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fear

Mel Robbins and a woman looking at her smartphone.

Most people have a few hundred or more followers on social media, and it can be paralyzing to post something because even if you express a rather bland opinion, it’s bound to bother someone. It's also nerve-racking to post a photo of yourself or your family because you may be judged on your appearance.

You have a joke? Someone might find it unfunny. Went on vacation? A friend may subtly brag that they went somewhere nicer. Went out for a nice dinner? Your dietary choices may face scrutiny. Lost a few pounds and want to show off how good you look? You know who may get jealous.

How to post on social media without fear

The problem is, you’re letting others subtly control how you express yourself on social media. Mel Robbins, a podcast host, author, motivational speaker, and former lawyer, offers empowering advice for those holding you back: Let them.

@melrobbins

This is your sign to stop giving away your control to other people’s opinions… If you find that you take things personally, worry what other people think about you, are scared of being judged, or find that you can’t stop overthinking, you need to hear this episode of The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 “How to Stop Caring What People Think of You.” #melrobbins #melrobbinspodcast #letthem #peoplepleasing

“I want to remind you of something," Robbins says in a TikTok video. "Your social media is for your self-expression. It's for your business. It's for your artistry. It's not for your sorority sisters from college. It's not for your family. It's not for the women in your mother’s group. It's for you."

She adds that people’s reactions to your post are something that you have no control over. Instead, Robbins believes that you should take your life back by letting go of the need to control how others react to you.

Robbins' theory is so popular that she wrote an entire book about it, entitled The Let Them Theory.

“Let them think a negative thought about what you're gonna post," Robbins adds. "Let them unfollow you. Let them roll their eyes. Let them gossip. You can't control any of it anyway. The only thing you can control is you can control what you think of yourself...Let them think something negative. Let them do something negative, like unfollow you or write some comment or whatever...Let them know that the power is not in someone else. The power is in you.”

grandma, grand daughter, social media, photos, smartphone, park bench A granddaughter shares her social media post with grandmother.via Canva/Photos

Robbins is also clear that she’s talking about people looking to make posts about their business, a creative endeavor, or something about themselves that shows that they aren’t perfect. A lot of Robbins' work is about how to deal with difficult and toxic people, so she’s clearly not pushing people to feel free to make provocative posts that antagonize people, but to have the confidence to express themselves without worrying about pleasing everyone.

What is the locus of control?

Robbins' advice has its roots in psychology, in a concept known as the locus of control. It’s the extent to which people feel that the outcomes in their life are based on what they do (internal control orientation) or on events outside their personal control (external control orientation). When we say “Let them” to any host of reactions we get from people, we switch the locus of control to an internal setting, where we believe that by being unattached to opinions, we can better control the outcomes in our lives.

Next time you’re feeling a little trepidation before hitting “post,” don’t forget Robbins’ mantra: Let them. Their opinions don’t define you, but your willingness to share authentically does. Your social media feeds are your page to express your voice, not a monument to others’ expectations.

A little girl reminded costume designer Brandon Johnson and everyone online that you can’t judge something from the outside. A TikTok video making the rounds across the internet showcases Johnson’s fierce-looking “Spirit Walker” costume/puppet befriending with young Evona on the street.

Johnson brought his towering, four-legged Ghoul creature on the street to show off his creation to the public and drink in the shocked reactions from the passers-by. While the majority of the pedestrians were impressed or freaked out by the sharp fanged creature, little Evona just grinned and waved her hands.After such a wholesome interaction, Johnson reached out to Evona’s mother, Eboni, and set up a surprise playdate between her daughter and his “dinosaur,” as Evona affectionately called the puppet. After reuniting with smiles, kicking around a ball, and some playtime, Evona’s excitement doubled when she received a plush Spirit Walker “dinosaur” for her to take home.

@spiritwalker

Replying to @dustyzoogs she was the first person to get the plush in person. Meet Evana- thanks @eboniibishop for being a wonderful mother #spiritwalker #ghoul #cute #fyp #found


Commenters on Reddit loved the connection between the beast and the toddler.

“This little girl is so adorable! She proves that what one person sees that is frightening another can see the joy in.”

“Kids see what's inside, not just what's on the outside!”

“It's unfortunate we get older and lose that innocence.”

Fear is a natural instinct and response. Per the National Library of Medicine and several other scientists, it’s partially how humans as a species have been able to survive and thrive. It’s not a bad trait but can provide hurdles and limits for some.

For many people, fear has created lost opportunities, whether it is fear that’s holding you back at work, fear of other people’s opinions, or just fear of the unknown in general. What makes this interaction so special, viral, and interesting is that by all reason this little girl should have been terrified, crying, and running to her mom upon seeing Johnson’s creation. In fact, that’s the intended response Johnson was trying to get from adults.

Yet instead of fear, Evona chose curiosity. Through her curiosity, she was able to touch not the exterior creature but what was truly inside of it (in this case, it was Brandon Johnson). Because she approached a situation with curiosity, she got a fun afternoon and plush toy to enjoy rather than yet another unknown to add to her list of fears.

Choosing to be curious rather than scared isn’t just beneficial to cute and naive children. Per a BBC report, curiosity can help your brain naturally create new neural pathways and lead to better success at work and understanding others. There is even a study that suggests that it can actually help you live a longer life.

Obviously, the things you probably fear aren’t actual living, breathing monsters or even fake costumes or puppets of ones. It’s understandable to look away from something that isn’t “normal.” Shying away from something new or foreign is relatable. Feeling uneasy to ask a person out is totally natural. It’s you thinking that you’re protecting yourself. No shame in that.

But not asking a person out could rob you of a potential love, or at least a potential quality friendship. Not trying the new scary thing could rob you of your brand new hobby or vocation. Choosing to look away could rob you of a new path or opportunity that previously hasn’t come your way.

We can all learn something from little Evona. Sometimes opportunities and quality connections can come if we just control our fears, let curiosity guide us, and look into the beady-eyed, sharp-toothed mouth of an unknown experience and say, “Hello, dinosaur!”

Health

Mom shares a catchy song to use when you or your child is feeling worried

Whether we're 4 or 40, this little ditty is a good reminder of what we can and can't control.

mama nous/Instagram (used with permission)

"Worrying has never changed a thing."

Worrying is a very human habit, but one most of us wish we didn't do so much. The way our brains torture us about the future with worry, fear, and anxiety often starts very young, causing all sorts of woe as people grow up. Excessive worry can keep us from doing things that we enjoy and prevent us from taking reasonable risks. If we don't learn strategies for managing mental obstacles that get in our way, they can play far too big a role in our lives for far too long.

That's why a mantra/song called "worrying has never changed a thing" shared by a mother who goes by "mama nous" has captured so many people's minds and hearts. People are saying it's helping them personally as well as helping them help their kids who struggle with worry.

In a video on Instagram, mama nous shares that she's been singing the song to herself a lot lately, and that her 4-year-old had climbed up into her arm and requested it. "It's the kind of message that he might not need yet, but I hope it helps to plant seeds of resilience that he can draw on when he's ready," she wrote.

Watch:

'This song has actually literally reprogrammed my brain," mama nous writes. "As an anxious person, it's not that I don't worry anymore: it's just that when my brain starts to play its favorite trick of rehashing every mistake I've made that day when I'm in bed trying to go to sleep, there's a new voice that speaks up almost immediately."

Being able to challenge anxious thoughts with more helpful thoughts is a huge step in managing anxiety, and using a song that's so easy to draw from is such a great idea.

"She reminds me to take a breath," mama nous continues. "Then she asks if there's anything I can do about it in this moment. Can I gather information? Can I prepare? Can I talk to anyone in a way that would be helpful? So far the answer has always been no. And then I let out a big exhale knowing that in this moment, all I can do is trust + wait until there is something I can do. And then I am able to let it go."

In a follow-up post, mama nous shared the lyrics to the song, which can also be found on Spotify.

Check out how much people appreciate the helpful offering:

"This is such a wonderful mantra to have, and it absolutely has helped me this week! I love the video of you co-regulating with your child, too. Thank you so much!"

"My 3yo was captivated when I showed him the video of this song! He listened to it over and over!!! ❤️"

"My 6 year old has a message for this lady, " I like your song, it helps me go to sleep, and it helps me a lot to know how to not worry, thank you. X""

"As someone who struggles with anxiety and near-constant worry, this was very soothing and actually brought me to tears, and I will likely have it on repeat. 😭"

"I just wanted to let you know how much this song helped me and my son tonight. He was so disregulated and acting out hard.. eventually I played this a few times together, and it calmed him right down and he kissed me. Thank-you so much for your beautiful creations. We will sing it next time before we get to the points we did tonight."

"I started learning this for my students but on the third round, my voice wabbled so much, I realized it was more for my inner child. ❤️"

Fear is one of our strongest primal instincts, which makes worry and anxiety really tough to counter. It's not easy when it feels like your instinctual brain is working against your conscious brain, but tools like this song can be surprisingly powerful in helping your conscious thoughts override the more instinct-driven ones.

You can follow mama nous on Instagram for more musical tools and gentle parenting inspiration.

Courtesy of Molly Simonson Lee

Flight attendant sits on floor to comfort passenger

Not everyone enjoys flying. The level of non-enjoyment can range from mild discomfort to full blown Aerophobia, which is defined as an extreme fear of flying. While flying is the quickest way to get to far away destinations, for some people being that far off the ground is terrifying and they'd rather take their chances on the ground.

A passenger flying from Charlotte-Douglas International Airport in North Carolina to JFK International Airport in New York confronted that fear while flying with Delta. The woman, who is currently still unidentified expressed that she was nervous to fly according to Molly Simonson Lee, a passenger seated behind the woman who witnessed the encounter. Tight spaces don't make for much privacy, but in this case, the world is better for knowing this took place.



According to Lee, who posted about the exchange on Facebook, the Delta flight attendant, Floyd Dean-Shannon, took his time to give the nervous traveler his undivided attention. Lee told Upworthy the unidentified passenger, "was very nervous and even before the plane took off, she was visibly shaken by each sound."

Approximately 25 million people in the United States have Aerophobia according to the Clevland Clinic and most of them probably wish Dean-Shannon was on their flights. "He took notice and began explaining what each [sound] was, with the warmest, calmest tone," Lee said. That wasn't even the most amazingly sweet part of the story.

While the explanation of noises helped, Lee said about halfway through the flight the passenger was fighting back tears, which prompted Dean-Shannon to sit on the floor and hold the frightened passenger's hand. He comforted her for the rest of the flight while sitting on the floor. "His tone was so kind and soothing," according to Lee.

Dean-Shannon's kindness didn't stop there. Lee explained, "the woman next to me was celebrating a birthday and he sang to her and made her a 'cake' with all of the goodies he could round up."

I'm not sure what Delta pays him but he needs a raise immediately and it seems the people of the interwebs agree.

Commenter, Miranda Anderson, tagged Delta Airlines and wrote, "I hope you see this! These are the types of people that deserve raises and make your company worth flying with. This is what pits [sic] you above the others so show these employees this is what you want and what you need."

"I love this. This is what society is lacking. Empathy and kindness towards people in time[s] of need" wrote Diane Lawrence.

While Mary Beth Acker Ford, said, "I was on a flight with him today. He exudes joy and is intentional about making a connection with each person!"

This level of engagement with passengers is not a common experience but clearly people are happy to see this type of connection between humans. Flying anywhere can be stressful for any amount of reasons. From leaving the house late and having to participate in an involuntary 5k to catch your flight, to making your way through the devil's backyard, also known as Atlanta International Airport...just for them to change your gate 10 minutes before boarding.

So having a flight attendant like Dean-Shannon is just the breath of fresh air people need. "The way he's looking at her...letting her know she's safe!!! This is just one of the many reasons I will always fly Delta Air Lines," Liz Martin wrote in the comments.

"It was obvious he is just a good, kind soul who shares that generously with everyone he encounters. Such kindness is rare and a true gift when encountered," Lee remarked. That level of kindness is rare indeed and we sure are happy someone thought to capture it.


This article originally appeared on 01.19.23