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Well Being

How cultivating an attitude of forgiveness is great for your health

How cultivating an attitude of forgiveness is great for your health
via Lina Trochez / Unsplash

Genuine forgiveness is one of the most beautiful gifts we can give to another person. Being forgiven is an amazing relief for the individual and allows the relationship to forge ahead without any debilitating emotional baggage.

However, people often disregard the life-altering benefits that come with being someone who is able to practice forgiveness.

The ability to completely let go of resentment isn't just great for us psychologically. Our bodies and minds are so interconnected that being able to forgive has physical benefits as well.

What happens when we don't forgive?


"There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed," Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital says.

Living with deep-seated anger puts us in fight-or-flight mode that affects one's heart rate, blood pressure, and immune response. These negative physical states can, in turn, lead to diabetes, heart disease, PTSD, and depression.

This constant state of arousal takes its toll on the body. A Hope College study found that holding onto a grudge leads to higher physiological activity — facial muscle tension, heart rate, blood pressure, and sweating — compared with having forgiven.

So there is a lot of truth to the saying that "resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

via Felix Koutchinski / Unsplash


Learn more about the science behind forgiveness from David Pruder's "Psychiatry and Psychotherapy" podcast.

What happens to us when we are able to forgive?

In addition to relinquishing the debilitating resentment, research shows that those who are able to forgive others are also more likely to forgive themselves.

"One barrier people face in forgiving themselves is that they feel they deserve to feel bad. Our study found that making amends gives us permission to let go," study researcher Thomas Carpenter, of Baylor University's College of Arts & Sciences, said in a statement.

Being in a constant state of anger with oneself takes a huge physical and psychological toll.

"It weakens you emotionally and makes your body more vulnerable to sickness and disease by compromising your immune system," Dr. John H. Sklare writes at Everyday Health.

There's a wealth of evidence that shows cultivating an attitude of forgiveness is a powerful way to become healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually. But that can only happen when our forgiveness is genuine.

via Gus Moretta / Unsplash


Practicing true forgiveness

Andrea Brandt Ph.D. believes that true forgiveness begins with being "willing" to forgive. Then, after rigorously accessing the incident we can begin to accept our feelings and reactions.

"Acknowledge the growth you experienced as a result of what happened. What did it make you learn about yourself, or about your needs and boundaries?" she writes in Psychology Today.

Next, consider the needs of the person we're willing to forgive: "What do you think this need was and why did the person go about it in such a hurtful way?" she asks.

The final step is to decide whether or not to tell them they're forgiven.

Swartz says we all have the power to forgive, we just have to make the choice to do so.

"It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not," Swartz says. Once we begin to release our anger, hostility, and resentment, feelings of empathy and compassion will begin to take root.

However, Brandt says it's just as important to realize what forgiveness doesn't mean. It's not a pardon or excusing another's actions. It doesn't mean you shouldn't have any more feelings about the situation or that the relationship is miraculously healed.

"By forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it," Brandt wrote in Psychology Today.

So now the big question remains: Who are you willing to forgive?

All images provided by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

Collins after being selected by Prudential Emerging Visionaries

True

A changemaker is anyone who takes creative action to solve an ongoing problem—be it in one’s own community or throughout the world.

And when it comes to creating positive change, enthusiasm and a fresh perspective can hold just as much power as years of experience. That’s why, every year, Prudential Emerging Visionaries celebrates young people for their innovative solutions to financial and societal challenges in their communities.

This national program awards 25 young leaders (ages 14-18) up to $15,000 to devote to their passion projects. Additionally, winners receive a trip to Prudential’s headquarters in Newark, New Jersey, where they receive coaching, skills development, and networking opportunities with mentors to help take their innovative solutions to the next level.

For 18-year-old Sydnie Collins, one of the 2023 winners, this meant being able to take her podcast, “Perfect Timing,” to the next level.

Since 2020, the Maryland-based teen has provided a safe platform that promotes youth positivity by giving young people the space to celebrate their achievements and combat mental health stigmas. The idea came during the height of Covid-19, when Collins recalled social media “becoming a dark space flooded with news,” which greatly affected her own anxiety and depression.

Knowing that she couldn’t be the only one feeling this way, “Perfect Timing” seemed like a valuable way to give back to her community. Over the course of 109 episodes, Collins has interviewed a wide range of guests—from other young influencers to celebrities, from innovators to nonprofit leaders—all to remind Gen Z that “their dreams are tangible.”

That mission statement has since evolved beyond creating inspiring content and has expanded to hosting events and speaking publicly at summits and workshops. One of Collins’ favorite moments so far has been raising $7,000 to take 200 underserved girls to see “The Little Mermaid” on its opening weekend, to “let them know they are enough” and that there’s an “older sister” in their corner.

Of course, as with most new projects, funding for “Perfect Timing” has come entirely out of Collins’ pocket. Thankfully, the funding she earned from being selected as a Prudential Emerging Visionary is going toward upgraded recording equipment, the support of expert producers, and skill-building classes to help her become a better host and public speaker. She’ll even be able to lease an office space that allows for a live audience.

Plus, after meeting with the 24 other Prudential Emerging Visionaries and her Prudential employee coach, who is helping her develop specific action steps to connect with her target audience, Collins has more confidence in a “grander path” for her work.

“I learned that my network could extend to multiple spaces beyond my realm of podcasting and journalism when industry leaders are willing to share their expertise, time, and financial support,” she told Upworthy. “It only takes one person to change, and two people to expand that change.”

Prudential Emerging Visionaries is currently seeking applicants for 2024. Winners may receive up to $15,000 in awards and an all-expenses-paid trip to Prudential’s headquarters with a parent or guardian, as well as ongoing coaching and skills development to grow their projects.

If you or someone you know between the ages of 14 -18 not only displays a bold vision for the future but is taking action to bring that vision to life, click here to learn more. Applications are due by Nov. 2, 2023.
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