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Lighting a candle? That's basic compared to these advanced tips.

Poop anxiety isn't the most heavily studied medical field, but some estimates say up to a third of people suffer from some kind of anxiety around going to the bathroom in a public place or another person's home. On the low end, they can feel ashamed or embarrassed. At the higher end, they may avoid social functions, public events, or leaving their own home entirely. This phenomenon also tends to affect women more than men. For some people the worry gets so bad that they constipate themselves or refuse to eat, all because they're worried of what people will think of them.

But you don't have to have extreme "shy bowel" to know the uncertainty associated with feeling a rumbly tummy while you're a guest in someone's house. There are a lot of unknowns to manage. How good is their soundproofing? Does their toilet actually flush properly? Will someone be waiting to go in right after me? Some people anticipate these worries and come up with elaborate rules and routines to leave as little evidence of their go as possible.

A guy took a simple question to social media: Should you always courtesy flush when you're a guest in someone's house? The answer sparked a huge debate about the secret etiquette of public pooping.


poop, bathroom, dancing, funny, humor, toiletThis dancing poop says pooping can be fun!Giphy

In a thread on the subreddit r/NoStupidQuestions, the OP asked: "My mother tells me that at other people's houses, when going to the bathroom, it's expected to do a 'courtesy flush'. Is this a real thing?"

For the uninitiated, a courtesy flush is when you flush halfway through your "go." The thinking is that it helps get rid of odors before they build up. Not only that did the poster's mother advocate for courtesy flushing, she insisted on a very specific ritual when visiting other people's homes:

  1. Always carry Poopurri and spray before you go
  2. Flush halfway through your session
  3. Flush at the end (obviously)
  4. Clean toilet bowl with wand... every time!
If it sounds a little extreme to you, you're not alone.

However, some commenters were extremely pro-courtesy flush.

toilet, bathroom, home, hygiene, cleaning, etiquetteWhite ceramic toilet bowl with cover. Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

"I’ve done the 'courtesy flush' thing for years… mainly to help minimize lingering odors more than any other reason."

"That’s good advice. First flush on delivery, second flush with clean up. Reduces odor and skid marks."

A few people noted that the courtesy flush is common in jails and prisons, of all places. Due to the tight (extremely tight) quarters, inmates are encouraged to repeatedly flush while they go. I don't want to know what the consequence might be for violating this code.

Others claimed the courtesy flush was a waste of water:

"Flushing twice seems very wasteful in my opinion. I would not like a guest to do that."

"No, please don't waste my water. But do make sure everything goes down."

"If someone did that at my house I'd be low key annoyed at them for wasting water."

Experts agree that the effectiveness of the courtesy flush is very much up for debate. Does it mildly lessen odor? Maybe. It's also a gigantic waste of water. Older toilets can use up to six gallons per flush—yikes! An extra flush is also questionable at best when it comes to sanitation—flushing poop with the lid open is known to spray bacteria all over the bathroom. Yuck.

"Everyone poops, I don't want my guests worrying about it," wrote one commenter. "Crack a window if it's like, lethally stinky, I guess. If you clog the toilet, the plunger is in a plastic tub right there. If you need help, cool, now we have a funny story."

The courtesy flush, however, was only the beginning of the OPSEC tips for pooping in public.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Some commenters were on board with OP's mother's idea of using the toilet brush if it's available:

"If there's some brown stuck to the porcelain after I flush, and if there's a toilet brush on hand, I give it a quick cleaning and a second flush. But not if things look clean otherwise," someone wrote.

Another commenter had an even more advanced idea: "You can also float a strip of toilet paper on top of the water before you poo. Gets wrapped in paper as you drop off your delivery and less likely to leave skid marks in the bowl."

Of course, commenters in threads all over the Internet sing the praises of Poo-Pourri, or even carrying a lighter with you at all times to burn up some of the stinky oxygen. And how's this for a pro-level tip?

"Tip for the courtesy flush.. if one who finds it hard to poop in a public bathroom because you don’t want people to hear you. Flush just right before you push and the sound of the water will cover the sound of gas etc and it will go right down with the water so very minimal smell."

I mean, all you can do really is clap at the social-anxiety-fueled ingenuity on display. The experts seem to agree here. Even Healthline recommends carrying air purifier spray, lining the inside of the bowl with toilet paper to absorb sound, and flushing several times to reduce anxiety worries.

The general consensus is that, when pooping at someone's house, basic etiquette applies. Clean up after yourself to a normal degree, but remember, as the saying goes: Everybody poops.

Some people are really protective over the bathrooms in their homes, which is their right. But if that's the case, they really shouldn't be having guests over and expecting them not to partake in normal human biological behaviors.

Some of the advanced tips shared by anxious-pooers might help, but try not to send yourself into a tailspin trying to cover your tracks. In extreme cases of bathroom anxiety, experts say cognitive behavior therapy or even antidepressants may be needed. But the rest of us might just need to read that world famous children's book again.

This article originally appeared in March

It's time to unlock the mysteries of your washing machine.

Your washing machine is basically a superhero in disguise. Sure, it can handle a t-shirt or bundle of socks, no problem, but did you know that your trusty appliance can also tackle a mountain of other random objects? But don’t start tossing everything and the kitchen sink into the washer, because there are also some serious no-nos, when it comes to laundry day. From surprising additions to machine-breaking mishaps, knowing what can and cannot go into your washer can be the difference between a small household catastrophe and simple, easier living. Let’s unlock the mysteries of the appliance.

10 things you CAN stick in the washing machine

1. Stuffed animals: Your beloved teddy bears and Squashmallows are usually perfect fits for the washing machine. “Most plush toys can be washed in a washing machine,” Real Simple reminds. “However, be careful with stuffed animals that have sequins, hats or fragile clothing (e.g., sheer), buttons and other plastic accessories, and glued-on eyes.” For the best protection, toss your cherished companion into a mesh laundry bag, turn the dial to cold water, wash on a gentle cycle, then air dry.

2. Baseball caps: Think about how many times greasy, sweaty fingers graze the tips of baseball caps. Yuck. Although experts recommend washing baseball caps by hand, “if you’re determined to use a washing machine, be sure to place your hat in a mesh bag and wash it on a gentle or delicate cycle in cold water,” writes the New York Times. Always remember to air dry to maintain that head-shaped mold: nobody wants an ill-fitting cap.

3. Yoga mats: It’s time to give your yoga mat the deep-clean of its dreams. Wipes and pat-downs are great for the short-term, but as REI reports, yoga mats are “a near-perfect storm for harboring germs” in which bacterial growth and unwanted odors can fester. Check your mat for specifics, but in most cases, use a delicate cycle with minimal detergent, then skip the spin cycle entirely. Air dry away from direct sunlight. Remember: yoga mats should be cleaned every month or so.

4. Shower curtains and liners: “Shower curtains are designed to withstand lots of hot water, so you should be able to wash any shower curtain in the washing machine on a low heat cycle,” says Pro Housekeepers. You can even toss them in with a few towels on a gentle cycle with warm water! But keep in mind: cold water can make plastic curtains crack and rip, so always stick to warm.

5. Small rugs and mats: Clean the rugs in your entryways or hallways and the mats in your kitchen and bathroom with a few rounds in the washing cycle. “Whether your rug is washing machine friendly depends on its size, material, and care label instructions. Cotton and some synthetic fibers are usually good to go, but wool, silk, jute, and shag aren’t typically washer friendly,” advises Whirlpool. Shake out the dirt first, then wash on gentle with cold or warm water; always air dry to prevent shrinkage or backing damage.

washing machine, settings, safe, laundry, dryer Knowing how to properly clean your washing machine-safe items is important. Photo credit: Canva

6. Backpacks and lunch bags: It’s important to clean these: just imagine how dirty the floors you’re setting them down on are! Many lunch boxes and backpacks can be thrown into the washing machine “to save you lots of hard scrubbing by hand,” writes Speed Queen. Turn inside out like a pillowcase for an extra gentle clean.

7. Oven mitts and pot holders: “These kitchen essentials handle grease and heat daily,” says Alicia Sokolowski, the president and co-CEO at AspenClean to The Washington Post. “Give them a refresh in the washing machine to keep them looking and smelling clean.” These items can handle a normal wash cycle with warm water, so feel free to throw them in with your towels. For extra saucy, grimy, kitchen disaster-y mitts, pre-treat with a spritz of white vinegar first, rinse, then wash separately.

8. Pillows (down and fiberfill only): It’s not just the shams and pillow covers—the entire thing can be thrown in the washing machine. “Most pillows, including those filled with cotton, feathers, down, and fiberfill, can be cleaned in a washing machine using warm water on the gentle cycle,” reports Martha Stewart. Wash two at a time to maintain balance and use minimal detergent. Rinse twice then dry thoroughly, with tennis balls or dryer balls, for maximum fluffiness.

9. Sneakers: This is one of the best kept secrets, one so obvious, that it could just…sneak by. Remove the laces (which you can wash in a mesh bag), toss the shoes in with some towels to soften the noise, always use cold water, and air dry. By cushioning your sneakers and preventing them from banging against the drum, you’ll be protecting the machine (and your ears.)

10. Reusable shopping bags: One of life’s simple pleasures: a good, reusable shopping bag. But over time, shopping trips in grocery carts and carrying fresh produce can really create some damage...and germs. So, turn your bag inside out, use warm water, turn on a gentle cycle, and air dry. In a 2010 study funded by the American Chemistry Council, 97% of the people interviewed never washed their reusable bags. Don’t be one of these people.


Washing machine, unexpected items, dryer , laundry, washer, cleanYour washing machine is a superhero. Photo credit: Canva

Your washing machine is a superhero, but that doesn’t mean it’s invincible! Always check care labels, use mesh bags when washing small or delicate items, and balance the load when dealing with heavy items like shoes or rugs. Good luck—and enjoy exploring your washing machine’s unknown powers.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in. For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, more or less.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready. “I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”

@organizedchaos4

When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom

"That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audrey is certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

Cleary, none of the negative comments have dissuaded Audrey from taking care of her daughter this way. In fact, in one video, she mentions that, due to her love language being "acts of service," she actually enjoys doing it.


@organizedchaos4

For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize


@organizedchaos4

For everyone in yesterday’s video saying “if she can’t keep it clean she doesn’t deserve it” let’s apply that logic to you, as well. If you’ve ever had a semi-messy home, you don’t deserve it. 😉 See the problem with that logic? We all allow our homes to get messy once in a while. No shame in it. Welcome help if it’s offered. ❤️ We’re all about grace and generational wealth over here. 👏🏻 #cleaning #clean #cleaningmotivation #kids #cleanwithme #organization #organize

And for those of us adults without a parent to help clean, Audrey has some pretty great organizational tips on her TikTok for you to peruse.

This article originally appeared last year.