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Moms reveal 5 things they wish they could tell their younger selves about motherhood

Moms reveal 5 things they wish they could tell their younger selves about motherhood
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Motherhood is a journey unlike any other, and one that is nearly impossible to prepare for. No matter how many parenting books you read, how many people you talk to, how many articles you peruse before having kids, your children will emerge as completely unique creatures who impact your world in ways you could never have anticipated.

Those of us who have been parenting for a while have some wisdom to share from experience. Not that older moms know everything, of course, but hindsight can offer some perspective that's hard to find when you're in the thick of early motherhood.

Upworthy asked our readers who are moms what they wish they could tell their younger selves about motherhood, and the responses were both honest and wholesome. Here's what they said:

Lighten up. Don't sweat the small stuff.

One of the most common responses was to stop worrying about the little things so much, try to be present with your kids, and enjoy the time you have with them:

"Relax and enjoy them. If your house is a mess, so be it. Stay in the moment as they are temporary..more so than you think, sometimes. We lost our beautiful boy to cancer 15+yrs ago. I loved him more than life itself..💔 "- Janet

"Don't worry about the dishes, laundry and other chores. Read the kids another book. Go outside and make a mud pie. Throw the baseball around a little longer. Color another picture. Take more pictures and make sure you are in the pictures too! My babies are 19 and 17 and I would give anything to relive an ordinary Saturday from 15 years ago." - Emma H.

"Spend more time just listening, even when what they say is the same thing over and over again! Some of my funniest memories were conversations I had with my kiddos...sad to think I may have missed something because I was so distracted with other things." - Mysti R.

"Relax a little. You don't need to spend every moment terrified. I wish I had known they were going to become responsible, productive adults so I could have just enjoyed their childhood." - Amy S.

"I wish I had learned to pick my battles when my kids were younger. You want to wear that same super hero outfit 3 days in a row? Fine. As long as you wash and brush your teeth. *Now, as a grandma, this is the advice I give my daughter most often. Stop stressing about all the little things." - Debbie P.

"It's almost never, EVER as big of a deal as you think it is. The spills, the broken things, the bickering, the pickiness at dinner time.... it's going to be fine. Chill." - Becca L.

"Spend more time making good memories and let the little mistakes be ignored. The housework and laundry will still be there. If they ask you to do something, do it now, before they don't ask anymore because they have things to do with their friends. Love them, hug them and tell them you love them often!" - Diane S.

Take care of yourself, psychologically and physically.

There are a couple of angles here that are important for moms. One is to get help with your own childhood traumas because they'll definitely become apparent to you when you have kids of your own.

"Go to therapy and work on those childhood traumas before having kids." - Melissa P.

"Generational trauma is real! Take some classes! Work on yourself before you have kids." - Cherry S.

And two, don't ignore your own needs. It's okay to take time for basic self-care.

"Put the baby down, let her cry a bit, go to the bathroom, take a shower, change your clothes, eat something healthy and she'll still grow up to be normal." - Chetna F.

Don't let the "enjoy every moment" advice derail you.

One of the most common refrains moms of young kids hear from older moms is "Enjoy every second! It goes by so fast!" and many of the commenters in our post said just that. The problem is it's not really possible to enjoy every second of motherhood, and it doesn't feel like it goes by fast when you're in the thick of it. For moms who are deep in the adorable but messy, sleep-deprived, relentless baby and toddler stage, "enjoy every moment" is not always helpful advice, even if it's coming from a place of knowing how quickly it passes.

These comments provided a nice balanced approach to this advice, acknowledging that the days are long but the years are short:

"'Don't wish away their childhoods.' My mother-in-law said this to me. I remember always thinking it will be easier when they can sit up, walk, read on their own....and so on...because it was so 'busy' raising 3 kids who were so close in age. Now they are all grown up and have moved away to their own lives and it certainly is not 'busy' here anymore. Miss those days." - Karen R.

"Yes, enjoy the time, as it goes by so fast; however, be patient with yourself as you are only human. If you are doing what is best for your child, and are trying to parent in a loving, responsible manner, no one is able to do it perfectly. Be patient with yourself as well as your kiddos." - Judy N.

"Unpopular opinion, it's ok to not enjoy every moment. Some of the moments of motherhood are hard, like gut wrenching, soul sucking, exhaustingly hard. And it's ok to not enjoy those moments. Do enjoy the giggles, the smiles, the milestones, the growth, the hugs, the kisses, the sweet sound of their voices, but don't feel guilty for not enjoying every minute. ❤️" - Nicole W.

Real talk—it's actually wicked hard sometimes.

Some moms wished they could tell themselves that it would be harder than they thought and that it's okay to talk about that. So often, moms feel like they can't talk about the hard parts because of course we love our children and what kind of mother complains about the precious gift of motherhood?

While we share the immense, intense joy that often accompanies motherhood, we also should be real about the less-than-magical experiences as well. The exhaustion alone—phew. And when you have a particularly challenging phase—or a particularly challenging child—motherhood is not all sunshine and roses.

"All the things that were 'hidden' or 'unspoken' about motherhood... how hard it would all be, that it is not automatic magic and joy, that conception doesn't just happen, how real postpartum depression is, and how misleading it is to pretend everything is perfect and you couldn't be happier (and how much shame we carry because it isn't)." - Rachel J.

"Exactly what my mother told me… You are going to be tired for the rest of your life 😊." - Francesca A.

"It's the most exhausting underappreciated, and beautiful thing you'll ever do in your life." - Kathleen G.

Take photos. Keep the goal in mind. Pace yourself. You're doing great.

There were so many great tidbits of wisdom—here are a few to tuck in your pocket:

"Take pictures with your kids, not of them. These are the photos they will cherish and pass down for generations." - Teresa C.

"Try to remember that the goal is to raise adults, not eternal children, so encourage their creativity, their independence, their empathy for others, their kindness." - Louise W.

"It is everything you wish for and nothing you expected. Enjoy sleeping in now cause later you're not gonna want to miss a beat. Motherhood is a marathon not a sprint. Be good to you. ❤" - Karytza M.

"I would say slow down and take it all in. Relax, things don't need to be perfect and everything will work out. Your baby WILL sleep, you won't lose your mind (much 😆) and it will be in the past sooner than you realize and you can't get it back so do your best to enjoy the beautiful moments. And you're doing GREAT!" - Tusha W.

You are doing great, mamas. Keep calm (or at least try to) and carry on.

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Visit Sweden
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Sweden makes stunning decision to trademark its name to avoid confusion

The country is taking historic steps to fix the problem.

via Visit Sweden (used with permission)

A Swedish woman taking things into her own hands.

True

Sweden has existed for over 1,000 years, but travelers across the globe are confused because other places, inspired by the country’s untouched beauty and joyously inclusive culture, have taken its name.

Seven other places in the world call themselves Sweden, so to distinguish itself from the name-alikes, the Kingdom of Sweden is taking a bold, historic step that no country has before. It’s become the first to apply to trademark its name with the European Union Intellectual Property Office.

Visit Sweden likens the country’s problem to a luxury brand that has to contend with dupes, knockoffs, or bootlegs that fall short of the glory of the genuine article.

“It’s flattering that other places want to be called Sweden, but let’s be honest, there should only be one. Our Sweden. The one with the Northern Lights, endless forests, and the world’s best flat-pack furniture,” says Susanne Andersson, CEO at Visit Sweden.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

By trademarking its name, Sweden will make things much less confusing for travelers worldwide. It’d be a shame for someone looking to visit Sweden’s majestic Lapland to mistakenly wind up in a place with no reindeer, Aurora Borealis, or cloudberries to be found.

The world-class research team at Visit Sweden knew it had to act when it realized that other destinations with the same name had tripped up travelers. People looking to vacation in Portland, Oregon, have accidentally wound up in Portland, Maine. Travelers yearning to experience the fall in Manchester, New Hampshire, have been deplaning in Manchester, England. “It happens more than you think!” the researchers admitted.


sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation The Northern Lights in Sweden. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Jann Lipka/imagebank.sweden.se

The E.U. Intellectual Property Office must act swiftly and allow Sweden to trademark its name so that travelers worldwide don’t miss the opportunity to experience an utterly unique country known for its serene landscapes, commitment to deep relaxation and personal freedom.

No one should ever miss out on staying on one of Sweden’s 267,570 islands, more than any other country. The Swedish archipelagos offer luxurious glamping, peaceful hikes, tranquil solitude and awe-inspiring, pristine nature.

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A woman camping in the Swedish archipelago.via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Anders Klapp/imagebank.sweden.se


Sweden is a beautiful place to visit all year round, with bright summers, colorful falls, vibrant springs and dark, crisp winters. It is also a place to delight your tastebuds with a cuisine centered on healthy, locally sourced produce, with some preparation methods dating back to the Viking era.

The original Sweden is a place where one can relish Old World European history while also enjoying the modern pleasures of the most progressive countries in the world. Travelers can be whisked back into history by visiting the Naval Port of Karlskona, a well-preserved European naval town from 1680. Or, enjoy cutting-edge design, delicacies, art, music and culture in hip metropolitan destinations such as Stockholm or Sweden’s “coolest city,” Gothenburg.

Did we mention Sweden has an ABBA museum? Wait till the other 7 Swedens find out about that.

As you can see, Sweden is an incredibly unique destination that cannot be duplicated. It would be a tragedy for anyone intending to visit the original Sweden to mistakenly find themselves in a name-alike place that lacks its Scandinavian charm. You can do your part to stop the confusion by signing a petition to let Sweden trademark Sweden at Visit Sweden (the original).

sweden, visit sweden, swedish vacation A Swedish Midsommar celebration. via Visit Sweden, Photographer: Stefan Berg/Folio/imagebank.sweden.se

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Woman who was pressured to quit her job to raise stepdaughter's baby makes a bold decision

This sparked an important conversation about family responsibility.

via Pixabay

When parents can't step up, should grandparents step in?

A story that recently went viral on Reddit’s AITA forum asks an important question: What is a parent’s role in taking care of their grandchildren? The story is even further complicated because the woman at the center of the controversy is a stepparent.

At the time of writing her post, the woman, 38, met her husband Sam, 47, ten years ago, when his daughter, Leah, 25, was 15. The couple married five years ago after Leah had moved out to go to college.

Leah’s mom passed away when she was 10.

When Leah became pregnant she wanted to keep the baby, but her boyfriend didn’t. After the disagreement, the boyfriend broke up with her. This forced Leah to move back home because she couldn’t afford to be a single parent and live alone on a teacher’s salary.

Leah’s story is familiar to many young mothers facing similar difficulties.

The father isn’t involved in the baby’s life as a caretaker or financially. Sadly, research shows that 33% of all children in the U.S. are born without their biological fathers living in the home.

a young mother holds her baby

Single motherhood comes with unique hardships.

via Alexander Grey/Unsplash

The new mother is a teacher and can’t afford to live on her own with a child. In 2019, a study found that out the top 50 U.S. cities, Pittsburgh is the only one where a new teacher could afford rent.

Today, Portland, OR has joined the very short list of cities where an "average teacher can afford 91.3% of apartments within community distance of their school" according to a recent study.

The stressors of taking care of the baby made Leah realize she needed help.

“But once she had the baby around 4 months back, Leah seemed to realize having a baby is not the sunshine and rainbows she thought it was,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “She barely got any sleep during the last four months. All the while Sam was helping her with the baby while I did almost all chores myself.”

“Now her leave is ending. She did not want to leave the baby at daycare or with a nanny,” the woman continued. “Sam and I both work as well.”

Leah asked her stepmother if she would stay home with the baby. The stepmother said no because she never wanted to have a baby and she has a job. “I asked why Leah can't stay home with the baby herself,” the woman wrote. “She said how she was young and had to build a career. I said many people take breaks to raise kids, and she broke down crying about how she was so tired all the time being a mom and needed something else in her life too.”

A woman holds a newborn baby.

The demands of new motherhood are usually all-encompassing.

via Pixabay

After the woman told her stepdaughter no, her husband pressured her to stay home with the baby. But she refused to give up her job to raise her stepdaughter’s child. “Leah said yesterday how she wished her mom was alive since she would have had her back. She said I didn't love her, and my husband is also mad at me,” the woman wrote. The woman asked the Reddit community if she was in the wrong for “refusing to help my stepdaughter with the baby,” and the community responded with rapturous support.

"[The woman] should tell her husband to knock it off and stop trying to pressure her into raising his daughter’s baby. If he wants a family member to look after her baby while she works, then he can do it," user Heavy_Sand5228 wrote.

"This is Leah's baby that she alone chose to have. That doesn't obligate you to change YOUR life to suit her desires. The whole business of saying you don't love her because you won't quit your job to watch her baby is manipulative and messed up, and I'm shocked your husband is siding with her," user SupremeCourtJust-a** added.

Leah and many women like her are in this situation because, in many places, teachers are underpaid, rent is high, and not all dads pay child support, even those required by law.

Another commenter noted that the baby is much more the father’s responsibility than the stepmother's. "To add, Leah should consider seeking child support from her ex. Her kid should be getting that money," Obiterdicta wrote.

While there are resources to help stepparents connect with their stepchildren and step-grandchildren, it's important to remember that the responsibility to raise a child ultimately rests with the parent(s).

This article originally appeared last year.

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Family

Mom shares the hard truth about men who want kids versus those who want to be fathers

There's a huge difference between the two.

via Canva/Photos

A lazy dad versus an attentive father.

Many men say they want kids, but does that mean they also want to take on the full responsibilities of being a father? That’s the big question at the crux of a recent viral TikTok post that everyone who wants kids with a man should consider. The question has traditionally been, “Does he want kids?” but Abby Eckel thinks we must dig deeper.

Abby Eckel is a social media influencer and blogger who discusses women’s rights, focusing on equal division of labor in the home. In her video, she breaks down the differences between the 2 types of men. “Men are taught to want kids, but not how to be dads. There are lots of men that want to have kids. There are fewer men that want to be dads, and it's really important, as women, that we discern between the two, because they're not the same,” Eckel says.

What’s the difference between being a dad and being a father?

“A man that wants kids, he's thinking legacy. He's thinking caring on the family name, having little mini-me's running around, having kids running around, the milestones, the highlight reel,” Eckel continues. “Very few men though, when they think about, ‘I want to be a father’, are they thinking about the daily grind task, the midnight feedings, the diaper changes, the to and from of the inevitable sports that they'll play.”

@abbyeckel

I cannot emphasize these differences enough.

Eckels question is fundamental because if someone mistakes a man saying “I want kids” with “I want to be a father,” they may unwittingly sign themselves up as the default parent in a relationship. They will have to assume the mental load of parenting because dad fails to take any initiative. In this arrangement, the dad simply becomes someone who plays with the kids on occasion and has to be told what to do. This places the default parent in a position where it’s nearly impossible not to develop some resentment for their spouse.

On the other hand, a man who wants to be a father will be proactive and an equal partner in parenting duties.



Eckel believes that a big reason why some men fail to step up and become fathers is because they weren’t taught to be nurturing as children. “We bombard boys with messages about being providers, protectors. But when's the last time you actually saw a boy being taught how to nurture? How many young male babysitters do you have on your roster? I don't have any. How many little boys do you see walking around with a baby doll, feeding her, changing her diaper?” she asked.

The post resonated with many of Eckel’s followers, who think there are a lot of men out there who aren’t stepping up and taking responsibility. “Same for being married. Do they just want a wife, or do they want to BE a husband,” Dana wrote. “Being a Father and being a Dad are 2 different things. Your father is the person who helped create you, your dad is the man who helped raise you. They're not always the same person,” Izzie added.

“If you really want to see how a family acts, go to any theme park and watch a family of three or more. You can see just how much the mother goes through in a day with the kids while the father eats snacks,” Athena commented.

Ultimately, Eckel says the difference between a dad and a father is someone who takes initiative. “So, before you have kids with a man, watch how they handle responsibility. Do they take initiative on things, or are they always sitting back waiting for you to tell them what to do? Do they notice what needs to be done without being asked?” she explained.

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Star neuroscientist Andrew Huberman breaks down two simple exercises to improve vision

The eyes are muscles like any other and need both stimulation and relaxation.

Canva

Treat the eyes like a muscle. Give them exercise and relaxation.

We spend a lot of time looking at things up close, particularly our screens. For many of us, it’s the first thing we look at in the morning, the last thing we look at before going to sleep, and the thing we look at most during all those hours in between. According to a study commissioned by Vision Direct, the average American will spend 44 years looking at a screen. You read that right. Over. Four. Decades.

Really, it’s no wonder that eyesight has worsened. Experts have declared that myopia, aka nearsightedness, has grown to an epidemic level. In addition, we suffer more headaches and migraines, get poor sleep, and tend to feel more fatigued.

Luckily, there are a few things we can do to help, whether we boast 20/20 vision or are already constantly squinting.

Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, well known for his podcast “Huberman Lab,” breaks down all kinds of science-based life hacks for health, wellness, and fitness.

In addition to studying the brain, one of Huberman’s main research topics is vision. In a video, Huberman shares two simple exercises that can dramatically help improve eyesight.

First and foremost, we need to allow our vision to relax.

You can’t do this just by looking up from your computer screen. Instead, Huberman suggests going to a window and looking out at a point in the distance. Ideally, you would open the window because windows filter out a lot of the blue light and sunlight that you want during the daytime. Better yet, go to a balcony, relax your eyes, and look out at the horizon. This allows the eyes to relax and go into panoramic vision, relieving stress and fatigue.

According to Huberman, you should be doing some kind of relaxation of the eyes, face, and jaw for every 30 minutes of focused work—which works out to at least every 90 minutes.

Second, stimulate the eyes by focusing on motion.

Smooth pursuit is our natural ability to track individual objects moving through space. You can train or improve your vision simply by stimulating this mechanism. To do this, Huberman suggests taking a few minutes each day or every three days to visually track a ball. Or, get outside and watch objects move around. Think swooping birds, falling leaves, etc. If you couldn’t tell, Huberman is a big proponent of going outside.

Bottom line: Our eyes are muscles. Just like our biceps, they need stimulation and relaxation, and while we might not be able to get this kind of nourishment from our tiny screens, nature provides.

This article originally appeared last year.

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Nurse sews thoughtful gifts for grieving moms to take home after delivering angel babies

"You make sure she doesn't go home empty handed."

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash
baby's white and black bassinet

Giving birth is one of the sweetest and most transformational life events. But for mothers who deliver angel babies (those who do not make it through delivery or pass shortly after birth), it becomes utterly devastating. To comfort mothers during this heart aching time, a labor and delivery nurse decided to create a comforting gift for grieving mothers to bring home.

"POV: your patient just gained an angel baby 🪽 and you make sure she doesn't go home empty handed," she writes in the video as she cuts baby blankets into the shape of a heart. "So you get to work. Measure out rice the exact birth weight of her angel. And start to make a casing out of her baby blanket."

@thelabornursern

#grief #loss #fetalloss #pregnancy #labordeliverynurses #laboranddelivery #griefandloss #laboranddeliverynurse #nursing #nursesoftiktok #nursetok #nurselife

The camera pans to three bags of dry rice placed on the baby blanket. From there, she begins to sew the blanket that is filled with rice. "Sutures to sew the fabric," she adds, with footage of herself hand-stitching every seam of the blanket. "It's almost ready 🪽 Then we fill the casing with rice, measured to her baby's birth weight so she will always have this to hold onto."

The video ends with a final look at the filled and finished pillow. "Time to give it to her ❤️🪽" she adds.

And the heartfelt gesture received such a positive response from her followers and mothers of angel babies. "as a momma of an angel baby, you are doing so much more than you can ever think by doing this! bless you ❤️," one wrote. Another added, "As a mama who left the hospital without my baby, thank you THANK YOU. I felt so alone leaving the hospital, held my belly the entire ride home then walked into a home full of baby stuff and no baby."

And another angel baby mom shared, "As a stillbirth mama, leaving the hospital without my baby was torture. Having something weighted to hold would have brought comfort. You're so sweet for making this!!! 💗💗"

The aching experience was described by another angel mom in the comments. "My son was stillborn earlier this year. One thing I could have never anticipated was how much my arms literally ached to hold him. Our bodies do not understand our baby died, and we instinctually need something to hold. This is such a beautiful gift," she commented.

The TikTok community expressed interest in donating sewing machines to help her, so she shared an informative video with her followers on how they can donate to their local hospitals' labor and delivery units.

https://www.tiktok.com/@thelabornursern/photo/7435010215562480938 [THIS IS COMING UP AS AN ERROR WHEN I TRY TO INSERT?]

In another video update, she shared with her followers that she purchased a portable sewing machine to streamline the sewing process of the blankets. "I ordered a portable sewing machine to keep in my locker! And a few of my coworkers want to get together once a month and premake these for our unit."

TikTok · thelabornursern

TikTok · thelabornursernwww.tiktok.com

9732 likes, 57 comments. “Replying to @Rachel Wagner”

She added, "So many of you wanted to jump in and donate, and that is faith in humanity restored. Thank you to each and every one from the bottom of my heart."


@thelabornursern

Replying to @Mykal it was my first time using this, and you were right Mykal it is a little difficult to use. it threw me for a loop so ill be practicing until I can do it blind folded

"Here's an update on the portable sewing machine that I got. It actually is really hard to use...it will definitely take some practice, but I'll get it," she says in the voiceover.

The kind gesture by this labor and delivery nurse made a deep impact, spurring angel baby moms to share their stories and the real impact her empathy has created.

Mental Health

The heartbreaking reasons why men respond with 'I'm fine' when they're actually not

This is something women may need to look at.

Photo credit: Canva

Men respond with 'I'm fine' for heartbreaking reasons

Society often portrays men as logical creatures who are good problem solvers because they don't have all these emotions that get in the way. It's something that's often wielded as this superpower that men have over their female counterparts. This isn't anything of men's doing, at least not men from the last several generations.

This "logical non-emotional" stereotype was thrust upon them in much the same way as the stereotype that women are "too emotional" and borderline hysterical when things don't go their way. There's no getting around bumping into this general thought process or at least the remnants of it on a near daily basis. Because it's so prevalent in societal norms in much of the western world, men and women subconsciously internalize these things.

But anyone who has raised both genders are aware that boys and girls are equally as emotional, it's just that they start receiving very different messages about that emotionality from a very early age. Starting around preschool age boys begin to hear, "big boys don't cry" while they watch their younger sister or classmate receive comforting and kind words when they begin to cry. When it comes to young girls, they're often given more responsibilities at an earlier age whether it's teachers picking girls more often for "classroom helper" or parents focusing more on their daughter cleaning up after themselves than their sons because "boys are messy."

Toughen Up Pop Tv GIF by Big Brother After DarkGiphy

Many examples of this exist so before too long it would seem that both genders are getting gendered messaging about themselves and each other. But in recent years there has been a shift in people wanting men to get in touch with their emotions as to not feed into the societal American norm of toxic masculinity. This focus on men's emotional well-being comes on the heels of research showing the harmful effects of enforcing restrictive gender roles. According to United Way, "restrictive gender norms often limit children’s potential and opportunities, affect their self-esteem and mental health, and shape their relationships with peers."

As society shifts to be more flexible with gender norms, men are beginning to not only admit to having feelings other than anger or happiness, but are expressing them. Or at least, they're attempting to express them according to the overwhelming repetitive response to a question posed on Reddit. A user asks, "men, why do you say you're fine when you're not" and the answers were heartbreaking.

Im Fine Episode 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy

One person responds with, "Because I think most believe that nobody truly gives a f*ck," which was quickly backed up by others with personal stories.

Another shares, "Honestly, no one really listens. You get about five words in and people decide where they think you’re going with this. Then they talk about that thing instead of what you’re talking about no matter what you say. Its usually easier for me to work through and process things myself than put the effort into fighting to be understood."

"My wife and I are having this problem right now. She finally blew up at me and said I don't talk to her anymore and I told her it's because she doesn't listen. I'll explain my thoughts or intentions in deep detail, but after the first 10 words or so she thinks she totally understands and tunes out everything else. Which ends up being cyclical, because she'll get mad that I didn't tell her something when in fact I did. Just easier to not say anything at all at this point, or keep answers to one subject and 10 words or less," someone chimes in adding to the sentiment of not being heard.

Season 3 Hug GIF by Black SailsGiphy

One man explains the rules he has learned, "My entire life as a man, I've been taught two things. I need to be coming up with solutions to problems. And if I'm not useful, I'm useless. The moment I ask for help or show that I need help with a problem rather than being the one helping with a problem, I am then regarded as the problem. When I am the problem, I'm not useful; see above."

Another reveals expressing emotions results in him comforting others, "Because if I tell you I'm not fine, it inexplicably somehow turns into me trying to comfort and reassure you. No, it's not because of you. No I'm not mad that you thought this was all about you. Well you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm sorry you're upset now. Of course I still love you. I'm sorry for upsetting you, honey. No, I promise I'm fine. Everything is perfect."

Men are listening to women and others telling them to open up about their emotions but their seems to be an important component missing. There are therapists that specialize in helping men achieve emotional intelligence and communication of their emotional needs. But it will take further shifting in societal consciousness to recognize when men are being vulnerable with their needs.

This isn't just a men problem, it's a social conditioning problem that needs to be dismantled as one person points out by saying, "ironically sometimes women still subconsciously carry the sexist belief that men should have better control over their emotions." Unlearning something that is ingrained in all aspects of society takes time as does learning to tap into and express feelings that were once equated to weakness. Everyone is learning and giving grace and understanding can go a long way to figuring things out.

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