Only one foreign pilot has ever bombed the U.S. mainland. His redemption arc is epic.

An Oregon town he tried to destroy in WWII even made him an honorary citizen.

Nobuo Fujita WWII
Nobuo Fujita was a Japanese naval pilot in WWII.Photo credit: Courtesy of Chetco County Community Library

About 16 miles east of Brookings, Oregon, stands a unique coastal redwood tree. It has been growing there since 1992, when the Japanese pilot who had dropped bombs on that very spot 50 years before planted it with his own hands.

Nobuo Fujita remains to this day the only foreign pilot to ever bomb the U.S. mainland. On September 9, 1942, Fujita flew a seaplane, launched from a floating catapult on a Japanese submarine in the Pacific, over the woodlands of southern Oregon. Along with the 30-year-old pilot and the bombs he was ordered to drop, the aircraft also carried a 400-year-old samurai sword—a prized family heirloom Fujita took with him on every flight.

Fujita was a bit disappointed with this bombing mission. He had wanted to bomb San Francisco or Los Angeles to take revenge on the U.S. for dropping bombs on targets in Tokyo, Yokohama, Yokosuka, Nagoya and Kobe in the Doolittle Raid just a few months before. Instead, this mission was to use incendary bombs to start a forest fire that would engulf nearby towns like Brookings, divert resources and instill terror into the hearts of U.S. citizens.


But as anyone who has gone camping on the Oregon Coast can attest, starting a fire there isn’t easy, especially just after it has rained. The bombs Fujita deployed basically fizzled after hitting the ground, only starting small fires and creating enough smoke for the forest service to see them and act quickly to snuff them out.

Fujita returned home to train other pilots, and three years later, World War II ended after the U.S. dropped atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

War and forgiveness make strange bedfellows, but they always seem to find one another eventually. And for Fujita and the town of Brookings, “eventually” came in a fairly swift and dramatic fashion.

In 1962, less than 20 years after the war ended, a group of Jaycees in Brookings had the idea to invite Fujita and his family to be an honored guest at the town’s Azalea Festival as an act of goodwill and reconciliation. Not everyone was thrilled with this idea, however. Townspeople argued bitterly over it. Over 100 residents signed onto an op-ed opposing the idea, which read in part, “Why stop with Fujita? Why not assemble the ashes of Judas Iscariot, the corpse of Atilla the Hun, a shovel full of dirt from the spot where Hitler died….” For many, it probably have felt too soon, especially since many of the town’s citizens had fought in the war.

But the Jaycees were undeterred and admant that it was the right thing to do.

For his part, Fujita was worried he might be attacked, pelted with eggs or even put on trial for war crimes after he arrived, and he was prepared to end his life with his samurai sword if it came down to it. Instead, the day after he and his wife and son arrived in Brookings and found a warm welcome, Fujita presented his precious family heirloom to the city as a peace offering.

nobuo fujita presenting samurai sword to town of Brookings, Oregon
Nobuo Fujita gifted Brookings, Oregon, his family's 400-year-old samurai sword as a peace offering. Photo courtesy of Chetco County Community Library

Brenda Jacques, a retired reference librarian, told Oregon Public Broadcasting about the significance of that Fujita giving the city his sword. “Would I be able to give something that had been that important to my family away?” she said. “It was a tremendous act of contrition.”

Fujita was presented with a key to the city and was given the opportunity to fly a plane over the bombing site. But the mutual goodwill didn’t end there.

Nobuo and Akayo Fujita
Nobuo Fujita and his wife Akayo standing in front of an azalea bush in Oregon Photo courtesy of Chetco County Community Library

Fujita would spend the rest of his life nurturing a friendship with the Oregon town he had once tried to burn to the ground. He and his employees donated thousands of dollars for a multicultural book collection at the Chetco County Community Public Library in Brookings. He organized a group of high school students to come to Japan for a cultural exchange.

In 1992, Fujita returned to Brookings and planted the coastal redwood tree—which he called “a symbol of friendship and peace”—where he had dropped bombs five decades before.

Just a few days before his death in 1997, the city of Brookings made Nobuo Fujita an honorary citizen.

The following year, his daughter came to fulfill his last request—to have some of his ashes buried at the bombing site.

Nobuo Fujita’s story is a moving reminder that the people charged with killing and terrorizing one another in wartime are never truly enemies, and that we all have the potential to be peacemakers if we choose to.

And hopefully, stories like this one will help humanity learn to avoid the war part altogether and jump straight to the goodwill and sharing of friendship across cultures part that we all love to see.

  • People share the new subscriptions and fees they refuse to pay before they become normal
    An angry customer complains to customer service. Photo credit: via Canva/Photos

    Remember when you bought something, you owned it and, for the most part, only paid once? These days, companies try to extract the most value from their customers by getting them to pay more by tacking on surprise fees or add-ons that function as a subscription.

    Remember when you bought software once and, if you wanted to upgrade to the latest version, you paid extra? But if you liked the old version, you kept it and it worked fine? These days, you’re forced to pay a monthly fee to use the software and are forced to pay for the upgrades whether you like them or not.

    If you’re allergic to paying additional surprise fees, don’t go to Las Vegas. These days, you’ll get hit with a hefty resort fee upon checkout. Some hotels charge you up to $50 to use the in-room mini-fridge, $60 if you want to check in early, a phone-booking fee, and the most infuriating: a $25 fee to use the silverware with room service. At a time when inflation is hitting people hard, these feel like an insult to injury.

    las vegas, nevada, welcome to vegas, vegas sign, hotels
    The Las Vegas strip. via Canva/Photos

    People are seriously fed up with being nickel-and-dimed everywhere they turn, so a Redditor asked people to share the subscription fees they’ve recently encountered that they need to “collectively refuse to pay” so they don’t become normalized. We chose some to be aware of and shared information on how you can avoid paying fees—or at least whittle the number of subscriptions you have to a bare minimum.

    1. The online convenience fee

    “I wish we could stop ‘online convenience fee’ when there is essentially no other way to pay.”

    “They shouldn’t exist anyway because paying online isn’t just more convenient for the customer— it’s more convenient for the company, too! They can cut tons of positions when no one has to open actual mail or enter checks/CC numbers manually.”

    If you’re tired of paying online convenience fees, one way to avoid them is to set up auto-pay with your bank, which often lets you bypass them. You can also pay by check. If you don’t want to waste paper by receiving a bill in the mail, you can usually print out a payment stub online and pay it that way.

    2. School lunch fees

    “Our school required us to use an app to deposit lunch money to our children’s school accounts. Each deposit cost a $2.75 ‘processing fee’ to the app itself, paid for by the parent. I started packing lunches.”

    “Yes! Our school uses this, and in addition, they cap how much you can deposit at a time, which forces you to do multiple deposits and get multiple processing fees. The cap doesn’t change if you have multiple kids either, so like every 2 months I have to do a deposit for each kid and pay separate processing fees.”

    lunch, school lunch, kids eating, lunch lady, cafeteria
    Kids eating lunch in school. via Canva/Photos

    3. Streaming services with ads

    “Subscriptions to streaming services that show ads. Big media is getting two bites of the apple.”

    “Oh, and when you pay extra for ad-free, they stop showing advertisements from outside companies, but they replace them with ads for their own services and programming.”

    Want to make sure you don’t let your subscriptions pile up unnecessarily and avoid a big squeeze on your budget? One Redditor on the thread r/LifeProTips had a great idea: write down all of your monthly subscriptions on Post-it notes and keep them in a place you look every day, like where you put your keys. As the old saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. Seeing what you’re paying for each month can help you rethink your spending.

    4. A/C repair subscription

    “We have a local heating and air conditioning company that’s rated near the best in the business. However, as the wife I found out, their business model is incredibly scummy and we’ve made other people aware of it because it’s predatory. If you call them for a checkup on your furnace or AC they have a normal fee for that… but if you need any type of repairs or anything you have to pay for that repair AND they make you sign up for a monthly fee that allows you to be a customer if you have issues moving forward. If you do not agree to this fee, they won’t fix your unit – regardless of you paying for the parts or not. It was like $45 a month.”

    5. Subscription fees for car features

    “Subscriptions for hardware features your car already has. BMW tried to charge a subscription for heated seats, and now other companies are watching.”

    “Honestly, they just need to make it a law that if the functionality is present in the finished product, they by law cannot disable it. The reason why auto manufacturers used to charge more for the higher trim packages was because there was more work involved in producing them. But now they’ve capitalized on economies of scale and figured out a way to just make all the cars identical and selectively turn off features unless you pay shakedown money to the manufacturers.”

    6. Utility add-ons

    “In the city I live in, some teledoc company has convinced them to automatically add a $7 a month charge to the electric/water bill so everyone will have access to their service. It’s automatic, so if we don’t want it, we have to have the option removed. Most people get their bills electronically and pay automatically and won’t even notice the charge. Scammers!”

    “My bank started charging a fee of $5 monthly for “undeliverable mail”. When I called to fix the prob, the security question was: What’s your address.”

    Did a service you pay for recently go up in price? Tiktoker @SavingMoneySabrina has a great way to lower your bill when you call customer service. She has a simple script to follow: “Hi, my name is [insert name]. I saw that my Internet went up about $25 this month. Unfortunately, I’m not able to afford that. So if I can’t get it down to the rate that it was last month, I’m gonna have to cancel. Is this something you can help me with?” Here’s how she does it:


    @savingmoneysabrina

    I hope this helps you save some money on your bill! Important note tho: when I say that I will “have to cancel,” I actually do mean it. Sometimes you’ll have to get close to cancelling for anything to happen. Trust the process! #howtosavemoney

    ♬ original sound – savingmoneysabrina



    7. Fees to pay your bills

    “They should just call those a ‘fee fee.’”

    “Another One Won’t Hurt fee.”

    8. Printer ink scams

    “My wife had one of those HP subscription printers, which worked fine for her needs, and her job reimbursed her for it, so it wasn’t really a problem for her. When she changed jobs, we decided to cancel the subscription because we weren’t using the printer nearly as much, thinking we’d use up the ink in the cartridges and then just buy new cartridges ourselves. NOPE. It turns out, the whole thing stops working as soon as you cancel your subscription, and you can’t buy normal ink cartridges to put in it; it only accepts the ones specifically made for the subscription service. So now we have a big plastic paperweight with mostly full ink cartridges.”

    9. Personalized pricing

    “That ‘personalized pricing’ bs they are considering. The price should be the same for everyone, everywhere, and every time from the same physical store or website. If I want to order in-store pickup from the website, it should be the same price on the shelf. If I use the website at home, in the store, or down the street from inside a competitor’s store it should be the same price. If I order online from my friend’s pc it should be the same price as ordering from my own pc. The price should be the same whether I’m using the app, the website, or the physical store, not talking about delivery fees. The entire idea that a store can change the price of an item arbitrarily to what they think YOU will pay for it compared to someone else should be absolutely illegal.”

    “Would you like to use our personal shopping assistant? Guaranteed to give you the lowest price offered to any customer! And it only costs 25% to use!”

    10. No free parking here

    “Parking fees at suburban hotels. I don’t have an issue obviously when you’re in downtown Chicago or San Francisco, but charging $20/day to park in a huge suburban hotel with a lot that holds 500 cars is obnoxious.”

    “Also, parking fees at your job. I’m a nurse in Chicago. All of the major hospitals charge us a parking fee on our paychecks. Like… I get that it’s the city and parking is limited, but the hospitals own their own lots. Why are you making me to pay to come to work? Lol.”

    motel, parking, free parking, motel fees, parking lot
    A motel parking lot. via Canva/Photos

    11. Software subscriptions

    “Back in the day, someone would write a piece of software you actually found useful, so you bought it. Later, the developer added some nice new features, you thought the upgrade was worth it, and you bought the new version. Then the next version came along with features you didn’t care about (bloatware), so you skipped it. The developer sees their income dropping and decides the solution is… a subscription.”

    If you are locked into subscription software for the next few months, be sure to flip off the auto-renewal switch on the site. If they won’t allow you to do so, then set a calendar reminder on your phone for the last month of service so you can cancel before it auto-renews for another year.

  • 1st grade teacher asked students to color their ‘favorite’ hat. She then secretly created each one for real.
    A young child colors in a design. A baby wears a pink knitted hat.Photo credit: Photo Credit: Canva

    Putting a dream into action can sometimes provide that little bit of magic children crave. So, when first grade teacher Ashley Lowry genuinely surprised her students with homemade hats based on their own designs, their reactions were super wholesome.

    Lowry, who teaches first grade at Wallace Elementary in Kelso, Washington, is always looking for new ways to get her students excited about learning. According to KGW News, her aunt, Amy Lowry, had a thoughtful idea: “What if we created our own hats?” Amy tells the news camera, “So I had seen the idea and thought, well in the middle of winter, it would be a great project.”

    So, Lowry made photocopies of the already drawn winter hats with no color. The kids were tasked with coloring in their favorite designs. Some opted for solid colors like all blue or purple. Others were drawn to colorful stripes!

    Lowry shares that some of the kids were excited just to color. “I definitely saw kids who were like really excited about patterns. So you’ll see kids that had like a nice repeating pattern.”

    Once winter break arrived, Lowry had her plan: she would take those hat drawings and sew each and every one of them for her 22 students. “I guess I didn’t realize 22 hats was going to take as long as it did, but we managed,” she shared.

    Once they were back from break, she sent the kids off to recess so she could put each perfectly wrapped, made-to-design hat in their desks. When they returned, Lowry asked, “Raise your hand if you remember doing your hat.” Many raised their hands enthusiastically.

    She then read them a book called Extra Yarn, and told them to “go to their desks and sit down.” She added, “I might do a little magic in here.” As they sat obediently at their seats she shouted, “Let’s say magic magic! Drumroll!” The children begin drumming on their desks. “Open your drawers,” she instructs.

    KGW News (@kgwnews) on Threads

    teacher, first grade, surprise, knitting, hats, art project
    Teacher surprises kids with hats of their own design. www.threads.com, KGW News, Threads

    The children excitedly do as told to uncover the gift-wrapped hats—just as they had imagined them. Delighted, some of the kids explained their design choices. “Because those are my favorite colors in the world!” one shared.

    They each try their hats on to showcase what great work has been done. Aunt Amy shared, “I was just thrilled that everybody was so excited. And it looked like they’re going to enjoy the efforts.”

    Lowry added, “They love accessories. So I can’t wait to see these hats bouncing around. I think they’ll love it and just that pride. It’s something that they made!”

    On a Threads post sharing the news story, commenters are deeply impressed with this teacher’s choice to go the extra mile. One writes, “I absolutely love this story. The children’s teacher is amazing and these young little people will remember this moment forever. We need more stories like this in the world today.”

    This Threader points out how special the teacher is for caring for these children, writing, “You can’t teach a teacher that kind of compassion and empathy for their students, it’s priceless and starts these young students with a love for education and going to school. We should all take a lesson from this teacher!”

    kids, school, first grade, arts and crafts, creativity
    A child makes a colorful craft project. Photo by Taylor Heery on Unsplash

    Another states the important and obvious, saying, “You cannot put a price on a good teacher.”

    The YouTube comments were equally supportive. “This made me tear up. Those kiddos are so excited! What a wonderful way to show them that people care about them and want them to be happy,” one shares.

    One commenter was not only impressed with the teacher’s knitting skills, they adored the creative design picks. They wrote, “I LOVE that! As a crocheter of over 50 years experience, and a knitter of considerably less time, I can very easily appreciate all the effort that went into making all those hats! I do have to say, I really liked that one little girl’s unicorn hat—even though I’m now 73, I very much like unicorns!”

  • Body language expert shares how to spot a fake smile from a real one and it’s all in the eyes
    Can you tell if a smile is real or fake?Photo credit: Canva

    Though we’ve all had to fake a smile at times, it doesn’t feel good to receive or give one. Some have gotten so good at offering fake smiles that others may begin to wonder if a person’s smile is ever genuine. To put this worry to bed, a body language expert explains the tell that can separate the genuinely happy from the passively polite.

    Vanessa Van Edwards went on TikTok to share how to tell if someone is faking their smile. Van Edwards recommends not looking at a person’s mouth when they’re smiling, but to look at the top half of their face. In the video, she explains that a genuine smile doesn’t just reveal itself in the mouth, but in the upper cheeks and eyes. A person who is genuinely smiling has a noticeable “lift” in both their upper cheeks and the outward corners of their eyes, as if those parts of the face are also smiling alongside the mouth. A fake smile is very much concentrated on moving the mouth upward with little to no change in the upper half of the face.

    @vvanedwards

    This Is How You Know A Smile Is Real!

    ♬ original sound – Vanessa Van Edwards

    “If you can’t see a real smile on the top half of the face, it’s not a real smile,” said Van Edwards.

    Van Edwards then notes that if you spot a fake smile it could be an opportunity to “dig a little deeper.”

    How should you respond to a fake smile?

    There are many reasons someone might fake a smile. While the fake is meant for deception, it’s not necessarily for malicious reasons. Maybe they want to hide their disappointment that you got the promotion and they didn’t. Maybe they don’t like the food you brought to the potluck, but they like you and want to spare your feelings. Maybe they just had a terrible day but don’t want to ruin the mood. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all. Even with all that considered there are some folks who can still convincingly fake a smile anyway.

    “The challenge with fake smiles is the cause can be from a variety of things,” facial analysis expert Brian Galke told Upworthy. “Some people were raised in environments where they were told to have a smile on their face no matter what was going on.”

    So, how should you respond to a fake smile? There’s no true one and done answer. Everything depends on the situation and how well you know the fake smiler. If you are good friends with them, you may want to privately ask them if there’s something wrong. If there is or was, you have an opportunity to turn that fake smile into a real one. That’s not always necessary or recommended though.

    “If you do feel that someone is outright faking their smile for protection and it’s not a sales situation, then it’s okay to mention the observation,” said Galke. “Make it non-judgmental by saying things like ‘It seems like _____’ and stay away from ‘why’ questions which sound judgmental. The key is to simply mention the observation to crack the door open in case they are ready to talk.”

    A fake smile usually isn’t an intentional insult or harmful deception in most cases. It could be best to just take the fake smile as you would a regular one even if you clock it. After all, while they’re hiding something, it’s usually in the name of being polite, defusing potential tension, and overall wanting you to like them.

    if you receive a fake smile, remember it has nothing at all to do with you and everything to do with them and their mood. There have been studies, articles, and reports that say that the act of smiling, even if it’s fake, can help a person boost their mood over time. In short, the phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” applies to smiling. So, if a person throws a fake smile in your direction, it could be in the hope for it to turn into a real one the next time you see them.

    @mydaily.krystal

    Sometimes when feeling low, I like to smile to help me boost my mood ?? A #sahm #sahmlife #lowmood #depression #mentalhealthmatters

    ♬ Smile – Johnny Stimson

    “Studies show that when we smile we are seen as more confident, attractive. Smiling also releases endorphins that reduce stress and due to mirror neurons when someone else smiles we want to smile which releases our own endorphins,” said Galke.

    While knowing how to spot a fake smile can be a great tool to have, consideration is recommended with what you do with that information.

  • Professor challenges Gen Z students to answer obscure history questions using only library books
    Remember when we didn't have infinite information at our fingertips? Photo credit: Canva

    Technically speaking, Duke University professor Aaron Dinin teaches entrepreneurship. But more accurately, he teaches young people to have a healthier relationship with failure, and he does this through various oddball challenges—everything from solving a 1000-piece puzzle in six minutes to trying to beat a nine-year-old at selling cookies.

    In one recent video, Dinin’s students were tasked with answering as many obscure questions as possible using nothing but the books in their library. Yes, just like back in the day.

    After tossing their phones into a box, students were given a printed-out catalog of books to help them find the answers to questions like “When was Kentucky founded?” and “What makes Pickett’s Charge important?”

    Many Gen Zers admitted this was the first time they had ever looked something like this up in a book. Dinin quipped that, to them, the whole experience must have felt like “time travel.” He also clearly enjoyed watching students come up exhausted, saying, “This is what research used to look like. This is why my PhD was so hard!”

    And yet, the students managed. One even learned how to use an index, aka an “underrated piece of technology.”

    Watch:

    As Dinin pointed out, anyone these days, not just Gen Zers, would almost certainly just Google this kind of information. And because of that, “being able to answer questions isn’t nearly as valuable in the modern world as knowing which questions are worth chasing in the first place,” which is perhaps an even bigger takeaway for students than learning how to use a library.

    Down in the comments, parents and fellow teachers alike couldn’t wait to try the exercise out on their own kiddos.

    “This is awesome and I will be showing this to my 11 year old who was beside himself when I took away his iPad and gave him a physical dictionary to double check his ELA homework.”

    gen z, aaron dinan, failure, chatgpt, college, entrepreneurship, library, research, learning how to research, books
    A boy drawing on an iPad. Photo credit: Canva

    “This is brilliant! I need to do this with my middle schoolers!”

    “What a GREAT experience! It’s like Escape Room, library edition!”

    Others were simply grateful for the trip down memory lane.

    “Thank you for sharing this! I remember to actually looking for info for any research paper in like an encyclopedia Britannica “

    “Is it nerdy to say that I actually had fun researching this way back in college (even though it was laborious)?!? Gen Xer here…”

    On his website, Dinin shared that he was inspired to create learning opportunities like this after spending two decades “watching brilliant students sabotage their futures because they were scared to be wrong.” He knew that, in order to combat that, he’d need to design classes that “make failure survivable (and maybe even a little bit fun),” rather than “chase success.”

    And this is truly a great example of that. In our fear of failure, our enmeshment with experience, and our reliance on having knowledge at our fingertips, we run the risk of forfeiting autonomy and resilience. There is always a balance to strike, but doing so requires the willpower to ignore the alluring siren song of convenience. Perhaps in this day and age, that kind of willpower is one of the most valuable skills teachers can bestow on their students.

    Follow along for even more of Dinin’s fun videos here.

  • A simple neuroscience brain trick to stay quiet instead of saying impulsive things you’ll regret
    A woman zipping up her lips.Photo credit: via Canva/Photos

    There are times to speak up, moments when it’s best to say nothing, and opportunities be very considerate in your response. But when you’re on the receiving end of a back-handed compliment, a foolish remark, or a coworker takes you down a peg, and your emotions are up, it can be hard to have a thoughtful response. Often, we say something we shouldn’t.

    How is it that some folks fly off the handle and say things they’ll later regret, while others can stay calm and remove themselves from the situation or take the high ground? One way to be less impulsive with your words is to use the “name it to tame it” neuroscience hack, originally coined by author and psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel. When used properly, it allows you to step back from the moment and choose the best response in a challenging situation.

    shhh, quiet, zip it, mouth closed, say nothing, be quiet
    A man saying u200bvia Canva/Photos

    How to use the ‘name it to tame it’ hack

    When someone upsets you, the first thing to do is to go inside yourself and describe the emotion that you feel in your body. Are you angry? Are you sad? Are you afraid? Do you feel rejected? Are you disappointed? The moment you name the emotion, it will begin to subside and give you the emotional and mental room to respond to the person who caused the negative emotion, rather than impulsively reacting.

    How to respond to a reactive emotion so you don’t fly off the handle:

    Event happens:

    1. Your body stiffens up

    2. You feel an intense emotion

    3. You examine the emotion and give it a name: “My body is telling me I am angry.”

    4. You should feel the emotion beginning to subside

    5. Choose your response instead of being impulsive

    shhh, quiet, zip it, mouth closed, say nothing, be quiet
    A woman zipping up her mouth. u200bvia Canva/Photos

    Why does ‘name it to tame it’ work?

    “Name it to tame it” works because, when we have a strong emotional reaction, our lizard brain kicks in, and we go into fight, flight, or freeze mode. The lizard brain is not known for giving thoughtful and strategic responses to challenging situations. When we name the emotion, our prefrontal cortex, or the thinking brain, kicks in. The thinking brain looks at the situation and says, “Alright, we don’t need to run or fight here. It’s best to give a strategic response.”

    When we tune into the negative emotions by naming them, they relax because they feel heard, like when a child has hurt their knee or a loved one has real concern and you gives them undivided attention. Once the emotions are named, they are tamed. Then, you are more likely to respond to the negative person with grace and speak from the best part of yourself.

    Dr. Dan Siegel, who coined the phrase “Name it to tame it,” explains the brain science behind the technique in the video below. He does a great job of explaining how it allows us to transfer our thoughts from the downstairs brain (the lizard brain) to the upstairs brain (the thinking brain), so we can calm down and respond appropriately to the situation.

  • Acclaimed leadership expert shares simple hack that turns self-doubt into a huge asset
    Turn the fear of looking like a fraud into fuel.Photo credit: Canva
    ,

    Acclaimed leadership expert shares simple hack that turns self-doubt into a huge asset

    The ‘spotlight effect’ stops people in their tracks but it doesn’t have to.

    Quite often, many people get a promotion, praise, or an assignment at work while feeling imposter syndrome when the result is a bigger challenge. They feel like frauds or flukes even if their previous accomplishment led to them here. There’s a feeling of being seen and fear of being “found out.” If this sounds familiar, a leadership and behavioral expert has a tip to “turn that spotlight off yourself and turn it into a flashlight.”

    Dr. Shadé Zahrai went on TikTok to advise folks that are experiencing imposter syndrome via the spotlight effect. To put it briefly, the spotlight effect is something your brain does to a person to make gross overestimations on how much people notice, judge, or recall them. They feel like they’re under a spotlight, anxious that people are watching them and will call them out. The truth, according to Zahrai and others, is that most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice, remember, or even care about auditing you. While that truth is a relief, this still may not be enough to offset imposter syndrome.

    @shadezahrai

    If you feel like a fraud and imposter, this is why – and what to do about it. My book is out in just three days! If you order it now you get thousands of dollars of bonuses – but you have to order it before Jan 20!

    ♬ original sound – Dr. Shadé Zahrai

    Zahrai continued by saying that you could flip the thought and energy of the spotlight off of your identity and aim it like a flashlight onto your problem to find a solution. The spotlight of “I don’t know what I’m doing and I’m going to be exposed” turns into “This is the issue that I’m concerned about, what do I have to do or learn to address it?” It takes “I’m a fraud” and flips it into “Why do I feel like a fraud?”

    “Confidence doesn’t require you to know everything in advance,” says Zahrai. “It just requires you to trust yourself enough to stay in the room, ask the question, and figure things out as you go.”

    @aliabdaal

    Have you ever heard of the spotlight effect?

    ♬ original sound – Ali Abdaal – Ali Abdaal

    Behavioral specialists weigh in

    Other behavioral experts and therapists reached out to Upworthy to weigh in on what they would recommend to a person experiencing the spotlight effect.

    “So much of anxiety is perception of how others perceive you and what they’re thinking about you,” said licensed therapist Cristina Billingsley. “Being that [the spotlight effect] is a common occurrence for people, I remind clients there’s comfort in knowing you’re not alone. Reminding ourselves that this theory has been tested and research shows that people overestimate how much people are actually thinking about or noticing them. Next time you’re spiraling about this, ask yourself ‘Yeah….and?’ Does it matter in the long run…today, tomorrow, next week? Does this person’s opinion truly matter to me? Would I judge someone or be this critical about them?”

    @wellwithraele

    Remember this for your next social interaction or conversation ? #wellwithraele #socialskills #perspective

    ♬ original sound – Raele

    Some experts agreed that the spotlight effect pivot that Zahrai recommended could be used to a personal advantage.

    “Reframe the spotlight effect as a flashlight moment, turning the fear of failure and making mistakes into an opportunity to showcase your zone of genius so that others can learn from you,” recommended psychologist Dr. Angela Chen. “Take repeated action, as it will allow your brain to rewire the spotlight effect through exposure and extinction learning. Consistent and repeated exposure through taking steps toward what matters to you and what kind of person you strive to be allows your brain to create and strengthen new, non-threatening neural pathways.”

    Other experts didn’t think that Zahrai’s flashlight pivot was an effective approach to ridding the spotlight effect at all.

    “The approach of turning a spotlight into a flashlight treats the issue as attention-based instead of deep-rooted. This might work in the short-term but it doesn’t address the cause of the anxiety. Many with imposter syndrome have internalized a harsh inner critic,” said licensed psychotherapist Doriel Jacov. “If you simply redirect your attention, it doesn’t get rid of that internalization. It might offer some temporary relief, but the inner critic will find its way back to you.”

    “Second, since the spotlight effect is fueled by negative self-perception, when you turn it into a flashlight, you might turn that negative perception outward. This leaves you judgmental and highly critical of others, which can have negative relational impacts. You may find yourself consciously or unconsciously devaluing others,” added Jacov.

    Jacov did agree with Dr. Chen that frequent exposure could help navigate a person’s emotions to offset the impact of the spotlight effect.

    “The biggest advice I have is to put yourself in situations that elicit the spotlight,” concluded Jacov. “The more you expose yourself to those feelings and that type of environment, the more you’ll be able to learn that you’re emotionally safe. You’ll learn that no one thinks of you in the way you think of yourself.”

  • Salesman shares 2 magic phrases that make salespeople leave you alone when shopping

    Being approached by a salesperson when making a big purchase, such as a car or an appliance, is an experience most people find to be at least a little uncomfortable. Heck, even much smaller stakes shopping like walking through the mall or browsing jewelry can be wracked with anxiety over potentially running into a pushy salesman. Salespeople can provide help and expertise, of course, but they can also be pushy and add unnecessary pressure especially for people who aren’t quite ready to buy.

    Car salesmen, in particular, have the worst reputation. Surveys show a large chunk of consumers have felt pressured by salesmen to buy add-ons they don’t need, felt like they were being tricked, or otherwise felt the salesperson was being dishonest.

    Even if you say, “I’m just looking.” The words will not deter them, as they’re trained to push past those objections by pestering with you questions and “encouraging” you to move the sale forward.

    A car salesman on TikTok recently went viral with a video explaining why “I’m just looking” doesn’t work on a car lot and, crucially, providing more effective phrases you can use instead.

    Russell of RussFlipsWhips normally gives advice to car dealers and salespeople on how to generate leads and close more sales, but he occasionally helps out the average consumer with behind-the-scenes information that helps them make better decisions.

    cars, car salesman, new car, sales, shopping, anxiety, psychology, social anxiety
    Car salesmen have the worst reputation of all. Photo by Sara Kurfeu00df on Unsplash

    “There’s two main reasons, and here’s what you should say instead of ‘I’m just looking,’” he said in a video with nearly 2 million views. “One is, we hear it every single day. So when somebody tells me, ‘I’m just looking,’ I’m so used to hearing that, I almost like brush it off and ignore it because I’m like, ‘That’s what the customer’s supposed to say.’ “

    ‘Secondly,” he goes on, “every car salesman has had a customer say, ‘I’m just looking,’ and we ended up selling them a car.”

    It’s a harsh and slightly grimy truth of the business, but there’s no arguing with the realities.

    Instead, Russell suggests you say: “Hey, I’d really like to look alone. Can I please have your business card?”

    The second phrase, which is even more clear that you want the salesman to go away, is: “I’m really not in the market for a car.”

    These responses are firm and direct, leaving little to no room for interpretation or push back. As much as salespeople want to make a deal, they really don’t want to waste their own time. So being firm and clear in the fact that you’re not ready is a great way to make them go away.

    Watch Russ explain the process and why it works here:

    The post received funny responses from folks who had a few effective ideas of their own:

    “The ‘I have 2 repos and no money down’ line works wonders,’” one TikToker joked.

    “I just tell them my credit score and they run,” another added.

    “If ‘I’m just looking’ doesn’t work, I usually wait until they go home, follow them home, stare into their bedroom window at night, and repeat the line when he comes out to ask what I’m doing,” someone commented.

    Others chimed in with their own stories, or support of Russ’ advice:

    “My first week in the business, one of the older guys told me to say ‘I’ll look with ya’ the first time I used that line, sold a car to the customer’s daughter and upgraded his lease”

    “I just say ‘Ill come get you when Im ready’ and if they dont immediately go away, and I do find a car that I want, they will not be the one catching the sale.”

    “I once told a salesman I was just looking and ended up leaving with a new car”

    cars, car salesman, new car, sales, shopping, anxiety, psychology, social anxiety
    Some very strong-willed people have been talked into buying a new car they weren't ready for. Photo by Swansway Motor Group on Unsplash

    Plenty of viewers chimed in that the really good salespeople know when to respect someone’s wishes and back off. If a salesman is too pushy, it can be a huge turnoff for customers — even if they really are almost ready to buy. Russell’s audience is made up primarily of dealers and salesmen, so they know all too well that pushing too hard can backfire.

    In the end, Russell’s suggestions show that sometimes, the best way to get our point across is to be direct and honest. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to shop alone and if the salesperson can respect that request, they deserve the sale if you decide to buy something.

    Russ has developed a following of over 750,000 followers giving advice to people in the auto industry and helping customers be prepared for one of the biggest purchases of their lifetime.

    @russflipswhips

    Asking the right questions when buying a car can save you a lot #carsales #carsalesman #carbuyingtips #cardealership

    ♬ original sound – RussFlipsWhips

    With so much info at our fingertips, we’ve come a long way from the days of car salesmen holding all the power and tricking customers with elaborate games and negotiating tricks. But… that doesn’t change the fact that, sometimes, we just want to look around without being pressured.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • A laundry expert shares exactly how to refresh your winter coat with a spray of vodka
    A woman wearing a winter coat.Photo credit: Canva

    Winter coats go through a lot of wear and tear when we need them most during brutal winter temperatures. With winter weather not letting up anytime soon, they’ll continue to play an important role in the coming months for those of us living in cold climates.

    By midwinter, your winter coat may start to smell a bit… dank. But washing winter coats can be cumbersome and time-consuming.

    Thankfully, a quick and easy solution can be found in your liquor cabinet, according to Patric Richardson, also known as “The Laundry Evangelist.” Richardson shared the brilliant laundry hack on Instagram, showing his followers how to refresh winter coats without putting them in the washer.

    How to refresh your winter coat

    According to Richardson, you only need two simple items: a spray bottle and vodka. In the video, he explains that this winter he had to pull his parka out from the depths of his closet due to freezing temperatures and noticed that it smelled.

    “I haven’t worn it in like two years, and it smelled like the closet,” he said. “It had that musty, sort of house smell, and I didn’t have time to wash it.”

    What he did instead? He sprayed it with vodka.

    “Spray it, spray it, spray it,” he said. “You need to mist all over it. Let it sit for five or 10 minutes. Let it dry. And you’re good to go. If you get pulled over by the cops, you’re totally fine because vodka is odorless and colorless.”

    He also recommends spraying vodka on other types of coats, like dress coats.

    One viewer asked Richardson whether 70% alcohol, such as isopropyl alcohol, could be used instead. But it’s a no-go. “It will leave an odor,” he explained. “The denaturing process gives it a residual scent.”

    Richardson also noted that spraying vodka on wool coats is totally safe and can help remove heavy scents from cooking or spices.

    “Fill a spray bottle with the stuff and use it to remove odors from clothes that are stinky but not dirty. No washing required!” he shared in a previous Instagram post.

    Vodka removes strong odors from your winter coat because it’s antibacterial, thanks to its alcohol content. In the United States, vodka must be at least 40% alcohol by volume (ABV), which helps neutralize the funky-smelling bacteria your coat may be harboring.

    @brunchwithbabs

    You likely have an odor fighter right in your liquor cabinet.  Grandma’s usually do know best because we have been around a long time.  And I learned this one from my Grandmother.  A simple spray of vodka can eliminate odors on clothing, furniture, upholstery and even mattresses.   All you need is vodka and a spray bottle – make sure your spray bottle has a mist setting – not just a straight spray.  To spray clothing, focus on the areas that collect the most bacteria and therefore odor – like under the sleeves.  Spray from about 18” away from the clothing in sort of a sweeping motion. The vodka clings to the smelly molecules that are produced naturally and then ferment and cause odor. So bye bye smelling clothes and wasting time and money cleaning or dry cleaning each time you wear something.  

    ♬ original sound – Babs

    In an interview with Apartment Therapy, Richardson said that vodka can be sprayed on practically any clothing to remove unwanted scents:

    “There’s this wonderful costumer that comes to my store, and she always wants to give me a hug, and when she leaves I smell like [perfume]. I go in the stock room and have one of my sales people spray me with vodka to take that away. … You can spray your gym bag with vodka; if you go to your favorite restaurant and you leave [smelling like food], you can spray that with vodka; If you stand next to a smoker, you can spray that with vodka.”

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