upworthy

life lessons

Joy

15 hard truths that once people accepted them, their lives got so much better

"Not all friendships last."

via Liza Summer/Pexels

A woman learns a harsh truth about her friends.

A significant part of adulthood is realizing that many uncomfortable truths are indeed real, even if we wish they weren’t. At first, these harsh truths may dampen our spirits and make us feel that the world is a bit colder. However, understanding some of life's hard lessons opens us up to greater possibilities and can help us overcome the obstacles holding us back.

Harsh truths help us realize when relationships aren’t as great as they can be. They also prevent us from having too much faith in people and institutions that will ultimately disappoint us. Knowing dark truths can also help us appreciate the things that are truly beautiful, honest and good. A Redditor named Rare_Can_5418 asked the AskReddit forum, “What difficult truths, the sooner you accept them, the better your life will be?” and received over 6,500 responses. Many of them were centered around harsh truths about relationships and the fact that even if we do our best in life, we can still end up with the short end of the stick.



The key is to keep going and never let failure get you down.

Here are 15 of the “difficult truths” that made people’s lives a lot better.

1. Stop comparing yourself

"There will always be someone better looking, better educated, younger, more experienced, more intelligent or wealthier than you. Do your best, live without regret, have empathy and kindness, give when you can, expecting nothing in return. Focus on your heart value more than what others have."

"Comparison is the thief of joy."

2. Some people won't like you

"You can be sweetest, juiciest peach on the tree. But some people don't like peaches."

"In Spanish, there's a saying: 'Nadie es moneda de oro para que lo quiera todo el mundo,' which translates to something like nobody is a gold coin to be liked/wanted by everyone else."

3. Things are just things

"They don’t have feelings. They don’t care if you give them away or sell them or throw them out. If a thing is useful, keep it. If not, get rid of it."

Psychologists refer to perceiving that inanimate objects have feelings as anthropomorphizing. Psych Central says that humans project feelings onto objects to relate to them more deeply. "People generally anthropomorphize to make sense of events and behaviors they experience. Further, attributing emotions, attitudes, mental states, faces, and values to non-human things can help you feel connected to something," Sarah Barkley writes in a PhD-reviewed article.



4. Not all friendships last

"Surprisingly though, the ones that last are not necessarily the best (or even good) ones."

"Most friendships are based on convenience, I've found. Unless two people are willing to put in a lot of effort, time and distance will do more to end a friendship than any disagreement."

5. You may be the bad guy

"You can do your best with someone and still be the villain in their story."

"One of my current favourite memes is: I don't care if I'm the villain in your story, you're the clown in mine."

6. You can't change people

"You can only help people who actually want it. If they’re not ready to change or put in the effort, there’s not much you can do. Realizing this can save you a lot of frustration and help you focus on people who actually appreciate your help."

"It’s always tough having those friends who are constantly complaining but doing nothing to address what they are complaining about. But as an adult, you just have to sit there and listen. No point in offering help to someone who isn’t asking for it. Kinda like how it’s really tough to teach someone who isn’t interested in being taught."

7. How we judge

"We judge ourselves by our intentions. We judge others by their actions."

"In psychology, this is called fundamental attribution error."

The Fundamental Attribution Error is a psychological phenomenon where we assume someone's actions reflect their personality without considering the situation. It's like when we blame someone's driving skills for being in an accident instead of the curvy road.



8. Depending on people

"Once you're an adult, there really isn't anyone you can 100% depend on except yourself. There will still be people in your life to lean on, but everyone has their limits in how they can help you."

9. Nice doesn't equal good

"Nice people aren't always good people."

"One of my bosses doesn't greet/make small talk and is known for being quite firm. He's been the most helpful throughout my most difficult period dealing with tragedy. Some people with that personality type simply get things done when you need them done without the chattering."

10. Everything is temporary

"You can suddenly lose anything and anyone at any time...and maybe all at once or in quick succession without so much warning."

11. Nobody is thinking about you

"In general, people in the real world are oblivious to you. You're not even a blip on their radar. If you're insecure about something you wear or how you look, remember: nobody cares."



12. No one is coming to save you

"No one is coming to save you, so you have to do it all yourself."

"And once you internalize this and do it, your self-esteem will be through the roof."

13. Nobody knows what they're doing

"Before i graduated high school I thought, thank god, I finally won’t have to deal with annoying obnoxious kids and I’ll be treated like an adult, I come to find out 95% of adults are worse then the actual kids, nobody knows what they’re actually doing and life is actually a big joke."

14. Love is reciprocal

"If a romantic interest is not giving you the same attention/respect you give them, they don't really care about or want you, and you're in for a world of hurt if you keep telling yourself otherwise."

15. Who's good for you?

"People who are good for you will make you feel happy, joyful, accepted, cared for, and filled with fun times, despite any differences. People who are not good for you will make you feel anxious, sad, down, slighted, judged, and never check in on you if you're not okay, and won't even bother noticing when you're not okay. Genuine people will never let you suffer in silence or watch you suffer. Stay away from those who make you feel negative emotions and thoughts."


This article originally appeared in August.
From Your Site Articles
life lessons
Joy

'Nerdy pommel horse guy' success story holds a key life lesson to share with our kids

"Sometimes, the world needs a Simone Biles to blow us away with raw talent, and sometimes, we need someone like Stephen Nedoroscik…"

Photo credit: USA Gymnastics/John Cheng

Stephen Nedoroscik clinched the bronze medal for Team USA at the Paris 2024 Olympics.

Once in a while, an unlikely American hero emerges from an Olympic games, and that hero at the 2024 Paris Olympics might just be Team USA's glasses-wearing pommel horse specialist, Stephen Nedoroscik.

The 25-year-old gymnast from Worcester, Massachusetts, helped break Team USA's 16-year Olympic medal drought, clinching the bronze and launching him to viral fame with his epic team final performance.

It's not just that he delivered when it counted most; it's the unexpectedness of his story. Nedoroscik showed up to the Olympics looking less like an elite gymnast and more like a guy getting a PhD in astrophysics. He had one job, and he cheered for his teammates while waiting for his big moment. And then, in true hero fashion, he took of his thick, wide-rimmed glasses and performed superhuman feats on the pommel horse.

But that's not all. As writer Whitney Fleming pointed out, there's an important life lesson buried in Nedoroscik's story that shouldn't get lost in the celebration.

"Sometimes, the world needs a Simone Biles to blow us away with raw talent, and sometimes, we need someone like Stephen Nedoroscik to remind us that a nerdy (his words), bespectacled engineer who can solve a Rubik's Cube in under 10 seconds can be a hero," Fleming wrote on Facebook before sharing why she loves his story.

"When he didn't progress in gymnastics like he wanted to, he threw himself into the one event he excelled at: the pommel horse. He's won all sorts of competitions as an event specialist, and literally was put on the team because he scores so big on this one apparatus.

During today's team finals, he spent the day bringing his teammates water, giving high fives, and cheering on every performance with incredible enthusiasm. And then it was his turn.

Nedoroscik was the last athlete to compete on the team's last rotation. He needed to hit his routine for the Americans to end a 16-year medal drought. No pressure.

It was a build-up right out of an iconic sports movie (Do you believe in miracles?)

While the pressure kept building in the gym, he meditated. A slight smile crept onto his face when he heard the cheers for his teammate's score. And then, like Clark Kent turning into Superman, he took off his jacket, removed his glasses, and puffed out his chest--and HE KILLED IT!"


Fleming shared the lesson we can all take from Nedoroscik's unusual success story:

"Nedoroscik took an untraditional path to get to the pinnacle of his sport and it paid off with an Olympic Bronze medal.

There is no one way to success, there is no one way to do this life, and there is no one way to find your purpose.

Be unapologetically and unabashedly you in every way possible, and you might end up the hero of your story as well."

That's such an important lesson to share with our kids, who may look at big name athletes and start believing there are limited ways to find success. The reality is every story is unique, every person has their own way of doing things, and there's no "right" path to achieve your goals, whatever they may be.

Thank you, Stephen Nedoroscik, for being a delightful example and the hero we didn't know we needed.

You can follow Whitney Fleming on Facebook and Instagram, and find her upcoming book, "You're Not a Failure: My Teen Doesn't Like Me Either," here.

(And in case you missed Stephen Nedoroscik's team final pommel horse routine, here you go.)

From Your Site Articles
olympics
Joy

Roger Federer shared 3 life lessons he learned from tennis in Dartmouth graduation speech

"'Effortless' is a myth."

Photo Credit: Times Of India/Wikimedia Commons

Roger Federer "graduated" from tennis in 2022.

Roger Federer will go down in history as one of the greatest tennis players of all time, but his popularity extends far beyond the tennis court. With a reputation as a kind and classy sportsman, a generous philanthropist and and all around "good guy," Federer has gained fans of all ages, even outside of his sport, making him an ideal commencement speaker for one of America's top universities.

Dartmouth' College's class of 2024 got to listen to the tennis great share the three biggest lessons he learned from the sport at their commencement ceremony, and people have been sharing snippets from it on social media.

Federer told the graduates that he left school at 16 to play tennis and "graduated" from tennis in 2022. He said he wanted to share with the students three "tennis lessons" he learned during his career that has helped him transition to life after it, in the hopes that they might help them transition to life out in the world as well.

Lesson 1: Nothing is 'effortless'

"'Effortless' is a myth," he began. "I mean it. I say that as someone who has heard that word a lot. The truth is, I had to work very hard to make it look easy. I spent years whining, swearing (sorry), throwing my racket before I learned to keep my cool."

He shared a story of how an opponent early in his career helped him understand that anyone can excel in the early part of the game, but it takes significant, sustained effort to reach a level where you can play well throughout an entire tournament.

"I didn’t get where I got on pure talent alone," he said. "I got there by trying to outwork my opponents. I believed in myself. But belief in yourself has to be earned…From this day forward, some people are going to assume that because you graduated from Dartmouth, it all comes easy for you. And you know what? Let them believe that, as long as you don’t."

Lesson 2: "It's only a point."

"Let me explain. You can work harder than you thought possible and still lose," he said. "I have."

Federer explained that he always tried not to lose, of course, but sometimes he did. Everyone does, even those at the very top.

He told a story about how he had started to doubt himself after an opponent scored a point against him early in a match, and he had to learn not to let a single lost point get under his skin. Then he used statistics to illustrate his point.

"In the 1,526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches," he said. "Now, I have a question for all of you. What percentage of the points do you think I won in those matches? Only 54%. In other words, even top-ranked tennis players win barely more than half of the points they play. When you lose every second point, on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot."

"Here’s why I am telling you this," he continued. "When you’re playing a point, it has to be the most important thing in the world, and it is. But when it’s behind you, it’s behind you. This mindset is really crucial, because it frees you to fully commit to the next point and the next point after that with intensity, clarity and focus."

He shared that whatever games the students play in life, sometimes they're going to lose, and to him, the sign of a champion is learning to master hard moments.

"The best in the world are not the best because they win every point," he said. "It’s because they know they’ll lose, again and again, and have learned how to deal with it."

Lesson 3: Life is bigger than the court.

"Even when I was just starting out, I knew that tennis could show me the world... but tennis could never be the world," he said. "I knew that if I was lucky, maybe I could play competitively until my late 30s—maybe even 41! But even when I was in the top five, it was important to me to have a life, a rewarding life full of travel, culture, friendships, and especially family. I never abandoned my roots, and I never forgot where I came from, but I also never lost my appetite to see this very big world."

Federer shared what it has been like for him to serve the children of South Africa, his mother's homeland, through his foundation that focuses on the education of children across Southern Africa.

"It’s been an honor... and it’s been humbling," he said. "An honor to help tackle this challenge, and humbling to see how complex it is."

He shared that he was only 22 when he started his philanthropy work.

"I was not ready for anything other than tennis. But sometimes you’ve got to take a chance and then figure it out," he said. "Philanthropy can mean a lot of things. It can mean starting a nonprofit, or donating money. But it can also mean contributing your ideas, your time and your energy to a mission that is larger than yourself. All of you have so much to give, and I hope you will find your own, unique ways to make a difference, because life really is much bigger than the court."

Wise words from a wise man. You can find the full transcript of Federer's speech here.

From Your Site Articles
roger federer
Joy

New Yorkers share their biggest regrets on a blackboard

They were alarmingly similar.

Image from YouTube video.

What is your biggest regret?

"Make the most of your regrets; never smother your sorrow, but tend and cherish it till it comes to have a separate and integral interest. To regret deeply is to live afresh."

—Henry David Thoreau

No one escapes this world without a regret or two.

Time and time again, when we hear the final regrets of the dying, they're not about wishing they'd made money or worked more hours.

They're almost always about wishing they had the self-confidence to pursue their dreams or the time to stay in touch with loved ones.

community, culture, honesty, collaboration, art

Here are some thoughts on the subject.

Image from YouTube video.

Recently, A Plus in partnership with Strayer University's Ideal Year Initiative, put up a chalkboard on a New York City street and asked passersby to write down their biggest regrets. The people who wrote on the blackboard were from different walks of life, but their regrets were alarmingly similar.

Watch the full video below:

This article first appeared on 9.16.17

From Your Site Articles
culture
Trending Stories