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If you don't let your partner do this in the bedroom, you might as well break up with them now.

After my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, we had to have the painful conversation about his funeral. His body had been ravaged by chemo and and weight loss, his skin hung a little lower on his face, and he was adamant that he not have a funeral at all. He was not a fan of people saying posthumous things about what an amazing man he was when most of the things he did in life were not that amazing (his words, not mine). At that point, all of us rolled our eyes at him, and as gallows humor is required when you are looking death in the eye, one of us responded: "No offense dad, but your funeral isn't for you. So suck it up." Which leads me to a video about why love is important in dark times. Brace yourselves — Jesse Parent is about to talk about farting. If you trust my judgment in any way, I urge you to withhold judgment till at least 1:40. Because this is beautiful.

Palliative care, something most people haven't heard of, can be key to a loved one having a peaceful end in their darkest hour. I'd learn about it. And I'd maybe Like Jesse on Facebook? And maybe share this?

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Parenting

Man asks how to help his wife who works full-time with a baby at home and keeps getting the same answer

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

Photo by Katie Emslie on Unsplash

There are times in parenting where you just feel kind of useless.

You can't carry the baby, take a late-night breastfeeding shift, or absorb any of the pain and discomfort of childbirth.

Sometimes the best you can do is to try to take care of your partner.

That's what brought user u/DietyBeta to the AskParents subreddit with a well-meaning question.

"My wife watches our 1yo, works, and is 12 week pregnant. How can I make her daily life easier while I'm away at work?"

He says that when he gets home from work, he takes over all parenting and homemaking duties.

But yeesh! That's still... a lot to handle. No wonder his wife is stressed out.

A few folks chimed in to pat the OP on the back. After all, it's great to see a dad who realizes how much is falling on mom's shoulders and actively looking for ways to lighten the load!

Some helpful suggestions rolled in, like taking over meal prep and making her easy lunches to heat up, hiring cleaners, or paying someone to walk the dogs.

woman in black shirt lying on couch Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash


But then even more people came in to the comments asking the same question over and over: If mom is working, why isn't the 1-year-old in daycare?

u/young-mommy wrote: "Is the one year old in daycare? If not, I would start there. Working from home with a child gets harder and harder as they enter toddlerhood"

u/min2themax said: "It’s nice of you to be asking how to help her but she really is getting the fuzzy end of the lollipop here. It sounds like she is literally always working or parenting. Sometimes both at the same time. Walking the dogs and making her lunches and prepping meals and doing laundry is all well and good but this is not at all sustainable."

u/alternative-box3260 said: "Have the one year old in daycare. I was in a similar situation and it’s impossible. I was able to breath after that, not before."

And u/sillychihuahua26 wrote: "She’s caring for your 1.year old while working? That’s a horrible plan. You guys need childcare like yesterday."

We have a legitimate childcare crisis in our country, and stories like this one really bring it to life.

Childcare in the United States isn't nearly accessible or affordable enough for most families. Period.

ChildCare Aware found that that average cost of childcare in 2022 was $10,853 per year, or roughly 10% of a median family income (in 2024, it's likely even more than that — yet the actual workers at childcare centers are somehow severely underpaid).

But even that eye-popping number is conservative. Anyone who lives anywhere close to a city (or in California or New York) knows the number will be way higher. It's just not feasible for most families to put their child, let alone multiple children, in full-time care while they're young.

And yet! The percentage of households with two parents working full-time has been rising for decades. Life is more expensive than ever, and the extra income from two working parents really helps, even if it's offset by those child care costs.

More and more families are trying to scrape by — by trying to do it all

woman in white shirt sitting on brown wooden armchair Photo by Keren Fedida on Unsplash

Now we don't know whether the OP's family can afford childcare for their 1-year-old or not, although in a later update to the post he wrote:

"As far as daycare, she doesn't want to because she feels like she would be missing out on the time"

So even if you can afford childcare, there's the still the crushing guilt of shipping your child off to be raised by strangers to deal with! Classic.

(Take one guess who shoulders most of the daycare guilt — dads or moms?)

The work-from-home revolution has been a Godsend for parents in certain ways — flexibility, balance, less commuting time — but its also saddled many of them with double duty.

'Hey how about you work full-time because we need the money AND keep an eye on the kids, since you're home anyway!'

But it doesn't work like that, and trying to do both is crushing modern parents.

In fact, the Surgeon General of the United States just put out an official advisory based on the plummeting mental state of today's parents.

We know parents are having a hard time and that it's getting picked up in the national conversation. But hearing about a mom working full-time with a 1-year-old on her hip while pregnant, and a dad stuck working out of the house who's at a total loss for how to make things better really paints a pretty bleak picture.

No one should have to work full-time and parent full-time, at the same time.

A fridge full of microwavable lunches and a fleet of dog walkers isn't going to make it any better until things start changing from the very top.

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Culture

Kindergarten teacher gently explaining racism to her students is a must-see for all kids

"This is called racism, and racism has happened in the United States for over 400 years."

Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
woman standing in front of children

Racism is a difficult subject to discuss among adults and it can be just as challenging when talking about it with children. It's important for parents or teachers to talk about it in a way that's age-appropriate and to address any strong emotions that are caused by the discussion.

Talking about about race with kids can be difficult, but avoiding the conversation helps perpetuate racism.

"Because institutional racism is so ingrained and so automatic and so accepted, without enough people wanting to enact true, long-lasting change, institutional racism ends up becoming our personal bias. But we still must be held accountable for our actions," Sarah Gaither, assistant professor psychology and neuroscience at Duke University, told CNN Health.

Over the past few weeks, the topic of race in America has come to the forefront of the national conversation after the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Abrey and Breonna Taylor. While these deaths have caused unbelievable grief anger, they present parents and educators with a teachable moment.

Vera Ahiyya, who's known affectionately as the "TuTu Teacher," is a Kindergarten teacher in Brooklyn, New York, who created a great video explaining the issue of race in America for her students.

Ahiyya does such a great job at talking about a subject at a level that children can understand it's being viewed and shared by people outside of her classroom.

Let's Talk About Racewww.youtube.com

"You may have noticed, or heard your family talk about what's happening on the news … Beyond just the COVID virus, which is spreading, we also are combating a different kind of disease," she begins the clip.

"It's something that happens with the way that people think," she adds. "Some people have the belief that people with black or brown skin should not have the same rights or privileges as people with white skin. This is called racism, and racism has happened in the United States for over 400 years. That's a very long time, and by now, you would think that something so terrible would be gone. But it's not that easy. Racism is everywhere and it is our job to stop it."

She then gives her students tips on how to handle racism when they see it in the world to stop it from spreading.

"One way to stop racism is to call it out when you see it," Ahiyya continues. "That means, if you see someone being treated differently because of the color of their skin, you have the voice, you make the choice, to say 'This is wrong.'"

via Tim Dennell / Flickr

"You can decide whether to say something, or walk away," she advises. "But your choice can impact the lives of a lot of people."

She then shows how people are fighting racism today by protesting in the streets.

"So, right now, what's happening is a lot of people are making the choice to say 'that's wrong, racism is wrong' and they are talking specifically about racism towards black people," Ahiyya says.

Ahiyya ends her comments by empowering children to fight back against racism.

"You can do it by writing letters to show your support," Ahiyya tells them. "You can do it by speaking up when you see something that is very wrong. You can ask questions to your family and friends about how you can do more to help. There's so many ways to help."

She concludes the video reading "Let's Talk About Race" by Julius Lester.

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Joy

Man attempts to rescue stray kitten and quickly discovers he got more than he bargained for

Here kitty, kitty! Oh wait, there are 12 more of you?

Photo by Dorothea OLDANI on Unsplash

It's kitten season!

Who can resist a sweet little kitten trying to cross the road? Even if you’re not a fan of cats, you’d likely stop for a baby animal in the street. That’s what happened to Robert Brantley of Louisiana. Brantley was on his way to work and spotted a tiny white and gray kitten trying to get across the street. Being a kind human, he stopped his car to bring the kitten to safety. But he got more than he bargained for, because as he was scooping up the little thing, several more kitty cat siblings came running out of the nearby grass.

In all, Brantley counted 13 kittens. Twelve more than he planned on caring for, but by the looks of his Instagram page, his family has taken their role of cat rescuers seriously. With kitten season being in full effect in these warmer months and pet surrenders remaining high since the return to work from the pandemic, Brantley taking on fostering 13 kittens is much needed. Humane societies across the country are reportedly full or even over capacity. My own local humane society currently has nearly 150 animals over its limit and is begging for foster families and adopters to help clear the shelter.

It’s not only humane societies that have reached or exceeded capacity. Animal rescues across the board are in dire need of people to take animals to make room for the inevitable drop off of puppies and kittens from the current litter season. Mating season, which subsequently turns into puppy and kitten season, starts in early spring and lasts throughout the summer. This inundates local shelters and rescues.

Some shelters, like my local humane society, are asking people who find litters of puppies or kittens to do exactly what Brantley is doing.

Foster them and attempt to adopt them out on their own. It looks like Brantley's wife decided to get these now cleaned up kitties in their Sunday best to have a photoshoot in her makeshift studio. One kitten sported a bow tie while the others climbed around the enclosure patiently awaiting their turn. It also seems Brantley himself is having fun with the situation—in one video he talks about what he packs to go on a marksmanship match and includes 13 kittens along with his tripod and toolkit.

In one of Brantley’s most recent updates, he says that two of the kittens, Michael Scott and Nala, have been adopted by a family in Alexandria, Louisiana. In the same update he informs his followers that one of the kittens still left to be adopted is currently on daily medication and the family is keeping up with check-ups for the rest of the furry crew.

Here’s hoping that all of these little guys get adopted out soon. And may more people take Brantley’s lead to foster the kittens or puppies they find if they have the means. This can also serve as a reminder to spay and neuter your pets and any strays you may be caring for outside of your home.


This article originally appeared on 6.16.22

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Modern Families

Dad gives a beautiful explanation of why it's ok that his son mows the lawn 'wrong'

A masterclass in great parenting.

"Think about the honor of the opportunity," B.A. Sheppard says in his viral video, which is the perfect way to think about things in modern times.

His son is mowing the lawn and he seized the moment to remind us all of the importance of individuality and doing things not necessarily the "right way," but the way that feels right for you.

"This young man coming toward me in this lawn mower, thats my son," Sheppard says, smiling into the camera. "He's cutting the grass and zig zagging all over the place. And you know what? Its perfectly fine. While I might have cut in a certain pattern, he's doing his thing in the way that he wants to do it. And it's totally okay. He is getting the grass cut. It may not be dad's way, but he's getting it done. And therein is the honor of the opportunity."



Sheppard continues by saying that being able to give his son space where he can figure out how he wants to get things done is a great privilege.

"As a young man, I don't need him doing things exactly the way I did it," he says. "Right now, it seems like he's just cutting grass. But in my mind, because I know my son wants to be an engineer, I see his mind at work and I know that what he is producing now… it's going to help him in the future."

I walk to the beat of a different drummer, so Sheppard's words are very personal to me. When I was fifteen, I started playing guitar and writing music. I knew I wanted to be a musician and there was no way anyone was going to talk me out of it. Learning that your son wants to make music for a living isn't exactly what every parent wants to hear. But my parents always supported me. Always. The path I chose was not an easy one, but I knew it. I cannot imagine what it would have been like if my parents shamed me into working in an office or becoming a lawyer or doctor because that is what they wanted for me. I would have constantly been looking out the metaphorical window wondering what could have been. That is no way to live life.

My mother Ellie, 79, and my father Peter, who will be turning 81 years old this month, had the wisdom, patience and the compassion to stand behind me every step of the way. It's the same way that this father sees his son. Sheppard concludes by giving us all a beautiful task. He challenges us to look for the honor in the opportunity of relationships that you have. I'm grateful to my parents for always supporting me and allowing me to march to that beat the way I wanted to. It allowed me to be the man I am today. For all the children out there, this video is an inspiration and reminder to find your path and not to live in the shadows of what others think you should do or be. Always, be yourself.


This article originally appeared on 7.28.20

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Culture

Idioms from around the world that become hilarious when translated into English

It can rain a lot more than just cats and dogs.

Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash

Two donkeys are better than one—'repetition teaches the donkey.'

You probably know what it means to hit the hay, tie the knot or buy a lemon. Maybe you’ve already killed two birds with one stone today, so effortlessly that it was a piece of cake. But to a non-English speaker, using these phrases would probably make you sound crazy … or should I say gone crackers?

That’s the fun thing about idioms. They change depending on the time, place and culture creating them. In other words, they usually sound ridiculous to anyone except those who normally use them.

Looking at turns of phrase in different languages helps us see the world through different eyes. And man does it seem impressive at a party.

Just think, instead of saying “it’s raining cats and dogs,” next time you could incorporate a more Lithuanian take, and say “it’s raining axes.” How metal is that?

It can also be raining old women, barrels, buckets, pipe stems, frogs, female trolls, fire and brimstone … depending on where you’re from.

Some of these idioms from around the world make a lot of sense. Others get so lost in translation, you can’t help but get tickled pink.

Swedish

”Nu ska du få dina fiskar värmda.”

Literal translation: Now your fishes will be warmed.

It's another way of saying someone’s in trouble, or their “goose is cooked.”

The Swedish language is definitely not lacking in the threats department. They also have a saying, “nu har du satt din sista potatis,” which translates to “now you have planted your last potato.”

Imagine hearing Batman say “You’ve planted your last potato, Joker.” Doesn't have quite the intended effect.

Italian

“Avere gli occhi foderati di prosciutto.”

Literal translation: To have one’s eyes lined with ham.

Leave it to the Italians to have food-related phrases. You can use this when someone can’t see what’s right in front of them. It can also be used when someone is blinded by love. Sadly, there is no “ham-colored glasses” idiom.

Icelandic

“Að leggja höfuðið í bleyti.”

Literal translation: To lay your head in water.

You say this when you “need to sleep on something,” or “put your thinking cap on.” This one is hilarious because I cannot fathom getting any mental clarity from holding my head in the water.

Arabic

"At-Tikraar yu’allem al-Himaar.”

Literal translation: Repetition teaches the donkey.

Practice makes perfect, but it especially does for donkeys. Animal-themed wisdom at its finest.

German

"Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof."

Literal translation: I only understand train station.

It's another way of saying “it’s all Greek to me.”

The history of this one is a bit mysterious. One theory is that it originated from WWI soldiers who had only one thing on their mind after getting discharged: returning home. Meaning, they could only comprehend the train station that would lead them there. Others say it refers to tourists new to Germany who have really only learned the German word for “train station.” Which would indicate that everything else is foreign to them.

And let’s not forget “nicht mein bier, nicht meine sorgen,” translating to “not my beer, not my worries.”

(Fun fact: The term “not my circus, not my monkeys” actually stems from a Polish proverb, not an English saying at all.)

Norwegian

“Å snakke rett fra leveren.”

Literal translation: To speak directly from the liver.

When you say something without sugar-coating it, you are speaking directly from the liver. This dates back to a time when the liver was thought to be the magical organ that produced courage. So speaking from the liver is just like speaking from the heart, only down and to the right a little.

Chinese

“Mama huhu.”

Literal translation: Horse horse, tiger tiger.

You can use it to say something is just okay. Not good, not bad, just … meh.

As the story goes, a Chinese painter who, not very good at his craft, created a drawing of an animal that looked sort of like a tiger, and sort of like, you guessed it, a horse. That story actually has a tragic ending that serves as a cautionary tale against carelessness. But nowadays it takes on a lighter connotation.

And like “comme ci, comme ca” in French, “horse horse, tiger tiger” isn’t quite as commonly spoken as non-native speakers would assume.

Language continues to be an ever-evolving and always entertaining way to not only appreciate other cultures, but also note the similarities. Words might change slightly, but ultimately we're all expressing the same things.


This article originally appeared on 12.8.21

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