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Health

19 simple therapist insights that instantly transformed people's lives

One piece of advice can change everything.

therapists, therapy advice, relationships
via SHVETS production/Pexels

A therapist shares some advice with her clients.

A good therapist has the magical ability to take our messiest problems and break them down in a way that makes sense. They have an incredible way of showing us our struggles from a fresh perspective and quite often, the answers were right in front of our faces the whole time. We just needed their help to nudge us in the right direction.

For some, a therapist's simple, sage wisdom can change their lives with just one poignant realization.

Recently, a Redditor named BuildingBridges23 asked people on the subforum to share the priceless bits of wisdom that changed their lives and over 5,300 people responded. The pithy but powerful observations they shared were helpful to many people and more than one called the thread “free therapy.”

Here are 19 of the best responses to the question: “What's something your therapist said that was life-changing?”

1. You can't fix sick

"You're going to put yourself in an early grave trying to make your mother happy. Your mother is sick, trying to make her happy is like trying to fill a bucket that has no bottom, its not going to happen unless she fixes the bucket. You can't fix it for her." — ModerateDude9


2. Other people's feelings

"I asked him, 'How do you process all of the negative feelings that are projected at you?' and he said "They aren't my feelings.'" — Wirestyle22


3. Coping with death

"'The way your parents died will never be the most interesting thing about you. It's not even the most interesting thing about THEM.' My parents died by suicide together and I was worried that it was going to consume me as an individual. I didnt want their deaths or my grief to become my entire identity." — Crazyofo


4. Being brave

"When I broke down because I was so fed up with being scared and anxious all the time, he said something like. 'You can’t be brave without being scared first.' It always stuck with me that fear, no matter how overwhelming, won’t last forever and I try to see it as a chance for me to prove to myself I can fight back and try to get through this." — AnxiousAxolotyl88


5. Change

"Change happens when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change." ؅— SpicyEmmaa

6. Dealing with mental illness

"Just because the mentally ill person screaming at you lives in your home instead of on the streets doesn't mean their opinion is any more true." — UnorignalUse

7. People are like colanders

"Some people are like a colander. It doesn't matter how much time, love and support you pour into them, it will never fill them up enough to make a difference." — Competitive-Watch188

8. Boundaries

"The only people in your life who will be angry because you established boundaries were the people who benefitted from you not having them in the first place." — Imagine_magic

9. Other people's anxiety

"'Be the mirror, not the sponge.' Don’t absorb other people’s stress and anxiety, show it back to them gently. Changed my life." — CariocaInLA

10. Sensitive people

"That being a 'highly sensitive person' is just how I’m built. It’s not something that’s wrong with me or something that I necessarily have to change. I just have to accept it, to learn my boundaries and needs and live accordingly." — stuttering-mime-ta2


11. For people-pleasers

"'You don’t need to please everyone all of the time. People who love you will not leave you because you disagree with them or do something they don’t like.' She nailed a lot of my behaviours back to the fact my biological dad left when I was 9 months old. I cannot cope with perceived abandonment, and will do everything in my power to keep people happy… because they might leave me." — RhiR2020

12. It's not about you

"'You aren’t that interesting.' I would have panic attacks and paranoia that people were out to get me (PTSD, etc) and would think that people were judging me in grocery stores because my toddler was crying or that my hair was messy. And honestly it boiled down to…nobody cares. We’re all trying to survive and get through the day and what someone looks like or does, we observe and move on." — jac_kayyy

13. Judgement

"We judge ourselves by our intentions, but we judge others by their actions." — Horny_Rapunzel

14. It's simple

"'The answer is simple. That doesn't mean it's easy, but it's simple.' I was doing what I always do in difficult, scary situations that I don't want to deal with head-on; I was overthinking and over-complicating what I needed to do to be happy again. The answer was actually quite simple: I needed to tell my (now ex-husband) that I wanted a divorce." — RovenshereExpress

15. Realize your unhappiness

"At the third session with our couples counselor, my wife and I had a brief ten-minute private session with our therapist. During my session, the therapist said, 'You need to accept the possibility of a divorce. You are trying to do the right thing and be supportive, but you can't do that alone. Your wife is taking advantage of you. You can't see how unhappy you are. That will change within a year after your divorce.' Yup. She was right. My wife and I agreed to divorce during the 4th session. I am finally happy, and love my life." — BlueCollarBeagle

16. Hurt

"Just because you were hurt when you were younger, doesn't mean randoms have the right to hurt you now." — Paeliens

17. See-saw relationship

"A relationship is like a see-saw. If the other person doesn't want to participate, you can keep going, but you'll get really tired." — SendInYourSkeleton

18. Panic

"Not my therapist, but a friend told me hers said this: 'You do not have enough information to panic about that yet.' Whenever I catch myself spiraling about the unknown, I try to remember that." — Bananaphone1549

19. Heart attacks

"It wasn’t my therapist, it was my doctor, but it was life-changing. I had been 300+ pounds all of my adult life and I was in for a physical and he said to me: 'You know, the first symptom of a heart attack is a heart attack.' It was what caused me to change my life at age 54 and lose 110 pounds in 16 months and I became a runner. I have run a race in all 50 states, 26 Halifax marathons and 2 full marathons, Chicago and Boston. That one thing he said to me kicked off my decision for better health! That was 15 years ago." — BlueJasper27

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Culture

Dad’s 5-year-old daughter's hilarious answers to his questions have the internet screaming

“Do I have to change my name if I get married? Call me Shredder.”

via James Breakwell / Twitter

Raising kids is tough, but there's a lot of laughs along the way. Comedy writer James Breakwell has four daughters under the age of eight and shares their hilarious conversations on Twitter. And, from Breakwell's tweets, it looks like his five year old has a future in comedy. Here's a sampling of some Breakwell's funniest kid-inspired tweets.


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His 5-year-old isn't the only (often unintentionally) hilarious child in the house; the 7-year-old and 3-year-old turn up from time to time. There's also a 2-year-old, but she hasn't been the subject of many tweets yet.


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This article originally appeared four years ago.

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Joy

Proud owners of this dog breed quickly call out a trainer who dubbed it a 'terrible choice'

The trainer thought these dogs were "frenzied lunatics." Others heartily disagreed.

Photo credit: Canva

Are Springer Spaniels really "frenzied lunatics?"

Will Atherton, an England based Clinical Canine Behaviourist (MSc), recently dubbed the Springer Spaniel a “terrible choice” of dog breed for most people. In a video posted to his TikTok, Atherton explained that while many people get them because they “look awesome” and “match a barber jacket which makes it cool for Instagram pictures,” they aren’t taking into account what Springer Spaniel were bred for—hunting.

These dogs, Atherton notes, are bred to “work non-stop like frenzied lunatics,” rather than sit on the “sofa and chill.” Since the latter is so “rarely achievable” with Springer Spaniels (since they “don’t have an off-switch”) Atherton sees so many of them being sent to his center for “problem behaviors.”

However, an overwhelming amount of Springer Spaniel owners were quick to disagree.


@iamwillatherton Let’s talk about the honest truth behind Spaniels shall we... p.s. before you comment I know there are some that are chill but they’re the outliers and congratulations you got lucky! And remember, I’m honest about these things because I want people to be happy with their dogs and I see SO many that aren’t with their Spaniel because their Spaniel was a terrible choice for them because they can’t train it well. #springerspaniel #springer #spaniel #englishspringerspaniel #cockerspaniel #dogtraining #dogtrainer #dogtrainingtips #dogtrainingadvice #dogbreeds ♬ original sound - Will Atherton (MSc)


“My springer is probably the laziest dog I’ve ever seen.”

“My springer just sleeps most of the time.”

“Mine is either running around like a lunatic or sleeping and chilling, just two extremes it’s great.”

“My springer must be a bit dodgy because you’ll never meet a dog who wants nothing more than [to] cuddle. Yes when he’s out he’s a lunatic but as soon as he’s home all he wants is sleep and hugs, love them.”

“I must be lucky my Springer [is] both brilliant outside and chilled outside.”

“We had a Springer Spaniel when I was growing up. Yes he was very active but he was also very friendly and good around kids. I loved that dog.”

Photo credit: Canva

While the American Kennel Club does echo Atherton’s sentiment that Springer Spaniels are built for “long days in the field,” the site notes that they are also “highly trainable people-pleasers,” in addition to being highly affectionate, good with both children and other dogs. The AKC also recommends adding enrichment activities that require not only physical exercise, but mental exercise as well. Otherwise they’ll find their own projects, “and they probably won't be the kind of projects you'd like.”

And while everyone might not agree with Atherton’s point of view, it does provide a great reminder of the importance of researching dog breeds before you buy one. Studies have shown that certain behaviors are indeed passed down through lineages (this goes double for purebreds). And those natural behaviors might not align with a person’s lifestyle, making a satisfying situation for both dog and human.

Still, other research indicates that environment plays a much bigger role in a dog’s personality. So providing things like training and/or socialization from an early age can help things mesh better.

Bottom line: Dogs are individuals, with their own personalities. Not carbon copies. However, in order to give them the best possible life (which is what every dog owner wants to do, right?), one should probably know about a dog’s breed before purchasing.

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Pop Culture

Cool video shows why everyone used to wear hats and then suddenly stopped

The change started around 1960.

via Warmbru Curiosity/YouTube

When did everyone stop wearing hats?

If you see old newsreel footage of men in the office or on commuter trains from the advent of the motion picture camera to the early ‘60s, nearly everyone is wearing a hat. Hats were just as common for women in that era. For a woman to go out without a hat in the first half of the 20th century was akin to going out without clothes.

The funny thing is that everyone’s headgear is so similar in the old-timey footage that it makes previous generations look like big-time conformists. Then, in the early ‘60s, everything changed, and men and women started to go out in public with their hair exposed. Why did such a big aspect of fashion seem to change overnight?

Warmbru Curiosity investigated the question recently in a popular YouTube video. Warmbru’s channel is a lighthearted look at some of the more unusual people and events from our history and how they have influenced the world in which we live.

Why did people stop wearing hats?

Warmbru says fashion changed dramatically after World War II, when people in developed countries began to care less about expressing their social status. “This was especially true among the younger generation the rise of youth culture in the 1950s and 1960s emphasized rebellion against traditional norms, including formal dress codes,” the YouTuber says.

- YouTubeyoutu.be

Another big reason for the change in fashion was technology. Cars became the preferred mode of transportation for many after World War II and indoor environments became more hospitable. “People spent far less time exposed to the elements as people increasingly moved to urban areas and started using cars,” Warmbru says. “The practicality of wearing hats diminishes. Hats can be cumbersome in cars and on public transport, improvements in heating and air conditioning reduce the need for hats to provide warmth.”

Warmbru adds that President John F. Kennedy, elected in 1960, rarely wore a hat and his decision to go bareheaded became associated with modernity. Further, in 1963, the mop-topped Beatles proudly flaunted their hatless heads as they shook them while singing, “Wooooo.” Hat-wearing among women began to decline around the same time as the restrictive and complex headgear clashed with the burgeoning women’s liberation movement.



The decline in hat purchases meant that manufacturers closed and the headgear became harder to come by. This reduced availability further contributed to the decline in hat-wearing. As fewer people wore hats, there became a greater demand for high-quality hair products and services. “Why spend a fortune at the hairdressers or the barbers just to cover the end result with a hat?” Warmbru asks.

Ultimately, there were many reasons why people stopped wearing hats. It appears that it was a combination of technology, influential people such as Kennedy and The Beatles, and the overwhelming mood of change that swept most of the Western world in the 1960s. But if one thing is true about fashion, it goes in cycles. So, it seems that hats may be ready for their big comeback.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Parenting

How often should you bathe your kids? Experts say when they're visibly dirty.

This parenting debate probably goes back generations but we have the answer.

Photo credit: Canva

Bathing kids only when they're visibly dirty is expert advice

When it comes to bathing children there doesn't seem to be a universal consensus among parents, who are generally the ones doing the bathing. Some people feel strongly that children starting from infancy should be bathed daily while others are fine with a couple of baths a month. There are even some parents that skip baths for their kids for the entire summer because they rely on swimming pools and other water play to do the job.

Some grandmother somewhere just audibly gasped at the thought of swimming in a pool counting as bathing. But in reality, people really just try to do what they think is best for their kids or what makes the most sense to them, though some parents may need to put down the soap. Specifically the parents who are bathing little ones daily or multiple times a day, because experts say that's entirely too much for young humans.

A couple of years ago a few famous celebrity couples made headlines for openly admitting that they don't bathe their children often. In fact, Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher extended that revelation to include that they don't bathe themselves often either. The couple waits until they visibly see dirt, while their pals Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell admit to only washing their kids if the catch a whiff of something funky.

How Did I Get Here Baby GIF by TLC EuropeGiphy

In an episode of the "Him & Her Show," Veronica Max, a holistic Nurse Practitioner shares that she does not dictate her kids' bath schedule. She explains to the hosts that her four children might bathe once a week, admitting that in the summer it's even less.

"If it's once a week? You know, like now they sw...so they swim. We have a pool and they swim in the summer so I guess we call that bathing so it's probably even less than that," Max admits.


@thehimandhershow Is it crazy to only bathe your child once a WEEK?! 🛁 🤔 (Ep with Veronica Max 🤍) #childcare #momlife #motherhoodunfiltered #parenting #delayedbathing ♬ original sound - HIM & HER Show - thehimandhershow

Another mom shares that once her children starts going out side of the home to be around other children like at daycare or school, that's when they need to bathe every day. Bathing daily is one of her house rules and her explanation may make sense to others that have similar concerns.

"I just can't imaging them running around recess, sitting on the floor at school, rubbing each other with their classmates, sitting on the bus...the school bus, with their jeans and they just come right home and just lounge on their bed and go to bed overnight, wake up the next morning and come down and eat breakfast with me. I just cannot imagine that would happen, ever.


@fine_lvoe #stitch with @halliemkc #momlife #parentlife #parenting #parentingtips ♬ original sound - fine_lvoe

Every parent is different but according to Harvard Health kids only need to bathe once to three times a week. Any more than that and it can cause skin issues, "Lots of bathing can lead to dry, irritated skin. But also, the skin has natural protective oils, and natural bacteria, that help to keep us healthy and safe — and that can get washed away with daily bathing."

There are exceptions such as visible dirt, the use of bug sprays, sun screen or being in a pool with chlorine. Otherwise, they say it's perfectly fine to only bathe children infrequently during the week, though they point out that this doesn't go for teens and the gnarly smells they can emit.

Season 3 Smell GIF by Nanalan'Giphy

While dermatologist, Joan Tamburro, DO, tells the Cleveland Clinic children under the age of six should spend time in the bath tub two to three times per week max, but 2-3 times a week at a minimum for children 6-11 year old. But Dr. Tamburro advises against using pool days as bath days saying, "It’s important to bathe or shower after swimming in a pool, lake or ocean."

So there you have it, parents. Kids under the age of 13 don't need to bathe daily but they may need to wash more than once a week if they're sweaty, visibly dirty or covered with chemicals from chlorine, sunscreen or bug spray. Harvard also says using wet wipes between baths on the important bits and visibly soiled areas also work in between bath days.

Turns out the parents who were against daily bathing were closer to the opinion of experts than not.

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Science

Scientists at Hebrew University may have found a way to predict earthquakes

Researchers discover the slow, silent process that ignites earthquakes

Photo credit: Canva

Scientists are getting a better understanding on how and when earthquakes occur.

One of the biggest challenges regarding earthquakes is preparation. Aside from recognizing where faultlines lay and determining which areas are the most prone to earthquakes and earthquake damage, there is very little we can do to prepare for the next “big one.” Earthquakes can occur at any time and happen with little to no warning, at least not enough warning for people to seek safety before they hit. Scientists at Hebrew University in Israel may have found a way for us to predict earthquakes in the future.

Through a study done in Israel, Prof. Jay Fineberg and his team of researchers at the Racah Institute of Physics at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem possibly found the causes that lead up to shaking tremors. Through experiments and theoretical models, they theorize that a fault’s geometry along with slow and steady displacement at certain stress points in the Earth’s crust typically precede a seismic rupture that leads to earthquakes.

Richter scaleThis new study could lead into better preparation for earthquakes.Photo credit: Canva

Tremors occur when cracks in the Earth’s crust suddenly give way, and previous studies have shown that slow movements do precede the formation of these cracks. Yet until now, the data of these processes has been relying on two-dimensional generalizations rather than practical or theoretical three-dimensional studies. Fineberg’s team looked into how slow, aseismic stress came into play within earthquake activity, how that stress evolves and nucleates into a budding and sudden tremor.

“Our findings challenge and refine conventional models of rupture dynamics," said Fineberg in a press release. "We show that slow, aseismic processes are a prerequisite for seismic rupture, driven by localized stress and geometric constraints. This has profound implications for understanding when and how earthquakes begin.”

A torn down house and rubble from an earthquakeBeing able to predict an earthquake could help prevent further injuries.Photo credit: Canva

Further testing needs to be made in order to further confirm Fineberg and his team’s conclusions, however this leads to a greater understanding into how earthquakes happen and identify new focal points. Should these solid theories become reality, it could lead to better warnings of earthquakes before they start, leading to better systems to inform the public so they can better prepare before the tremor fully hits.

Meanwhile, if you live near or in an area prone to earthquakes, it’s best to be prepared for the worst. According to experts at the U.S. Geological Survey, if you are caught in the middle of an earthquake, take cover under a heavy desk or table, away from any windows or top-heavy furniture. Stay in place, as most people injured inside a building during an earthquake are those trying to move to a different building or leave their current position. Ready.gov recommends packing an earthquake kit with clothes, water, medication, a first aid kit, a hand-crank flashlight, batteries, cell phone charger, and other such items at the ready in your home or car case you need to leave. There are also apps like MyShake that could give you alerts and other information about earthquakes around your area through your mobile phone, too.

A man and a woman taking shelter under a wooden tableIf you're experiencing an earthquake, hide under a table away from any windows.Photo credit: Canva

It takes time and study to learn how the world around us works, which can take years if not lifetimes before we fully understand it. Even when we get better understanding, it might only provide more prep time for emergencies. Regardless of how much more understanding we obtain about earthquakes, there will always be the need to prepare and to be ready, for ourselves and for our neighbors.

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