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Parents separated from their kids in 2018 finally reunited on judge’s orders. It's 18 months too late.

Parents separated from their kids in 2018 finally reunited on judge’s orders. It's 18 months too late.
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David Xol hadn't been able to hug his son Byron in a year and a half. When they were finally reunited last week in Los Angeles, on orders from a federal judge, Xol dropped to his knees and tearfully held his son for three minutes straight. Byron, now 9 years old, beamed.

The father and son had arrived together on U.S. soil in 2018 and Xol. Charged with illegal entry, Xol signed a document that border agents told him would allow him and Byron to be deported together. But then they took Byron away anyway and deported Xol to Guatemala alone.

Byron, age 7 at the time, was held in government facilities for 11 months, until the family's lawyer convinced a federal court to force the U.S. to let Byron go live with a foster family in Texas. Holly and Matthew Sewell took him in last May.

According to the Los Angeles Times, more than 4,000 children have been taken from their parents as part of the "zero tolerance" policy implemented by the Trump administration in the spring of 2018. From teens to infants, children who have already been through hardship were subjected to further trauma at the hands of the U.S. government. And make no mistake, being separated from parents in a foreign land with no idea where they've gone or when you'll see them again is, by definition, trauma.

RELATED: The trauma will be long-lasting for kids separated at the border. Here's what you need to know.

Research has proven this over and over, but every parent knows it on a gut level. I still remember the terror on my son's face the time he thought he'd lost us in public once, and that was only for a few minutes. Children can endure all kinds of challenges when they are secure in their parents' care. Taking away that security without necessity isn't just wrong—it's unforgivably cruel.

"People want to make this a heartwarming story, but it's not. It's devastating," Holly Sewell, Byron's foster mother, told the LA Times. "There is just no good reason why we had to do this to this child and this family. And he symbolizes thousands of others who have been put in this exact same position."

Xol was one of nine parents who arrived in Los Angeles to be reunited with their children last week after a federal judge found that the U.S. government had illegally prevented them from seeking asylum. Let's repeat that for those who are inevitably going to show up in the comments of this article saying, "They should go through the process legally!" The U.S. government broke the law here.

According to the law, one has to be on U.S. soil or at a port of entry in order to request asylum; it can't be done from an embassy or consulate in another country. And one's immigration status, by law, has no bearing on whether or not they can request asylum. Here's the actual wording from the U.S. Customs and Immigration Services website:

"To obtain asylum through the affirmative asylum process you must be physically present in the United States. You may apply for asylum status regardless of how you arrived in the United States or your current immigration status."

In addition, at the time these parents arrived, no other country they may have passed through on their way to the U.S. had "safe third country" status, meaning asylum-seekers didn't have to request asylum in those countries. For many asylum-seekers, the U.S. is the only safe option, and for those with family already in the U.S., the option that makes the most logistical sense as well. Legally, these parents were allowed to request asylum and had the right to go through that process.

Even if you have an issue with someone entering the country illegally and then legally requesting asylum, taking their children away from them is a punishment that does not fit the crime (which is technically a misdemeanor on first offense). Family separation is cruel and unusual, both to the parents and to the children. And when you add on the reported depraved conditions of detention facilities and the fact that children have died in them on our watch, it's even worse.

However, one bright spot in this whole scenario is the humanity it has uncovered, as thousands have rallied behind these families to provide them legal protection and representation. The fact that ordinary Americans have to pool our own resources to protect vulnerable people from our own government is enough to make your head spin, but that's where we are.

RELATED: This group raised $1 million in just 9 hours to help kids at the border. Here's how.

Together Rising is one organization who has made an ongoing push to keep families together.

"Although it is a travesty that the administration of this country tore these families apart, Together Rising is committed to representing the heartbroken, angry women of this nation who are standing up to bring these families back together," says Glennon Doyle, founder and president of Together Rising, a grassroots fundraising organization. "Together, we have raised more than $8.5 Million — including $80,000 in 90 minutes this week — to equip boots on the ground warriors, like the heroes at Al Otro Lado, who are finding and reunifying these families, and supporting, and advocating for detained children."

The combined efforts of various non-profit, advocacy, and legal aid organizations to defend the rights of these parents and children are making a difference one family at a time, and bravo to all of them. But how frustrating is it that the U.S. government isn't solving the problems it caused itself? How is it possible that they didn't keep meticulous records of what parents and children were separated, or where they were sent after these separations? Why are we having to raise money and voices and red flags and scramble together lawyers in order to reunite the families our government unjustly tore apart?

There are simply some lines we all have to agree not to cross, no matter what. Cruelty to innocent children is one of those lines. Our country has committed this injustice on our watch, and if we don't speak out and do something to remedy it, then who and what are we?

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Another school district just shifted to a 4-day week and parents are making themselves heard

America already has fewer school days than most other countries.

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Many school districts are moving to a 4-day week, but there are pros and cons to the approach.

American kids have fewer school days than most other major countries as it is, which poses a big challenge for families with two working parents. In a system designed for the "classic" stay-at-home mom model, it's difficult for many modern families to cover childcare and fulfill their work obligations during the many, many holidays and extra days off American children receive in school.

Some school districts, in fact, are ready to take things one step further with even fewer instructional days: for better or for worse.

Whitney Independent School District in Texas recently made news when it decided to enact a four-day week heading into the 2025 school year. That makes it one of dozens of school districts in Texas to make the change and over 900 nationally.

The thought of having the kids home from school EVERY Friday or Monday makes many parents break out in stress hives, but this four-day school week movement isn't designed to give parents a headache. It's meant to lure teachers back to work.

Yes, teachers are leaving the profession in droves and young graduates don't seem eager to replace them. Why? For starters, the pay is bad—but that's just the beginning. Teachers are burnt out, undermined and criticized relentlessly, held hostage by standardized testing, and more. It can be a grueling, demoralizing, and thankless job. The love and passion they have for shaping the youth of tomorrow can only take you so far when you feel like you're constantly getting the short end of the stick.

School districts want to pay their teachers more, in theory, but their hands are often tied. So, they're getting creative to recruit the next generation of teachers into their schools—starting with an extra day off for planning, catch-up, or family time every week.

Teachers in four-day districts often love the new schedule. Kids love it (obviously). It's the parents who, as a whole, aren't super thrilled.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

So far, the data shows that the truncated schedule perk is working. In these districts, job applications for teachers are up, retirements are down, and teachers are reporting better mental well-being. That's great news!

But these positive developments may be coming at the price of the working parents in the communities. Most early adopters of the four-day week have been rural communities with a high prevalence of stay-at-home parents. As the idea starts to take hold in other parts of the country, it's getting more pushback. Discussions on Reddit, Facebook, and other social media platforms are overrun with debate on how this is all going to shake up. Some parents, to be fair, like the idea! If they stay-at-home or have a lot of flexibility, they see it as an opportunity for more family time. But many are feeling anxious. Here's what's got those parents worried:

The effect on students' achievement is still unclear.

The execution of the four-day week varies from district to district. Some schools extend the length of each of the four days, making the total instructional time the same. That makes for a really long day, and some teachers say the students are tired and more unruly by the late afternoon. Some districts are just going with less instruction time overall, which has parents concerned that their kids might fall behind.

A study of schools in Iowa that had reduced instructional days found that five-days-a-week students performed better, on average.

Four-day school weeks put parents in a childcare bind.

Having two working parents is becoming more common and necessary with the high cost of living. Of course—"school isn't daycare!" But it is the safe, reliable, and educational place we send our kids while we we work.

Families with money and resources may be able to enroll their kids in more academics, extracurriculars, sports, or childcare, but a lot of normal families won't be able to afford that cost. Some schools running a four-day week offer a paid childcare option for the day off, but that's an added expense and for families with multiple kids in the school system, it's just not possible.

kids, school, school days, school week, schedule, 4 day week In a 4-day model, kids often (but not always) receive less instructional time. Photo by Ivan Aleksic on Unsplash

This will inevitably end with some kids getting way more screentime.

With most parents still working five-day weeks, and the cost of extra activities or childcare too high, a lot of kids are going to end up sitting around on the couch with their iPad on those days off. Adding another several hours of it to a child's week seems less than ideal according to expert recommendations.

Of course there are other options other than paid childcare and iPads. There are play dates, there's getting help from family and friends. All of these options are an enormous amount of work to arrange for parents who are already at capacity.

Working four days is definitely a win for teachers that makes the job more appealing. But it doesn't address the systemic issues that are driving them to quit, retire early, or give up their dreams of teaching all together.

@5th_with_ms.y

Replying to @emory here are my thoughts on my 4day work week as a teacher✨ #foryou #fyp #fypシ #foryoupage #foryoupageofficiall #teachersoftiktokfyp #teachersoftiktok #teachertok #teachersbelike #teachertiktok #tik #tiktok #viralllllll #teachertoks #teaching #teacher #tok #viralvideo #teacherlife #viral #trendy #teacher #teaching #worklifebalance #worklife #publicschool #publiceducation #school #student

A Commissioner of Education from Missouri calls truncated schedules a "band-aid solution with diminishing returns." Having an extra planning day won't stop teachers from getting scapegoated by politicians or held to impossible curriculum standards, it won't keep them from having to buy their own supplies or deal with ever-worsening student behavior.

Some teachers and other experts have suggested having a modified five-day school week, where one of the days gets set aside as a teacher planning day while students are still on-site participating in clubs, music, art—you know, all the stuff that's been getting cut in recent years. Something like that could work in some places.

In any case, the debate over a shortened school week is not going away any time soon. More districts across the country are doing their research in preparation for potentially making the switch.

Many parents don't theoretically mind the idea of their busy kids having an extra day off to unwind, pursue hobbies, see friends, catch up on projects, or spend time as a family. They're also usually in favor of anything that takes pressure off of overworked teachers. But until we adopt a four-day work week as the standard, the four-day school week is always going to feel a little out of place.

This article originally appeared in February. It has been updated.

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Mom realizes she's been using the 'heavy' setting on her washer wrong for years—and fellow moms are shook

"Today years old when I realize why my blankets are sopping wet."

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Image courtesy of @granolabarpan/Instagram (with permission)

Stay-at-home mom Catrina shares shock at learning what the 'heavy' setting on her washer means.

Knocking out loads of laundry is a feeling of accomplishment that is unmatched. Depending on what needs to be washed, washing machines offer a variety of settings for the ideal clean. But even the most seasoned laundry pros can admit that they don't fully understand how to use them properly.

One stay-at-home mom shared her funny and relatable washing machine mistake. Catrina (@granolabarpan) got the shock of a lifetime when she realized that she had been using the "heavy" setting on her washer wrong for years.

"POV: today years old when it clicks why my blankets are sopping wet!!! I thought HEAVY meant heavy items being washed," she wrote in the video's overlay.

"Heavy on my machine means heavily soiled," she went on to add in the comments. "I thought it meant the stuff I was putting in the machine was heavy in weight/pounds."

Some moms are also realizing this for the first time. "Ok.. so I am 66 years old learning this???!! I always thought that heavy meant weight also😂," one person commented. Another person wrote, "Well I was today years old when I learned what heavy meant too…😂"

Others expressed confusion with so many settings, and reminiscing on simpler times. "Wait a minute. 😂. I think I need to for once go and read the manual because I have been wondering about all of the options," another user wrote. And another chimed in, "I want my old $250 3 options hot/warm/cold on/off washer back. It didn’t die it rusted out but took 25yrs to do it. I had 5 kids, plus my ex in-laws living with me."

Washing machine settings, explained

Struggling to understand the settings on your washing machine? You're not alone.

"Knowing these settings helps avoid common laundry mistakes, such as using the heavy cycle for heavy fabric weight instead of heavy soil, which can lead to ineffective cleaning or damage over time," Vanessa Ruiz, a professional organizer at Sparkly Maid San Antonio, tells Upworthy.

These are five washing machine settings and how they work:

1. Normal/Regular Cycle
Ruiz explains that this is your typical setting for day-to-day loads such as t-shirts, jeans, sheets, and underwear.

"These laundry loads are typically washed in warm water and the setting is rinsed with medium spin speeds through agitation in order to properly clean moderately soiled garments," she says. "This cycle is safe enough to wash a variety of different fabric content with a somewhat dirty load."

2. Delicate/Gentle Cycle
Ruiz notes that the delicate cycle is created specifically for delicate fabrics—lingerie, silk, lace, or embellished clothing—that may become damaged in a normal or regular wash.

"This cycle will use moderate spin speeds through gentle agitation to thoroughly dry clean and not damage clothes too easily," says Ruiz. "This is the preferred cycle when laundry items that require extra care or are labeled 'delicate' or 'hand wash' need to be washed."

3. Heavy Duty Cycle
The heavy duty cycle is specifically for heavily soiled items like work clothes, kitchen towels, and bedding.

"This setting uses higher water temperatures, longer wash times, and powerful agitation to remove stubborn dirt and grime. It’s perfect for those tough laundry jobs, but not recommended for delicate fabrics," explains Ruiz.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

4. Bulky/Bedding Cycle
This cycle is often confused with "heavy."

"This cycle accommodates larger, heavier items that absorb a lot of water, such as comforters, pillows, and sleeping bags," says Ruiz. "It uses more water, medium spin speeds, and longer wash times to thoroughly clean bulky items without causing damage or imbalance."

5. Quick Wash
In a rush? This is the perfect setting to use.

"It is an accelerated wash cycle designed for small loads of lightly soiled clothes, usually lasting 15 to 40 minutes," says Ruiz. "It’s great for when you need clean clothes fast and can save energy compared to longer cycles."

This article originally appeared last year.

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Communication expert shares 2-step method for talking to people who never admit they're wrong

Here's how to talk through the brick wall.

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via Canva/Photos

A woman can't stand what she's hearing.

Some folks in this world just have to be right. All the time. Even when you present them with every fact imaginable that proves they are wrong, they will resort to any rhetorical tactic they can to make it seem as though they are right. If that doesn't work, they turn to personal attacks.

People like this can be infuriating to deal with because talking to them is like screaming at a wall. Fortunately, communication expert Jefferson Fisher recently shared a two-step method on TikTok for dealing with these impossible people.

Fisher, who has become massively popular online, offers tips "to help people argue less and talk more."

@art_for_feeling

How to handle someone who is always right. 3 steps from @ Jefferson Fisher #power #insporation

Here is Fisher's two-step process for dealing with people who will never admit they are wrong:

Step 1. Diffuse the situation

"Know that the harder we work to prove that they're wrong, the more convinced they are that they're right," he says. "So what you're gonna do is diffuse that by just saying something simple as well, 'maybe you're right,' or 'maybe so.' That diffuses the whole situation."

Step 2. Open the conversation up

Fisher says you can encourage the other person to explore your ideas by saying: "'It's helpful for me to know that you're at least considering my thoughts, even if you don't agree with me.' Now you've made a safe space to have a discussion that's not threatening their identity. That's how you talk to somebody who thinks they're always right. So try that."

coffee, women having coffee, serious talk, women on couch, agreement Two woman having a heart-to-heart conversation. via Canva/Photos

Why identity matters

In his video, Fisher notes that people who won't admit when they are wrong have developed an identity based on always being correct. That's why, when they're confronted with the possibility that they may be incorrect, they will do anything to avoid admitting it.

Research shows that when people feel their identity is being attacked, they perceive it as an affront to their authenticity and value as human beings. This can lead to a physical reaction known as the amygdala hijack, where people feel as if they are being physically threatened. That's a big reason some people get enraged when discussing politics or religion. If their views on these issues are closely tied to their identity and those views are challenged, it can invalidate their entire sense of self.

angry, arms folded, angy man, won't listen, sneer A man who has dug in his heels. via Canva/Photos

The 'backfire effect'

Fisher explains that the harder we try to prove someone wrong, the more convinced they become they're right, due to a psychological phenomenon known as the "backfire effect." When people are shown facts that clearly contradict their views, they often cling to those beliefs even more strongly. That's because those beliefs are tied to emotion, not facts. When their views are challenged, it triggers defensiveness, and the brain works to protect their self-image rather than reconsider the belief.

Getting through to stubborn people who always think they're right isn't easy, but Fisher's advice can help break through the wall they erect when their beliefs are challenged. It's good for you and the other person. When you're never wrong, you never learn from your mistakes, and that can quickly lead to problems far worse than admitting you were wrong.

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Researchers found that scrolling while pooping dramatically raises your chance of getting hemorrhoids

A good reason to be mindful of your time on the toilet.

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A man looking at his phone on the toilet.

Have you ever been scrolling through social media on your phone and then suddenly wondered where all the time went? You glance at the clock and wonder, “OMG, did I really just spend 30 minutes mindlessly scrolling on this app?” Well, after a new report published in PLOS ONE, you’ll think twice about getting lost doomscrolling while sitting on the toilet.

A team of researchers at Boston Medical Center found that people who scroll on their phones while pooping have a much higher chance of getting hemorrhoids. Hemorrhoids are swollen veins, akin to varicose veins, that are either internal or external. They can be painful, itchy, and sometimes bleed.

Looking at your smartphone on the toilet could cause hemorrhoids

“Smartphone use on the toilet was associated with a 46% increased risk of hemorrhoids,” the paper found after adjusting for sex, age, fiber intake, and exercise activity. To come to this grim conclusion, the researchers interviewed 125 patients at the medical center and asked them about their toilet habits, including whether they scrolled through their phone or not.

phone, toilet, hemorrhoids, smartphone, tiktok, social media, toilet health A woman looking at her phone on the toilet.via Canva/Photos

What the researchers found was that those who bring their phone into the bathroom spend more time on the toilet; therefore, increasing the likelihood of developing hemorrhoids. “Of all respondents, 83 (66%) used smartphones while on the toilet,” the study found. “Furthermore, smartphone users spent considerably more time on the toilet compared to non-smartphone users, with many spending more than five minutes on the toilet per visit.”

Of those who looked at the phone on the toilet, 37.3% said that they sat on the throne for six to fifteen minutes. Non-phone users sat longer than six minutes only 7.1% of the time. "The likely explanation is that prolonged sitting increases pressure in the veins around the rectum, which can contribute to hemorrhoids," Dr. Ernesto Gonzaga, a gastroenterologist from the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, told ABC News.

“When you’re sitting on an open toilet bowl, you have no pelvic floor support,” Dr. Trisha Pasricha, the study’s senior author and a gastroenterologist at Massachusetts General Hospital, told CNN. The study said that 54% of people who use the phone while pooping are reading the news, and 44% said they were scrolling through social media.

phone, toilet, hemorrhoids, smartphone, tiktok, social media, toilet health A man looking at his phone on the toilet.via Canva/Photos

The study was conducted on people 45 and over

The study was conducted on people aged 45 and older, a beneficial group to examine because some individuals in this age group don’t bring their phones to the bathroom. The study would have been much harder to conduct on younger people.

“It was helpful to have this (45 and older) group because there were people who didn’t use their smartphones on the toilet. So we had a comparison group,” Dr. Trisha Pasricha, the study’s senior author, told CNN. “Having a third of people not bringing their smartphones to the bathroom helped us understand what a baseline could look like, especially as I imagine the situation is more profound for younger individuals.”

If you’re afraid of developing hemorrhoids, the first step is to make sure that, if you take your phone with you to the bathroom, you stop scrolling when you’re done evacuating your bowels. You can also eat more high fiber foods, such as fruits and vegetables, and be sure to exhale while pushing and not strain. It’s also important to keep a healthy weight and to avoid sitting for too long, whether on a toilet or in your car. Hemorrhoids are a pain in the butt, and they’re not worth it, no matter how great the latest tea is on TikTok.

This article originally appeared last year

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Neuroscientist Andrew Huberman shares 'really weird' trick to fall asleep in five minutes

There's an easy way to trick your brain into calming down.

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via Jamesbrianbounds/Wikimedia Commons and Canva/Photos

Andrew Huberman and a woman sleeping.

There is nothing worse than lying in your bed, with your mind racing, and you can’t fall asleep. The longer you lie in bed, the more anxious you get about falling asleep, which makes it even harder to catch some ZZZs. You've tried clearing your mind, but can’t. You’ve tried counting sheep but reached 100. What do you do now?

On a recent Real Time with Bill Maher, neuroscientist Andrew Huberman made an off-the-cuff remark about a sleep hack that he swears by, and it's based on brain research. Huberman is a Stanford University neuroscientist and tenured professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology. He's also the host of the popular podcast Huberman Lab, which focuses on health and science.

How to fall asleep fast

“In fact, if you wake up in the middle of the night and you're having trouble falling back asleep, try just doing some long, extended exhales. And get this, this sounds really weird, but it has a basis in physiology. Keep your eyes closed and just move your eyes from side to side behind your eyelids like this, back and forth,” Huberman told Maher as he moved his eyes from side to side as if he was surveying a vast landscape. “Do some long exhales. I can't promise, but I'm willing to wager like maybe one pinky, that within five minutes or so, you'll be back to sleep.”

- YouTube youtu.be

Andrew Huberman’s hack is based on neuroscience

Huberman explained the exercise in greater detail on Mark Bell's Power Project podcast. In his appearance, he discussed the interesting connection between our eyes and their connection to the amygdala, an almond-shaped part of the brain that controls our emotional response. “Eye movements of that sort actually do suppress the amygdala [to] make people feel calmer, less fearful,” Huberman said. He adds that when we are on a walk, we move our eyes from side to side, to analyze the terrain ahead of us, and the amygdala calms down.

- YouTube www.youtube.com

“But for most people who are sighted, moving your eyes from side to side for 10 to 30 seconds is going to calm you down," Huberman said. "And this makes really good sense because, from an evolutionary perspective, an adaptive perspective, we've always been confronted with interpersonal threats and animal to human threats. Forward movement is the way that you suppress the fear response."

Americans aren’t getting enough sleep

Huberman’s video is important because many Americans need to get more sleep. A 2022 Gallup poll found that only 32% of Americans said they got “excellent” or “very good” sleep; 35% described their sleep as “good”; and 33% said their sleep was “fair” or “poor.”

Sleep is essential to maintaining good health. Getting at least seven hours of sleep a night is great for your memory, focus, emotional regulation, appetite, muscle recovery, and tissue repair. It also reduces the risk of chronic conditions like heart disease and diabetes. It’s great that Huberman shares his hack, which few people would have come up with without a background in neuroscience, to improve their sleep. It’s also another exciting way to show just how interconnected the body is, from eyes to brain and beyond. Sweet dreams.

This article originally appeared last year.

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