do," the letter continued.


"We hope this doesn't come too strong, but our landlord won't allow pets, and we've all grown up with animals. The adult life is a struggle without one," they wrote. "Yours sincerely, The boys from number 23," the letter concluded.

Soon after, the boys in 23 received a response from the dog herself, Stevie Ticks, accepting the offer. However, it may have been written by her human, Sarah Tolman. In the letter, Stevie shares a bit about herself, saying she's two years and four months old, was adopted in Cyprus, and that she's "very friendly and full of beans." (The boys shouldn't worry about a gassy hound, in England, "full of beans" means lively.)


"I love meeting new people and it would be great if we can be friends. I must warn you that the price of my friendship is 5 x ball throws a day and belly scratches whenever I demand them," the letter continued. A few days later, the boys got to meet Stevie. "Meeting Stevie was great!" McCrossan told Buzzfeed. "She was definitely as energetic as described. We got to take her for a walk and she wouldn't stop running!"

black labrador, dogs, dog-walkers, kind nieghbors, stevieticks, bristol, ukA black labrador (representative image).via Canva/Photos

Tolman thought the boys' letter was a fantastic gesture in an era where, quote often, neighbors are strangers. "In a day and age where people don't really know or speak to their neighbors, it was really nice for them to break down that barrier," she said. After the story went viral, she saw it as an opportunity for people to share their love of dogs with the world. "My mother and I are amazed at all the love we've received from around the world these past few days," Tolman wrote as Stevie. "If you have a doggo in your life, share that love with those around you."

A lot has changed in the past 6 years since this story warmed hearts around the globe. The boys have since moved away, but as of September 2024, Stevie is around 8 years old and still doing well. Her keeper and Sarah's partner, Chris Bowley, shared an update on Instagram. "[The boys] sadly moved out of Bristol. However, we have always tried to keep the ethos going of Stevie having as many friends and meetups as possible," Bowley wrote.


This article originally appeared six years ago.

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Internet

17 groovy sights, sounds and feels that can only be appreciated by 70's kids

Kids today will never understand the pure joy of reading a cereal box.

via Seattle Municipal Archives/Flickr

Kids at Seattle Center during Bumbershoot, 1973

A lot has changed since the 1970s. If you plucked a Gen Zer from 2025 and put them in a time machine back to 1974, they’d have a hard time figuring out how to use a telephone, get a good picture on the television set with rabbit ears, or buy tickets for the Pink Floyd or Jackson 5 concert.

They’d also probably be appalled by the number of people who smoke, the massive amount of litter on the streets, and the general lack of concern for the safety of children. In certain cities, they’d also be blown away by the amount of smog in the air.

Perhaps the best way they could get an idea of the time period through movies and television series that focus on the era, since this medium is so immersive. However, not every production is a stickler for accuracy when it comes to making historical shows.

Luckily, that isn't always the case. One filmmaker directing a production that takes place in the '70s truly wanted to learn what life was like in the “Me Decade,” so they asked folks from the time period to share “some behaviors from that time that have disappeared,” and he received over 2,400 responses.

Some were bittersweet remembrances of a carefree and unsupervised childhood. At the same time, others recalled a time when children were often the targets of abuse and subject to many traumatic experiences that they were discouraged from speaking about.

We looked at the thread and chose the 17 best responses to behaviors from the ‘70s that “have disappeared.”

1. Playing with the phone cord

1970s, growing up '70s, life in the '70s, 70s shows, 70s nostalgia, 70s phonesHands playing with a phone cord. Photo credit: Canva

"Fidgeting with the long coiled cord while talking on the phone—like twirling your finger into the coil."

"We had a long cord that you could swing like a jump rope."

"Answering every phone call with some variation of '<last name> residence, <first name> speaking.'"

2. Smelling cigarette smoke


www.youtube.com

"Smoking everywhere all the time."

"I remember the teachers lounge in my grammar school oozing smoke."

"4 hour drives to see Nannie, all windows closed, both mom and dad smoking. Think of it, three 3 small kids getting poisioned from the 2nd hand smoke, pleading to stop or open the window and Dad saying 'get used to it, the world smokes' andMom saying the cracked open wi dow was 'too noisy'. Breathing through our coat sleeves with the arms opening under their car seats, where the fresh air came out. Four hours of constant nausea and illness that lingerd for 30 min after."

3. Soda cans for candy

"Returning soda bottles to the store and getting enough money back to buy a candy bar."

"Yes, having work and save up for the candy bar or pack of gum. Or being lucky enough to find a penny for the gum ball machine outside the grocery store. "

4. Clothes lasted forever

1970s, growing up '70s, life in the '70s, 70s shows, 70s nostalgia, 70s clothesA rack of vintage clothes. Photo credit: Canva

"The lengths everyone went to make things last, all our clothes were patched or sewn up and handed down. New clothes shopping was maybe once a year. Or whenever the Sears catalog came out."

5. Payphones

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"Checking the change slot in the phone booths in case people forgot their coins. I also remember when phone calls were a dime!"

6. Calling the Time Lady

"367-1234. At the time the time will be 11:22 and 20 seconds — beep”

7. Playing outside all day

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"When being sent outside to play meant you were given a radius to stay in like 'our neighboorhood,' and a time to be home was 'when the street lights come on.'"

8. TV was appointment viewing

"Reading TV Guide for program times."

"There was no way to record a show until VCRs came came out, so you watched a show when it was scheduled to be broadcast, and missed it if you didn’t turn it on at the time it started. So, families had to negotiate if there was more than one show on that people wanted to watch. Prime time was a big deal because that was when the three networks played their top shows."

9. Rabbit ears


1970s, growing up '70s, life in the '70s, 70s shows, 70s nostalgia, 70s commercials, old school tvAn old school television. Photo credit: Canva

"Wrapping tin foil squares on 'rabbit ear' antennas."

"When the picture got fuzzy, slapping the side of the TV set to correct the picture."

10. The phone book had many uses

"That big phone book was the booster seat for the youngest kid at the table."

11. CB radios


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"References the cb radio culture during normal conversations. Everyone understood."

"Ten four"

"Breaker, breaker"

"You got that right, good buddy."

12. Long distance was pricey

"Making local calls vs long distance calls. Had to keep calls short to relatives because they were long distance. Making collect calls."

"Right, and you might add the cost of long distance calls was X amount per minute. Also, moving into a new place required a call to the telephone company to have a phone installed in various rooms and you had to preorder the types and colors."

"If you wanted to make an overseas call, you had to call the international operator at least a couple of hours before the call to schedule it."

13. Fake collect calls

"Making fake collect calls to your parents to come pick you up. 'You have received a collect call from … ‘we’re done and out front!’… do you wish to accept the call? Nope. Already got the message."

14. Before scrolling, we read


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"Reading. Reading the newspaper. Reading the cereal boxes at breakfast. Reading on the toilet. Doing crosswords and word games. Before phones, you had to engage more with what was around."

"If there was no Reader’s Digest in the bathroom, you had to read the shampoo ingredients. Sodium laurel sulfate, etc."

15. The bank line

"When Friday rolled around, and you needed money for the weekend, you went to the bank, stood in line and made a withdrawal."
"We took our checks to the bank on Friday to be cashed, some for the checking account and some for spending cause everything was paid for with cash."

16. Unsafe seating in trucks

"No seatbelts, but drivers could get in trouble if car was overfilled, so a mom would yell 'duck' if she saw a cop. This would be a Volkswagen Bug with 7-8 kids piled up going to the beach or park. Totally normal to pile kids in the bed of a pickup truck - sometimes with folding chairs. Also common to grab the back of a car while you were skateboarding (there was a word for this I don't remember)."

17. Staring at the sky


1970s, growing up '70s, life in the '70s, 70s shows, 70s nostalgia, 70s kidsTwo kids looking up at the sky. Photo credit: Canva

"Laying down in the grass and looking at the sky. Leisure time died when portable entertainment became a thing, particularly nobile phones. The level of disconnection that's required to just stare at clouds or stars (and be happy doing it) is sorely missing nowadays. At least I miss it."

This article originally appeared last year.
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Community

Fourth grader gives PowerPoint to her class announcing that she's autistic

The entire class broke out into applause.

Image via Canva

Fourth grader Campbell made a PowerPoint to tell her classmates she has autism.

Fourth grader Campbell is unashamed of her autism diagnosis. The incredible 10-year-old created a PowerPoint presentation to tell her class all about it, complete with helpful information about autism to help them understand what it is and to encourage an atmosphere of acceptance.

Campbell's mom, Stephanie Hanrahan (@tinklesherpants), shared a video on Instagram of her daughter giving her presentation to a room full of attentive students. "Our daughter decided to tell her class she's autistic. We had no idea she was doing this. She decided to use her free time at school to create a presentation," she writes in the video's caption.

The video begins with Cam standing in front of the class starting her presentation. "My name is Cam, and I have autism. Autism is a disability that affects socializing with people, learning, and other stuff. It can make life hard, but I am very open sharing about it," she begins. "I like to call autism my invisible disability."


Cam goes on to explain all the things that autism can affect, before moving on to describing how all autism is not the same. She shares that she has a younger brother with autism named Eli who is in second grade. "We have the same disability, but we don't have the same special needs," she says.

Another slide features 'Famous People with Autism', where she included photos of Elon Musk, Albert Einstein, Bill Gates and more...including herself in a funny nod. The next slide is about basic autism facts, before she highlights another slide about stimming. She shares that stimming is a natural way that people with autism move or fidget with their bodies. Common stims may be flopping, knee bobbing, repetition, and humming. "Stimming is absolutely not okay to make fun of or copy," she says.

At the end of her presentation, the entire class gives her a rousing round of applause and Cam wears a large, proud smile on her face.

Her mom Stephanie added in the caption, "Do not discount this generation. I know there are bad seeds in every bunch, but in my experience, children are often way more open-minded and inclusive than adults. And it’s all because of classrooms like these where an autistic girl is given the chance to stand with pride and say, 'This is me.' Raise your kids to be proud of every stripe. Raise your kids to embrace everyone’s story."

Cam's powerful presentation got tons of positive comments from viewers, including a teacher who knows her. The teacher wrote, "I’m one of the fourth grade teachers lucky enough to know Cam and the gift she is to us all. I boo hoo cried during her whole presentation out of admiration for her and pride in her peers. There is so much beauty in kids and we learn so much from them. If the world could mirror our fourth graders, it’d be a much more beautiful place. Thank you for sharing the gift of Cam with us, and the world! She is a deeply beautiful soul and we all have so much to learn from her. ❤️"

Others chimed in, saying:

"AND she started a trend at school of kids talking about their differences. That was awesome on so many levels!"

"This is so brave and her peers response is so beautiful 👏🥹❤️."

"She did such a great job of explaining Autism, stimming and several other aspects of the condition. She was funny and confident, and her classmates seem to have enjoyed and learned a lot. This really helps get conversations started and makes the entire environment a lot more inclusive! Way to go🔥."

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