A mom of a kid with a disability explains a restroom problem you've maybe never heard of.
Accessibility does not always equal accommodation.
There’s a bathroom secret I think you don’t know about.
And no, this one has nothing to do with transgender people or sex or gender. In fact, it couldn’t be less sexy, which is probably why you haven’t heard about it.
Imagine you’re out and about, maybe at a restaurant with your family or a museum with your kids or a movie with your sweetie. But then you need to use the restroom. Now here’s the tricky part: You’re in a wheelchair.
OK, no biggie. The door is mechanized; the stall is large enough; there’s even room to pivot your chair to the sink. Except ... what if you’re one of the wheelchair users who needs to lay down to take care of business? The fact that a wheelchair user can fit into a bathroom stall doesn’t mean a damn thing if that person can’t maneuver themselves onto the toilet.
Accessibility does not always equal accommodation.
There are about 3.3 million wheelchair users in the U.S.
A third of those folks need help with activities of daily living, one of the most crucial being diapering care.Many wheelchair users also need a changing table and, usually, a caregiver or attendant to get the job done. But, generally, public restroom changing tables only accommodate babies.
You might get lucky with a family restroom — those single-room offerings where, say, a dad can take his toddler daughter. Maybe there’ll be a counter long and wide enough. Of course, that doesn’t solve the problem of getting on that counter. Parents with disabled children often contrive some method that involves going back out to the car or van. That’s what I did until my son got too big, and the awkward transfer from wheelchair to makeshift changing area endangered my back. And that doesn’t even touch on privacy issues or dignity or cleanliness.
Me and my son in a restroom with an actual adult-sized changing table. All photos provided by Carla Christensen.
As a last, very last, very loathed resort, I may have to use that handicap access stall in the public restroom. And that means laying my son on the floor and praying I remembered to tuck some extra mats or pads into his wheelchair backpack as well as a vat of antiseptic gel.
Next time you’re in a public restroom, imagine lying on the floor.
Even if it’s just been cleaned. Aside from the questionable hygiene, how undignified would that be? And not even private — most bathroom stalls are open at the bottom.
While you’re at it, picture me trying to transfer my son from his wheelchair to the floor, bending and contorting to get the job done, and then getting him back up into his chair. I’m getting sweaty just writing about it.
I know what you’re thinking: If this is such a problem, how come I’ve never seen anything like it?
Well, I could say something about the American public’s general squeamishness about necessary functions in the necessary room, but I’ll save that for another article. More to the point, the reason you don’t see us is that we don’t go out. A mom from Wisconsin once wrote to a festival organizer about her family’s difficulties, and she gave me permission to share it:
"Unfortunately, what we are now forced into more often due to my son's age is to go home before the end of the movie, the soccer game, the concert. And he is missing out on what his peers take for granted ... . Families like ours ... don't go out!"
The Wisconsin mom and her family.
My husband and I used divide-and-conquer strategies so our daughters got out to the movies, and a generous aunt took them to Disneyland while I stayed home with my son. But take the family out to dinner? No way. Trip to the beach? Forget about it. There are nature trails with handicap access paths and special spaces for wheelchairs at theaters, but that doesn’t matter if you can’t attend to essential bodily functions.
I don’t care what your gender is or what your body is like or if you have a disability: You should be able to use the bathroom wherever you go.
It’s a basic human right.
If you need to accompany your young child or your elderly parent to the restroom. If you’d like a private place to breastfeed. And especially if you have no other choice for dealing with diapering. You deserve to be able to go to the restroom in peace.
That’s why single-stall bathrooms should be available in every store and every restaurant and every office in America. Single-stall bathrooms are a great way to ensure that everyone who needs to use the restroom can. But special-needs users also need special accommodation: an adult-sized changing table.
This bathroom is inclusive... except for folks with disabilities.
Now, every time I use a public restroom, whether I’m with my son or not, I scope out the facilities. I’m a mom on a mission.
You’d be amazed how often the single-stall restroom, where it exists, doesn’t have a changing table for anyone larger than a toddler. Or how often the space for the baby changing table is large enough for a bigger table. I’m taking names.
And if you want to help out? There’s a grassroots organization called Changing Spaces, dedicated to literally changing the spaces where wheelchair users can be changed. Find them on Facebook. Start noticing the public restroom facilities and send emails to store and building managers.
Help me be the voice for change.
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."