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Gen Xers and boomers share 'customary good manners' they wish would make a comeback

"Manners" are sometimes seen as old-fashioned, but thoughtfulness and courtesy are never out of style.

woman speaking on speakerphone
Photo credit: Canva

Speakerphone in public? No thank you.

In the modern world, the importance of "manners" as widely agreed upon standards of behavior and habits of a civilized society feels fairly antiquated. What used to be considered rude has become commonplace, what was polite is now seen as stuffy, vulgarity ranges from tolerated to celebrated, and shared expectations of common courtesy have all but dissolved.

Depending on your age and perspective, the above statement may invoke a high five or a serious eye roll. Sure, we've shed some of the social norms outdated ideas about what's right and proper, but isn't that generally a good thing? Or have we unfortunately thrown the baby out with the bathwater?

Someone asked Gen Xers and boomers on Reddit what "customary shows of good manners" they've been sad to see go by the wayside, and the responses are a reminder that manners aren't just arbitrary rules. Often, they stem from thoughtfulness and appreciation of others, which are universal values we can all get behind.

Not all manners-of-old are worth keeping, but here are some of the "good manners" Gen Xers and boomers say they'd like to see make a comeback:

Saying thank you

Expressing gratitude is good for you and feels good to the person receiving it. Anyone who does a service for you, even if they're getting paid for it, deserves a simple "thank you."

"Saying thank you to people whose job it is to help you in some way. Yes, it is their job, but that doesn't mean you should just ignore them. I always say thank you, and many people look surprised before smiling and saying, 'You're welcome!'"

"As a little kid, I remember my mom telling me "say thank you" when someone would do something, anything, for me. Many times I'd roll my eyes and dramatically sigh "thank youuu" to people. It was expected that parents would, you know, parent in real time. Other adults understood."

via GIPHY

"I am always surprised at the looks I get when I say 'thank you' to store clerks, cashiers, baggers, etc. I can’t tell if they have never heard the words before or if no one ever says it to them. If I add 'have a nice day' I really get stared at."

"Just a thank you in general is nice but often forgotten- I had to text my nephew once and said Did you get this gift because you never said anything about it."

"Heck. I even thank the AI assistant on Amazon. =-)"

Grace (as in saving others from feeling embarrassed)

The embarrassment or humiliation of others has become the basis of loads of social media content, and this kind of "grace" feels like a relic from a bygone era. Being gracious may be a lost art, but it's a valuable one worth reviving.

"There used to be a principle taught to children called 'grace,' which was so important it was a common name for girls, and it didn’t mean moving gracefully and smoothly.

It meant feeling discomfort when you saw another person embarrassed, and gracefully deflecting attention from the embarrassed person.

My grandmother lives this concept in a deeply-ingrained and well-rehearsed way, if she sees someone trip or drop anything, she will loudly say something unrelated and gesticulate to draw attention away from them. She will minimize and dismiss whatever embarrassed them and change the subject.

I have never seen her express delight at the embarrassment of another person."

via GIPHY

"Some other examples: A 'grace period' for paying a bill after it's technically due. They are overlooking the embarrassment of you not paying on time.

A gracious host will overlook a faux pas that should be embarrassing to the guest. Forget a name? The gracious host will cover it up by casually using their name in conversation. Didn't bring anything to a dinner party? The gracious host will never mention it.

And then the most gracious of all: Don't gossip about it later."

"I miss the quality of grace so badly."

Introducing people to each other

In the digital age, we've lost some of the basics of in-person social interactions including making sure everyone present at least gets introduced to one another.

"Introductions. Including someone in a conversation. Lisa, this is my friend John. John, we were just talking about where to get the best fries. What do you think?"

"I do this with my middle schoolers! If there's a partner activity and someone doesn't have a partner, I walk them to another person or group and introduce them like they've never met. 'Hey, have you met my friend Tracy? Tracy, this is Alex. Can she join your group?'"

via GIPHY

"Yes! Also responding to greetings. I teach middle school. We just had an advisory lesson on Communication. When I explained that the purpose of manners were to help people feel comfortable, something seemed to click with some of the kids."

"I’ve been in the company of men I work with, playing in a band with them for a few years and when their wife finally comes to a gig and is standing next to them, no attempt is made to say, 'This is my wife .' I’ve realised only after the fact that was their partner! Someone who I see and hang out with multiple times in a week and then their partner is there and they never think to introduce."

Being aware of your impact on a public space

How many times have you been in a waiting room, restaurant or public transportation and had a person watching a video or taking a call on speaker phone without headphones? (To be fair, it's often the older folks engaging in this behavior, so not necessarily a generational thing.)

"Discretion. So many people have no problem talking loudly and forcing everyone within 100 feet to suffer through their conversation."

"Cell phones on speaker in public areas have led to me hearing medical details that should really be kept personal."

via GIPHY

"This new trend of having your phone on speaker in public is infuriating. Not sure it is the case but the apparent arrogance of thinking that you are so important/interesting that your need to share your every moment is breathtaking. And what about privacy? Do these people not value that?"

"Omg. I’m 51 and my aunt is 70. The last time we went to lunch (her male roommate was also there) she put her phone on speaker in the middle of the restaurant to talk loudly to the doctor about her vaginal cream for ten straight minutes. I’m now dead inside."

"Allowing kids to run around a restaurant is a pet peeve of mine - they should be taught that behavior disturbs other diners and the wait staff. I am one of 5 siblings and on the rare occasion my family went out to eat (people ate out a lot less in the ‘60s) my parents reviewed the rules before we left the house, and made sure we adhered to them once there. I remember the looks of horror on people’s faces as we paraded in single file but almost every time someone would come over and compliment my parents on our behavior. We were allowed a little slack at a place like Howard Johnson’s but knew how to behave at finer establishments. I don’t mind a child getting out of hand - I understand waiting for your food is hard - as long as the parents are doing their best to keep things under control. Child friendly should not mean child-run anarchy."

Not dropping f-bombs indiscriminately

Everyone has different feelings about swearing, but the norms of when and where have definitely loosened, both in what people say in public spaces and what people put in their yards.

"Not saying 'f__k' in public. Used to be you never heard that word in public, now it's on bumper stickers and political flags."

"Not swearing in front of others who may not share your casual approach to language or around children/older folks. BTW when I say older folks I'm talking older (not necessarily me lol!)."

via GIPHY

"I'm in a couple of online sewing/quilting groups and recently a new-ish member posted a question, it was about 3 sentences long, F-word used 3 times! in questions about sewing! I actually commented and replied I'm sorry I cannot begin to concentrate on your sewing issue because all I see is foul language. Other people also commented that it isn't necessary to use that kind of language. They edited the post."

"Clean language in the presence of children, elders and in public is gone. I'll never accept casual F bombing of everyone within earshot with your conversations."

Watching out for others in your path

Awareness of how you might be inconveniencing others as you move through space may have gone by the wayside, but maybe we can return to some of this common sense sensibility by simply looking up and around more.

"I don't know if this is strictly manners, but it's a matter of self-absorption: walking straight out into the street without pause, without waiting for cars that are very near to pass. Sometimes they're looking down at their phones. Sometimes they're just staring straight ahead.

Edit: the driver's version is not stopping when someone's standing at the crosswalk waiting to cross. Even though they've been standing there since you were 100 yards away or more."

"Or another version that I encountered at Costco yesterday, the people walking to or from their cars, straight down the middle of the driving lane. One just took her time strolling in front of me and I really wanted to rev my engine. Choose a side already!"

"And walking slowly across the street while looking at their phones."

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Too young to be a Boomer, too old to be Gen X: Meet the microgeneration 'Generation Jones'

Generation Jones is made up of people born from 1954 to 1965.

generation jones, gen jones, gen jonesers, girls in 1970s, 1970s, teens 1970s
Image via Wikimedia Commons

Generation Jones is the microgeneration of people born from 1954 to 1965.

Generational labels have become cultural identifiers. These include Baby Boomers, Gen X, Millennials, Gen Z and Gen Alpha. And each of these generations is defined by its unique characteristics, personalities and experiences that set them apart from other generations.

But in-between these generational categories are "microgenerations", who straddle the generation before and after them. For example, "Xennial" is the microgeneration name for those who fall on the cusp of Gen X and Millennials.

And there is also a microgeneration between Baby Boomers and Gen X called Generation Jones, which is made up of people born from 1954 to 1965. But what exactly differentiates Gen Jones from the Boomers and Gen Xers that flank it?

- YouTube www.youtube.com

What is Generation Jones?

"Generation Jones" was coined by writer, television producer and social commentator Jonathan Pontell to describe the decade of Americans who grew up in the '60s and '70s. As Pontell wrote of Gen Jonesers in Politico:

"We fill the space between Woodstock and Lollapalooza, between the Paris student riots and the anti-globalisation protests, and between Dylan going electric and Nirvana going unplugged. Jonesers have a unique identity separate from Boomers and GenXers. An avalanche of attitudinal and behavioural data corroborates this distinction."

Pontell describes Jonesers as "practical idealists" who were "forged in the fires of social upheaval while too young to play a part." They are the younger siblings of the boomer civil rights and anti-war activists who grew up witnessing and being moved by the passion of those movements but were met with a fatigued culture by the time they themselves came of age. Sometimes, they're described as the cool older siblings of Gen X. Unlike their older boomer counterparts, most Jonesers were not raised by WWII veteran fathers and were too young to be drafted into Vietnam, leaving them in between on military experience.

How did Generation Jones get its name?

generation jones, gen jones, gen jones teen, generation jones teenager, what is generation jones A Generation Jones teenager poses in her room.Image via Wikmedia Commons

Gen Jones gets its name from the competitive "keeping up with the Joneses" spirit that spawned during their populous birth years, but also from the term "jonesin'," meaning an intense craving, that they coined—a drug reference but also a reflection of the yearning to make a difference that their "unrequited idealism" left them with. According to Pontell, their competitiveness and identity as a "generation aching to act" may make Jonesers particularly effective leaders:

"What makes us Jonesers also makes us uniquely positioned to bring about a new era in international affairs. Our practical idealism was created by witnessing the often unrealistic idealism of the 1960s. And we weren’t engaged in that era’s ideological battles; we were children playing with toys while boomers argued over issues. Our non-ideological pragmatism allows us to resolve intra-boomer skirmishes and to bridge that volatile Boomer-GenXer divide. We can lead."

@grownupdish

Are you Generation Jones? Definitive Guide to Generation Jones https://grownupdish.com/the-definitive-guide-to-generation-jones/ #greenscreen #generationjones #babyboomer #generationx #GenX #over50 #over60 #1970s #midlife #middleage #midlifewomen #grownupdish #over50tiktok #over60women #over60tiktok #over60club

However, generations aren't just calculated by birth year but by a person's cultural reality. Some on the cusp may find themselves identifying more with one generation than the other, such as being culturally more Gen X than boomer. And, of course, not everyone fits into whatever generality they happened to be born into, so stereotyping someone based on their birth year isn't a wise practice. Knowing about these microgenerational differences, however, can help us understand certain sociological realities better as well as help people feel like they have a "home" in the generational discourse.

As many Gen Jonesers have commented, it's nice to "find your people" when you haven't felt like you've fit into the generation you fall into by age. Perhaps in our fast-paced, ever-shifting, interconnected world where culture shifts so swiftly, we need to break generations into 10 year increments instead of 20 to 30 to give everyone a generation that better suits their sensibilities.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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3 types of ‘effortless’ psychology-based opening lines to start a conversation with anyone

Opening lines that are hard to refuse.

teenage boy, teenage girl, conversation, meeting people, talking
Photo credit:Canva/Photos

A teenage girl and boy having a nice chat.

You’re standing in line at the grocery store and you see someone cute. You’d like to strike up a conversation without it being awkward...but that feels kinda nerve-wracking, right? Or maybe you’re standing around at a party and see someone you’d like to get to know, and want to approach them in a way that doesn’t feel uncomfortable. That probably feels a little scary, too.

The good news is that with a few easy tricks, you can improve your communication skills and feel confident approaching anyone.

According to years of psychological research, several principles can help make striking up conversations with strangers easier. The great thing is that they all work best when approached in a casual, effortless way.

1. Comment on the environment

Let’s say you’re at a party in someone’s living room. You can comment on physical objects: “Gee, this guy sure has a lot of books.” Or maybe you’re at a party where everyone brought food: “The food smells great. What are you grabbing first?” You can also comment on people’s behavior: “Is it me, or is everyone really well dressed tonight?”

This works because of the Joint Attention Effect, which says that when two people pay attention to the same thing at the same time, they create a common point of reference. This shared focus can immediately make people feel closer, even in social situations.

man and woman, wine, social skills, conversation

2. Make a playful comment

People will usually respond when you make a playful or unexpected comment, as long as it isn’t threatening. For example, if the person you want to talk to is holding a cocktail, you might joke, “That drink looks serious.” If you’re stuck in a long line: “Do you know why we’re here? I almost forgot why we’re in line—it’s been so long.” Or if you’re at a child’s birthday party and spot another parent you’d like to talk to: “Be honest, how tired of Little Caesars’ pizza are you?”

This works because of the Benign Violations Theory, which suggests that when someone violates a social norm in a non-threatening way, it makes people laugh and activates bonding mechanisms. It signals to your new friend that you’re playful and friendly, and when they laugh at your joke, it shows that you share similar values.

man and woman, people laughing, sitting on couch, good company, jokes

3. Ask their opinion

Another effortless way to engage someone you don’t know is to ask their opinion. For example, if you’re in the produce section at the supermarket, you might ask, “Do these peaches look good to you?” Or if you’re at a party and bring up a pop culture moment most people watched: “So, was Bad Bunny great at the Super Bowl, or is he overrated?”

This works because of what’s known as Cognitive Ease: people are more likely to respond to questions that are easy to process. Asking someone for their subjective opinion is non-threatening, and it’s easy for them to come up with an answer that makes them feel comfortable. Plus, if social media has taught us anything, it’s that everyone loves to share their opinions.

drinks, bar, socializing, man and woman, party

Next step: Pivot and ask questions

Given that all of these strategies are psychologically designed to elicit a response, even from someone you’ve never met, you have a strong chance of sparking a conversation. The key is to widen the exchange once you get that response by asking two more questions. In fact, a Harvard University study found that one of the easiest ways to be likable is to start a conversation with a question and then follow up with two more.

“We identify a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking,” the study's authors wrote. “People who ask more questions, particularly follow-up questions, are better liked by their conversation partners.”

These three psychological rules show that it doesn’t take a Herculean effort to coax a stranger into having a conversation. All you have to do is make an effortless invitation by tapping into the environment you share with them, make a playful joke, or ask their opinion. Then ask a few questions, listen, and there’s a good chance you’ve made a new friend.

Pop Culture

A nail salon's ads are so funny people are taking road trips to Canada just for a manicure

He puts a new twist on videos we all love.

nail salon ad; funny nail salon ad; Henry Pro Nails videos; viral videos; canada manicure; canadian nail tech
Representative photos by Wonderlane|Flickr and Aris Leoven|Canva

This Canadian nail salon has people packing their bags for a manicure

There are a lot of nail salons out there, and without word-of-mouth recommendations from people you trust, it can be impossible to know which salon to visit. Thanks to social media, many businesses can advertise their services without spending much on traditional marketing like television, billboards, and radio. Using pictures and videos of their amazing work to market can help maintain a steady flow of customers, but one Canadian nail salon is taking a slightly different approach.

Henry Pro Nails which started in Toronto, Canada, is leaving the Internet in stitches after creating a viral ad for his nail salon. The video uses the beginnings of several viral clips, but instead of the expected ending, Henry pops in to complete the viral moment in hilarious, unexpected ways.

HenryProNails takes viral videos and turns them into funny marketing

It opens with a familiar viral video of a man on a stretcher being pulled by EMS when the stretcher overturns, flopping the man onto the ground. But instead of it ending with the injured man on the ground, Henry seamlessly appears, lying out on the floor of his salon and delivers his first line, "Come to my nail salon. Your nails will look beautiful."

nails, nail salon, red nail polish, manicure, hands A woman getting her nails painted.via Canva/Photos


In another clip, a man holds his leg straight up and somehow flips himself into a split. When the camera cuts back to Henry, he's in the splits on the floor of his nail salon promoting loyalty discounts. The ad is insanely creative, and people in the comments can't get enough. Some are even planning a trip to Toronto just to get their nails done by the now Internet-famous top nail artist in Canada. This isn't Henry's first rodeo making creative ads, but this one is, without a doubt, his most popular—and effective.

People love Henry's videos

"I will fly to Canada to get my nails done here just because of this hilarious video. You win this trend for sure," one woman says.

"Get yourself a passport and make a road trip! My bf and I are legit getting ours, and it's only a 4 hr drive from where we are in Pennsylvania. Their prices are a lot better than other places I've been too," another person says while convincing a fellow American citizen to make the trip.

"Omg, where are you located? I would fly to get my nails done by you," one person writes.

"The pedicure I had at Henry’s was the best I have ever had. Unfortunately, it made all other places disappointing, and I don’t live close enough for Henry’s to be my regular spot," someone else shares.


In another hilarious video, Henry urges a woman not to divorce her husband for not cooking her dinner, but instead to come get her nails done so she'll feel a lot better.


Henry also jumped onto the "very demure, very mindful" trend on TikTok with his own take on the phrase.



It just goes to show that creative advertising can get people to go just about anywhere, but great service is what keeps them coming back. If you're ever in Canada and find yourself needing an emergency manicure, Henry's Pro Nails is apparently the place to be.

This article originally appeared two years ago. It has been updated.

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Jim Henson interviewing with Muppets is a delightful reminder of his magical genius

Even adults would forget that his characters weren't actually alive.

jim henson, muppets, puppets, puppeteering, the muppet show
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Jim Henson with some of his Muppets

Few individuals have had an impact on the childhoods of millions and the imaginations of people of all ages like Jim Henson. From Sesame Street to The Muppet Show to The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth, Gen Xers grew up with Henson's magic being a familiar and comforting presence. And to this day, over three decades after his death, the characters he created are still household names.

For those of us who were raised on Big Bird, Bert and Ernie, Kermit, and Miss Piggy, Henson's creatures feel as real as any living, breathing performer from our childhoods. But it's not just because we were kids when we were introduced to them. Even adults who met the Muppets found themselves transported into Henson's imaginary world, and after seeing interviews of the puppeteer with his creatures, it's easy to see why.

Watch:

Henson didn't even pretend to not be controlling Kermit. He didn't bother with ventriloquism. And yet, Kermit feels truly alive and separate from the person animating him. It almost feels surreal. Or perhaps just...real.

Henson's characters even convinced film crew members

Both guests and crew members alike found themselves pulled into Henson's world, even while fully understanding that the puppets were being controlled by people. The crew would sometimes move the boom mic to a puppet instead of the puppeteer. Directors would sometimes give stage directions directly to the Muppet instead of the human animating it. Dick Cavett, who interviewed Henson with his Muppets, said, “No matter how much you know about this, it’s completely convincing.”

Even when a Muppet would explain the fact that the person was speaking to a puppet, it still seemed like a sentient being. Case in point:

(This may be the one time you see Henson swear, but in context, it's brilliantly wholesome.)

@guygilchrist

My old boss’s last public performance as Rowlf.🐶🙏🏻 . . #jimhenson #jimhensonscartoonist #themuppets #fyp #foryoupage



Frank Oz shared what it was like to work with Henson

Of course, Henson didn't work alone. Bringing his characters to life in all the ways he envisioned took the work of many people, but none were more aligned with Henson himself than his partner-in-puppetry, Frank Oz. Oz was the Miss Piggy to Henson's Kermit, the Bert to his Ernie, the Animal to his Dr. Teeth.

Oz started working with Henson when he was just 19 years old, and for 27 years the duo created unforgettable magic together. It wasn't just the puppets. It was the voices, the comedic timing, the way they could make you laugh in one moment and well up with tears in the next. Their creatures entertained us but also taught us about being human, which was a truly remarkable feat.

Oz shared what it was like to work with Henson with Gene Shalit after Henson's death in 1990:

- YouTube www.youtube.com

Like Fred Rogers, Jim Henson is remembered for being a distinctly decent person in addition to his creative work. He brought the ancient art of puppetry into the modern world, touching every generation in his lifetime and after in a way that remains unmatched. As the tribute song "A Boy and His Frog" by Tom Smith says:

"They say, 'Oh that's foam and a wire, attached to a green velvet sleeve. Anyone can do that.' Well, that's true, I suppose, but who else can make them believe?" (Grab a tissue before listening to this song, Henson lovers. It's a doozy.)

- YouTube youtu.be

How his legacy lives on

Henson’s children, Lisa, Cheryl, Brian, John, and Heather, have carried on his work by running the Jim Henson Company and Jim Henson Foundation, performing themselves, and continuing to advocate for the art of puppetry. They've also kept Jim Henson's Creature Shop running, creating puppets, animatronics, and even digital puppetry. The shop designed and built the full-size animatronic puppets for the 2023 Five Nights at Freddy's movie and works on television, commercial, and themed projects as well.

In 2024, renowned director Ron Howard released a documentary about Henson's life and work, Jim Henson: Idea Man, which can be found on Disney +.

- YouTube www.youtube.com


Joy

Malala Yousafzai's brother reveals beautiful sentiment about living in his sister's shadow

"I'm not in my sister's shadow. I'm in my sister's light."

Malala Yousafzai, Khushal Yousafziai Pakistan, siblings, support, family
Photo credit: Used with permission from Khushal Yousafzai

Malala Yousafzai and her brother, Khushal, pose for a photo.

Malala Yousafzai most certainly has a lot of light. At the young age of 11, she began advocating for education for girls after the Taliban took over her district of Swat in Pakistan. About three years later, she—alongside two other girls—was shot in the head on a bus for her passionate, outspoken views.

She survived and went on to address the United Nations about the importance of education. According to her nonprofit's website:

"The U.N. recognized July 12 as Malala Day, in honour of her courageous advocacy and to highlight the global struggle for education. With her father, her ally and inspiration, she established Malala Fund, an organisation dedicated to giving every girl the opportunity to learn and choose her own future."

Just one year later, she became the youngest-ever recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize. She has received numerous awards, been honored by Time Magazine, and continues to inspire people around the world.

Recently, one of her younger brothers, Khushal Yousafzai, was speaking at the Oxford Scholars Program when he was asked whether he ever felt "overshadowed" by his sister's accomplishments. His answer was vulnerable, heartfelt, and lovely:

"My sister nearly died. Forget her winning the Nobel Prize. Forget her getting the limelight. I would give up my life for you to have a life. Death puts things into perspective like nothing else does."

He pauses, then says, "Why would her success take anything away from me? I'm not in my sister's shadow. I'm in my sister's light. And Rumi has this beautiful quote: 'A candle doesn't lose its light when it lights up another candle.' Actually makes the world a brighter place. It lights up the whole room."

He continues with a message about supporting the people you love:

"So guys, uplift each other. If you see your friend, uplift them. Because guess what? We all are gonna die someday. And your friends, I'm sure they mean a lot to you. And at times, there is that feeling of jealousy. You don't want to be going to their funeral and telling their parents how amazing they were. Because guess what? It's too late. So tell them while they're still alive. You don't want to live with that, so uplift people while they're still here."

Khushal speaks frequently to students about his journey. He is also a fierce advocate for education and finding the fuel to live life to its fullest. According to a biography he shared with Upworthy: "Through his educational platform, Yousafzai Academy, he mentors students about personal and academic growth, learning from setbacks, and leadership."

Many commenters on Instagram expressed heartfelt support and said they were deeply touched by his words.

"So beautiful to see his immense love for his sister shared so honestly, vulnerably, and without any hint of shame or resentment," one commenter said. "And the Rumi quote is just so perfect. ❤"

Another notes that his wisdom isn't surprising, considering his whole family is involved in activism: "This family has got all the right things going on! What a gift to the world."

This person was moved by his words, especially by the idea of uplifting people while there's still time: "Wisdom. Beautiful. Fabulous. What a family! Uplift your friends. Uplift people while they are still here. Yes!"

And this commenter deduces that the trauma his family has been through has created a thoughtful empath: "You have a high level of empathy 🙏🏽💕. Only people who have come close to death know the depth of your words and the bond you share with your sister."

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