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Teacher shares the one thing parents need to teach kids to prepare them for kindergarten

Kindergarten teacher Emily Perkins says avoiding this can make them "unteachable."

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Kindergarten teacher shares #1 thing parents should teach kids.

Sending your kid to kindergarten for the first time is a milestone parenting moment. For parents looking to prepare their kids for attending school for the first time, kindergarten teacher Emily Perkins (@emmymckenny) from Kentucky has spilled her wisdom.

In a new TikTok video, Perkins shared the number one thing parents should be teaching their kids before sending them to her classroom—and it's slightly controversial.

"No. No no no. No," she captioned the video. In it, she explains that parents need to teach their children the meaning of 'no,' and telling them 'no' when necessary.

@emmymckenny

No. No no no. No. #teachersoftiktok #momsoftiktok #gentleparenting #controversial

She says in the video, "A lot of people ask me all the time when they figure out that I’m a kindergarten teacher: What can they do to prepare their kid for kindergarten? What can I do—help them open their snacks? Help them tie their shoes? No, no, no, not that. Tell your kid, 'No' ... Tell them ‘No’ as a complete sentence."

The mom of two continues to add that if parents fail to tell and teach their kids "no," it can make them "unteachable" once they get in her classroom. "Do not teach them that telling them, 'No' invites them to argue with you, because if I can’t tell your child 'No' as an adult, and they don’t respect the 'No,' they’re basically unteachable. Let me tell you something: I will open their snacks, I will tie their shoes, I will help them blow their nose, I will teach them how to wash their hands properly."

@emmymckenny

I went viral #teachersoftiktok #viral #no


Perkins does not mince words when explaining the importance of teaching kids "no," and takes a stand against gentle parenting that she argues has turned many parents into pushovers. "The term gentle parenting gets thrown around like a reward—'Congratulations, you’re a pushover.' You can validate your child’s feelings without being a pushover. I heard a parent tell me that they don’t tell their child, 'No' because it triggers them," she explains.

Perkins adds that if parents cannot tell their children "no," neither can teachers—which can lead to disaster in kindergarten. "And if your child’s teacher can’t tell them, 'No,' it’s really hard to help them learn," she concluded.

@emmymckenny

IDC #teachersoftiktok #controversy #thingsidontcareabout

In an interview withTODAY, Perkins shared that "'No’ is not a bad word," and added that “‘no’ is not an invitation to an argument." She added, "My whole job is explaining. Think of logistics—if we’re lining up for a fire drill, it’s, 'No, you may not stay inside if the building is on fire' or 'No, you may not climb on the table because it’s not safe.'"

While she notes that further explanation of "no" to kids is certainly important, it's more crucial for kids to not to question or argue right away if they are told, "No." "I love to explain why, but if I can’t right then, kids still have to hear and accept 'no,'" she told the publication.

Perkins' video got a lot of support from fellow teachers and parents in the comment section:

"Preschool teacher here. you are 10000000000% correct. Let them struggle a bit so they can ACTUALLY do hard things. Let them experience disappointment! make them resilient!" one wrote.

"THIS!! I’m a first year kindergarten teacher and some of this littles just don’t get no… it’s so wild to me."

A parent viewer wrote, "True gentle parenting is about telling your child no and sticking to it. If you can never tell your child no it’s permissive."

And another parent shared, "Not a teacher just a mom, but YES. Not everything needs to be a lesson…sometimes because I said so is a complete sentence."

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10 things kids get in trouble for that adults get away with all the time

Why do we expect children to have more self-control than grown-ups?

Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Kids know when we're being hypocritical.

Raising kids is tough and no parent does it perfectly. Each child is different, each has their own personalities, strengths and challenges, and each of them requires something different from their parents in order to flourish.

But there's one thing that parents have long said, with their actions if not with their words, that justifiably drives kids bonkers: "Do as I say, not as I do."

To be fair, both moral and actual law dictate that there are things that adults can do that kids can't. Children can't drive or consume alcohol, for example, so it's not hypocritical for adults to do those things while telling kids they cannot. There are other things—movies, TV shows, books, etc.—that parents have to decide whether their kids are ready for or not based on their age and developmental stage, and that's also to be expected.

But there are some gaps between what adults do and what they expect kids to do that aren't so easy to reconcile.

In fact, there's a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to the way adults behave and the way they think kids should behave that warrants some examination. Here are 10 things some people punish kids for that adults do with total impunity:

1. Being hangry

Grown-ups are so familiar with being cranky when they need food that they coined the term "hangry." And yet, if a child melts down because they're hungry, they are expected to pull themselves together and "stop that fussing."

Sure, kids have to learn to regulate their emotional expression, but being punished for needing food and not being able to control their reactions to hunger yet isn't going to teach them that regulation. They have a hard enough time learning that skill when they aren't hungry, so give kids a little grace when the hanger hits. (And always carry snacks.)

2. Not wanting to share something special

The concept of sharing is something most parents try to instill into their kids in order to move them away from self-centeredness. That's not a bad thing, for sure.

But it's worth noting that most adults have certain special belongings that they don't want other people to use, which is totally fine, so expecting kids to always share everything doesn't really make sense. Instead, teach kids that if they have something special that they don't want to share, to keep that item put away when other kids are around. They can also learn to kindly say, "Actually, that toy is extra special to me, but I'm happy to let you play with this one" while offering something else.

3. Breaking dishes, dropping drinks, or other oopsies

How many of us don't break a dish on occasion, simply due to fumbling fingers?

Accidents happen, and it's not always because we're being careless. If a kid is tossing a dish up in the air and trying to catch it behind their back or some other foolish game, that's worth a talking to about carelessness. But if a child breaks something or drops something, our first reaction shouldn't be to get angry and blame or shame them.

Grown-ups don't get in trouble when they drop something. Kids, who have a lot less experience with their hands, definitely shouldn't. Model forgiveness and compassion by helping them clean up the mess, and move on.

4. Not responding immediately

"Did you hear what I said? Are you listening?" we ask our children mere minutes after they had to repeat "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy," to us before we were able to respond to them.

We can't expect our kids to immediately pull their attention away from what they are doing every time we want to say something to them, just as we can't always immediately shift our focus to them if we're putting together a recipe or typing out a thought or in the middle of a calculation.

It's reasonable to teach kids to respectfully say, "One second, please," if we want their attention when they're in the middle of something. That teaches them that their learning/play is worth concentrating on, but also that responding to their parents is important. Give them a little time to disengage, just as adults grant one another all the time if we need to talk.

5. Forgetting things

Adults sometimes forget their lunchbox at home. Adults sometimes leave their jacket someplace by accident. Forgetting things is a normal human phenomenon, not limited to children, and we all give one another grace when we forget something.

With kids, we tend to be less forbearing. If forgetting is a daily occurrence, then sure, it might need to be addressed. But making a kid go hungry because they forgot their lunch even though we could easily bring it to them because "this will teach them to remember it" is kind of silly. Would we do that to our spouse if they forgot their lunch? No. Why do it with a kid (again, unless it's a recurring habit)?

6. Refusing to eat something

We all have likes and dislikes, and one man's feast is another man's napkin food. We would never force an adult who doesn't like sweet potatoes to stay at the table until they finish their sweet potatoes. Why do that to kids?

Encouraging kids to try something they've never tasted is one thing, but making them eat something they've tried and didn't like is just ick. Kids can learn to be grateful for the food they have without being made to eat everything on their plate. Provide lots of options, encourage tasting, but don't force kids to eat anything. That's a quick way to take the enjoyment out of trying new foods and create a negative association with eating certain foods—the exact opposite of what you're wanting.

Most kids will grow out of picky eating, but there will always be certain things people don't care for. It's okay to let that be.

7. Fidgeting

Some people have a really hard time sitting still for long periods of time, adults and children alike. But kids are the ones who get in trouble for not sitting still. Look at how popular standing desks, under-the-desk treadmills and walking meetings have become for working adults—and that's even when they have comfortable, ergonomic office chairs to sit in.

Yet kids are expected to sit in uncomfortable desks most of the day without being able to get up and move around as they need to? No wonder some kids get fidgety.

8. Being in a bad mood

We all have our moments, don't we? Times when we're just feeling salty or irritable and we don't even know why? Maybe it's hormones, maybe it's hanger, maybe it's a full moon—whatever it is, we let people know we're feeling prickly and do what we need to do to either stay away from people or put ourselves right.

What certainly wouldn't help is having someone chide us for having a "bad attitude" and insist that we "shape up." Helping kids manage their mood or alter their environment when they're struggling to manage it is a much more effective life skill than punishing them for being in a bad mood.

9. Complaining

Ever seen a grown-up sit down to do their taxes without a single complaint? No, you haven't, because even if we're getting a refund the process of figuring it out is painful.

Plenty of adults complain when we have to do something we don't want to do, and it's not because we were raised that way, most of the time. It's because some things just suck and it makes us feel better in the moment to express how much they suck.

What kids complain about may seem trivial or silly to us, but it's not to them. Totally find to teach kids that complaining doesn't do any good, but not worth punishing them for it.

10. Sneaking sweets

Umm, hi. Guilty, pretty much daily.

It's technically not sneaking when you own the sweets and you're a grown-up, but it feels like it. And who can blame kids for wanting to raid the cookie jar or the chocolate chip stash? Not saying they should. Just saying I get it, kid.

What else belongs on this list?


This article originally appeared on 3.1.24

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Mom films her 10-month-old helping with chores to show parents that babies 'are capable'

"It’s so important for their development and they enjoy it!”

Representative image from Canva

Having kids help in chores can really help them out later in life, according to experts.

It’s part of a parent’s job to help kids enjoy being kids while they can. At the same time, it’s extremely beneficial to teach them certain “adult” tasks while they’re still young. This can help them see everything from cleaning to budgeting as a fun, life-affirming activity, rather than a mandatory chore. Which research shows can, in turn, set them up for way more happiness and success once they do reach adulthood.

And that’s why mom and child development expert Sophie Zee is hosting a video of her ten-month-old helping with household chores like laundry and loading the dishwasher. It’s her way of reminding other parents just how capable their young children are.

In the video’s text overlay on her Zee wrote: “POV: you're 10-months-old but your mom is trained in child development, so you already know about basic chores and associate them with playtime and fun, and you enjoy helping out and doing them.”

As we see her toddler’s little hands splashing water in a strainer and pressing buttons on the washing machine, it’s clear that he is just a supervised participant of each chore, getting a visceral experience of it all. At one point he even gets a little creative with a certain task—using a fork to open the dishwasher’s soap dispenser. Problem-solving skills: unlocked!

“Let your baby & kids watch/help with your daily chores. Even if it takes a bit longer or is a bit messier. It’s so important for their development and they enjoy it!” Zee's video caption read.

@schoolpsych.mom Let your baby & kids watch/help with your daily chores. Even if it takes a bit longer or is a bit messier. It’s so important for their development and they enjoy it! #momsoftiktok #parentingtips #babylife #newmomtips #toddlermom ♬ Feel Good - Tundra Beats

Down in the comments, several other parents noted having the same positive experience with their old young kids.

One mom wrote, “My 9 month old loves watching/helping me clean especially when I load/unload the dishwasher! I love making the daily tasks around the house more fun for the two of us.”

Another wrote, “I did this with my 6 adult kiddies. They were helping from the time they were just a few weeks old.”

Others simply gave kudos to Zee for setting her child up for success.

“ECD teacher here too. Best to train them from young 🥰 love it,” one view wrote.

In an interview with Newsweek, Zee explained that she filmed her son doing chores to highlight "their intrinsic motivation to engage and feel part of the family unit,” which may go otherwise underutilized.

"Parents may not realize that children learn extensively by observing and imitating adults. They naturally want to mimic our actions, presenting a perfect opportunity to expose them to life's responsibilities, including self-care and household tasks," she said.

"Sometimes my 10-month-old son engages in various daily tasks and chores around our home. I made that video to demonstrate how even young children, like babies, are capable of participating in everyday activities.”

Still, she noted that forcing kids to participate is “counterproductive,” and suggested that parents instead gently invite them to “join in, observe, and gradually participate.” She also reiterated that while having them join in might make things a little messier at first, the long term effects are well worth it.

"This approach is more beneficial than expecting children to play independently or watch television while parents rush through tasks. Ultimately, embracing this inclusive approach benefits the entire family, offering immediate rewards and long-term positive habits for children's development."

For more helpful child development content, including tips on how to get young ones to participate in chores, follow Zee on TikTok.

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‘Really concerning’: Researcher reveals how she instantly knows if a child is an 'iPad kid'

“There is a big difference between babies who are exposed to screens 24/7 and babies who are not."

via Jelleke Vanooteghem/Unsplash and Ratiliciousxx/TikTok

The jury is still out on screen time but the effects are obvious to this researcher.

Screen time is a big topic among parents, but unfortunately, there are no clear-cut answers on how much exposure a child should have. Being that iPads and similar devices haven’t been around that long, there haven’t been enough solid longitudinal studies on the topic for researchers to come to a screen-time consensus.

Given the uncertainty surrounding the issue, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that children 18 to 24 months old shouldn’t have any screen time (excluding video chatting) and kids who are 2 to 5 years old should have no more than an hour a day.

Liva, a researcher who works with children ages 3 months to 3 years, says that the effects of constant iPad use on a young child are apparent. She says that iPad kids have parents who allow unlimited use and believe an “iPad can raise a child.” As compared to parents who allow their kids to have an hour or less of screen time a day.

“Let me tell you, every single time an iPad kid comes in, us, the researchers, we know. It doesn’t take very long to tell,” she explains in a video with over 1 million views. “There is a big difference between babies who are exposed to screens 24/7 and babies who are not, and you can tell within the first 10 minutes of meeting a baby.”

If i ever have kids theyre getting minimal screen time, like im talking almost 0. I feel so bad for teachers too. #ipadbabies #childdevelopment

@ratiliciousxx

If i ever have kids theyre getting minimal screen time, like im talking almost 0. I feel so bad for teachers too. #ipadbabies #childdevelopment


“At one point, we give the parent an iPad, and if the baby cannot have that iPad, all hell breaks loose,” she continued. “It is, like, the end of the world. Like, I’ve seen babies who are 8 to 10 months old, who have zero interest in actual baby toys but freak out when they see the iPad. And it’s really concerning.”

In a follow-up video, Liv further explained the difference between healthy and unhealthy iPad use in young children.

@ratiliciousxx

Replying to @´･ᴗ･`

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