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Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh eases a child's grief with just eight words

"Birth and death are only a game of hide-and-seek."

Image via Wikicommons

Thích Nhất Hạnh was the forty-second heir of the Linji school of Zen Buddhism in Vietnam

There are times when it seems no words can soothe the sadness following the death of a loved one. Whether you're a child just discovering grief or a fully grown adult with years of trials and tribulations behind you, grief can sneak up and feel insurmountable.

Buddhist monk Thích Nhất Hạnh was a spiritual leader and Zen philosopher, whom many referred to as "the father of mindfulness." Coining the idea of "Engaged Buddhism," his aim was to turn the concept of reflection into action.

From Harvard.edu: "Some observers may associate Buddhism, and especially Buddhist meditation, with turning inward away from the world. However, many argue that the Buddhist tradition, with its emphasis on seeing clearly into the nature of suffering and, thus, cultivating compassion, has a strong impetus for active involvement in the world’s struggles. This activist stream of Buddhism came to be called 'Engaged Buddhism'—Buddhism energetically engaged with social concerns."

 Buddha, Buddha statue, Plum Village, Engaged Buddhism, Th\u00edch Nh\u1ea5t H\u1ea1nh A brown buddha statue sits near a green mountain.  Photo by abhijeet gourav on Unsplash  

Hạnh spent the entirety of his life meditating on and writing about nonviolent conflict resolution, love, death, compassion, and mindfulness—and then urging people around the world to take action to make impactful change. He connected people of all faiths through his writing, teaching engagements, and the founding of the Plum Village Monastery in the Dordogne, southern France near the city of Bordeaux. In all he did, Hạnh worked with the intent to encourage people to seek both inner and outer peace.

Proving he was also a powerful poet, in an Instagram reel making the rounds, Hạnh was once asked by a child how she can "stop being sad." In the video she says, "I had a doggy. And this doggy died and I was very sad." She turns to him, "So I don't know how to be not so sad." Gently, he responds, "Suppose you look up into the sky and you see a beautiful cloud. And you like the cloud so much."

The child looks at him intently, her eyes welling up with tears. He continues, "And suddenly the cloud is no longer there. And you think that the cloud has passed away. Where is my beloved cloud now? So if you have time to reflect, to look, you see that the cloud has not died. It has not passed away. The cloud has become the rain. And when you look at the rain, you see your cloud."

Her eyes remain bright with curiosity, as he says, "And when you drink your tea, mindfully, you can see the rain in your tea and you can see your cloud in your tea. And you can say, 'Hello, my cloud. I know you have not died. You are still alive in a new form.' So the doggy is the same. And if you look very deeply, you can see doggy in its new form."

The girl starts laughing and crying in what seems to be a very pure moment of understanding. "You are still alive in a new form" seemed to help transform her thoughts on change and death in just minutes.

Aubert Bastiat (@aubertbastiat) posted the Instagram clip, which is a snippet from the documentary Walk with Me about Thích Nhất Hạnh's teachings. Bastiat comments, in his own words, "Love doesn’t vanish, it simply transforms." This concept is backed up in much of Hanh's work, including his book, No Death, No Fear: Comforting Wisdom for Life, in which he wrote, "Birth and death are only a door through which we go in and out. Birth and death are only a game of hide-and-seek. So smile to me and take my hand and wave good-bye. Tomorrow we shall meet again or even before."

  Thích Nhất Hạnh, Buddhism, death, Buddhist monk  www.youtube.com, Plum Village  

And just under the first comment on the reel, the director of the documentary, Marc J. Francis, writes, "I shot this for my film Walk With Me…. Love seeing this scene being shared."

Something about the deep need to make sense of death spawned many vulnerable comments. People shared their heartfelt stories—from those who have lost someone recently to those who are sick and facing their own mortality.

And of Thích Nhất Hạnh himself, a commenter simply writes, "One of my life’s best teachers."

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Joy

A Black woman and white man share a refreshing exchange and it offers healing for us all

She expected the worst when a white man approached her overheated vehicle. But what she received instead brought her to tears.

@realbillygotti/Instagram

We need more moments like these.

Of course, racism and hatred are very real issues, and ones that we must discuss in order to make progress. But with all the coverage of people behaving badly flooding our awareness through the media and online, it can be easy to write off humanity entirely. To believe that the world is inherently a divisive, dangerous, and ultimately declining place to live. When in reality, not everything is so bleak.

That’s what makes sharing this story so important.

In December of 2023, a Black woman named Jo'lee Shine was stuck in her overheated car in front of a stranger's house, waiting for a tow truck to arrive.

racism, karens, wholesome moments, southern hospitality, kindness, atlantaJo’lee preparing for the worst. @realbillygotti/Instagram

When a white man, the homeowner, began approaching her, Jo'lee immediately started recording the interaction. And thank goodness she did, because this was a moment worth immortalizing.

“I'm so sorry, my car ran hot,” she says in the clip, and begins trying to start the car to prove her situation.

And then, in the sweetest southern accent you ever heard, we hear “don’t try to crank it baby.”

When then hear him offer to put water in the car, made sure Jo'lee had coming to pick her up, and then…wait for it…asked if she wanted lunch.

"We’ll be eating lunch shortly. While we wait on [the tow truck] if we get everything set up I’ll come get you and we’ll have dinner,” he says.

This brings Jo’lee to instant tears. “That was so sweet,” she whimpers.

racism, karens, wholesome moments, southern hospitality, kindness, atlantaJo’lee in tears after being invited to share a meal. @realbillygotti/Instagram

With a chuckle, the man replies, “that’s the way we are.” he then shared how he just had 22 people over at his house the night before for “a family gathering.”

Jo’lee declines the lunch offer, but profusely thanks the kind stranger as she wipes the tears that continue to fall. Just before he goes, the man says that he’ll check back in, joking that the tow truck “might be delayed” and she might change her mind.

In her caption, Jo’lee wrote, “I wasn’t going to post this, but I wanted people to know that they’re still good people in this world.”

Seems like that mission was accomplished. The video, which has gotten over 176,000 likes on Instagram, gave everyone a little dose of hope. Just take a look at some of these lovely comments:

“This is who we are...it sucks that movies have put fear in people to that level. That makes me sad that there's fear and division keeping us all from sharing love that I KNOW is in all of us.”

“The media works to divide us, don't believe their lies. We love all people.. God Bless.”

"I'll come get you when we get dinner on the table?!!" ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹🔥🔥🔥🔥🙌🙌”

“The way he called you baby without a mean tone in his soul.”

“This renews my faith in humanity. He tried to help her without any thought of race.”

“Just when we think humanity has died, this happens ♥️. Human kindness for the win.”

Indeed, the world has its’ Karens…and even worse characters. But it also has people who invite strangers to dinner, just because it’s a nice thing to do…because it’s the “way they are.” It’s the way a lot of us are, when we let ourselves be.

This article originally appeared two years ago

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Joy

Man gets stranger's baby to sleep on him during a flight in beautiful moment caught on video

People traveling with babies may not realize how much older parents actually want to help.

@allieseabock/Instagram

A kind stranger can make all the difference, especially when traveling with little ones.

Few things are more stressful for a parent of young children and babies than traveling on a plane with them, especially if you're alone. Keeping toddlers busy and happy for hours while stuck in an airplane seat is no easy task, nor is keeping a baby quiet and content when their ears are feeling the cabin pressure changes and they're out of their normal routine.

Throw in being pregnant on top of traveling with a baby and toddler alone and you have mom Allie Seabock's recent challenge. However, thanks to the kindness of strangers, what could have been a nightmare flight turned into a perfect example of good people being everywhere.

In a video captioned, "travel alone with kids and you will find who the truly amazing people are," Seabock showed her baby face down on a man's chest in a seat across the aisle. As he gently pats the baby's back, the wee one starts to close its eyes, drifting off into peaceful sleep.

"When you're a pregnant, tired mom traveling alone with a baby and toddler and a kind couple offers to take your fussy baby for the rest of the flight and manage to get him to sleep," the video reads.

There's so much to love about this video.

First of all, the couple noticed the mom having some struggles and offered to help. Many strangers might think about offering in a situation like this but don't because they worry about appearing creepy or overstepping bounds. But it never hurts to simply offer a helping hand. Even if someone doesn't accept, they will probably appreciate the thoughtfulness.

Secondly, Seabock did take them up on their offer. Some parents might feel hesitant in this situation, either concerned about safety or about being a burden. Everyone is strapped into seats on an airplane and the couple is in plain sight, so the safety concern is pretty low. It's not like someone can run off with the child at 30,000 feet. And as for being a burden, a lot of young parents might not realize this, but many older parents—perhaps most—eagerly want to hold babies. They're not just being polite; you're actually doing them a kindness in letting them take the baby for a bit so they can reminisce about holding their own children who are too grown to cradle anymore. It's truly a win-win, so if you feel like safety is taken care of and someone offers to hold your baby, take them up on the offer.

Third, what a great example to all of the people who witnessed this exchange, both on that flight and now on the internet. We all need reminders that humans can be kind and helpful, and simple interactions like this make a big difference in how we view the world. So often we see viral videos of bad behavior on airplanes, but in reality there are wonderful acts of kindness and compassion happening every day that we don't get to see.

People in the comments shared their own experiences with strangers holding babies and the relief it offers:

"I once held a stranger’s fussy toddler the entire train ride to Paris from London. It takes a village. ❤️"

"Love this video. People are amazing. When I moved overseas with a 3.5 months old who had colics and we were traveling for 24 hours (and before I get a mean comment, military orders, they would not let us stay in between flights in a hotel) I had the sweetest flight attendant help me when I was stressed out. Will never forget her encouraging words and her just sitting with me talking to me and holding my baby when I was very overwhelmed and tired."

"I was travelling cross country by plane with my 2 year old on a red eye flight. A young woman from India was sitting next to us. She offered to let my son put his feet in her lap so he could stretch out. Heaven sent."

"I was traveling alone with my baby once and the passenger next to me was so so sweet and made my baby laugh and be happy and I’ll never forget the kindness and relief it gave me. ❤️"

"We have a corporate plane for our work (not a private jet but like a 50 seater plane for business travel) and one coworker just had triplets! The whole plane was fighting over who got to help with baby duty. 😂"

And many people reiterated the fact that people really do want to help. Like please, by all means, let us hold your baby for you.

"My babies aren’t babies anymore. I’ll play airplane auntie to your baby any time! I miss baby snuggles."

"Oh I would cherish holding a baby - my girls are 11 and 7!"

"Y'know, just ONCE I wish that parents on the plane would hand over their babies to me. I have credentials and I'm a grandma-in-training!"

"This absolutely warms my heart❤️… it would be me offering too. Love babies and giving parents a needed break."

It can be hard to put your trust in a stranger, but there are few places safer to do that than on an airplane and few places where the need is greater. And if more of us offered and accepted such help, flights with babies might just be more pleasant and peaceful for all of us.

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Identity

Person who uses a wheelchair shares tips for being less weird around them

"It's wild to me how often people will just roll me out of their way. Please don't do this."

Image by Canva, Screenshot via @AdamHubrig/Twitter

A wheelchair user offered some helpful tips for how to interact with them in daily life.

One of the best things about social media—besides the hilarious cat videos—is how it gives us all an opportunity to learn from one another. The ability to share an experience or a piece of wisdom or advice and have it be carried far and wide can be incredibly useful, especially when it comes from someone whose voice may not be heard as often as it should.

A perfect example is a 2022 thread by Ada Hubrig (@AdamHubrig) on Twitter explaining how and how not to interact with a person in a wheelchair. Hubrig says using a wheelchair has been "life-changing in the best way" for them, but the way they are treated when they are using a wheelchair can be annoying, frustrating, hurtful or just downright weird.

Some people don't have regular interactions with people who use wheelchairs and may have questions about what's appropriate and what's not. Some people might make assumptions about people using wheelchairs or be completely oblivious to how their prejudices are impacting their behavior. Hubrig's thread not only clarified some common issues wheelchair users deal with, but also opened up the conversation for people to ask some of the less obvious questions.

Hubrig opened their thread by explaining that they actually love their wheelchair, as they can't stand or walk for more than 10 minutes without it. However, they loathe how people treat them when they're using it.

Then they shared some tips on how to do better:

"First, remember that wheelchair users are people," they wrote. "We are more similar to you than different, we're just sitting down while you're standing up. You're likely around other people who are sitting as you stand all the time. Don't make it weird."

"Second, remembering that we're people, respect our autonomy," they continued. "If we're speaking and you have a question for me, don't ask my partner who is standing. As an example, medical professionals will often ask my partner my symptoms when I am RIGHT THERE. Please notice us."

The third piece of advice was to never touch a person's wheelchair or other mobility or medical advice unless you have been given permission. Hubrig said that people will often just roll them out of the way.

Yeah, don't do that. You wouldn't pick up a standing person and move them out of the way (hopefully). Same concept.

Hubrig went on to explain that no one is entitled to anyone else's medical history or trauma. "I get that you may mean well, but asking 'what happened' can be more difficult for some people than you realize," they wrote. "It's a lot of emotional labor to answer."

On a related note, don't ask about people's genitals. Ever. Seriously.

A tip for parents: "Please don't let your kids crawl on me or my wheelchair. My wheelchair isn't a toy."

"I like kids mostly, I do," Hubrig wrote. "But even if we weren't in a pandemic, I don't want any stranger up in my personal space like that. Once a kid ripped my ostomy bag off me. No plz."

Also, don't make judgments about a person's need for the wheelchair. "Some wheelchair users, like myself, don't use the wheelchair full time," Hubrig wrote. "I can walk/stand about ten minutes at a time, and use a cane for short distances. If you see a wc user standing/using a cane/whatever, don't assume we're faking. We don't use a wc for fun."

Not being believed can be a major barrier to people with disabilities utilizing the tools they need to live as fully and functionally as possible. "I have talked to many people whose life would be better with a mobility device but they don't use one. Because of how we treat people who use mobility devices."

That is a tragedy.

Finally, Hubrig summed up the basics:

"1.) Wheelchair users/disabled people ARE people. Act as such.

2.) Mind your business."

Seems simple enough, but as we all know, humans have a remarkable ability to not follow simple instructions.

One of the common questions well-meaning people had was whether or not they should offer to help a person in a wheelchair if it appears they are struggling. On the one hand, you don't want to assume someone needs help just because they're in a wheelchair, but on the other, you don't want to leave them struggling if they do need help.

The consensus was that asking if someone needs help is almost always appropriate. Just don't assume they need help and jump in without asking (barring any obvious emergencies, of course).

Another question some had was whether it's appropriate to lean over or kneel down to talk to someone in a wheelchair. On the one hand, it might feel more respectful to put yourself on the same eye level as the person in the chair. On the other hand, you don't want to make them feel like you're infantilizing them. (This question was asked by a person who is hard of hearing, which adds another layer to the question as that's an accommodation that needs to be considered as well. But it was also asked by someone who simply wanted to know which wheelchair users preferred.)

Responses from wheelchair users varied a bit, but most agreed that standing was fine for brief exchanges, but pulling up a chair to talk to them at a similar height was appreciated for long conversations. It can be straining on the neck to look up at someone for long periods.

So much boils down to basic empathy and the Golden Rule. If you were using a wheelchair, what would feel rude or disrespectful or annoying? How would you want people to talk to or interact with you? The truth is any one of us may find ourselves with a disability that necessitates a mobility or medical device at some point in our lives, so the more we normalize accommodations and, you know, basic courtesy and compassion, the better off we'll all be.


This article originally appeared on 2.24.22

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