Researcher shares 'men are too feminine and women too masculine' claims dating back to the 1800s
Some of these freakouts are just wild.
Shifting gender norms and stereotypes have caused freakouts throughout modern history.
Since ancient times, people from older generations have lamented what they perceive to be a diminishment of character qualities in the younger generation. In fact, it's such a common phenomenon that scientists have studied and named it—the "kids these days" effect. And they have found, perhaps unsurprisingly, that the elders who think youngsters are oh-so-different from how they were when they were young are generally mistaken.
But this perpetual hand-wringing over perceived generational changes is not limited to kids versus adults. It manifests in all kinds of ways, including regularly scheduled moral panic over gender roles and norms (largely based on gender stereotypes).
Gender is not a simple subject, no matter how simplistic certain people try to make it. What we view as masculine or feminine comes from a complex mixture of culture, history, psychology, biology, sociology and every other lens through which we analyze the world. Additionally, those views of what is masculine and what is feminine can come with judgments and biases, resulting in all kinds of emotions and gut responses when our gender expectations and assumptions are challenged.
Paul Fairie, a senior research associate and professor at the University of Calgary, shared "A Brief History of Men Today Are Too Feminine and Women Too Masculine" on Twitter. The thread contained nothing but clippings showing people's fears about gender shifts and the year the clippings came from.
He began with 2020 and 2018, sharing what appear to be quotes from Candace Owens, Ben Shapiro and Alex Jones, three right-wing influencers who have lamented what they claim is the loss of "manly men" and masculinity.
\u201c2018\u201d— Paul Fairie (@Paul Fairie) 1663799101
It's not a new freakout, however. Fairie shared clippings from 2004, 1997, 1984, 1977, 1965, 1950, 1940 and so on—all the way back to 1886—showing people expressing concern about men becoming more feminine and women becoming more masculine.
\u201c1977\u201d— Paul Fairie (@Paul Fairie) 1663799101
"Women's-lib stuff" being blamed for the "wimping" of America isn't surprising to see, but living in high-rise apartments causing men to be effeminate is a new one.
\u201c1925\u201d— Paul Fairie (@Paul Fairie) 1663799104
Apparently lilac pajamas were considered totally unmanly, despite purple traditionally being the color of kings. Huh.
\u201c1910\u201d— Paul Fairie (@Paul Fairie) 1663799440
Ah yes, the century-old women in sports controversy. "IN NO OTHER COUNTRY IN THE WORLD DO YOU SEE SUCH MASCULINE-LIKE FIGURES AS THE AMERICAN WOMEN HAVE." OK, calm down, John Alexander from 1910. If you'd lived another 110 years, you'd see how much time and energy you wasted worrying about this.
\u201c1886\u201d— Paul Fairie (@Paul Fairie) 1663800025
This one from 1886 is fabulous, just for the language. "Women are growing more dashing." (Can we go back to using the word "dashing" more often? Great word.)
So much of this sounds so familiar, doesn't it? Fretting over changes in fashion, wigging out over women advancing in athletics and wailing over what will become of men and women if people exhibit varying degrees of traditionally masculine or feminine traits.
Some of this is to be expected, as we've witnessed humanity moving closer and closer to recognizing gender equality. While equality doesn't mean sameness, much of what we view as masculine or feminine is wrapped up in patriarchal views of gender roles, and the dismantling of patriarchal systems and expectations will naturally disrupt those views. Judgments over masculinity and femininity are also wrapped up in homophobia and transphobia, so greater inclusion and acceptance of LGBTQ+ people are throwing those judgments into disarray as well.
None of that is a bad thing. We don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater and ditch the concepts of masculinity and femininity altogether, but we do need to acknowledge that many of the things people fret over when it comes to gender are just silly.
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12 non-threatening leadership strategies for women
We mustn't hurt a man's feelings.
Men and the feels.
Note: This an excerpt is from Sarah Cooper's book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings.
In this fast-paced business world, female leaders need to make sure they're not perceived as pushy, aggressive, or competent.
One way to do that is to alter your leadership style to account for the fragile male ego.
Should men accept powerful women and not feel threatened by them? Yes. Is that asking too much?
IS IT?
Sorry, I didn't mean to get aggressive there. Anyhoo, here are twelve non-threatening leadership strategies for women.
Encourage.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When setting a deadline, ask your coworker what he thinks of doing something, instead of just asking him to get it done. This makes him feel less like you're telling him what to do and more like you care about his opinions.
Sharing ideas.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When sharing your ideas, overconfidence is a killer. You don't want your male coworkers to think you're getting all uppity. Instead, downplay your ideas as just "thinking out loud," "throwing something out there," or sharing something "dumb," "random," or "crazy."
Email requests.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pepper your emails with exclamation marks and emojis so you don't come across as too clear or direct. Your lack of efficient communication will make you seem more approachable.
Idea sharing.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
If a male coworker steals your idea in a meeting, thank him for it. Give him kudos for how he explained your idea so clearly. And let's face it, no one might've ever heard it if he hadn't repeated it.
Sexism.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you hear a sexist comment, the awkward laugh is key. Practice your awkward laugh at home, with your friends and family, and in the mirror. Make sure you sound truly delighted even as your soul is dying inside.
Mansplain.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Men love explaining things. But when he's explaining something and you already know that, it might be tempting to say, "I already know that." Instead, have him explain it to you over and over again. It will make him feel useful and will give you some time to think about how to avoid him in the future.
Mistakes.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Pointing out a mistake is always risky so it's important to always apologize for noticing the mistake and then make sure that no one thinks you're too sure about it. People will appreciate your "hey what do I know?!" sensibilities.
Promotions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Asking your manager for a promotion could make you seem power- hungry, opportunistic, and transparent. Instead, ask a male coworker to vouch for you. Have your coworker tell your manager you'd be great for the role even though you don't really want it. This will make you more likely to actually get that promotion.
Rude.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Sometimes not everyone is properly introduced at the start of a meeting. Don't take it personally even if it happens to you all the time, and certainly don't stop the meeting from moving forward to introduce yourself. Sending a quick note afterward is the best way to introduce yourself without seeming too self-important.
Interruptions.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When you get interrupted, you might be tempted to just continue talking or even ask if you can finish what you were saying. This is treacherous territory. Instead, simply stop talking. The path of least resistance is silence.
Collaboration.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When collaborating with a man, type using only one finger. Skill and speed are very off-putting.
Disagreements.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
When all else fails, wear a mustache so everyone sees you as more man-like. This will cancel out any need to change your leadership style. In fact, you may even get a quick promotion!
In conclusion...
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
Many women have discovered the secret power of non-threatening leadership. We call it a "secret power" because no one else actually knows about it. We keep our power hidden within ourselves so that it doesn't frighten and intimidate others. That's what makes us the true unsung heroes of the corporate world.
About the Author: Sarah Cooper
Sarah Cooper is a writer, comedian, and author of 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings. Her new book, How to Be Successful Without Hurting Men's Feelings, is out now.
The comedic book cover.
With permission from Sarah Cooper.
A satirical take on what it's like to be a woman in the workplace, Cooper draws from her experience as a former executive in the world of tech (she's a former Googler and Yahooer). You can get the book here.
This article was originally published on March 25, 2019.