Before you share an MLK quote, understand that you’re quoting a proud political radical

Every year around Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, social media feeds get flooded with memes bearing Dr. King’s face and words—snapshots of the man with a snippet of his message, wrapped neatly in a square package, easily digested by the masses. We get bombarded by the “not by the color of their skin, but by…

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ArrayPhoto credit: Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash

Every year around Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, social media feeds get flooded with memes bearing Dr. King’s face and words—snapshots of the man with a snippet of his message, wrapped neatly in a square package, easily digested by the masses.

We get bombarded by the “not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” quote we all know and love. We get hit with “darkness cannot drive out darkness” memes that keep us feeling cozy in our comfort zones. We see “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear,” over and over, and nod our heads in placid agreement. People of all stripes share MLK quotes that give us all the warm fuzzies, and we think, “Wow, what an amazing, peaceful, universally beloved man.”


But there are two big problems with such memes.

1) Sharing one or two sentences drastically dilutes Dr. King’s legacy, turning his core message into a socially neutral, politically palatable, let’s-all-hold-hands-and-skip-together philosophy—one that challenges no one and betrays the radical reality of his work.

2) Such a whitewashing of King’s message enables people to share his words in a way that actually upholds or overlooks the very injustices he was trying to fight.

RELATED: Steve Bannon claimed MLK would be proud of Trump. King’s daughter shut him down.

For example, I’ve seen people say that people should be “judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” as an argument against Affirmative Action-type programs. I’ve seen people say “hate cannot drive out hate” while mischaracterizing a calling out of racial injustice as hatred. I’ve seen people quote King’s “I have a dream” speech while asserting that talking about racism just perpetuates racism—an assertion King simply didn’t abide.

People frequently twist King’s words to fit their worldview, and in doing so, dishonor the man and his fight for true justice. The radical nature of his message seems to have been watered down into what people think he was—a gentle leader who advocated a non-violent approach to fighting for equality—instead of what he actually was—a passionate disrupter who constantly pushed boundaries and pulled no punches when calling out injustices of all kinds. Many Americans today would undoubtedly call him a “race-baiter” at best, and an “extremist thug” at worst.

We mustn’t forget that King was considered a radical and a criminal, by both the U.S. government and much of mainstream America, during his lifetime. At the height of his activism, nearly two-thirds of Americans had an unfavorable opinion of King. And that disapproval didn’t just come from the openly racist South. After being hit with a rock at a desegregation march in Chicago, King remarked, “I have seen many demonstrations in the South, but I have never seen anything so hostile and so hateful as I’ve seen here today.”

King had strong words for those of us who think we’re not racist. When I first read King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail—his response to a group of clergymen who agreed with his antiracism sentiments but criticized his “extreme” methods—I was blown away. I remember thinking that my education about Dr. King had been sorely lacking, that I’d never learned how much criticism he’d faced and how frequently he was considered an extremist by white moderates, and that I had no idea how he had directly challenged white Americans of goodwill. (In other words, people like me.)

The least we can do to honor King’s life is to go beyond popular one-liners, take the time to read one of his most important works, and to meditate on the challenges he presented to us. You can read King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail in its entirety here, but I’ve included some excerpts below that highlight some of its main points.

For example, this passage explaining how peaceful activism doesn’t mean avoiding tension and crisis:

“You may well ask: ‘Why direct action? Why sit ins, marches and so forth? Isn’t negotiation a better path?’ You are quite right in calling for negotiation. Indeed, this is the very purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and foster such a tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent resister may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word ‘tension.’ I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, so must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood. The purpose of our direct action program is to create a situation so crisis packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation.”

RELATED: Ad execs probably should have read the full MLK speech before making that commercial.

Or this passage about the “timing” of taking action against injustice:

“We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was ‘well timed’ in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word ‘Wait!’ It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This ‘Wait’ has almost always meant ‘Never.’ We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that ‘justice too long delayed is justice denied.’”

Many people who praise Dr. King would have called him a criminal if he were still alive today, as he advocated breaking unjust laws:

“One may well ask: ‘How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?’ The answer lies in the fact that there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that ‘an unjust law is no law at all.’”

He added that a just law can sometimes be applied unjustly, and that how one violates a law matters:

“Sometimes a law is just on its face and unjust in its application. For instance, I have been arrested on a charge of parading without a permit. Now, there is nothing wrong in having an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade. But such an ordinance becomes unjust when it is used to maintain segregation and to deny citizens the First-Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and protest.

I hope you are able to see the distinction I am trying to point out. In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law, as would the rabid segregationist. That would lead to anarchy. One who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty. I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law.”

In addition, he pointed out that some of history’s most unjust acts were legal, while some of the most righteous acts were illegal:

“We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was ‘legal’ and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was ‘illegal.’ It was ‘illegal’ to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler’s Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. If today I lived in a Communist country where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I would openly advocate disobeying that country’s antireligious laws.”

One of the most important points King makes in this letter is how white moderates who put law and order over justice do as much, if not more, harm to the cause of justice as outright racists:

“I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to ‘order’ than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: ‘I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action’; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a ‘more convenient season.’ Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress. I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that the present tension in the South is a necessary phase of the transition from an obnoxious negative peace, in which the Negro passively accepted his unjust plight, to a substantive and positive peace, in which all men will respect the dignity and worth of human personality. Actually, we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured.”

How about this bit about “the appalling silence of the good people”?

“We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co workers with God, and without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right.”

And finally, some words about law and order and the role of the police in “preventing violence”:

“Before closing I feel impelled to mention one other point in your statement that has troubled me profoundly. You warmly commended the Birmingham police force for keeping ‘order’ and ‘preventing violence.’ I doubt that you would have so warmly commended the police force if you had seen its dogs sinking their teeth into unarmed, nonviolent Negroes. I doubt that you would so quickly commend the policemen if you were to observe their ugly and inhumane treatment of Negroes here in the city jail; if you were to watch them push and curse old Negro women and young Negro girls; if you were to see them slap and kick old Negro men and young boys; if you were to observe them, as they did on two occasions, refuse to give us food because we wanted to sing our grace together. I cannot join you in your praise of the Birmingham police department…

I wish you had commended the Negro sit inners and demonstrators of Birmingham for their sublime courage, their willingness to suffer and their amazing discipline in the midst of great provocation. One day the South will recognize its real heroes.”

As King’s daughter, Bernice, pointed out on his birthday, January 15, “The authentic, comprehensive King makes power uneasy & privilege unhinged.” Such a description makes one wonder how Dr. King would be regarded today if he had lived and continued to directly call out the racial injustice that still exists in our society.

  • A woman was surprised with a party bus for her 60th birthday. She immediately took it to see her own mom battling dementia.
    Mom Michelle celebrates her 60th birthday on a surprise party bus and takes it to visit her mom Jackie, who has dementia and lives in assisted living.Photo credit: TikTok/@daniix3dee (with permission)
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    A woman was surprised with a party bus for her 60th birthday. She immediately took it to see her own mom battling dementia.

    There is only one way to celebrate turning 60—on a party bus. That’s what Danielle DeBernardi and her sister were thinking when they booked one for their mom, Michelle. After the family gathered to celebrate the milestone birthday at a friend’s home, Danielle and her sister had one more surprise waiting outside—a party bus full…

    There is only one way to celebrate turning 60—on a party bus. That’s what Danielle DeBernardi and her sister were thinking when they booked one for their mom, Michelle.

    After the family gathered to celebrate the milestone birthday at a friend’s home, Danielle and her sister had one more surprise waiting outside—a party bus full of family and friends.

    In a series of touching videos, Danielle documented Michelle’s epic 60th birthday, which ended with a tear-jerking visit to a nursing home to see Jackie (a.k.a. Juju), the family matriarch battling dementia.

    @daniix3dee

    Mom asked if the party bus could go see My grandma in a nursing rehab facility. She has dementia and Alzheimer’s. She was dead asleep when we showed up at 10pm with 10ppl standing in her room ready to party 😂 #motherdaughter #birthdaygirl #queen #nursinghome #partybus

    ♬ Because You Loved Me – Charlotte Ave

    The party bus surprise

    The party bus pulls up as Michelle and her husband wait outside, and when she sees it, Michelle looks shocked. “Is this us?” she asks her daughter, before quipping, “Is there a dancing man in there?”

    When the doors open and she steps on, all 10 of her closest people inside yell, “Surprise!” Michelle appears overwhelmed with emotion and starts hugging each person on the bus.

    They take Michelle to dinner, and then Michelle has a special request: to go visit Juju.

    @daniix3dee

    Get that party bus !!! Happy 60th birthday mom! We love you so much!! #partybus #60thbirthday #mom #party #letsgo

    ♬ original sound – Danielle DeBernardi

    The nursing home visit

    The ladies are living it up on the bus. They can be seen singing and dancing to songs like Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.”

    Once they arrive at the nursing home, it’s all about Juju. Michelle can be seen sitting on her mom’s bed. Then she hops in with her, feeding her Häagen-Dazs ice cream and laughing together.

    “POV: you get your mom a party bus for her 60th birthday and you ask her where she wants to go, and she says she wants to go see her mom at the nursing facility so you pull up in a party bus with 10 people at 10:00 at night and all go inside to see juju,” Danielle captioned the video.

    It’s a moment Danielle and the family will never forget.

    “Having four generations together in that nursing home room for my mom’s 60th birthday meant more than words can fully express,” Danielle tells Upworthy.

    She continues, “Seeing my mom, her mother, myself and my daughter all in one place was such a powerful reminder of love, family, and the moments that truly matter. It was simple, but incredibly meaningful—a memory I’ll carry in my heart forever.”

    @daniix3dee

    Replying to @tranquil_tributes your wish is my command 🥰 the video with no music #motherdaughter #nursinghome #partybus #queen #60thbirthday

    ♬ original sound – Danielle DeBernardi

    Viewers react

    The sweet video struck an emotional chord with viewers, who shared their thoughts in the comments:

    “60 years ago, they sat in a hospital similar to this situation and your grandma fed her. What a beautiful full circle moment!!! 😭😭😭”

    “Made me sob! I’d give anything to be able to go see my mom on my 60th. God bless your mom and grandmother ❤️❤️❤️”

    “I hope my kids still love me this much some day 🥹”

    “Aww..she just wanted her momma🥹🥰”

    “At the end of the day, no matter the age, we all just want our mamas.”

    “What I would do to lay in a bed with my momma again🥺 What an awesome moment for them 2.”

    “Im SOBBING 😭😭😭😭 Life is precious, short, and should be celebrated with ppl who MATTER…. MOMMAS MATTER!”

  • A woman didn’t think she had an accent. A linguist proved her wrong with just one word.
    Who knew the word "bagel" was an accent giveaway?Photo credit: Canva
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    A woman didn’t think she had an accent. A linguist proved her wrong with just one word.

    If you travel around the United States, you’ll find that Americans sound different everywhere you go. If you go from Boston to Birmingham, you’ll hear a big contrast in dialects and accents. Going from Seattle to San Diego, the differences would be much smaller, but they’d still be there. Some people don’t think they have…

    If you travel around the United States, you’ll find that Americans sound different everywhere you go. If you go from Boston to Birmingham, you’ll hear a big contrast in dialects and accents. Going from Seattle to San Diego, the differences would be much smaller, but they’d still be there.

    Some people don’t think they have an accent at all. It’s common for Americans outside the South and Northeast to believe they speak “normally,” unaware of the geographic “tells” in how they pronounce certain words. But as linguist Carson Woody demonstrates, sometimes just a single word can reveal where in the U.S. a person is from.

    A woman shared a social media trend in which people say three words that supposedly indicate where they’re from. She said she didn’t think she had an accent, but she only got as far as saying “bagel.” That’s okay, Woody said, because that was all he needed to clock her hometown.

    “Baby girl, you sound like the Pope,” Woody said. Sure enough, like Pope Leo XIV, she’s from Chicago.

    Woody said he understood what she meant when she said she didn’t think she had an accent.

    “A lot of people use the term ‘accent’ when referring to someone who has a distinct accent from them,” he said. “Like, ‘You have an accent, I don’t. Because you’re not from here and I am.’ You’re saying you don’t think you have an identifiable, regional accent. But linguistically, when we say, ‘an accent,’ what we’re talking about is just how you pronounce things. If you speak, you have an accent.”

    He explained that the way she pronounced the “a” in “bagel” gave away her location. He also shared that none of the various pronunciations of words are right or wrong.

    “Every accent, every dialect, every language, the way everybody speaks around the world are all equally valid and beautiful,” he said.

    What’s the difference between an accent and a dialect?

    As Woody said, an accent is the way words are pronounced. A dialect is broader, encompassing not only pronunciation but also grammar and vocabulary.

    So just how many dialects are there in American English? More than you might think. It’s hard to pin down an exact number because it depends on how broad or specific you want to get. Linguists recognize somewhere between three and 24 (or more) distinct American English dialects in the U.S. Within those dialects, there are hyperlocal pronunciation variations as well.

    For instance, there are some commonalities among Midwestern accents, but someone from Chicago will pronounce certain words differently than someone from northern Minnesota.

    Woody even shared how a dialect can practically—and in some cases actually—become a totally different language:

    Everybody has one

    As Woody pointed out, everyone has an accent. People in the comments even shared some metaphors that help illustrate this point:

    “Saying, ‘I don’t speak with an accent’ is like saying ‘I don’t type with a font.’”

    “Someone told me once to think of accents like fonts, you can’t really write or type without a font lol, everyone has their own accent that shows your heritage, family, origins, or even sometimes your personality. Humans are pretty cool.”

    “‘I don’t have an accent, everyone else does.’ ‘I don’t have a location, everyone else does.’ Same energy.”

    “If you eat you have a diet, and if you speak you have an accent.”

    “I had a professor years ago (ASL grammar) who could tell what part of the country someone was from or where they went to college by how they signed or finger spelled words. Even sign languages have accents!”

    And if you’re wondering what the other two words were that supposedly help indicate where you’re from, they’re “milk” and “eggs.” Apparently, ordering breakfast gives a lot away. Isn’t language fun?

    You can follow Carson Woody on YouTube for more linguistics fun.

  • Wife finds an incredibly clever way to find her husband buried in an avalanche
    Michael Harris before the avalanche. Photo credit: GoFundMe
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    Wife finds an incredibly clever way to find her husband buried in an avalanche

    Michael Harris was on his final run on the ski slopes at Stevens Pass in the Cascade Mountains on February 26 when tragedy struck—he was caught in an avalanche. “Because I was on skis, I got caught between two slabs,” he told FOX 13 Seattle. Harris was buried in a snow hole and remained upright.…

    Michael Harris was on his final run on the ski slopes at Stevens Pass in the Cascade Mountains on February 26 when tragedy struck—he was caught in an avalanche.

    “Because I was on skis, I got caught between two slabs,” he told FOX 13 Seattle.

    Harris was buried in a snow hole and remained upright. He tried to free himself by making a swimming motion, but he couldn’t budge. “The sensation was being encased in cement,” he said.

    He was packed so tightly that he couldn’t even grab the phone from his jacket pocket. His wife, Penny, sensed something was wrong when she hadn’t heard from him. “I started freaking out,” she told WSAW-TV. “My texts got more intense, and then I started calling.”

    Harris could feel his phone buzzing in his pocket, but there was nothing he could do. “My mind shifted very quickly to ‘does anyone know that I’m here and how am I going to survive?’” he said.

    Stevens Pass, snow, avalanche, tree, Washington, skiing
    Stevens Pass. Photo credit: Michael Greenlee/Flickr

    Penny had a brilliant solution

    Penny checked the Find My feature on her phone to see whether her husband had moved on the mountain. But his location was static—not typical for a skier. Realizing that if he wasn’t moving, something was very wrong, she contacted the ski patrol and gave them his location. “They were able to take my location and get a snapshot of it and pinpoint pretty much where he was,” she said.

    After being stuck in the snow for four hours, Harris was rescued. Ski patrol was shocked to find him still conscious. Harris’ body temperature had dropped into the 70s, and he was severely hypothermic. Throughout the harrowing experience, all he could think about was his family.

    “The thing I was hoping is that I’d get to see her [his wife] and my four kids one more time,” he said. “They were the only thing I thought about.”

    Harris was alive, but he sustained several serious injuries in the avalanche. His daughter, Lauren, posted an update on GoFundMe about his condition. “A full trauma was called,” she wrote. “After various labs and imaging, my dad only sustained a contusion of his lung, pneumonia, injuries to his kidneys, and a right tibial plateau fracture.”

    snow, avalanche, tree, Washington, skiing, hospital,
    Michael Harris in the hospital. Photo credit: GoFundMe

    The avalanche came at a terrible time for the family

    Harris is expected to make a full recovery, but his injuries couldn’t have come at a worse time. He is currently between jobs, and his recovery will delay any return to work. So, his family set up a GoFundMe page to help them through this difficult time. It has already raised over $36,000 toward a goal of $40,000.

    “I have started a GoFundMe to try and help alleviate some of the medical costs as well additional bills for my family as my dad is the sole provider, and we are unsure how long the road to recovery actually looks. Literally anything helps,” Lauren wrote. 

    When someone is caught in an avalanche and encased in freezing snow, time is of the essence. According to Safeback, about 75% of avalanche deaths occur due to suffocation, and after roughly ten minutes of being trapped in the snow, the risk of asphyxiation increases rapidly.

    Amazingly, Harris survived four hours in freezing conditions without passing out. What a blessing that his quick-thinking wife was able to locate him before he lost his life in the snow.

  • Gen Xers and Boomers recall 18 unforgettable sounds and smells from the ’80s that disappeared
    A landline telephone and a lit cigar.Photo credit: Canva
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    Gen Xers and Boomers recall 18 unforgettable sounds and smells from the ’80s that disappeared

    There are certain sounds and smells that exist across generations, at least so far. The pitter-patter of gentle rain. The musical notes of a bluebird. The scent of sea life in a vast ocean. The fragrant waft of a honeysuckle flower. But many sensory experiences fade with time. A guy on Threads was curious about…

    There are certain sounds and smells that exist across generations, at least so far. The pitter-patter of gentle rain. The musical notes of a bluebird. The scent of sea life in a vast ocean. The fragrant waft of a honeysuckle flower. But many sensory experiences fade with time.

    A guy on Threads was curious about the idea that certain sounds and smells might be specific to different generations. He asked, “What is a sound or smell that doesn’t exist anymore, but 40 years ago was so common it was considered background noise?” Generation Xers and Baby Boomers were ready to answer, offering nearly 4,000 replies.

    Sounds

    “Television static or the sound between radio stations.”

    Here’s a fun fact: In a recent article on WION, journalist Anamica Singh explains that TV and radio static contain remnants of the Big Bang:

    “The static hiss contained at least 1 percent of cosmic microwave background (CMB), a remnant of the birth of the universe 13.8 billion years ago. Not only on TV, but the same noise was also heard on radios. Everyone alive at the time these analogue televisions existed inadvertently time-traveled, in the sense that they witnessed the Big Bang, the universe’s past.”

    “The sound of coins falling into a payphone.”

    “The dial tone when the phone was left off the hook.”

    “The thump of plopping a phone book on the table, followed by the whispery sound of flipping its onion-skin paper pages, and finally the whir-click of dialing a rotary phone.”

    “Typewriter bells.”

    “The sound it made when you push a VHS tape into the VCR.”

    “The sound of the book-charging machine at the library that the librarian would insert the card into to date your books. Made the most satisfying cha-chunk sound.”

    “An analog radio with an extendable antenna sitting in the window ledge, playing a crackly country song by Hank Jr., and the hum of static on TV because somebody touched the dial.”

    Smells

    “The faint but pervasive smell of cigarettes everywhere all the time.”

    A no smoking sign in a restaurant. Photo credit: Canva

    Notably, cities began passing comprehensive laws regulating tobacco use in public spaces. In the mid-1970s, Minnesota enacted one of the first laws requiring restaurants to designate a “smoking area.” By the late 1980s, many other cities and states had followed suit.

    “The hot, dusty aroma of slide projectors and filmstrip machines projecting weird 1960s/70s educational films, floating through the classroom while you were passing notes under desks”

    “The smell of freshly printed dittos.”

    What these commenters are referring to are “ditto” copy machines, often used in schools and churches in the late 20th century.

    “The sound and smell of a disposable flash.”

    “Scratch ‘n’ sniff stickers!”

    “Drakkar Noir”

    This intense scent, a particularly popular men’s cologne in the ’80s, was mentioned a few times.

    Another commenter shared a very specific memory:

    “A Norman Rockwell calendar secured by a pearl-topped push-pin next to a ringing rotary phone, and the calendar smells like bacon grease and fried chicken.”

  • A dad who lost his young son to cancer shared a note on male grief that has gone massively viral
    A father and his young son hold hands while walking.Photo credit: Representative image via Canva
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    A dad who lost his young son to cancer shared a note on male grief that has gone massively viral

    Grief is an unfortunately universal and often inescapable feeling. Yet, due to certain societal norms, it can be harder for some people to embrace or fully work through than for others. In a Reddit post titled “100% Really Sucks,” a man wrote: “About ten years ago, our at the time 9-year-old son died of cancer.…

    Grief is an unfortunately universal and often inescapable feeling. Yet, due to certain societal norms, it can be harder for some people to embrace or fully work through than for others.

    In a Reddit post titled “100% Really Sucks,” a man wrote:

    “About ten years ago, our at the time 9-year-old son died of cancer. Hundreds of people asked my wife how she was doing, offered her support, etc. Lots of people asked me how she was doing, how the kids were doing, and how I had to be strong for her and our two remaining kids. Only a few close male friends asked how I was doing. Not one of my female friends did. Not even my mother. It never occurred to them.

    That really sucked. Not because I don’t think my wife deserved support. Of course she did – but so did I.”

    Reddit post. Photo credit: StreetKindly3614/Reddit

    The good news is that the OP bravely began a difficult discussion that seemed to resonate deeply with many people. The post received over 90,000 upvotes and 2.6 thousand comments. Clearly, people seem ready to talk about it.

    One Redditor noted that they shared a similar experience: “My wife and I divorced – after our marriage she chose drugs and alcohol and I chose to be a dad. People still ask me all the time how she’s doing through everything. She still gets invited to parent/kid meet ups even though the kids live with me 7 days a week. It’s unfair.”

    Another commenter added the importance of including men when an entire family needs support, writing, “It absolutely is unfair. I hope future generations will learn to be more supportive after seeing more great dads in action!”

    What was even more encouraging was that the Reddit community came together not only to commiserate but also to offer hopeful suggestions.

    Another commenter pointed out a similar situation, sharing, “We had a house fire. Lost everything. People in the community donated so many clothes and toiletries for my wife and kids. But nothing for me. One year later and I’m still struggling with wardrobe choices.”

    This Redditor was ready to help, writing, “What size do you wear bro? I have some nice clothes that I never wear I’d be happy to have dry cleaned and sent your way.”

    Not everyone, thankfully, had the same experience, though the post helped some feel a sense of gratitude:

    “My word, reading these comments just makes me appreciate my wife and my mom all the more. They actually support me when I let them know I am hurting or depressed.

    I do have to vocalize that I want the support in the moment because my wife will pick up on the fact that I’m down almost immediately and I’ll tell her I’m just having a down day. I don’t really deal with very bad depression but I do have days where it gets bad and she’s always there for me.

    When I was growing up, my mom never dismissed my feelings, never told me to ‘act like a man’.

    I’m so sorry to hear all of your stories of your struggles. I wish the best for all of you out there dealing with this type of stuff.”

    Society needs to encourage men to open up

    In the article “The Problem of Male Grief” for Psychology Today, Nick Norman, LICSW, discusses what he refers to as a “silent epidemic” among men.

    “According to the CDC, 1 in 10 men experiences anxiety or depression, but less than half reach out for help,” Norman wrote. “They are less likely to seek help for mental or emotional difficulties overall.”

    Norman seems to hit the nail right on the head when it comes to the Reddit post:

    “While there are common ways that men respond to grief, that does not mean that they are actually processing their emotions or coming to a healthy resolution. The real issue is not that men have some other means or manner of grieving. It is that the Western cultural expectation of men discourages grieving altogether.”

    He offered suggestions for men to create healthy spaces for one another:

    “The unspoken rules of oppressive masculinity often lead men to shame those who dare step outside of the limited emotional box we’re given. In this way, we become enemies of our brothers and create more pain when what we need is support. Although we may struggle with our own discomfort, we need to stop shaming other men for weeping and feeling authentically. We have enough challenges in this work. We owe it to one another to buoy each other up, or at least grant each other silent respect.”

    Mindfulness can help

    Jeanette Lorandini, LCSW, founder of Suffolk DBT in New York, spoke to Upworthy about the issue:

    “From a DBT [Dialectical Behavior Therapy] perspective, many boys grow up in environments where their emotions are invalidated. They are often taught very early that showing sadness or vulnerability is a sign of weakness and that they should ‘be strong.’ Over time, this can lead men to learn how to hide their emotions rather than understand or process them. They may become skilled at making their feelings invisible to others, but that does not mean those feelings are not there.”

    To counter this, Lorandini suggested men practice mindfulness to help process their emotions:

    “Mindfulness, a core component of DBT, encourages people to slow down, notice their emotional experience, and give themselves permission to feel sadness rather than push it away. We call that mindfulness of current emotion. When someone does not give themselves these important moments to grieve, they develop what we call inhibitive grief. It doesn’t go away but remains in a ‘holding cell.’ While it may not be a literal prison, it won’t go away until it is experienced. It often will show up in ways such as anger, substance use, working excessively, heavy screen time, or other maladaptive behaviors.”

    She added, “Grief does not require someone to fall apart, but it does require space to be felt. Learning to experience sadness in manageable moments, while continuing to move forward at a balanced pace, can help men process loss in a way that honors both their emotional needs and their role within their family.”

  • Tech strategist shares why algorithms killed ‘taste’ and where to find it now
    A woman at the bookstore and another on her phone.Photo credit: Canva
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    Tech strategist shares why algorithms killed ‘taste’ and where to find it now

    There has been a cultural shift over the past year or so: being at the forefront of social media and Internet culture—or being “chronically online”—is now frowned upon. It’s similar to the ’90s, when bragging about how much TV you watched could get you accused of lacking personality or having lowbrow taste. These days, bragging…

    There has been a cultural shift over the past year or so: being at the forefront of social media and Internet culture—or being “chronically online”—is now frowned upon. It’s similar to the ’90s, when bragging about how much TV you watched could get you accused of lacking personality or having lowbrow taste. These days, bragging about bed-rotting and doomscrolling is akin to being a proud couch potato.

    Why are the chronically online backing away from their iPhones and calling TikTok trend followers tacky? It all comes down to the delivery system.

    In a viral Instagram post, Carmen Vicente, a social strategist in tech, says the shift began when the Internet changed from a place where savvy people pursued their interests on their own to one where culture was spoon-fed through algorithms. There’s a huge difference between sitting at the cultural trough and waiting to be fed by Meta and going out to discover what you authentically enjoy.

    The point is simple: You will never cultivate authentic taste in culture, art, movies, music, fashion, or food if your appetite is curated algorithmically.

    “Fifteen years ago, it required effort and curiosity to discover cool stuff on the Internet,” Vicente says. “But now, and since the advent of algorithms that hinge on economic metrics of success, looking away or elsewhere is the thing that requires effort and curiosity.”

    Vicente continues:

    “Personally speaking, I think taste is the result of your cultural inputs. And to develop good taste, we need to consume a diversity of inputs beyond just the confines of our modern suggestion engines. Simply put, the algorithms are controlled by the institutions. The institutions need to maximize shareholder value. And the more time you spend drinking the Kool-Aid from these fire hoses, the looser your grasp becomes on what is truly interesting, substantive, or moving.”

    A woman scrolling in bed. Photo credit: Canva

    There are myriad definitions of taste, but it’s generally seen as the ability to appreciate things that are culturally and aesthetically valuable.

    In his essay “Of the Standard of Taste,” philosopher David Hume argues that taste is a byproduct of a life rich in experience: “Strong sense, united to delicate sentiment, improved by practice, perfected by comparison, and cleared of all prejudice, can alone entitle critics to this valuable character.”

    Therefore, true taste can’t be developed without real-world experience and cultural inputs that go far beyond what’s delivered via smartphone.

    taste, books, culture, scrolling, algorithms, internet
    A woman at an exercise class. Photo credit: Canva

    The lesson here isn’t hard to figure out: it’s about a life lived shopping in brick-and-mortar stores, spending time outdoors, practicing hobbies that don’t involve screens, and reading books while in the dentist’s waiting room. There are so many incredible cultural treasures we can experience only by being in physical places with real people—where you can stumble upon life-changing culture by accident.

    Taste is a touchy subject, hard to separate from social status, because it often requires resources and connections to access many aspects of culture. However, that’s not an excuse to judge those who strive for an expansive, more refined sense of taste—or who hope others will join them on that journey—as merely performative.

  • A woman in the Philippines filmed herself kissing her knee. The reaction was universal.
    Do you ever kiss your own knee?Photo credit: Canva
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    A woman in the Philippines filmed herself kissing her knee. The reaction was universal.

    Humanity is delightfully diverse, yet we’re also wonderfully the same. For all our differences, many of our fundamental needs, desires, and impulses are universal. One of those impulses? Kissing our own knees, apparently. A six-second TikTok video shared by a young woman in the Philippines demonstrating the phenomenon went wildly viral, racking up more than…

    Humanity is delightfully diverse, yet we’re also wonderfully the same. For all our differences, many of our fundamental needs, desires, and impulses are universal.

    One of those impulses? Kissing our own knees, apparently. A six-second TikTok video shared by a young woman in the Philippines demonstrating the phenomenon went wildly viral, racking up more than 18 million views and 2.7 million likes.

    Rasta G. simply sits on a chair with one foot up on the seat. She suddenly looks down, notices her knee, then gently kisses it. People all around the world said, “Wait, I’m not the only one who does this?”

    Who knew kissing your own knee was such a universal impulse?

    Comment after comment revealed that people do this but had no idea others did, too:

    “So I’m not a weirdo?”

    “I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.”

    “TikTok slowly make me realize I’m not the only weird one. We ALL weird. 😂”

    “HAHAHAHA why you exposing us.”

    “I knew before you did it.”

    “I’m never alone in my weird experiences. 😭”

    “Not a single unique experience 😭.”

    “More proof that nothing I do is unique and I’m not weird. Thank you. 🙏🙏”

    “So in conclusion we’re all the same just in different fonts.”

    “Kissing knees is universal.”

    “I’m cracking up omg we are all connected.”

    Indeed, others have publicly shared the impulse as well:

    Why, though? What is it about having our knee in our face that makes us want to kiss it? People weighed in on that, too:

    “I have a theory: I think it’s because we don’t see him often so as soon as we see him, we kiss him to show our affection.”

    “I don’t see her often, might as well.”

    “‘Oh haven‘t seen you in a while. 😙’”

    “Its like a long distance relationship.”

    “A lil kiss for encouragement, cause they don’t work very well but they’re doing their best 😅”

    “I mean they help you walk ,so a little thank you😌.”

    “I feel so maternal about my knees.”

    “It’s like kissing your baby’s head.”

    @itsabbywenzel

    why is it every time i sit like this i want to kiss my knee???🫠

    ♬ original sound – user

    Many people said they do the same thing with their shoulders:

    “I do this to my shoulders too 🥹”

    “I’m like that with my bare shoulder hahah – feels comfortable.”

    “I do this 😩. Like I love seeing my shoulder all shiny and smooth. Deserves a kiss fr.”

    Theories about why we kiss our own knees (and shoulders)

    Of course, not everyone does this. But apparently, a whole lot of us do. And the reason why isn’t entirely clear. There are no studies on the subject, and there don’t appear to be masses of people asking their therapists about this habit. It’s just something we do, and people pointed to several potential reasons why:

    • The roundness of our knee looks like a baby’s head. Shoulders do, too—kind of. Perhaps seeing it so close to our face evokes the same urge we get to kiss babies on the top of the head. It could simply be a biological urge being triggered.
    A woman kisses a baby on the top of the head
    Baby heads are irresistibly kissable. Photo credit: Canva
    • It’s a self-soothing behavior. When we were little, our moms, dads, or other caregivers may have kissed our boo-boos, and kids get a lot of boo-boos on their knees. So some of us may automatically associate gentle kisses on the knee with comfort.
    • It’s a way to show our bodies love and gratitude. A lot of the sentiment in the comments is that we don’t really see our knees very often, which is true. So when one is close to our face, we may be reminded of what they do for us. Ask someone with knee problems how important our knees are. It’s a good reminder to give them a little thank-you for their hard work.
    • We’re weird, but no weirder than anyone else. Maybe we’re all just quirky little humans who do random things for no good reason whatsoever. But at least now we know we’re not alone on that front.
  • Anthony Hopkins composed a waltz at age 26. It took nearly 50 years for him to hear it played.
    Anthony Hopkins had his waltz premiered by the Johann Strauss Orchestra, led by André Rieu.Photo credit: gdcgraphics (left), Bert Knottenbeld (right)
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    Anthony Hopkins composed a waltz at age 26. It took nearly 50 years for him to hear it played.

    People know Sir Anthony Hopkins best for his film performances, and for good reason. With two Oscars and multiple other awards, the 88-year-old Welsh actor has earned his accolades for his work on screen. But Hopkins’ first artistic love was not acting—it was music. And that first love received a moving moment of recognition in…

    People know Sir Anthony Hopkins best for his film performances, and for good reason. With two Oscars and multiple other awards, the 88-year-old Welsh actor has earned his accolades for his work on screen.

    But Hopkins’ first artistic love was not acting—it was music. And that first love received a moving moment of recognition in 2011, when the Johann Strauss Orchestra premiered a waltz Hopkins composed in 1964 at age 26.

    “I have been writing music and composing for many years, but I never did anything with it,” Hopkins told The Independent in late 2012. “I’d wanted to be a musician when I was younger, but I wasn’t a good student as a kid, so I just dabbled around and wrote this piece, ‘And the Waltz Goes On,’ in 1964.”

    Years later, Hopkins and his wife were watching a concert by Dutch violinist and conductor André Rieu on TV. Hopkins mentioned that he’d love to have his waltz played in Vienna.

    “Some time later, I got a call from André and he said, ‘I got your waltz,’” said Hopkins. “I said, ‘What?’ He said, ‘I’ve just performed it with my orchestra in rehearsal.’ I didn’t know it, but my wife had sent him the score.”

    Rieu was surprised to receive Hopkins’ composition.

    A violin lying on top of sheet music
    A violin lying atop sheet music. Photo credit: Canva

    “A lot of people send me their waltzes – every week, in fact,” Rieu told The Independent. “But when I got a call from my office early last year, I was surprised when they said Sir Anthony Hopkins was sending me one, as I didn’t know he had a musical side. But I figured a man like him wouldn’t send me a bad waltz. I can imagine it must have been a struggle for him thinking, ‘Shall I give it to the world?’”

    Hopkins and Rieu had never met, but Hopkins flew to Rieu’s studio in Maastricht, Netherlands, in April 2011 to hear the piece rehearsed live.

    “Everyone was so excited–and nervous,” said Rieu. “But he was so gentle and kind; he embraced everyone and gave them all autographs, too. After we played it to him live, he was like, ‘I love it, I love it, and I have tears in my eyes!’”

    Naturally, anyone would be moved to hear a composition they wrote nearly 50 years earlier performed by top-tier musicians. After all, just a few years before, Hopkins told Gramophone magazine, “Music was my first desire, my first wish.”

    Close up photo of people playing the cello in an orchestra
    A musician playing the cello. Photo credit: Canva

    Vienna has been home to many famous composers, including Joseph Haydn, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Ludwig van Beethoven, Franz Schubert, Johannes Brahms, Gustav Mahler, and the Strauss family. So the fact that Rieu premiered Hopkins’ piece there made the moment especially meaningful.

    What a gift it must have been to hear his waltz performed live in one of the world’s most iconic venues by the largest private orchestra in the world, led by one of its most renowned conductors.

    “Playing his waltz for the first time in one of the most beautiful halls in Vienna was like a dream for both of us,” Rieu said.

    Rieu toured with the piece, which is how we have this full performance of Hopkins’ waltz from André Rieu – Under the Stars: Live in Maastricht 5:

    Hopkins has made a name for himself far more successfully as an actor than as a musician, but people loved his waltz nonetheless. Some commenters on the video also noted how sad it would have been if the composition had remained unplayed:

    “There’s drama, passion, love and anger, sadness and boldness, a perfect waltz. And imagine, if Lady Hopkins never convinced Sir Hopkins to release this, we wouldn’t have this amazing masterpiece. Utmost respect for the two of them.”

    “Never asked anyone to play it, and yet it’s absolutely hauntingly beautiful. How much magnificent art is out there that never sees the light of day?”

    “This guy didn’t produce this waltz earlier in his life because he was afraid that nobody would like it. And you hear how beautiful this waltz is. Imagine how many artists have been too afraid to share their work. Imagine the wonderful pieces of music we could have if we would just lighten up a bit.”

    It’s a good reminder for all of us to share the talents we have.


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