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'Be careful, she'll blow up,' he said. I'm Iranian. This was my response.

Back in July, I had a racist encounter. I say "encounter" because when you have skin as light as mine, experiences with racism can feel pretty alien.

All napkin illustrations by Anisa Rawhani. Used with permission.

I should start from the beginning.


My boyfriend and I hop on the subway. The man standing next to us strikes up a conversation. We laugh and chat, enjoying the company of a stranger.

Then the man begins to speculate about my white boyfriend’s background, to which he responds that he’s British.

Then it’s my turn.

“And you, you must be Portuguese or Italian,” the man says.

“I’m actually Persian-Iranian.”

The man turns to my boyfriend.

“Be careful. She’s going to blow up.”





Unwanted attention. Everyone has experienced it, albeit to varying degrees.

Most women experience it when they’re belittled because of their gender. Catcalls, harassment, day-to-day indignities — all to make us feel like we don’t have a right to the space we’re occupying.

None of that is new to me, and each time one of these gender-based indignities happens, I grow a little less shocked and a little more outraged. Each incident piles on and crawls further under my skin, echoing every other time it’s happened to me or a friend.

But when I heard a man say I’d blow up, I entered uncharted territory. Suddenly, my race was the target.

At first, neither of us understood what he meant. My boyfriend thought "blow up" implied I’d get emotional. I thought it meant I’d get fat. Seeing our confused expressions the man clarified: He was talking about bombs.

Maybe if he’d said that to someone browner — someone more "ethnic" — the penny would have dropped faster. When it finally did, I remember feeling shocked and disappointed. That was about it.

It wasn’t like those times men harassed me because of my gender. This man’s words didn’t inspire deep emotions because there were no memories to be recalled. There was no wound for him to reopen and exploit.

Indifference in the face of racism is an unbelievable luxury.

That someone was unable to cause me pain or reduce me to a feeling of nothingness with mere words is not a mark of my own strength, but a mark of my experiences — or lack thereof.

That I’m not insecure about my race isn’t because I’m a confident woman; it’s because I so rarely have to think about it. I’m not constantly being reminded.

After the man on the subway clarified what blowing up meant, I remember:

Feeling my face fall, seeing my boyfriend’s jaw flex, the man sensing the change and backtracking because we were taking what he said too seriously. He wasn’t racist. His girlfriend was Indian and Muslim, which he explained smugly.

When I see racism from the outside I leap to my feet; I’m ready to take on anything. But when it was about me, I couldn't do it.

I just wanted to be as far from that man as possible.

In the time that immediately followed, I thought about all my non-white friends who’d confided in me about moments like this. I thought back on all the times my friends told me about racist encounters with classmates, professors, and strangers. How often I’d thought: Why didn’t you do anything?

I know now what an unfair standard that was.

When you become the target of racism, you’re stripped of valid choices. That doesn’t mean you’re powerless, but you’re working within a set of circumstances that are fundamentally unjust. You’re expected to rise to the occasion when someone’s attempted to strike you down. It’s easy for people with their feet planted firmly beneath them to say stand up for yourself.

We’ve all heard about racist incidents — many far more disturbing than what I described. Many of us (myself included) would like to think if we were in that situation we’d have a witty response on hand — or at the very least that we’d give them a piece of our mind.

It’s rarely so simple.

Option A: You can try to back up and disengage.

Option B: You can blow up. You have every right to be upset, so you confront the person’s prejudice. You make it clear just how out of line they are.

Option C: You can speak up. When you’re the victim of a racist incident, you’re immediately racialized. When you speak, you aren’t speaking as yourself, you’re speaking as an ambassador of "your people." That’s a lot of pressure.

It’s great in theory, but difficult and emotionally taxing in practice, especially when you’re not exactly prepared for it.

Whether someone speaks harmful words out of ignorance or because they have deep-rooted hatred, they tend to grow defensive very quickly when confronted with their indiscretion.

Not every ear is willing to listen, not every person is worth pursuing, and it’s not the responsibility of victims to educate their assailants.

For those of us who aren’t victims (or rarely are), remember that raising expectations and what-ifs, or questioning why a victim responded the way they did, isn’t helpful.

After the man rambled on about why what he said wasn’t offensive, the train started to slow and my boyfriend said this was our stop. We left the car and waited on the platform for the next train to come.

Some things about this incident remain unclear, but one thing I know for certain: As I waited on that subway platform for the next train to come, I was sure glad I wasn’t alone.

This post first appeared on Raw Honey and is reprinted here with permission.

Joy

'90s kid shares the 10 lies that everyone's parent told them

"Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

via 90sKid4lyfe/TikTok (used with permission)

90sKidforLife shares 10 lies everyone's parents told in the era.


Children believe everything their parents tell them. So when parents lie to prevent their kids to stop them from doing something dumb, the mistruth can take on a life of its own. The lie can get passed on from generation to generation until it becomes a zombie lie that has a life of its own.

Justin, known as 90sKid4Lyfe on TikTok and Instagram, put together a list of 10 lies that parents told their kids in the ‘90s, and the Gen X kids in the comments thought it was spot on.


“Why was I told EVERY ONE of these?” Brittany, the most popular commenter, wrote. “I heard all of these plus the classic ‘If you keep making that face, it will get stuck like that,’” Amanda added. After just four days of being posted, it has already been seen 250,000 times.

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

@90skid4lyfe

Parents were always lying #90s #90skids #parenting

Here are Justin’s 10 lies '90s parents told their kids:

1. "You can't drink coffee. It'll stunt your growth."

2. "If you pee in the pool, it's gonna turn blue."

3. "Chocolate milk comes from brown cows."

4. "If you eat those watermelon seeds, you'll grow a watermelon in your stomach."

5. "Don't swallow that gum. If you do, it'll take 7 years to come out."

6. "I told you we can't drive with the interior light on. ... It's illegal."

7. "Sitting that close to the TV is going to ruin your vision."

8. "If you keep cracking your knuckles, you're gonna get arthritis."

8. "You just ate, you gotta wait 30 minutes before you can swim."

10. "If you get a tattoo, you won't find a job."


This article originally appeared on 4.26.24

Leah Menzies/TikTok

Leah Menzies had no idea her deceased mother was her boyfriend's kindergarten teacher.

When you start dating the love of your life, you want to share it with the people closest to you. Sadly, 18-year-old Leah Menzies couldn't do that. Her mother died when she was 7, so she would never have the chance to meet the young woman's boyfriend, Thomas McLeodd. But by a twist of fate, it turns out Thomas had already met Leah's mom when he was just 3 years old. Leah's mom was Thomas' kindergarten teacher.

The couple, who have been dating for seven months, made this realization during a visit to McCleodd's house. When Menzies went to meet his family for the first time, his mom (in true mom fashion) insisted on showing her a picture of him making a goofy face. When they brought out the picture, McLeodd recognized the face of his teacher as that of his girlfriend's mother.

Menzies posted about the realization moment on TikTok. "Me thinking my mum (who died when I was 7) will never meet my future boyfriend," she wrote on the video. The video shows her and McLeodd together, then flashes to the kindergarten class picture.

“He opens this album and then suddenly, he’s like, ‘Oh my God. Oh my God — over and over again,” Menzies told TODAY. “I couldn’t figure out why he was being so dramatic.”

Obviously, Menzies is taking great comfort in knowing that even though her mother is no longer here, they can still maintain a connection. I know how important it was for me to have my mom accept my partner, and there would definitely be something missing if she wasn't here to share in my joy. It's also really incredible to know that Menzies' mother had a hand in making McLeodd the person he is today, even if it was only a small part.

@speccylee

Found out through this photo in his photo album. A moment straight out of a movie 🥲

♬ iris - 🫶

“It’s incredible that that she knew him," Menzies said. "What gets me is that she was standing with my future boyfriend and she had no idea.”

Since he was only 3, McLeodd has no actual memory of Menzies' mother. But his own mother remembers her as “kind and really gentle.”

The TikTok has understandably gone viral and the comments are so sweet and positive.

"No the chills I got omggg."

"This is the cutest thing I have watched."

"It’s as if she remembered some significance about him and sent him to you. Love fate 😍✨"

In the caption of the video, she said that discovering the connection between her boyfriend and her mom was "straight out of a movie." And if you're into romantic comedies, you're definitely nodding along right now.

Menzies and McLeodd made a follow-up TikTok to address everyone's positive response to their initial video and it's just as sweet. The young couple sits together and addresses some of the questions they noticed pop up. People were confused that they kept saying McLeodd was in kindergarten but only 3 years old when he was in Menzies' mother's class. The couple is Australian and Menzies explained that it's the equivalent of American preschool.

They also clarified that although they went to high school together and kind of knew of the other's existence, they didn't really get to know each other until they started dating seven months ago. So no, they truly had no idea that her mother was his teacher. Menzies revealed that she "didn't actually know that my mum taught at kindergarten."

"I just knew she was a teacher," she explained.

She made him act out his reaction to seeing the photo, saying he was "speechless," and when she looked at the photo she started crying. McLeodd recognized her mother because of the pictures Menzies keeps in her room. Cue the "awws," because this is so cute, I'm kvelling.


This article originally appeared on 5.27.22

Teddy Roosevelt, Ronald Reagan, Joe Biden and Barack Obama all having a laugh.

Like it or not, we’ve recently entered the age of artificial intelligence, and although that may be scary for some, one guy in Florida thinks it’s a great way to make people laugh. Cam Harless, the host of The Mad Ones podcast, used AI to create portraits of every U.S. president looking “cool” with a mullet hairstyle, and the results are hilarious.

The mullet is a notorious hairdo known as the "business in the front, party in the back" look. It's believed that the term "mullet" was coined by the rap-punk-funk group Beastie Boys in 1994.


While cool is in the eye of the beholder, Harless seems to believe it means looking like a cross between Dog the Bounty Hunter and Kenny Powers from “Eastbound and Down.”

Harless made the photos using Midjourney, an app that creates images from textual descriptions. "I love making AI art," Harless told Newsweek. "Often I think of a prompt, create the image and choose the one that makes me laugh the most to present on Twitter and have people try and guess my prompt."

"The idea of Biden with a mullet made me laugh, so I tried to make one with him and Trump together and that led to the whole list of presidents,” he continued.

Harless made AI photos of all 46 presidents with mullets and shared them on Twitter, and the response has been tremendous. His first photo of Joe Biden with a mullet has nearly 75,000 likes and counting.

Here’s our list of the 14 best presidents with mullets. Check out Harless' thread here if you want to see all 46.

Joe Biden with an incredible blonde mane and a tailored suit. This guy takes no malarkey.

Donald Trump looking like a guy who has 35 different pairs of stonewashed jeans in his closet at Mar-a-Lago.

Barack Obama looking like he played an informant on "Starsky and Hutch" in 1976.

George H.W. Bush looking like he plays bass in Elvis's backing band at the International Hotel in Vegas in '73.

Gerald Ford looking like the last guy on Earth that you want to owe money.

"C'mon down and get a great deal at Dick Nixon's Chrysler, Dodge, Jeep and Ram, right off the I-95 in Daytona Beach."

"Who you calling Teddy? That's Theodore Roosevelt to you."

Grover Cleveland is giving off some serious steampunk vibes here.

Pray you never key Chester A. Arthur's Trans Am. If you know what's best for you.

Honest Abe? More like Honest Babe. Am I right?

Franklin Pierce looking like your favorite New Romantic singer from 1982. Eat your heart out, Adam Ant.

"Daniel Day Lewis stole my look in 'Last of the Mohicans.'" — John Tyler

Many have tried the tri-level mullet but few pulled it off as beautifully as James Madison.

Washington's mullet was like a white, fluffy cloud of freedom.

Find more cool, mulletted U.S. presidents here.


This article originally appeared on 3.1.23

Photo by Syed Ali on Unsplash

Mosquitoes are attracted to certain viral smells in both humans and mice.

As much as I love summer, there is one thing I could do without: bugs. More specifically, mosquitoes. Those pesky little buggers can wreak havoc on a beautiful summer day. Who hasn't spent time outside in summer and then come in all itchy and covered in bites? There are multiple reasons why some people are more susceptible to mosquito bites than others, but there's a new one that likely isn't on people's radars. Mosquitoes could be attracted to the odor certain viruses create in the body.

There is evidence that mosquitoes are attracted to the odor given off by mice infected by the parasite that causes malaria. Now, a team is looking at how the scent of mosquito-borne viruses such as dengue and Zika would attract mosquitoes to people rather than mice.


For those who may be unfamiliar with the two viruses, the most important thing to know about them both is how dangerous they are to humans. Some effects of dengue include vomiting, aches and pains, and in severe cases, internal bleeding, according to the CDC. Zika virus is best known for being dangerous for pregnant women, as it can cause certain kinds of birth defects in fetuses, per the CDC.

Because both viruses rely on mosquitoes for transmission, it begs the question: Do people infected with either viruses give off extra tasty odors? That's what the team was looking to discover.

"I mean, the infection just increase[s] the chance to be located by a mosquito," Penghua Wang, an immunologist with University of Connecticut Health, told NPR.

Wang and the rest of his team set out to find out if it's true that infected people become mosquito chow, and undertook a study, which was recently published in the journal Cell. In the study, they blew two different types of air: one infected with either of the two viruses and one without, over two different groups of mice. As to be expected, the mosquitoes buzzed around those infected mice like they were a buffet dinner.

"These two viruses can alter a person's body odor to be more attractive to mosquitoes," Wang said. What happens is that the smell alters the skin's microbiome to make it more appetizing to the blood-sucking little critters. Wang explained to NPR that he was "excited" by this new development as it could lead to a lot of understanding of virus transmission by mosquitoes.

While this is an incredibly positive prospect, it's important to keep in mind that experimenting on mice isn't really the same as experimenting on people. And just because this is going well with mice doesn't mean it will go well with people. But, during the study, the team discovered that people infected with dengue had similar attention from the mosquitoes.

The other promising thing? Since they've discovered the attraction, they were also able to find a possible treatment plan. They discovered that when they gave the sick mice a vitamin A supplement, the mosquitoes lost interest. Knowing this information can help researchers explore how Zika and dengue spread. According to Wang, in some of the areas where dengue and Zika are most common, many people are vitamin A deficient.

Whatever they discover, I'm very curious to see if this information will offer insight on not only how diseases get spread, but also what makes people (like me) more susceptible to getting bitten in the first place.


This article originally appeared on 7.6.22




Pop Culture

Savvy woman swears by her 'medical binder' as the key to success with doctors

Bringing this with you to every appointment could be a lifesaver

It might take a lot of initial effort, but could save you a ton of headaches in the long run.

Doctors downplaying, or flat out dismissing a patient’s concerns, otherwise known as medical gaslighting, can happen to anyone. But multiple studies have proven that women (along with people of color) are particularly susceptible. Real issues are often misattributed to stress or hormones…essentially the modern day equivalent of “being hysterical.”

Because this is, unfortunately, a challenge so many women have to deal with, it’s no wonder why one woman’s brilliant solution is making the rounds online.

Behold…the “medical binder.”


Disability advocate Jessica Wetz explained in a clip posted to TikTok how “Medical binders make things faster for doctors,” and can subsequently be used as evidence anytime a doctor questions what you’re saying as a patient.

For example, Wetz shared, “I had a doctor say to me, ‘There’s no way you had straightening of the lumbar curvature at 14. You don’t have to believe me. I have the report right here. Let’s read it together.”

Using another example, Wetz continued, “I had a doctor say to me, ‘OK Jessica, I’m going to order you some labs, and then in six weeks, we’ll go over them.'”


@jessicawetz6 Replying to @iLike314159 Medical Binders PREVENT doctors from wasting limited time and resources. Its not a story book, its references when relevant. Female patients arnt believed so we must provide proof. Complex cases with huge files from different facilites result in serious things getting missed when you dont keep track yourself. Complaining that doctors dont have time for patients to make their job faster is irrational. #chronicillness #medicaladvocate #misdiagnosed #rareillness ♬ original sound - Jessica Wetz 🍉#6


During this appointment, Wetz was able to refer to her binder to show that only two days before, she had already done the blood work for what the doctor needed, and therefore didn’t have to wait an additional six weeks for answers. Hallelujah.

Not only that, a medical binder can also really come in handy if doctors try to patronize you as a patient.

“I had a doctor say to me, ‘OK Jessica, I went over your results. Everything is normal. Have a good day. Bye,'” she says, to which she responds, “Hold up, Doc! My CT showed liver disease.’ He goes, ‘No, Jessica, you never had a CT—you had an MRI. I said, ‘No Doc, pull it up. You have the report. I had both.'”

This doctor apparently tried to explain the difference between a CT and an MRI, but luckily Wetz was able to IMMEDIATELY shut that down with her binder.

While Wetz’s medical binder is clearly carrying a ton of info, she does keep a summary page to keep all pertinent information at the forefront. But more often than not, she finds herself using the detailed reports in order to prove certain things, not least of which being her Ehlers Danlos syndrome diagnosis, a genetic disorder that affects joints and connective tissues and can cause them to slip and dislocate. Since it’s such a rare disease, many assume that she self diagnosed. That is, of course, where the binder comes in.

“The purpose of the binder is to prove to them what other doctors have said, because they’re not going to take my word for it.”

In a follow up video, Wetz offered suggestion about how to make your own medical binder, including how to get prior medical history:


@jessicawetz6 Replying to @cplain Doctors take @Jessica Wetz #4🇨🇦 seriously when I bring a binder of records. I explain this at 04:30. Google/call any medical facility youve been to and ask how it works in your area! Many places the records are already available online for free and you dont have to do what I did. #medicalmystery #chronicillness #medicaladvocate #medicalrecords ♬ original sound - Jessica Wetz 🍉#6


As far as organizing all that info, the website Watch Her Work has a very thorough breakdown below:

Basic Info

This includes:

  • Full Name
  • Birthday
  • Address
  • Phone Number
  • Emergency Contacts.
  • Preferred, In-Network Providers and their addresses- that includes current doctors, hospitals and diagnostic labs.
  • Advanced Directives, like a Living Will, Medical Power of Attorney., etc.

(this could also be a good spot to have your medical summary)

A Chronological Record of all Appointments

This can be where you write down whatever notes were given to you by your doctor, if they don't provide a summary.

Test Results

That includes X-rays ,MRIs and CAT Scans (if these come on a CD, place them in plastic folder sleeves or sheet protectors after labeling them with a date, location of imaging, the reason for imaging, the doctor that requested the testing ) as well as recent test results diagnostic procedure reports.

Insurance

While a medical provider will usually have this information on file, it doesn’t hurt to have copies (or the actual cards) in your medical binder.

Articles & Research

Having this organized and ready to go, maybe even with the date, time, and correlated symptoms can prove very useful when trying to advocate for yourself.

List of Medications

Include whether the prescription is generic and brand name, the dosage, how often do you take it, the name of the doctor that prescribed it, and any experienced side effects.

Medical History

Allergies would be a big one to include here, as well as past and current diagnoses, hospitalizations, procedures, and surgeries.

If this sounds like a lot of work… that’s because it is! But it’s work that could pay dividends when it really matters.