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7 surprisingly sweet moments you may have missed in this week's 'Game of Thrones.'

sharWelcome to “A Song of Nice and Fire” Upworthy’s weekly series recapping one of the most brutal shows on TV. Since brutality is not really in our wheelhouse, Eric March has taken it upon himself to dig deep, twist and turn, and squint really hard to see if he can find the light of kindness in all the darkness. He may not always succeed, but by gosh if he won’t try his best.

Here’s what he found on this week’s "Game of Thrones."

Someone's got a case of the Mondays! Image by Macall B. Polay/HBO.

This show'll break your heart. Even with the forces we think we're kinda maybe supposed to be rooting for (sorta? It's maddeningly unclear) on the march, a lot of bad stuff still manages to happen on "Game of Thrones," not infrequently to characters you only just started to care about (RIP Dick Tarley).

Yet, it's not all unstoppable frozen killing machines, deadly mind games, and bright young men cut down in the prime of youth.

Here are the silver linings and genuinely nice moments you may have missed:

1. Drogon shows restraint by not burning literally everything and everyone.

Good show, you guys. Image by Macall B. Polay/HBO.

Incinerating a couple of treasonous lords is just another Tuesday for everybody's favorite flying flame-thrower. This time, however, Drogon had the impeccable fashion sense to leave Dickon and Randyll Tarley's stylish cloaks behind. How do you say "that's progress!" in High Valyrian?

Later, the deadly dragon demonstrates even further chill by accepting a face rub from Jon and, even more importantly, not eating and/or barbecuing him (the King in the North, it continuously turns out, is family, but still).

Yeah, Drogon roasted thousands of men to death just last week, but whatever. You gotta figure ... when it comes to a giant, amoral, fire-breathing dragon, it's gonna be two steps forward, one step back.

2. The old guys in the North acknowledge that Sansa wears that wolf queen cloak pretty damn well.

Over the past several episodes, we've begun to get the impression that yes, duh, Sansa is actually good at this lording thing. It's a revelation that finally makes its way through the thick, arbor red-addled skulls of some assorted old northern and Eyrie lords who come to realize this week (a little too late, guys!) that they kinda wish they voted for the competent, savvy woman when they had the chance.* Even Arya finally acknowledges that being the boss seems to agree with her sister, even if she does so grudgingly and passive-agressively with a whiff of "be careful I don't stab you."

Sure, Sansa's a little power-hungry (aren't we all?), but being a wee bit shifty — while not being an outright psychotic murderer — is exactly the right posture for the Westerosi ruler who doesn't want to get shivved, beheaded, burned alive, flayed, eaten by dogs, or some worse thing that, dear God, I hope doesn't get deployed in season eight.

Inasmuch as anyone can "got this" on "Game of Thrones," Sansa has got this. And people are finally figuring that out. Slow, but steady, everyone!

Good, too, on Masie Williams for playing their entire interaction like the world's most annoyed little sister — the contrast with the (significant) stakes was A+.

*There's a lesson here. It's going over my head, presently.

3. Cersei allows Jaime some bro time with Tyrion.

Queen gotta get her "staring blankly into the middle distance" in. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Sure, she suspects Tyrion murdered their father (true!) and her son Joffrey (untrue!), but she knows Jaime has a soft spot for his valonqar, she likes Jaime, and, hey, it's nice for the two of them to get to hang out before the baby (the baby!) arrives.

Also, it never hurts to source a little timely intelligence on your biggest geopolitical foe and turn it to your advantage. But ... you know, details. Jaime and Tyrion got their bro time!

4.  Arya and Littlefinger kill some time playing hide and seek!

Skulking around a frozen castle, drilling with swords, hauling grain, and trying not to get killed by ice zombies can be stressful. What better way to relieve it than with a fun, friendly game the whole family can enjoy?

It's a small castle, but Petyr Baelish and the tiniest, most murder-y Stark are both naturals, natch. And while neither finds the other, Arya does uncover a sweet note Sansa wrote home (under duress) way back in season one, urging her brother (RIP Robb Stark) to pledge his loyalty to the Lannisters! What are the odds?

(Even pausing right on the frame, it was next to impossible to make out what this note actually, you know, said. Credit to Twitter user Daemon Blackfyre for doing the old gods' work here).

5. Pretty much everyone is really putting that teleporter to good use!

Westeros is roughly the size of South America. Yet, this season, and this episode especially, people seem to get around really, really fast. Like the Dothraki last week, Jaime two weeks ago, and Jon before that — basically everyone everywhere has been zipping across the continent at lightning speed, petting dragons one minute and stalking ice zombies the next. Going from glowering around a rocky island fortress to glowering around a distant blacksmith shop and back to glowering on that rocky island in what seems like an hour and a half.

While slow-burn character development has its place or whatever, we're on season seven here, people! Fast-forwarding this stuff is a marked improvement on previous seasons when characters would spend 17 episodes chatting and riding horses, conquering neighboring cities, or walking from one castle to another very-similar looking castle, like, five miles away.

Mad props to whatever time-traveler saw fit to drop by and introduce quantum teleportation to the Seven Kingdoms. It's a good look.

But we wouldn't want to get too ahead of ourselves, which is why it's super nice that...

6. Sam (accidentally) preserves some sense of story pacing.

Fellas, we've all been there. Your girlfriend discovers your best friend is actually the trueborn heir to the Iron Throne, thus solving the whole puzzle of the whole show, but you can't be bothered because you're mad about some dumb stuff going on in your personal life.

Nevertheless, with everyone blasting themselves to and fro over the content to get that plot stuff done, it's heroic of Sam to slam on the brakes a little here for the audience, even if it required being unreasonably rude to Gilly in the process.

Hey, at least Little Sam gets to learn how to read!

7. The gang puts aside their differences!

This terrified striding will show 'em. Image by Helen Sloan/HBO.

Yeah, it sucks that the one guy (Beric Dondarrion) sold the other guy (Gendry) to a murdering witch, and that the third guy's (Jorah's) dad's job was to kill all of another guy's (Tormund's) friends and that yet another guy (The Hound) used to work for the family that killed the guy the sixth guy (Jon) thinks is his dad but isn't. But credit to The Hound for politely pointing out that none of that matters, and really, they should all be friends and focus on finding a solution to the real head-scratcher: what to do about the horde of walking dead people slowly staggering forth to kill them all.

When you've got a suggestion in a group setting, it's always nice to put it respectfully. Cheers to The Hound for personifying class.

Random acts of niceness:

  • Davos gives those two gold cloaks some free, organic Westerosi Fermented Crab Viagra before Gendry brutally war-hammers them to death. Hope it was an enjoyable last few seconds!
  • Varys expresses some regret for being adjacent to so many murders. Points, I guess.

That's all for now! Join me next week when, hopefully, Cersei aces baby yoga, a doubled-over Littlefinger explains the whole silly prank to Sansa and Arya and the Night King calls the entire thing off after realizing eternal life is pretty cool on its own without having to kill a bunch of mortal beings to feel better about yourself.

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Neuroscientists say a simple trick will help you learn any new skill a lot faster

Learning a new skill? Here's how to quickly level-up.

guitar, learning a skill, neuroscience, music, exposure, passive exposure, gardening
via Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels

A woman learning how to play guitar.

Learning a new skill, such as playing an instrument, gardening, or picking up a new language, takes a lot of time and practice, whether that means scale training, learning about native plants, or using flashcards to memorize new words. To improve through practice, you have to perform the task repeatedly and receive feedback so you know whether you’re doing it correctly. Is my pitch correct? Did my geraniums bloom? Is my pronunciation understandable?

However, a new study by researchers at the Institute of Neuroscience at the University of Oregon shows that you can speed up these processes by adding a third element to practice and feedback: passive exposure. The good news is that passive exposure requires minimal effort and is enjoyable.

"Active learning of a... task requires both expending effort to perform the task and having access to feedback about task performance," the study authors explained. "Passive exposure to sensory stimuli, on the other hand, is relatively effortless and does not require feedback about performance."


woman reading, woman book, young woman, studying, new skills A woman reading a book.via Canva/Photos

How to pick up new skills faster?

So, if you’re learning to play the blues on guitar, listen to plenty of Howlin’ Wolf or Robert Johnson throughout the day. If you’re learning to cook, keep the Food Network on TV in the background to absorb some great culinary advice. Learning to garden? Take the time to notice the flora and fauna in your neighborhood or make frequent trips to your local botanical garden.

If you’re learning a new language, watch plenty of TV and films in the language you are learning. The scientists add that auditory learning is especially helpful, so listen to plenty of audiobooks or podcasts on the subject you’re learning about.

But, of course, you also have to be actively learning the skill as well by practicing your guitar for the recommended hours each day or by taking a class in languages. Passive exposure won't do the work for you, but it's a fantastic way to pick up things more quickly. Further, passive exposure keeps the new skill you're learning top-of-mind, so you're probably more likely to actively practice it.

What is passive exposure?

Researchers discovered the tremendous benefits of passive exposure after studying a group of mice. They trained them to find water by using various sounds to give positive or negative feedback, like playing a game of “hot or cold.” Some mice were passively exposed to these sounds when they weren't looking for water. Those who received this additional passive exposure and those who received active training learned to find the water reward more quickly.

gardening, woman gardening, gardening shears, leaning gardening, weeds A woman tending to her garden.via Canva/Photos


“Our results suggest that, in mice and in humans, a given performance threshold can be achieved with relatively less effort by combining low-effort passive exposure with active training,” James Murray, a neuroscientist who led the study, told University of Oregon News. “This insight could be helpful for humans learning an instrument or a second language, though more work will be needed to better understand how this applies to more complex tasks and how to optimize training schedules that combine passive exposure with active training.”

The one drawback to this study was that it was conducted on mice, not humans. However, recent studies on humans have found similar results, such as in sports. If you visualize yourself excelling at the sport or mentally rehearse a practice routine, it can positively affect your actual performance. Showing, once again, that when it comes to picking up a new skill, exposure is key.

The great news about the story is that, in addition to giving people a new way to approach learning, it’s an excuse for us to enjoy the things we love even more. If you enjoy listening to blues music so much that you decided to learn for yourself, it’s another reason to make it an even more significant part of your life.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

This article originally appeared last year.

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Woman's silly typo in a philosophical post is bringing thousands of people unexpected, pure joy

Sometimes one tiny error can shift the entire meaning of a sentence.

typos, grammar, errors, writing, texting, comma
Photo credit: Canva

Left: A woman typing on a laptop. Right: A closeup of the word "Grammar."

Sometimes one tiny error can shift the entire meaning of a sentence. Perhaps someone tries to sign off an email with "Take care," but instead writes "Cake care," leaving you wondering whether you somehow missed receiving a delicious pastry (or, more importantly, the instructions on how to "care" for it).

For Threads user Maureenmzobe, merely adding a single letter turned what could have been a profound question into a ridiculous one. They asked, "You are in a comma, you wake up it's 2040. What are you Googling first?"

Threads, punctuation, spelling, commas, coma, typos A person on Threads makes a typo.Photo credit: Threads/@maureenmzobe

Obviously, the OP meant to write "coma" (we're assuming), but the happy accident led to more than 3,100 hilarious responses. As you might guess, many of those answers are punctuation-related.

One Threader joked, "Better than waking up in a colon, I suppose."

Another added a much more poetic answer:

"I woke up with a comma,
felt a pause in my head,
tripped over a semicolon
before getting out of bed.
I googled an apostrophe,
ate breakfast with a dash,
spilled tea on a question mark,
now my kitchen's an exclamation crash.
I spoke in quotation marks,
whispered softly in italics,
shouted once in capital letters
when my thumb remained static.
My words ran on like a sentence
that clearly should have stopped,
but I missed the full stop,
so the meaning was sort of lost."

This commenter had further questions: "Am I in an Oxford comma, or just a regular comma? Context matters here."

Of course, one Threader had to point out the obvious:

"First, I'd Google: 'difference between comma and coma — and how long I've apparently been unconscious.' Because if I've been in a comma since 2025, I'm less worried about the future and more concerned about who punctuated my life so aggressively.
Did I pause…
take a breath…
or has existence just been one long, unnecessary clause?
Either way, I'm searching for: 'how to end a 15-year comma — semicolon acceptable?'"

And some answers were just funny: "At least be grateful you didn't come to a full stop."

This person included a little wordplay: "I came here for the commas and they did not disaperiod."

The truth, of course, is these tiny flubs can happen to anyone. In a Reddit post titled "Funniest typos/mistakes you've caught yourself making?" the OP admits, "So, we're all human and we're not perfect. We all make typos and errors every now and again, and some of them can change the meaning of a sentence entirely. What's your funniest one?"

They go on to describe their most embarrassing editorial mistake: "I'm currently editing a chapter, and instead of 'Shannon's eyes went wide and she slid away a few inches,' I wrote 'Shannon's eyes went wide and slid away a few inches.' It's one pronoun. And yet without it, her eyes slide off her face. It made me giggle."

The post received 85 comments, most of them from people sharing their own unfortunate typos.

A Redditor shared, "I tried to type 'memento' one time and ended up getting autocorrected to 'Meme and toad' for some odd reason. Looking back I probably threw in a space on accident." Luckily, this person truly enjoyed the outcome: "Meme and Toad are the best of friends."

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I showed my Gen Z kids 'Dead Poets Society' and their angry reactions to it floored me

"Inspiring" apparently means different things to Gen X and Gen Z.

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, gen x and gen z differences
Rotten Tomatoes Classic Trailers/YouTube

Robin Williams played inspiring English teacher John Keating in "Dead Poets Society."

As a Gen X parent of Gen Z teens and young adults, I'm used to cringing at things from 80s and 90s movies that haven't aged well. However, a beloved film from my youth that I thought they'd love, "Dead Poets Society," sparked some unexpectedly negative responses in my kids, shining a spotlight on generational differences I didn't even know existed.

I probably watched "Dead Poets Society" a dozen or more times as a teen and young adult, always finding it aesthetically beautiful, tragically sad, and profoundly inspiring. That film was one of the reasons I decided to become an English teacher, inspired as I was by Robin Williams' portrayal of the passionately unconventional English teacher, John Keating.

The way Mr. Keating shared his love of beauty and poetry with a class of high school boys at a stuffy prep school, encouraging them to "seize the day" and "suck all the marrow out of life," hit me right in my idealistic youthful heart. And when those boys stood up on their desks for him at the end of the film, defying the headmaster who held their futures in his hands? What a moving moment of triumph and support.

My Gen Z kids, however, saw the ending differently. They did love the feel of the film, which I expected with its warm, cozy, comforting vibe (at least up until the last 20 minutes or so). They loved Mr. Keating, because how can you not? But when the movie ended, I was taken aback hearing "That was terrible!" and "Why would you traumatize me like that?" before they also admitted, "But it was so gooood!"

- YouTube youtu.be

The traumatize part I actually get—I'd forgotten just how incredibly heavy the film gets all of a sudden. (A caveat I feel the need to add here: Gen Z uses the word "traumatize" not in a clinical sense but as an exaggerative term for being hit unexpectedly by something sad or disturbing. They know they weren't literally traumatized by the movie.)

But in discussing it further, I discovered three main generational differences that impacted my kids' "Dead Poets Society" viewing experience and what they took away from it.

1) Gen Z sees inspiring change through a systemic lens, not an individual one

The first thing my 20-year-old said when the credits rolled was, "What? That's terrible! Nothing changed! He got fired and the school is still run by a bunch of stodgy old white men forcing everyone to conform!" My immediate response was, "Yeah, but he changed those boys' individual lives, didn't he? He helped broaden their minds and see the world differently."

o captain my captain, dead poets society Individual impact isn't as inspiring to Gen Z as it was to Gen X. Giphy

I realized that Gen X youth valued individuals going against the old, outdated system and doing their own thing, whereas Gen Z values the dismantling of the system itself. For Gen X, Mr. Keating and the boys taking a stand was inspiring, but the fact that it didn't actually change anything outside of their own individual experiences stuck like a needle in my Gen Z kids' craw.

2) Gen Z isn't accustomed to being blindsided by tragic storylines with no warning

To be fair, I did tell them there was "a sad part" before the movie started. But I'd forgotten how deeply devastating the last part of the movie was, so my daughter's "Why would you do that to me?!" was somewhat warranted. "I thought maybe a dog would die or something!" she said. No one really expected one of the main characters to die by suicide and the beloved teacher protagonist to be blamed for his death, but I'd somehow minimized the tragedy of it all in my memory so my "sad part" warning was a little insufficient.

But also to be fair, Gen X youth never got any such warnings—we were just blindsided by tragic plot twists all the time. As kids, we cheered on Atreyu trying to save his horse from the swamp in "The Neverending Story" only to watch him drown. Adults showed us "Watership Down" thinking it would be a cute little animated film about bunnies. We were slapped in the face by the tragic child death in "My Girl," which was marketed as a sweet coming of age movie.

Gen Z was raised in the era of trigger warnings and trauma-informed practices, while Gen X kids watched a teacher die on live TV in our classrooms with zero follow-up on how we were processing it. Those differences became apparent real quick at the end of this movie.

The Never Ending Story Atreyu GIFfrom The Never Ending Story GIFs


3) Gen Z fixates on boundary-crossing behavior that Gen X either overlooked or saw as more nuanced

The other reaction I wasn't expecting was the utter disdain my girls showed for Knox Overstreet, the sweet-but-over-eager character who fell for the football player's cheerleader girlfriend. His boundary-crossing attempts to woo her were always cringe, but for Gen X, cringe behavior in the name of love was generally either overlooked, tolerated, or sometimes even celebrated. (Standing on a girl's lawn in the middle of the night holding a full-volume stereo over your head was peak romance for Gen X, remember.) For Gen Z, the only thing worse than cringe is predatory behavior, which Knox's obsessiveness and pushiness could arguably be seen as. My own young Gen X lens saw Knox and said, "That's a bit much, dude. Take it down a notch or three." My Gen Z daughters' lens said, "That guy's a total creepo. She needs to run far the other way."

run, red flag behavior Gen Z is much more black and white about behaviors than previous generations. Giphy Red Flag Run GIF by BuzzFeed

On one hand, I was proud of them for recognizing red flag behaviors and calling them out. On the other hand, I saw how little room there is for nuance in their perceptions, which was…interesting.

To be clear, I don't think my Gen Z kids' reactions to "Dead Poets Society" are wrong; they're just different than mine were at their age. We're usually on the same page when it comes to these kinds of analyses, so seeing them have a drastically different reaction to something I loved at their age was really something. Now I'm wondering what other favorite movies from my youth I should show them to see if they view those differently as well—hopefully without "traumatizing" them too much with the experience.

This article originally appeared in January.

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2,000 people sing directly to ICE agents in Minneapolis, beautifully imploring them to come together

The "singing resistance" choir shows the power of incorporating art into peaceful protests.

singing resistance, singing protest, ice protest, minneapolis, non-violent resistance
Courtesy of @dougpagitt/Instagram

The "singing resistance" is growing in Minneapolis and beyond.

From the night the Sons of Liberty dumped hundreds of chests of tea into Boston Harbor in 1773, Americans have protested government policies and actions they disagree with in various ways. Some have staged peaceful sit-ins, while others have rioted in rage. Millions have marched to make their voices heard, carrying signs and chanting slogans that express their displeasure with what's happening in their country.

But occasionally, a unique form of protest stands out. Several weeks into the ICE operation in Minneapolis, in which the federal government sent 2,000+ agents and officers to carry out "the largest immigration operation ever," and which has led to disruptions at schools, conflict between federal agents and the community, and the killing of U.S. citizens, thousands of Minnesota residents have taken to the streets in protest. Among them is a growing band of singers who, instead of calling out the government with shouting and chants, are calling in the federal agents with songs and signs, inviting them to join the resistance.

It's a different approach to take, tapping into the humanity of individual agents instead of confronting the government as a whole. But 2,000 people have added their voices to the "singing resistance," forming a massive choir. They gather at a church to practice their songs, then take their message to the places where ICE agents are staying, singing:

We walk the same ground

We've been torn apart

Put down your weapons

And sing your part


The effect of combining the arts with our constitutional right to peacefully assemble is powerful, and the signs the singing resisters are holding are, too: "Please ICE agents. Join Us." "Love > Fear," "Choose Humanity. Quit ICE." "Stop the Violence." "We Are Family." "Be the hero that walks away." "The time is always right to do what is right." "You, too, are here to love and be loved."

The Singing Resistance Instagram account shared the heart of the message the singers hope to send to ICE agents, imploring them to quit their jobs and join "the side of love and humanity":

"Under federal occupation, Minneapolis has been going through immense pain, rage, and grief. But when they come at us with violence, we fight back with love. We still have space in our hearts for ICE agents who are willing to walk away from the path of violence and take accountability for harm they’ve caused. We paid ICE agents a visit today to call them home."

Another song they sang says:

It’s okay to change your mind
Show us your courage
Leave this behind
It’s okay to change your mind
And you can join us
Join us here anytime

The idea of inviting agents and officers to join a resistance movement isn't without precedent. Singing resistance organizers shared that they were inspired by the Otpor! civil resistance that helped overthrow Serbian dictator Slobodan Milosevic in 2000. Otpor! members would chant, "You may not join us today, but you can join us tomorrow," when they were arrested by the police. Ultimately, when hundreds of thousands marched on Belgrade, most of the police and military joined the opposition and refused to follow Milosevic's orders to fire on the protesters.

According to an Ipsos poll conducted on January 30 and 31, 2026, a full 62 percent of U.S. adults feel ICE’s actions go too far, compared to 13 percent who think they don't go far enough and 23 percent who said it was about right. That disapproval is four points higher than the week before, indicating that the ICE operations are unpopular with Americans, even those who normally support the Trump administration's policies.

People from all over the United States shared words of encouragement for the choir, expressing how moved they are by the singing resistance:

"I love how the singing is both dissent/resistance and it feeds hope and replenishes energy. It is so soul-nourishing. I’d love to be a part of this! Sending my love and care to you all from Maryland as a MN born and raised woman. Sing on!!!"

"I think the music resistance is very effective and moving. Thank you for all your fine efforts from way over here in upstate New York. Thank you for standing up for all of us in the country."

"We are one chord, beautiful beautiful voices thank you so much for sharing Minnesota. I’m a musician and singer here in Eugene, Or, and when I hear hundreds of you singing like that, I cannot tell you how healing it is for me how powerful and indeed how brave."

"I have a song in my heart again! After weeks of crying crying in despair, thank you for singing us into a hopeful future of healing, reconciliation, and RESISTANCE❤️

"This is more revolutionary than so many know."

"Prince left his legacy forever. Minneapolis strong."

"This reminds me of Estonia's singing revolution and I'm here for it. ❤️❤️"

The Singing Resistance account has shared a toolkit and songbook and organized a virtual training on how to organize a local singing resistance choir for those interested in doing something similar.

The right to peacefully assemble and voice our disagreement with our government is guaranteed in the Constitution, and there are many creative ways to do it. When people are singing in harmony in the street, it not only gets attention, but it's hard to criticize or confront that kind of peaceful protest. (Imagine the optics of trying to break up a peacefully singing crowd.) Will the choir's earworms calling to their humanity really make a difference with any ICE agents in Minneapolis? Time will tell. In the meantime, people around the world are hearing them loud and clear and joining the harmonious chorus of non-violent resistance.

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British etiquette expert shares 5 simple tips for people who think they're 'above small talk'

"You don't hate small talk. you're just terrible at it."

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends
Photo credit: Canva

Two men having a conversation

You probably heard plenty of people say they hate small talk. You might even consider yourself someone who loathes it. One of the most common arguments against small talk is that it’s “superficial,” energy draining, and doesn’t foster a real human connection.

Well, according to British etiquette enthusiast and content creator on all things conversation-related (not to mention author) Michael Baker, “You don’t hate small talk. You’re just terrible at it.”

In an Instagram post, Baker argued that those who see small talk as “beneath them” are failing to see it as a “test” (for compatibility, connection, shared values, etc.), which will inevitably lead to getting “left out.”

He then gave five tips to help folks shift that mindset and make small talk work for them. Honestly, even those who aren’t adamantly against small talk might find themselves guilty of some of these mistakes and could benefit from making these tweaks.

five, five fingers, five tips, man, advice, help Young man holds up his hand to show five.Photo credit: Canva

#1 Avoid answering questions too literally

Perhaps in an attempt to be authentic, or to avoid taking up all the oxygen in the room, people might use responses that are accurate and succinct, but not exactly conversational. This doesn’t give the other person anything to “bounce off of,” which is what’s really being asked for.

To remedy this, Baker suggests to always give a real response plus a “hook.” He gave the example of saying “Mostly work, but I’m trying to teach myself how to play guitar. Chaos!” when asked, “What have you been up to?” rather than saying “Not much, just working.”

#2 Don’t ask questions like it’s a job interview

Baker says ask “open-ended, low-stakes” questions like “what’s keeping you busy outside of work?” to invite a sense of “play.” Conversely, asking things like “where are you from?” invites a sense of formality, pressuring people to “perform.”

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends Two women having a conversation at a coffee shop. Photo credit: Canva

#3 Allow depth to come in naturally

Since the thought of shallow conversation might seem uncomfortable, those who are small talk-averse might find themselves immediately asking overarching existential questions like, “What drives you?” Baker argues that one must trust that “shallow comes before depth,” and must be used as a “warm-up act.” Otherwise, people are put on the spot unnecessarily, which obviously doesn't foster connection.

#4 Initiate conversation instead of only speaking when spoken to

What may seem like “politeness” can come across as unapproachable. The good thing is: this is an opportunity for some “low-pressure,” even “lightly self-deprecating” observations. Baker used the example of saying, “That snack table’s dangerously close to me.”

#5 Treat small talk as the “main event”

social skills, michael baker, conversation tips, small talk, small talk tips, social science, how to be social, making friends Two women talking as the leave a yoga classPhoto credit: Canva

This might be the biggest tip of all. Here, Baker reminds us that for the majority of human interaction, small talk is the way in, and therefore should be “respected.” Virtually no one is going to say, “Let’s network,” but odds are they’ll easily comment on the weather. It’s our job to learn what they’re really saying with this mundane phrase.

Because, at the end of the day, “if you keep waiting for ‘real’ conversation, you’ll miss all the real opportunities,” Baker writes.

After reading these tips, you very well might still loathe the idea of small talk, which is totally fine. It doesn’t have to be for everyone, nor should it. But what Baker really presents here is a way to reflect on whether or not our attitudes are preventing us from making valuable connections. If we suspect that might be the case, then it could be worth experimenting with some of these tools.

If you’d like even more tips, Baker has a guide aptly titled Let’s Not Make It Weird, which you can check out here.

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