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A new study from psychologists says humor might be the key to successful parenting

Good parenting is a joke.

Mother and son being goofy together, sticking their tongues out
Photo credit: Canva

Humor can help you bond with your child while also boosting their growing brain

Being a parent is tough. If you are one, you probably read many articles, watched a lot of videos, or asked other parents for advice regarding structure, discipline, consistency, and other qualities that go into raising a child. But researchers found something equally as important as all of those parental virtues: humor.

Researchers and psychologists from the Public Library of Science and the Penn State College of Medicine found that humor played a huge role in successful parenting in a recent study. In a survey of 312 parents or would-be parents, 55% reported that humor was a significant part of their childhood from their parents and that 72% found humor to be an effective parenting tool. Out of those surveyed, the vast majority who reported having a strong bond with their parents as kids and now as adults also had humor as a part of their upbringing.

Father and son wearing noodles as mustachesGood parenting is a mix of structure, discipline, boundaries, and goofiness.Photo credit: Canva

So how does that work? You’d probably want a fun relationship with your child but at the same time not appear to be a joke to them either. If your young kid has to approach you with a problem, you don’t want them to be afraid that you won’t take them seriously. You also don’t want them to continue bad behavior because they think it’s funny and ignore you when you tell them to stop.

Well, humor on its own won’t help parents, but using it correctively and implementing it constructively, such as when tensions are high, can benefit both you and your kid.

“While parent-child relationships are more loving than business relationships, stressful situations happen a lot when parenting,” said Lucy Emery, one of the authors of the study. “Humor can help diffuse that tension and hierarchy and help both parties feel better about a stressful situation.”

A woman laughs at her daughter making a goofy face for a selfieLaughter can help ease tension and build trust between you and your kid.Photo credit: Canva

So in terms of applying humor into your parenting style, it’s an effective to use it to diffuse tense situations (like when a child’s having a tantrum or when they feel bad after being corrected or disciplined), model creative problem solving to your children, and just plain experience shared joy between you and your kid.

Many professionals in pediatrics and educators also say that humor not only promotes stronger bonds between parents and their children, but also helps child development. According to Children’s Minnesota Hospital among other experts, instilling a good sense of humor in a child helps them see situations in more perspectives such as when a certain situation could be funny or could be dangerous. Humor also allows them to laugh at themselves when they make mistakes as opposed to being angry or disappointed that they messed up. On top of that, frequent laughter is just healthier as it reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, and improves digestion on top of just making life in general more fun.

Doctor and child patient wearing clown nosesFrequent laughter improves a child's health and their mind overall.Photo credit: Canva

So if you’re a new parent and feeling stressed, take a moment. Instead of being upset that your son spilled their milk on the floor for the fifth time today, laugh at how ridiculous that is and tell a funny story about how clumsy you used to be as you both clean it up. If you and your kid had a tense fight, tell them a joke to let them know everything is okay between you two. And overall, just laugh with your kid. It’s good for them and it’s good for you, too.

A family of two parents and one child stick their tongues out while taking a selfie.A family that laughs together, bonds together.Photo credit: Canva

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Millennial history teacher explains the 3 phases of Gen X and why they were ‘forgotten’

"They just want to be left alone."

via Canva/Photos

A cassette tape from the '80s.

Generation X occupies an interesting time in history, for those who care to recognize that they actually exist. They were born between 1965 and 1980 and came into this world at an interesting inflection point: women were becoming a larger part of the workplace and divorce was at the highest point in history. This left Gen X to be the least parented generation in recent history.

Gen X was overlooked in their domestic lives and culturally were overshadowed by Baby Boomers with their overpowering nostalgia for Woodstock, The Beatles, and every cultural moment celebrated in Forest Gump. Once Boomer navel-gazing nostalgia began to wane, a much larger and over-parented generation, the Millennials, came on the scene.

“Whereas Boomers were the ‘me generation’ and millennials were the ‘me me me generation,’ Gen X has become the ‘meh’ generation,” Emily Stewart writes at Business Insider. But even if Gen X is a little aloof, that doesn’t mean they aren’t totally rad, awesome, trippindicular, and that it’d be bogus to define them any other way. To explain the unique history of Gen X and why they’re often overlooked, history teacher Lauren Cella created a timeline on TikTok to explain them to her Gen Z students..

@laurencella92

A love letter to Gen X from your millennial cousin🫶 Gen X didn’t start the fire, so after this I will just leave them alone because they do not care 🤣 But seriously for a generation that sometimes gets “forgotten” and stuck between the larger boomer or millennial cohorts, the genres they created paved the way for pop culture as we know it. I’m still not sure who let kids watch “The Day After” on TV or play on those hot metal playgrounds, but Gen X survived to tell the tale. Today, the so called “latchkey” kids, born 1965-1980 are actually super involved as parents, aunts, uncles, teachers (or maybe even grandparents)😉. Kids today want to say they are “built different” but I think Gen X is the one holding down that title because they grew up tough, they saw too much, they made it out, and they know exactly who they are and wouldn’t have it any other way.✌️ #g#genx

In Cella’s video, she divides Gen X into three distinct phases.

Phase 1: 1970s stagflation and changing families

“Gas shortages meant stagflation. So parents either both had to work or maybe they were divorced. So that meant microwave TV dinners and kids that sort of raised themselves,” Cella explains. “There was no parenting blogs, there was no after-school travel sports, emailing. Like, none of that existed. Bored? Go outside."


Phase 2: The neon ‘80s

“But then came the 1980s, where everything was big and loud. The hair, the bangs, the Reaganomics, mass consumerism (because now we can trade with China). The whole media just exploded,” Cella says. “But now we have TV, we have movies, we have TV, movies, home movies, TV movies, favorite TV movies, music, music, Videos, music, video, television. All these different genres and all these different cliques and all these different ways that you can express yourself.”


Phase 3: 1990s post-Cold War Skepticism

“Gen X sort of comes into the 1990s more sarcastic and skeptical,” Cella continues. “The Cold War ending meant that they rejected the excess of the eighties. And there's the shift. Grunge, indie, alternative, flannels, Docs [Doc Martins]. At this point, the technology is also exploding, but not like fun home media, but like corporate media. So there's this resistance to sell-out culture.”


Cella has a theory on why Gen X seems forgotten, and it’s not just because CBS News famously denied its existence. She believes that it comes down to Gen X’s inability to call attention to itself. “So Gen X is a bridge between these two larger, more storied generations. So it's not necessarily that they get forgotten. They don't really want the attention. They're kind of fine to just like, fly under the radar like they always have, because honestly, it's whatever.”

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Gen X parents who 'roamed free' as kids challenge Millennial parents' 'constant stimulation'

"Parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids."

Image via Canva/Kampus Production

Gen X parents discuss biggest parenting difference between them and Millennials.

Parenting styles are always changing from generation to generation. And Gen Xers are taking note about how vastly different their parents' (from the Silent Generation and Baby Boomers) style of parenting differs from Millennials.

One Gen Xer shared, "Something I’ve noticed the last 10 years or so is how much parents are constantly 'doing' something with their kids all summer. I have a few friends that are much younger and have children of all ages. It seems like everyday they are going to the zoo, going to the park, going to a museum, waterpark, taking them horseback riding etc. It never stops."

After explaining the observation, they continued, "I just remember being a kid and playing outside all summer and maybe doing 1-2 things all summer. Do kids really need this much constant stimulation? Please correct me if I’m wrong. It just seems like A LOT."

@nostalgicjunkies1

80s parents gave us freedom. We played till sunset, rode bikes, and explored the world without a care. They trusted us, letting us grow with our own experiences. 🕶️💖 #80sNostalgia #Freedom #Parenting #ChildhoodMemories #90sKids #80sParents #Nostalgia #ParentingWin ! #nostalgia #childhood #80sparents #millenial #childhoodmemories #80sbaby #teenager #throwback #millennialsoftiktok #80snostalgia #nostalgiacore #usa #fyp #foryoupage #trending

Many Gen Xers agreed, and explained the value in giving their kids space growing up. "My kids are older now, but when they were young, I tried to do a combo of unstructured time and fun activities in the summers. We'd have a few days of unstructured time in a row, then hit a museum or water park or something to break it up. I think they both have value," one wrote.

And another Gen Xer added, "It’s not an all or nothing thing. Being around your kids 24/7 so they get smothered and never learn to make their own decisions is bad but our parents basically ignoring us all the time was just as bad. There’s a pretty large happy medium where you hang out with your kids sometimes while in other times you leave them to their own devices."

The post garnered further reaction, and healthy debate. Other Gen Xers disagreed, noting their parents could have been more involved with them growing up.

@b.u.p.c

Replying to @duanemclendon still raising kids at my age. #genx

One Gen Xer explained how their parents' hands-off style influenced theirs to be completely different. "We were also just kinda generally neglected. Like, I was in Little League in the summer, but I had to ride my BMX bike like 45 minutes to get to practice, and I for sure had to make lunch for myself before I left home. I suspect that part of what’s going on now is a reaction to that," they wrote.

Some Millennials also shared that they intentionally don't overstimulate their kids. "This has not at all been my parenting style. To take it even further, I feel doing so is ultimately a disservice to the kids, no matter how well intended. Too many children have become dependent on constant outside stimulation," one wrote. "Too many kids are too damn busy. Learning to amuse yourself is a life skill, and parents ought to be encouraging it. Let them just be once in awhile, especially on their Summer break."

@mrjackskipper

Am I right? #relatable #parenting #90s

However, other Millennials defended their more 'involved' parenting style proudly. "I read that on average working mothers today spend more direct time with their children than stay-at-home mothers did in the 1970s. That was pretty telling to me. ETA: My point being that parents in our generation in general probably spend more time with children," one shared. And another added, "My father once bragged to me he had never changed a diaper. It was not the flex he thought it was."

One Millennial parent summarized their parenting style succinctly: "I think it's because Millennial parents see their kids as human beings and not just something they had to make and raise cause society told them to."

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Airbnb host finds unexpected benefits from not charging guests a cleaning fee

Host Rachel Boice went for a more "honest" approach with her listings—and saw major perks because of it.

@rachelrboice/TikTok

Many frustrated Airbnb customers have complained that the separate cleaning fee is a nuisance.

Airbnb defines its notorious cleaning fee as a “one-time charge” set by the host that helps them arrange anything from carpet shampoo to replenishing supplies to hiring an outside cleaning service—all in the name of ensuring guests have a “clean and tidy space.”

But as many frustrated Airbnb customers will tell you, this feature is viewed as more of a nuisance than a convenience. According to NerdWallet, the general price for a cleaning fee is around $75, but can vary greatly between listings, with some units having cleaning fees that are higher than the nightly rate (all while sometimes still being asked to do certain chores before checking out). And often none of these fees show up in the total price until right before the booking confirmation, leaving many travelers feeling confused and taken advantage of.

However, some hosts are opting to build cleaning fees into the overall price of their listings, mimicking the strategy of traditional hotels.

Rachel Boice runs two Airbnb properties in Georgia with her husband Parker—one being this fancy glass plane tiny house (seen below) that promises a perfect glamping experience.

@rachelrboice Welcome to The Tiny Glass House 🤎 #airbnbfinds #exploregeorgia #travelbucketlist #tinyhouse #glampingnotcamping #atlantageorgia #fyp ♬ Aesthetic - Tollan Kim

Like most Airbnb hosts, the Boice’s listing showed a nightly rate and separate cleaning fee. According to her interview with Insider, the original prices broke down to $89 nightly, and $40 for the cleaning fee.

But after noticing the negative response the separate fee got from potential customers, Rachel told Insider that she began charging a nightly rate that included the cleaning fee, totaling to $129 a night.

It’s a marketing strategy that more and more hosts are attempting in order to generate more bookings (people do love feeling like they’re getting a great deal) but Boice argued that the trend will also become more mainstream since the current Airbnb model “doesn’t feel honest.”

"We stay in Airbnbs a lot. I pretty much always pay a cleaning fee," Boice told Insider. "You're like: 'Why am I paying all of this money? This should just be built in for the cost.'"

Since combining costs, Rachel began noticing another unexpected perk beyond customer satisfaction: guests actually left her property cleaner than before they were charged a cleaning fee. Her hypothesis was that they assumed she would be handling the cleaning herself.

"I guess they're thinking, 'I'm not paying someone to clean this, so I'll leave it clean,'" she said.

This discovery echoes a similar anecdote given by another Airbnb host, who told NerdWallet guests who knew they were paying a cleaning fee would “sometimes leave the place looking like it’s been lived in and uncleaned for months.” So, it appears to be that being more transparent and lumping all fees into one overall price makes for a happier (and more considerate) customer.

These days, it’s hard to not be embittered by deceptive junk fees, which can seem to appear anywhere without warning—surprise overdraft charges, surcharges on credit cards, the never convenience “convenience charge” when purchasing event tickets. Junk fees are so rampant that certain measures are being taken to try to eliminate them outright in favor of more honest business approaches.

Speaking of a more honest approach—as of December 2022, AirBnb began updating its app and website so that guests can see a full price breakdown that shows a nightly rate, a cleaning fee, Airbnb service fee, discounts, and taxes before confirming their booking.

Guests can also activate a toggle function before searching for a destination, so that full prices will appear in search results—avoiding unwanted financial surprises.


This article originally appeared two years ago.

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Carl Sagan's 1988 astronomy course had nothing to do with stars. The final exam is still relevant.

"He knew critical thinking was a skill needed to tackle the world's problems."

Public Domain/Library of Congress

Carl Sagan's Astronomy 490 class had little to do with astronomy, at least on the surface.

If you signed up for a college class called Astronomy 490, you'd likely expect it to be a high level study of the cosmos. It would focus on stars, planets, galaxies, black holes, perhaps delving deeper into theories of the world's greatest astrophysicists and cosmologists. Something having to actually do with the night sky at least, right?

Famed astronomer and science communicator Carl Sagan offered Astronomy 490 at Cornell University as a senior seminar course in the 1980s, but it was nothing like what one might expect. The focus of the course wasn't stars, but "critical thinking in scientific and non-scientific contexts." The course used examples from Astronomy and other fields and case studies from the history of science as well as "borderline science and medicine, religion and politics." The idea was to help students across all fields of study to become better thinkers through logic and rhetoric and the scientific method.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Students had to be approved by Sagan in order to take the class, and they had to be "well-qualified" and prepared to "assimilate an extensive reading list" as well as participate in class discussions. The book list included textbooks on logic, reasoning, cooperation, and free thought, and class discussion topics ranged from world hunger to Affirmative Action to the Palestinian state.

The Library of Congress houses Sagan's handwritten course notes, which special curator and digital archivist Trevor Owens wrote, "include mention of the important balance between openness to new ideas and skeptical engagement with those ideas in science" and show how "he wanted to use student’s every day experience with things like television to prompt them to think more skeptically about how claims are made and warranted in everyday life."

TV, television, carl sagan, astronomy 490, critical thinking Critical thinking became even more important in the age of television. Giphy

But what was perhaps most interesting about the course is its final exam. Or rather, exams. The Library of Congress has course exams from 1986 and 1988, and they differ in what Sagan asked students to do. However, the purpose was the same: To prompt students to put to use all the critical thinking skills they had gained in the class.

In his 1986 final exam, Sagan asked students to do two thought exercises and write papers about them. The first was to comment on the pros and cons of this quote from George Bernard Shaw, written around 1921:

"Our credulity, though enormous, is not boundless; and our stock of it is quite used up by our mediums, clairvoyants, hand readers, slate writers, Christian Scientists, psycho-analysts, electronic vibration diviners, therapeutists of all schools registered and unregistered, astrologers, astronomers who tell us that the sun is nearly a hundred million miles away and that Betelgeuse is ten times as big as the whole universe, physicists who balance Betelgeuse by describing the incredible smallness of the atom, and a host of other marvel mongers whose credulity would have dissolved the Middle Ages in a roar of sceptical merriment. In the Middle Ages people believed that the earth was flat, for which they had at least the evidence of their senses: we believe it to be round, not because as many as one per cent of us could give the physical reasons for so quaint a belief, but because modern science has convinced us that nothing that is obvious is true, and that everything that is magical, improbable, extraordinary, gigantic, microscopic, heartless, or outrageous is scientific."


carl sagan, astronomy 490, critical thinking, final exam, college course First page of Carl Sagan's Astronomy 490 final exam in 1988.Library of Congress

The second part of the exam was to design and execute an experimental test of sun sign astrology (such as the daily horoscopes in the newspapers of the time). If that experiment found that evidence for sun sign astrology was poor, students were to explain its popularity. If the experiment found that evidence for sun sign astrology was fair, good, or excellent, students were to explain the scholarly disdain for it. In other words, they had to make the argument against whatever their experiment results were.

In the 1988 exam, students were asked to read "When Prophecy Fails," a short book about a UFO cult known as Clarionites (also Seekers) in the 1950s that had predicted that the end of the world would happen on December 21, 1954. Researchers followed the group to see what would happen when their predicted apocalypse didn't happen.

Sagan asked students to imagine they were part of that research team, but altered the scenario in two ways—adding a new charismatic leader rising up among the Clarionites and some natural disasters occurring on December 21, 1954.

UFO, cult, clarionites, when prophecy fails, end of the world sci-fi ufo GIF Giphy

Then he asked the students to do the following:

- Describe your best estimate of what might have happened as a result of these altered events over the next few years, informed by our readings and class discussions, including the Milgram experiments. [The Milgram experiments tested people's willingness or unwillingness to follow authority when it meant harming other people.]

- Compose a dialogue, taking place 34 years later (i.e.,now) between a believer in Clarionite intervention and a skeptic, making the best case possible for both points of view.

- What lessons, if any, can we draw?

Sagan clarified that there was no correct answer to either of the exam assignments. He simply wanted to see the students' critical thinking in action and for them to show what they'd learned with "coherency and cogency of argument."

carl sagan, astronomy 490, critical thinking, final exam, college course Second page of Astronomy 490 final exam from 1988.Library of Congress

What stands out about these exams is that they ask the students to make arguments on both sides of a controversial topic. After all, critical thinking isn't just about being skeptical or rejecting ideas in the name of science; it's also about being able to understand and construct the arguments someone would make on any side of an issue. If you understand someone's arguments well enough to create them yourself, they become much easier to deconstruct and point out the elements that don't makes sense.

In a time when people have a hard time agreeing on basic facts, conspiracy theories abound, expertise is under attack, and prejudices of all kinds easily cloud people's judgment, perhaps we can take Sagan's final Astronomy 490 goals to heart and work on sharpening our critical thinking skills.

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Man seeking divorce changes mind after losing high-paying job. Wife has a perfect response.

The tables have turned.

via Canva/Photos

A very angry woman.

A husband filed for divorce from his wife and burned bridges in the process by making incredibly disrespectful remarks to her. This came 10 months after she had their second child (the couple has six, in total). After losing his high-paying job, he turned course and asked her to take him back again. Should she take him back, given his lot in life, or hold firm and say good riddance to bad rubbish?

The situation came to a head when the husband demanded that his wife, who had a 10-month-old baby, stay in the house, instead of taking her child to a dentist appointment. She went anyway, and then the man slept in his game room for two months. He told everyone that he was divorcing his wife and went so far as to contact an attorney.

“He told me I was not the prize. I'm almost 40 and have four kids, three of whom are minors. He said he's the prize, he's in his prime, and makes good money, and any woman would love to be in my shoes and take care of his kids. He even went as far as inviting his baby mother into the house to visit while I was out,” the woman wrote on Reddit.

sad woman, upset woman, woman looking at phone, shocked woman, mad woman A sad woman looking at her phone.via Canva/Photos

Once the man had made his intentions clear, things changed quickly

“Fast forward, he loses his job and telling me to wait to move. He then starts talking nicer to me and acting differently than before,” she wrote. So what was the wife to do, take back the man who said that she was “not the prize” and that he was desirable because he had a high-paying job? Nope. She stood her ground and said he needed to leave. “I told him I was still moving out and going forward with separating because his actions did not align with someone who wanted to be with me,” she wrote.

The woman then asked the commenters if she was right to follow through with what her husband started. The commenters were overwhelmingly on her side. “He said he was done, so let's be done, even if now it's an inconvenience for him,” one of the top commenters wrote. “Sounds like YOU are the prize after all, because he's an unemployed AH who's soon to be unable to rent an apartment because he doesn't have a job. Hope his parents live close by and can take him in.”

confused man, upset man, divorced man, man wearing brown, man with questions, A dejected man.via Canva/Photos


The therapists weigh in

Upworthy spoke with Paige Harley, MA, a conflict expert with over 30 years of experience helping couples and families walk through breakups and divorce. She says the woman shouldn’t feel any guilt for her actions. “Absolutely never a reason to feel guilty about setting boundaries. However, make sure you are clear about what a boundary is and specifically what yours are,” Harley told Upworthy. “It’s hard and you will need to be the ‘bigger person’ but your future self will thank you—as you are setting the tone for what comes next.”

Dr. Najari Jeter, a licensed marriage and family therapist, relationship expert, and host of The Coupled Podcast, says there’s nothing wrong with separating, but that’s just the first step. "I would say that this woman is not in the wrong for sticking to the boundary of separation. It clearly reinforces to him that he cannot threaten the safety and stability of the relationship without a consequence,” Dr. Jeter told Upworthy. “The deeper issue is, can she separate herself from his view of reality and their marriage? Just because he says these things to her, it doesn't make them true. She may need to accept that he says these things to himself and others about her, but they aren't true--and that defending herself to him will likely get her nowhere.”

Unfortunately, the woman had to deal with a verbally abusive man who isn’t supportive of her or their combined six children. But what’s great to see is that after her husband tried to knock her down a peg and then leave her, she stood her ground and would not take him back. There’s no doubt that she also felt great support from the 1,300 people who commented on the page, with nearly all of them supporting her decision.

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