Upworthy's book GOOD PEOPLE, now available - take a look!

Shop
 Explore 

grandma

Internet

Former WhatsApp exec reveals he secretly changed the paella emoji to match his grandma's recipe

"Her paella will live (digitally) forever.”

Twitter/X (@alfongi)

The internet's new obsession? A technology Easter egg.

Here's a question that probably never crossed your mind: While you text away and send that paella emoji 🥘, whose grandmother's recipe are you actually sharing?

If you're like most people, you've likely sent hundreds—if not thousands—of emojis without thinking twice about who designed them or what stories might be hidden behind those tiny digital images. But what if I told you that one former tech executive has been keeping a glorious secret for years—and his recent confession is breaking the Internet in the best possible way?

When I was at WhatsApp, I changed the ingredients in the paella 🥘 emoji to match my grandma's recipe.

She’s no longer with us, but her paella will live (digitally) forever. https://t.co/z2tBREJ3U0
— Alfonso (@alfongj) July 8, 2025

How an Easter egg became the internet's new tech obsession

Alfonso Gómez-Jordana never set out to become the main character online.

But after participating in the viral Twitter/X trend, “Share a piece of lore about yourself,” the co-founder of Crossmint (an all-in-one platform that helps developers integrate stablecoins, wallets, and more into their businesses) found himself as the star of everyone's feel-good story of the week. The University of California at Berkeley graduate is a certified technology wizard, with impressive stints at Silicon Valley giants like Facebook and Google. At Google, he created the “I'm not a robot” reCAPTCHA security measure—a button virtually everyone online has clicked countless times. (On his founder profile, he playfully apologizes for this invention.) At Facebook, he worked directly under Mark Zuckerberg, developing a “technologically complex feature for the Facebook Android app” from scratch. And if that weren't impressive enough, he was also a national math Olympiad, taking home the top gold prize.

Having made tech decisions that affected billions of users worldwide, Gómez-Jordana was accustomed to operating at the highest level. But as the third-ever product manager at WhatsApp, the international messaging juggernaut, he likely never imagined that a single Tweet would touch so many hearts.

“When I was at WhatsApp, I changed the ingredients in the paella emoji to match my grandma’s recipe,” Alfonso revealed in a post that has since gone viral across multiple platforms. “She’s no longer with us, but her paella will live on (digitally) forever.”

paella, app, grandma, recipe, emoji “No wonder the WhatsApp paella tastes better than your average paella,” someone joked. Twitter/X (@alfongi)

On Twitter/X, Gómez-Jordana's original post has accumulated 11,000 retweets and over 272,000 likes, along with an outpouring of heartfelt responses.

“I love paella!” commented one user. “I think it's really sweet of you to remember her legacy in this way.”

“WAIT, STOP, THIS IS PRECIOUS,” cheered another.

Many declared Alfonso the winner of the viral “lore trend,” with one person writing, “Ok, this is some top lore.” Another replied, “Of all the versions of this trend, this one is my favorite.”

“No wonder the WhatsApp paella tastes better than your average paella,” someone else joked.

And just like that, with a click of a button—something Gómez-Jordana had done countless times throughout his career—a simple confession about a secret tech Easter egg became something more powerful: a touching story about a grandson honoring his grandmother, and the unexpected ways our digital lives can preserve the memory of those who shaped us.

Makeover time!

Before Alonso’s intervention, the paella emoji on WhatsApp was… slightly pitiful. Much like its 2016 Apple equivalent (an emoji so grossly inaccurate, that it sparked a social campaign), the platform’s digital paella icon was quite plain: nothing but a shallow, two-handed pan featuring a blur of orange, peas, and a bone-in chicken leg, plus a few shrimp scattered throughout.

Fortunately, Gómez-Jordana came to the rescue. In 2019, he had the opportunity to update the WhatsApp emoji and secretly modeled the new design after his grandmother's recipe—a variant of the traditional Valencian rice dish. Suddenly, individual grains of rice became visible, burnt-orange gems loaded with warm, aromatic saffron. Green beans entered the pixelated picture, joined by a slice of lemon and a second drumstick.

spain, valencian, alicante, europe, street The beautiful streets of Alicante, Spain. Photo by Joseph Corl on Unsplash

Crafted in the style of Alicante, a picturesque port city in Spain, the paella Alfonso's grandmother made (and its corresponding emoji) featured a distinctive ingredient: red bell pepper. This charming update not only enhanced the emoji's appearance but also reached Android and PC users worldwide. Now, whenever someone sends that paella emoji, they're unknowingly sharing a piece of Alfonso's family legacy.

Oh, but the story gets even better (and more delicious)

In his viral post, Alfonso didn't just reveal the inspiration behind WhatsApp's paella emoji redesign. In a gesture of true generosity, he also shared his grandmother's complete traditional paella recipe with the world.

paella, app, grandma, recipe, emoji Alfonso shares his grandma's recipe. Twitter/X (@alfongi)

From Alfonso Gómez-Jordana’s Twitter/X:

Valencia paella (Alfonso’s grandma)

Serving size: 5 people

Ingredients:

1 ñora pepper, with seeds and stem removed
Olive oil
1 red bell pepper, chopped (clean but not dried)
Chicken
Thyme
10-12 green beans, chopped into 3–4 pieces each
1 tomato
2 peeled garlic cloves
A handful of salt
2 1/2 cups of rice
Saffron or food coloring
1 lemon

via GIPHY

Steps:

Level the paella pan.
Add oil to just cover all the bottom and a little more. Add two pinches of salt.
When the oil is hot, flash-fry the ñora [pepper] for 5 seconds.
Then cook the red pepper with a pinch of salt. First, on one side (5-7 minutes), then the other (3 minutes), and set aside on a plate.
Do the same with the green beans (2 minutes per side).
Now add the chicken. Salt it well. Cook for about 5 minutes (while turning), until it’s no longer raw on the outside (but not fully cooked).
Add about 2 tablespoons of grated tomato (or 1 whole grated tomato) to the chicken and sauté until the tomato is half-dry (5-7 minutes).
In a blender: Add water, a handful of salt, a couple bits of ñora, the 2 garlic cloves, and the cooked ñora. Blend everything.
Add the blended mixture to the chicken, plus more water, until the chicken is just covered. Let it reduce while stirring the chicken so it cooks. Also, add back all the vegetables except the pepper. Let it simmer for approximately 30 minutes, until most of the water evaporates but not all (don’t let it burn).
Add 1/2 cup of rice per person, and 1 cup of water per person. Once all the water is added, add the red pepper and the saffron or food coloring. Cook on high heat for 5–7 minutes, then lower the heat for another 10 minutes. Stir occasionally and taste for salt.
When almost no broth remains, taste the rice. If it’s done, turn off the heat, remove from heat, and cover with paper towels for 7 minutes.
Uncover, stir, so the bottom comes to the top, and it’s ready to serve.

The garnish on top: a college roommate’s memory that will make you smile

As if Alfonso’s story wasn’t endearing enough, an unexpected voice chimed in online. It was Tomás Vega, Alfonso’s former college roommate, who jumped into the conversation with a memory that perfectly captures Alfonso’s love of his grandmother’s paella recipe.

“When I lived with Alfonso, he made paella every week, and we jokingly registered the house as 'Paella Patio,’” he reminisced on Twitter/X. “I used to wake up on Sundays to strangers knocking on the door asking if paella was happening.”

When I lived with Alfonso, he made paella every week and we jokingly registered the house as “Paella Patio”

I used to wake up on Sundays to strangers knocking on the door asking if paella was happening pic.twitter.com/hv3ilTIVLf
— Tomás Vega (@tomasmas) July 8, 2025

He shared a screenshot of the famed “Paella Patio” on Google Maps: a five-star “Spanish restaurant” with a whopping 53 reviews. “Alfonso and his team made my friends and I feel like personal guests in a backyard-like setting,” reads the top review. Someone alert the Michelin guide!

The beautiful family legacy lives on

Today, Alfonso's grandmother's culinary legacy extends far beyond the family kitchen, reaching millions through a tiny, meticulously designed digital icon—a wonderful tribute she never could have imagined. Unlike typical corporate changes driven by data, user research, and business metrics, this emoji update came from the heart. Who would have thought such a small digital symbol could evoke such emotion? 🥘

paella, app, grandma, recipe, emoji Alfonso poses with his grandma's famous paella. Twitter/X (@alfongi)

This story reminds us that behind every app, feature, and emoji is a real person making decisions. While these choices are often guided by analytics and numbers, they can also be shaped by love, memory, and the desire to make our digital world more genuine and personal.

Next time you use the paella emoji, remember you're not just sending a food icon—you're sharing a piece of family history. Though Alfonso's grandmother is gone, her paella, and everything it represents, truly lives on digitally forever.

From Your Site Articles

internet

Family

8 secret habits that help grandparents build unbreakable bonds with grandchildren

Simple, everyday actions any grandparents can adopt.

Photo credit: Canva

There's something important happening in these tight-knit grandparent-grandchild moments.

You know that moment when a three-year-old runs full-speed into their grandpa’s arms like they haven’t seen him in years, even though it’s only been three days? Or when a sulky teenager who won’t even grunt “hello” to their parents suddenly lights up and starts chatting animatedly with grandma about the latest drama at school?

There’s something happening in these tight-knit moments that goes way deeper than many realize, and scientists have finally figured out what it is.

grandparents, granchild, grandma, grandpa, child Researchers have discovered the secret to long-lasting relationships between grandparents and grandchildren.Photo credit: Canva

The secret that’s been hiding in plain sight

Researchers have spent years trying to understand why some grandparent-grandchild relationships are absolute magic whiles others just…aren’t. In a collection of generational research, scientists and psychologists have studied hundreds of families, tracked brain scans, measured stress hormones, and tracked childhood relationships for decades.

What they discovered was nothing short of amazing—and it might make you want to call your grandparents right now.

Grandparents who create those unbreakable bonds aren’t doing anything extraordinary; actually, it’s the exact opposite. They’re not the ones with the biggest toy budgets or most elaborate vacation plans. Instead, they’re practicing eight surprisingly simple habits that literally rewire children’s brains for trust, empathy, and emotional resilience.

And here’s the kicker: most of them don’t even realize they’re doing it.

via GIPHY

The 8 habits that change everything

(1) They show up for the boring stuff:

Yes, birthday parties and graduation ceremonies are important, but grandparents who build the strongest bonds with their grandchildren understand something profound: random Tuesday afternoons matter just as a much as special occasions.

Child psychologists call this “predictable availability,” and it amounts to something like relationship gold. When kids know that grandma will be there, not just for the big moments, but also for homework help, scraped knees, and all the mundane moments that make up life, something powerful happens in their brain.

They develop what attachment theorists refer to as “earned secure attachment”—an unshakable trust in the other that becomes the bedrock for many other relationships they’ll experience in their lifetime.

via GIPHY

(2) They listen like their life depends on it

In our phone-buzzing, multitasking world, grandparents who offer their grandchildren their complete, undivided attention generate something rare and increasingly precious. We’re talking about the kind of listening where phones remain face-down and eye contact doesn’t waver.

Without distractions, grandparents are able to really connect with the grandchildren in a way they might not experience in other aspects of their lives—and even for youngsters, that goes a long way.

grandparents, granchild, grandma, grandpa, child Grandparents who consistently show up for their grandchildren tend to have more satisfying relationships. Photo credit: Canva

(3) They tell stories that make themselves human

The most powerful grandparent storytellers aren’t the ones with the most exciting tales, like meeting Mick Jagger backstage at a concert (although, that would be kind of cool): they’re the ones who are willing to be vulnerable. When grandpa admits that he failed his driving test twice, or grandma shares how terrified she was on her first day of high school, grandchildren learn important life lessons, like that imperfection is normal and resilience is possible.

In a paper published by Cambridge Development and Psychology, this phenomenon is labeled “narrative coherence.” These stories help children see themselves as a larger part of the family narrative, creating a sense of identity and belonging that research shows reduces anxiety and increases self-esteem.

via GIPHY

(4) They cultivate judgment-free zones

Perhaps the most crucial habit involves cultivating what psychologists call “emotional safety nets.” These grandparents become skilled at offering comfort without conditions; acceptance sans lectures.

Children need at least one adult in their lives who accept them unconditionally. While parents must balance love with guidance and discipline, grandparents are uniquely positioned to fill this crucial role.

“For kids, an extremely important resilience factor is a warm, nurturing relationship with a parent, caregiver, or other adult,” said Dr. Sara VanBronkhorst, a voluntary faculty in psychiatry at Columbia who led a 2023 study published in JAMA Psychiatry. “Our study demonstrates that children who have at least one positive, committed adult-child relationship are less likely to experience depression, anxiety and perceived stress later in life.”

via GIPHY

(5) They let the kids be the teachers

Here’s where it gets fascinating: the strongest grandparent-grandchild bonds often include moments where the child becomes the teacher. When grandparents humble themselves to learn about their interests—Pokémon cards, hour-long YouTube videos about ant colonies, hilarious TikTok filters, etc.—something wonderful occurs.

For children, teaching an adult something, no matter how mundane, validates their knowledge and boosts self-confidence. Research confirms that kids who regularly teach adults develop stronger communication skills and higher self-esteem.

(6) They keep their promises

This might seem obvious, but think back to childhood: how many times did you hear statements like, “I promise I won’t get mad,” and the exact opposite happened? Children’s brains are finely tuned to reliability patterns, meaning, when grandparents consistently follow through on commitments—even tiny ones—they build “earned security.”

This doesn’t need to be nitpicky. For example, when grandpa calls ahead to explain to his grandchild that Crumbl was closed, so he can’t bring the “promised” cookies, but suggests making them together instead, he doesn’t just fulfill a promise. He strengthens the bond by showing that his commitment matters, despite how “small” it may seem.

via GIPHY

(7) They carve out one-on-one time

Family gatherings are crucial, but the deepest bonds form during individual interactions. Research shows that children have multiple aspects to them—different parts of themselves that emerge in various contexts. For example, a quiet child might become suddenly chatty during a solo walk with grandma.

These individual connections don’t require elaborate activities or effort. Sometimes, the most meaningful moments happen between a grandchild and grandparent during simple car rides to the grocery store or while folding laundry together.

(8) They adapt as the kids grow

The grandparents who maintain strong bonds through everything—the terrible twos, that phase when all the child can ask is “Why?”, and the teenage years—understand that all relationships must evolve. This might feel strange at first, like accepting the once-cuddly grandchild who now prefers fist bumps to hugs, or the moody teen who prefers to quietly scroll on their phones during visits.

Grandparents who take this all in stride, who can adapt without taking these changes personally, often find their relationships with their grandchildren to deepen during adolescence.

grandparents, granchild, grandma, grandpa, children The most powerful connections don't spring from grand gestures or expensive gifts.Photo credit: Canva

It’s the simple truth that changes everything

So, the next time you're with your grandchildren—or you're thinking about the grandparents you’re lucky to have in life—remember this: the most powerful connections don’t spring from grand gestures or expensive gifts.

Relationships that matter—relationships that thrive—grow through an accumulation of small moments when someone important chooses to show up, listen with their whole heart, and love without conditions. In a world that increasingly feels divided and disconnected, these grandparent-grandchild relationships offer something quite precious: proof that genuine human connection is still possible, one random Tuesday afternoon at a time.

From Your Site Articles

grandparents

Modern Families

People discuss brutally honest reasons why so many Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."

Image via Canva

People offer their theories on why Boomer grandparents are more absent.

Boomer grandparents have recently come under fire by their Millennial children for how they grandparent. Many Millennials have opened up online about their parents' less-than-stellar help with grandkids and their overall absence.

In a Reddit forum discussing the differences between generations, user @No_Language_423 posed the question: "Why are so many Boomer grandparents hands-off?" They went on to add, "Genuinely curious about this. Why is it that so many Boomer grandparents seem completely uninterested in being involved or helping out with their grandkids in a real, consistent way?"

In a further explanation, they added, "From what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of Boomers actually did have active, supportive parents when they were raising their own kids. Their moms would babysit, cook, or even move nearby to help out. But now, when Millennials become parents and hope for that same kind of support, it’s like even asking is seen as too much. Some even act insulted by the idea."

old couple, grandparents, grandma, grandpa, older couple up s GIF Giphy

However, they also noted this description of Boomer grandparents can't be generalized. They added, "Of course, there are outliers. I’m not talking about the people who comment, 'Well I help my kids all the time.' That’s great, but I’m noticing a pattern, not isolated cases. There seems to be a broader generational vibe around this. It doesn’t feel like a case-by-case thing, it feels like a shift in attitude."

They ended their post with more pondering thoughts. "At the same time, I hear a lot of Millennial parents saying they already plan to be very involved grandparents someday. So what changed? Is it a cultural shift? A difference in how retirement is viewed? Or maybe Boomers didn’t get as much help as we assume? Curious to hear what others think, especially from people who’ve experienced this dynamic firsthand."

Many people chimed in with their thoughts and firsthand experience as to why Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off. These are 15 of the most compelling responses.

boomer, boomers, boomer grandparents, grandparents, boomer grandkids Old Lady Reaction GIF Giphy

"The parents of boomers didn’t call their kids boomers; they called them the ME generation. Because it was all about them. They’re the ME generation." —@BEniceBAGECKA

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."—@ azulsonador0309

"Their moms were 23 when they had kids. Their kids were 23 when they had kids. Grandma was 46. Today’s grandmas are in their sixties. They have a hard time getting through the day without their own naps." —@Ok_Membership7264

"My theory is that it's related to people having kids later in life. The grandparents are older on average." —@nineoctopii

retire, retirement, boomer, boomers, boomer grandparent Season 7 Showtime GIF by Dexter Giphy

"It's because they had children because 'that's what's done,' not because they actually wanted them. Now that they're 'free,' they aren't going to give that up for anything. Notice how they are also distant with their own kids. It's not like they're interested in their kids, but not the grandkids. They want nothing to do with any of it." —@ExcellentCold7354

"I'm 56. Most 56 year olds these days still have full time jobs and other responsibilities to where babysitting and moving are not viable options." —@shammy_dammy

"Have you met Gen X? They were feral kids for a reason. The boomers could barely be bothered to raise their own children. They certainly aren't going to be stepping up for the grandkids." —@gwenkane404

anxious parent, millennial parent, high maintenance parenting, parent, millennial parents My Baby No GIF by CBeebies HQ Giphy

"Millennials have also changed. Every time I offer to help, I get a scroll of instructions, gluten-free snacks, feelings charts, and nap negotiations that last longer than peace talks. Any small deviation is treated like trauma. It’s exhausting." —@Revolutionary-Buy655

"I'm a millennial with Boomer parents. My parents were pretty hands off when I was a child, so it's not surprising they were hands-off with their grandchildren. My parents dropped me off with my grandparents for weekends so frequently that I had my own bedroom there. I plan to be an involved grandparent because I value the relationship I had with my own grandparents so much. I feel sorry for the Boomers. They don't realize how much they are missing out on by focusing on themselves." —@CandidateNo2731

"They were sold the idea of retirement their entire lives. And now they feel entitled to that instead of adjusting with the times. They’re loss, historically." —@rollbackprices

parents, parenting, frustrated parents, annoyed parents, boomer parents season 7 kids GIF Giphy

"I think part of the answer is because a lot of them didn’t really want to have kids in the first place. But back then it’s just what you did. You got married at 20 and started popping out babies shortly after. If you didn’t, you were an abomination to the family." —@Screamcheese99

"We are older than the previous generation's grandparents. Believe it. Being 60+ and trying to care for toddlers is hard! Also, despite our experience and knowledge, we are often given ridiculous instructions and rules to follow by our own children, along with lists of likes/dislikes to adhere to. They expect entertainment in ways we are just not able to provide. Personal example from my attempt at babysitting my grandchild: I literally have not moved the car seat, that she installed, even an inch, but my DIL huffs, sighs, makes comments when getting her out of it. I am nice enough to drive her to her job to shorten their commute home, but I even do that wrong. So, forget it. I tried." —@TXteachr2018

"I think its because we live so far away from each other." —@Apprehensive_Pie_105

worlds apart, far away, long distance, live far apart, distant could not be more different long distance GIF by Jay Sprogell Giphy

"Hmm. I feel like the sense of community is gone. Starting with the Boomers in my family they emigrated to the US and scattered away from each other. States away from each other they had no support system and worked themselves ragged. There wasn’t really a village to help raise a child. Now that they are retired it’s like having a second chance at life and they don’t want to spend it watching kids. They want to pursue their hobbies and relax which I honestly don’t blame them." —@KorraNHaru

"Many Boomers (not all! so don't come for me lol) have deep, untreated trauma and mental health issues. Many are even very detached from their own existences at this point. Narcissistic traits are common among them, which is based in deep self-loathing. I think deep down a lot of them feel ashamed of how they raised their kids and don't want to mess up their grandkids as well." —@Arysta

From Your Site Articles

boomer grandparents

Joy

Family stages an intervention for pit bull that only misbehaves when Grandma is around

“I’m noticing that when your mom is at work, your behavior is getting worse.”

Photo by Michael G on Unsplash

Family stages intervention for their misbehaving dog

Dogs are toddlers in little furry bodies, or at least that's how they behave sometimes. They constantly get into things they shouldn't and act like they're hyped up on a batch of Pixy Stix when they are excited about something. Their uncontrollable zoomies can have dogs crashing into walls, furniture, and people without a care in their tiny dog world.

Just like toddlers, pit bulls' behavior can change depending on who supervises them. In one family, a pit bull named Bishop Ace keeps giving Grandma a run for her money any time she's charged with babysitting him. Jayla doesn't have any human grandchildren, and Bishop Ace is her only granddog, so you'd think he would be nicer to his grandma, especially since he knows how to behave.

Turns out that the pittie has exquisite manners with his mother, Shauna. He loves cuddling with her and listens the first time he's asked to do something, but as soon as mom goes to work, Bishop runs amuck.

But Shauna doesn't believe her sweet little dog could ever do anything as wild as grandma reports, which is exactly why grandma started recording Bishop's hijinks. This is what seems to have led to an intervention with the hyperactive pit bull.

"We want to have a conversation with you," Jayla says. "Because I'm noticing when mom is at work, your behavior is getting worse. You don't listen when grandma says 'drop it,' you run."

Bishop Ace refused to make eye contact for much of the intervention, and when Grandma was done speaking, Shauna gave the obviously guilty dog scratches and denied that it was him causing the problem. Even with the video evidence, Bishop Ace is still his mama's baby and can do no wrong in her eyes, so all of Grandma's intervention efforts never work. But if you want to see some adorably hilarious "bad dog" shenanigans, you can check out the video from The Dodo below.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

The commenters loved how Bishop interacts with his family, even if he is mischievous. "I love this! The look on his face during the intervention is priceless! He looks over at his mama like, 'I don’t know what this woman is talking about!' When mama was holding him like a baby he was looking up at grandma like, 'Just wait until she leaves!'" Andi wrote. "I love how he acted like that wasn't him in the video when Mom was looking at the phone and showing him how he was acting. This was just too hilarious, and it was so sweet how grandma was holding him and singing Amazing Grace, and he was so peaceful and relaxed," KWeaver added. "Love this video—especially the mock intervention. Grandma is awesome. Bishop just knows which play buttons to push," Jenny wrote in the comments.

funny dog videos, the dodo, pit bulls, pibbles, dog videos, funny dogs, bishop ace A sweet pit bull.via Canva/Photos

This article originally appeared two years ago.

From Your Site Articles

dogs

Modern Families

Grandma explains why 'little secrets' between kids and grandparents aren't cute

"Don't tell mommy," sounds harmless. It's not.

Canva Photos

A grandma says grandparents should never say "Don't tell mommy"

Conflict between parents and grandparents seems to be at an all-time high. There's always been friction there due to different parenting styles and generational points of view. But lately, our culture is changing so fast that the divide seems greater than ever. Parents gripe that grandparents aren't doing enough babysitting, while the grandparents are still working and struggling to make ends meet. Grandparents don't like how much screentime their grandchildren are getting while parents are completely overwhelmed and just treading water most days.

One big source of conflict is whether grandparents are willing to respect and follow rules that parents have established, even if they might not agree with them. For example, most parents want grandma and grandpa to mind their kids' bedtime if they're babysitting or not go overboard with sugary treats. It's very easy for a grandparent to bend these rules with three simple words: "Don't tell Mommy!"

One grandma has sparked a fierce debate with her strong opinion on the matter: Little secrets between kids and grandparents aren't cute, they're dangerous.

grandparents, grandma, grandpa, parenting, kids, family, dads, moms, fatherhood, motherhood, teens, parenting tips, grandparenting tips "If you can't do it openly, don't do it." Photo by Ekaterina Shakharova on Unsplash

Dee Dee More offers advice and tips for new grandparents who want to excel in their role and, as she puts it, "be more than grand." In one recent video, she explained why "Don't tell Mommy" is something grandparents should never find themselves saying.

“Don’t be the grandparent who teaches your grandchild their first lesson in deception,” she says. “Let me be clear: asking grandchildren to keep secrets from their parents crosses a line that should never be crossed.”

“Picture this: you give your grandchild an extra cookie and say ‘Don’t tell mommy!’ Seems harmless, doesn’t it? It’s not,” she goes on. “‘Don’t tell Mommy’ is literally asking a child to lie to their parents. Children need to know that they can tell their parents anything, and you’ve just taught them the opposite. You’re also undermining the parent child relationship. A child’s safety can depend on open communication with their parents. Encouraging secret-keeping is exactly how predators operate; you don’t want to normalize that."

To be clear, she's not saying that asking a child to keep secrets about extra dessert from their parents is predator-like behavior. But parents work extremely hard to make sure their kids feel safe to tell them anything, anything. We want them to feel like they can tell us if someone hurts them, or to know they can call us one day when they've had too much to drink instead of getting in the car.

This small gesture, though relatively well-intentioned, can undermine that process.

“The key is simple: respect parents’ rules. If you can’t do something openly, don’t do it at all. Your relationship with your grandchild should strengthen their family bonds, not weaken them."

@morethangrand
That 'harmless' request to keep a secret? It's not harmless at all. Here's what every grandparent needs to understand about why secrets from parents are never okay. Teaching children that they should keep secrets from their parents: 🔴Undermines trust between parent and child 🟢Creates confusion about honesty 🔵Mirrors predatory behavior patterns 🔴Weakens family communication Instead of secret-keeping, try transparent communication with the parents about boundaries and special treats. Remember: If you can't do it openly, don't do it at all. For more ways to create healthy connection with your grandchild, sign up for our weekly emails from the link on my page! #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Parents and grandparents alike chimed in to hard-agree with More's sentiment. Her words clearly seemed to strike a nerve with people on both sides of the parent-grandparent relationship.

The video was viewed over 30 thousand times on TikTok. Here are a few of the best comments:

"Granny here. Thank you for this. Safe adults do NOT ask children to keep secrets."

"I'm glad this is being talked about. I think people generally have good hearts, but they need to realize how damaging this is."

"And a grandparent who has an issue with this or says that the parent is being ridiculous, they are not safe people!!!"

"If you can’t do something openly don’t do it at all"

"you also make them believe the parent are going to be furious with the kid instead of the grandparent for something the grandparent did"

"My inlaws told my child not to tell me that they drove him without a carseat (in the front seat no less) and as a result have not been left alone with any of my kids since. It is unsafe for the child, and also for your relationship with your adult child."

More's video also raised bigger questions about how families should handle secrets and "lies of omission."

@morethangrand
With Easter coming up, grandparents may need a reminder that filling an Easter basket is not their job. Parents get to do all the fun firsts with their children--just as you did. Do they want your help? Maybe! So ask them! Don't just show up with an Easter basket, and claim the Easter bunny dropped it off at your house. What do you think? Should grandparents get to have the fun of the "firsts" with their grandchildren? #grandparents #grandparent #CommunicationTips #GrandparentsLove #AdultChildren #NewGrandparent #newgrandparents #newgrandma #Grandparenting #grannytok #HealthyBoundaries #Boomer #EffectiveCommunication #GentleGrandparenting

Several commenters chimed in that they teach their kids about "fun secrets" or "surprises" and how those are different than bad secrets. For example, we're not going to tell Mommy what we got her for her birthday. That's a fun secret, or a surprise. The key element of a surprise is that it's not meant to stay hidden forever; it's meant to be shared when the time is right.

Hiding something because we're afraid of the repercussions is very different.

And, by the way, it's not just grandparents who do this. Even parents themselves do it. Dads let the kids watch an R-rated movie and say "Don't tell Mommy." Mom lets the kids off the hook for an agreed-upon consequence and winks, "Don't tell Daddy." It undermines trust and safety no matter what adult is doing it.

There are gray areas, though, and it's not always clear cut. Part of helping your kid learn to trust that they can tell you anything is letting them know that you won't go and blab about it. It's not so much about secrets, or surprises, but everyone's right to privacy—even children. If my daughter wants to keep puberty-related conversations between her and her mom, she has that right, and I trust both of them to let me know what I need to know.

It's complicated, and it's easy to overthink every little thing.

"The key is to stay in the area between over-thinking and being thoughtless," More explained. "Thinking before we do something is usually the best way to go!"

From Your Site Articles

grandparents

Motherhood

Millennial mom is stunned when grandma compares parenting in the 80s to now

Taylor Wolfe couldn't believe her mom slept soundly without any kind of baby monitor.

@thedailytay/TikTok

"My anxiety could not have handled the 80s."

Raising kids is tough no matter what generation you fall into, but it’s hard to deny that there was something much simpler about the childrearing days of yesteryear, before the internet offered a million and one ways that parents could be—and probably are—doing it all very, very wrong.

What's especially fascinating is that our data and best-practices have gotten so much better over time. Parents in the 80s had no idea that crib bumpers were dangerous, just like their parents didn't know that using whiskey as a sleep aid probably wasn't the best idea! We know better, and yet, we're burdened by the overwhelming amount of knowledge and potential dangers around us.

Taylor Wolfe, a millennial mom, nails this conundrum perfectly this as she asks her own mother a series of rapid-fire questions about raising her during the 80s and the stark contrast in attitudes becomes blatantly apparent.

80s, parenting, millennial mom, motherhood, millennial parens, boomer grandparents, moms, dads, parents, kids Parenting in 2025 is a lot different than in the 1980s. Photo by Alexander Dummer on Unsplash

In a clip posted on TikTok, Wolfe and her mom sit side by side on the couch and have a fascinating discussion.

First off, Wolfe can’t comprehend how her mom survived without being able to Google everything. (Not even a parent, but I feel this.)

“What did we have to Google?” her mom asks while shaking her head incredulously.

“Everything! For starters, poop!” Wolfe says. “Cause you have to know if the color is an okay color, if it's healthy!”

“I was a nursing mom, so if the poop came out green, it was because I ate broccoli,” her mom responds.

…Okay, fair point. But what about handy gadgets like baby monitors? How did Wolfe’s mom keep her kid alive without one?

“I was the monitor, going in and feeling you,” she says. Wolfe asked her mom how she slept without a baby monitor and knowing for certain, at every instant, that she was safe? "We just slept" her mom deadpanned.

@thedailytay
My anxiety would have hated the 80s. Or maybe loved it? IDK! #fyp #millennialsontiktok #parenttok #momsoftiktok #comedyvid

Could it really be that easy? It was for Wolfe’s mom, apparently. Rather than relying on technology, she simply felt her child and adjusted accordingly.

“If you were hot, you slept in a diaper. If you were cold, you had a blanket around you.” Done and done.

Wolfe then got into more existential questions, asking her mom if she ever felt the stress of “only having 18 summers” with her child, and how to make the most of it.

Without missing a beat, Wolfe's mother says, “It's summer, I still have you.”

Cue the tears!

Going by Wolfe’s mom, the 80s seems like a time with much less pressure on parents.

@thedailytay
She had some big feelings. #parentsoftiktok #gentleparenting #satire #fyp #foryoupage #momlife #parents #millennialsoftiktok

From feeding her kids McDonald’s fries guilt-free to being spared the judgment of internet trolls, she just sort of did the thing without worrying so much if she was doing it correctly.

That’s nearly impossible in today’s world, as many viewers commented.

“Google just gives us too much information and it scares us,” one person quipped.

Another seconded, “I swear social media has made me wayyyy more of an anxious mom."

"it's almost like all the technology, and it's advertising, leads to so much unnecessary anxiety" someone added.

Even a professional noted: “As someone who has worked in pediatrics since the 80s, the parents are way more anxious now.”

It's no wonder that parents' mental health is, collectively, in the toilet. We're more stressed today about money, work-life balance, getting into good schools, signing up for activities that gobble up all our time... everything.

Experts say there are ways parents can manage the stresses of modern life, though. Reducing phone and social media use, for starters, is a good way to avoid ruminating on all the potential dangers of the world. Parents are also challenged to push themselves out of their comfort zone by allowing their child more freedom and independence than they'd normally be comfortable with. For example, letting your kids walk to school or go buy something from a store without your help.

I don’t think anyone truly wants to go back in time, per se. But many of us are yearning to bring more of this bygone mindset into the modern day. And the big takeaway here: No matter how many improvements we make to life, if the cost is our mental state, then perhaps it’s time to swing the pendulum back a bit.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles

motherhood

Parenting

Parents are sick and tired of explaining why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Our kids are probably going to hurt your house and themselves.

Johnny Cohen/Unsplash

Fed up parents explain why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

It's a good news/bad news situation for parents of young kids. The good news? Everyone wants to spend time with the kids! Grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends. They all want a relationship and lots of special moments with the little ones. It's why people assume if you have family nearby that you're "so lucky," and that you're overrun with free babysitting offers. Ha! If only.

The bad news comes down to one phrase: "When are you bringing them over?" Parents have been frustrated by the expectations of orchestrating stressful visits for generations — loading the kids in a car or on an airplane only to spend hours chasing them around in an un-baby-proofed environment and watching routines go to hell.

Now they're sounding off on social media and airing their grievances.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

A mom recently took to Reddit to vent about everyone in her life wanting her to "bring the kids to them."

"My parents live 30 mins away and always bug me about not coming to visit them," she writes. They constantly ask, "Why don't you bring our granddaughter to come see us?"

The post struck a nerve with parents, who chimed in with hundreds of passionate comments. The fascinating discussion highlights a few things that make arranging visits with young kids a potential nightmare for parents.

Grandparents' houses are rarely childproofed

Grandparents love their breakable decor! Ceramic doo-dads, glass vases everywhere. They can't get enough. In fact, they like to dedicate massive pieces of furniture only to housing their fine china, which they never use, but which is also extremely valuable and sentimental.

And while they should be able to decorate their house however they see fit (they've earned the right!) that doesn't make it a good environment for toddlers and babies.

parents, parenting, moms, dads, grandparents, millennial grandparents, gen x, boomers, grandparent conflict, grandma, grandpa The breakable decor found in every grandparents' house ozalee.fr/Flickr

"Last week was the last straw, I took my daughter to my parents and of course she went EVERYWHERE! flooded their toilet, broke a vase, and tried multiple times to climb their furniture," the Reddit mom writes.

Parents in a foreign environment are on constant safety duty and can rarely sit down

Let's be honest. Sometimes these "visits" are hardly worth the effort. After all, it's hard to get much catch up time when you're dutifully chasing your kid around.

"They don’t understand that my 3 yo ... is absolutely wild," writes another user in the thread. "She has no self preservation and nothing we do works. She doesn’t listen, she throws, she bites, she refuses to use the potty. It’s exhausting and then ... they expect us to entertain them, when I’m trying to just keep my kid from jumping off the stairs and into an ER visit."

A visit at the grandparents' house is often not a fun catch-up time for mom and dad. It's rare to get to sit down and have an adult conversation when they're busy trying to play Safety Police. It's common to leave one of these visits frustrating and like it wasn't really a visit at all.

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

Even just putting the kids in the car for a 20-minute drive is more work than it seems

Taking the kids out of the house requires packing a bag, bringing extra clothes, loading up on snacks, etc.

It seems easy to "pop over" but it actually absorbs the majority of the day between prep, visit, and aftermath. In the case of the OP mom and her parents that are "just" 30 minutes away, that's an entire hour of just driving, not counting any visiting time. If anyone's ever driven with young kids, you know that's an eternity! For a drive like that, you need snacks, you need entertainment. You may have to clean up spills, deal with traffic tantrums, or pull over to break up a fight. It's really a lot of work.

Naps and routines go to hell

Parents with babies and toddlers know all too well — there is a price to pay for taking the kids out of the house for too long.

Chances are, the baby won't nap in a strange environment and then you're stuck with a cranky kid the rest of the night. You can and will try, bringing your little pack-and-play and your best intentions, but the process will be draining and probably unsuccessful.

And then guess what? You're totally screwed when you go home later, yay!

Kids with special needs require even more consistency

Kids with autism or ADHD can really struggle outside of their zone of safety. They might become severely dysregulated, have meltdowns, or engage in dangerous behaviors. This adds even more stress to parents and makes the visits even less fun and satisfying in the end.

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

parents, parenting, moms, dads, grandparents, millennial grandparents, gen x, boomers, grandparent conflict, grandma, grandpa It may be hard to navigate, but a positive child-grandparent relationship is such a powerful thing. Photo by Tim Kilby on Unsplash

Why is this a conflict almost all parents can relate to?

Is this a Boomer vs Millennials thing?

Some experts think that generational values and traditions might play a role.

"Many Boomers were accustomed to more traditional, hierarchical family dynamics, where visiting grandparents was a way for the younger generation to show respect," says Caitlin Slavens, a family psychologist.

But that's not to say this is a new problem. I can remember my own parents driving me and my brothers over an hour to visit my grandparents seemingly every other weekend, but very few occasions where they came to visit us. It must have driven my parents nuts back then!

Plus, it's easy to forget that it's hard for older people to travel, too. They may have their own issues and discomforts when it comes to being away from their home.

"But for today’s parents, balancing careers, kids’ routines, and the demands of modern parenting is a much bigger undertaking. Grandparents might not always see how childproofing their space or making the trip themselves could make a huge difference, especially considering how travel and disruption can impact younger kids' moods and routines," Slavens says.

"So yes, this divide often comes down to different expectations and life experiences, with older generations potentially not seeing the daily demands modern families face."

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

"First, open conversations help bridge the divide—explain how much of a difference it makes when the kids stay in a familiar space, especially when they’re very young," suggests Slavens.

"Share practical details about the challenges, like childproofing concerns or travel expenses, to help grandparents see it from a parent’s perspective. You might even work together to figure out solutions, like making adjustments to create a more child-friendly space in their home or agreeing on a shared travel plan."

Ultimately, it's a good thing when grandparents, friends, and other relatives want to see the kids. We all have the same goal. Just look at how incredible it can be when everything goes right:

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

"It’s helpful to approach the topic with empathy, focusing on everyone’s goal: more quality time together that’s enjoyable and low-stress for everyone involved. For parents, it’s about setting boundaries that work, and for grandparents, it’s about recognizing that flexibility can really show the parents that you are ... willing to make adjustments for their children and grandchildren."

Enjoyable, low-stress quality time — that's something everyone can get behind.

This article was originally posted last year. It has been updated.

From Your Site Articles

parenting

grandma

Former WhatsApp exec reveals he secretly changed the paella emoji to match his grandma's recipe

"Her paella will live (digitally) forever.”

How an Easter egg became the internet's new tech obsession

Makeover time!

Oh, but the story gets even better (and more delicious)

The garnish on top: a college roommate’s memory that will make you smile

The beautiful family legacy lives on

8 secret habits that help grandparents build unbreakable bonds with grandchildren

Simple, everyday actions any grandparents can adopt.

The secret that’s been hiding in plain sight

The 8 habits that change everything

It’s the simple truth that changes everything

People discuss brutally honest reasons why so many Boomer grandparents seem to be hands-off

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."

Family stages an intervention for pit bull that only misbehaves when Grandma is around

“I’m noticing that when your mom is at work, your behavior is getting worse.”

Grandma explains why 'little secrets' between kids and grandparents aren't cute

"Don't tell mommy," sounds harmless. It's not.

Millennial mom is stunned when grandma compares parenting in the 80s to now

Taylor Wolfe couldn't believe her mom slept soundly without any kind of baby monitor.

Parents are sick and tired of explaining why they 'never want to bring the kids over' to visit

Our kids are probably going to hurt your house and themselves.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?

Pet behaviorist explains the viral phenomenon of people buying their cats concrete slabs

A 6-yr-old's art teacher said she did her painting 'wrong'. Professional artists disagreed.

Grandma offers wake-up call for grandparents who can't stop buying the grandkids presents

I thought I knew my pal Nikki Glaser. Then she told me her ‘humiliating’ story about Dave Matthews.

We have a small favor to ask of you

grandma

"Her paella will live (digitally) forever.”

How an Easter egg became the internet's new tech obsession

Makeover time!

Oh, but the story gets even better (and more delicious)

The garnish on top: a college roommate’s memory that will make you smile

The beautiful family legacy lives on

Simple, everyday actions any grandparents can adopt.

The secret that’s been hiding in plain sight

The 8 habits that change everything

It’s the simple truth that changes everything

"They were also pretty hands off as parents, too."

“I’m noticing that when your mom is at work, your behavior is getting worse.”

"Don't tell mommy," sounds harmless. It's not.

Taylor Wolfe couldn't believe her mom slept soundly without any kind of baby monitor.

Our kids are probably going to hurt your house and themselves.

Why visiting grandparents and other relatives is so challenging for parents

Explaining and mediating the generational divide

Is there any hope for parents and grandparents coming to a better understanding, or a compromise?