Maybe not every aspect of parenting has to be hard?
Teaching kids manners can be a bit of an elusive art form. Parents new and old have tried every strategy under the sun—from directly modeling the desired behavior to trying to make things more enticing by calling niceties “magic words”—all with varying success rates.
One dad was floored to learn that when it came to teaching his four-year-old to use “please” and “thank you,” all he had to do was come up with a story. As he shared online, he came up with a dramatic 10 minute saga about a cat that “only got snacks when it asked with a please, and only made friends to play with when it said thanks,” all on the spot.
And lo and behold, his son was using those coveted words nonstop, without being prompted, leading the dad to wonder “It can’t be this easy right?”
The dad’s story got a plethora of comments. One parent who had a similar epiphany wrote, “that’s awesome. Reminds of potty training my 3 year old: he wasn’t really doing it, but once we talked to him about how it would make the trees happy if he went in the potty (ie no more diapers in the landfill), he immediately just got it and pretty much never wore a diaper again. I guess when it clicks, it clicks.”
Similarly another parent shared, “My son at 2 would refuse to put on socks. 'If you don't put on socks, the foot monster's going to get you!' + Playful om nom noms towards his feet worked. Now he loves pointing out when I'm not wearing any too! A year on and it still generally works.”
A few folks highlighted how kids have a special relationship to storytelling, especially since it activates their imagination and generally makes them more open to learning—all of which make it a very effective teaching tool.
One person, who happens to be a nanny, wrote. “making up songs and stories is a really good way to teach morals and change behavior. I had a young child who always jumped out of the car and never looked before running into the street. I made up a song about it and sang it when we were in the car, and his behavior improved! Remember the TV shows we watched as kids that had all the songs about morals? Or that in order to learn the ABCs we sing them? It works!’
Of course, you don’t have to just look through the archives. Shows like Blue and Sesame Street continue to teach kids lessons this way!
And long before television even existed, parents were using stories to impart wisdom. As one commenter shared, “In the book Hunt, Gather, Parent the author said is a technique used by lots of indigenous cultures to keep their children safe and away from dangerous places and pass on cultural values.”
- YouTubewww.youtube.com
In a funny reply, someone else added “Now that I think about it the trope of ‘there's a troll living underneath that bridge’ was probably just a frustrated parent's way of trying to keep their kid out of the fucking river. And since a child's imagination is much more active than their cognitive reasoning, ‘scary monster’ works a lot better than ‘scary water.’”
Of course, there were also a few caveats that a few commenters laid down, primarily centered around not instilling an expectation of getting what you want after saying “please.” This is why many parents have nixed using the”magic word” method, since the point isn’t getting what you want, but expressing kindness towards others.
And it probably goes without saying that dad’s strategy might not work as well when his son’s a teenager, but let’s take the wins where we get them.