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People share the most beautiful thing someone's done for them and it's a balm for the soul

From random acts of kindness to anonymous altruism to loved ones stepping up for one another, this is the best of humanity in action.

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Photo by Anna Tarazevich/YouTube, Screenshot comments from Upworthy/Instagram

We all can use reminders of the good in people.

News headlines have always skewed negative—"If it bleeds, it leads" is a saying for a reason—but combine the news with a contentious election year and the polarization we so often find on social media and the world can feel rather disheartening.

What we focus on is what we see, however, and if we want to see the good in the world, that's what we have to look at. Part of our mission here at Upworthy is to demonstrate that people are a force for good, and nowhere is that clearer than in the stories our audience shares with us.

We asked our readers, "What's the most beautiful thing someone has done for you?" and the responses are a needed reminder of what's wonderful about people. From random acts of kindness to anonymous altruism to family and community stepping up in the most inspiring ways, here are some examples of humans choosing kindness, thoughtfulness and selflessness to make one another's lives a little better.

"My very attentive GYN doctor kept me much longer at an appointment than it should’ve been. She did not want me to leave the room, being I expressed the verbal and manipulative abuse I was getting from my husband. She gave me a counseling session that I have no words to describe how it helped me."

"When I was going through cancer treatment, and too sick and tired from the chemotherapy to leave the house or be on my feet for very long, my boyfriend (now husband) would take me out and drive all day through various scenic places just so I could see things, feel the wind and smell the air with the windows down. It pulled me out of a very dark hole a few times and gave me the will to keep going!"

"My best friend took me in when my life was falling apart and encouraged me every day that I would survive. She fed me when I was too depressed to eat, she let me bring my cat ( and she was not a cat person) because she knew I needed him for comfort. My husband had cheated on me , my mom was dying and I made it through several months with her until I finally found the courage to stand up on my own again because of her constant faith in me . Her acts of kindness , compassion and love were gestures of beauty from her heart to mine ❤️"

"As a poor college student majoring in music, I sold my piano to pay tuition. My brother bought it back and gave it to me for Christmas that year. My daughter has that piano now."

"My 12 step sponsor. We had never met the day I asked her to sponsor me. We met at her house every Monday for 15 months. She brought me through the 12 steps and helped me learn to love myself, to forgive others, to make amends for my harms done and to be in service. I'm 7 yrs sober and happier than I ever imagined I could be. ❤️" "I once saw a man who looked exactly like my ex partner who’d passed away. It was shocking but also felt so surreal like he was standing in front of me again. I was crying so much but I asked that random stranger for a hug after explaining why. We stood hugging for a long time. It felt like the hug I never got to have. It was so kind of him. 💔 "

"When I had cancer, a lot of friends got together, unbeknownst to me, and folded 1,000 paper cranes. They signed and put kind words side them. Then they gave them to me at a party. I was blown away. They are now hanging in my house as art."

"Mentor me! I grew up in poverty in an unsavory environment. Throughout my life I was presented with wonderful mentors, in addition to the wonderful mother I have present in my life , who pushed me be the best version of myself in the world so that I didn’t have to be a statistic of my environment. Here I am, a happy and thriving man in life because of that attention."

"Probably the elderly couple who took me in as a grandkid adoptee when I was experiencing a lot of chaos and neglect in my family. I spent weeks at their house during the Summer for years and years, starting around age 4. They cooked me good food and sewed me clothes. They had professional photos taken of me for their mantelpiece. I thought they were my actual Grandparents."

"After deciding to leave an abusive marriage with my two small children in tow (ages 2 and 5), my best friend and some of her friends that I did not know packed my apartment, moved all our stuff, AND UNPACKED IT! We got to our new place and it looked like home. I will never forget this act of kindness. It was 18 years ago."

"I had just had my son and had a tough day. My coworker and friend who lived over 4.5 hours away was on the phone with me and could hear I was struggling. This beautiful human offered to drive down here, through LA traffic,to help over the weekend so that I could take care of me. I didn’t take her up on it, but that sheer act of kindness has stuck with me and I tell the story often. My son will be 15 and in high school in a few months and the thought of her complete selfless offer still brings me to tears."

"I had a panic attack outside a shopping centre, and 2 teenage girls saw me upset, came over and offered to get me water and gave me a big hug. Changed my day completely."

"My husband, who stayed by my side through my sickness. He put aside his desire to become a father, because he chose *me* as a partner above all. Throughout my endometriosis journey, 3 surgeries, and the 5 IVFs we had he stood by my side and supported me. We were blessed enough to become parents after all, after 7 rough years, but he would have stayed with me even if that hadn't happened. ❤️"

"When my 7-year old niece was dying, I was in charge of arranging my other siblings’ travel so we could all be with my niece (and my sister, her mom) to say goodbye. I was pregnant, distraught, and barely functioning. Any other time, searching up airfare and making travel arrangements would have been a snap, which is why I was assigned the job. My neighbor stopped by and found me sobbing on the floor. She calmly took over — called my all my family members, none of whom she knew, and arranged travel for strangers while I returned to the hospital. It seems small but when someone does a task for you when you are most in need, it’s gigantic. I will never forget the relief she brought me, and the time she gave me with my niece. Her kindness is inextricably linked to my grief, a bright light in all that darkness."

"My SIL made a freezer full of meals (maybe 25+ meals, desserts and snacks) for me when I was pregnant with my second. I didn’t have to cook for probably 2 months after we brought our baby girl home 🥹"

"Snuck my puppy into the hospital to visit me. Like she went full on incognito mode and put my puppy in a crate, covered it with a blanket and wheeled him in my room. The nurses considered it good medicine and looked the other way. It was in fact good medicine. I was in that bed for 3 weeks. It was and still is one of the most beautiful and special things anyone has ever done for me."

"My disabled son swims in the pool at the gym with a personal trainer. We pay ahead of time for half hour units. But for some reason his month is already paid for. Every month. I don’t know who does this but I’m so grateful."

"I was struggling with depression and basic functioning during my divorce.. finances were unbelievably tight..my kids & I took a train to visit my parents and left house keys with a friend so they could feed cats. When we returned, our house was stocked with food in pantry and fridge, even frozen meals to thaw..pads and tampons in the bathroom.. and a new oven. We had been cooking out of a toaster oven for a year because ours was broken & old and I couldn’t afford a replacement. 🥹"

"When I left my abuser I had a four year old and a four month old. We left with two backpacks and a handful of special items. I was so terrified to start over. A friend of mine posted on Facebook asking for resources to help me furnish my new condo and the post blew up. Strangers from all over my city came and brought blankets, dishes, furniture and a beautiful crib for my daughter. There was not a single item that I needed to purchase on my own. All I could do is cry and thank them all for their kindness. I had nothing to give in return except sheer gratitude. Some drove to me to drop off items and share their stories of survival with me. I remember feeling so awful when I left, doubting if I could stay gone and if I’d be able rebuild my life, but I did. Those people helped me to stand on my feet and gave me hope to help me find my voice again."

"I was bartending at a hotel in Bloomington Indiana where I went to College. I kept myself busy during the slow daytime hours, rug hooking, crafting a gift for my mother. A stranger traveling through town for business (Otis Elevators) sat at the bar for a beer after lunch. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was making a rug for my mother. Because my family is in St. Louis. He asked why I was still here since school was out. I told him I needed to make money so I stayed at this job. He asked if I go home often I said, not enough. It’s too expensive. We chatted for a while and I remember he was kind and 'fatherly' - not at all like the other men who had other things in mind.

The next evening when I came to work there was an envelope with my first name on it. Inside was a one-way ticket to St. Louis and a note that said, “go home and see your mom. “ I will never ever forget that man and how he made me feel. And yes, I went home for an extra hug from my mom. ❤️"

"When I was a kid in 9th grade, my teacher believed me when I told her I was being abused at home. She was the first adult to ever show concern. I think about Ms. Oliver every day. I just needed one person to help me."

"I live in Sacramento and l many years ago I had my purse stolen which is completely devastating. This was before cell phones and the phone book with all of my friends numbers were in it. A few months after it happened a package came in the mail, the return address was just a general San Francisco Post Office address. Inside the package was a number of things from my purse including my driver's license, my phone book, and some other things (some that weren't mine). There was a note inside with some misspellings and grammar errors, that said something along the lines of, I was hitchhiking and found some things on the side of the highway that looked like they were important, so I scrounged some money to send them to you. I think there was a signature, but there wasn't an address for me to send a thank you. This was a true act of selfless kindness, and I still appreciate it to this day."

"I have a facial deformity and I was bullied through elementary and high school and a bit in college. People stare at me, even today, rather than speaking to me as if I am a human being. This history has given me extremely low self esteem. I am 60 years old, but, for this reason, I don’t leave my house unless I absolutely have to (I am fortunate enough to work from home). One day, I was walking through Walmart, looking down, as I usually do, because I don’t like people staring at me, and a man, who must have sensed my unease, walked up to me and told me I was beautiful and to hold my head up and walk proud. It brought tears to my eyes and this random man hugged me - like a 'real' strong hug that a person who cares would give. It made my MONTH! I have no idea who he was, but I will love him forever. You always remember the way people make you feel."

If you loved these stories and want to read more like it, our book, "GOOD PEOPLE: Stories from the Best of Humanity" is available for pre-order now. Find it here.
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Modern Families

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.

Even in divided times, small acts of friendship help create vibrant communities where everyone feels safe.

Once a refugee seeking safety in the U.S., Anita Omary is using what she learned to help others thrive.
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
Pictured here: Anita Omary; her son, Osman; and Omary’s close friends
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In March 2023, after months of preparation and paperwork, Anita Omary arrived in the United States from her native Afghanistan to build a better life. Once she arrived in Connecticut, however, the experience was anything but easy.

“When I first arrived, everything felt so strange—the weather, the environment, the people,” Omary recalled. Omary had not only left behind her extended family and friends in Afghanistan, she left her career managing child protective cases and supporting refugee communities behind as well. Even more challenging, Anita was five months pregnant at the time, and because her husband was unable to obtain a travel visa, she found herself having to navigate a new language, a different culture, and an unfamiliar country entirely on her own.

“I went through a period of deep disappointment and depression, where I wasn’t able to do much for myself,” Omary said.

Then something incredible happened: Omary met a woman who would become her close friend, offering support that would change her experience as a refugee—and ultimately the trajectory of her entire life.

Understanding the journey

Like Anita Omary, tens of thousands of people come to the United States each year seeking safety from war, political violence, religious persecution, and other threats. Yet escaping danger, unfortunately, is only the first challenge. Once here, immigrant and refugee families must deal with the loss of displacement, while at the same time facing language barriers, adapting to a new culture, and sometimes even facing social stigma and anti-immigrant biases.

Welcoming immigrant and refugee neighbors strengthens the nation and benefits everyone—and according to Anita Omary, small, simple acts of human kindness can make the greatest difference in helping them feel safe, valued, and truly at home.

A warm welcome

Dee and Omary's son, Osman

Anita Omary was receiving prenatal checkups at a woman’s health center in West Haven when she met Dee, a nurse.

“She immediately recognized that I was new, and that I was struggling,” Omary said. “From that moment on, she became my support system.”

Dee started checking in on Omary throughout her pregnancy, both inside the clinic and out.

“She would call me and ask am I okay, am I eating, am I healthy,” Omary said. “She helped me with things I didn’t even realize I needed, like getting an air conditioner for my small, hot room.”

Soon, Dee was helping Omary apply for jobs and taking her on driving lessons every weekend. With her help, Omary landed a job, passed her road test on the first attempt, and even enrolled at the University of New Haven to pursue her master’s degree. Dee and Omary became like family. After Omary’s son, Osman, was born, Dee spent five days in the hospital at her side, bringing her halal food and brushing her hair in the same way Omary’s mother used to. When Omary’s postpartum pain became too great for her to lift Osman’s car seat, Dee accompanied her to his doctor’s appointments and carried the baby for her.

“Her support truly changed my life,” Omary said. “Her motivation, compassion, and support gave me hope. It gave me a sense of stability and confidence. I didn’t feel alone, because of her.”

More than that, the experience gave Omary a new resolve to help other people.

“That experience has deeply shaped the way I give back,” she said. “I want to be that source of encouragement and support for others that my friend was for me.”

Extending the welcome

Omary and Dee at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Vision Awards ceremony at the University of New Haven.

Omary is now flourishing. She currently works as a career development specialist as she continues her Master’s degree. She also, as a member of the Refugee Storytellers Collective, helps advocate for refugee and immigrant families by connecting them with resources—and teaches local communities how to best welcome newcomers.

“Welcoming new families today has many challenges,” Omary said. “One major barrier is access to English classes. Many newcomers, especially those who have just arrived, often put their names on long wait lists and for months there are no available spots.” For women with children, the lack of available childcare makes attending English classes, or working outside the home, especially difficult.

Omary stresses that sometimes small, everyday acts of kindness can make the biggest difference to immigrant and refugee families.

“Welcome is not about big gestures, but about small, consistent acts of care that remind you that you belong,” Omary said. Receiving a compliment on her dress or her son from a stranger in the grocery store was incredibly uplifting during her early days as a newcomer, and Omary remembers how even the smallest gestures of kindness gave her hope that she could thrive and build a new life here.

“I built my new life, but I didn’t do it alone,” Omary said. “Community and kindness were my greatest strengths.”

Are you in? Click here to join the Refugee Advocacy Lab and sign the #WeWillWelcome pledge and complete one small act of welcome in your community. Together, with small, meaningful steps, we can build communities where everyone feels safe.

This article is part of Upworthy’s “The Threads Between U.S.” series that highlights what we have in common thanks to the generous support from the Levi Strauss Foundation, whose grantmaking is committed to creating a culture of belonging.

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Joy

Thomas Jefferson coined a hip and funny phrase for abrupt goodbyes that still holds up today

A great phrase for when you've just gotta leave without explanation.

thomas jefferson, goodbye, name is haines, woman waving, us history
via White House/Wikimedia Commons and Canva/Photos

Thomas Jefferson and a woman waving.

"Irish goodbye" is a term for when someone slips out of an event without telling anyone, avoiding the awkwardness of announcing their departure. (Though the Irish didn't necessarily invent the phenomenon.) But what do we call it when someone decides to turn tail and leave a situation immediately, without any explanation at all? These days, there doesn't seem to be a name for a sudden, unexpected exit. Back in the 1800s, however, there was one, courtesy of the third president, Thomas Jefferson.

The phrase: "My name is Haines."

This may sound a bit strange, but it all stems from an unusual interaction Jefferson had while in office with a member of the opposition party. According to Monticello.org, The Weekly Picayune originally published the story in New Orleans on February 17, 1840.

The story behind "My name is Haines"

In 1805, during his second term as president, Jefferson was riding near Monticello, his Virginia residence, when he struck up a conversation with another man on the road. Amusingly, the man had no idea who he was speaking to, and as a rank-and-file member of the Federalist Party, which opposed Jefferson's Democratic-Republican Party, he had plenty of harsh words for the president.

monticello, thomas jefferson, jefferson house, virginia, famous houses Thomas Jefferson's Monticello.via Martin Falbisoner/Wikimedia Commons

The Weekly Picayune wrote:

"Haines took particular pains to abuse Mr. Jefferson; called him all kinds of hard names, ran down every measure of his administration, poked the non-intercourse and embargo acts at him as most outrageous and ruinous, ridiculed his gun-boat system as preposterous and nonsensical, opposed his purchase of Louisiana as a wild scheme — in short, took up every leading feature of the politics of the day, and descanted upon them and their originator with the greatest bitterness."

Jefferson simply listened, neither in the mood to argue nor to reveal his identity. When the two arrived at Jefferson's home, the president invited the man inside for refreshments. At one point, the visitor asked the president for his name. Here is how it was reported in The Weekly Picayune:

"Jefferson," said the President, blandly.

"The [devil]! What, Thomas Jefferson?"

"Yes sir, Thomas Jefferson."

"President Thomas Jefferson?" continued the astonished Federalist.

"The same," rejoined Mr. Jefferson.

"Well, my name is Haines!" and putting spurs to his horse, he was out of hearing instantly.

jefferson memorial, tidal basin, washington d.c., historical monuments, american history The Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C.via Joe Ravi/Wikimedia Commons

Why did Haines ride off so quickly?

There are many reasons Haines may have decided to bail on the president so abruptly. He was likely embarrassed after bad-mouthing the president to his face and may not have wanted to risk any reprisal for his harsh words. And as someone who harbored deep ill will toward the president, he probably had no interest in entertaining his company. Regardless, "My name is Haines" became a popular phrase after appearing in The Weekly Picayune , and it was used whenever someone wanted to leave a situation suddenly and without explanation.

The phrase would be used until around the Civil War, but by the beginning of the 20th century, it, too, had said goodbye. It faded away rather than vanishing in an instant, as Mr. Haines famously did.

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Millennial mother updates tough-love Boomer parenting lines to make her daughter feel loved

"I brought you into this world..."

gentle parenting, mom and daughter, heart to heart, good parenting, happy family
via Canva/Photos

A mother and daughter having a conversation.

The biggest difference between Baby Boomers and Millennials as parents is the older generation preferred a tough-love approach to raising their kids. In contrast, Millennials are more likely to choose gentleness. There are many reasons for this shift—some say it's a way for Millennials to heal their inner child, promote greater emotional intelligence, and break intergenerational trauma cycles.

A recent study by Lurie Children’s Hospital of Chicago found that 74% of Millennial parents prefer gentle parenting, whereas Boomers generally used a mix of authoritarian and authoritative styles. This means that when Millennials became parents, they had to set aside certain methods their parents used. One of the big ones was letting go of Boomer parenting one-liners and comebacks that, these days, can be seen as incredibly negative.

mom and daughter, mom, daughter, offended daughter, daughter won't listen A mom motions to her young daughter.via Canva/Photos

Popular Boomer parenting phrases:

"I’ll give you something to cry about.”

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.”

"As long as you live under my roof, you’ll obey my rules.”

“Because I said so…”

“If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”

“Back in my day, we had to…”

“Stop being so sensitive.”

“Wait until your father gets home.”

“Do as I say, and not as I do.”

“I love you, but I don’t like you right now.”

A great example of how parent-child relationships have evolved across generations is an Instagram post by Mariela De La Mora (@mariela.delamora), a leadership and business coach. In the video, the 44-year-old mom asked her 9-year-old daughter how a parent would finish a series of sentences that Millennials and Gen Xers heard growing up.

"I’ll give you something…" De La Mora asked her daughter, who responded, “to clean your room?"

"I brought you into this world and…” her mother asked, and the daughter responded, “I love you.”

"As long as you live under my roof…" the mother asked, and her daughter responded, “You’re safe."

The daughter’s answers were telling because she didn’t expect a parent to say something snarky and authoritative to their child. Instead, she assumed a parent would say something loving and affirmational. It really shows how gentle parenting has changed the mindsets of the younger generation. De La Mora believes that by stopping the use of these toxic phrases, children carry less burdens than previous generations.

“Sometimes you don't realize how far you've come until you look around and realize who is walking around this earth more ‘unburdened,’ because of you,” she wrote on the post. “Children or not, there is someone who is more unburdened because of how hard you had to work to reparent yourself. Let this be your reminder.”

gentle parenting, mom and daughter, heart to heart, good parenting, happy family A mother and daughter having a close conversation. via Canva/Photos

“Okay, we millennials are obviously not perfect parents, but I feel that as a generation we have collectively decided to attempt and raise our children in the safest, most self-aware and emotionally intelligent homes,” one person wrote in the comments. “I never realized how traumatic and heartbreaking these phrases were. Until hearing them end differently,” another added.

There is much debate over whether authoritative or gentle parenting styles are best for raising children. The simple takeaway is that children raised by authoritative parents tend to be more independent and free-thinking, whereas those raised under gentle parenting tend to have higher emotional intelligence. But what De La Mora’s video proves is that, even though there may be good debates over which parenting styles are better, we can probably all agree that some parenting phrases are best left in the past.

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Woman gets shamed at CVS for 'son's' unusual name. The reality has people rolling.

"You'll really name your son anything, huh?"

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names
@sarahwithscrubs/TikTok, used with permission

Honestly, most of us would have reacted this way.

It started like any ordinary pharmacy errand. A Michigan woman named Sarah was waiting at CVS to pick up a prescription for her “son.” When another woman waiting in line overheard the name of her “son,” she apparently couldn’t help but let out an unsolicited opinion.

“You’ll really name your son anything, huh?” the woman said with a sigh.

The name in question? Whiskey.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names At least it wasn't Bubbles. Photo credit: Canva

Now, if you’re picturing a tiny human in a onesie named after your dad’s favorite Friday-night drink, and feeling a little baffled in the process, don’t worry. So was everyone else.

Except Whiskey isn’t a little boy. He’s a red golden retriever.

Yep. Sarah’s “son” is of the four-legged variety, currently undergoing cancer treatments and racking up a pharmacy bill that could rival a small country’s GDP. She and her husband get his prescriptions filled at their local CVS because (fun fact) many human and animal meds are the same, just at different doses.

baby names, dog names, golden retriever, name shame, cvs, funny, funny tiktok, funny dog videos, names You just know there's a person named Whiskey out there getting a kick out of this. media4.giphy.com

As Sarah explained to Newsweek, this strategy saves them a few bucks, but can certainly lead to some incredible misunderstandings.

In her TikTok video, which has now been watched over 3 million times, Sarah retold this CVS name-shaming incident, and viewers collectively lost it.

@sarahwithscrubs I should’ve thrown in I was picking up his cancer meds too lol 🤭😂 #fyp #foryoupage #storytime #dogs #smallcreator ♬ original sound - sarah renee

One commenter shared, “I was shaming you too until you said dog!” Another wrote, “I mean, Whiskey is a horrible name for a child 😂 But for a dog? Okay lol.”

However, a few folks came to Sarah’s defense. One person noted, “There are women named Brandi—what’s wrong with Whiskey?” Another admitted, “in my 49 years I didn't know CVS filled pet meds!"

It’s the kind of mix-up that reminds us how funny life can be when the human and animal worlds collide. Because let’s face it: Whiskey the dog? Adorable. Whiskey the toddler? Maybe… less so. It might be a mostly unspoken rule, but a rule nonetheless.

As for what became of that misunderstanding, Sarah shared that when the other woman called Whiskey a "horrible" name for a child to grow up with that could lead to getting bullied in school, Sarah quipped back with "Well, he's a dog. So I don't think so." Upon that realization, Sarah told Newsweek that she “apologized very nicely” once she learned that Whiskey was, in fact, a dog.

As Sarah put it, the stranger “just left in a hurry, probably to think about her actions later.”

Meanwhile, TikTok is still chuckling, and celebrating one very good boy with a name that fits him perfectly.

Moral of the story: some names are meant for baby humans, like Zach or Emma. Others are for the fur babies who greet you at the door with a wagging tail and oodles of love…like Whiskey. 🐾🥃

This article originally appeared last year

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'Spiritual shift': ICU nurse shares the one phrase that means someone will pass very soon

"You guys, people know when they're gonna die."

hospice, icu dying, passing away, final moments, afterlife
via Canva/Photos

A man who is ready to pass away.

When people in the healthcare world experience death on a regular basis, they begin to see patterns in the timing of when patients pass away. Hospice workers say that when people are in their final days, they begin to see their departed loved ones surrounding their hospital bed. They will also share many of the same regrets and have frequent hallucinations.

Kirstie Robb, a TikToker who has worked as an ICU nurse for the past four years, has noticed a trend in people who are about to pass away. She says that when she hears a specific phrase from those who are brought in, regardless of the reason, they will be gone very soon: "Every single person who passes away says the same thing," she explained in her TikTok. "They say…'Can you please tell my family I love them? I don't feel good. I know I'm gonna die.'"

Somehow, people know when they are ready to die

@kirstierobbb

those who are meant to see this will see it.

Death is such a mysterious process that Robb can’t believe that so many people she’s seen know when the moment is upon them. We’re never trained to sense our death. Why is it that these people have such a clear understanding it's upon them? Robb says it is due to an internal, spiritual shift that defies medical understanding. "You guys, people know when they're gonna die," she says.

“There's a shift that happens that's spiritual, that nobody can explain, right? Their vitals may be stable. Their condition may be the exact same way it was when they came in. There's nothing inherently dangerous,” she continued. “Yet in every single circumstance, no matter what brought them in initially, no matter how many hours it is from the last time that they said that, they always die. Always.”


hands, holding hands, hospice, hospital bed, death, final days, Holding a hospice patient's hand. via via Canva/Photos


Lessons from being among the dying

Robb’s experience with the dying led her to remind everyone how important our lives are and to focus on what truly matters, rather than chasing material possessions. “Life is not meant to be an endless pursuit of things. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Life is meant to be appreciated. Life is meant to be explored. Why are you actually here?” Robb asks.

There is no research-based reason for this shift that occurs in people when they know they are going to pass, but David Casarett, M.D. explained his experience with it in Psychology Today.

afterlife, going to the light, bright light, death, final days, hallucination, heaven A man walking towards the light.via via Canva/Photos

“What they tell me is that they feel—something. Something different, or changing, or new. One young man dying of a sarcoma told me he felt free. Another middle-aged woman dying of liver cancer said she felt like she was falling out of a plane. Both had been correct to sense something amiss, and both died within the hour,” Dr. Casarett wrote. “I don't know how we could possibly foresee our own deaths. I'm not saying it's impossible; it's just beyond my power to explain.”

While there is a lot of mystery surrounding death, Robb and Dr. Casarett’s experience with it shows that those who are ready to pass away seem to be at peace and accepting of their final journey home, wherever that may be. It should give all of us a feeling of relief that our final hours may be the most peaceful we ever experienced.

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Acclaimed leadership expert shares a simple hack that turns self-doubt into a huge asset

The "spotlight effect" stops people in their tracks, but it doesn't have to.

spotlight effect, imposter syndrome, shade zahrai, behaviorial therapy, mind hack
Photo credit: Canva

A woman sits at a desk, overwhelmed and frustrated.

Quite often, people receive a promotion, praise, or a new assignment at work and feel imposter syndrome when the stakes suddenly rise. They may feel like frauds or flukes, even though their past accomplishments are exactly what got them there. There is a feeling of being seen, paired with a fear of being "found out." If this sounds familiar, a leadership and behavioral expert has a tip to "take the spotlight off yourself and turn it into a flashlight."

Dr. Shadé Zahrai went on TikTok to advise people experiencing imposter syndrome through what's known as the "spotlight effect." To put it briefly, the spotlight effect is a mental bias that causes people to vastly overestimate how much others notice, judge, or remember them. It can make someone feel as if they are under a spotlight, anxious that others are watching closely and ready to call them out.

The truth, according to Zahrai and other experts, is that most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice, remember, or care enough to audit someone else. While that realization can be a relief, it still may not be enough on its own to offset imposter syndrome.

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Zahrai said people can flip the thought and energy of the spotlight away from their identity and aim it like a flashlight at the problem itself to find a solution. The internal narrative of "I don't know what I'm doing and I'm going to be exposed" becomes "This is the issue I'm concerned about. What do I need to do or learn to address it?" It takes "I'm a fraud" and flips it into "Why do I feel like a fraud?"

"Confidence doesn't require you to know everything in advance,” said Zahrai. "It just requires you to trust yourself enough to stay in the room, ask the question, and figure things out as you go."

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Have you ever heard of the spotlight effect?

Behavioral specialists weigh in

Other behavioral experts and therapists who spoke to Upworthy shared what they would recommend to someone experiencing the spotlight effect.

"So much of anxiety is perception of how others perceive you and what they're thinking about you," said licensed therapist Cristina Billingsley. "Being that [the spotlight effect] is a common occurrence for people, I remind clients there's comfort in knowing you're not alone. Reminding ourselves that this theory has been tested and research shows that people overestimate how much people are actually thinking about or noticing them. Next time you're spiraling about this, ask yourself 'Yeah....and?' Does it matter in the long run...today, tomorrow, next week? Does this person's opinion truly matter to me? Would I judge someone or be this critical about them?"

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Some experts agreed that the spotlight effect pivot Zahrai recommended could be used to one's personal advantage.

"Reframe the spotlight effect as a flashlight moment, turning the fear of failure and making mistakes into an opportunity to showcase your zone of genius so that others can learn from you," said Dr. Angela Chen, a clinical psychologist. "Take repeated action, as it will allow your brain to rewire the spotlight effect through exposure and extinction learning. Consistent and repeated exposure through taking steps toward what matters to you and what kind of person you strive to be allows your brain to create and strengthen new, non-threatening neural pathways."

Other experts did not think Zahrai's flashlight pivot was an effective way to eliminate the spotlight effect altogether.

"The approach of turning a spotlight into a flashlight treats the issue as attention-based instead of deep-rooted," said licensed psychotherapist Doriel Jacov. "This might work in the short-term but it doesn't address the cause of the anxiety. Many with imposter syndrome have internalized a harsh inner critic. If you simply redirect your attention, it doesn't get rid of that internalization. It might offer some temporary relief, but the inner critic will find its way back to you."

Jacov added, "Second, since the spotlight effect is fueled by negative self-perception, when you turn it into a flashlight, you might turn that negative perception outward. This leaves you judgmental and highly critical of others, which can have negative relational impacts. You may find yourself consciously or unconsciously devaluing others."

Jacov did agree with Chen that frequent exposure can help people navigate their emotions and offset the impact of the spotlight effect.

"The biggest advice I have is to put yourself in situations that elicit the spotlight," concluded Jacov. "The more you expose yourself to those feelings and that type of environment, the more you'll be able to learn that you're emotionally safe. You'll learn that no one thinks of you in the way you think of yourself."

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