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People are mortified to find out how many moms daydream about being hospitalized

Yes, it's a real thing.

woman lying in a hospital bed looking out the window
Canva, @emilykmay/X

Lying in bed and looking out the window with no one asking for anything? Yes, please.

It's hard to explain the relentless intensity of having young children if you haven't done it. It's wonderful, beautiful, magical and all of that—it truly is—but it's a lot. Like, a lot. It's a bit like running an ultramarathon through the most beautiful landscape you can imagine. There's no question that it's amazing, but it's really, really hard. And sometimes there are storms or big hills or obstacles or twisted ankles or some other thing that makes it even more challenging for a while.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms feel like they're running that marathon alone. Some actually are. Some have partners who don't pull their weight. But even with an equal partner, the early years tend to be mom-heavy, and it takes a toll.

In fact, that toll is so great that it's not unusual for moms to fantasize about being hospitalized—not with anything serious, just something that requires a short stay—simply to get a genuine break.

In a thread on X (formerly Twitter), a mom named Emily shared this truth: "[I don't know] if the lack of community care in our culture is more evident than when moms casually say they daydream about being hospitalized for something only moderately serious so that they are forced to not have any responsibilities for like 3 days."

In a follow-up tweet, she added, "And other moms are like 'yeah totally' while childfree Gen Z girls’ mouths hang open in horror."

Other moms corroborated, not only with the fantasy but the reality of getting a hospital break:

"And can confirm: I have the fondest memories of my appendicitis that almost burst 3 weeks after my third was born bc I emergency had to go get it taken out and I mean I let my neighbor take my toddlers and I let my husband give the baby formula, and I slept until I was actually rested. Under the knife, but still. It was really nice," wrote one mom.

"I got mastitis when my first was 4 months old. I had to have surgery, but my hospital room had a nice view, my mom came to see me, the baby was with me but other people mostly took care of her, bliss," shared another.

Some people tried to blame lackadaisical husbands and fathers for moms feeling overwhelmed, but as Emily pointed out, it's not always enough to have a supportive spouse. That's why she pointed to "lack of community care" in her original post.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to raise a mother. Without the proverbial village, we end up bearing too much of the weight of childrearing ourselves. We're not just running the ultramarathon—we're also carrying the water, bandaging the blisters, moving fallen trees out of the way, washing the sweat out of our clothes—and we're doing it all without any rest.

Why don't moms just take a vacation instead of daydreaming about hospitalization? It's not that simple. Many people don't have the means for a getaway, but even if they do, there's a certain level of "mom guilt" that comes with purposefully leaving your young children. Vacations usually require planning and decision-making as well, and decision fatigue is one of the most exhausting parts of parenting.

Strange as it may seem, the reason hospitalization is attractive is that it's forced—if you're in the hospital, you have to be there, so there's no guilt about choosing to leave. It involves no decision-making—someone else is calling the all shots. You literally have no responsibilities in the hospital except resting—no one needs anything from you. And unlike when you're on vacation, most people who are caring for your kids when you're in the hospital aren't going to constantly contact you to ask you questions. They'll leave you to let you rest.

Paula Fitzgibbons shares that had three kids under the age of 3 in 11 months (two by adoption and one by birth). Her husband, despite being very involved and supportive, had a 1.5 hour commute for work, so the lion's share of childcare—"delightful utter chaos" as she refers to it—fell on her shoulders. At one point, she ended up in the ER with atrial fibrillation, and due to family medical history was kept in the hospital for a few days for tests and monitoring.

"When people came to visit me or called to see how I was, I responded that I was enjoying my time at 'the spa,' and though I missed my family, I was soaking it all in," she tells Upworthy. "My husband understood. Other mothers understood. The medical staff did not know what to make of my cheerful demeanor, but there I was, lying in bed reading and sleeping for four straight days with zero guilt. What a gift for a new mom."

When you have young children, your concept of what's relaxing shifts. I recall almost falling asleep during one of my first dental cleanings after having kids. That chair was so comfy and no one needed anything from me—I didn't even care what they were doing to my teeth. It felt like heaven to lie down and rest without any demands being made of me other than "Open a little wider, please."

Obviously, being hospitalized isn't ideal for a whole host of reasons, but the desire is real. There aren't a lot of simple solutions to the issue of moms needing a real break—not just an hour or two, but a few days—but maybe if society were structured in such a way that we had smaller, more frequent respites and spread the work of parenting across the community, we wouldn't feel as much of a desire to be hospitalized simply to be able to be able to rejuvenate.


This article originally appeared on 9.7.23

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Mom took heat for cleaning her teen's bedroom. Her response was a lesson in grace.

She won the #CleanTok controversy.

@organizedchaos4/TikTok

"It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness."

The corner of the internet devoted to grime and muck being scrubbed away to oh-so satisfying perfection, otherwise known as #CleanTok, is mostly wholesome, cathartic fun. But every once in a while, controversy comes in.

For a mom named Audrey (who clearly has a passion for cleaning hacks, given her TikTok handle of @organizedchaos4), that moment came after she filmed herself doing a deep clean on her 12-year-old daughter’s room. Several people chimed in to accuse her of spoiling her kid, essentially.

Granted, Audrey admitted that she had posted the video “hoping that the trolls would get those thumbs a-movin’.” So when they did indeed come after her, she was ready.

“I surprised my daughter by cleaning her room for her. She's been getting herself up for 6 a.m. practices, she gets herself to school, she's out of the house before the rest of us have even woken up,” Audrey says in the clip.

“Keep in mind she's 12. In return for all that she's been doing, I thought it would be a nice treat if I just did a quick speed clean of her room. It was no big deal.”

Audrey goes on to say that the point of her follow-up video was to reiterate the importance of “extending grace.”


@organizedchaos4 When we throw empathy out the window, we throw grace out the window. If you saw the video and your first reaction was to say, “why isn’t she doing it herself?” Ask yourself, “have I EVER left a room messy because I was overwhelmed, tired, busy?” If so, then you are in no position to judge a child for the same thing. #grace #kindness #help #parenting #cleaning #kids #mom ♬ original sound - Organized Chaos | Audrey


That's what I did for my daughter. She had fallen behind on her room and I helped her.,” she says. “It costs you nothing, and it creates this ripple effect of kindness. We all have setbacks, we all have failures, we all make mistakes and if you say you don't you're lying. By extending grace we are spreading kindness, we are spreading compassion. If you can't extend grace to your own children then there's no way you're going to extend it to anyone else in the world and that's a scary world to live in.”

Audrey then argues that being kind to others often makes it “easier” to be kind to ourselves, which is “vital for our mental health.”

She then concludes, “so if you watched the video yesterday or you're watching this one today and you're thinking negative thoughts, ask yourself, ‘Am I quick to judge, be resentful, be negative or am I quick to extend grace or ask yourself have I ever stumbled and wish grace had been extended to me?’”

Down in the comments, we see that Audreynis certainly not alone in her thinking.

“Kindness costs nothing and provides everything,” one person wrote.

“This will only inspire your daughter to keep working hard and give back when she has a chance to, and know she can rely on you when she struggles,” added another.

Several other moms even chimed in about doing something similar for their kids.

“Exactly I did the same thing for my 23-year-old daughter who works full-time and is a full-time college student. She’s 100% independent. I just want to take some off stress off her plate,” one mom shared

Another said, “I do this for my daughter still, and it's her house.”

As with all things in parenting, balance is key. Of course we don’t want to instill laziness, but at the same time, kids can’t be expected to overachieve in all areas, at all times. Adults can’t even manage this without a little help. Sounds like this is truly a case of a good kid acting as responsibly as humanly possible, and a mom just wanting to help out where she can, all why'll teaching her the world can be a safe place. Hard to see anything wrong with that.

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Entire neighborhood bids fond farewell to their mailman after 31 years of service

The beauty of community captured in a single video.

@blissfullbuda_/TikTok

Need something heartwarming? We got you.

With constant coverage of how we are losing a sense of interconnectedness as a society, stories of communities coming together like this one feel particularly impactful.

On Sept 21, Bill Buda had his final route as a USPS mail carrier, after 31 years of service. A video posted by his daughter, Alexa Buda, shows the entire neighborhood coming out to celebrate the milestone.

In the now-viral clip, Bill is greeted with balloons, hugs, fond farewells, kids’ drawings, tail-wagging dogs, sidewalk art, congratulatory signs, even what looks like a DIY christening with water bottles…pretty much the best sendoff ever.

"People will NEVER forget how you made them feel," Alexa Buda writes in the caption.

Down in the comments, people seconded Alexa’s statement. So many people wrote in to commend Bill for pouring his heart into his job and creating genuine relationships with those he interacted with for decades.

“This is my parents' neighborhood! Your dad was always so kind & i’ll never forget him congratulating me when he delivered my diploma from Kent State.”

“Bill, thank you for your many years of service to Oak Rd, we were out of town Saturday and we missed being able to say goodbye. You were always so friendly and kind, we really appreciated all you did. Enjoy this new chapter!”

“Your dad was always so kind to me and my husband when either of us were out running near HFS! I remember he was a mailman from when we were in grade school and I’m sure he didn’t know who I was but he was always so friendly when I’d see him.”

“Bill is the best. Loved talking with him. I ride an old motorcycle and he saw it in my garage and we talked about rides we've taken.”

“This was so amazing. We just moved to the neighborhood and liked him instantly. Happy retirement!”

Even those who didn’t know Bill were moved by seeing such fanfare.

“I’m CRYING this is so pure, congratulations to your dad. No one better than the friendly neighborhood mailman,” said one person.

Bill told Good Morning America that after being asked multiple times about his retirement, he decided to make things simple by taping a "save the date" card to his customers' doors.

But never did he expect a full blown blowout. Alexa told People that her dad’s normal route lasted an extra two hours because of all the people they would end up talking to.

“I really must have done something right to have this…it was fantastic," Bill also shared with Good Morning America.

With his near perfect attendance, checking in on those along his route (especially on elderly folks), and generally having a perpetually upbeat attitude, it’s safe to say that Bill did, in fact, do something very, very right. And got the recognition he dearly deserved.

And as Alexa shared with People, this heartwarming moment feels especially refreshing in a modern time.

“As this generation becomes more digital, genuine interactions with people are becoming rare.”

Rare, perhaps. But still happening. And still incredibly impactful.

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'90s kid shares the 10 lies that everyone's parent told them

"Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

via 90sKid4lyfe/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.


Children believe everything their parents tell them. So when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the mistruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own.

Justin, known as 90sKid4Lyfe on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies that parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.

“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” Brittany, the most popular commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” Amanda added. After just four days of being posted, it has already been seen 250,000 times.

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."


This article originally appeared on 4.26.24

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Andrew Garfield crying while reading an essay on 'Modern Love' has everyone tearing up

This is what makes art so valuable.

Photo credit: Xfranksun

Andrew Garfield has become a fan favorite on and off-screen.

Andrew Garfield is beloved for his performances in films such as "The Social Network," "Tick, Tick, Boom" and his portion of Marvel's "Spider-Man" franchise. But he's also endeared himself to the public with his willingness to openly show emotion in real life.

In 2021, Garfield shared a moving moment with Stephen Colbert when he tenderly talked about the loss of his mom and "all of the unexpressed love" that gets expressed through grief. He also said his mother was a "warrior" for art and that she "knew the power of art and knew the power of leaving the world in a slightly more beautiful state" than she found it.

Now he's touched us again reading a story on the New York Times' "Modern Love" podcast. You can hear the emotion rising in Garfield's voice as the narrator describes some of the things that have changed about his life. Then Garfield reads a line that begins, "My parents don't drive at night anymore," and the dam breaks.

Watch:

@nytimes

"I'm sad at the transience of certain relationships in my life. I'm sad at losing my mother." The actor Andrew Garfield talked about love, loss and grief on "Modern Love." The result was a conversation unlike any other in the history of the show. Tap the link in bio to listen. #AndrewGarfield #loss #grief

Preceding this clip, Garfield and "Modern Love" host Anna Martin had been discussing Garfield's new film, "We Live in Time," which led to a discussion on big existential thoughts about life. Then he began to read the essay, "Learning to Measure Time in Love and Loss," by Chris Huntington, which led to the emotional moment.

Garfield spoke to the power of art to make us feel

When Martin asked Garfield what was hitting him so much in that part of the story, and at first he said he didn't know, that it was "mysterious."

"This is why art is so important," he said. "Because it can get us to places we can't get to any other way."

Then he went on. "It's the preciousness. It's the preciousness, as we've been talking about. And it's the longing for more. It's like we all live, we all pass with so much more to know, with so much more longing."

After this clip, he added, "I'm sad. I'm sad. I'm sad at losing anyone. I'm sad at losing anything. I'm sad at the transience of certain relationships in my life. I'm sad at losing my mother, of course, and I'm sad at the idea of losing my father…but the sadness is longing. It's true longing. And there's no shame in it."

But even as he was expressing all of these feelings, he shared that he could feel within himself a pull to put the "modern conditioning taboo on this very, very pure feeling," and that made him sad, too. "There's a part of me that's like, okay, come on now, dude, pull yourself together…but I think that is the killer. That impulse—that is not mine, that is inherited, that is conditioned from our culture—to not feel, to calcify the heart, to not reveal the heart, to not trust another person with our hearts is what gets us into trouble."

People adore Andrew Garfield for his emotional accessibility

People loved Garfield's openness and vulnerability:

"He understands life and being human better than most."

"He speaks so articulately, and seems to be in touch with his emotions. Quite beautiful."

"The empathy, the compassion for humanity. It's beautiful and heartbreaking."

"This man feels so deeply. It's amazing to see."

"His vulnerability and authenticity is so moving. He deserves the best in life."

"The way he says preciousness is so profound you can't help but relate so deep in your soul. What a beautiful clip."

"'This is why art is so important, it can get us to places we can't get to any other way.'"

i.giphy.com

That quote about art hit people especially hard. We live in a weird space where we value art deeply in our own lives, yet arts programs are often undervalued and underfunded. Even people who don't think of themselves as "artsy" enjoy art, even if they don't recognize the music they listen to, shows they watch, stories they enjoy or items they have decorating their houses as art.

But sometime art hits the way Huntington's essay hit Andrew Garfield. As he told Martin, "I feel this man's writing, and it feels like, for all of us, it feels like he's tapping into something so universal—a longing to be here."

Art reminds us of our humanity and connects us with others by tapping into feelings and experiences we share. And people who express those feelings and experiences like Andrew Garfield remind us how powerful that really is.

The full episode is worth listening to. Find "Modern Love" wherever you find your podcasts.

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Couple astonished after finding 57-year-old lost wedding footage through Facebook

What an incredible coincidence.

via Canva

An 8 mm film reel.

Aileen and Bill Turnbull, 77, were married in Aberdeen, Scotland, in 1967 and filmed leaving the church on 8mm film equipment borrowed from one of Bill’s coworkers. After the footage was developed, the couple watched it on a borrowed projector. When they returned the projector, they forgot to remove the film from the reel and it wound up in storage at the coworker’s place. The couple looked for the footage over the years, and it never turned up. They assumed it got mixed up with some of their other belongings.

In 1981, the Turnbulls moved to Brisbane, Australia.

Decades later, Terry Cheyne of Aberdeen was told by his uncle that he needed to come by and pick up his reels of 8mm military footage taken in the ‘70s that he had stored at his place. “When I left the Navy, my uncle told me he was downsizing, so I went to rescue my films and just threw them in a cupboard for years and years,” he told Claire and Pete on the Original 106 Breakfast Show.

Years later, Terry had his 8mm reels transferred to DVD and was puzzled to find that among the converted film was wedding footage of a couple he didn’t know. “Everyone had passed away and I’m the oldest in the family, so I had nobody to ask who it was,” he told the Original 106 Breakfast Show.

After retiring last year, he decided to try to find out who the couple was, so he posted a screenshot of the footage on Facebook. Six months later, it was reposted to a Facebook page for people from Mastrick, Scotland.



Five minutes after joining the Facebook page, Aileen, who grew up in Mastrick, saw the photo of herself and her husband. “I was absolutely amazed, I couldn’t believe it,” she said. “If I hadn’t done it, there’s no way I would have seen the photograph Terry put in.”

The couple later realized that Terry's uncle had lent them the projector to watch their wedding footage all those years ago. The footage got mixed up with Terry’s old 8mm film and transferred alongside the old Navy footage. Terry sent the couple a link so they could watch the long-lost footage.



"It just seems strange for me to see my mother and my father, not just in a photograph but there actually moving and walking," Aileen told BBC Scotland. “And my husband, he saw his grandmother and his grandfather, who was 100 when he died. I watched it again today, I could still recognize everybody. To look back and see these people was just absolutely amazing—I still can't believe it really.”

The story of the Turnbull’s wedding footage shows how much technology has changed in the past 57 years. In 1967, the average person couldn’t get ahold of a VHS camera and there were no smartphones or digital cameras to capture video. So, people used 8mm film stock, most of which was silent. To watch the footage, you had to use a projector and the film was fragile. It could quickly burn up if left too long in front of the projector lamp and was easy to snap and pull apart.

Terry hopes to meet the couple one day if they return to Aberdeen on vacation. "I've just been glad to help Aileen and Bill," Terry told the BBC. "They are delighted 57 years later. It's a very happy ending."

- YouTubewww.youtube.com

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