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A police officer's compassionate act inspired a program to help officers offer a 'hand-up'

Officers get a debit card to help with a person's immediate needs—food, diapers, transportation, replacement of stolen items, and more.

police officer, law enforcement, protect and serve, compassion, acts of kindness
Photo credit: Canva

BlueBridge Alliance gives officers the means to provide material help community members on the spot.

We often think of police officers as the people who enforce laws, arrest suspects, and generally deal with the criminal element of society. But many of the people the police come into contact with aren't criminals. Sometimes they're victims. Sometimes they're people in crisis. When officers respond to a service call, they often find people on their worst day during a difficult time.

Ideally, officers are trained to help connect community members with services that can help them, but people often have other needs that are practical, material, and immediate. Financial struggle can compound whatever else is going on, and officers often find themselves either at a loss to help or dipping into their own pockets to meet a small need they know they can do something about.

It was a San Diego police officer's act of compassion—buying a snack for a hungry neighborhood child shortly before being shot and killed in 2011—that inspired Brian Spracklen to ask, "What if every officer had the resources to offer similar kindness in moments of vulnerability?" Four years later in Kennewick, Washington, Police Chief Ken Hohenberg (an old friend of Spracklen's) launched a program with the support of community leaders to provide exactly those resources, funded by donations from the local community.

That initiative had a profound effect on police-community relations in Kennewick. Officers were able to perform random acts of kindness like buying diapers for a struggling mom, replacing a critical tool that had been stolen, or meeting other essential needs to make someone's situation just a little bit easier. Those acts of compassion help foster greater trust with the community, leading to increased cooperation, improved communication, and enhanced public safety.

The success of that pilot program spread. Today, Spracklen and Hohenberg run BlueBridge Alliance, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization that currently partners with 58 police departments across Washington state.

BlueBridge's goals are simple:

  1. To relieve suffering by providing immediate, on-the-spot, short-term assistance to those in urgent need.
  2. To strengthen (and where necessary, restore) mutual trust and respect between the police and the members of the community they serve.
  3. To boost police morale and renew officers’ service ethos, leading to improved recruitment and retention.
The way it works is simple as well. Each officer is provided a debit card with a certain amount of funds (say, $100 a month) that they can use at their discretion as they see needs arise in their daily work in the community. The continual flow of funds is raised locally, giving the whole community an opportunity help out their neighbors when they need a "hand-up." On-the-spot aid may sometimes be a band-aid for a bigger issue, but as we all know, a band-aid is a big relief when you really need one
Though some people believe that it's not a police officer's job to buy someone a bus ticket or groceries to get them through the week, the reality is that the police are often right there on the ground, face-to-face with people in need. Giving officers a way to "serve and protect" in material ways is an efficient method of meeting people's immediate needs, not to mention a means for one human to help another.
"It might be surprising for many people to know that most police aren’t out to 'bust' people for doing things," Spracklen tells Upworthy. "They typically get into their profession because they want to help people out. And, most people they have contact with are good people having a bad day or experiencing a rough spot. Our program provides them a tool that can help 'bridge' a gap between what’s needed right now and connecting them with resources that can help them longer-term. This builds trust, improves public safety, and saves money in criminal justice costs to the public."
Here's one example of the initiative in action shared by an officer in Pullman, Washington:

"I came in contact with a military veteran approximately 80 years old, who was seeking help due to the heat in his apartment not working. The male had made a complaint to the property management and had a work order to be created for the repair of the heat in his apartment unit, though it had not been completed before the weekend. The male had attempted to call the afterhours number for the property and called the Community Action Center, who oversees the apartments he lives in. The male told me he was cold, and did not have the funds to purchase a heater while he waited for the property management to fix his. The male told he had metal plates in his leg due to being in the military and was struggling in the cold. At the time of contact with the male, it was approximately 40 degrees outside with a cold breeze. The male had two more days until it was business hours again to attempt to reach management about the heat again. I attempted to call them myself and was unable to speak with anyone. I then decided to purchase the male a space heater for his apartment until his heating could be fixed. The male was surprised when I arrived with a heater in hand but immediately thanked me for getting one. It was not his fault the management did not fix the heater before ending their workweek, and it felt good to help someone make it through the weekend without being cold." - Officer A. St. Andre

Naturally, there are questions about accountability. When officers use the card, they upload their receipts to the BlueBridge system and fill out a report, which provides information about how the funds were used as well as demographic data that helps inform the program. There's also a way to anonymously report a misuse of funds through the BlueBridge website.
The heart of the program is compassion, but hard data plays a big role in the program's success. Spracklen says BlueBridge Alliance was founded almost like a tech startup. "We are always looking at metrics, and learning and improving from them—it’s a never-ending cycle," he says, adding that there are unique challenges to getting non-profit efforts off the ground compared to for-profit companies: "There’s a fundraising paradox for nonprofits: The smaller you are, the more expensive it is to obtain funds that are desperately needed. And, you can’t afford to fundraise much when you’re trying to spend people’s donations to achieve your organization's goals for doing good."
It costs around $5,000 to get a new community set up with the program. Though BlueBridge Alliance is currently only partnering with precincts in Washington state, there are expansion plans in the pipeline.
"We have over 100 law enforcement agencies across the country on our expansion list who are clamoring for a program," says Spracklen. "We’re trying to obtain the funding to get them started up. We found that once started, communities overwhelmingly support their local programs through donations, but it’s the initial hard costs of getting the program started that’s a challenge."
People can donate to the general BlueBridge Alliance mission here, and Washington residents can search for their local departments' funds here.
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5 ways people are going "All In" this week

From the silly to the sentimental, here are five ways people across the internet are giving it their all.

True

When you hear the words “all in,” what do you think? You might picture a color-coordinated, fairy-themed surprise proposal that took months to create, or maybe you think of a singer who went on stage and nailed the perfect high note in front of everyone (like this girl). Whatever you picture, the idea is the same: Going “all in” means doing something with total commitment—literally giving it your “all” and going completely over the top. No second guessing, no holding back—just full-throttle enthusiasm with some creativity and flair thrown in. That’s how we get those viral internet moments we can’t stop watching.

This week, we've found a handful of hilarious and heart-warming videos that perfectly capture what it's like to go "all in"—moments where passion, creativity, and commitment take center stage and something truly special happens as a result. Here are five of our favorite examples.

1. This "Sports Car" singalong

@_julianabba Replying to @courtney_azbell I’m okay @tate mcrae @t8 hq #tate #tatemcrae #tatemcraetour #sportscar #soclosetowhat #misspossesive #misspossesivetour #tatemcrae1 ♬ original sound - jules

The viral song “Sports Car” by Tate McRae has become an absolute viral hit, and it’s not hard to see why. Not only is the song super catchy, but her performance is show-stopping (you might even say she and her backup dancers go all in). Everyone is singing and dancing along—although this content creator’s rendition of the song might be the most passionate one. He gets a little too caught up, as you’ll see at the end of this video—and, well, his reenactment becomes "show stopping" in a different way. (Don't worry, though, he's totally fine.)

2. A little bit of everything, according to Reddit (but especially personal growth) 

This week, the team at All In asked Reddit users what they go “all in” on in their own lives, and the responses were entertaining and inspiring (and sometimes both). One commenter shared that they go all in on blue cheese dressing when they’re eating buffalo wings (respect), while another shared that they go all in on saving up their retirement (we love to see people reaching for big goals). Turns out you can go “all in” on everything from maintaining a healthy marriage to putting salt on your cucumbers. Our favorite responses, though, were people who went in on personal growth and learning. Click here to see what they had to say (and click here to snag a box of All In bars—for free!).

3. Pursuing a life-long dream 

@kynder.jpg that's my mom! 💙⛸️ #iceskating #followyourdreams #figureskating #lifeover50 ♬ No One - Aly & AJ

If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking you’re “too old” to follow your dreams, watch this video, because this midlife mom will prove you wrong. This video shows a woman skating in her first figure skating competition—and she’s about to turn 50. The daughter, who filmed and posted the video to TikTok, says that ice skating has always been her mother’s lifelong dream, and recently she just decided to go for it. The costume, the composition, and the passion are all first-rate, but the best part is that the commenters are going crazy for her, too. One of them wrote, “As a former competitive figure skater, nothing makes me tear up like videos of people getting into skating later in life. The ice was my first love, it was home. Welcome home.”

4. These infectious dance moves

@itz_sokizzy

♬ Some Nights - Fun.

Okay, so unlike the figure skating mom, there’s nothing technically impressive about this woman dancing—as in, she’s not a professional dancer. She doesn’t use choreography or sparkly costumes—but what’s great about these videos is that her passion and enthusiasm just can’t be denied. It’s just her in her bonnet, dancing along to upbeat classics like “Some Nights,” by Fun, and somehow you can’t help but be completely mesmerized—and maybe start dancing along yourself. We watched a bunch of her videos—there are tons, and they’re all equally enthusiastic—and we couldn’t help but laugh and groove right along with her. That’s what’s great about going “all in”—it inspires other people, too.

Song re-enactments...with a surprising guest star 

@animallover.zx123 if you're done with your ex move on#just move on#ex #move on with your life #fyp #fyp #fyp #fyp ♬ Gladdest Done with your ex - GLAD FAMILY

People can sometimes be “extra” when it comes to their pets (like dressing up their dog as a cowboy or a mailman for Halloween). But there’s being “extra” with your pet, and then there’s going “all in,” which this TikTok creator undoubtedly does. King Guinea Adventures (@animallover.zx123) has built a platform on staging re-enactments of popular songs, but with a twist: the star of the show is a guinea pig. These hilarious videos show the guinea pig acting out the lyrics of popular songs such as “Video Games” by Lana Del Ray and “Whiskey Lullaby” by Braid Paisley and Alison Kraus. The literalism of these videos is what makes them actually hilarious, and it shows how much thought the creator put into making them (In “Video Games,” for example, when Lana sings “Swinging in the backyard / pull up in your fast car,” you see a literal toy car appear in the swing next to him. When she gets to the lyric “video games,” you see a Nintendo Switch pop up.) It’s creative, it’s funny, it’s fun—and best of all, this creator takes their love of pop culture (and the love of her pet guinea pig) and truly goes “all in.”

Snag a free (!!) box of All In snack bars here while this deal lasts. Just pick up a box at Sprouts and text a pic of your receipt to get it for free. Enoy!

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Modern Families

Millennials struggling to buy a home want 'out of touch' Boomer parents to get their reality

Some advice for Millennials dealing with parents who won't listen.

Images via Canva/Photodjo, Andy Dean Photography

Millennials are frustrated with their Boomers parents about real estate.

Millennials trying to buy homes in today's economy are up against a rock and a hard place. Unlike for their Boomer parents, the dream of buying a home continues to feel further away.

According to the National Association of Realtors (NAR), Millennials "continue to be fenced out of home ownership." The organization reported that in 2024, the average age of first time home ownership rose to 38 years old, up from 35 years-old just the year before. "First-time buyers face high home prices, high mortgage interest rates and limited inventory, making them a decade older with significantly higher incomes than previous generations of buyers," Jessica Lautz, NAR deputy chief economist and vice president of research, said in a November 2024 press release.

Millennials are airing their frustrations amongst each other in the Reddit thread r/Millennials, sharing their stories and experiences with their Boomer parents—with many calling Boomers "out of touch."

@thejennifink

The disconnect with reality is real but I can’t stop bringing it up. #housingmarket #zillow #realestate #boomers #millennials #millennialsoftiktok #home

One Millennial wrote, "This topic is like hitting a dead horse, but I just needed to rant. Back story, I work out at a gym with people who are our parents age, and of the boomer generation. I overheard them saying, 'we bought our first home for $65,000. I’m sure kids these days are only paying $125,000 for that same house'. When they said that, I burst out laughing. How are they so out of touch? It drives me nuts."

Another Millennial replied, "Willful ignorance. Takes four seconds to go on Zillow and find out that’s bullsh*t 😆."

And another shared, "I'm not kidding... when I showed my dad actual data on itemized COL inflation, he said that 'the data just says that but that doesn't mean it's real'.... This is a guy that I would normally consider smart and with it. When it comes to these kinds of topics of societal degradation, he can't accept it. He is willfully ignorant to things being worse now for me than they were for him at my age."

@mel_owens

& invent a time machine. #boomer #homeowner #housingmarket #homebuying #comedy

Others explained how they attempted to explain to their Boomer parents how expensive homes currently are. Another shared, "Last Christmas, the sibs and I collectively managed to remember all the addresses we had lived in in our childhoods and Zillowed all of them to show our parents. All are still standing. All were built in the 70s. All are rural or suburban/small towns. Parents were astounded at what these 50+ year houses are going for today, especially compared to what they paid for them 30-40 years ago."

Millennials added their conversations with parents who got defensive. One wrote, "I legit just had this same conversation! They say 'complain when it’s 14% interest' excuse me, your house was 60k and dad was making 40, don’t piss on me and tell me it’s raining. That fancy 250k house is now like 600k…get a grip, average house is 438k."

Another shared, "My dad still gives me a hard time about renting, constantly tells me how I should invest in a house. I sat him down one day and opened up a mortgage calculator, showed him how with the current interest rates it just wasn't gonna happen- he seemed to get it. For a little bit anyways haha. I saw him last month and he told me again how rent is wasted money yadda yadda."

- YouTube www.youtube.com

How Millennials can have conducive home ownership talks with Boomer parents

Millennials can have healthy and productive conversations with their Boomer parents when discussions about buying a home become tense or uncomfortable, Aly Bullock, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist with Paired, tells Upworthy.

Here are three things Millennials can say to their parents during these tough talks:

Phrase #1: "I understand that we have different views on this, and that's okay with me."

Bullock explains, "This acknowledges that you understand their POV and you are still willing to stick with your own opinion. It is a very gentle way of setting a boundary and letting them know you are comfortable having different opinions."

Phrase #2: "I would love to hear you out, and my request is that in return you respect my right to make a personal decision even if it does not align with what you've shared."

"Even when their kids are grown, parents still love the chance to influence their children," says Bullock. "This phrase lets your parents know that you would love to hear their opinion, you welcome it, AND reminds them gently that you are grown and they should offer you similar respect."

Phrase #3: "This conversation seems to keep causing tension between us, and I'd rather focus on something we have in common right now. Can we set it aside for a bit?"

According to Bullock, "This acknowledges the tension without placing blame. It gives the adult child an opportunity to stop the conversation before it deteriorates further, while emphasizing the positive pieces of the relationship."

Finally, she notes that it may take placing boundaries around these conversations. "Remember that you don't have to tell your parents everything. Some things are better left unsaid," says Bullock. "The truth is that parents change as they age and may or may not be able to cope well with generational differences or unmet expectations. Try to have compassion for them as you decide which things to keep to yourself in order to protect your own mental health."

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Golden Years

Senior man delights retirement home karaoke with a show-stopping rendition of 'Just a Gigolo'

He gave David Lee Roth a run for his money.

Photo Credit: Okley Gibbs

Okley Gibbs sings at a senior living home.

The senior living home where my mom resides is a gift that keeps on giving. Everyone there (like everyone everywhere) has a story to tell and a past to unravel in the most colorful yarn. In their prior lives, they were dancers, lawyers, doctors, and singers. They still are these things—just a bit older.

Sunday karaoke at The Reserve at North Dallas has been a true gem, one to which many of the elderly residents look forward. Upworthy shared the brilliant rendition of Carole Wade's "Landslide," which truly moved many of us to the core.

That same day, I happened to grab a clip of a man named Okley Gibbs (though like Cher or Madonna, he just prefers Okley) singing a spot-on, wild, show-stopping version of David Lee Roth's "Just a Gigolo."

His significant other, Leslie Wolpa (who is an amazing singer in her own right), cheered him on as he sang the song in perfect pitch, and added some dancing and a jaunty little hat tip.

Upworthy had a chance to hear Okley's story, which is incredibly unique. Having grown up near Omaha, Nebraska, he met Leslie at a weekly talent show at a casino, and they've been a couple for over two decades. Both aspiring musicians, they moved to Dallas, Texas, "where everything is bigger."

But his love of music goes all the way back to age four; he picked up a guitar around six. A turning point, even so early on, was starring as one of Fagin's boys in a musical production of Oliver!—where he particularly loved the song "Where Is Love."

Oliver, musical, music, where is love Oliver asks if he can have some more porridge. Giphy Romulus Films

His inspiration comes from Elvis, Frank Sinatra, Tony Bennett, Bobby Sherman, and Stevie Ray Vaughan (for guitar). But it's the crooners who really resonate with Okley. His appreciation for their big style naturally morphed (in the late 70s/early 80s) into a passion for Van Halen and Aerosmith. Somehow, the mix of these big personalities with a little rock 'n' roll edge was the perfect space for him.

He had a stint in graduate school in Michigan where he studied applied physics, more specifically satellite observation. But he was preoccupied with music and jokingly says, "Instead of making as much money as I could, I sidelined as a singer."

Now he finds himself enjoying the hustle. "I busk with my guitar along the 75 (near the freeway) corridor in Richardson and downtown Plano," he says. "I'll play until a security guard moves me, but usually they're pretty nice." He often plays in areas near restaurants, hotel entrances, or Walmarts. "Last week, I played at a park which had 300 high school kids and their parents taking pictures," he says.

The wonderful moments—the ones that remind him why he's doing it—are when people listen and encourage him to "play some more!"

Okley and Leslie sing "I'll Be Seeing You" as a duet:

@cdk213

#CapCut

His favorite song to sing with Leslie is the Kenny Rogers duet "Love the World Away," so that will be coming to a karaoke night soon. But their beautiful duet of "I'll Be Seeing You" is a close second.

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Education

One simple word makes children 30% more likely to cooperate. It works on adults, too.

No, it's not 'please.'

Photo credit: Canva

Jonah Berger explains how appealing to someone's identity makes them more likely to agree to a request.

Human psychology really isn't that complicated, if you think about it. Everybody wants to see themselves in a positive light. That’s the key to understanding Jonah Berger’s simple tactic that makes people 30% more likely to do what you ask. Berger is a marketing professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania and the bestselling author of “Magic Words: What to Say to Get Your Way.”

Berger explained the technique using a Stanford University study involving preschoolers. The researchers messed up a classroom and made two similar requests to groups of 5-year-olds to help clean up.

One group was asked, "Can you help clean?" The other was asked, “Can you be a helper and clean up?" The kids who were asked if they wanted to be a “helper” were 30% more likely to want to clean the classroom. The children weren’t interested in cleaning but wanted to be known as “helpers.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger calls the reframing of the question as turning actions into identities.

"It comes down to the difference between actions and identities. We all want to see ourselves as smart and competent and intelligent in a variety of different things,” Berger told Big Think. “But rather than describing someone as hardworking, describing them as a hard worker will make that trait seem more persistent and more likely to last. Rather than asking people to lead more, tell them, 'Can you be a leader?' Rather than asking them to innovate, can you ask them to 'Be an innovator'? By turning actions into identities, you can make people a lot more likely to engage in those desired actions.”

Berger says that learning to reframe requests to appeal to people’s identities will make you more persuasive.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“Framing actions as opportunities to claim desired identities will make people more likely to do them,” Berger tells CNBC Make It. “If voting becomes an opportunity to show myself and others that I am a voter, I’m more likely to do it.”

This technique doesn’t just work because people want to see themselves in a positive light. It also works for the opposite. People also want to avoid seeing themselves being portrayed negatively.

“Cheating is bad, but being a cheater is worse. Losing is bad, being a loser is worse,” Berger says.

The same tactic can also be used to persuade ourselves to change our self-concept. Saying you like to cook is one thing, but calling yourself a chef is an identity. “I’m a runner. I’m a straight-A student. We tell little kids, ‘You don’t just read, you’re a reader,’” Berger says. “You do these things because that’s the identity you hold.”

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Berger’s work shows how important it is to hone our communication skills. By simply changing one word, we can get people to comply with our requests more effectively. But, as Berger says, words are magic and we have to use them skillfully. “We think individual words don’t really matter that much. That’s a mistake,” says Berger. “You could have excellent ideas, but excellent ideas aren’t necessarily going to get people to listen to you.”

This article originally appeared last year. It has since been updated.

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Humor

Comedian perfectly explains the two wildly different types of millennials

If you're a Type 1, your best friend is definitely a Type 2.

Photo Credit: Canva

Concert-going or family-having types of millennial.

Comedian Jake Lambert could give a masterclass in generational observation. He nails each one in a way that is eerily spot-on, but also kind and respectful. Never shaming, all in good fun.

In a resurfaced clip from 2024, he posts "A Bit About Millennials" wherein he explains there are two types of millennial. "First of all, you've got your classic 'chaos millennial' and they rent with either their friends or their partner. They will have a proper job, but that is the only one mature thing in their life. And for eight hours a day, five days a week, they're able to convince other people that they're actually a fully-functioning adult."

@jakelambertcomedyfanpage

a bit about millennials #millennials #relatable #friendship #oppositefriend


He then goes on to describe Type 2. "And the other type of millennial went into a completely different direction. They're now married with children. They've got a mortgage. But despite having all that, they still actually feel like a child living in an adult's body. And now both type of millennials are friends. It's just that neither of them can quite understand how the other one is managing to live like that."

He further describes their differences, saying, "Like one of them will talk excitedly about something their children have done. And the other one will talk with even more excitement and enthusiasm about the fact that they're favorite band growing up is now doing a reunion tour."

Now to to be fair, as a Gen X-er, this would describe a lot of us as well. (Many of us are a cool mix between each type.)

generations, millennials, Gen X, adulting, adults A man points out that he is in fact grown. Giphy Grown Man Adult GIF

Though Lambert posted this on multiple platforms, there are over 4000 comments on his TikTok comedy page alone. Some are just proudly relating to the group in which they fit. "Chaos millennials unite!" writes one, garnering nearly 5000 likes and many comments. One TikToker shouts: " YASSSS!!! I'm basically a child in an adult body trying to earn adult money to buy toys for my inner child."

The Type 1 millennials also feel seen. "Did everyone know Aqua is doing a reunion tour?"

It's unclear as to which type this person lands on, but they feel represented nonetheless: "This hit me like an eloquent brick made of reality."

The truth is, according an article posted in The Guardian in 2023, RentCafé's "analysis of census data" shows just over half of millennials own homes. "Their home ownership rates increased dramatically even in expensive metro areas such as New York and Los Angeles."

Speaking of homes, Upworthy's Annie Reneau covered Lambert's hilarious clip, "How Different Generations Arrive at People's Houses."

As for kids, they're giving Gen X (once termed the baby-busters) a run for their money. According to a Pew Research study conducted at the beginning of the pandemic, "Millennials trail previous generations at the same age across three typical measures of family life: living in a family unit, marriage rates and birth rates."

This research adds, "Millennials lag furthest behind in the share living with a spouse and child. Only three-in-ten millennials fell into this category in 2019, compared with 40% of Gen Xers, 46% of Boomers and 70% of Silents (the Silent Generation) when they were the age millennials are now."

In 2025, the plan to have fewer or no kids remains higher for millennials than other generations thus far. Another study concludes, "Those currently in their 30s are having less kids than previous generations." They further note, "These declines in the number of children adults plan to have occurred almost entirely in the last decade."

Having just witnessed the Oasis concert this month, I'd guess most of them were the Type One, "chaos millennial," just looking for their next reunion tour.


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Experienced wedding planner shares 4 signs that absolutely mean the couple will get divorced

If he smashes the cake in her face, it’s all downhill from there.

via Angela Sevin/Flickr

A bride and groom feed each other cake.

A wedding planner on TikTok claims that she can predict whether a couple will get divorced by noticing subtle clues during the wedding planning and ceremony.

These minor problems are red flags that point to larger, more profound issues happening with the couple. While it may seem like these reasons are signs of unavoidable doom, they can also act as a warning for couples everywhere: if these signs appear in your relationship, get help.

“I can tell a bride and groom that's going to get divorced before they even get married,” Robin Yarusso says in a TikTok video. “So I've planned like 100 weddings and probably like 25, 30 proposals, and there are certain things that happen that I've seen time and time again with my brides and grooms that have divorced later on.”

@birdie1216

Signs that the marriage will fail during wedding planning #wedding #weddingplanning

1. Cake smash equals catastrophe

“If you smash cake, I don't know what it represents, but for some reason, none of my brides and grooms that did that are still together,” Yarusso says in the video.

Yarusso told TODAY.com that if the couple "didn't agree on it, didn’t discuss it, or if one said ‘no’ and it still happens, then it’s disrespectful. If the bride looks upset, like ‘Oh my gosh,’ and you didn’t want that to happen—I haven’t had a single couple survive that.”

Kevin Thompson, a pastor who has done countless weddings, says that when one person shoves the cake in the other's face unexpectedly, it shows four questionable characteristics: pride, force, revenge, and contempt. All of these characteristics don’t bode well for a happy marriage.

2. Sneaky expenditures

“So if I have a bride that's calling me on the side, being like, 'Let's add this to the flowers. Don't tell Jim. Let's do that.' Don't. The don't-tells, those. Those people end up getting divorced,” Yarusso says in the video.

When a bride or groom makes secret financial arrangements behind the other’s back, it says two terrible things: they disagree on money—a major predictor of divorce—and that they can’t be trusted. If they’re lying about money, what else are they being dishonest about?

brides, sad bride, bridal party, mad bride, wedding trouble, A bride is crying at her wedding.via Canva/Photos

3. Pushy mother-in-laws are a curse

“If your mother or the groom's mother, the bride's mother, whichever one it is, if that mother is overstepping where she shouldn't and her child doesn't check her, it usually leads to problems in the marriage,” Yarusso says in the video.

Toxic family members can put a significant strain on relationships. When spouses can't balance their home life with their outside family, trouble is bound to happen.

4. Incompetent, uncaring husband

“And then last is the husband who doesn't care about the wedding," Yarusso says in the video. "And I don't mean like, ‘Oh, honey, it's your big day, you pick whatever flowers you want.’ I mean, his one job was to pick the DJ, and we're a week before the wedding, and he hasn't gotten that done. That husband is completely checked out.”

When one partner doesn’t carry their own weight, that puts an undue burden on the other, which can lead to powerful resentment, and eventually, divorce.


wedding, just married, newlyweds, wedding photo, couple kissing A couple with a "Just Married" sign. via Canva/Photos

Sometimes, minor disagreements that people have before they’ve taken the plunge can magnify greatly shortly thereafter, either due to a change in the nature of the relationship or the revealing power of time. So, it’s best for couples looking to get married to take Yarusso’s words seriously. She may not be a therapist, but she’s seen how couples work together first-hand, and nothing puts a stress test on a marriage quite like a wedding.

If you’re experiencing problems on the road to saying, “I do,” chances are they may get worse after the cake is in the freezer and the dress is put in storage.

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