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10 former bullies share what inspired them to become kinder

Change is possible.

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Bullying is often modeled by parental behavior.

Bullies are made, not born. Bullying traits might be picked up in a variety of ways, but violence, aggression and cruelty are most certainly learned behaviors during a child’s development.

The book “The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Child and Adolescent Psychology,” co-authored by psychiatrist Jack C. Westman M.D. and science writer Victoria Costello, lists five major factors that most often lead to bullying: physical punishment, watching aggressive behavior in adults, violent television, problems with processing emotions and undiagnosed mental illness.

The underlying theme in these causes? A lack of empathy. Bullies are often taught—whether directly or subversively—that dominance and control are more vital than compassion and understanding. This results in pain for not only the intended target, but for the oppressor themselves.

how to stop a bullyHurt people hurt people. Photo by yang miao on Unsplash

But just as it can be learned, bullying can be unlearned—through supportive friendships, trusted role models and maybe even professional help. People are always capable of change when given the necessary tools to do so.

Recently, a Reddit user asked former bullies (and former “mean girls,” for as we all know this is not necessarily a gender-specific phenomenon) to share what “finally brought a change.”

The answers were inspiring. They not only showed that yes, the adage is true, “hurt people hurt people,” but also that powerful transformation can happen simply by taking accountability. Many of these former bullies admitted to growing up in less-than-ideal environments and did not know any other way to cope. But eventually they were given fresh insight, and with that were better able to choose kindness.

The world might seem like a cold and uncaring place at times, but these 10 stories are a beautiful reminder that change is always possible.

“Wasn't really a bully but I wasn't nice either. I…was mean to people who I thought deserved it, and it didn't help that there were also other people who were just as mean and judgmental as I was. It got to the point that I was needlessly fighting my friends and only when I was confronted about my attitude and I got to hear my friend's perspective that I shifted.

…Took a lot of time and educated myself on how to be better. Also therapy lol. Anger management, anxiety management, etc. I couldn't erase who I was and I accept that part of me. I'm not saying I'm all perfect now…I know there's still a lot of work to do, but all in all it's loads better than before. I'm glad I had the chance to grow up and get better." – @AnxiousCrownNinja

“Right after high school was the turning point for me… I was having a lot of discord with my own friends due to my attitude and it took hearing their honest feedback about how my approach was alienating them for me to start doing major self reflection. I decided I didn't want people to fear me and I certainly didn't want to alienate my own friends, so I started talking less and listening more. I made an honest effort to care more about people as individuals-I got interested in the unique strengths each person brings to the table and did what I could to start learning from others. I humbled myself a lot over the years. I worked on saying I'm sorry and admitting when I was wrong. And years later I've gotten into therapy to continue to work on myself. I'll never be warm and fuzzy as that's just not my personality, but I'm a much better person than I was when I was younger.” – @Babhak

“Was essentially bullied at home by my family and I took it out on those around me. Thankfully I had some friends that let me know I was being a dick and I apologized to the people I hurt, I'll always hate myself for the way I acted and I don't think that will ever change. I still catch myself being a grumbling asshole sometimes but I will never let myself be who I used to be.” – @raikonai

“I got a job as a video game tester and worked with people who were bullied when they were younger. We'd tell stories and things I found funny they found traumatic and mean. As cliche as it is, I never thought about it from their perspective or thought my behavior was bullying until then. Helped me see it from the other side, I'm much more empathic now. Pretty ashamed about my behavior when I was younger.” – @GCJallDAY

“When I realized I was just like my dad, and I really dislike my dad.” – @kastawamy

what cause bullying, cyberbullying

We don't have to become our parents.

Photo by Muhmed Alaa El-Bank on Unsplash

“I come from a small town where families have generational feuds. It also didn't help that my family is poor and very ghetto/redneck and very racially mixed. All of my aunts and uncles and parents are some form of addict in one way or another. I didn't have a chance. I truly didn't. The kids I went to school with weren't allowed to hang out with me and my siblings. I remember going to a friend's house and their parents asked me my last name and they told me to leave once they heard it. I was severely bullied in elementary school and teachers didn't care to help because of the family I came from. I had one teacher just be vicious to me because my mom was selling her kid weed. I was pretty much feral and didn't have manners and just in general an autistic kid.

So I quickly learned that anger was the best shield. I bullied my bullies back. They can't catch you off guard if you're the attacker. I fought the people who came at my family with as much violence as they gave me. It bled onto kids who were friends with my bullies. They turned into essentially collateral damage. I was a bully but I was also the blood in the water in a school system that encouraged violence. It's taken me a long time to deal with [what] my home town put me through. I switched towns and changed my name. That helped a lot. I ended up in juvy after a giant fight with several family members. To say I was scared straight is an understatement. I was required to go to group therapy as part of the program I was put in to reform me. The judge knew my family and gave me a shot I took advantage of. He played a huge role in my mindset on my circumstance. I learned how to handle my trauma in a more productive way over the course of years and so much hard work. I ended up having to change my name so I wouldn't be harassed by cops and those who knew my family.

I'll definitely say this again—I grew up in a system where you had to do everything you could to survive. I can't really stomach what I did…I've left apologies in so many inboxes as an adult. I've even made friends with some of them.” – @beastgalblue

“Over time and with new experiences, I stopped hating myself and my life. Then, I started seeing value in my existence and realized I actually impacted people. Happiness, for myself and others, became my reason for living. My middle school health teacher used to tell us that bullies are hurting and that's why they bully. Miss Costello, wherever you are, you were right. I've never met a bully who was happy with themselves or their life. I tell my students all the time that hurt people hurt people, and I stand by that. The fastest way to help a bully change is to show them love, kindness, and compassion.” – @mha3620

“I was a mean girl. Cheer, popular, thought I was better than everyone else. During summer break in high school I went to camp. I was bullied by some of the other girls there so relentlessly. From hazing, to humiliating me, lying to get me in trouble. It was bad. After that I changed. Wish it was earlier.” – @lesbomommy

means girls, girl bullies

Learning from mistakes is all part of the human experience.

Photo by Scotty Turner on Unsplash

“I was one of those jocks who picks on the weaker kids who couldn’t really defend themselves, in order to make the crowd laugh…It was never anything too physical or over the top, so parents or others never got involved, but I know that I made life a pain for some individuals while in elementary school.

Anyhow, this PE teacher of mine took me into his office after hours one day and explained that I should try to use my authority better, and that while it might feel good to make others laugh on someone else's behalf, it feels a lot better to be an overall good guy.

Never really had any good male influence in my life before that, so that really stuck with me, and from high school and onward I tried to reach out and confront others in school that bullied others. Oftentimes we just don’t know better.” – @KingBob3922

“I grew up in an abusive home and did it out of self-protection. Verbally hurt them before they could hurt you. I know my behavior didn’t make me popular or really make me feel better but I needed to lash out on the easiest targets. fast forward to having no friends in my mid 20 s and needed to figure out why.

I actually became friends with older coworkers [and] as a proxy parental influence they gently guided me. ‘Why would you say that to someone? Why would you say that about yourself? Why do you talk that way? Why is everything a fight? What's wrong with being different? What's wrong with making mistakes?’ No judgments, just gentle questions that I couldn't answer until I looked hard at myself.

I'm glad that someone took the time to see past my anger, my pushing people away, my misery and saw a young person that just needed some kindness.” – @OrdinaryPride8811

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National Geographic Documentary Films
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Family

Nat Geo's 'Blink' tracks a family finding beauty while facing blindness as they travel the globe

“Let's go all in and fill their visual memory with as much beauty as we can."

via Edith Lemay/NatGeo

Mia, Leo, Colin, and Laurent Pelletier pose on top of their camper van in front of adouble rainbow while in Mongolia.

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“Blink,” a new film by National Geographic Documentary Films shows how a family with four children, three of whom are going blind, embraces life in the face of an uncertain future. It’s a testament to the resilience of the Lemay-Pelletier family but also a reminder for all of us to seize the day because all our futures are uncertain.

Edith Lemay and Sébastien Pelletier are the parents of Mia, a 13-year-old girl, and three boys: Léo, 11, Colin, 9, and Laurent, 7. Over the last six years, they’ve learned that Mia and the two youngest boys have retinitis pigmentosa, a rare genetic disease in which the cells of the retina slowly die. As the disease progresses, the person develops “tunnel vision” that shrinks until very little vision remains.

The diagnosis devastated the parents. "The hardest part with the diagnosis was inaction. There's nothing they can do about it. There's no treatment,” Edith says in the film.

However, even though the parents couldn’t affect the progress of the disease, they could give their children’s senses an epic experience that would benefit them for a lifetime.

“We don’t know how fast it’s going to go, but we expect them to be completely blind by mid-life,” said the parents. Mia’s impairment advisor suggested they fill her visual memory with pictures from books. “I thought, I’m not going to show her an elephant in a book; I’m going to take her to see a real elephant,” Edith explains in the film. “And I’m going to fill her visual memory with the best, most beautiful images I can.”

The Pelletier family (from left): Mia, Sebastien, Colin, Edith Lemay, Laurent and Leo inKuujjuaq, Canada.via National Geographic/Katie Orlinsky

This realization led to an inspiring year-long journey across 24 countries, during which every family member experienced something on their bucket list. Mia swam with dolphins, Edith rode a hot-air balloon in Cappadocia, and Léo saw elephants on safari.

Colin realized his dream of sleeping on a moving train while Sébastien saw the historic site of Angkor Wat.

“We were focusing on sights,” explains Pelletier. “We were also focusing a lot on fauna and flora. We’ve seen incredible animals in Africa but also elsewhere. So we were really trying to make them see things that they wouldn’t have seen at home and have the most incredible experiences.”

Cameras followed the family for 76 days as they traveled to far-flung locales, including Namibia, Mongolia, Egypt, Laos, Nepal and Turkey. Along the way, the family made friends with local people and wildlife. In a heartbreaking scene, the boys wept as the family had to leave behind a dog named Bella he befriended in the mountains of Nepal.

But the film isn't just about the wonders of nature and family camaraderie. The family's trip becomes a “nightmare” when they are trapped in a cable car suspended hundreds of feet above the Ecuadorian forest for over 10 hours.

annapurna range, blink, nat geoLeo, Laurent, Edith, Colin, Mia, and Sebastien look out at the mountains in the Annapurna range.via MRC/Jean-Sébastien Francoeur

As expected, NatGeo’s cinematographers beautifully capture the family's journey, and in the case of “Blink,” this majestic vision is of even greater importance. In some of the film's quietest moments, we see the children taking in the world's wonders, from the vast White Desert in Egypt to a fearless butterfly in Nepal, with the full knowledge that their sight will fail one day.

Along the way, the family took as many pictures as possible to reinforce the memories they made on their adventure. “Maybe they’ll be able to look at the photographs and the pictures and they will bring back those stories, those memories, of the family together,” Edith says.

But the film is about more than travel adventures and the pain of grief; ultimately, it’s about family.

“By balancing [the parents’ grief] with a more innocent and joyous tale of childlike wonder and discovery, we felt we could go beyond a mere catalog of locations and capture something universal,” the directors Edmund Stenson and Daniel Roher, said in a statement. “Keeping our camera at kid-height and intimately close to the family, we aimed to immerse the audience in the observational realities of their daily life, as well as the subtle relationships between each of them. This is a film built on looks, gestures and tiny details—the very fabric of our relationships with one another.”

Ultimately, “Blink” is a great film to see with your loved ones because it’s a beautiful reminder to appreciate the wonders of our world, the gift of our senses and the beauty of family.

The film will open in over 150 theaters in the U.S. and Canada beginning Oct. 4 and will debut on National Geographic Channel and stream on Disney+ and Hulu later this year. Visit the “Blink” website for more information.

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Education

The one sign that someone is highly intelligent, according to literary genius Leo Tolstoy

He was a master of understanding the human condition.

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File:L.N.Tolstoy Prokudin-Gorsky.jpg - Wikipedia

Leo Tolstoy was a Russian novelist known for epic works such as"War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina.” His life experiences—from witnessing war to spiritual quests—profoundly influenced his writings and gave him profound insights into the human soul.

His understanding of emotions, motivations and moral dilemmas has made his work stand the test of time, and it still resonates with people today.

Juan de Medeiros, a TikTokker who shares his thoughts on philosophy, recently shared how Tolstoy knew if someone was highly intelligent, and his observation says something extraordinary about humanity.

“The more intelligent a person is, the more he discovers kindness in others,” Tolstoy once wrote. “For nothing enriches the world more than kindness. It makes mysterious things clear, difficult things easy, and dull things cheerful.”

@julianphilosophy

Intelligent people are kind #intelligent #intelligence #kindness #smart #tolstoy #men #women

De Medeiros boiled down Tolstoy’s thoughts into a simple statement: “Intelligent people are unafraid to be kind.” He then took things a step further by noting that Tolstoy believed in the power of emotional intelligence. "To have emotional intelligence is to see the good in other people, that is what Tolstoy meant, that to be intelligent is to be kind," he added.

It seems that, according to de Medeiros, Tolstoy understood that intelligent people are kind and perceptive of the kindness in others. The intelligent person is conscious of the kindness within themselves and in the world around them.

Through the words of Tolstoy, de Medeiros makes a point that is often overlooked when people talk about intelligence. Truly smart people are as in touch with their hearts as they are with their minds.


This article originally appeared on 10.13.23

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Pop Culture

Snoop Dogg shares what made him change his tune on 'derogatory' lyrics about women

Here's to being willing to learn and evolve.

Photo Credit: TechCrunch/Wikimedia

Snoop Dogg has become a beloved figure among all ages.

Few people in the public eye have had as dramatic a redemption arc as 90s gansta rapper, Martha Stewart best bud and Olympics ambassador Snoop Dogg. The 52-year-old has become a beloved figure for multiple generations who enjoy his chill positivity and endearing, get-along-with-everyone persona.

No one who came of age in the 90s would ever have imagined their parents or grandparents becoming Snoop Dogg fans, yet here we are.

via GIPHY

The perpetually stoned G-funk star came onto the music scene as a bad boy of West Coast hip-hop in the early 90s, with a criminal rap sheet that included felony drug possession and sale and first-degree murder charges (for which he was acquitted). His music reflected his gangster lifestyle, with references to drugs and alcohol, deadly gang rivalries and derogatory slang terms for women.

But to his credit, a couple of key interactions with other musicians led Snoop to change his tune when it comes to putting misogynistic lyrics into his songs.

Dionne Warwick told Snoop and his friends to say it to her face

In 2023, Snoop shared in the CNN film Dionne Warwick: Don’t Make Me Over that singing legend Dionne Warwick had invited him and some other 90s rappers to her house. They were to arrive no later than 7:00 a.m., and they found themselves so intimidated, they were in her driveway at 6:52 a.m..

"We were kind of, like, scared and shook up,” Snoop said. “We’re powerful right now, but she’s been powerful forever. Thirty-some years in the game, in the big home with a lot of money and success.”

Warwick said she respected their right to express themselves but was tired of the misogynistic lyrics in their songs. She pulled a power move, demanding that they call her a "b__ch" to her face.

"“You guys are all going to grow up,” she told them. “You’re going have families. You’re going to have children. You’re going to have little girls, and one day that little girl is going to look at you and say, ‘Daddy, did you really say that? Is that really you?’ What are you going to say?”

Snoop said that he and his fellow rappers were "the most gangsta as you could be" at that time and believed they couldn't be checked. He admitted, however, that Warwick "out-gangstered" them that day.

via GIPHY

Another musician who caused Snoop to rethink his language was Pharrell Williams. In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, Snoop said of his earlier career, ""I was stuck in a box with keeping it gangster and trying to appease the hood,” he says. "I had one singular target that I was aiming at and really didn't have room to grow."

Pharrell Williams encouraged Snoop to show love and appreciation to the women in his life

Pharrell was instrumental in Snoop's 2003 hit, "Beautiful," which Snoop said he would never have written in the 90s. "He tapped me into the side that I really never paid attention to," Snoop said. "He was like, 'You've been rapping about women and calling them and h--s and they love you. When are you going to take time to show them that you love them and appreciate them?'"'

"I had to think," said Snoop. "I was like, 'Damn. I am kind of hard on them. Let me listen to you. What should I do?'"

In the studio, Williams began naming off all of the women in Snoop's family. "I was like, 'I get it ... put the beat on,'" Snoop said. "Since then I've been on more of a respect my queen rather than use derogatory words to explain my feeling towards females."

What these stories show is what makes Snoop Dogg so universally likeable—his willingness to learn and grow, even as he's turned into Grandpa Snoop.

"I just want to keep getting better and better, and being around people that want to see me do better," he told PEOPLE. "Even if that means that I'm not the smartest person in the room, that don't offend me because that means more learning rather than teaching."

i.giphy.com

Snoop is a good example of someone willing to evolve

Being open to your own evolution is a remarkable trait, especially when it's so easy to become entrenched in our own ideas and identities as we age. You don't have to listen to rap music or share his penchant for weed to acknowledge that Snoop seems genuinely down-to-earth and willing to learn and grow. We've seen it in his appearances with Martha Stewart and in his Olympic commentary. He listens. He's curious. He engages whole-heartedly. Those qualities draw people in, but they also allow for growth and positive change.

As Snoop said to Warwick after sharing the story of her special invitation to her house all those years ago, "“Dionne, I hope I became the jewel that you saw when I was the little, dirty rock that was in your house. I hope I’m making you proud.”

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Gen Zer asks Gen X how they got around without GPS and the answers are perfectly accurate

"We're old. Older than Google, too."

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Gen Zer asks how people got around without GPS, Gen X responds

It's easy to forget what life was like before cell phones fit in your pocket and Google could tell you the meaning of life in less than .2 seconds. Gen Z is the first generation to be born after technology began to move faster than most people can blink. They never had to deal with the slow speeds and loud noises of dial up internet.

In fact, most people that fall in the Gen Z category have no idea that their parents burned music on a CD thinking that was peak mix tape technology. Oh, how wrong they were. Now songs live in a cloud but somehow come out of your phone without having to purchase the entire album or wait until the radio station plays the song so you can record it.

But Gen Z has never lived that struggle so the idea of things they consider to be basic parts of life not existing are baffling to them. One self professed Gen Zer, Aneisha, took to social media to ask a question that has been burning on her mind–how did people travel before GPS?

Now, if you're older than Gen Z–whose oldest members are just 27 years old–then you likely know the answer to the young whippersnapper's question. But even some Millennials had trouble answering Aneisha's question as several people matter of factly pointed to Mapquest. A service that requires–you guessed it, the internet.

Aneisha asks in her video, "Okay, serious question. How did people get around before the GPS? Like, did you guys actually pull a map and like draw lines to your destination? But then how does that work when you're driving by yourself, trying to hold up the map and drive? I know it's Gen Z of me but I kind of want to know."

@aneishaaaaaaaaaaa I hope this reaches the right people, i want to know
♬ original sound - aneishaaaaaaa

These are legitimate questions for someone who has never known life without GPS. Even when most Millennials were starting to drive, they had some form of internet to download turn-by-turn directions, so it makes sense that the cohort between Gen Z and Gen X would direct Aneisha to Mapquest. But there was a time before imaginary tiny pirates lived inside of computer screens to point you in the right direction and tales from those times are reserved for Gen X.

The generation known for practically raising themselves chimed in, not only to sarcastically tell Millennials to sit down but to set the record straight on what travel was like before the invention of the internet. Someone clearly unamused by younger folks' suggestion shares, "The people saying mapquest. There was a time before the internet kids."

Others are a little more helpful, like one person who writes, "You mentally note landmarks, intersections. Pretty easy actually," they continue. "stop at a gas station, open map in the store, ($4.99), put it back (free)."

"Believe it or not, yes we did use maps back then. We look at it before we leave, then take small glances to see what exits to take," someone says, which leaves Aneisha in disbelief, replying, "That's crazyy, I can't even read a map."

"Pulled over and asked the guy at the gas station," one person writes as another chimes in under the comment, "and then ask the guy down the street to make sure you told me right."

Imagine being a gas station attendant in the 90s while also being directionally challenged. Was that part of the hiring process, memorizing directions for when customers came in angry or crying because they were lost? Not knowing where you were going before the invention of the internet was also a bit of a brain exercise laced with exposure therapy for those with anxiety. There were no cell phones so if you were lost no one who cared about you would know until you could find a payphone to check in.

The world is so overly connected today that the idea of not being able to simply share your location with loved ones and "Ask Siri" when you've gotten turned around on your route seems dystopian. But in actuality, if you took a few teens from 1993 and plopped them into 2024 they'd think they were living inside of a sci-fi movie awaiting aliens to invade.

Technology has made our lives infinitely easier and nearly unrecognizable from the future most could've imagined before the year 2000, so it's not Gen Z's fault that they're unaware of how the "before times" were. They're simply a product of their generation.

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Groom moved to tears after finding out his bride secretly learned Armenian for their wedding

When she read her vows, he fell in love all over again.

@goodcostudios/TikTok

This is a moment he'll never forget.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all when it comes to romantic wedding moments, a story like this comes along and steals your heart once again.

In a now-video viral posted by filmmaker Chris Mai, owner ofGoodco Studios, we see Shahan Krakirian, an Armenian man, get absolutely blown away when he finds out his bride, Michelle Alacon Krakirian, a Filipino woman, had clandestinely been learning his native language.

It wasn’t until she began reciting her vows, in perfect Armenian, that her secret was revealed.

Shahan is instantly taken aback when Michelle begins to speak, his eyes tearing up. Michelle steadily keeps her cool as she says “I promise to learn Armenian for you, because I know how important it is for you that our children know and recognize Armenian.”

She continues “I promise that wherever this life takes us, peaks or valleys, I will always be with you and walk by your side.” By this point Shahan’s lip is, understandably, in full quiver mode.

Michelle then leaves it all on a humorous note, saying “I will be with you even if we must go to the place where the donkey dies,” referring to a common Armenian idiom meaning a “faraway place.” Kind of how we might say something is “in Timbuktu.”

@goodcostudios This bride secretly learned Armenian for months to finally surprise her partner during her wedding vows. There was not a dry eye in that moment. You can see how immediately and deeply Shahan understood the weight of that moment <3. #weddingvows #emotionalweddingvows #weddingvideo #weddingceremony #bridevows #armenianvows #bridesurprise #groomsurprise #vows #personalvows ♬ original sound - Goodco Studios

In an exclusive interview with The Armenian Report, Michelle shared how her heartfelt gesture was truly a labor of love. Shahan’s family speaks Western Armenian, a dialect primarily spoken by Armenians from Lebanon. And most of the tutors in her area taught Eastern Armenian. But she did finally land on one, and for the four months leading up to the big day, Michelle tirelessly studied.

“I had flashcards and notes that I kept hidden from him. There were times I thought he’d caught me, but luckily, he didn’t,” she recalled.

Well, her hard work paid off. The look on her husband’s face confirmed that. And all over social media, folks have been sharing just how much the moment meant for them as well.

Check out some of these sweet comments:

“It's inspiring to see individuals take such meaningful steps to honor and uplift the identities of their loved ones.”

“AWW a gesture that not only spoke volumes about their relationship also highlighted the lengths one would go to make their partner feel truly special on such a momentous occasion. oh to be love like this!”

“Those heartfelt acts can indeed make a relationship feel incredibly special and meaningful.”

“Bro just made the best decision of his life by marrying such a wonderful woman. Congratulations to both of you!”

“I believe in love again.”

As for Michelle’s advice to other multicultural couples, she tells The Armenian Report that learning about your partner’s heritage opens the doors to profound blessings.

“It might take extra effort, but if it’s important to you, it can be an incredibly rewarding experience.”

What a beautiful testament to how love can unify two different worlds to create something completely new. Congrats to the happy couple.

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Woman is shocked after learning the truth behind how people have such long lasting spray tans

"I will just continue to embrace my Morticia Addams aesthetic."

Photo credit: Canva

Woman is disgusted after learning truth behind lasting spray tans

Everyone doesn't tan easily and for some, reducing their risk of skin cancer and premature excess wrinkles is more important than laying out with a bottle of baby oil. For those that want a tan without the massive amounts of UV exposure, spray tanning is the a good option. You can get the sun kissed, recently back from vacation look without the risk.

The process is simple. You walk into a room and someone comes in with what looks like an airbrush gun and sprays a nice even layer or two of artificial melanin on your skin. It can even out your skin tone, leaving your skin looking healthy and more vibrant. There is a catch though–it's temporary.

Technically a summer tan acquired the old fashioned way is also temporary but it generally takes weeks or months to completely fade away. But a spray tan only lasts about 5-10 days depending on how well you "care" for it. A woman who goes by the name Miss Redacted on TikTok recently received her first spray tan, when given the instructions for how to extend the life of her spray tan through "proper care," she was left flabbergasted.

Of course when you get something done to your body you are expecting that there will be specific instructions on how to care for the new thing. Whether it's a piercing, tattoo or even a chemical peel, you expect an overload of informative care instructions before you're allowed to leave the place you received the service.

Season 10 Episode 3 GIF by FriendsGiphy

So the woman was not surprised to receive the rundown on making sure her skin remained glowingly sun kissed for as long as possible, what she wasn't expecting was the lack of care. Or maybe the better description would be the lack of hygiene required to maintain her newly tanned skin.

"Because recently I got a spray tan for the first time because I really like being tan but I don't want to have wrinkles later because I'm obviously very vain. So i went the first time and I expected that I wouldn't be able to shower normally for the first 12-24 hours and that didn't bother me that much because I'm like okay, I understand the tan has to like set in. I can be gross for a half a day, a day max, whatever, it's not that serious," Miss Redacted says before explaining the woman who did her spray tan began talking her through the process.

sexy amanda GIFGiphy

The confused woman recalls a roommate in college that used to get spray tanned all the time as she put the pieces together on hygiene and spray tans. She tells the person doing her spray tan that she generally showers twice a day using soap and a silicone scrubber to wash her entire body to which the spray tan artist immediately tells her not to use on her body because it will take her tan off.

"I was like, 'oh so don't use it the first shower?' and she was like 'no, like not at all.' And I was like 'what should I use instead of that,'" the first time customer asks.

suzy parker shower GIFGiphy

She was shocked to hear the artist tell her that she needed to switch to a wash cloth and only use it to wash her, "underarms, your bikini area, and under your bra line." Again, Miss Redacted clarifies that the artist means for the first shower only but the artist reiterates not to put soap on your body "at all" for the first shower, only using a wash cloth in the areas she previously mentioned. Once again, the woman was dumbfounded and asks again, what the spray tan artist means.

"I was like, 'what do you mean?' And she was like, 'if you want your tan to last the full 10 days, when you shower only use soap in those areas and just do water everywhere else,'" she says.

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There was no getting around the idea that in order for the spray tan to last the woman was not going to be able to properly wash herself and she was thoroughly uncomfortable with that idea, informing the artist that she was going to continue to bathe regularly. Miss Redacted was told that if she bathed like normal her spray tan would only last five or six days.

"Because I got down this rabbit hole I started reading about it on Reddit and some of the ways that girls were saying they maintained their spray tans is absolutely insane. Absolutely insane. Like y'all need a bath. Y'all need a...actually a hose down. Let's like put you in the yard with some Dawn, like you're one of the ducks in an oil spill. I think that's what's needed at this point," the woman jokes before clarifying that she doesn't think this is every woman getting spray tanned is avoiding bathing.

@awalmartparkinglot♬ original sound - miss redacted✨🪩🩷🇵🇸

But when it came to the ick factor over the ones who have been skipping the shower for weeks at a time, the woman wasn't the only one feeling the heebie jeebies. Commenters were also shocked and a little grossed out.

One person summoned knowledge from the legal scholar, Elle Woods, saying, "I can see not washing for 24 hours in order to not activate the ammonia thioglycolate."

"I will just continue to embrace my Morticia Addams aesthetic then because I will be scrubbing," another woman says.

"What do you mean? WHAT DO YOU MEAN," one person demands answers that likely involve soap and water.

"The first time I spray tanned, I used a washcloth and most of the tan came off. I knew at that moment people aren't showering properly. There is no way a spray tan is lasting 10 days," a commenter reveals.

Other people explain how they get their spray tans to last longer while continuing to shower daily by using tinted moisturizers and body lotions that have a gradual tanner in it. The consensus seems to be that regular spray tanning is expensive without finding an affordable alternative to maintain the tan between sessions while continuing to bathe, but spray tanning before a special occasion is preferred. Who knew hygiene after spray tanning was such an involved art form.

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