How Sheryl Sandberg's take on single moms shifted after her husband died.
A Facebook post from Sheryl Sandberg has gone viral.
Last spring, Sheryl Sandberg's life changed in the blink of an eye.
Her husband, Dave Goldberg, died unexpectedly while the pair were on vacation. The tragedy placed Sandberg, the COO of Facebook and a mother of two, in a role she'd never been in before: single parent.
Sandberg and Goldberg in summer 2014. Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.
"For me, this is still a new and unfamiliar world," she wrote in a Facebook post in honor of Mother's Day on May 6, 2016. "Before, I did not quite get it. I did not really get how hard it is to succeed at work when you are overwhelmed at home. I did not understand how often I would look at my son’s or daughter’s crying face and not know how to stop the tears."
Goldberg’s death didn't just change Sandberg personally — it forced her to reflect on the messages she's promoted as a successful author and businesswoman.
And some of those messages, she noted, should have been crafted differently.
"Some people felt that I did not spend enough time writing about the difficulties women face when they have an unsupportive partner or no partner at all," Sandberg wrote of her best-selling book, "Lean In."
"They were right."
"Lean In," a best-seller that coaches women (and men) on how to counter gender bias at work, was no stranger to criticism. Many felt Sandberg downplayed the effects of systemic sexism in the work place, as well as overlooked the unique challenges faced by disadvantaged women and women of color.
Judging from her post, however, it seems being a single parent is giving Sandberg some new perspective:
"I will never experience and understand all of the challenges most single moms face, but I understand a lot more than I did a year ago."
Sandberg explained many single moms face uphill battles every single day, and our policies do little to help them make ends meet.
Noting she's "extremely fortunate" to have the financial means to support her family, Sandberg said she's in the minority — "the odds are stacked against" most moms doing it alone. And even though the number of single-parent households has been on the rise, our workplace policies don't reflect this modern reality.
Photo by John Moore/Getty Images.
The U.S. remains the only advanced economy in the world that doesn't require employers to guarantee paid maternity leave, as Sandberg pointed out. Far too many single moms also work in jobs that don't provide paid time off if they or their children are sick.
How are working single moms — a group that is already disproportionately poor — supposed to get ahead when they're living in these circumstances?
The best way we can celebrate Mother's Day? "Vow to do more to support" the moms who need us most, Sandberg wrote.
"Single moms have been leaning in for a long time — out of necessity and a desire to provide the best possible opportunities for their children," she said in her post.
Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images.
"Being a mother is the most important — and most humbling — job I’ve ever had. As we rightly celebrate motherhood, we should give special thanks to the women who are raising children on their own. And let’s vow to do more to support them, every day."
There's a reason why some people can perfectly copy accents, and others can't
Turns out, there's a neurodivergent link.
A woman in black long sleeve shirt stands in front of mirror.
Have you ever had that friend who goes on vacation for four days to London and comes back with a full-on Queen's English posh accent? "Oooh I left my brolly in the loo," they say, and you respond, "But you're from Colorado!" Well, there are reasons they (and many of us) do that, and usually it's on a pretty subconscious level.
It's called "accent mirroring," and it's actually quite common with people who are neurodivergent, particularly those with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). According Neurolaunch, the self-described "Free Mental Health Library," "Accent mirroring, also known as accent adaptation or phonetic convergence, is the tendency to unconsciously adopt the accent or speech patterns of those around us. This linguistic chameleon effect is not unique to individuals with ADHD, but it appears to be more pronounced and frequent in this population."
Essentially, when people have conversations, we're constantly "scanning" for information—not just the words we're absorbing, but the inflection and tone. "When we hear an accent, our brains automatically analyze and categorize the phonetic features, prosody, and intonation patterns," writes Neurolaunch. For most, this does result in copying the accent of the person with whom we're speaking. But those with ADHD might be more sensitive to auditory cues. This, "coupled with a reduced ability to filter out or inhibit the impulse to mimic…could potentially explain the increased tendency for accent mirroring."
While the article explains further research is needed, they distinctly state that, "Accent mirroring in individuals with ADHD often manifests as an unconscious mimicry of accents in social situations. This can range from subtle shifts in pronunciation to more noticeable changes in intonation and speech rhythm. For example, a person with ADHD might find themselves unconsciously adopting a Southern drawl when conversing with someone from Texas, even if they’ve never lived in the South themselves."
People are having their say online. On the subreddit r/ADHDWomen, a thread began: "Taking on accents is an ADHD thing?" The OP shares, "My whole life, I've picked up accents. I, myself, never noticed, but everyone around me would be like, 'Why are you talking like that??' It could be after I watched a show or movie with an accent or after I've traveled somewhere with a different accent than my 'normal.'
They continue, "Apparently, I pick it up fast, but it fades out slowly. Today... I'm scrolling Instagram, I watch a reel from a comedian couple (Darcy and Jeremy. IYKYK) about how Darcy (ADHD) picks up accents everywhere they go. It's called ADHD Mirroring??? And it's another way of masking."
(The OP is referring to Darcy Michaels and his husband Jeremy Baer, who are both touring comedians based in Canada.)
Hundreds of people on the Reddit thread alone seem to relate. One comments, "Omfg I've done this my whole life; I'll even pick up on the pauses/spaces when I'm talking to someone who is ESL—but English is my first language lol."
Sometimes, it can be a real issue for those around the chameleon. "I accidentally mimicked a waitress's weird laugh one time. As soon as she was out of earshot, my family started to reprimand me, but I was already like 'oh my god I don’t know why I did that, I feel so bad.'"
Many commenters on TikTok were shocked to find out this can be a sign of ADHD. One jokes, "Omg, yes, at a store the cashier was talking to me and she was French. She's like 'Oh are you French too? No, I'm not lol. I'm very east coast Canada."
And some people just embrace it and make it work for them. "I mirror their words or phrase! I’m 30. I realized I start calling everyone sweetie cause my manager does & I work at coffee shop."