Before you share an MLK quote, understand that you’re quoting a proud political radical

Every year around Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, social media feeds get flooded with memes bearing Dr. King’s face and words—snapshots of the man with a snippet of his message, wrapped neatly in a square package, easily digested by the masses. We get bombarded by the “not by the color of their skin, but by…

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Photo credit: Photo by Ricardo Gomez Angel on UnsplashArray

Every year around Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, social media feeds get flooded with memes bearing Dr. King’s face and words—snapshots of the man with a snippet of his message, wrapped neatly in a square package, easily digested by the masses.

We get bombarded by the “not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character” quote we all know and love. We get hit with “darkness cannot drive out darkness” memes that keep us feeling cozy in our comfort zones. We see “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear,” over and over, and nod our heads in placid agreement. People of all stripes share MLK quotes that give us all the warm fuzzies, and we think, “Wow, what an amazing, peaceful, universally beloved man.”


But there are two big problems with such memes.

1) Sharing one or two sentences drastically dilutes Dr. King’s legacy, turning his core message into a socially neutral, politically palatable, let’s-all-hold-hands-and-skip-together philosophy—one that challenges no one and betrays the radical reality of his work.

2) Such a whitewashing of King’s message enables people to share his words in a way that actually upholds or overlooks the very injustices he was trying to fight.

RELATED: Steve Bannon claimed MLK would be proud of Trump. King’s daughter shut him down.

For example, I’ve seen people say that people should be “judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” as an argument against Affirmative Action-type programs. I’ve seen people say “hate cannot drive out hate” while mischaracterizing a calling out of racial injustice as hatred. I’ve seen people quote King’s “I have a dream” speech while asserting that talking about racism just perpetuates racism—an assertion King simply didn’t abide.

People frequently twist King’s words to fit their worldview, and in doing so, dishonor the man and his fight for true justice. The radical nature of his message seems to have been watered down into what people think he was—a gentle leader who advocated a non-violent approach to fighting for equality—instead of what he actually was—a passionate disrupter who constantly pushed boundaries and pulled no punches when calling out injustices of all kinds. Many Americans today would undoubtedly call him a “race-baiter” at best, and an “extremist thug” at worst.

We mustn’t forget that King was considered a radical and a criminal, by both the U.S. government and much of mainstream America, during his lifetime. At the height of his activism, nearly two-thirds of Americans had an unfavorable opinion of King. And that disapproval didn’t just come from the openly racist South. After being hit with a rock at a desegregation march in Chicago, King remarked, “I have seen many demonstrations in the South, but I have never seen anything so hostile and so hateful as I’ve seen here today.”

King had strong words for those of us who think we’re not racist. When I first read King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail—his response to a group of clergymen who agreed with his antiracism sentiments but criticized his “extreme” methods—I was blown away. I remember thinking that my education about Dr. King had been sorely lacking, that I’d never learned how much criticism he’d faced and how frequently he was considered an extremist by white moderates, and that I had no idea how he had directly challenged white Americans of goodwill. (In other words, people like me.)

The least we can do to honor King’s life is to go beyond popular one-liners, take the time to read one of his most important works, and to meditate on the challenges he presented to us. You can read King’s Letter from a Birmingham Jail in its entirety here, but I’ve included some excerpts below that highlight some of its main points.

For example, this passage explaining how peaceful activism doesn’t mean avoiding tension and crisis:

“You may well ask: ‘Why direct action? Why sit ins, marches and so forth? Isn’t negotiation a better path?’ You are quite right in calling for negotiation. Indeed, this is the very purpose of direct action. Nonviolent direct action seeks to create such a crisis and foster such a tension that a community which has constantly refused to negotiate is forced to confront the issue. It seeks so to dramatize the issue that it can no longer be ignored. My citing the creation of tension as part of the work of the nonviolent resister may sound rather shocking. But I must confess that I am not afraid of the word ‘tension.’ I have earnestly opposed violent tension, but there is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth. Just as Socrates felt that it was necessary to create a tension in the mind so that individuals could rise from the bondage of myths and half truths to the unfettered realm of creative analysis and objective appraisal, so must we see the need for nonviolent gadflies to create the kind of tension in society that will help men rise from the dark depths of prejudice and racism to the majestic heights of understanding and brotherhood. The purpose of our direct action program is to create a situation so crisis packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation.”

RELATED: Ad execs probably should have read the full MLK speech before making that commercial.

Or this passage about the “timing” of taking action against injustice:

“We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. Frankly, I have yet to engage in a direct action campaign that was ‘well timed’ in the view of those who have not suffered unduly from the disease of segregation. For years now I have heard the word ‘Wait!’ It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This ‘Wait’ has almost always meant ‘Never.’ We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that ‘justice too long delayed is justice denied.’”

Many people who praise Dr. King would have called him a criminal if he were still alive today, as he advocated breaking unjust laws:

“One may well ask: ‘How can you advocate breaking some laws and obeying others?’ The answer lies in the fact that there are two types of laws: just and unjust. I would be the first to advocate obeying just laws. One has not only a legal but a moral responsibility to obey just laws. Conversely, one has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws. I would agree with St. Augustine that ‘an unjust law is no law at all.’”

He added that a just law can sometimes be applied unjustly, and that how one violates a law matters:

“Sometimes a law is just on its face and unjust in its application. For instance, I have been arrested on a charge of parading without a permit. Now, there is nothing wrong in having an ordinance which requires a permit for a parade. But such an ordinance becomes unjust when it is used to maintain segregation and to deny citizens the First-Amendment privilege of peaceful assembly and protest.

I hope you are able to see the distinction I am trying to point out. In no sense do I advocate evading or defying the law, as would the rabid segregationist. That would lead to anarchy. One who breaks an unjust law must do so openly, lovingly, and with a willingness to accept the penalty. I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for law.”

In addition, he pointed out that some of history’s most unjust acts were legal, while some of the most righteous acts were illegal:

“We should never forget that everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was ‘legal’ and everything the Hungarian freedom fighters did in Hungary was ‘illegal.’ It was ‘illegal’ to aid and comfort a Jew in Hitler’s Germany. Even so, I am sure that, had I lived in Germany at the time, I would have aided and comforted my Jewish brothers. If today I lived in a Communist country where certain principles dear to the Christian faith are suppressed, I would openly advocate disobeying that country’s antireligious laws.”

One of the most important points King makes in this letter is how white moderates who put law and order over justice do as much, if not more, harm to the cause of justice as outright racists:

“I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to ‘order’ than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: ‘I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action’; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a ‘more convenient season.’ Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that law and order exist for the purpose of establishing justice and that when they fail in this purpose they become the dangerously structured dams that block the flow of social progress. I had hoped that the white moderate would understand that the present tension in the South is a necessary phase of the transition from an obnoxious negative peace, in which the Negro passively accepted his unjust plight, to a substantive and positive peace, in which all men will respect the dignity and worth of human personality. Actually, we who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive. We bring it out in the open, where it can be seen and dealt with. Like a boil that can never be cured so long as it is covered up but must be opened with all its ugliness to the natural medicines of air and light, injustice must be exposed, with all the tension its exposure creates, to the light of human conscience and the air of national opinion before it can be cured.”

How about this bit about “the appalling silence of the good people”?

“We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to be co workers with God, and without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right.”

And finally, some words about law and order and the role of the police in “preventing violence”:

“Before closing I feel impelled to mention one other point in your statement that has troubled me profoundly. You warmly commended the Birmingham police force for keeping ‘order’ and ‘preventing violence.’ I doubt that you would have so warmly commended the police force if you had seen its dogs sinking their teeth into unarmed, nonviolent Negroes. I doubt that you would so quickly commend the policemen if you were to observe their ugly and inhumane treatment of Negroes here in the city jail; if you were to watch them push and curse old Negro women and young Negro girls; if you were to see them slap and kick old Negro men and young boys; if you were to observe them, as they did on two occasions, refuse to give us food because we wanted to sing our grace together. I cannot join you in your praise of the Birmingham police department…

I wish you had commended the Negro sit inners and demonstrators of Birmingham for their sublime courage, their willingness to suffer and their amazing discipline in the midst of great provocation. One day the South will recognize its real heroes.”

As King’s daughter, Bernice, pointed out on his birthday, January 15, “The authentic, comprehensive King makes power uneasy & privilege unhinged.” Such a description makes one wonder how Dr. King would be regarded today if he had lived and continued to directly call out the racial injustice that still exists in our society.

  • Older man on tram called a young woman “disgusting” for wearing a dress. A stranger on board had something to say about that.
    Photo credit: CanvaOld man looks disapprovingly at woman in skirt

    Renee Buckingham was on a tram in Melbourne when an older man started calling a young woman “disgusting.”

    The woman was with friends, wearing a dress. The man told her she should be embarrassed for dressing that way in public, in front of older people like him, he said. He kept going.

    She couldn’t stay quiet

    Buckingham, a Melbourne-based content creator, said she felt her heart rate climb as she watched. She doesn’t usually look for confrontation. For a moment she hesitated, worried the man might turn aggressive if she intervened.

    Then she spoke up anyway.

    “I said to him, ‘Don’t you dare speak to women like that,’” she explained in an Instagram post shared on January 19, 2026. She told him that if he felt uncomfortable looking at the woman’s outfit, that was his problem, not hers. She told him a woman’s clothing choices have nothing to do with her worth.

    He didn’t have much to say after that.

    Putting the shame on the shamer

    Buckingham posted about the incident and it spread quickly, drawing thousands of responses from people who recognized the moment, the calculation that happens in real time when you witness something wrong in a public space and have to decide whether the cost of speaking up is worth it.

    For the young woman on the tram, Buckingham had a direct message: “Never change who you are for any man.”

    Her message resonated

    The comments on her post filled with people who’d been in similar situations on both sides of it, the ones who’d been shamed, the ones who’d watched and said nothing and still thought about it, and the ones who’d spoken up and found it went differently than they feared. “Thank you for advocating for that young woman,” wrote one commenter. “We need to keep speaking up.”

    Buckingham’s point, boiled down: the discomfort belongs to the person doing the shaming, not the person being shamed.

  • A two-word request on set led Jodie Foster to rethink everything about Hollywood. The request was for a cappuccino.
    Photo credit: Alan LightJodie Foster at the 61st Academy Awards March 29, 1989
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    A two-word request on set led Jodie Foster to rethink everything about Hollywood. The request was for a cappuccino.

    The two-time Oscar winner opened up about the moment she realized celebrity culture was changing her…and not for the better.

    Jodie Foster has won two Oscars, been famous since she was 12, and has been working in the industry since she was barely 3. By her own account, all of that success had started to do something to her she didn’t like.

    The cappuccino that changed everything

    She described the moment of recognition in a January 2026 interview with Variety, timed to the release of her new film “A Private Life.” It came down to a cappuccino.

    “I asked someone for a cappuccino?” she recalled, with what Variety described as barely restrained horror. “I did what? I thought I knew what I was talking about and ranted on for 45 minutes? I didn’t send that person a condolence letter when their mom died? I wasn’t at their wedding? I disappeared for four months and expected everybody to be my friend when I came back?”

    Foster, now 63, said she feared she was becoming what she called “a creature of Hollywood,” a politer way of putting something less polite. Famous since her breakout in “Taxi Driver” at 12 and a two-time Best Actress winner before she was 30, for “The Accused” in 1988 and “The Silence of the Lambs” in 1991, she’d spent decades in an environment that tells you your needs come first. The cappuccino moment was when she realized she’d started to believe it.

    The science behind her self-awareness

    That discomfort is backed by research. Columbia University psychologist Adam Galinsky has studied the relationship between power and empathy, finding that people who feel powerful are demonstrably less able to read others’ emotional states accurately. In one experiment, participants who’d been primed to feel powerful made significantly more errors identifying emotions in facial expressions than those who hadn’t. Power, it turns out, reduces emotional sensitivity, not because powerful people are inherently worse, but because the environment trains them to stop paying attention.

    Foster paid attention when she noticed it happening to her, and she stepped back. She told NPR in a separate interview that she wanted to make movies she loved and give everything to her performances without getting caught up in celebrity culture, and that meant keeping her personal life tightly guarded. “I wanted to give everything of myself on screen, and I wanted to survive intact by having a life and not handing that life over to the media,” she said.

    Hollywood on her terms

    She has since returned to work, including “A Private Life,” which premiered at Cannes and opened in January 2026. She told Variety she believes it may be the best work of her career, and the secret, she said, is that she’s never worked less hard in terms of energy output. “I just do what I think, and then I drink a coffee.”

    This time around she gets the coffee herself.

  • Older people agree that no one is ‘prepared’ for these 17 harsh truths about aging
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    Older people agree that no one is ‘prepared’ for these 17 harsh truths about aging

    Someone asked Reddit: “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and thousands of people answered.

    Many of us feel invincible when we are young, believing we can control the aging process so that we’ll always stay forever young, as Bob Dylan once sang. But there’s a moment when everyone realizes aging is an inevitable process and that, eventually, we will have to deal with a slow decline in our physical and, quite possibly, mental capabilities.

    This realization and understanding that we won’t be here forever can profoundly change one’s perspective on life. Even though aging is inevitable, studies show how we think about the process can significantly impact our longevity. People with a positive view of aging live an average of 7.5 years longer than those without.

    When the reality of aging sets in

    Things happen as we age that are impossible to describe to younger people. However, a group of Redditors did an excellent job of explaining the truths about aging that they were not “prepared” for in a recent thread that made a lot of people feel seen. A user named sofiagympixie asked the AskReddit forum, “What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?” and it received thousands responses.

    A big takeaway is that many people feel like they stop mentally aging at a certain point, usually in their late 20s. Still, the continued physical aging they experience makes them feel like they cannot relate to the person in the mirror.

    Here are 17 of the most profound responses to the question: What’s a truth about aging that no one prepared you for?

    1. There is an end

    “You start to realize the older you get that the end is closer than the beginning and you still feel like you have so much more to do.”

    “That moment where you start to get a sense that there is an end.

    2. It takes energy to keep everything afloat

    “No one prepared me for how much energy and time it takes to maintain everything—like health, relationships, and just staying organized. It’s way more work than I expected!

    3. Mind/body detachment

    “How your mind stays young while your body starts to slow down. You still feel like the same person you’ve always been, but suddenly you notice little things changing.

    This was such a surprise to me. I really expected to feel psychologically older as I aged. But physically, oh my body has betrayed me… Eyes… hair (gray, but at least I still have it)… back… knees… hips… prostate.

    4. The past feels closer than it is

    “When you get a flashback of a good memory and you realize that was over 10 years ago.

    “When I told my daughter about something I did 24 years ago, I had to pause for a moment.”

    Time flies isn’t just a saying. Psychologists agree that our minds lump time together based on novel experiences. When we are older, the days are a lot more similar than when we were young children. That’s why when you’re 80, time moves a lot faster than it did when you were 8.

    5. Stuck in the wrong time

    “I’m 61, and sometimes I feel like this world is not for me anymore. I feel almost like an imposter. For example, I can’t find clothes I like that fit correctly, TV is abhorrent, only old music sounds pleasant, shoes are uncomfortable, I don’t recognize most celebrities or famous people in the news or tabloids, and I don’t understand the need for most new and supposedly exciting products. I’m an educated person, I still work and have an active life. I’m not a recluse. But a little at a time, I feel the world is moving on without me. I finally understand why, in her final years, my mother only watched movies from the 1950s and reminisced about the past more than she talked about the present. Her world was long gone.

    When the people and world around you start to change

    6. You lose friends

    “If you choose not to have kids, you may end up losing your friends. I turn 40 this year, and my partner and I don’t see many folks these days. Parents like to hang out with other parents. And I don’t have a grudge, I totally see the value for playdates, etc. But it can be a little lonely.”

    “To be fair, I have 2 kids and lost a lot of friends because we simply don’t have the time/energy to connect regularly enough to maintain a healthy friendship. It instead falls into an awkward acquaintance stage where enough time passes between communication, and you’re not sure if reaching out to connect comes across weird.”

    7. Your parents are aging, too

    “It’s not just you who is getting old. Your parents are getting even older.”

    “I feel this. Lost my mom 2 weeks before my 21st birthday. 40 now with 2 kids. I get angry/sad at a lot of milestones like my wedding and kids’ stuff ‘cause my mom was robbed of them, and I was robbed of her.”

    8. Time wasted caring about other people’s opinions

    “It’s so freeing when that old twinge of ‘why don’t they like me’ pops up, and then I remember that I can not be bothered by that anymore, and magically, I don’t care!”

    “Just wasting time in general. No thanks. I want to do as many things as possible!”

    9. Your friends die

    “Your friends start to die. It’s something I never thought about.”

    10. Time flies

    “Man. I don’t even feel like the days are long anymore. I just keep blinking and the weeks go by.”

    “Yup, wake up, eat breakfast, do a couple things. Wait, it’s lunch already? Eat lunch, do a couple more things, time to prep dinner. Eat dinner, clean up, fix a few things, it’s 9 pm. I guess it’s almost time to get ready for bed? This times 10,000 for me.”

    11. The monotony sets in

    “You will realize that you hate planning meals and making food every single day. It’s boring, and it’s too easy to fall into monotony. But you have to make lunch again and then plan for dinner again then make dinner again and what do you want to eat tomorrow so you plan for breakfast tomorrow and get up and make breakfast again and then plan for lunch again….”

    12. You become invisible to much of society

    “I wondered what felt off the last year. Gen Z is everywhere now, and I’m still asking myself when that happened.”

    aging, ageism, anti-aging, growing older, ask old people, aging parens, ask reddit, turning 60

     A computer delivers a difficult message: Photo credit: Canva

    What the world looks like from the other side

    13. Adults aren’t real

    “When you’re a kid, you can’t wait to ‘grow up,’ and then you do, and you’re still you, just older. That voice inside your head doesn’t change, but what you see in the mirror does. Only now you’re just older and saddled with bills and stress and all of life’s ‘surprises.’ On top of this, everyone is winging it. Absolutely everyone. Because the idea of order and a civilized society is an illusion. We’re all playing by made up rules and making imaginary money and all the rest of it. A one-dollar bill costs just as much to print as a hundred-dollar bill.”

    14. Priorities change

    “Things that seemed so important when you were younger, really are not important.”

    15. Younger people’s reverence

    “I’m middle-aged, and a funny thing is how younger people get self-conscious or apologize when there is no need. For example, they will apologize for swearing around me or mentioning something like (gasp) drinking, or drugs, or sleeping around. I think it’s funny. Why would being on earth longer make me easier to scandalize? I’ve seen and done things that would shock them, lol, but to them I’m a very proper-looking classy older lady.”

    16. Ageism

    “Doors start closing once you reach a certain age.”

    “Ageism is real. I just turned 50 and am in a young person’s career (software development). I feel how hiring managers look at me when asked to turn my camera on, during an interview that was going very well and suddenly it’s ‘we’ll get back to you.’”

    17. It all catches up

    “Things like drinking, eating unhealthily, smoking, spending … they will catch up. When you’re young you think you’re different, or you think that when it does catch up you’ll be old so who cares, I won’t care when I’m old anyway. You will care, though. You’ll still be you. Those things won’t seem like an issue right up to the moment they are. And then it’s too late to take them back.”

    The bottom line is that aging is a part of life, and while sometimes it is easy to get wrapped up in the negative, there is still plenty of positive to focus on. Because everyone gets old. Even Bob Dylan.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • American woman moves to Australia and discovers embarrassing double-meaning of her name
    Photo credit: via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels and Ethan Brooke/PexelsA woman is shocked to learn that her name means something totally different in Australia.
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    American woman moves to Australia and discovers embarrassing double-meaning of her name

    Devyn introduced herself to a group of people and they immediately bust out laughing.

    When people move abroad, it’s normal to experience serious culture shock. Culture shock is a feeling of being disoriented or confused by a different way of life and set of norms than you’re used to. You’d think moving from America to another English speaking country wouldn’t be so jarring, but you might actually be surprised at how different things can really be even when the bulk of the language and customs overlap nicely.

    Devyn Hales, 22, from California, recently moved to Sydney, Australia, on a one-year working visa and quickly found out that she had a lot to learn about her new home.

    The first thing that made her feel out of place? Believe it or not, her name. It wasn’t going to work Down Under. It all started when a group of men made fun of her on St. Patrick’s Day.

    Why her name became a problem the moment she landed

    After she introduced herself as Devyn, the men laughed at her. “They burst out laughing, and when I asked them why, they told me devon is processed lunch meat,” she told The Daily Mail. It’s similar to baloney, so I introduce myself as Dev now,” she said in a viral TikTok video with over 1.7 million views.

    For those who have never been to Australia, Devon is a processed meat product usually cut into slices and served on sandwiches. It is usually made up of pork, basic spices, and a binder. Devon is affordable because people buy it in bulk and it’s often fed to children. Australians also enjoy eating it fried, like spam. It is also known by other names such as fritz, circle meat, Berlina and polony, depending on where one lives on the continent. It’s like in America, where people refer to cola as pop, soda, or Coke, depending on where they live in the country.

    So, one can easily see why a young woman wouldn’t want to refer to herself as a processed meat product that can be likened to baloney or spam.

    “Wow, love that for us,” another woman named Devyn wrote in the comments. “Tell me the name thing isn’t true,” a woman called Devon added.

    For Devyn, it could have been worse, as her name was easily shortened to Dev. She could have been named Sheila, which is a slang term for women or girls that also carries slightly derogatory undertones.

    The other differences that caught her off guard

    Besides changing her name, Dev shared some other differences between living in Australia and her home country.

    “So everyone wears slides. I feel like I’m the only one with ‘thongs’—flip-flops—that have the little thing in the middle of your big toe. Everyone wears slides,” she said. “Everyone wears shorts that go down to your knees and that’s a big thing here.”

    Dev also noted that there are a lot of guys in Australia named Lachlan, Felix and Jack. (Oliver, Noah, and Henry have topped the charts in recent years, with Leo and William also consistently near the top.)

    She was also thrown off by the sound of the plentiful magpies in Australia. According to Dev, they sound a lot like crying children with throat infections. “The birds threw me off,” she said before making an impression that many people in the comments thought was close to perfect.

    “The birds is so spot on,” a user named Jess wrote. “The birds, I will truly never get used to it,” Marissa added.

    The upsides she didn’t expect

    One issue that many Americans face when moving to Australia is that it is more expensive than the United States. However, many Americans who move to Australia love the work-life balance. Brooke Laven, a brand strategist in the fitness industry who moved there from the U.S., says that Aussies have the “perfect work-life balance” and that they are “hard-working” but “know where to draw the line.”

    Despite the initial cultural shocks, Devyn is embracing her new life in Australia with a positive outlook. In a follow-up video, she mentions she hasn’t even had many run-ins with Australia’s infamous and dangerous creatures like giant spiders and man-eating sharks. There are other perks to living there, as well.

    “The coffee is a lot better in Australia, too,” she added with a smile, inspiring others to see the bright side of cultural differences.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

    This article originally appeared 7 months ago. It has been updated.

  • Gen Xers and Boomers share outrageous behaviors that used to be considered ‘normal’
    Photo credit: Photo by lil artsy/PexelsOlder people are sharing memories of wild behaviors and norms that would be considered "boundary crossing" today
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    Gen Xers and Boomers share outrageous behaviors that used to be considered ‘normal’

    “All my parents’ friends used to give me a spanking for each year on my birthday.”

    How many times have you looked back to things you thought were “normal” from your childhood and thought “Huh, that was actually kinda weird in hindsight”? Times change, and what’s considered “normal and acceptable” change with them. That’s not automatically good or bad, necessarily, but hopefully humanity is evolving such that we learn from our mistakes and recognize room for improvement.

    Culture, social progress, and technology all play a role in how our behaviors evolve. We hope our behavior changes for the better, and sometimes it does, but some folks might disagree and think things were better back in simpler times.

    In that vein, someone asked Gen Xers and Boomers on Reddit, “What are some things that would be considered rude or boundary crossing today but were perfectly normal and acceptable when you were growing up?” and the answers reveal how much has shifted in the past handful of decades.

    If you’re over 40, enjoy this slightly disturbing trip down memory lane. If you’re under 40, yes, all of these things really happened on a regular basis.

    Scolding other people’s kids (even strangers)

    Raising a child was seen as more of a community effort than it is today, which resulted in perfect strangers doling out discipline.

    “Scolding someone else’s child. I remember getting corrected by strangers.”

    “Those were the lessons that stuck the most too for me. When a family friend or stranger corrected me I knew without doubt I done f’d up. I didn’t like the trend during the late 80’s into 90’s of everyone telling each other to mind their own business and not correct a child that wasn’t theirs ~ horrible logic that I feel totally contributed to where we are at today with nobody considering other peoples opinions on things.”

    “OMG yes! in my neighborhood, whoever’s house you were at, if you acted up, their mom was expected to let you know, and even send you home! it’s just how things were.”

    “Kids were basically community property.”

    People are split on whether this development is ultimately good or bad.

    Showing up or dropping by unannounced

    Before cell phones, people didn’t always call or text before going to someone’s house. Company could just show up at any time. People had snacks on hand specifically for unexpected guests. It was a thing.

    “Possibly stopping in at a friend’s house unannounced. That used to be fairly common when everyone didn’t have a phone in his or her pocket.”

    “You never knew who, or how many, would show up at our house on a Friday night for a game of penny ante poker or Yahtzee in the 60’s and 70’s.”

    “I do miss that. We always had extra snacks for guests available because we never knew when someone might just show up.”

    “We always had a Pepperidge Farms Coconut cake in the freezer. My mother would take it out to thaw as soon as company showed up.”

    “A corollary of this was that you were also expected to have your clothes on and be somewhat presentable while you were at home, since you never know who would be dropping by.”

    “Hell, me and my friends would just walk into each other’s house like we lived there. None of the parents seemed to mind either. I often ended up eating meals at their homes and them at mine.”

    People still show up out of nowhere in movies and TV shows, though. Probably because texting isn’t quite as cinematic!

    Birthday spankings

    Okay, yeah, this one is weird. It was a tradition to get a spanking for every year of your life on your birthday, and it wasn’t even just parents who did this. Teachers, your parents’ friends, etc.

    “All my parents’ friends used to give me a spanking for each year on my birthday. Does anyone else remember this? Birthday spankings? So weird.”

    “And a pinch to grow an inch.”

    “My 4th grade teacher did this to all of us in front of the whole class. She ended it with a “pinch to grow on” and literally pinched our butts. This was around 2001 in Indianapolis. I don’t recall anyone ever having an issue with it at the time, but looking back it was definitely odd. She was a great teacher and I have nothing bad to say about her at all. It was just a different time.”

    “Yessssss! I’m in MD and was in elementary school in the 80’s. If it was our birthday we would pick another kid to spank us in front of the whole grade, so if turning 9 you would get 9 smacks on your butt and all the kids would shout “ONE! TWO!…” I can’t imagine that happening now!”

    “Oh god! In a school club we would all line up and the birthday girl to crawl between all our legs as we spanked her on birthdays. What a crazy tradition!”

    “The spanking machine! Kids would line up in a row, legs open, and you would crawl through, while kids slapped your butt. Sometimes singing ‘today is spankin’ day!’”

    Later, the birthday spankings evolved in birthday arm punches — again, one for every year. It’s really hard to imagine anyone getting away with this today.

    Actual spankings. With a paddle. At school.

    School principals, vice principals and sometimes teachers kept a paddle at their desk, which would be used to whack kids who misbehaved. Corporal punishment was the gold standard for behavior modification. Hacking, whacking, paddling—so many names for this woefully outdated practice.

    “The big paddle that one of the teachers would possess that would be used on your hind quarters at their whim. No parent permission needed.”

    “The (completely backward) school I attended in 7th grade in 1999-2000 still spanked kids. My math teacher spanked a kid in class at least once a week. This was the deep south and very different from other schools I went to, it was quite the culture shock.”

    “I would get the paddle or else my desk kicked over while I was in it, my head would hit that floor HARD! I don’t know which was worse.”

    “In 1987 my mom walked me into the school office and told everyone including the principle that under NO circumstances is anyone to paddle or spank me for discipline and if I misbehaved they were to simply call her about it. Their jaws dropped. That would not have happened anyways because I was a very well behaved and respectful child.”

    “I definitely got the big paddle in the vice principal’s office.”

    Shockingly, “corporal punishment” as it’s called is still legal in public schools in 17 states, and remains legal in private schools in nearly every state.

    Smoking indoors everywhere

    It’s impossible to explain to young people today how ubiquitous smoking used to be. Like, it was considered rude not to have ashtrays in your home. High schools had smoking areas. Restaurants, airplanes, waiting rooms—people smoked everywhere.

    “I can recall the nurses at the triage in the hospital in my home town, smoking away while working. The 80s man, crazy time.”

    “I was born in 82, there’s a picture of my mother holding me shortly after I was born, laying in a hospital bed, and on her bedside table is a pack of reds and an ashtray.”

    “And on airplanes and trains. I remember riding the L in Chicago with people smoking on the cars.”

    “Smoking in class at college.”

    “Smoking in grocery stores and putting out butts on the floor.

    Teachers with ash trays on their desks smoking during class.”

    “My parents didn’t smoke, but they (1970s) kept a guest ashtray in the house in case a visitor wanted to light up. Complained endlessly about the smoke smell once the person was gone, but it would have been rude to tell them to take it outside or wait.”

    The first question a restaurant hostess used to ask you was “Smoking or non-smoking?” if you can believe it.

    Sexual harassment

    A man exhibiting inappropriate behavior in the workplace. Photo credit: Canva

    Not that this was ever normal or acceptable, but it was tolerated to a disturbing level.

    Until Anita Hill, I had never even heard the term Sexual Harassment. I literally had no idea it was a thing. You were female, you were employed, men could make insistent advances with zero repercussions. One of my co-workers finally slept with the boss just to try to get him to leave her alone. This was NORMAL. We expected it to happen and accepted that it would, we just had to deal with it.”

    “I was told to lighten up because it was a compliment.”

    ” I got my first job in 1973 when I was 15. I worked in the restaurant business and waited tables all through college. It was pervasive and customers (men) would say many unwanted things as well. My first adult job was selling pharmaceuticals in 1984 and the first thing my regional manager told me during orientation was if a doctor did or said anything inappropriate handle it anyway you saw fit and then call and tell me about. He made it clear we didn’t have to put up with any BS and were free to slap anyone if we needed to. By the nineties sexual harassment wasn’t gone but was getting called out in a big way. Until there was a name for sexual harassment we knew we were uncomfortable but didn’t really have a way to express it in a meaningful and united manner.”

    “My friends and I were grabbed constantly in middle school by boys in early 90s. It never occurred to us to tell anyone and I honestly don’t think they would have cared. We just shared our shame amongst ourselves.”

    “Men would randomly grab and touch women all the time when I was growing up. Boomers were the worst about it, but I’m GenX and even we had it somewhat normalized. We’d gotten a clue that it wasn’t great, but we hadn’t yet realized it was actually sexual assault when someone would fondle your butt or breasts unbidden. Or when someone would grab you and kiss you. If you complained you were told to lighten up.”

    Watching old films and TV shows can be a bit cringeworthy for this exact reason. Inappropriate comments and contact at work was often seen as a joke and “just good fun.”

    Woman holding up a sign saying “Stop harassment.” Photo credit: Canva

    The drastic policing of what women wore under their clothes

    Imagine having all the girls line up in gym class while the teacher runs his finger down each girl’s back to make sure she was wearing a bra. Imagine it being unheard of to not wear pantyhose and show bare skin on your legs while wearing a skirt. We still police what women and girls wear in some places, but it’s not as bad as it used to be.

    “I’ve been told that women were expected to wear ‘foundation garments’ at work, and if they didn’t, then they might get reprimanded. I’m talking about longline bras and girdles.”

    “In the 80s, one of my friends got sent to the office for not wearing a bra to high school.”

    “Until 1999, I was required to wear pantyhose at work. Nuts! And they dictated ‘suntan’ color!”

    “Not sure what I spent more $ on – pantyhose or clear nail polish to stop the runs.”

    “I remember being a kid in the 90s my mom going from store to store looking for slips to put under my dresses, she had a whole section of her closet devoted to them. I hated them and didn’t understand their purpose. Still don’t. I’m so glad those are in the past.”

    People shared other things as well, such as how common it was to touch total strangers or to cut through people’s yards to get to where you were going, and it’s a wild ride through shifting social norms. Some things are definitely best left in the past, but some lend themselves to a stronger sense of community and might be worth revisiting. It does make you wonder what things from today will show up on a list like this decades from now.

    You can see more on the r/AskOldPeople thread here.

    This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

  • A Vietnam veteran stood on street corners handing out resumes for six years. One woman saw him and changed his life within 24 hours.
    Photo credit: CanvaAn older man rests by the side of the road.

    When a woman stopped to pump gas in Folsom, California, she noticed a 62-year-old man standing on the nearby street corner holding a sign. He wasn’t asking for money. He was handing out resumes.

    She offered him cash anyway. He declined and handed her a copy of his resume instead.

    “My heart sunk,” she later wrote. She went home and posted his story, along with his resume, to a private Facebook group called Folsom Chat. Within 24 hours, as CBS Sacramento reported, George Silvey had a job.

    Sacramento veteran’s determination pays off

    Silvey was a Vietnam veteran who had spent six years standing on street corners trying to find work the old-fashioned way. He’d had careers in maintenance, heavy equipment operation, painting, and in-home healthcare. He wasn’t looking for charity. He was looking for someone to take a chance on him.

    “I know that once I get my foot in the door, I can make a lot of money real fast,” he told reporters. “All I need is the opportunity.”

    This veteran’s job search was over

    The Facebook post did what six years of sidewalk networking hadn’t. Summer Gonzalez, co-owner of KiKi’s Chicken in Rancho Cordova, saw it and called. The next day Silvey was washing dishes and taking out trash. He showed up early.

    “How many people are really asking to earn their money when you see them out on the street?” Gonzalez said. “And how can you say no to someone that actually wants to take the initiative to take care of himself?”

    She didn’t say no. Neither did Silvey when his roommate’s phone started ringing off the hook with offers after the post went up. “It threw me for a loop because I didn’t expect this to happen so fast,” he said.

    On his first day he put on his uniform shirt and got straight to work. Gonzalez watched and said simply: “He’s a great guy.”

    The importance of community

    Silvey called it a lucky day. But the luck was mostly the woman at the gas station who saw someone doing exactly what she would have wanted someone to do — refusing to beg, asking instead to be given a shot — and decided she was going to make sure he got one.

    “Never give up, never give up hope,” Silvey said afterward. “It can happen and it will happen.”

  • She left a harsh Goodreads review of her coworker’s book. She did not expect to hear it read back to them at work.
    Photo credit: CanvaA woman reading a book.

    When a coworker emailed the whole team a link to her self-published book, the Reddit user who goes by u/Halo9_Spectra did something most people wouldn’t: they actually read it.

    They didn’t love it. The book struck them as generic, lacking originality, going through familiar motions without much of a distinct voice. So at 11 p.m., in a mood they describe as “mild annoyance,” they wrote an honest Goodreads review. Not cruel, they say, but not soft either. They assumed that was the end of it.

    The review came up in the workplace

    Two months later they were sitting in a work meeting when their coworker — the author — brought up the review. She read it aloud, verbatim. She called it “really challenging feedback.” She said it had been the most helpful thing she’d ever heard, that it had compelled her to completely rethink her approach for her next project.

    The anonymous reviewer sat there making what they hoped was an expression that read as “hm, interesting.”

    “I make a face that I hope reads as ‘hm, interesting’ and not ‘that was me,’” they wrote on Reddit.

    Since then, the coworker has cited the anonymous review four more times across different meetings, each time framing it as “brutally honest in the best way.” The reviewer continues to attend these meetings. They have not said anything. They have no intention of doing so.

    “I am never telling her,” they concluded.

    The reviewer has no plans to come forward

    The Reddit thread was predictably divided on whether the coworker’s response was genuine or strategic — some suspected she was fishing to draw out the critic, others thought the gratitude was real. One commenter suggested she might be “pretending to sus out who did it before she kills them.” Another simply said it was “an amazing compliment. Good for both of you.”

    The most interesting part of the story isn’t really the review or even the meeting — it’s the thing it accidentally illustrates about criticism. A genuinely honest negative response, delivered anonymously and without any agenda, turned out to be more useful to the author than whatever supportive replies she’d gotten from colleagues who knew her. The reviewer didn’t pull their punches because they had no reason to. And that, apparently, was exactly what she needed.

    The reviewer is still not telling her.

  • At 19, Jewel turned down a million-dollar record deal. Decades later, she says it was the best decision she ever made.
    Photo credit: Jennifer StoddartJewel performing at The Theatre in Coquitlam, British Columbia in 2008.
    ,

    At 19, Jewel turned down a million-dollar record deal. Decades later, she says it was the best decision she ever made.

    Jewel turned down a million-dollar signing bonus while living out of her car. She went to the library first to understand why she had to.

    Before Jewel sold 30 million albums and earned four Grammy nominations, she was sleeping in her car in San Diego. She hadn’t chosen the situation romantically — she’d been fired after refusing her boss’s sexual advances, lost her paycheck, and couldn’t make rent. Then the car was stolen, leaving her fully homeless. She was 19.

    It was in the middle of all of this that the music industry came looking for her.

    Jewel had found a coffee shop that was going out of business and struck a deal with the owner: she’d bring people in, and she’d keep the door money. She started playing five-hour sets of original material on Thursday nights. Four people became twelve, became twenty, became fifty. A bootleg recording ended up on the radio. Record labels started showing up.

    A bidding war broke out. The biggest offer on the table included a $1 million signing bonus.

    She said no.

    Before making that decision, she did something practical and slightly remarkable: she went to the library and read a book about the music business. What she learned changed everything. “I learned that you owe that money back,” she explained in an interview on ABC’s No Limits with Rebecca Jarvis. “If my record wasn’t successful within a year, I would have been dropped. I would have ended up homeless again. I would have had to make a record that was guaranteed to be a hit, which I didn’t know how to do. I was a folk singer at the height of grunge.”

    In other words: the million dollars wasn’t a gift. It was a loan with conditions attached, and the conditions were essentially designed for her to fail.

    She recently revisited the decision in a conversation with entrepreneur Blake Mycoskie, posted March 30. In it she described the guiding principle she had formed for herself, even without words for it at the time. “I made myself a promise that my number one job in life would be to learn. I called it being a ‘happy whole human,’ not a human full of holes.” She wanted to be an artist more than she wanted to be famous — and she’d learned enough about the industry to know those weren’t the same thing.

    “Do I want to be famous and rich, or do I want to be an artist?” she told ABC. “I used that as my road map.”

    Instead of taking the advance, she negotiated a deal structured around the back end — one that gave her room to build a fan base slowly and stay true to her music. Her debut album, Pieces of You, came out in 1995. It eventually sold more than 12 million copies in the United States alone.

    She has since become a bestselling author, a producer, and an advocate for mental health and emotional resilience. Her motto, which she’s repeated across decades of interviews: “Hardwood grows slowly.”

    “If you can emotionally connect with a human being and cause them to emotionally invest with you, you have something,” she said. “Then you just have to go about it the old-fashioned way.”

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