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Men who are 30 and over share the 15 life lessons younger guys must learn early

"Don't let people treat you poorly. Not your girlfriend, not your buddy, not your family."

male advice, positive masculinity, good advice, guys help guys, older guys, wisdom, gen x

via Canva/Photos

A man in his 50s with some good advice.

It’s impossible for anyone who has reached middle age to look back on their early 20s and not believe they squandered some of their precious resources, whether the vitality of their youth or the seemingly infinite time they thought they had on this earth. But you don’t learn to truly appreciate these things until one day, you want to go to bed at 9 pm, and time has sped up so rapidly that you’re having a hard time catching up.

Countless people have tried to tell younger people to appreciate the vitality of their youth, and by making good decisions at a young age, you’ll be much happier when you get older. However, that advice is usually ignored because most people don’t have the foresight to appreciate the wisdom we accumulate with age. It seems that, sadly, most of us have to learn our lessons the hard way.

For young people out there willing to entertain the idea that they don’t know everything, a group of men who are 30 and over on Reddit shared the lessons that “every guy” should learn early on. To sum it up, they believe that young people should understand that time flies fast and they should always have one eye on their future selves. They should also learn that being a good guy is better than being a hothead and that you are not invincible, no matter how powerful you feel. It’s also important to stand up for yourself and have integrity because your character will follow you wherever you go.

great advice, wisdom, helpful advice, gen x men, gen z men, positive masculinity A man in his 20s upset.via Canva/Photos

Here are 15 lessons men 30 and up think every guy should learn early.

1. Make sure people treat you right

"Don't let people treat you poorly. Not your girlfriend, not your buddy, not your family."

"Absolutely. It's a skill to carry yourself in a way where you are respected. People learn quick who they can talk down on and who not to mess with. If you speak up for yourself, people are more likely to keep their opinions to themselves."

2. You're not young forever (although you may think it)

"You are only young for a period of your life. You are actually 'older' for most of your life so make sure your decisions take that into consideration."

"I didn't feel like an adult until I was 26-28. That's when it really hit me. I feel 26 until I speak to an actual 26-year-old."

"You'll still feel 26 in your 40s and 50s until you try to do physical stuff like you did at that age."

3. Admit your mistakes

"Admit when you make a mistake and learn from it. And don’t try to hide them either. I’ve avoided so much conflict in my adult life by being able to go to someone and say, 'I need you to know I made a mistake, and I’m going to correct it,' or else, 'I messed up, and I need help.' Trying to blame someone else when it was genuinely your fault always causes more problems, and mistakes you try to hide almost always get found out eventually."

"Owning up to your mistakes and finding wisdom in your experiences is about as manly as it gets. Right on, brother."

4. You're not indestructible

"All the little injuries you pile up in your 20s and 30s will haunt you later."

"At 24, I jumped off a two-story house to entertain people at a party. At 40, I feel like someone has taken a sledgehammer to my back. I'm not a detective, but I think these two things are connected."

5. Don't waste your time

"By far, it has to be learning the value of TIME. So many people in this world don't grasp this until it's far too late in life. Don't waste your time doing things you hate, or being around bad people."

Pink Floyd said it best:

"'And then one day you find/ten years have got behind you/no one told you when to run/you missed the starting gun.'" I remember sitting in my car at 25 listening to that line and realizing I had first heard it 10 years earlier. It felt like a blink of an eye. Now I'm coming up on another 10 since that."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

6. Value kindness

"Be kind, it's its own reward."

"It helps my mental health so much, just letting cars into your queue, saying please and thank you to people who don’t hear it often, talking to elderly people who rarely speak to others etc. Just trying to be a cheerful chill dude makes me very happy, happier than almost any possession I can think of buying."

7. Lift people up

"You’re not that funny when you put other people down. You are more of a man when you lift people up."

"This 100%. I teach middle school students, and I’m always trying to teach this. Also, how it shows way more strength to admit you’re wrong and apologize than lie and never own up to things."

8. Work out

"On a related note, it is a lot easier to not consume 300 calories than it is to burn 300 calories."

"This is the best blanket advice in here. I didn't start working out until I was 32. I was 50lbs overweight and felt like crap. Working out and making it a part of your daily routine has such a massive domino effect over your entire life, physically, mentally, routine, work ethic, literally everything. This should be mandatory for everyone to start at a young age and develop good habits. This coupled with proper eating/cooking habits are paramount."

9. Save for retirement

"Start saving for retirement. I know you've all heard it, but I can't stress how much more money you earn from your savings during your twenties. This is not a drill. Start saving money you don't touch until retirement."

"Compounding interest is very powerful, and it’s at its most powerful over a long period of time. So start young. The S&P 500 averages a 10% yearly return. At that rate, if you can invest $500 per month, then in 30 years, you’ll have over $1 million."

savings, retirement, couple doing bills, responsibility, wisdom, advice A couple saving money.via Canva/Photos

10. Be a man of your word

"Your integrity is the only thing that can’t be taken from you."

"If you wouldn't want people knowing you said it/ did it don't say it/do it."

11. Don't wait

"The best way to improve your life is for you to improve your life. If you wait for someone or something to happen, it won't. Work today to improve your life in any way that you feel you need it."

"You're absolutely right and it deserves repeating, IT WILL NOT BE EASY, going to the gym sucks, going to school sucks, studying sucks the list is infinite but there's just no way around it. IT WILL NOT BE EASY, if it was, everyone would be doing it."

"No one is coming to save you. Do it yourself."

12. Plenty of fish in the sea

"There are literally millions of women. Why obsess over that ONE?"

"My advice is instead of worrying about women, work on yourself instead. Work on making yourself the happiest version of you, and then you will naturally find someone. Don't chase anyone or waste any time on anyone that's not interested."

breakup, love lost, heartbreak, the one, obsession, love advice, move on, A man and a woman have a fight.via Canva/Photos

13. Stretch

"Connective tissue health is underrated. Most common training injury."

"Flexibility naturally decreases as you age unless you take steps to maintain it. Improving it is hard. It's also crucial for progressing in many, many exercises."

14. Maintain friendships

"Don't burn bridges with people and try your best to maintain friendships."

"For one reason or another, the buddy list shrinks more and more as time goes on."

"I'm in my forties and have definitely had friends that have fallen off the list, but I continue to make friends along the way. I think it might be that I put serious effort into maintaining old relationships and trying to form new ones."

15. Make friends with women

"Make friends with women; And I don’t mean make friends with to have romantic relationships later… like just be platonic friends. Having someone that you can talk to with a different perspective can be so beneficial."

"Second this. Plus, if you're a good friend to a woman, she's likely to introduce you to her friends and vouch for you, which opens up more opportunities for romantic relationships. or more friends."

From Your Site Articles

Pet behaviorist explains the viral phenomenon of people buying their cats concrete slabs

A pet behaviorist explains why this trend is actually purrfect enrichment.

@annieknowsanimals/TikTok

Cat owners everywhere are shocked to see how much their feline love a simple $2 concrete slab.

If you’ve traipsed through @CatTok over the past few days, you’ve undoubtedly come across various videos of cat parents bringing their feline friends a fairly unusual yet surprisingly effective enrichment tool. We are talking of course about a concrete slab. Yes, you read that right. Not a fancy new scratching post. Not some laser contraption. A cement square. That’s it.

Seriously, folks are going in droves to Home Depot to purchase these unassuming blocks. And every time they present their kitties this new treat, the reactions look something like this:

@shecatcalls PART 2 | Cat enrichment ideas. The way she sits more on this $7 brick than any of the actual cat beds and huts I buy her 😂 Can anyone else relate? 🤦♀️ Video idea inspired by Kurt the Cat @Abram Engle @The Home Depot #creatorsearchinsights #cats #cattok #sillycat #funny #meow ♬ Cute - In Music

@renusdelph I bought concrete slabs for my cats #cat #catsoftiktok #orangecat #orangecatbehavior #catlovers #viralcats #funnycat ♬ original sound - Renus Delph

@mrmilothechonk I should have bought 3 😂 #foryou #foryoupage #cats #catsoftiktok #viral ♬ Almost forgot that this was the whole point - Take my Hand Instrumental - AntonioVivald

The trend seems like it could have been ignited by this orange tabby (named Kurt) below, who loved rolling around on the sidewalk, thus inspiring his owner Abram Engle to see if he'd enjoy a concrete slab just as much. Spoiler alert: he did.

@abrameng Kurt was conking the crete
♬ original sound - Abram Engle

There have been as many theories as to why kitties go gaga for concrete as there are toy mice under the couch (meaning, a lot). But below, pet behaviorist Dr. Annie gives a few of her hunches as to what's driving this phenomeownon…though she adds the caveat that there haven’t yet been any official studies on it. So it's all based on her educated guesses.

@annieknowsanimals why do cats like concrete? 🤔 here are my thoughts on the latest cat enrichment #trend! vc: @aero.mace #catbehavior #catsoftiktok #cat #cats ♬ original sound - Dr. Annie | pet behaviorist

“First, I think cats are enjoying the concrete slab being brought into their homes because they are new and kind of out of place. There’s probably nothing quite like them already in the home environment,” Dr. Annie says.

This might initially sound counterintuitive, since it’s generally accepted that cats thrive on routine. While this may be true, as Dr. Annie has discussed in previous videos, their "predatory and territorial nature” makes them "sensitive to novelty.” When a toy seems static, it no longer mimics actual live prey, and therefore does not stimulate kitty as it would in nature. Same goes for cat beds and scratching posts, as they’re used to exploring and monitoring their environment. When something “new” appears in their territory, they are very motivated to interact with it.

@annieknowsanimals Replying to @joshtmeadows let’s explain why cats are so sensitive to “new” stuff! @Abram Engle ♬ original sound - Dr. Annie | pet behaviorist

Second, Dr. Annie surmises that the concrete’s porous surface makes it really great for holding onto the cat's scent, which is a key factor in marking a kitty's territory. Again, cat’s really like knowing (or in this case, smelling) what’s theirs. In many videos, you can see cat’s actively rubbing their cheek glands on the slab, Dr. Annie notes.

Also, and probably more of a no-brainer, the concrete surface is very, very fun for scratching! And while we all might know that cats enjoy the tactile pleasure of using their claws, having a part of their environment that they have control over is very fulfilling for their mental health.

Lastly, Dr. Annie confirms what many cat parents assumed, which is that temperature plays a huge role in making the concrete slab cat-friendly. Cats like warmth because they have a higher body temperature, and evolved from creatures that live in warmer climates (like topical jungles, African plains, etc.). If they are seeking a way to raise their temperature—especially in air conditioned homes—a concrete slab that’s been soaking up the sun is a great way to do so.

Thank you Dr. Annie for that fascinating deep dive. Those all seem like pretty solid theories. And while we might not ever get actual studies on this, there’s yet another fact that becomes abundantly clear: cat parents will go above and beyond to make their fur babies happy. Even if that means taking on a job in construction for free concrete.

For even more fantastic cat facts, give Dr. Annie a follow on TikTok.

From Your Site Articles

20 cute things couples do in secret because it would 'shock' anyone else who saw them

Apparently speaking in animal sounds is a forgotten love language.

Photo credit: Canva

Letting out your inner weirdo is an admirable relationship tier.

At some point in a long-term relationship—especially after you’re living together—there comes a time when all pretense is laid to the wayside. When regular closeness and new levels of comfortability allow both partners to really let out their fun, playful, messy, immature, and perhaps even a bit feral side that would otherwise stay dormant or hidden.

If you’re currently in a long term relationship and wonder if other couples are as weird with one another behind closed doors as you are, read on. Recently someone asked partners:

“What’s something you do in private that’s completely normal for you, but would probably shock your friends?”

Judging by these super cute, sweet, interesting, and ultimately very relatable answers, we can probably all assume that being weirdos is actually a sign of a very healthy relationship…even if we wouldn’t dare let anyone else see us that way.

Tons of couples shared about having their own language of sorts, especially those that involve animal sounds, apparently…

ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”Photo credit: Canva

“We have full conversations in ridiculous accents and once spent a whole day arguing in pirate voice without breaking character.”

“Sometimes we’ll be in different parts of the house and she’ll bark, and I’ll bark back and we’ll bark at each other for about 10 seconds before it goes back to silence, with no discussion involved.If we’re in the same room sometimes she’ll make a bark noise and I’ll look at her like HEY, no, shake finger this is a safe space.”

“My wife and I HONK like geese. I use it for echo location but she uses it more as a summoning function.”

“My ex and I would meow at each other. We’d have full non verbal conversations with each other by meowing.”

“My partner and I hiss at each other. A lot.I had a good laugh at my partner's expense last week, when he told me that he accidentally hissed at a coworker and had to explain why. He hissed at me in response, of course. As is the custom.”

“We have a hand signal for when we want to leave a social situation. Sometimes we’ll give it to each other from across the room or if it’s too obvious, the person who wants to leave will hold the other persons hand and do the signal inside their palm.Also, we regularly will pick food from a menu while out to dinner based on the knowledge that We will be swapping plates half way through lol”

And of course, many couples reported seeing the occasional jab as a way of saying “I love you…dummy.”

ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “Our love language is roasting and insulting each other."Photo credit: Canva

“We get mean but try to be silly about it, but we KNOW we're joking. It would actually upset our oldest who has autism. He couldn't tell we were joking and we'd need to stop and reassure him. Eventually he got in on the joke and he'd start saying things like ‘guys! Not in front of my beef stew!’ Or whatever he had or was eating/doing.”

“Our love language is roasting and insulting each other. We have our own boundaries we don’t ever cross, but the very few times we’ve let it slip in front of others they’re always pretty shocked at how we speak.”

Others noted how physical intimacy now involved play, laughter, and a certain comfort with what might be considered a tad gross elsewhere. We’re not talking about sex here, but about the familiarity that comes from being in proximity over a long period of time.

ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy "It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”Photo credit: Canva

“Fake wrestling before sleeping. We know for a fact I can't overpower him but it's a question of whether my flexibility can beat his strength. I always try to poke his butt with my big toe to defeat him.”

“We shower together, and afterwards she rubs lotion on me. It actually started because her sister said men don't know how to lotion, so I told her to show me. It's not sexual really, just quality time together.”

“A friend of ours pointed out that I had taken a slightly long route through the living room so I could lightly rub my fingertips across my GF's back as I walked by, the friend thought it was odd. I said I just wanted to let my GF know I was there…I have no real answer for it. It just makes sense if one of us walks near the other to lightly touch them.”

“She’ll spend up to an hour combing my entire body for white heads, black heads, and anything poppable on my skin, popping them. She enjoys it so much that I've had to remind her to slow down as she'll accidentally cut me with her nails.”

“We race to slap the other on the ass after sex and declare ‘good game.’”

The really sweet stuff came from couples who found little bonding rituals even within the mundane, and those who could actually claim their SO as their BFF. Sure, we might not want a romantic partner to be our end-all, be-all person. But at the same time, time and time again we see that the most successful couples are those who truly are friends.

ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy "Hubs and I do everything together as a team."Photo credit: Canva

“We cook a big artichoke for each of us in a pressure cooker and we add butter and lemon and we sit in bed and binge watch TV shows while eating our artichokes in silence. This is kind of our decompression routine that we do after stressful work days or busy weeks. It's really nice.”

“We read out loud to each other at night- short stories, magazine articles but usually longer books - historical fiction or even non fiction.”

“We have an imaginary roommate whom we blame for all the bad stuff (dishes left in sink, laundry on floor etc) instead of arguing about it with each other.”

“I was teased recently because hubs and I do everything together as a team. We grocery shop together, if a pipe breaks we work to fix it together, we do housework together. Not as a dependency, we just generally like being around each other and adulting is way more fun together than solo.”

“I like to grocery shop with my wife. We get chicken nuggets from the hot bar afterwards. 😀”

But by and large, the most common “shocking” thing that couples did was sleeping in separate beds. Which is kind of wild, given all the research we have indicating that it really does offer plenty of health benefits. If you’re still having reservations, take a peek at some of this anecdotal evidence below.

ask reddit, reddit, couples, relationships, marriage, partnership, living together, romance, intimacy “Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack."Photo credit: Canva

“We do this. Everyone is happier. We sleep better which equates to less crankiness. We will have a ‘sleep over’ on weekends when we don't have to be up for work. We'll also snuggle in the morning if we both are up in time. It's a great set up.”

“Having separate bedrooms is such a marriage/partner hack. It also gives you independent space to retreat to, and you get to decorate your own space. We found it does not at all reduce intimacy. In fact it can increase it. But let me tell you. The judgement for this. Damn.”

Bottom line: everyone is weird. And maybe part of finding love is finding someone who lets you be your weirdest, most authentic self. If you have found that person, congrats, and take comfort in know that when no one is watching, other couples are out there being just as silly and carefree. What a beautiful thing.

From Your Site Articles

People swear by the unusual 'Solid Snake' conversation trend to conquer social anxiety

It's actually an easy Japanese active listening trick.

Canva Photos & Konami

People have found a really great active listening technique in a super strange place.

There is an art to being a good listener. Physically using your ears to hear what someone is saying, and your brain to process it, is only part of the battle. You also have to show the person you're talking to that you're listening and that you care. Asking questions is a great way to keep the conversation flowing and let your talking partner know you're engaged. But what if you're socially anxious, shy, or just can't think of anything to say? It's harder than it seems, especially when meeting new people!

The solution is easy. Just take a page out of Solid Snake's book. Who's Solid Snake? Just a former Green Beret, special ops solider, spy, assassin, and the protagonist of the popular Metal Gear Solid video games. You might wonder what the heck Solid Snake, aka David, knows about active listening. It turns out, quite a lot.

The "Solid Snake conversation method" is taking the world by storm. It's part trend, part meme, and 100% effective.

conversation tips, social anxiety, small talk, socializing, etiquette, politeness, introvert, video games Solid Snake is here to help your social anxiety! Giphy

You don't need to know anything about video games to understand where the method comes from. Suffice it to say, Metal Gear Solid is a plot-heavy game series, full of cut-scenes that feature lots of dialogue and exposition.

It's become a bit of a joke in the gaming world that Snake, a man of few words, tends to fall back on one particular conversational technique over and over: He repeats, or echoes, bits of what the other characters say. It adds emphasis to important points, creates good conversational pacing, and allows the plot and dialogue to continue on smoothly.

Here's a (made up) example:

"Snake, we've got to get the blueprints!"

"The blueprints?"

"Yes, the bad guys are constructing a devastating bomb!"

"A bomb?"

"Indeed! You'll find the prototype in that bunker over there."

"A bunker?"

You get the idea. You can watch it in action here.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Why does this random video game character speak in this strange cadence? And why are people stealing it to use in real life?

You might think this dialogue is just a clunky tool for exposition or the result of bad writing, but you'd be wrong!

The Metal Gear Solid games are written and developed in Japan by a team led by legendary developer Hideo Kojima. Though translated into English and created in part for an American audience, the games feature a lot of bits and pieces of Japanese culture.

Frequent repetition and conversational echoes are extremely commonplace in Japanese. It's part of a polite active listening technique called "Aizuchi," which refers to frequent interjections to show interest, engagement, reassurance, and politeness.

Aizuchi includes interjecting with words or phrases (or their equivalents) like "I get it," "Yeah," "Really?" or even repeating back parts of the original speaker's words, a la Solid Snake.

According to Niko Smith at FluentU, "Perhaps you already use some of these interjections in conversation. While your friend is [telling you a story]... you might nod a few times or throw in a surprised 'No way!' or 'What happened next?' [Aizuchi] works in a similar way, but it’s more relentless. As the listener in a conversation, you might find yourself doing just as much talking as the speaker."

Smith adds that in America, young people are often taught specifically not to interrupt or speak while someone else is talking. In Japan, doing so frequently—in the right way—is a sign of respect and interest.

Better yet, Aizuchi doesn't require the listener to be particularly brilliant in conversation, charismatic, or creative. Even socially awkward people, or anyone who clams up in social situations, can muster a few polite interjections!

This technique exists outside of Japanese culture, too. In fact, it's a well-known wat to keep conversations flowing effortlessly, give you time to think about what you're going to say, and make your conversation partner feel heard and appreciated.

It's no surprise that people familiar with the game have been trying the technique in real life for years. In 2023, a viral 4chan post helped popularize the idea, and more recently a (now deleted) post on X went super viral referencing how effective the "Solid Snake conversation method" is for meeting new people.

— (@)

The technique is hitting home with young people, especially gamers and the chronically-online, which makes for a really productive and much-needed discussion.

Gen Z has grown up with social media taking the place of many in-person interactions, screens everywhere, and of course, the COVID years. All of these factors affect the way they communicate with each other, especially in real life:

Maddy Mussen writes for The Standard, "Gen Z slang is all about shutting people out. It’s an inside joke, the more unintelligible the better. It’s in keeping with its etymology. When your whole modus operandi is being exclusionary, it doesn’t make for a lot of meaningful conversation."

It would be an unfair blanket generalization to say young people only speak in brainrot and have no idea how to operate in the real world. But Gen Z is racked with social anxiety to a far greater degree than previous generations. They need all the tools and practice they can get when it comes to operating in the real world and speaking to people they don't know well.

If they, or anyone else, can take a useful tip from their favorite video game character, there's nothing wrong with that at all.

From Your Site Articles

conversation tips

Friends struggling with procrastination held a 'forcing party' and it's oh so brilliant

A little accompaniment and accountability can make all the difference.

Photo credit: Canva

Friends can help us when we're on the productivity struggle bus.

Some people have self-discipline and agency coming out their ears and rarely if ever procrastinate on anything. Others, not so much. Whether it's driven by habit, fear of success or failure, lack of motivation, ADHD, or something else that disrupts the flow from "I need to do this thing" to "I'm now doing this thing," procrastination is a challenge in many people's lives. You know what you need to do—why can't you just do it?

When you struggle to get things done, the cycle of self-loathing and shame that follows can make you feel worthless and alone. But some friends on X came up with a simply brilliant solution that not only solves the procrastination problem, but the feeling alone problem as well.

— (@)

A user named Tyler wrote, "Sometimes you need a coach or therapist, and sometimes you just need someone to invade your life and force [you] to book the dr's appointment, finish the writing assignment, submit the job application, etc. Does this sort of person exist for hire?"

Lots of people resonated with that idea, but Tyler's friend Crystal responded, "Can we do it for each other?"

Tyler said Crystal would be good at this and said he was thinking of throwing "a force-on-another-to-do-stuff party."

And so they did.

— (@)

The idea was to gather together a small group of friends who have things they need to get done and create a space where they could "force" one another to do them. Turns out, it was a brilliant plan. Crystal and Tyler both in the middle of their party, with Crystal saying it was "going well" and that they'd be doing more and Tyler sharing:

"So far:

- A passport has been filed for

- An inbox has been zero'd

- A personal website has been created

& more.

I recommend this format!"

— (@)

People loved the idea, with many people asking if they could join. Tyler encouraged people to host their own. You don't have to have a bunch of friends to do it—it could literally just be two people. As long as whoever is there is on board with what it is, the number of people doesn't matter.

And if the idea of "forcing" rubs you the wrong way, what you call the gathering doesn't matter, either. One person suggested some alternative names, such as Git 'er Done Party, Just Do It Party, and Not So Bad Party. You could call it a Procrastinator Party or Motivation Madness. A similar idea has been called Admin Night, only that is specifically referred to as "not a party." But why can't it be both? Give the invite a tagline, even: Get stuff done, then have fun.

— (@)

The concept of accompaniment to do things you don't want to or are struggling to do is an ADHD strategy known as "body doubling." Having someone in the same room with you doing something productive, even if it isn't the same thing you're doing, is often enough to get a person with ADHD to focus on the task they need to complete. The Forcing Party is a similar idea, perhaps with a bit more direct accountability built into it. It's a lot harder to put off doing something when you're at a party dedicated to doing exactly that thing.

— (@)

If you're saying, "But why should I have to have a 'forcing party' just to get myself to do things that aren't even that difficult to do?" and feeling down on yourself for it, just stop for a sec. Humans aren't meant to do everything in isolation. We are social creatures who live in communities of people. Even those of us who like to be alone still benefit in various ways from the assistance and accompaniment of others, and if this is an area where being with your fellow humans helps you be the productive person you want to be, why question it?

Keep it simple. Contact a few friends and see if they have things they've been putting off doing that you could all do side-by-side one evening or weekend day. Call it whatever kind of party you want. See what they say. Chances are, they all have something they've been procrastinating on as well and would welcome the opportunity to get together and get it done.

Thanks for the inspiration, Tyler and Crystal!

From Your Site Articles

I taught preschool in a migrant town. Here is the number one myth I wish people understood.

We spent weeks looking for help for a young child who was in pain.

Photo credit: Canva

I taught preschool in a migrant town. There's one myth that needs to end.

It seems that around every election season we hear about undocumented immigrants and how they're simultaneously stealing our jobs and collecting government benefits. This idea is common in farming communities and the surrounding areas since these communities tend to be rural with scarce job opportunities and poor wages. It's a phrase I heard most of my adult life and that I eventually learned was simply a myth to garner votes or support for certain policies.

For a few years, I taught "More at 4," a preschool program for low-income families in a small town in North Carolina. The town is full of fields with rows of crops growing everything from tobacco to strawberries. Old school busses packed with watermelons and trucks sprinkling tobacco leaves on the two-lane highway was the norm to see on my sleepy drive to work. Agricultural communities are usually heavily populated with migrant farm workers and their families.

immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Leafy harvest: Tobacco leaves hang to dry.Photo credit: Canva

Every spring and summer, the fields were lined with men and women picking fruit and vegetables with a speed that would rival a Marvel superhero. Every fall, my classroom would fill with adorable brown faces who would giggle at my Spanish when I clumsily told them to wash their hands. It always came out sounding more like a spell from Harry Potter than a directive in a language I didn't speak. Jedi was one of those students, a 4-year-old who was usually full of smiles until she wasn't.

My assistant teacher and I noticed a few months into the school year that Jedi was not as talkative and starting to sit by herself. This little girl loved to chat and play in the dramatic play area, pretending to be the mom while directing other kids in Spanish. Sitting alone was unusual for her, and we quickly realized that it was more than an upset stomach when she started crying every time it was time to eat. The language barrier made calling her mother tricky, but with the help of one of our bilingual students we made it work and quickly learned upsetting health news.

immigration; undocumented immigrants; migrant workers; illegal immigrants; illegal aliens; illegal immigrants Medicaid Children learning the alphabet with teachers.Photo credit: Canva

Most of Jedi's molars were rotting and broken. Her mother explained through our 4-year-old translator and the Google Translate app that the little girl's teeth had been hurting for some time. She had been giving her over-the-counter pain medication in the morning, hoping it would get her through the day. That worked for a while, but the cavities got worse over the months.

Since our program was for low-income families, nearly every child had Medicaid, so at first we didn't understand why this sweet girl hadn't seen a dentist. It was during that conversation that we learned the children of migrant workers don't qualify for Medicaid or any other federal government assistance. Jedi didn't have a social security number and her birth certificate was from Guatemala. In order to receive Medicaid, which would've fixed her broken, infected teeth, she needed to be a U.S. citizen.

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I watched helplessly as the girl's mother cried, explaining to a child no older than her own—who then translated the message to me—that they didn't know what to do. We promised to find a way to help the family and went to work. That afternoon, during regular pick up, Jedi's father came to the door with cash in hand. He was covered in sweat and dirt from the field. The worried dad explained that he didn't have a lot of money but could pay to help his daughter. After a brief back and forth with the translator app, he put his money away and left.

My assistant and I worked for a couple of weeks calling government agencies, angrily telling them it wasn't fair that they wouldn't help. She was just four years old and we were having to feed her applesauce, pudding, and yogurt because she couldn't chew. We called every agency we could think of and then went down the list of every dentist in town. We explained the situation over and over, hoping someone would do something.

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Just when we were about to give up, we found a children's dentist who agreed to evaluate her teeth. He determined that her teeth were infected, several needed to be capped, and a couple of the broken ones needed to be pulled. This amazing dentist made sure she left with antibiotics and an appointment that same week to start the work. The dad was able to pay him with cash on a weekly basis until it was paid off, and Jedi got her smile back.

Her first days back at school were like show-and-tell. She would take bites of food and then break into a wide grin while showing off her silver caps. That sweet girl would never know the hours we spent on the phone or the anguish her parents went through while trying to get her care. At the time, Jedi's mother was pregnant with what turned out to be a baby sister, also without care.

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While some states have expanded their Medicaid to include undocumented children and pregnant people, federally they're not covered, according to Healthinsurance.org. Currently there are only six states that expand state-funded Medicaid to undocumented people and 14 states that expand it to undocumented children who live in families that meet the income requirement. But even in the states that offer some form of state-funded Medicaid to undocumented individuals, the restrictions include income, and in some states, age.

In Illinois and New York, the only undocumented people that qualify for state-funded Medicaid are those under the age of 18 and those over the age of 65, though in New York undocumented pregnant people are also eligible. Washington state has an enrollment cap for undocumented individuals over 18 while California, Oregon, and Minnesota have no restrictions outside of income.

This means that the vast majority of undocumented immigrants are not eligible to receive government benefits. Immigrants who are in the U.S. lawfully are eligible for benefits under certain circumstances.

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According to KFF, "In general, in addition to meeting other eligibility requirements, lawfully present immigrants must have a 'qualified' immigration status to be eligible for Medicaid or CHIP (Table 1), and many, including most lawful permanent residents or 'green card' holders, must wait five years after obtaining qualified status before they may enroll. They may enroll in Marketplace coverage and receive subsidies during this five-year waiting period."

"Some immigrants with qualified status, such as refugees and asylees, as well as citizens of Compact of Free Association (COFA) nations, do not have to wait five years before enrolling. Some immigrants, such as those with temporary protected status, are lawfully present but do not have a qualified status and are not eligible to enroll regardless of their length of time in the country. Individuals with Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) status are not eligible for Medicaid or CHIP, and implementation of a Marketplace coverage expansion for them remains subject to ongoing litigation," KFF adds.

While there is often concern around undocumented people getting more benefits than the average struggling American citizen, it simply isn't true. It's a myth meant to evoke feelings of scarcity and unfairness to sway people to support policies they may otherwise feel uncomfortable with.

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