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10 things kids get in trouble for that adults get away with all the time

Why do we expect children to have more self-control than grown-ups?

Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Kids know when we're being hypocritical.

Raising kids is tough and no parent does it perfectly. Each child is different, each has their own personalities, strengths and challenges, and each of them requires something different from their parents in order to flourish.

But there's one thing that parents have long said, with their actions if not with their words, that justifiably drives kids bonkers: "Do as I say, not as I do."

To be fair, both moral and actual law dictate that there are things that adults can do that kids can't. Children can't drive or consume alcohol, for example, so it's not hypocritical for adults to do those things while telling kids they cannot. There are other things—movies, TV shows, books, etc.—that parents have to decide whether their kids are ready for or not based on their age and developmental stage, and that's also to be expected.

But there are some gaps between what adults do and what they expect kids to do that aren't so easy to reconcile.

In fact, there's a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to the way adults behave and the way they think kids should behave that warrants some examination. Here are 10 things some people punish kids for that adults do with total impunity:

1. Being hangry

Grown-ups are so familiar with being cranky when they need food that they coined the term "hangry." And yet, if a child melts down because they're hungry, they are expected to pull themselves together and "stop that fussing."

Sure, kids have to learn to regulate their emotional expression, but being punished for needing food and not being able to control their reactions to hunger yet isn't going to teach them that regulation. They have a hard enough time learning that skill when they aren't hungry, so give kids a little grace when the hanger hits. (And always carry snacks.)

2. Not wanting to share something special

The concept of sharing is something most parents try to instill into their kids in order to move them away from self-centeredness. That's not a bad thing, for sure.

But it's worth noting that most adults have certain special belongings that they don't want other people to use, which is totally fine, so expecting kids to always share everything doesn't really make sense. Instead, teach kids that if they have something special that they don't want to share, to keep that item put away when other kids are around. They can also learn to kindly say, "Actually, that toy is extra special to me, but I'm happy to let you play with this one" while offering something else.

3. Breaking dishes, dropping drinks, or other oopsies

How many of us don't break a dish on occasion, simply due to fumbling fingers?

Accidents happen, and it's not always because we're being careless. If a kid is tossing a dish up in the air and trying to catch it behind their back or some other foolish game, that's worth a talking to about carelessness. But if a child breaks something or drops something, our first reaction shouldn't be to get angry and blame or shame them.

Grown-ups don't get in trouble when they drop something. Kids, who have a lot less experience with their hands, definitely shouldn't. Model forgiveness and compassion by helping them clean up the mess, and move on.

4. Not responding immediately

"Did you hear what I said? Are you listening?" we ask our children mere minutes after they had to repeat "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," to us before we were able to respond to them.

We can't expect our kids to immediately pull their attention away from what they are doing every time we want to say something to them, just as we can't always immediately shift our focus to them if we're putting together a recipe or typing out a thought or in the middle of a calculation.

It's reasonable to teach kids to respectfully say, "One second, please," if we want their attention when they're in the middle of something. That teaches them that their learning/play is worth concentrating on, but also that responding to their parents is important. Give them a little time to disengage, just as adults grant one another all the time if we need to talk.

5. Forgetting things

Adults sometimes forget their lunchbox at home. Adults sometimes leave their jacket someplace by accident. Forgetting things is a normal human phenomenon, not limited to children, and we all give one another grace when we forget something.

With kids, we tend to be less forbearing. If forgetting is a daily occurrence, then sure, it might need to be addressed. But making a kid go hungry because they forgot their lunch even though we could easily bring it to them because "this will teach them to remember it" is kind of silly. Would we do that to our spouse if they forgot their lunch? No. Why do it with a kid (again, unless it's a recurring habit)?

6. Refusing to eat something

We all have likes and dislikes, and one man's feast is another man's napkin food. We would never force an adult who doesn't like sweet potatoes to stay at the table until they finish their sweet potatoes. Why do that to kids?

Encouraging kids to try something they've never tasted is one thing, but making them eat something they've tried and didn't like is just ick. Kids can learn to be grateful for the food they have without being made to eat everything on their plate. Provide lots of options, encourage tasting, but don't force kids to eat anything. That's a quick way to take the enjoyment out of trying new foods and create a negative association with eating certain foods—the exact opposite of what you're wanting.

Most kids will grow out of picky eating, but there will always be certain things people don't care for. It's okay to let that be.

7. Fidgeting

Some people have a really hard time sitting still for long periods of time, adults and children alike. But kids are the ones who get in trouble for not sitting still. Look at how popular standing desks, under-the-desk treadmills and walking meetings have become for working adults—and that's even when they have comfortable, ergonomic office chairs to sit in.

Yet kids are expected to sit in uncomfortable desks most of the day without being able to get up and move around as they need to? No wonder some kids get fidgety.

8. Being in a bad mood

We all have our moments, don't we? Times when we're just feeling salty or irritable and we don't even know why? Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's hanger, maybe it's a full moon—whatever it is, we let people know we're feeling prickly and do what we need to do to either stay away from people or put ourselves right.

What certainly wouldn't help is having someone chide us for having a "bad attitude" and insist that we "shape up." Helping kids manage their mood or alter their environment when they're struggling to manage it is a much more effective life skill than punishing them for being in a bad mood.

9. Complaining

Ever seen a grown-up sit down to do their taxes without a single complaint? No, you haven't, because even if we're getting a refund the process of figuring it out is painful.

Plenty of adults complain when we have to do something we don't want to do, and it's not because we were raised that way, most of the time. It's because some things just suck and it makes us feel better in the moment to express how much they suck.

What kids complain about may seem trivial or silly to us, but it's not to them. Totally find to teach kids that complaining doesn't do any good, but not worth punishing them for it.

10. Sneaking sweets

Umm, hi. Guilty, pretty much daily.

It's technically not sneaking when you own the sweets and you're a grown-up, but it feels like it. And who can blame kids for wanting to raid the cookie jar or the chocolate chip stash? Not saying they should. Just saying I get it, kid.

What else belongs on this list?


This article originally appeared on 3.1.24

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‘Really concerning’: Researcher reveals how she instantly knows if a child is an 'iPad kid'

“There is a big difference between babies who are exposed to screens 24/7 and babies who are not."

via Jelleke Vanooteghem/Unsplash and Ratiliciousxx/TikTok

The jury is still out on screen time but the effects are obvious to this researcher.

Screen time is a big topic among parents, but unfortunately, there are no clear-cut answers on how much exposure a child should have. Being that iPads and similar devices haven’t been around that long, there haven’t been enough solid longitudinal studies on the topic for researchers to come to a screen-time consensus.

Given the uncertainty surrounding the issue, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that children 18 to 24 months old shouldn’t have any screen time (excluding video chatting) and kids who are 2 to 5 years old should have no more than an hour a day.

Liva, a researcher who works with children ages 3 months to 3 years, says that the effects of constant iPad use on a young child are apparent. She says that iPad kids have parents who allow unlimited use and believe an “iPad can raise a child.” As compared to parents who allow their kids to have an hour or less of screen time a day.

“Let me tell you, every single time an iPad kid comes in, us, the researchers, we know. It doesn’t take very long to tell,” she explains in a video with over 1 million views. “There is a big difference between babies who are exposed to screens 24/7 and babies who are not, and you can tell within the first 10 minutes of meeting a baby.”

If i ever have kids theyre getting minimal screen time, like im talking almost 0. I feel so bad for teachers too. #ipadbabies #childdevelopment

@ratiliciousxx

If i ever have kids theyre getting minimal screen time, like im talking almost 0. I feel so bad for teachers too. #ipadbabies #childdevelopment


“At one point, we give the parent an iPad, and if the baby cannot have that iPad, all hell breaks loose,” she continued. “It is, like, the end of the world. Like, I’ve seen babies who are 8 to 10 months old, who have zero interest in actual baby toys but freak out when they see the iPad. And it’s really concerning.”

In a follow-up video, Liv further explained the difference between healthy and unhealthy iPad use in young children.

@ratiliciousxx

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Here are 5 things a child therapist says he doesn't do while playing with his kids

Parents often do one of these things to try to make play educational, and it may surprise you.

Good Morning America|YouTube

Five things a child therapist doesn't do while playing with his kids

Being a parent is both oddly unique and similar for all who embark on that life journey. You're in a state of constant worry that you're messing up in one way or another, while simultaneously knowing that you're doing your best to raise good humans. Not everyone can be an expert in child development, and that doesn't mean they're doing anything wrong.

But when you've got the inside scoop from someone who does have a deep understanding of child development, you pay attention. A child therapist has shared a list of things that he never does while playing with his children. Even if you have this insider knowledge, a refresher like this one can be helpful.

Joshua Terhune is a child therapist and father of two who keeps his list of "don'ts" in mind when engaging in child-led play with his children. Here are five things he says he avoids while playing:

1. Asking questions while playing with his kids

Terhune explains that asking questions brings children out of the moment and forces them to perform instead of play organically.

2. Commanding or demanding a behavior change

The therapist explains that commanding or demanding a change in behaviors can raise the tension between child and parent. Instead, he attempts to ignore or redirect unwanted behaviors from his children.

3. Criticizing or judging their play

This involves not commenting on how much he likes a drawing or what they've built and focusing instead on the process they've used. Terhune says praising something as good means that you also have the power to say something is bad, which could deter the child from doing things for their own enjoyment instead focusing on what will make the parent happy.

4. Using sarcasm or mockery

He explains how using sarcasm or teasing can hurt children's feelings and "stifle their spirit." Terhune explains, "they have very, very, very little time when they feel in control," so play is where they're in charge and can feel a sense of control over their lives.

5. Allowing distractions to enter play

Terhune says he uses child-led playtime for mutual enjoyment of time together without the distractions of screens. The father of two says that having a screen present can break the immersion in play, so he avoids it as much as possible.

You can get even more detail from his interview below with Good Morning America:

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Letting kids have playtime is the most productive thing parents can do. Here's why.

Could regular playtime be setting kids up for a better life?

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It's so much more than fun.

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Nike's Made to Play

If you've ever watched kids on a playground running around and laughing, you might think they’re just having a great time.

It's hard to imagine that something so fun could help them succeed at the more serious life stuff. But that is, in fact, exactly what playtime is doing.

Research has actually proven time and time again that regular play is integral to kids' success in school, social situations, and, eventually, the careers that they choose to pursue.

So the next time you see kids giggling while they hang on jungle gyms or dig around in a sandbox, you might not want to just write it off as silliness — they're actually learning the fundamentals of adult behavior.

Here are 21 reasons you should encourage the kids in your life to play more all year long.

1. Kids aren't made to sit still. They're made to play.

Human kids are born with a natural desire to play, and it helps them learn important skills. That said, today's kids are way less active than their parents and generations were before them. However, if you give the kids in your life the opportunity to play, you're doing your part to help reverse this unhealthy trend.

2. Playing helps kids stay active, and active kids do better in school.

Active kids tend to have increased concentration, go to school more regularly, and are usually better behaved once they get there. In fact, studies suggest that they’re noticeably more attentive and less distracted right after an active play session.

So in a way, encouraging play is just as useful as paying extra for a tutor, if not more so.

3. They’re also more well-adjusted overall.

Kids who play regularly tend to have healthier eating habits and more confidence than inactive kids because they’re running on endorphins that boost mood and improve behavior.

Imagine, just by letting them go hog wild outside once a day, you might have the most well-adjusted kids on the block!

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A group of children pulling a rope in a game of tug-o-war.

Photo by Anna Samoylova on Unsplash

4. And play can give them a major mood boost.

Research suggests that being more physically active can improve a kid’s self-esteem, mood, and social interactions all at once. If your kid mopes around the house, complaining that they have nothing to do, why not seize the opportunity and send them outside?

5. Play encourages healthy brain development, especially in younger kids.

You know how little kids seem to create fantastical worlds every time they play? All that creative thinking is helping them expand their imaginations in a super productive way. It's like cognitive strength training — not only are they building up their dexterity and physical strength, but by interacting with other kids in this way, they're also establishing emotional strength.

6. And that emotional strength pays off down the line.

Did you know that emotionally intelligent people tend to be more successful? According to analysis by Egon Zehnder International, it’s one of the most common attributes of thriving senior executives. This is where that starts.

7. Meanwhile, not playing could actually shorten kids’ lives.

According to the World Health Organization, physical inactivity is the fourth-leading risk factor for death worldwide. However, so far, that stat doesn't seem to be scaring people enough to get kids moving. Hopefully this list will encourage some parents to start changing that!

8. The sitting epidemic is very real, especially in our country.

In America alone, physical activity in kids between the ages of 9 and 15 has dropped by 75%. What better reason is there to make use of the longest day of the year?

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Kids have replaced physical activity with sedentary playing.

Photo from Pixabay

9. But American kids aren’t the only ones who are affected by inactivity.

According to the World Health Organization, 80% of 11- to 17-year-olds around the world fail to meet the minimum requirements of physical activity: 60 minutes a day. If the trend continues, your kids could live five years less than you.

10. And kids get a little less active every year.

Children are the most active at age 6, and then they tend to start slowing down. By the time they're 19, many kids are as sedentary as 60-year-olds, according to The Washington Post.

While this sounds scary, a little extra playtime now can reverse this trend.

11. That said, kids who start out active tend to stay active.

It’s pretty simple — starting such a habit at a young age is proven to help kids carry that habit with them into adulthood. And if they're active adults, odds are they'll encourage their kids to be active too — and just like that, you've started an extremely healthy chain reaction.

12. Child-driven play is also where kids learn skills they'll need as adults.

One of the biggest questions asked in job interviews is if you work well with others. That's not a skill you acquire in high school or college — it starts much earlier, on the playground. When left to their own devices, children develop the confidence they need to take control and make decisions. They also learn how to share, negotiate, and resolve conflicts in a diplomatic way.

13. Boys are twice as active as girls.

In fact, by the age of 14, girls drop out of team sports twice as often. Reasons for this include everything from a lack of athletic opportunities to social stigmas against sporty girls.

That’s why it’s so important to get girls moving early — so they’ll be more inclined to stay in the game down the road.

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A young girl swings on the monkey bars.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

14. But when girls do stay active, it makes a huge difference.

Those who keep playing usually get giant doses of confidence and coping and decision-making skills. Simultaneously, risks of depression, stress, and other dangerous behaviors like eating disorders tend to drop off.

15. Plus, active girls tend to become successful women.

A 2015 study of 400 female C-suite executives found that over half of them played sports at a university level. What's more, Fortune found that over 80% of female Fortune500 executives played a competitive sport at some time in their lives.

Can you see these powerhouses as little tikes on the blacktop during recess? They must've given every boy a run for their money.

16. That’s why it’s so important for them to have motivators they can look up to.

Research suggests that when girls have positive female role models in their lives, it sets them up for a better future. Unfortunately, in 2017 only 28% of youth coaches were female. If more women can be that role model for their kids, nieces, or kids in their neighborhood, they’ll be making a major impact on them.

17. Regardless of gender, though, when it comes to test scores, active kids set the curve.

When regular play is part of a child's life, it can help them stay attentive and put focused energy into their studies. And there are stats to prove it. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), students who are regularly active tend to have higher grade point averages and lower high school dropout rates. In fact, active kids have been shown to score up to 40% higher on tests than inactive kids.

18. Regular activity also gives your kid a better chance at a more successful career.

No matter what career path your 8-year-old chooses in the future, playing everyday now could give them the boost they need to land the job of their dreams. In fact, studies suggest physically active kids are 15% more likely to go to college and earn an average of 7-8% more money than an inactive kid.

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A father at play with his daughter.

Photo by lauren lulu taylor on Unsplash

19. What’s more, play is a great way for parents and kids to bond.

Kids learn games from their parents, and vice versa, which always makes for an incredibly adorable good time.

And, since school recess has been cut back, encouraging play is largely up to parents these days. Over the past two decades, schools across the country have cut down recess significantly — in some cases, entirely.

The more parents can motivate their kids to get moving outside of school, the more they'll counteract this unfortunate rollback.

20. But if parents get in the way of kid play too much, it can offset its benefits.

If you dictate how they should play, you might actually hinder all the positive effects playtime can have. Giving up that control might be hard, but it can also be a game changer in kids' development.

21. Play is so important that it is recognized by the United Nations as a fundamental human right.

Because the name suggests it's not productive time spent, it's easy to let playtime become a privilege or reward. But regular active play could be the difference between a happy, healthy, successful adult and one who struggles to get through the day.

If a prestigious, international organization like the U.N. understands that and puts its importance on par with food and shelter, it's time for parents and schools everywhere to pick up the play baton and run with it — and encourage their kids to do the same every day.

This article originally appeared on 06.21.18

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