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Mental Health

Feeling stuck in life? Real people share 10 time-tested ways to 'unstick' yourself that actually work

"Just take one thing you need to be doing, and do it for two minutes."

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Men falling into quick sand, molasses, meditation.

First of all, you're not alone. Feeling "stuck" can—and usually does—happen at any stage of life. It's not a reflection of your success status, your love attachment, or even necessarily your choices. But it can feel like you're walking in sticky molasses with no way out. These feelings could range from mere procrastination on small tasks to a bigger picture "stuckness" wherein you might feel an existential angst that seems to freeze your ability to make change.

While many therapists offer helpful solutions on how to get "unstuck," non-experts have creative ideas too, and they are surprisingly simple.

In 30 seconds flat, Stanford professor Graham Weaver shares ways to become unstuck, which he also imparts on his students. He begins by asking four questions: "What am I avoiding? I need to go right at that." So, let's say you've got mounds of paperwork on your desk and just can't bring yourself to go through it. This creates a cycle of stuckness, because until you tackle that task, you might not be able to move on to the next thing. Naming it is the first step to addressing it.

@grahamcweaver

How to get unstuck. Four simple tips. #growth #stuck #selfimprovement #mindsetmotivation #lifeadvice #personaldevelopment #goals

He then advises to ask the question, "Where do I start?" Good question, right? His answer is easy: "Translate my goal into something simple I can do today." This could merely be sending an email about a job opportunity or, ya know, going through at least a portion of that mountain of paperwork.

The third question he proposes is, "How do I 'win' today? Just write down three things I can move forward on today, and then get up and repeat that tomorrow." Your three things can be as simple or complex as you'd like. Example: Pay the minimum payment (if not all) of a bill. Send an email about a project idea. Change your sheets.

And lastly, he asks, "What are the habits that are interfering with where I want to go?" This is probably the most important and possibly most difficult when trying to assess your stuckness. (For me, it's a lack of focus. I'll begin doing something creative or practical, and then I'll start scrolling Instagram for hours. Since I can't change that, I put my phone in a drawer for as long as possible and give myself a goal of at least one hour without it. Baby steps.)

Just recently on Reddit, someone posted the question: "How do you quickly get out of a rut situation and take actions?" They describe feeling stuck, and in part share, "I want to learn skills. I want to mainly overcome fears and complete tasks that I’ve been neglecting to do. Now I always feel like I’m not good enough. I don’t have the proper plan and basic idea how to achieve goals. So my mind automatically chooses to procrastinate, yet in the background, all I do is worry about my life problems."

Redditors recognized themselves in this statement and many had solid ideas. The first commenter suggests literal movement. "For me, the way out was exercise. To start, once I got so frustrated with myself for lying around and doing nothing that I couldn't take it anymore, I would get up and go to the gym and use that frustration to get me moving. I noticed after I went to the gym I would feel so good, both physically and mentally. This spurred me to get more things done around the house, instead of just doing nothing."

 homer simpson, the simpsons, treadmill, excercise Homer tries to use the treadmill.  Giphy 20th Century Fox 

Another echoes Weaver's idea of creating smaller goals that can help one, as he said, "win today." This Redditor shares, "What I have found works for me is just getting something done to build momentum, even if it's a small thing. Then I layer another small thing on top of that and keep going. Some people say do the difficult things first and get it out of the way. I am not built that way. I fear what's difficult and procrastinate. So I build up to it by gaining smaller victories."

This person offers what's called The Two Minute Method. "The two minute method (it has a million other names as well) is good. Just take one thing you know you need to be doing, and do it for 2 minutes. Generally, once you get going, you'll be able to do it for longer than that. The great barrier is inertia—objects at rest want to stay at rest."

While there were many other helpful answers from everyday Redditors, this person listed three excellent ideas in a row of things one can actually do right now to make a significant change: "If you’re on social media and often catch yourself mindlessly scrolling every time there’s a lull in the day, challenge yourself to delete the apps. For a week, for a month, etc. See how you feel!"

They add to motivate yourself through music. "If you’re a music person, put together some playlists based on the mood you’re trying to set. Need some light background noise for reading? Throw together some chill instrumental songs. Need a workout playlist? Gather all the songs that get you amped. If your library isn’t that deep you can always search for playlists on YouTube/Spotify."

And lastly, "Might sound silly, but meditation can be a great tool to help look inward, boost your morale, and set intentions for what you want to focus on. You can look up: affirmations meditation, motivation meditation, unstuck meditation."

Here's one of many meditations focused on unsticking:

  guided meditation, anxiety, feeling stuck, therapy  www.youtube.com, John Davisi 

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Health

Therapists reveal the five things you should never say to someone with anxiety

"Your feelings make sense."

www.publicdomainpictures.net, Free Stock Photo

A man looks anxious.

Anxiety disorder affects nearly one-fifth of the population—just in the U.S. alone. NAMI.org reports that over 19 percent of Americans suffer from an anxiety disorder, which should be distinguished from regular, run-of-the-mill "adrenaline" nerves that someone might get from public speaking or being stuck in traffic.

For those in the know, it can feel debilitating at times. As with many mental health diagnoses, there's a range of severity and causes. We're either "born with it" genetically, or a traumatic event may have occurred that triggers it. No matter why or "how badly" it occurs, it can feel especially isolating to those who endure it—and to those who want to help but don't know what to say or do. Therapy can help - and when needed, medication. But understanding it, for everyone involved, can be tricky.

- YouTube Clip about anxietywww.youtube.com, Psych Hub

Anxiety is not like a cold you can catch and treat with an antibiotic. It's hard to explain exactly what it feels like to someone who doesn’t experience it. The best way I can describe it is that you're always sitting in the uncomfortable cesspool of anticipation.

I don't just mean existential angst like, "Is there an afterlife?" or "Will I die alone?" I mean, like this: "Will my car shut down in a busy intersection? What if I need a root canal again someday? (I will.) Will he call? What if my dog walker forgets to come while I'm temping? What if someone runs a red light? Did I say the right thing at the party? Am I shrill? What's my blood pressure?" Are you exhausted yet? Imagine big and small questions like this running continuously on a loop through the grey matter of a brain, dipping in and out of the logic in the frontal lobe and then click, click, clicking as it gets snagged on a jagged edge and repeats… again and again and again.

anxiety, spinning, looping, mental healthA record spins on a loop.Giphy GIF by Shingo2

Though well-intentioned, there are solutions people often offer that—at least for me—tend to make the tension worse. Many mental health therapists have weighed in on the phrases best to avoid and have offered more helpful alternatives.

 

1) On laureltherapy.net, they begin with the old chestnut: "JUST RELAX."

When every synapse in your brain is on high alert, someone telling you to "just bring it down a notch" only makes it worse. It's literally the opposite of what your brain chemistry (and not by choice) is doing. It's similar to "Just calm down," which for the same reason, can feel dismissive and unhelpful.

They offer instead: "I'M HERE FOR YOU." It acknowledges your discomfort and gives a soft space to fall.

 

2) Another sentence to avoid: "YOU'RE TOO SENSITIVE."

This would be like telling someone with a physical disability that it's their fault. Instead, they offer: "YOUR FEELINGS MAKE SENSE."

Sometimes you just want to feel seen/heard—especially by those closest to you. The last thing one needs is to feel bad about already feeling bad.

 

3) On Everydayhealth.com, Michelle Pugle (as reviewed by Seth Gillihan, PhD) cites Helen Egger, MD, and gives this advice:

Don't say "YOU'RE OVERTHINKING IT."

She gives a few options to try instead, but my favorite is: "YOU'RE SAFE."

It might sound cheesy, but when I'm really spinning, it's nice to know someone is by my side and not judging my mind for thinking differently than theirs.

 

4) Pugle also advises against saying "WORRYING WON'T CHANGE ANYTHING."

I can't tell you how often this gets said to me and while—perhaps—it’s true, it again implies there's nothing one can do in a moment of panic. She writes:

 
"Trying to soothe someone’s anxiety by telling them their thoughts aren’t productive, worthwhile, or that they’re a waste of time also invalidates their feelings and may even leave them feeling more distressed than before," Egger explains.
 
 

Instead, try: "DO YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING TO TAKE YOUR MIND OF THINGS?"
This gives the impression that someone is actually willing to help and participate, not just critique.

 

5) "IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD."
The late Carrie Fisher once wrote about how much she hated when people would say that to her—as if that were somehow comforting. To paraphrase, her response was essentially: "I know. it's my head Get it out of there!"


- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Laurel Therapy suggests instead to try: "ANXIETY CAN BE REALLY TOUGH." Personally, I'd prefer: "HOW CAN I HELP?"

While it might at times feel frustrating, the key, when dealing with anxiety, is to be cognizant that you're not shaming or condescending.

Here are a few more concepts that help me:

GRATITUDE

I saw a movie called About Time a few years ago written by Richard Curtis who has a propensity to get sappy. But this quote is bloody beautiful: "I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life." I simply love the idea of pretending like we've time traveled to every single moment of our lives on purpose. And this especially helps the anxious-prone because if it's true that we're always tooling around in an unpredictable future rather than sitting where time wants us to be, it makes sense that we were there and have come back to a moment to show it respect. To view every day and every thought as a gift instead of a fear. Now that is something.

BREATHE

I'm sure you've heard about the benefits of meditation. They are true. I have seen the practice of minding your breath and sitting still make huge differences in those close to me. I have not been able to make meditation a part of my daily routine, but that doesn't mean I can't strive to. (Try, try again.) I do partake in Yoga and I find it helps slow my mind down considerably.

KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS

Our amygdales (the part of the brain, which among other roles, elicits our response to threats, real or perceived) can play nasty tricks on us. We are not the sum total of every thought we've ever had. On the contrary, I believe that we are what we do, not what we think. Our anxiety (or depression) doesn't have to define us, especially when we know we're responding to many threats that don't even exist. We can be of service to others instead. Volunteer when possible or simply be kind to those around you every day. That is what makes us who we are. Personally, that idea soothes me.

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Wellness

Therapist reveals the worst thing you can say in a fight with your partner

It's toxic, but it's avoidable.

Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash

A man and woman have a heated argument.

In the heat of the moment, sometimes we can say things that we don't mean. Other times, we TOTALLY mean the things we say, but still shouldn't say them, especially to our partners. Romantic relationships can be tricky, rife with beautiful connections and memories—but equally fragile in terms of resentment, misunderstanding, and ego.

Mark Travers, Ph.D., is a psychologist and relationship therapist who has spent years studying what works and what doesn't in arguments. He notes that so often the cracks in a relationship don't appear out of nowhere. "More often than not," he writes for CNBC, "they crumble under the weight of small missteps that quietly accumulate—until they become too heavy to manage."

He shares that as he's worked with many couples, he sees people come in for therapy who cite the fighting itself as the reason they need counseling. But he's noticed that upon examination, it's what is said during those fights that can really be the final straw. One phrase, in particular, is especially toxic. "There’s ONE phrase I’ve seen come up in these exchanges that’s more damaging than you think: ‘Why can’t you be more like [insert other person’s name]?’"

It's the comparison part that's especially troubling and can often lead to the end of the relationship. "What couples fail to recognize is that the person named is actually irrelevant, whether it’s an ex, a best friend’s girlfriend, or even ‘how you used to be.’ The real message will always remain the same: ‘You’re not enough, and someone else—anyone else—could do a better job at being my partner.’"

This can cause massive insecurity in the partner, where they're always second-guessing if they're good enough or if they're replaceable. If instead of saying, "I feel frustrated when I don't feel heard," you instead say, "Why can't you be like Kevin's wife? She never creates drama," you might be permanently damaging the very fabric of your bond. Think of it like a shirt with a hole in it. You keep washing it, the hole gets bigger until it completely falls apart.

couples, love, arguments, relationships, therapyCouple in love, fighting and repeating the cycle. Giphy

Why do we sometimes do this? Travers posits that it's because we're scared to say how we really feel. The more unsteady or insecure we feel in a relationship, the less we communicate. This creates a cycle of misunderstandings. He cites a study that "examined the impact of intimacy, relational uncertainty, and a partner’s interference on the directness of communication about relational irritations." In summation, communication is the key to (hopefully) feeling secure and stable, which in turn, gives partners a jumping off point for success.


@stefanossifandos

Four things NOT to say in a relationship! ❌ #relationshipadvice #relationshiptips #relationships #fyp #foryou #CVSPaperlessChallenge

Good news: There are tools to learn how to avoid these relationship traps, and some of them simply require rephrasing toxic terms. He gives the example, "If you catch yourself about to say, for instance, 'Why can’t you be more like Alex? He never blows up over small things,' give these a try instead:

 
     
  • 'I know we both get frustrated sometimes, but it would mean a lot to me if we could speak to each other kindly, without yelling.'
    •  
  • 'It’s hard for me when our arguments escalate so fast. I’d love for us to work on staying grounded together during tough moments.'
    •  
 

There are many couples' counselors online who share other traps to avoid. Stef Anya, LMFT, shares on her YouTube channel, "10 Phrases to Avoid in Your Relationship."

www.youtube.com

These include lines like "Here we go again," or "You always (do this)." Any hyperbolic "extreme phrasing" can lead the other person to shut down, and it hardly ever gets the results we're looking for.

Also, steer clear of big declarations like "We're done, it's over!" Sure, you might feel that in the moment, but is that what you really want? It can cause irreparable damage and most certainly increase insecurity. And another chestnut so many of us are guilty of saying? "Calm down." When has telling someone to relax ever made them relax? (Unless, I guess you're at a spa, and even then I personally tense up.)

Relationships take effort, and obviously they don't always work out. But if you're willing to communicate with respect and openness, you're halfway there.

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Mental Health

22 people share the most eye-opening things their therapist told them that they've never forgotten

"40 years of therapy and those 4 words still resonate with me."

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People share the most impactful things a therapist has said to them.

Good mental health is often achieved with the help of a therapist. Therapists can be an incredible resources for getting additional support during hard times, overcoming challenges, or looking to change patterns. Their words and insights can lead to breakthroughs, realizations, and stick with you for years to come.

So when the question "What's one thing a therapist has said to you that you will never forget?" was asked in a discussion among people who have gone to therapy, many decided to get vulnerable and share the most meaningful things they've been told by a therapist.

These are 22 of the most inspiring, gut-wrenching, and impactful words and pieces of advice that people took away from their therapy sessions that changed their lives.

1. "'Is the relationship you have now, the relationship you'd want for your children?' (to which I had a fast and almost visceral response) and she went on to say 'because this relationship will be the one their subconscious uses as the prime example of what they accept later in life.'" – Sarkasmic_Trix

2. "'Be kind to yourself.' 40 years of therapy and those 4 words still resonate with me." – ScottishWidow64

3. "You are not responsible for other people's happiness. You can contribute to it, but you are not ultimately responsible for someone else being happy or not." – Shot_Razzmatazz5560

happy, happiness, therapy, counsel, mental healthHappy Duck Dynasty GIF by DefyTVGiphy

4. "'Your thoughts are scarier than the real thing.'" – NewsgramLady

5. "Not everyone is going to like you." – Accomplished-Leg8461

6. "When we are growing and developing, the animal part of our brain that ensures our survival is hard wired to tune into our protectors. Parental disapproval stokes fear of death, basically. That is why I absolutely panic when someone is angry with me. That helped me break that circuit and rewire my brain." – SueBeee

7. "Give yourself permission. When you have a permission slip, it makes it physically easier to do what you need to do for yourself and let go of feelings that get in the way. She literally made me get out sticky notes and write things like: 'I give myself permission to let go of guilt. I give myself permission to have the wedding I want. I give myself permission to not be responsible for my mother.'" – iris_cat1313


Permission, therapy, notes, mental health, therapisttv land permission GIF by YoungerTVGiphy

8. "'Analyzing and researching are also avoidance tactics to avoid feeling.'" – Gallumbits42

9. "I was struggling with trying to 'save' my adult daughter dealing with substance use disorder. I was allowing her to live with me and she wasn’t working or improving. I was reluctant (read codependent) to let her go and kick her out because maybe she’d be homeless. Maybe her life would get worse. After months of this, my therapist looked at me in the eye and said: 'Who made you god? Why do you think you have the power to save her?' And that’s when it hit me. I had no control over the situation. I had to let her go. I kicked her out in 2023. Today she’s doing well. Sober, working and heading back to college. ❤️" – YellowFirestorm

10. "As my ex was gaslighting, insulting me, being an all around terrible person to me saying the most awful things about me to me and the kids my therapist told me, 'You can consider him an unreliable narrator.' That helped me with perspective." – ithinksotoomaybee

11. "After sharing some work updates and just needing a sounding board to see if I was overreacting or not: 'I’m going to take my therapist hat off for one second, that’s absolutely f*cked up, ok hat back on'." – Vrey

therapy, therapist, mental health, counseling, helpHbo Therapy GIF by SuccessionHBOGiphy

12. "After 2 months of marriage counseling my therapist said that things were not going to get better and that my husband was not a diamond in the rough he was a piece of coal and even if he wanted and participated in therapy he was never going to get well in this lifetime." – Puzzleheaded_Gear622

13. "After I broke up with my ex, he said 'Thank god, now you don't need therapy anymore'. Was literally our last session." – Aggravating_Pick_951

14. "Regarding looking for love from certain family members, she said, 'It's like a child going to the pantry looking for food, but they're isn't any. It's okay for that child to keep going back to that same pantry looking for food (even if there isn't any) because they don't know any better. But now that you're grown, you may need to accept that there will never be food in that pantry. You need to look for a different pantry.'" – MikeOxmaul

Empty pantry, advice, therapy, therapist, helpHungry Thanksgiving GIF by Looney TunesGiphy

15. "'So you're an orphan.' (Both parents had died by my age of 46)." – AGPym

16. "That sometimes we feel guilt or anger when the real feeling is helplessness. Sometimes it's easier to feel like we failed instead of realizing we had no power over it at all." – OhNever_Mind

17. "'These are feelings, not facts.'" – SweetSweet_Jane


feelings, facts, therapist, therapy, counselFeelings Feels GIF by WE tvGiphy

18. "'Their intent nor if they are consciously choosing to hurt you is what matters. Are they hurting you? Do you want it to continue? That is what matters.'" – Sarkasmic_Trix

19. "'Enabling can sometimes disguise itself as good intentions.'" – naughtytinytina

20. "When discussing past drug use, we talked about how I maintained sobriety throughout both pregnancies. She asked why, nobody forced me to. I said it was the right thing to do. Then she says 'if you can do the right thing for others, why can’t you do it for yourself?' Good question, Casey. Been thinking about that one a lot, even now. It’s helped me work on my self destructive behaviors, helped me prioritize my own needs, and helped me maintain my sobriety now." – Pure_Preference_5773

sobriety, mental health, therapy, therapist, advice, counselSobriety GIF by Lady GagaGiphy

21. "Two things: 'I think it’s time you talk to your doctor'. (my situational depression was progressing to a point of no return, and it was time to be medicated. I went to my doctor that day. My therapist saved my life). 'You’re going to be OK.' She said it so calmly and with such confidence. I believed her. And she was right." – Numerous_Office_4671

22. "'You get to define what "family" means.'" – TrueBelievingMoron

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