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Formula feeding your baby isn’t selfish. Here’s why.

I knew when I became pregnant that “natural” everything was the right way to go.

As someone who lives the type of life in Brooklyn where we have a backyard garden and my dad pokes fun at me for how much kale I eat, I had this idea that “natural” was inherently better, especially when it came to kids.

After all, we all know that formula feeding is poison, right up there with taking your kids to McDonalds for three meals a day, right?

Then a friend surprised me with her report that she'd gotten an epidural during her recent birth, and highly recommended it. Everything I thought I knew said that epidurals were bad, but I couldn’t remember why anymore. What a revelation, that childbirth didn’t have to be extraordinarily painful!

I gave it some more thought and eventually added epidural to my plan.

Around this time, I was also collecting stories from friends about the physical and emotional challenges of breastfeeding.

Nearly all of them had some struggle in feeding their babies and experienced varying levels of guilt and shame at not being able to do something that was supposed to be easy. I was nauseous and uncomfortable for nearly all of my 41 weeks of pregnancy, so the thought of tacking on an additional year-long physical challenge filled me with dread.

One of the first parenting books I read was “Why Have Kids?”by Jessica Valenti, which pokes holes in many theories on the “right” way to do things — one of which is breastfeeding.

Valenti presented the idea that the benefits of breastfeeding and detriments of formula are overblown. Additionally, our society’s current emphasis on breastfeeding is slim on factual evidence and influenced by a broader cultural pattern of placing pressure and guilt on new moms.

This blew my mind. I had never even questioned the possibility of not having to do it.

After I finished reading, I cried with relief and wanted to read stories of those who had chosen to formula feed without guilt.

I began scouring the internet for every article that said formula feeding isn't child abuse.

I found maybe six relevant articles. On the entire internet.

The long and the short of what I learned is that the widespread belief that “breast is best” is fueled by about 30 years of influence from breastfeeding advocates who have effectively silenced everyone else.

Others have written about the extensive history and social trends that have gotten us here.

I instead offer a more personal perspective on why my husband and I decided that exclusive formula feeding was best for our family.

Equal Partnership: We wanted to be 50/50 partners in raising our child, and that started with sharing every feeding from day one. I would not be the “primary parent.”

We would do this as a team.

Pumping: I didn’t want to spend my time and energy planning to pump, then pumping, then worrying that I wasn’t producing enough. When imagining myself back to work, I didn't want to schedule meetings all day around pumping alone in a dingy room.

Expense: I heard often that people can’t justify the expense of formula when breastfeeding is “free,” but breastfeeding is only cheaper if you believe that your time has no value.

$50 a week to get more sleep, improve my mental health, and save 14+ hours felt like a bargain.

Mental health: As someone who had such a miserable time being pregnant, the added lack of sleep and bodily challenges of breastfeeding seemed like they would increase the likelihood that I’d experience postpartum depression. I also believe that what’s best for a child includes parents’ mental health.

The idea of not breastfeeding made me much happier, and that's ultimately best for our family. This is not being selfish.

Feminist rage: I believe that the current recommendations in the U.S. to breastfeed for a year while not providing paid maternity leave are a subtle trap created to tie women and other people who breastfeed to the home, and as a feminist, I did not want to support that.

Formula is good enough: Formula is truly almost as good for babies as breast milk.

I didn't want to be focused on only giving my child the very best of absolutely everything at the expense of all other considerations, particularly myself and my relationship with my husband. There are many instances where good enough is good enough, and this was one of them.

The only conclusive studies I encountered showed that we would basically be putting him at risk for one extra stomach bug in the first year.

Now that we have a 4-month-old baby angel, I’m happy to report that we still stand by these original ideas.

It has really worked out. Our baby ate well from day one, easily gained weight at a healthy level, and is always well hydrated. He sleeps for longer stretches so we are all better rested. He has a sweet bond with his dad who feeds him often, and can also spend full days and nights with doting grandparents to give us some much-needed rest.

On my end, the roller coaster of hormones with extensive sob breaks in the first few weeks that friends prepared me for did not happen for me, and I feel like opting out of breastfeeding may be part of the reason why.

Now that I’m back to work, I don’t have to take breaks to pump, worry about pumping in the middle of the night while he’s asleep, or struggle with him not taking bottles if someone other than me is caring for him.

It’s great.

On baby medical forms, a very common checkbox is “breastfed” or “formula fed.” I like this visual reminder that it is a choice.

It doesn’t say “loves child” vs. “poisons child and ruins their opportunities for health, happiness, and success in life.”

As I’ve shared my thinking with others, I’ve heard time and time again that my new parent peers, like me, never even considered formula over breastfeeding, because we all just understood breastfeeding to be the only acceptable option. Let’s change this.

Every other account of formula feeding that I have read was from people who came to formula feeding reluctantly after not being able to breastfeed as much as they had planned. I believe that there are others out there like me who thoughtfully chose this path, but choose to keep their choice private to avoid the potentially fierce criticism from others.

That's why I'm speaking up. I’m willing to take the heat if it can help others let go of any guilt.

Formula feeding is one more option to consider as you navigate this new life of parenthood, and I’m happy to report that it’s possible to make this choice while also choosing not to feel guilty about it.

This story originally appeared on Medium and is excerpted here with permission.

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Sustainability

Scientists tested 3 popular bottled water brands for nanoplastics using new tech, and yikes

The results were alarming—an average of 240,000 nanoplastics per 1 liter bottle—but what does it mean for our health?

Suzy Hazelwood/Canva

Columbia University researchers tested bottled water for nanoplastics and found hundreds of thousands of them.

Evian, Fiji, Voss, SmartWater, Aquafina, Dasani—it's impressive how many brands we have for something humans have been consuming for millennia. Despite years of studies showing that bottled water is no safer to drink than tap water, Americans are more consuming more bottled water than ever, to the tune of billions of dollars in bottled water sales.

People cite convenience and taste in addition to perceived safety for reasons they prefer bottle to tap, but the fear factor surrounding tap water is still a driving force. It doesn't help when emergencies like floods cause tap water contamination or when investigations reveal issues with lead pipes in some communities, but municipal water supplies are tested regularly, and in the vast majority of the U.S., you can safely grab a glass of water from a tap.

And now, a new study on nanoplastics found in three popular bottled water brands is throwing more data into the bottled vs. tap water choice

Researchers from Columbia University used a new laser-guided technology to detect nanoplastics that had previously evaded detection due to their miniscule size.

The new technology can detect, count and analyze and chemical structure of nanoparticles, and they found seven different major types of plastic: polyamide, polypropylene, polyethylene, polymethyl methacrylate, polyvinyl chloride, polystyrene, and polyethylene terephthalate.

In contrast to a 2018 study that found around 300 plastic particles in an average liter of bottled water, the study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences in January of 2024 found 240,000 nanoplastic particles per liter bottle on average between the three brands studied. (The name of the brands were not indicated in the study.)

As opposed to microplastics, nanoplastics are too small to be seen by microscope. Their size is exactly why experts are concerned about them, as they are small enough to invade human cells and potentially disrupt cellular processes.

“Micro and nanoplastics have been found in the human placenta at this point. They’ve been found in human lung tissues. They’ve been found in human feces; they’ve been found in human blood,” study coauthor Phoebe Stapleton, associate professor of pharmacology and toxicology at Rutgers University’s Ernest Mario School of Pharmacy told CNN Health,

We know that nanoplastics are making their way into our bodies. We just don't have enough research yet on what that means for our health, and we still have more questions than answers. How many nanoplastics does it take to do damage and/or cause disease? What kinds of damage or disease might they cause? Is whatever effect they might have cumulative? We simply don't have answers to these questions yet.

That's not to say there's no cause for concern.

We do know that certain levels of microplastic exposure have been shown to adversely affect the viability of cells. Nanoplastics are even smaller—does that mean they are more likely to cause cellular damage? Science is still working that out.

According to Dr. Sara Benedé of the Spanish National Research Council’s Institute of Food Science Research, it's not just the plastics themselves that might cause damage, but what they may bring along with them. “[Microparticles and nanoparticles] have the ability to bind all kinds of compounds when they come into contact with fluids, thus acting as carriers of all kinds of substances including environmental pollutants, toxins, antibiotics, or microorganisms,” Dr. Benedé told Medical News Today.

water plastic bottle on seashorePhoto by Brian Yurasits on Unsplash

Where is this plastic in water coming from?

This study focused on bottled water, which is almost always packaged in plastic. The filters used to filter the water before bottling are also frequently made from plastic.

Is it possible that some of these nanoplastics were already present in the water from their original sources? Again, research is always evolving on this front, but microplastics have been detected in lakes, streams and other freshwater sources, so it's not a big stretch to imagine that nanoplastics may be making their way into freshwater ecosystems as well. However, microplastics are found at much higher levels in bottled water than tap water, so it's also not a stretch to assume that most of the nanoplastics are likely coming from the bottling process and packaging rather than from freshwater sources.

assorted bottled waters on shelfPhoto by Giuseppe Famiani on Unsplash

The reality is, though, we simply don't know yet.

“Based on other studies we expected most of the microplastics in bottled water would come from leakage of the plastic bottle itself, which is typically made of PET (polyethylene terephthalate) plastic,” lead author Naixin Qian, a doctoral student in chemistry at Columbia University, told CNN Health. “However, we found there’s actually many diverse types of plastics in a bottle of water, and that different plastic types have different size distributions. The PET particles were larger, while others were down to 200 nanometers, which is much, much smaller.”

We need to drink water, and we need to drink safe water. At this point, we have plenty of environmental reasons for avoiding bottled water unless absolutely necessary and opting for tap water instead. Even if there's still more research to be done, the presence of hundreds of thousands of nanoplastics in bottled water might just be another reason to make the switch.


This article originally appeared on 2.2.24

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water
Identity

Rural Texas dad shares what he told his son when they saw a trans woman for the first time

His simple message is an example for all parents.

@oddragon226/TikTok

James Barlow shares his story on TikTok.

A dad is sharing his first encounter with a transgender woman in his small Texas town, and the simple lesson he taught his son is inspiring hope in others.

James Eric Barlow (oddragon226 on TikTok) shared a video from his car describing how he and his son saw a trans woman in real life for the first time. "We all know that there's people that are disgusted whenever they see a trans person," Barlow begins. "And we all know of the people who don't care if they see a trans person.

"But apparently, we're a third type of person (or at least I am, I can't speak for him)," he says, indicating his son in the backseat who chimes in with "I am, too!"

Barlow then goes on to explain how they had just had their first experience with a trans woman. It wasn't anything major—she just walked through a door behind them and Barlow held the door for her, just as he would any other person. He didn't even notice she was trans at first, but once he did, his immediate reaction was one we can all learn from.

"When I tell you how happy it made me," he says, beginning to tear up, "to be able to see somebody be out and open to the world here in small town Texas. You just gotta know how much bravery that takes. Right, Mikey?"

"Hell yeah!" the son agrees.

Barlow wanted to say something to her, but he didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable, either.

"But if you're a trans woman and you came here to the Landmark truck stop in Clyde, Texas, just know we're proud of you," he concludes.

@oddragon226

our first trans woman experience #trans #transwoman #transpeoplearepeople #transrights #translivesnatter

Barlow's video was shared on Reddit, where it's received 37,000 upvotes and a slew of comments that prove parents set the tone for their kids' sense of acceptance.

"Indoctrinate your children with kindness, compassion, consideration and respect for others." - Toddthmpsn

"When I was younger I would get my hair cut by a woman named Liz. She spoke Spanish so it was hard for to understand her English sometimes. My dad spoke Spanish so would translate for her and me. I noticed Liz looked a little different then other women. But I never said anything, I never felt any differently about her. She never scared me, or made me question anything. She was just Liz. As I got older I realized she was a trans woman. And it literally changed nothing. She was still just Liz. Liz was always kind and treated everyone warmly. I havnt seen her in years but I hope she is doing well. I really liked her." - PerplexedPoppy

"This literally happened to me as a child in the 80s. A cashier at a store we visited suddenly started dressing in a feminine style and it appeared that they were transitioning. My mom explained to me in an age appropriate way that sometimes people decide they want to be a man instead of a woman, or a woman instead of a man. She told me that people would probably be mean to the cashier and it was important for us to remember that and always be polite to her, as we would anyway. This was way before trans issues were as mainstream as they are now, but my mom had seen an episode of Phil Donahue where transwoman discussed their stories, and she recognized it as a medical issue. Core memory for me." - ZipCity262

"As a trans woman, im deathly afraid whenever I have to go to rural areas. I can instantly feel physical tension when I walk into a gas station or a restaurant in these areas. Thank you for being supportive. Trans people need you now more than ever." – rainbow_lenses

It really is a simple matter to accept people as they are and treat all humans with dignity, kindness and respect, even if we don't fully understand them. And as this dad and son show, it's a simple matter to demonstrate non-judgmental acceptance in front of our kids so they hopefully will grow up without being bound by chains of bigotry they'll later have to learn to unload.


This article originally appeared on 7.7.23

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humanity
Culture

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard open up about being attracted to other people - and why that's OK

For many couples, bringing up such a sensitive topic can cause some major jealousy.

via The Walt Disney Company / Flickr

One of the ways to tell if you're in a healthy relationship is whether you and your partner are free to talk about other people you find attractive. For many couples, bringing up such a sensitive topic can cause some major jealousy.

Of course, there's a healthy way to approach such a potentially dangerous topic.

Telling your partner you find someone else attractive shouldn't be about making them feel jealous. It's probably also best that if you're attracted to a coworker, friend, or their sibling, that you keep it to yourself.

But, being open about your sexual feelings, can be a way to spice things up in the bedroom and to let your partner know what you like.

Actress and mental health advocate Kristen Bell admits that she and her husband, actor Dax Shepard, have learned how to be open about their attraction to other people. The couple believes that being able to talk about such taboo topics without making each other jealous is a great way to preserve their relationship.

"He can tell me someone he finds attractive, female or male, 'cause he pauses the Olympics on a lot of runners, but it doesn't make me feel like he's going to leave me for that person because I'm not allowing my self-esteem to be affected," she explained.

Bell believes that it's completely normal and healthy for people in monogamous relationships to be attracted to other people.

"I know there are people on planet Earth that are more attractive than me, and well, we're not dead. I have to acknowledge we're monkeys," Bell said. As an attractive, famous couple working in Hollywood, there is extra pressure for them to be able to handle their jealousy.

The couple has also done a good job at accepting the fact that Bell is the primary bread-winner in the family. Studies show men have higher levels of stress if their wives earn more than 40% of their home's combined income.

About a third of women in the U.S. make more than their husbands.

While Shepard has had a successful career, acting in films such as "Idiocracy" and "Without a Paddle," Bell has starred in some major hits including, "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" and the "Bad Moms" films.

She's also made a pretty penny voicing Princess Anna in Disney's "Frozen" franchise.

"I think I've always out-earned him," Bell said about their careers. "I got a lot of opportunity, you're sharing in it, we're able to provide for a ton of our family members who may or may not be struggling," she continued, as if addressing Shepard. "I don't look at it like, 'This is mine and this is yours.' I'm like, 'This is ours. Get over it.'"

Bell believes that the couple's ability to get over petty jealousy is one way to make sure their unique relationship stands the test of time.

"Do you want to be on the porch with someone when you're 80?" Bell asked. "We both want that."


This article originally appeared on 5.6.21

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celebrities
Family

Mom’s reaction to toddler giving herself a haircut shows the power of 'gentle parenting'

"Seriously, this is impressive parenting."

Designerluxury4you TikTok

Mom's reaction to toddler's self haircut

An unsupervised toddler with a pair of scissors is nightmare fuel for parents.

Will you find shredded books, a hole in your new couch, or a pile of lopped off hair when you emerge from your quick trip to the potty?

Toddlers may still be very young, but they are fast and have a knack for getting ahold of unapproved things quickly, inflicting maximum destruction. TikTok user, @designerluxury4you, shared a video of their toddler proudly showing off the haircut she had given herself.

Experiencing your child giving themselves or their siblings a haircut seems to be a rite of passage for parents.

But the way this mom handled the discovery is showing how gentle parenting is changing the game. It's pretty safe to say that most parents would react in a more expressive way and immediately remove the scissors from the child's hands. This mom responded in the kindest and most respectful way you can imagine and maybe the internet is a little better for having seen it.


When the mom walks in to see her daughter holding a pair of child's scissors, she calmly asks, "What'd you do?" to which the now mullet-sporting toddler explains her actions. The little girl, Max, says, "I cutted all of it off and I put it on here." While the toddler is finishing her story we get a quick glimpse of the pile of blonde hair sitting on the nightstand. This is the point that seems to divide the commenters because the reaction isn't anger or even a stern tone. Instead, this shocked mom says, "Oh, wow. You did a really good job, Max."

The mom asked if her daughter felt better since her hair was no longer in her face, to which Max answered, "Yep." Max was given several options, including going to the hairdresser to fix it. The video cuts off before we find out the toddler's choice, but the mom's reaction was the topic of discussion in the comments.

One person wrote, "Seriously, this is impressive parenting. What a gift you are to her."

Another said, "Wow, you handled that so well lol she's so adorable."

Others were confused and more critical of the mom's calm reaction and lack of consequences. Someone wrote, "I just can't with gentle parenting. She lost me when she said no but allowed it anyway."

A different user expressed confusion, writing, "Not knocking gentle parenting but at the end of the day how does she learn this was wrong and not to do it again?"

There were multiple comments reminding people that even though the girl is a toddler, it's still her hair and she should get to decide what to do with it.

Watch the video below. Do you think this mom handled this situation well?

@designerluxury4u

Talent #gamimy #kidsoftiktok #girlpower #beautician ##parentsoftiktok

This story originally appeared on 1.4.23

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gentle parenting
Culture

High school salutatorian's Goth yearbook photo is going viral for the best reasons

Smart look.

via Jules Lipoff / Twitter

Back in April 2021, then-17-year-old Weronika Jachimowiczv got a lot of attention for subverting people's expectations of who excels in high school. And that's exactly what she wanted.

Jachimowicz was named New York's Mattituck-Cutchogue Union Free School District's 2021 salutatorian. Her yearbook photo next to valedictorian Luke Altman is going viral because of her dramatic Goth makeup and attire.

It all started when assistant professor and writer Dr. Jules Lipoff tweeted out a photo of the valedictorian and salutatorian he saw in a newspaper and it went viral. How many salutatorians have you seen that wear pentagram hoop earrings, a choker, and black devil horns?

The juxtaposition of her next to the bowtie-wearing Altman, makes the photo even more amusing.

Jachimowicz wanted the world to know that just because a high school kid looks like an outsider, doesn't mean they aren't interested in academics or sports.

In fact, it's completely normal for kids who are interested in the Goth subculture to be good students.

"The scene has quiet middle-class values — education, highbrow culture, theatre, museums, romantic literature, poetry, philosophy, Gothic architecture," Dr. Dunja Bril, who studies Goth culture in England, told The Independent.

"Many Goths like classical music. It's a status symbol to have a good collection of classical pieces — mostly requiems and darker pieces," she added.

"Going to do a university degree is encouraged," Bril continued. "It doesn't encourage people to drop out of school. Whereas in the Punk scene you turn down the normal educational values, in Goth you gain status if you're perceived as being educated. You get people who are in it for the shock value, but they are usually the ones who grow out of it."


Since her photo went viral, Jachimowicz has received countless messages of thanks from young people who say she's inspired them to express themselves.

"In all honesty, that's all I wanted. I wanted to help anyone I could who is struggling with expressing themselves because I've been in the exact same position," Jachimowicz told Yahoo. "When people message me telling me how I have given them the confidence to be who they truly are, I almost cry from happiness."

Jachimowicz says that she was able to be herself because she was encouraged by others, so this is her chance to pay it forward.

"I was always trying to please others and be like what everyone else wanted me to be, or at least try to fit into what was 'normal.' However, I did slowly start to realize that it's OK to be different," she said.

"I've met people in my life who gave me the confidence to fully be myself," she added.

In addition to having an unweighted GPA of 97.27%, Jachimowicz was on the fencing, ping pong, and winter track teams. She was also a member of the National Honor Society, Students Against Drunk Driving, and the Unity Club.

She plans to major in biology/forensics in college.

Jachimowicz's accomplishments are another reason to never judge someone for how they look or their interests. Just because someone is wearing satanic earrings doesn't mean they aren't highly intelligent or athletic.

She believes the most important thing is to be yourself, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

"Even if others don't really like my style, it's what makes me happy and I've worked hard to finally come to that conclusion," she said.


This article originally appeared on 4.12.21

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