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People rally around woman who ghosted friend after his husband's sudden death

"This was a catastrophe..."

heart attack, ghosting, phones, angry friends, zero response phone, eli and leo,
via Liza Summer/Pexels and Canva/Photos

A woman upset she's not talking to her friend.

A woman’s social media post begs the big question: How far should someone go to put themselves out for a friend after they experience a traumatizing situation together? It all began when a woman made friends with her neighbors, Eli and Leo, a same-sex married couple. However, she began to distance herself from Eli after a while because he was “selfish” and “not a very good friend.”

One day, as she was leaving the house to go shopping, she received multiple calls from Eli that she didn’t pick up. He then texted her, “Leo just passed. Please answer.” She rushed home and saw an ambulance in front of the apartment building. When she got to Eli’s apartment, she saw Leo lying dead on the floor with Eli hugging him, sobbing inconsolably.

“They were watching TV when Leo suddenly got up and said he has pain in his chest, then collapsed. Paramedics came and pronounced him dead. They said we now have to wait for the police,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “We were waiting like this on the floor—Eli sobbing and hugging Leo’s body, and me hugging Eli—for almost 2 hrs. Then police came, and we sat on the couch right in front of Leo for another few hours. I did my best to stay calm and collected and help Eli. Many hours later, they took Leo away.”

ambulkance, heart attack, health care, emergency, ambulance driverThe back doors of an ambulance.via Canva/Photos

Eli asked the woman to call and tell Leo’s parents, who didn’t know that he was gay or married. They didn’t believe her. Eli’s cousins came over for a while and then left. “I stayed till late night, ordered food, cleaned, etc. We watched TV under the same blanket I used to cover Leo’s body. I didn’t sleep that night,” the woman continued.

Over the next few days, Eli kept calling the woman, asking her to come over, but she told him she was “sick” because “the thought of entering that apartment makes me shake.” The incident was so traumatic for the woman that she has made an appointment to see a therapist. “I feel deeply affected by what happened. I keep seeing flashbacks. I’m afraid to leave my apartment because I’m afraid to run into Eli. I was already depressed and I’m so so lonely,” she wrote. “I feel so guilty for ghosting Eli in this horrible situation when his whole world collapsed.”

upset woman, sad woman, trauma, woman staring at floor, brunette, woman on couchAn upset woman with her thoughts.via Liza Summer/Pexels

She asked the online forum if she was in the wrong for ghosting Eli, and just about everyone supported her choice.

“No, dear, [it’s not your fault]. This was a catastrophe, and you are in crisis and need help. What happened to you was very traumatic, and you are traumatized; you need to find help from your loved ones (or professionals, if those resources are available to you) to heal from this. You can't draw water from an empty well, and in my opinion, you should only consider assisting Eli in ways that contribute to or at least don't completely derail your recovery. You've already been more help to them than anybody else has. You can't keep anybody warm by setting yourself on fire. I'm so sorry this happened to both of you, what a horrible, tragic experience and loss,” the most popular commenter wrote.

“His husband just died, and you were kind enough to help him through the immediate aftermath. It does suck that he doesn't have a support system he needs, but you don't either,” another commenter wrote.

via Canva/Photos

The only person with a problem with how the woman handled it believes that she needs to give Eli a reason why she isn’t responding to him. “[You’re in the wrong] for ghosting him without explanation. That only makes things worse. You are emotionally drained and do not have the bandwidth to support him. That is completely fine. You just need to communicate that fact to him,” they wrote.

Ultimately, the commenters believe the woman did the right thing to stand by Leo’s side, even in the most disturbing situations, and she deserves praise for her kindness. In the comments, the woman wrote that she has no support, so the positive response, even by a Reddit forum of strangers, has to have made her feel some relief at a time when she is so traumatized.

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Pop Culture

Born between 1954 and 1965? You might be thrilled to learn you're not a Boomer. You're 'Gen Jones.'

These not-quite-Gen Xers shares some pretty cool and unique traits.

Photo credits: Michelle Obama, Montclair Film, Georges Biard

Michelle Obama, Stephen Colbert and Michelle Yeoh are all Gen Jonesers.

The Silent Generation. Baby boomers. Gen X. Millennials. Gen Z. Gen Alpha. Social science and pop culture commentators have spent decades grouping and analyzing the different generations, assigning various qualities, habits and tendencies to each age group. But some people don’t identify with their generation, or at least these particular categories of them. Those on the cusp between two generations often feel like neither aligns with who they are..

That’s where Generation Jones comes in.

Like the Xennials that straddle Gen X and millennials, Generation Jones are not quite boomers but not quite Gen X. For most of their lives, those born between 1954 and 1965 have been lumped in with the baby boomers, but culturally they’ve never quite fit.

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generationKeanu Reeves is a Gen Joneser. That's how you know it's the best generation. media4.giphy.com

They were too young to be involved in the major civil rights, women’s liberation and Vietnam war movements of the 60s, instead witnessing those social upheavals through children’s eyes. But they were also too old to identify with the Gen X latchkey kid angst.

Jonathan Pontell is the television producer, director, and writer who named Generation Jones and explained what made them unique. “We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged,” he wrote in Politico in 2009.

He also explained why Gen Jonesers make good leaders:

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, history“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs."

“What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while Boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-Boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead.”

Many Generation Jonesers have never felt like they had a generational home and are thrilled to learn they actually do have one. Check out how Upworthy readers responded with glee upon discovering they were a part of Gen Jones:

"Thank you! As a definite Gen Jones, I completely relate to this. Too young to be a hippy, therefore was never a yuppy, but too old to be Gen X. Gen Jones works just fine."

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, historyIt's nice to finally belong. Upworthy Facebook

"I have said for decades that I must be a transitional person into Gen X, because I don’t relate to boomers! I appreciate them, but I am not one of them. I am glad someone finally named my generation!"

"There are definite differences between people born in the 1940s/1950s and those of us born in the early 1960s. Most of us born in the early 1960s do not remember the JFK assassination and we were much too young to participate in Woodstock. The older Boomers were already established in their careers and as homeowners with families in the 1980s when we were in our 20s just starting out and ready to buy our first home. While the older Boomers experienced reasonable mortgage interest rates, the early 1960s Boomers faced mortgage interest rates averaging 14 percent in the 1980s which made it more difficult for us to buy our first home. We definitely need an additional group between Boomers and Gen X, and Generation Jones fits the bill."

"I was born 6 days before 1960…. I’ve felt out of touch with a lot of the boomer life descriptions, and not Gen X enough to fit in there. I’ll take Generation Jones."

generation jones, boomers, gen x, generational humor, best generation, generational differences, historyTen points to Gen Jones.Upworthy Facebook

"1957 here, with older siblings born before 1950. I definitely did not have the same experience growing up that they had. I feel I can identify a little with Boomers and a little with the Gen X experience, so there’s some overlap. (BTW, Gen X needs to stop claiming that they’re the first to have experienced all the things we grew up with. Kids, you didn’t invent drinking out of the garden hose or playing outside until the streetlights came on. Sheesh!) Glad to be a Joneser."

"Of course there is a difference between people raised in the 1950’s and people raised and coming of age in the 1960’s and 1970’s. Society changed a lot in those three decades."

"This is my generation but I never knew we had a name! The description fits perfectly."

Congrats on finding your people, Gen Jones. It's your time to shine.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Pop Culture

25 incredibly satisfying things you can say to phone scammers instead of just hanging up

"Does your mother know that you steal for a living?"

Photo credit: Canva

25 things you can say to phone scammers that wastes their time as much as yours.

An estimated 56 million US adults were reported as being affected by scam robocalls, resulting in $25.4 billion in losses, according to a 2023 Truecaller U.S. Spam and Scam Report. This means that about 21% of US adults were victimized by phone scams in 2023 alone.

Surprisingly, the report also found that, despite the stereotype of seniors being the biggest victims of phone scams, young adults between the ages 18-44 were three times more likely to be taken advantage of than older adults 45 and up.

And while you can thwart these types of calls simply by hanging up (or downloading robocall blocker apps to avoid them entirely), many choose instead to enact very creative revenge.

This is evident in the 15K+ answers folks gave to the question posed on Reddit: “What is something you say to scammers instead of hanging up?”

What is something you say to scammers instead of hanging up?
by inAskReddit

Did these folks waste their time? Maybe, but at least they were plenty entertained along the way. Plus, it meant the scammers had less time preying on other potential victims.

Below were some of the responses we found the funniest, most unique, and in some cases, most savage. Enjoy, and maybe bookmark a few to use for yourself.

1. “I once repeated ‘uh huh, go on..’ over and over until they got really irritated and then just hung up on me.”

2. "My grandfather let them do their whole speech for about 20 minutes. He then told them he didn't have his hearing aid in and asked if they could repeat it all. They hung up immediately."

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'Gente-fied'media1.giphy.com

3. “I once saw caller ID (land line days) with a number that I figured was a telemarketer. In a ‘tough’ voice, without saying hello I asked, ‘Is he dead?’ And about a beat and a half later I said, ‘Because if he ain’t dead, don’t you even think about coming back here.’ Then what sounded like a young woman on the other end said, ‘Um, uh, uh Bye!’ Hope she had as much fun telling her friends as I had telling mine.”

4. "Scammer was Indian, I'm Indian, I put on my Indian accent then accused him of putting on a bad fake Indian accent to make fun of me and told him he should be ashamed of himself. It was a few seconds of fun."

5. “I asked, ‘does your mother know that you steal for a living?’ He responded, ‘yes.’ I hadn't planned on that.

6. "Just start chanting in Latin. Most hang up quickly. One begged me not to curse her family."

7. “We have a Rick Roll extension. We forward them to it after telling them about the brief hold and then check the recording length the next day to see if they’ve beaten the record.”

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'Never Gonna Give You Up'media4.giphy.com

8. "You've reached the FBI telephone fraud division, how may I help you?"

9. "’Hi, We have been trying to reach you about your car's warranty.’ ‘Thats great, what plans can you offer me on my 97 geo metro? I've only been in 6 wrecks.’ They usually just give up.”

10. "I once got a scammer to say ‘I love you too.’ It was one of those resort/vacation calls and I kept him in the line for his whole spiel. When he asked who else would be vacationing with me, I asked if he would go with me. I was like, ‘It will save on airfare because you're already there.’ Ended up with him saying he had to end the call and I was like, ‘Okay. I love you.’ And he reflexively goes ‘I love you too.’ The high point of my life."

11. “If they are calling about windows and doors, I tell them I live in a tent. ‘You are calling a tent, did you know this?’ If they call about HVAC, I tell them I live in a castle, and we heat it in the wintertime by burning witches.”

12. "’Mr. Smashing Stuff, I'm calling about an accident you were involved in that wasn't your fault.’ ‘Oh it wasn't an accident, I meant to hurt those people.’ The pause you get before being immediately escalated to a 'manager' is like a crack to me."

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'Austin Powers'media4.giphy.com

13. “I give them a phone number one digit at a time and ask them to repeat it as a whole after each one. Then tell them they got it wrong when I'm done and start over.”

14. "I have two things I do. 1) I try to sell them WiFi. I personally have nothing to do with internet services. But I can guarantee that my services are the cheapest in town and seeing as how you called me you must be interested. Now before you think ‘man I’m really not gonna get as good a deal as I’d like.’ I can promise no buffers and high-quality streaming at a fraction. Yes, you heard it a fraction of what you currently are paying, if you just give me your first and last name we can get the ball rolling. No one has ever lasted that one. 2) in a very heavy southern accent. ‘Now the lord spoke to me today and he told me that I’d be bringing another one of his lambs that had been led astray back into the flock, I’m gonna open this conversation with a prayer real quick.’ Most people hang up. Some and very few last through my 10-minute prayer. After that, I go straight into asking about their addictions and why the lord is telling me about how their browser history is causing demons to enter their home."

15. "Is this what you wanted to be when you grew up?"

16. “I used to get a lot of ‘home security’ calls offering alarm systems and cameras. I would of course ask all the curious questions and then lead them to believe I was using the alarm system and cameras to keep people inside the house.”

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'The Diplomat'media1.giphy.com

17. "Me - do you believe in our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Them - yes. Me - he wants you to quit calling."

18. "My new thing is to heavily troll them for as long as possible. If they're going to waste my time with endless calls, well then I'm going to do the same. Here's a good one - I recently encountered a very low-tech health insurance scam that used an actual phone line and not a spoof. I called them back literally over 1000 times for two days straight and eventually got to the main person. He actually pleaded for me to stop calling and apologized profusely, lol it was very satisfying."

19. “I tell them my mother said to me not to talk to strangers and ask them to call me on FaceTime.”

20. "I can't talk right now, I'm actually here to rob the place."

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudA robber on a mission.media4.giphy.com

21. "HELLO, caller number two! You’re on with The Sturge at numbitty 902 WA3DFM. What do you have to say about the Lizard Illuminati?”

22. “I get calls for Duct cleaning. When they ask I ask if they do chickens or geese too.”

23. "I pretend to be the dumbest guy in the world. Them - ‘You should update your home's security’ Me - ‘Like how?’ Them - ‘A camera on the front door is a good st..’ Me (interrupts) - ‘Front door? My front door is on the side of my house. How will that work? Do you have a side door camera?’ Them - ‘Yes sir of course. We have many dif…’ Me (interrupts again) - ‘PHEW! I have looked for so long for a side front door camera salesman. You, sir, are my savior. Are you married?’”

24. “I take a deep breath and let out a continuous raspberry. (fart noise with your tongue) for as long as I can. When I stop to take a breath I usually hear ‘..uh.. hello?’ And then I take a big breath again and continue. No one has made it to two full raspberries before hanging up on me.”

phone scams, robocall, robocall blocker, roboblock, cyberfraudFrom 'New Girl'media1.giphy.com

25. “I whisper into the mic to make them turn the volume on their headsets up then suddenly start yelling.”

Granted, it might be worth adding the disclaimer that for many of these folks, scamming might not exactly be a choice. Around the world, human trafficking-fueled cyberfraud, in which people are lured through fake job ads and forced into scamming work, has become more prevalent—especially post-COVID. So sometimes, the folks on the other lines are victims themselves. So, while it might be cathartic to give them a taste of their own medicine, it’s also good to keep in mind that many aren’t necessarily doing it of their free will.

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Under or over? There actually is a 'right' way to hang a toilet paper roll.

The debate is settled, once and for all.

Elya/Wikimedia Commons

Should you hang the toilet paper roll over or under?

Humans have debated things large and small over the millennia, from democracy to breastfeeding in public to how often people ought to wash their sheets. But perhaps the most silly-yet-surprisingly heated household debate is the one in which we argue over which way to hang the toilet paper roll.

The "over or under" question has plagued marriages and casual acquaintances alike for over 100 years, with both sides convinced they have the soundest reasoning for putting their toilet paper loose end out or loose end under. Some people feel so strongly about right vs. wrong TP hanging that they will even flip the roll over when they go to the bathroom in the homes of strangers.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not merely an inconsequential preference. According to health experts and the man who invented the toilet paper roll, there is actually a "correct" way to hang toilet paper.

What is the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper?

First, let's be clear about what we're even talking about here with a visual. In the image below, left is "over" and right is "under."

toilet paper, bathrooms, over or under, toilet roll, bathroom etiquetteToilet paper hung "over" (left) and "under" (right)Elya/Wikimedia Commons


So which one is the right way? According to health experts, "over" is the way to go.

"One key to maintaining a hygienic washroom is minimising contact between people and surfaces," Dr. Christian Moro, associate professor of health sciences and medicine at Bond University on Australia's Gold Coast, told Australian Broadcasting Corporation. "Depending on the type of roll holder, [hanging the toilet paper "over"] often lowers the chance that a user will touch the wall behind when fishing for paper, leaving germs behind on that surface which can be spread to the next user."

Picture it: Grabbing the end of the toilet paper when it's hung "over" means you only touch the part of the toilet paper you're going to use. When it's "under," you sometimes have to fish for it or scrape your fingers on the wall in order to grab the loose end. In addition to whatever might be on people's hands already, think about all the people who wipe twice, potentially transferring fresh fecal matter or other bacteria to the wall on the second pass, which then get picked up by other people who inadvertently touch that wall when trying to grab their TP.

Theoretically, we all should have become better hand washers during the pandemic, scrubbing with soap for the full 20 seconds it takes to remove bacteria. But I wouldn't be willing to bet on it.

toilet paper, empty toilet paper roll, batthroom, bathroom etiquette, over or underEmpty toilet paper roll.via Canva/Photos

And touching any surface in a bathroom is pretty nasty, according to a study from the University of Colorado. As Inc. reported: "Using a high-tech genetic sequencing tool, researchers identified 19 groups of bacteria on the doors, floors, faucet handles, soap dispensers, and toilets of 12 public restrooms in Colorado — six men’s restrooms and six women’s restrooms. Many of the bacteria strains identified could be transmitted by touching contaminated surfaces."

Bacteria means things like e.coli, which is a common source of food poisoning and one of the most common bacteria found on bathroom surfaces in the study. If you've ever had a bout of food poisoning, I'm sure you'll agree that a toilet paper roll hanging preference isn't worth risking it.

But sanitary health concerns aren't the only argument for the "over" camp. After all, the original patent for the toilet paper roll, issued in 1891, clearly shows the TP in the "over" position. Thank you for the clarity right from the get go, Mr. Wheeler.

toilet paper, bathrooms, over or under, toilet roll, bathroom etiquetteThe toilet paper roll was patented by Seth Wheeler in 1891.Public Domain


In Wheeler's patent, the perforated toilet paper hangs on a roll in the "over" position. In the words of the patent, the sheets of TP are “partially separated, having their points of attachment arranged in a novel manner, whereby each sheet will easily separate from the series as it is drawn from the roll, there being no litter occasioned, and any waste of paper is thereby prevented.”

Now, before the "under" folks come running with their pitchforks, there are some understandable exceptions to the "over" rule. Namely: cats and kids.

If you have a furry friend or a tiny toddler who likes to unroll the toilet paper roll, "over" makes it super fun for them, while "under" stops them in their tracks. For many people, cats and kids are the primary motivator of their TP hanging habits.

That doesn't change the fact that "over" is actually the "correct" way to hang toilet paper according to health science and the inventor's intention, of course, but "under" is certainly preferable to having a pile of TP on the floor.

Now go forth, do that with information as you will, and try to make peace with your over vs. under rivals.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Humor

People share the 40 words commonly mispronounced that absolutely send them and it's maddening

"Supposably."

Images via Canva

People share commonly mispronounced words that annoy them.

Mispronouncing words happens to all of us. Even for the most diction and grammar literate, words can come out scrambled. But in the English language, some words are commonly mispronounced more than others—somehow becoming commonplace in our everyday language.

Mispronouncing words or phrases irks many people, and in a popular online forum, member @Wonderful-Economy762 posed this question about mispronounced words: "What is one word that people wrongly pronounce that makes your brain just wanna jump a cliff?" And its fellow members did not hold back.

Many shared their feelings about how it feels when they hear people mispronouncing them:

"My rage bubbled up faster than expected reading this," one wrote.

Another added, "Oh man, nails on a chalkboard. I instantly make unfair assumptions about the person who says this."

And another quipped, "Does it count if I do it on purpose to be obnoxious sometimes?"

These are 40 words that are commonly mispronounced that received a passionate mention–with many pointing out how to properly pronounce them.

"Supposably. When a grown adult says 'Supposably' to mean 'supposedly', they sound like a petulant infant who just threw their broccoli off of their high chair onto the ground." —@s7o0a0p

"Lie-berry." —@DixonHerbox

"Exspecially." —@iamhere-2

espresso, espresso shot, espresso cup, espresso drink, drink coffeeCoffee Conan Obrien GIF by Team CocoGiphy

"eXpresso." —@Turbulent_Gene7017

"On accident. (You don’t say you did something on accident. You did something by accident." —@Throwaway7219017, @_incredigirl_

"'I could care less.' It's "I couldn't care less" which means you could NOT care less which means you DON'T CARE LOL." —@EmergencyPharmacy53

"Real-la-tor instead of real-tor." —@jajabibi67

"When people say Valentine’s Day as 'Valentimes day' 😭." —@Glittering_Pea5599

"Nuclear pronounced as 'New-queue-lur. Drives me bonkers!" —@Maleficent-Yam-5196

nuclear, nuclear bomb, nuclear test, nuclear boom, nuclear cloudTest Boom GIFGiphy

"Could of / should of / etc." —@Traditional_Goal6971

"Eggcetera." —@ufficient_Space8484

"Across. People here say 'acrost'. And I know it’s now accepted but it throws me when I hear people say 'axin' instead of 'asking'." —@UtahUtopia

"Irregardless." —@fineline3061

"For all INTENTS AND purposes." —@Doc308

mischief, mischievous, plotting, scheming, mischievous gifYoutube Evil Smile GIF by Best.Cover.EverGiphy

"Mischievous. Miss-Chev-Us. But EVERYONE says Miss-Chee—VEE-us. I said it wrong for decades too." —@fleshvessel

"Amblance instead of Ambulance." —@katmcflame

"Pellow. Melk. Fustrated." —@KimboSliceChestHair

"Punkin instead of pumpkin." —@Geester43

italian, italy, italian gif, jersey shore, italian menHappy Italian GIFGiphy

"Italian. It's not Eyetalian." —@hairyairyolas

"Hot take…When did we start pronouncing the 'T' in 'often?' I was taught in school it was silent :)" —@SilentConstant2114

"Pacifically instead of specifically." —@PepsiMaxHoe

"Pitcher for picture." —@shnarfmaster3000

"'FentaNAHL'. It’s fentanyl." —@daveindo

champing, champing at the bit, mispronounced, mispronunciation, mispronounced wordGet To The Point GIF by Aurora Consulting: Business, Insurance, Financing ExpertsGiphy

"I’m going to expose my middle-class here but it’s KEE-NWAH, not KIH-NOAH. And it’s ‘Champing at the bit’, not ‘chomping’." —@creator_chronicles

"Where people say 'seen' instead of 'saw'. 'I seen this car coming down the street...' My brain melts every time." —@Direct_Disaster9299

"Kindygarten, kiddygarden." —@NeverDidLearn

'Take for granite' u sound so dumb. Its GRANTED people." —@silly_creation650

strawberry, strawberries, berries, fruit, strawberry gifStrawberry GIFGiphy

"'Oh look! A strawbrery!'" —@WafflesTalbot

"'verbiage' as 'verb-uj'." —@valentinakontrabida

"Anyways. There is no 'S' in this." —@Zealousideal-Cook104

"Writing 'ect.' instead of 'etc.' and pronouncing it wrongly - 'eccetera' instead of 'et cetera'." —@KiwiFruit404

"Foyer. It's Foy-yay, not Foy-yer." —@hoosiergirl1962

birthday, birthday word, party, birthday party, birthday celebrationWhat Is That Happy Birthday GIF by The OfficeGiphy

"There so many. Here are but a few. 'Burfday'. It’s birthday, damn it! 'Alls I know'. I want to rip my ears off. 'Ax' instead of 'ask'." —@mbc072558

"Poinsettia, people say it as pointsetta, it has irked me for years." —@dararie

"When people say 'pitcher' for 'picture'." —@Desperate_Holiday_78


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Pop Culture

I made these 5 changes to transport my lifestyle back to the 1990's

You don't have to give up the best of today to recapture that feeling we all miss.

Photo credit: Canva

These 5 changes transported my lifestyle back to the early 90s

Since technology has become such a large part of everyday life, it can feel as if you have to constantly portray this perfect image online. Even the most self-assured person becomes self-conscious and worried about the possibility of being recorded without their knowledge and becoming a viral meme. For me, technology became a strange time warp. Every time I open a social media app, the room becomes distorted as I transport to the same spot, but three hours later.

It was extremely frustrating suddenly going from having eight hours to get something done to only having five or less. But the thing is, the passage of time seemed completely out of my control at the time. Picking up my phone became a habit that took away so many things that I didn't realize I was missing—so I stopped. When Lent rolled around this year, I decided to live more like the early 1990s and the results were so impressive that I don't think I'll ever fully come back.

These are the five changes I made to transport my lifestyle back to the 90s...

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeVHS tapePhoto credit: Canva

1. No social media

There was no such thing as social media in the 80s and 90s, so I cut it out as much as I could. I downloaded an app called Opal which blocks any apps that are deemed a distraction. You can control the apps it blocks, but it also suggests which apps to block based on your phone usage. They offer body doubling options for better focus as well as different types of focus related music on top of sending quirky little messages when you attempt to access the app while it's blocked.

Since my employment relies on me accessing social media, I set a two-hour limit per day so I could access the apps for work. This really helped me recognize how much time these apps were taking. Opal rewards you for staying off of the blocked apps by unlocking different gems that you get the satisfaction of hammering open on your screen.

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeTwo girls looking at cell phonePhoto credit: Canva

2. No Google

As someone who enjoys learning, this was probably harder than giving up social media. But do you remember what it was like to wonder? Instead of Googling something random that felt urgent like "is Pluto a planet again," I just wonder. If it's something that is actually important enough for me to want to look up (not work related), I *gasp* go to the library.

Apparently the library has books, magazines, scientific journals, CDs, computers, and more. It takes a little more work but I get to chat with the librarians and they help find the things I'm looking for. It has made researching much more tactile which seems to translate into absorbing and retaining more information. Avoiding Googling and asking Alexa and Siri has also resulted in me striking up more conversations in person and on the phone. Why ask Google how to get a kid to drink more water when I can ask my mom?

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeWoman looking out windowPhoto credit: Canva

3. Movies on DVD

Okay, DVDs aren't early 90s but I honestly have no idea where you'd find a VCR or if they still make VCR tapes. Probably not, since having a VCR is like having an 8Track. Turns out DVD players and DVDs are fairly inexpensive, especially if you're not buying new movies. Watching movies on DVD instead of streaming devices allowed us to own the movies and series outright. On top of not having to worry about a streaming service ending an agreement with a series I'm in the middle of binging, I also don't get stuck in constant scrolling through endless options.

4. Spend more time outside

During the month of April, I spent a lot of time making my backyard inviting. Plenty of seating for when people stop by, a swing under our pear tree to enjoy the sunshine, lantern lights, and mosquito deterrents. Without social media sucking the time right out from under me, sitting outside listening to nature has been anxiety reducing.

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeWoman with three kids drawing hopscotchPhoto credit: Canva

Riding bikes, roller blading, and drawing hopscotch boards in the driveway are now just part of our week. Going outside more has had the side effect of having my own child spend time outside learning games I used to play as a child. It has been fun to share these simpler games and activities with them.

5. Reconnecting with friends

This was something I'll admit that I didn't purposely seek out at first. It was a a happy consequence of not keeping up with people on social media. While social media can be great for keeping in touch with long distance friends or family, at some point I started relying on it to know what was going on in people's lives. Or at least it felt like I knew what was going on by watching their lives through pictures and curated updates. Without constantly logging in, I sought connection though phone calls, texts, hangouts in onesies on the couch, and brunch dates.

1990s; no technology; live like 80s; go back to 90s; life without technology; simpler lifeTwo teen girls sitting on bedPhoto credit: Canva

Spending more time speaking to people in my life no matter how far away they are connected us on a deeper level just like before social media. What people can't see from an Instagram post about a trip to the zoo is the tears or frustration the poster might be holding back due to something untold happening behind the perfectly cued up smiles. But when you hear your friend's voice, you know when something is off and can support them in real time. There's also something special about sharing more belly laughs in person or helping them clean their kitchen while belting along to the tunes pouring from their Alexa.

Since many people work in a position that requires the computer, it can be nearly impossible to get rid of technology completely. But trying to limit use as much as possible can have a fair amount of unexpected positive side effects. Since limiting my own use of technology, I've been happier, more creative, more social, and I'm pretty sure I've increased my vitamin D levels due to the increased time I spend outdoors. There's no real way to go back to the 90s, but for now this is close enough and others may find it helpful to try to do the same.

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