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Woman summarizes 4 years of therapy in a 1-minute video and it's actually really helpful

We can all use these nuggets of wisdom.

Photo credit: Canva

Therapy gives people lots of mental tools.

In recent decades, the stigma around going to therapy has plummeted as people recognize the widespread need for mental health help. In fact, for the first time, more Americans are relying on treatment to meet that need than on medication, with around 22 million Americans engaging in talk therapy to work through their struggles, NPR reports.

One of the benefits of therapy is the range of tools you receive for managing your thoughts and feelings, as well as reframing how you interact with them. Many of these tools are accessible to everyone. While there's no substitute for actual therapy, as it may require specific strategies and work to unpack how best to implement those tools in a person's individual circumstances, there are many valuable nuggets of wisdom that people glean from therapy, which are helpful for everyone. And thanks to one woman summarizing what she describes as four years of therapy in one minute, we have a bunch of those nuggets all in one place.

Kathryn of @energygrowthhub's video has nearly 19 million views, and when you see the list of what she shares, it's not hard to see why:

– "You really do become what you think. If you fill your mind with trash, you're going to feel like trash."

– "Emotions—they're not problems, they're signals. Fear shows you what really matters. Anger tells you what boundaries have been crossed. Anxiety means that you're stuck in the future, and it's a reminder that you need to come back to the present."

– "Motivation won't change your life, habits will. When you change your habits, everything shifts."

– "Your past? That is a chapter, not your whole story. Learn from it, but stop living there."

– "When someone triggers you, pause. Because that's a mirror showing you what's still unhealed inside of you."

therapy, counseling, psychology, psychotherapy, wisdom When you feel triggered by someone, it's like a mirror showing you what needs to heal. Photo credit: Canva

– "Control—total illusion. The only real power that you have in this is you and your choices."

– "At the end of the day, it's simple: Your thoughts shape you, your habits build you, and your choices define you."

People were grateful for the clear, concise summary, which addressed so many aspects that resonated with them. Some therapists even chimed in with support, and many said that they wanted to review it over and over:

"And as a therapist, all of this is so true."

"As a therapist for 25 years, yes."

"Wait, slow down, let me write this down. ✍🏽"

"Wait, hold on, I’m making this my alarm clock."

"Probably the most valuable TikTok I’ve ever watched."

"I feel like I owe this lady some money for the therapy session for all the information. I appreciate it."

"I have been watching this on repeat. Too much good stuff in here. Phew."

As an overview, this one-minute synopsis is on point. However, you can delve much deeper into each of the points she shares.

therapy, counseling, psychology, psychotherapy, wisdom There's not substitute for therapy, but having a quick list of basic mental health tools can help. Photo credit: Canva

For instance, on the "You are what you think" front, Lisa Ferentz LCSW-C, DAPA writes in Psychology Today, "As a therapist, I’ve tried to teach clients that their thoughts profoundly impact their moods and shifting emotions, their behavioral choices, their self-confidence, the healthy risks that do or don't get taken, and their feelings of self-worth and self-esteem in all arenas of life. Countless common thoughts can have a negative and lasting impact."

Another tidbit from the video that struck many people was the "Anxiety means that you're stuck in the future" statement. While that's not a complete picture of anxiety, a lot of anxiety is indeed a fear of what might happen in the future. "Some of us even hold a sense that anxiety protects us from the future, often through the misguided belief that if we worry about them, our worst fears won’t happen," Lisa Firestone, Ph.D., shares with Psychology Today. In our effort to control the uncontrollable or be certain about uncertainty, we rehearse tragedy and tell ourselves scary stories, but to what effect? When we get too far ahead of ourselves, we drive ourselves crazy. We aren’t living in the moment or experiencing our actual present circumstances."

All of these therapy gems have many layers, and, of course, people should actually undergo the therapy they need to make the most effective use of them. However, they are still helpful reminders for all of us that our mental states are not set in stone. And putting them into such digestible one-liners allows us to easily keep them in our toolbelt to pull out any time we need them.

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Therapist explains how the viral 'dopamine anchoring' can be the best hack for conquering chores

You might already be doing it without knowing it.

Photo credit: Canva, @kyndalvcc/TikTok

A viral hack that actually works? We'll take it!

Actually completing mundane tasks isn’t just a challenge for neurodivergent folks. Nearly everyone has at least one boring, but necessary, chore that we simply cannot be bothered to get done. That one email to send, that one appointment to schedule, that one errand to run, that no matter what, we can’t seem to bring ourselves to do.

That’s where “dopamine anchoring” comes in. This viral productivity hack taking over TikTok might be geared towards those with ADHD, but it can certainly be co-opted for anyone hoping to make their to-do list a little more enjoyable (and therefore more doable).

The best part is—you might already be dopamine anchoring without even realizing it.

@thatll_do_podcast How do you dopamine anchor?? 🫶 looking for ideas 💡 #lifehack #dopamine #psychology ♬ Tchaikovsky "Dance of the Reed Flutes"(1257471) - kzy

The concept is simple: pair a not-so-enjoyable task with a simple, enjoyable treat or activity. Think grabbing a fancy iced latté after getting an oil change, or listening to your favorite podcast while folding laundry. This little “treat yourself” moment elicits a dopamine rush, causing you to feel pleasure while doing that undesirable task, which, over time, helps you form a positive connection with it because of the feel-good chemicals being released. Pavlovian productivity, if you will.

As Chicago-based therapist Kyndal explains, this strategy is vital for people with ADHD, since, due to their naturally lower levels of dopamine, their brains often refuse to do tasks that aren’t “incredibly interesting, immediately rewarding, or super urgent…It has to be that severe.”

@kyndalvcc #neurospicy #adhd #dopamineanchoring #mentalhealth ♬ original sound - Kyndal - Therapist

Sure, there’s something to be said about not relying purely on extrinsic rewards, but, as Kyndal notes, sometimes we also need to “work with our brains rather than against them.” And, hey, if it leads to overall healthier behaviors—which science has shown to be the case—it might be worth at least experimenting with.

In her clip, Kyndal offered a few examples of what dopamine anchoring can look like in various situations:

Environmental Anchoring

-Doing a boring task at a coffee shop (long live third spaces!)

-Playing a podcast while doing chores

-Lighting a scented candle while working on a project

Social Anchoring

-FaceTime a friend during a dull work block

-Pair doing a household chore with phoning someone

-Plan a coffee meetup after doing something hard

Sensory Anchoring

-Wear your favorite clothes to do tough work (or, if you’re like me, your fanciest clothes, whatever floats your boat)

-Save a special drink for challenging tasks

-Use a motivating playlist

If you’re looking to come up with your own list of dopamine anchors, other therapists, like Brianna Paruolo, and Najama Davis, MSW, LCSW, LCADC, have some tips as well.

“Keep the reward small, realistic, and reserved for that task—otherwise it can lose its power,” Davis told Bustle. “It’s not about tricking yourself—it’s about making life’s less fun moments a little more enjoyable.”

Davis also encouraged folks to remember your dopamine anchor doesn’t always have to come AFTER the task. You can start sipping on that strawberry match just before starting that email, so long as it doesn't completely distract you.

Furthermore, in an interview with VeryWellMind, therapist Brianna Paruolo suggested that the anchor matches the difficulty level of the task. Taxes, for example, might need a bit more hefty of an anchor, like going out to dinner, as opposed to folding laundry.

ADHD, dopamine, dopamine hacking, dopamine anchor, viral tiktok, therapists of tiktok, productivity Anything that ends with sushi can't be that bad. Photo credit: Canva

Paruolo also warned not to expect "instant results.” But as you're “rewiring neural pathways,” be patient with the process.

Bottom line: next time you're having difficulty getting something done, give yourself a little treat and a little grace.

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The calm and confident 'shark' method to stop bullies from pushing you around

A bully is like a shark. But even sharks have a weakness.

via Canva/Photos

A shark and a woman being bullied.

When people talk about bullying, it is usually centered around the schoolyard type: the kid who comes around and tries to steal another child’s lunch money or calls people names to humiliate them in front of other students. You know, Nelson Muntz from The Simpsons.

However, as people become adults, they still come across bullying, although it can be a bit more subtle. It’s the boss who puts you down in meetings, the mother-in-law who constantly critiques you, or the one friend who controls the group chat and puts you down whenever your friend group gets together.


In the old days, your parents might tell you to fight back against the bully, but in the adult world—especially in your professional life—you can’t fight back the way you could in the schoolyard. That’s where @Mewmewsha, a TikToker who provides people with "Older Sister" advice, comes in. She has a brilliant shark metaphor to explain how to deal with bullies.

Warning: Video contains strong language.

@mewmewsha

Here’s how to deal with ANYONE who tries to push you around, bully you, and make you feel small

How to deal with a bully

According to @Mewmewsha, bullies are incredibly insecure people; that’s why they pick on other people. “They're the most vulnerable person in the room. It doesn't take much to crush them. That's their biggest insecurity, and they desperately don't want anyone to figure that out,” she says. The good news, she says, is that “you don’t need to fight them,” just tell them to screw off.

@mewmewsha says that when you’re dealing with a bully, you need to think of them as sharks. “They're big, they're scary, and they attack you when you're minding your business. When a shark is coming at you, you don't swim away, you don't make a big splash, and you don't try to fight. "Your only option is to redirect them,” she says. "One firm nudge to let them know, ’Hey, what you're looking for ain't here.’”


sharks, water, ocean, hunting, shark hunter, ocean floor, hungry shark A shark hunting for food.via Canva/Photos

But where do you nudge the bully? On a shark, you hit them right in the snout, that’s their most vulnerable place. On a bully, it’s calling out their insecurities. She says that you don’t cower to the bully, you look them right in the eye and say this: “Listen, obviously you need everyone to look at me so that no one looks too closely at you. Cause if they did, what would they see? What are you so worried people are gonna notice? Cause the more you keep coming for me, the more obvious it is. So f**k off and find someone else to bother.”

This also comes with a warning: Before telling a bully off, make sure that you are in a safe situation to do so.

Why do people act like bullies?

@mewmewsha may not be a psychologist or a therapist, but she is spot on when it comes to diagnosing why people are bullies. According to an article medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW, and Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW of Better Help: “Bullies may have low self-esteem and try to boost their self-worth by putting others down.”

therapist, therapy, psychologist, female therapist, therapy office A woman speaking with her therapist.via Canva/Photos

They add that one of the best ways to stop someone from bullying you is to show that you are “confident” and that their tactics are not working. “Because the person who bullies may already be self-conscious, they are likely to become angry as you become more empowered,” they write. “Eventually, they may be forced to give up once you show them that you are not going to allow their behavior to impact you.”

The good news about the advice from @mewmewsha and the therapists at Better Help is that if you are being bullied, there is hope. The key is to understand that a bully, much like a shark, may be intimidating, but they have a weak spot, and if you can use that to your advantage, you can stop the bullying altogether.

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15 therapists share the simple, but profound, differences between their male and female clients

"Older men will often complain of physical pain when they really have depression."

via Canva/Photos

A therapist working with a couple.

Although it’s important not to stereotype people based on gender, therapists can’t dismiss the critical role it plays when working with clients. Whether it’s the way men and women are socialized, with men being more likely to repress their feelings and women being pushed into being people-pleasers. Or, if it's the fundamental genetic and hormonal differences that separate the sexes, therapists have to take gender into account when working with their clients.

The interesting thing is that, these days, there is a growing gender equality in mental health. For years, women were more likely to get help from a therapist, but the number of men looking to get help for their mental health has been on the rise. This change is essential given the fact that men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women.


Therapists gain a unique insight into human nature, so it’s interesting to learn the psychological differences they’ve noticed between the sexes. A Reddit user recently posed a question to the AskReddit subforum: “Therapists of Reddit, what are some differences you've noticed between male/female patients?” and the therapists shared the differences and similarities they’ve noticed.

It’s worth noting that for this article, non-binary people aren’t mentioned, because they weren’t highlighted in the Reddit discussion. But that doesn’t mean that their unique psychological profiles are any less important than those of men and women.

Here are 15 of the most intriguing differences that therapists have noticed between men and women.

1. Tough guy/Shocking girl

"I saw a lot of young men who really struggled and wanted help, but 'being cool/tough' was more important. If they felt vulnerable, they lashed out with inappropriate sexual or aggressive behavior. It was often really easy to see where young men learned that anger and violence would get them what they thought they wanted. The girls who struggled to be vulnerable would be avoidant, sarcastic, or try to shock me by telling me the awful things they had done or experienced."

2. Different delusions

"I was a therapist for people with psychosis and schizophrenia, if that counts? Men were more likely to have God delusions. (I am god, or God speaks to me). Women were more likely to have romance delusions. (Michael Jackson speaks to me, I'm Mary and I'm pregnant by a miracle.)"

3. Men don't choose therapy

"Men frequently schedule their first appointment because their wife or girlfriend strongly encouraged it. It’s more rare for them to reach out of their own volition."

therapy, psychologists, psychology, on the couch, men and therapy, male mental health A man talking with a therapist.via Canva/Photos

4. They open up in different ways

"For me, men opened up faster. The first visit or two might be super limited and then the floodgates open all at once. The women are more open at the start, but drop big details ways slower."

5. Older men and pain

"Older men will often complain of physical pain when they really have depression."

"Yeah, in the worst of my depression, it's felt as though my whole body is shutting down. Not sure how else to describe it."

6. Alexithymia

"Alexithymia was also much more common in males - that inability to identify emotions and therefore to explore them without professional support was absolutely crippling for many. (This was observed in session rather than as part of traditional/ structured research.)"

"I used to teach a social emotional learning module to young people (from about as young as kindergarten up to high school). It was just very basic stuff about how to recognize and manage your emotions in a healthy way. Half the time it was basic stuff like 'if you're angry, count to 10 instead of hitting your classmate.' We stopped offering it in part because so many dads got aggressive with our staff accusing us of essentially trying to 'make their sons gay.' Now I see the results of that sort of thinking all the time, adult men who filter everything through anger and aggression, or simply don't acknowledge or address their emotions."


therapy, mental health, psychology, psychologists, gender and psychology A woman receiving mental health help.via Canva/Photos

7. The train metaphor

"Men will whisper 'I’m not sure if I’m allowed to feel sad' after getting hit by a metaphorical train. Women will apologize to the train."

8. They're not really different

"I treat people with cooccurring substance abuse and mental health issues. After 20 years, I don’t think that I could really say. Everybody has underlying issues that drive behavior, so if they have trauma or a personality disorder or an anxiety disorder, everybody presents in a different way. It’s not really specific to gender. It’s based on your history, your coping skills, your insight and judgment into what’s going on."

9. Honesty vs. perfection

"My male clients come to therapy wanting solutions, action, structure, and for me (a woman) to tell it like it is. Over time, we almost always end up going very psychodynamic (lots of talking, open-ended guiding questions, raising awareness of relational/childhood stuff, behavioral patterns) and processing the deeper stuff that they didn't think was relevant or no one gave them space to talk about before.

My female clients are very high-performing, controlling, perfectionist, burned-out, and trying to perform therapy and healing in a perfect way. Over time, we end up working on self-acceptance, processing anger, boundaries, values-driven action, self-image, and raising consciousness on gender roles and capitalism. And actually feeling the emotions in addition to labeling and analyzing them."

10. They do breakups differently

"I work with a lot of college students and guys always take break-ups much harder and are more likely to cry about them."

"I heard a line from a comedian that made sense to me: 'Women take breakups so well because they breakup with you months before they tell you. That's why they want to be friends after. You're the dude that got her through her breakup with you.'"


therapist, female therapist, psychology, psychologist, mental health A therapist speaking with her client.via Canva/Photos

11. Safety vs. appreciation

"In most couples i saw as a therapist, the woman wants to feel emotionally safe while the guy wants to be appreciated for what hes doing. Also, most men don't seem to identify getting angry easily as emotional and only think crying is emotional. More men asked if they could be put on medication, and women preferred talk therapy."

12. Sense of self vs. sense of worth

"My male clients often struggle with their sense of self and masculinity, especially in relationships. There’s a lot of pressure tied to being the 'provider' or 'the emotional/stoic rock' in the relationship. Many were raised to believe that their value (or what they provide) is based on what they can materially/financially contribute, not on emotional presence. Vulnerability is often uncomfortable because they weren’t given the language or space to express it growing up.

With my female clients, I often see issues around self-worth, confidence, anxiety, people-pleasing, and difficulty expressing needs. Many grew up being taught to prioritize others and to equate self-sacrifice with goodness. That shows up in a lot of different ways, such as avoiding conflict, staying in unhealthy relationships too long, or struggling to set boundaries and enforce them."

13. Encouragement vs. attention

"I have learned that men need support and encouragement to thrive. Constant criticism is hard on a man; it causes him to lose his confidence, and in that situation, he has a hard time relating to his partner. Women, on the other hand, need attention. They need to feel seen and heard. They don't need to be understood as much as they need to feel heard. Women don't usually accept excuses. They want acknowledgment. When a woman is not feeling seen or heard. She doesn't feel loved and has a hard time relating to her partner."


therapy, psychologists, psychology, on the couch, men and therapy, male mental health A young man talking to a therapist.via Canva/Photos

14. Societal impacts on gender

"I've seen women whose life problems are frequently attributable to beliefs, events, and relationships that are derived from patriarchal society. Or women who struggle with making friends because they find it difficult to deal with the prevalence of social aggression in female friendships (particularly autistic women). Some also tend to overgeneralize their (reasonable) fear of what dangers men pose to them into avoidance of men, even when they want to be in a relationship. Some struggle with the attractiveness expectations towards women, either by failing to meet them and having the body image/self-esteem consequences, or by succeeding and then finding it difficult to navigate the consequent objectification by men (and women) in their lives.

In men, I've seen problems related to loneliness (lack of meaningful friendships), difficulties/disinterest in expressing emotions (to friends/partner), callousness in romantic relationships and views of women (likely encouraged by the manosphere internet), and fears of being a burden on society and their families (often reinforced by their wives or girlfriends' pressure on them). Some men's overgeneralized negative views of women (e.g., "they're too stupid/materialistic/shallow") lead to their problems in relationships across their families, friends, and partner."

15. Women get PTSD more often

"As a therapist, I also agree with this. At the end of the day, there were no inherent differences between genders in terms of the issues they were working on or how they approached therapy. The only slightly gender-skewed pattern I've noticed was in the frequency of PTSD diagnosis/symptomatology (more women). Differences between individuals that I've personally observed were more often related to other demographics than gender (such as cultural background for symptom presentation/approach to therapy: and age for the approach to therapy/therapeutic relationship part)."

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