Genuine forgiveness is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give to another person. Being forgiven is an amazing relief for the individual and allows the relationship to forge ahead without any debilitating emotional baggage.
However, people often disregard the life-altering benefits that come with being someone who is able to practice forgiveness.
The ability to completely let go of resentment isn't just great for us psychologically. Our bodies and minds are so interconnected that being able to forgive has physical benefits as well.
What happens when we don't forgive?
"There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed," Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital says.
Living with deep-seated anger puts us in fight-or-flight mode that affects one's heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. These negative physical states can, in turn, lead to diabetes, heart disease, PTSD, and depression.
This constant state of arousal takes its toll on the body. A Hope College study found that holding onto a grudge leads to higher physiological activity — facial muscle tension, heart rate, blood pressure, and sweating — compared with having forgiven.
So there is a lot of truth to the saying that "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
via Felix Koutchinski / Unsplash
Learn more about the science behind forgiveness from David Pruder's "Psychiatry and Psychotherapy" podcast.
What happens to us when we are able to forgive?
In addition to relinquishing the debilitating resentment, research shows that those who are able to forgive others are also more likely to forgive themselves.
"One barrier people face in forgiving themselves is that they feel they deserve to feel bad. Our study found that making amends gives us permission to let go," study researcher Thomas Carpenter, of Baylor University's College of Arts & Sciences, said in a statement.
Being in a constant state of anger with oneself takes a huge physical and psychological toll.
"It weakens you emotionally and makes your body more vulnerable to sickness and disease by compromising your immune system," Dr. John H. Sklare writes at Everyday Health.
There's a wealth of evidence that shows cultivating an attitude of forgiveness is a powerful way to become healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually. But that can only happen when our forgiveness is genuine.
via Gus Moretta / Unsplash
Practicing true forgiveness
Andrea Brandt Ph.D. believes that true forgiveness begins with being "willing" to forgive. Then, after rigorously accessing the incident we can begin to accept our feelings and reactions.
"Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened. What did it make you learn about yourself, or about your needs and boundaries?" she writes in Psychology Today.
Next, consider the needs of the person we're willing to forgive: "What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?" she asks.
The final step is to decide whether or not to tell them they're forgiven.
Swartz says we all have the power to forgive, we just have to make the choice to do so.
"It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not," Swartz says. Once we begin to release our anger, hostility, and resentment, feelings of empathy and compassion will begin to take root.
However, Brandt says it's just as important to realize what forgiveness doesn't mean. It's not a pardon or excusing another's actions. It doesn't mean you shouldn't have any more feelings about the situation or that the relationship is miraculously healed.
"By forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it," Brandt wrote in Psychology Today.
So now the big question remains: Who are you willing to forgive?
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An Irish woman went to the doctor for a routine eye exam. She left with bright neon green eyes.
It's not easy seeing green.
Did she get superpowers?
Going to the eye doctor can be a hassle and a pain. It's not just the routine issues and inconveniences that come along when making a doctor appointment, but sometimes the various devices being used to check your eyes' health feel invasive and uncomfortable. But at least at the end of the appointment, most of us don't look like we're turning into The Incredible Hulk. That wasn't the case for one Irish woman.
Photographer Margerita B. Wargola was just going in for a routine eye exam at the hospital but ended up leaving with her eyes a shocking, bright neon green.
At the doctor's office, the nurse practitioner was prepping Wargola for a test with a machine that Wargola had experienced before. Before the test started, Wargola presumed the nurse had dropped some saline into her eyes, as they were feeling dry. After she blinked, everything went yellow.
Wargola and the nurse initially panicked. Neither knew what was going on as Wargola suddenly had yellow vision and radioactive-looking green eyes. After the initial shock, both realized the issue: the nurse forgot to ask Wargola to remove her contact lenses before putting contrast drops in her eyes for the exam. Wargola and the nurse quickly removed the lenses from her eyes and washed them thoroughly with saline. Fortunately, Wargola's eyes were unharmed. Unfortunately, her contacts were permanently stained and she didn't bring a spare pair.
- YouTube youtube.com
Since she has poor vision, Wargola was forced to drive herself home after the eye exam wearing the neon-green contact lenses that make her look like a member of the Green Lantern Corps. She couldn't help but laugh at her predicament and recorded a video explaining it all on social media. Since then, her video has sparked a couple Reddit threads and collected a bunch of comments on Instagram:
“But the REAL question is: do you now have X-Ray vision?”
“You can just say you're a superhero.”
“I would make a few stops on the way home just to freak some people out!”
“I would have lived it up! Grab a coffee, do grocery shopping, walk around a shopping center.”
“This one would pair well with that girl who ate something with turmeric with her invisalign on and walked around Paris smiling at people with seemingly BRIGHT YELLOW TEETH.”
“I would save those for fancy special occasions! WOW!”
“Every time I'd stop I'd turn slowly and stare at the person in the car next to me.”
“Keep them. Tell people what to do. They’ll do your bidding.”
In a follow-up Instagram video, Wargola showed her followers that she was safe at home with normal eyes, showing that the damaged contact lenses were so stained that they turned the saline solution in her contacts case into a bright Gatorade yellow. She wasn't mad at the nurse and, in fact, plans on keeping the lenses to wear on St. Patrick's Day or some other special occasion.
While no harm was done and a good laugh was had, it's still best for doctors, nurses, and patients alike to double-check and ask or tell if contact lenses are being worn before each eye test. If not, there might be more than ultra-green eyes to worry about.