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6 alternatives to saying 'let me know if you need anything' to someone in crisis

If someone is drowning, you don't wait for them to ask for help. You just take action.

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Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

People going through major struggles don't always know what they need or how to ask for help.

When we see someone dealing with the loss of a loved one or some other major life crisis, it's instinctual for many of us to ask how we can help. Often, the conversation looks something like this:

Us: I am SO sorry you're going through this. What can I do to help?

Person in crisis: I honestly don't know right now.

Us: Okay…well…you let me know if you need anything—anything at all.

Person in crisis: Okay, thank you.

Us: I mean it. Don't hesitate to ask. I'm happy to help with whatever you need.

And then…crickets. The person never reaches out to take you up on the offer.

Was it that they didn't really need any help, this person going through a major life crisis? Unlikely. As sincere as our offer may have been, the problem may be that we didn't really offer them what they actually needed.

One of those needs is to not have to make decisions. Another is to not have to directly ask for help.

When a person is in a state of crisis, they can feel like they're drowning. They might be disoriented and fatigued, and doing anything other than keeping their head above water long enough to breathe can feel like too much.

If someone is drowning, you don't ask them what you can do to help or wait for them to ask. Youjust take action.

Here are some specific ways you can take action to help someone who you know needs help but isn't able or willing to ask for it:

1. Make them food

It may be tempting to ask if you can make them a meal and wait for them to say yes or no, but don't. Simply ask if they or anyone in their household has any dietary restrictions, and then start shopping and cooking.

Meals that can be popped in the refrigerator or freezer and then directly into the oven or microwave are going to be your best bets. Include cooking or reheating instructions if it's not obvious. Disposable aluminum trays are great for homemade freezer-to-oven meals and can be found at just about any grocery store. Casseroles. Stir fried rices. Soups. Comfort foods.

If you don't cook, you can buy them gift cards to local restaurants that deliver, or give them a DoorDash or UberEats gift certificate (large enough to cover the delivery, service fees and tip as well, which combined can be as much as a meal sometimes).

lasagna in the oven

Easy-prep meals people can throw in the oven are great.

Photo by Milada Vigerova on Unsplash

Even better—organize a meal train

If you want to make it a community-wide effort and no one else has done so yet, set up a "meal train," where different people sign up for different days to bring meals to spread out the food help over time. There are several free websites you can use for this purpose, including Give In Kind, Meal Train, and Take Them a Meal. These sites make it super easy for anyone with the personalized link to sign up for a meal.

someone scrubbing a pot in a kitchen sink

There are always dishes to wash.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

2. Clean their kitchen and/or bathrooms

Kitchens are always in use, and keeping up with dishes, especially in a house full of people, is a challenge even under normal circumstances. Same with keeping the refrigerator cleaned out. Same with cleaning the bathroom.

Rather than asking if they want it done, as many people won't want to say yes even if they would appreciate the help, try saying something like, "I want to come and make sure your kitchen is ready for you to make food whenever you want to and that your bathroom is a clean space for you to escape to whenever you feel like it. Is Tuesday or Wednesday at 1:00 better for you?"

The fewer complex decisions a person in crisis has to make the better, so saying, "Is this or that better?" rather than offering open-ended possibilities can be helpful.

woman folding clothes

There is always laundry to fold, too.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

3. Do laundry

Offer to sit and chat with them, let them vent if they need to…and fold their laundry while you're at it.

Are they the kind of people who might be embarrassed by you seeing or handling their underclothes? Fine. Wash, dry and fold towels or bedsheets instead. Just keep the laundry moving for them.

And if it doesn't feel appropriate or desirable for you to do their laundry at their house, you can offer a pick-up laundry service, either yourself or an actual hired service. Tell the person to put bags or bins of laundry at the door and you (or the service) will come pick it up and bring it back clean and folded the next day. That's a great way to be of service without feeling like you're intruding.

man pulling food and toilet paper out of the car

Offer to pick stuff up when you're on a grocery run.

Photo by Marek Studzinski on Unsplash

4. Run errands for them

"Hey, I'm heading out to the store, what can I grab you while I'm there?" is always a welcome phone call or text. Let them know when you're going to be running your own errands and see if there's anything they need dropped at the post office, picked up from the pharmacy, or anything else.

You can also offer to run errands with them. "Hey, I've got some errands to run. Do you want to join me?" They may have no desire to leave the house, or they may desperately want to leave the house, so be prepared for either answer, but the offer is solid. Even just not having to drive might be a relief if they have things they need to pick up or drop off places.

woman holding hands with a small child as they walk

Caring for someone's kids is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

5. Provide childcare

If the person is a parent, taking their kid(s) out for a chunk of the day can be a big help. Caring for yourself is hard when you're going through a difficult time, and the energy a person might use to actually do that often gets usurped by caring for others. Obviously, parents can't just neglect their children, so anything you can do to relieve them of that responsibility for a while is gold.

Offering to take the kids to do something fun—a day at the park, ice skating, etc. is even better. A parent knowing their kid is safe, occupied, and happy is its own form of relief.

6. Ask what they're struggling with and focus your help there

While all of these practical household things are helpful, there might be some people who find comfort or solace in doing those things themselves. If that's the case, talk with them about what their immediate needs are and what they're having a hard time dealing with. Then focus your energies there. "What can I do to help?" may not be as effective a question as "What are you having a hard time doing right now?" They may not know what kind of help they need, but they probably know how they're struggling.

One person might be lonely and just want some company. Another person might need a creative outlet or a mindless distraction or something physical like going for a walk or a hike. Someone else might have pets they need help caring for, a garden that needs tending, or the oil changed in their car. Someone might even need a person to serve as a shield or buffer between them and all the people coming to offer their condolences.

Note that many of these things are basic life maintenance stuff—those are often the things that get hard for people when they're dealing with the emotional and logistical stuff surrounding whatever they're going through, and they're often the easiest things other people can do for them. A time of crisis is not a normal time, so normal etiquette, such as asking if you can or should do something rather than just letting them know you're going to do it, doesn't always apply.

If there's a specific thing with specific tasks, such as planning a funeral, that might be a good opportunity to ask how you can help. But people deep in the throes of grief or struggle often need someone to take the reins on basic things without being asked to. Again, there's a good chance they feel like they're drowning, so don't wait for an invitation. Just grab the life preserver, put it around them and do whatever needs to be done to get them to shore.

Note: This advice is especially relevant now as Californians struggle with the Wildfire Crisis. In light of many losing their homes, possessions, and loved ones, knowing how to help and what to do might be even more difficult. Check out our Community Resource Guide for ways to offer aid and relief to those impacted.


This article originally appeared last year.

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One simple word makes children 30% more likely to cooperate. It works on adults, too.

No, it's not 'please.'

Photo credit: Canva

Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.

One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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Mom captures teen son's sweet reaction to opening his first ever paycheck from McDonald's

His face is absolutely beaming with pride.

u/ExactlySorta/Reddit

A teen was elated getting his first paycheck from McDonald's.

There are certain moments and milestones in life that hit harder than others. There are the biggies, of course—graduations, weddings, births, etc.—but there are also the smaller-but-still-significant ones that mark when you officially cross a threshold into a whole new stage of life. Our teens are filled with many such moments as we take our first steps into adulthood and independence.

A mom captured one of those moments on video as her teen son opened his first paycheck from his job at McDonald's.

The video shared on Reddit shows a teen in a McDonald's hat sitting in the passenger seat of a car opening an envelope that contained his paycheck. His mom said it should be "200-and something" dollars, and after a hilariously long struggle to open the envelope (Gen Z have rarely, if ever, snail mailed, so no judgment), he looks over the check stub to get the full picture.

"That's $283," he says in astonishment. To his credit, he asks "After tax, what's that?" not realizing that the amount of the check is the after-tax take home amount. His smile and laughter says it all.

Watch:

"Let's take it to the bank, then!" Heck yeah, kid.

People are fondly remembering their own first paychecks

Many viral videos of first paycheck reveals include complaints about how much is taken out in taxes, so it's refreshing to see this young man's joy at his after-tax pay. It was a beautiful moment to capture on film, as most of us remember that feeling of empowerment that came with our own first real paychecks.

People in the comments are feeling the nostalgia:

"I remember that feeling - pretty sweet to see money you earned yourself. Feels good earning your own cash."

"God that first paycheck felt so unreal. I will never forget you ace hardware."

"I remember my first paycheck was for like $300 after two weeks of being a counselor and I felt RICH. I immediately spent it all on a guitar that I still have 20 years later."

"I remember mine - from my first proper job. £64.29 in a little brown packet with holes in it to see the cash inside. 1980. 😂"

"My first “paycheck” was like $65, I was so proud. I took my mom to pizzeria to treat her and she was very very touched."

"Man… I remember my first paycheck… 23 years ago now. For two weeks of what limited hours I could work being 14 years old… that baby was $96.19! HO-LY smokes was I on cloud 9. Cashed it right there at work and bought myself a bag of Skittles. It was a good day."

first paycheck, milestone, adulthood, working, accomplishment That first paycheck feeling. Image via Canva.

Ah, to be young and unencumbered by adult expenses

Part of what makes this endearing is the innocence of it. As a teen, he's not worried about affording a mortgage or groceries or diapers or retirement savings. His elation over making $283 is adorable because he's just starting down the path of adulthood. Soon enough, that paycheck will seem small, but he's not there yet.

Such is the "first paycheck joy," that TikTok is rife with adorable videos of young people opening their first paychecks after working their first real jobs.

@fuck3n_andre

Taco Bell on me 😭 I was fully expecting like $200😂 #fypage #firstjob #job #first #firstpaycheck #fyp #foryoupage #viral

When you're a kid, money is kind of an abstract concept. Maybe you get a small allowance or get paid a few bucks for odd jobs, and opening a birthday card with some cash in it is exciting. It's not until you're fully into the working world for a while that the regular flow of money and what it means for your life really sinks in.

It's not until you're a fully independent adult that you really grasp how relative your feelings about your paycheck can be. There's a big difference between being a 16-year-old getting your first paycheck and being a 30-year-old trying to raise a family on wages that don't cover all your needs. Things like cost-of-living and inflation start to actually mean something as you get older and experience their impact. You might find that you can make a lot more money and yet feel poorer than ever as expenses pile up into adulthood.

paycheck, working, making money, growing up, money It's all relative.i.giphy.com

Don't we all wish we could go back to the hopeful, happy days of making our first real chunk of money before all of those grown-up concerns arose? That simple sense of pride in having worked hard and earned something. The excitement of being able to pay for something you want yourself. The sense of freedom that comes with those early earnings. We see and feel all of that in this teen's bright smile, and it's glorious.

He may not realize how different he might feel opening his paychecks down the road, but there's no need to tell him yet. He'll find out soon enough, as we all have, so let's just let him enjoy this moment of bliss. He's earned it.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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Why Gen Z’s 'career minimalism' is the future of work

Every generation could learn from the workforce's youngest.

Photo credit: Canva

Gen Z employees.

Forget the corner office. Gen Z is rewriting the rules of professional success—and their approach might save us all from burnout.

While previous generations dutifully climbed the corporate ladder rung by rung, Gen Z is choosing to do things differently. These youngsters, born between 1997 and 2012, embrace a clear philosophy: work should fund your life, not consume it. It's a simple dogma. This emerging trend, dubbed "career minimalism," goes beyond the corporate buzzword, representing a fundamental shift that challenges what we thought we knew about ambition, success, and the definition of "making it" in today's economy.


The great corporate ladder exodus

The statistics are striking: 68% of Gen Z workers claim that they would not pursue management roles unless they came with higher pay or a better title. This isn't laziness—it's a well-thought-out strategy. Generation Z watched Millennials sacrifice their twenties to corporate culture, only to face economic uncertainty, housing crises, and unprecedented stress levels.

Gen Z is boldly saying "No thanks" to that traditional blueprint.

Janel Abrahami, Glassdoor’s Career Pivot Strategist, puts it perfectly. "Gen Z is more willing to embrace a flex mindset than older generations," Abrahami tells Upworthy. "While past generations often prioritized climbing the corporate ladder, Gen Z is looking for the career equivalent of a lily pad: a sustainable route where they can jump to whatever opportunity best fits their needs at the moment. That could mean taking a pay cut for more free time, accepting a lower title for a more creative role, or switching to an industry they see as more stable—since 70% of Gen Z questions their job security as AI advances in the workplace, many are proactively moving toward sectors like skilled trades, healthcare, and education."


young, gen z, working, professionals, career Person with pink hair typing on laptop. Photo credit: Canva

This lily pad mentality represents a profound shift in how an entire generation views professional growth. Instead of linear progression within a single company, Gen Z sees their careers as a series of strategic moves that prioritize personal fulfillment, financial stability, and—crucially—time for the things that actually matter to them.

Generation side hustle

Despite the moniker "career minimalism," 57% of Gen Z employees have at least one side hustle—more than any generation before them. Is it about the money? Not exactly. For Gen Z, side hustles are where their ambition thrives.

Nearly half (49%) of Gen Z side hustlers say their primary motivation is to be their own boss, while 42% are driven by the desire to pursue their passions. These numbers tell a story about a generation that refuses to wait for opportunities. When their 9-to-5 doesn't provide creative fulfillment or meaningful impact, they create it themselves.

A teacher in Iowa sums it up, saying, "I always joke that I don't dream of labor… If people were truly passionate about their job, it wouldn't pay anything. Passion is for your 5-9 after the 9-5."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Similarly, a research analyst echoes this sentiment, saying, "While having a job that you're passionate about is really cool, it's important to have other interests that are not tied to your work life."

The broader statistics are even more telling: 66% of Gen Z and Millennials have started or plan to start side hustles, with 65% intending to continue their entrepreneurial ventures through 2025. Meaning, this isn't a phase—it's a fundamental reimagining of how work fits into a fulfilling life. The pattern is clear: younger generations are diversifying their income streams and refusing to put all their professional eggs in one corporate basket.

Work-life balance as a non-negotiable priority

While older generations might view work-life balance as a nice idea, Gen Z regards it as essential infrastructure for a sustainable life. Thirty-two percent of Gen Z rank work-life balance as the most critical aspect of a job, compared to 28% of Millennials and 25% of Gen X. More significantly, they're willing to prioritize this balance over higher compensation—a move that would have been unthinkable to previous generations entering the workforce.

"Employers may be surprised by the changing attitudes of Gen Z in the workplace," says Abrahami. "However, this doesn't mean that Gen Z is abandoning work; instead, they are redefining ambition through career minimalism. If Gen Z feels unsupported in achieving the work-life balance they seek, they may become less motivated or start looking for opportunities that align better with their values and lifestyles."

young, gen z, working, professionals, career Young working professionals. Photo credit: Canva

Gen Z is working smarter, not harder: Seventy-three percent of Gen Z employees want permanent flexible work alternatives, and they're not just asking—they're demanding. Companies that fail to adapt are losing talent rapidly. Research shows that 72% of Gen Z workers have considered leaving a job because of inflexible policies. Meanwhile, organizations offering flexible work arrangements see 78% higher retention rates among Gen Z employees. When companies listen to their employees' preferences, everyone wins.

Empathy is the key to Gen Z's management style

As Gen Z enters management roles—they make up over 10% of managers in 2025—this generation is bringing a different leadership philosophy to the table. Gone are the days of barking orders, wielding fear, and pitting direct reports against each other: Gen Z leaders prioritize emotional intelligence, collaboration, and authentic connection with their teams.

Gen Z managers focus on:

Seventy-seven percent of Gen Z consider organizational values when choosing an employer, and as they move into leadership roles, they ensure those values are lived, not just posted on company websites.

The companies (already) getting it right

Innovative organizations understand the importance of the Gen Z workforce, with many getting a head start on adapting to their preferences. The results speak for themselves. Goldman Sachs moved to a flexible dress code in 2019, General Motors eliminated its 10-page dress code in favor of a simple "dress appropriately" policy, and companies like Google offer flexible time off and comprehensive mental health support. Other companies, such as Microsoft, have introduced therapy stipends and on-demand counseling sessions to cater to Gen Z's work values.

Canva provides a standout example: through initiatives like "Force for Good," the company encourages employees to contribute over 10,000 hours annually to community projects. This commitment to purpose-driven work has helped Canva achieve a 92% employee satisfaction rate.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

These changes aren't just nice-to-haves—they're competitive advantages. Companies that embrace Gen Z-friendly policies are seeing measurable improvements in engagement, retention, and overall performance.

What every generation can learn from career minimalism

Gen Z's approach to work is not radical; it's rational. After watching previous generations sacrifice their health, relationships, and personal fulfillment for corporate success that often proved fleeting, Gen Z chose a different path.

These lessons are valuable for everyone, regardless of age:

Boundaries create sustainability. Gen Z's insistence on work-life balance is a nugget of wisdom. By setting clear boundaries, they dodge the burnout that has plagued older generations and create space for long-term productivity and creativity.

Diversification reduces risk. While previous generations sought security in a single employer, Gen Z believes that proper security comes from multiple income streams and transferable skills. Their side hustles are money-generating insurance policies against rapidly changing industries and A.I.

Values-driven work increases engagement. When work aligns with personal values, engagement and performance naturally increase. Gen Z's demand for meaningful work benefits everyone by forcing companies to clarify their purpose and impact.

Flexibility enhances productivity. The data is precise: flexible work arrangements lead to higher retention, better performance, and increased job satisfaction across all generations.

For Abrahami, the way Gen Z operates in the workplace feels like a breath of fresh air, and she encourages managers to get to know their Gen Z direct reports. "Gen Z’s habits will continue to shape our workforce, so it's important employers take the time to truly understand them," Abrahami notes. "Their approach isn’t about laziness; rather, it’s a new representation of how they define success. They want sustainable careers that align with their goals, whether that means prioritizing a job that prevents burnout or one that provides security from layoffs. Older generations have much to learn from Gen Z, and we’re likely to start to see these values become more widely accepted."

young, gen z, working, professionals, career Gen Z coworkers.Photo credit: Canva

The future of work belongs to Gen Z

Gen Z's philosophy in the workplace offers a compelling answer to the age-old question: "What if there's a better way?" Their formula is refreshingly simple: stable jobs for security, side hustles for passion, and strict boundaries for sustainability.

As workplace dynamics continue to evolve, the rise of career minimalism—fueled by Gen Z's values—will reshape not only how we define professional success but also how we experience fulfillment. The future of work may belong not to the climbers, but to those content to hop from lily pad to lily pad with purpose and self-awareness.

The corner office can keep its view. Gen Z has found something better: a career that actually fits their life, instead of consuming it. And honestly? The rest of us should take notes.

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Single guy asks married men their biggest regrets. It's heartbreaking and hopeful all at once.

"My faith in the institution of marriage is restored"

Photo credit: Canva

Man asks married men their biggest marriage regret, they deliver.

Not everyone wants to get married, but for those that do, marriage is considered one big 'final' step in a relationship. It's something that people think about from the time they can grasp the concept of relationships. When you factor that in with the high divorce rate, it makes sense that people want to ensure they're getting it right before taking the leap.

Typically, people ask their close inner circle for relationship advice. Leaning on people like their parents, siblings or friends who have been married to fill in the gaps of knowledge. However, with the world becoming smaller than ever due to social media, it takes little effort to gather collective knowledge from thousands of people within your target audience.

Surprisingly, people are pretty forthcoming to strangers on the internet looking for support and help. One man who goes by the name King Boiza decided to ask his internet advisors, "Married men, what is your greatest regret about marriage? Advise the single boys. It could be about anything." The married men didn't hesitate to answer the call in the most genuinely wholesome way.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, married couple, married man, marriage A happily married couple.via Canva/Photos

Gleaning collective wisdom from those more experienced than you is a common practice, but being able to do it in such a significant way is relatively new. Different life experiences lead to different perspectives that can be invaluable to someone still learning.

The advice provided ranged from warnings to what could be seen as universal truths about marriage.

"Your wife becomes the words you speak upon her, I regret not speaking life and good upon her," one man shares.

"In times of trouble, remember...It's not you against her but the both of you, against the problem...," someone writes.

"Listen when she speaks from the heart, once she feels unheard, she will be closed off for a long time if not forever," another advises.

"Not all women age gracefully with all their good looks and physique. Marry her for more reasons beyond her body and beauty. Seek a FOREVER," one commenter says.

"The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. NEVER," a man wrote.

"Don’t let the family you come from destroy the family you create," a commenter added.

"Be the partner you're looking for!" a man wrote.

"The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together," a married man wrote.

"Remember that you are not married to your idea of your wife but to who your wife is. Love her for who is she is not who you want her to be," one man commented.

"No regrets, just advice I’ve adhered to for 15+years of marriage. Lead by example. Create the emotional space for her that you want mirrored. Set boundaries and always keep your word above all else!" a commenter wrote.

"Sometimes all you have to do is listen to her," a man wrote.

divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, wedding, pastor, reverend, marriage vows A couple getting married.via Canva/Photos

Forbes reports that 43% of first marriages end in divorce with the number significantly increasing with each subsequent marriage. Finding out the regrets, struggles and triumphs of other marriages may help others feel more prepared to commit to marriage with a bit of a roadmap laid in front of them.

It's clear from the comments under the post that marriage takes work and while some of the men admittedly misstepped, they seem eager to share with others so they avoid the same mistakes.

"My biggest regret in marriage was to cheat, and I'm telling you...my wife was never the same...so my advice is never cheat, never ever," one guy confesses.


divorce, marriage, biggest marriage regret, reasons for divorce, marriage advice, single men, marriage questions Kingboiza asks men about marriage.www.tiktok.com


"We tend to take our spouse for granted once we get married. Continue to invest your time in her. You won't regret it and she'll know that you really see her," one man shares.

But it wasn't only men who dropped by the comment section. Women stopped to share their appreciation for the wisdom being left for all to see.

"After reading this comment section, my faith in the institution of marriage is restored. Relationships are not perfect, but we gotta try with people who want to try," one woman writes.

"I don't know why I'm crying...I guess I never knew men like these existed...Your wives must be blessed," another woman shares.

If you need a dose of healthy masculinity and wholesome advice for lasting partnerships, look no further than that comment section. They're saving some future couple from heartache by simply showing up to answer a stranger's question on the internet.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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A 92-yr-old former ballet dancer with dementia wrote this achingly beautiful poem about aging

Poetry can help people with dementia find their voice, and the results are incredible.

Photo credit: Canva

"I am still a dancer made of song."

Poetry is an oft-misunderstood, but incredibly powerful art form. Humans have been writing poetry for thousands of years, communicating feelings and ideas in beautiful, powerful ways that prose just can't quite reach. Poetry can be hard to define, but you know it when you see it—or rather, when you feel it.

Emily Dickinson once wrote, “If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry.” A poem hits you somewhere—your brain, your heart, your gut. And one poem that packs an incredibly moving punch has come from an unlikely source—an elderly woman with dementia.

elderly woman, dementia, caregiver, poetry, former dancer A woman with dementia wrote a poem with one of her children and it's bringing people to tears. Photo credit: Canva

Poet Joseph Fasano shared a message from a fan who shared that they had brought his book, "The Magic Words: Simple Poetry Prompts That Unlock the Creativity in Everyone," to their mother, a 92-year-old former ballet dancer living with dementia. The mother was excited to write a poem, and they slowly worked through a prompt from the book together aloud.

This poem was the result:

"Let the days be warm

Let the fall be long.

Let every child inside me find her shoes

and dance wildly, softly, toward the world.

I have a story I have never told

Once, when I was small,

I looked up at the sky and saw the wind

and knew I was a dancer made of song.

I am still a dancer made of song."

Wow. What a testament to the power of poetry to reach beyond our usual modes of communication, which dementia so cruelly disrupts. In a few simple lines, we're able to see this woman as she might see herself, as the human living under the veils of age and disease: "I am still a dancer made of song."

Poetry prompts can help people express themselves

The person who shared the poem thanked Fasano for "helping people find their voices," which is exactly what his book of poetry prompts was meant to do.

The Magic Words book by Joseph Fasano, poetry prompts "The Magic Words" is a book of poetry prompts from Joseph Fasano. Amazon


In the book's introduction, Fasano shares that he'd been invited to speak to a class of second graders in New Jersey in 2022 to share "the craft and magic of poetry." As part of his efforts, he came up with a poetry prompt that could "help guide their imaginations" and "unlock the images, thoughts and feelings inside them, without asking them to worry about how to structure a poem." He called the results "astonishing." When he shared one of the students' poems on social media, it and the prompt took off like wildfire, as people who never thought of themselves as poets felt empowered to share their imaginations within that framework.

From 7-year-olds to 92-year-olds, anyone can benefit from the self-expression that poetry facilitates, but many people feel hesitant or intimidated by the idea of writing a poem. Fasano writes, "Poetry is what happens when we let ourselves be," and this idea seems so clear than in the former dancer's poem above. Dementia can create roadblocks, but poetry provides a different avenue of communication.

Caregivers try many different ways to communicate with people living with dementia. Photo credit: Canva

The arts can be a powerful tool for people with dementia

Using poetry to help dementia patients communicate and express themselves isn't just wishful thinking. Studies have demonstrated that cultural arts interventions, including poetry specifically, can be beneficial for people with dementia. In fact, the Alzheimer's Poetry Project (APP) aims to use poetry as a means of improving the quality of life of people living with dementia by facilitating creative expression. "We do not set boundaries in our beliefs in what possible for people with memory impairment to create," the APP website states. "By saying to people with dementia, we value you and your creativity; we are saying we value all members of our community."

Fasano has shared that a team of doctors has begun using his poetry prompts to "give people with dementia a voice again."

Poet Gary Glazner, who founded APP, shared a story with WXPR radio about how he came up with the idea while studying poetry at Sonoma State University:

“I applied for a grant and got a grant to work at an adult care program. The moment I love to share with people is there was a guy in the group, head down, not participating and I said the Longfellow poem. ‘I shot an arrow into the air’ and his eyes popped open and he said, ‘It fell to earth I know not where.’ And suddenly he was with us and participating. It was just this powerful moment to see how poetry could be of use to elders but specifically with people with dementia."

Whether we read it, write it, speak it or hear it, poetry has the power to reach people of all ages in all kinds of mysterious ways.

You can follow Joseph Fasano on Twitter and Instagram, and find his books on Amazon.

This article originally appeared last year. It has been updated.

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